Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! (Uncut Version)
by IAMMaster
Summary: A guilty pleasure designed to emotionally scar people who love Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. (This includes myself) The Master Has Spoken. Chapture 6 - ?: 40%! I ain't done yet! 1/20/17
1. Chapture 1: A Ghettoport's Welcome

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated N, for, "Nigga, getcho ass outta here if you a little, punk-ass kid or a butthurt, easily offended muthafucka, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit."

"Getting offended by a joke makes you part of it."

~ George Washington

"If a joke makes you choke then with good timing it was spoke!"

~ Abraham Lincoln

"If nigger is your trigger, try not to be so bitter. If kike is your hype, go back to the trike. If chink makes you sink, you need a drink. If faggot makes you nag it, then this room you shouldn't inhabit."

~ Some homeless guy who I'm pretty sure was high as fuck when saying this

Enjoy.

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Uncut Version)**

**(Hard Mode)**

**Chapture 1: A Ghettoport's Welcome**

Cough cough cough... Sorry. Bit of a cold... Long long ago in a far away universe different from our own, there was a town. A town where people lived happily. Like, it was one of those towns that sustained itself without any government and no one was luting, raping, or murdering or doing all 3 things simultaneously because they were high as fuck, none of that shit. They grew their own crops, and made all their own shit.

Everything was peaceful... until 1 day, tragedy struck when an oil spill happened... a big one! Yes! Believe it or not, they had that kind of advanced system back then. Basically, it caused some bad global warming that created a massive category 17 hurricane if that was even possible. This hurricane was so massive that it managed to demolish the entire peaceful town. That was the part where you piss yourself by the way, just like the thousands of people who saw the wave coming and couldn't do anything but piss and shit in the middle of the street while looking at the wave in horror and wishing that they had anal sex with their wife at least once before dying.

Basically, this cataclysm became incredibly controversial and touchy as many religions and cults of this world claimed this as their own prophecy but it wasn't and fuck them.

The town sank, but not low enough to be fucking the shit out of the hot mermaids of Atlantis. Nothing remained on the surface of the town and it became a huge dump. Eventually, it became inhabited by all kinds of fucking retards who just want to start some shit and fuck up their own living space. It went from a peaceful utopia (in the non Hitler way) to the grimiest, crimiest part of the Mushroom Kingdom and it sucked.

There was a rumor of there being a majical, legendary treasure buried along with the former town, possibly an expired welfare check. Apparently whoever finds this treasure will have their wildest of dreams come true! Wait.. where have I heard this story before...?

_[Captain's log. Stardate: April 23rd, 2004. It was 5:00 PM vastly cloudy in the Mushroom Kingdom about 64 degrees Fahrenheit.]_

**_[Ghettoport Central]_**

Here we have Princess Peach (age 34) in the town previously spoken of. She appeared to be on some sort of trip for who knows what reason.

Peach: Finally! I have some time away from Toadsworth! That butler is always staring at my ass! I'm wearing a poofy long skirt! It's not like it shows any kind of bulge or details or anything! And what kind of vacation is this anyway? Since I came here, I only been able to leave my room twice cause he set up an electric fence and I have to wear a collar keeping me from leaving! At least I was able to trick him by telling him that the collar was killing me so he took it off and I just ran out! Yeah! I told him "Fuck you!" and "Eat my pussy bitch!" At least now I can go see some real shit!

A mysterious merchant began to alert the Princess in a semi hostile tone.

Merchant (age?): Hey bitch! BITCH!

Peach: Hey!... I love it when people call me that! Whats up!? (said actually non sarcastically)

Merchant: You wanna buy something good? I plenty of knickknacks and doodads!

Peach: Oh! heh. No thanks I have plenty of drugs and royal vibrators.

Peach looks over the loads of garbage on the desk and her eye becomes fixated on a strange looking box that has a Dexter's Lab sticker on it.

Peach: Wait! I might not have this one! What's that in the box!?

The Merchant picks up the box and shows it to Peach. Knowing that she's a Princess, he assumes that she's dumb and sheltered as fuck (and he or she's damn right), so he or she explains the box to her slowly.

Merchant: Welp, you see... this box here? Yeah. It holds this thing called a "map" where you find this other thing called "treasure." Treasure is a reward you get and the map takes you there. Pretty neat huh?

Peach had kind of a hard time comprehending because like I said, she's dumb as fuck but after about 10 seconds of pausing and staring at the box, she got it.

Peach: Well yeah! I'm not in first grade or nothing. But still! Wow! I love treasure!

Beld- I mean, Merchant: So do all of us. Anyway, only 1 with a pure and noble heart can open the treasure. So if you can do that, it's all yours. Free from charge!

Peach: Really!?

The Merchant fucking hates it when people ask that question.

Merchant: Yeah. See, I've tried opening it even. Unfortunately I can't open it myself cause I'm secretly a bad guy. You might find that out later on. Anyway, first time's always free.

Peach wasn't paying attention for most of when he was talking because she was thinking about the time Mario pooped a butt and then that butt pooped and it was posted on Youtube.

Peach: So wait? How do you even know that there's a map inside if you can't open it?

Merchant: ITS TOO COMPLICATED! Do you want the damn treasure or not!?

Peach: Alright alright sheesh!

Peach then opened the box thus flashing out a bright beam of light resulting in Peach having mild seizure, but it's okay! She was fine as the seizure only lasted for about 15 seconds! but yeah. So that was the opening and you probably could have skipped it and enjoyed the game just the same, NOW LETS GET TO THE REAL STORY ALREADY!

**Chapture 1 - 1: A Misadventure Awaits!**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 3rd, 2004. It was 11:00 AM partially cloudy in the Mushroom Kingdom City. About 64 degrees Fahrenheit. We know that you give a fuck about these details.]_

**_[Mario's House]_**

Parakarry (age 32) the Mail Man flew towards Mushroom Kingdom's most famous hero/ fired plumber's house as he was delivering a package. Above the door in big font is labeled "MARIO" like the narcissistic wop he is, funny how it just says Mario when Luigi lives there too but Luigi is too busy getting money and pussy to even care.

Parakarry: Mail call.

Perakarry flys off mumbling to himself.

Parakarry: *sigh* I miss my old job as a telemarketer, I got an unlimited amount of phone sex from hot old ladies.

A day passed by as Mario (age 43) and Luigi (age 41) were passed out drunk with several Brazilian hookers also passed out on the floor while the sound system was left on playing "Let the Bodies hit the Floor By Drowning Pool" on repeat.

The Next day, Luigi opened the door having the biggest 5 O'clock shadow you could ever imagine. He finds a package on his doorstep thinking it's going to be goomba shit again but it wasn't on fire this time so he thought he's take a chance.

Luigi then attempted to wake up Mario in the crudest way he could think of. He rubbed his sweaty, greasy, Italian genitals that have been insides 3 or 4 hookers all over Mario's face.

Mario woke up and instinctually punched him in the fucking dick which then hit his balls so hard that they flew between his ass cheeks and got stuck between them, it fucking hurt.

This resulted in an unnecessary, emotional, boring therapeutic conversation about it that ended up with them discussing everything wrong with Loonatics Unleashed before wondering what the fuck even started the conversation in the first place.

Luigi: Anyways, enough about this shit. Check this out! Peach sent you some letter.

Luigi showed Mario the letter.

Mario: Not Goomba shit this time? Sweet! About time!

Mario sniffed the letter to make sure it wasn't Goomba shit before taking out the letter which had the princess' emblem on it.

Luigi: God she pisses me off with this letter nonsense. We have EMAIL now!

Mario: Wait, let me see this...wait a minute, I CAN'T FUCKING READ IN ENGLISH! Luigi, can you read this to me?

Mario hands the letter to Luigi.

Luigi: Sure

As Luigi cleared his throat, he coughed up a grotesque loogy, possibly from chewing out some hooker pussy and vulgarly spit it on the floor.

Luigi struggled as he was reading Peach's grammatically atrocious letter.

_"Hello ther Mario! I am now on my menstral vacashon and Im travling around the Mushrum Kingdum. And chek this out! Some old dum m robed wumin sold mii this map...a MAJICAL map! That could find teasure. I got it in this shady part of the Kingdom called Getoport. But since Im 2 week to find the tregure myself...Maybii u can do it 4 me! Prity Pleez? Wii can use the tresure 2 buy an infinat amount of drugs for evry1! Wii get 2 save r ecodomy and then trick the black naborhoods into doing the deadly ones like Crack Heroin Meth and even Chompadil!1 The map is on the bakj behind this paper. If it isisnt abvius alredy, bring the map with you when you come Meat mii at GettoPort or I will personally have U X-icuted for being stupid tee hee. Plox cum soon, k? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD"_

Mario: Did she really just use XD on a fucking letter?

Luigi: At least if this was an email, she could have used some spellcheck.

Mario: That fucking bitch! If she thinks she can bribe me with some materialistic treasure and some deth threats. I'm gonna put my foot so far -

Luigi: Wait! Mario! There's more!

_"Oh and I wil have sex wiff you._

_\- Peach"_

Mario stared at Luigi blankly for about 4 or 6 seconds.

Mario: LETS-A GO!

Luigi: *Sigh* He is so whipped…

Mario and Luigi immediately set sail on a boat to a new adventure and a new destination, one which they've never seen before.

Mario and Luigi are now seen riding a boat across seas on a sunny sunny day where the title reads "SUPER MARIO and THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA! (c)"

Now imagine as that title scene occurring that you're hearing the song "I'm on a Boat! by the Lonely Island" Nah. Just kidding, thats too gay! lol Imagine you're hearing "Break on Through by The Doors" GET IT!? Cause I replaced "Door" with "Drama." Get it now!? I only did it ironically! And anything done ironically is automatically funny and excusable according to the internet but seriously. Look that song up. I think you'll like it.

**Chapture 1 - 2: The Stupid Boat**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 16th, 2004. It was 1:49 PM, and sunny with 64 degrees Fahrenheit.]_

**_[Some Fucking Ocean]_**

Luigi started vomiting a hydro pump's worth of puke all over the boat. This could have won America's Funniest Home Videos if it were recorded. Bob Saget would have shat himself.

Mario watched Luigi puke and was disgusted.

Mario: What the hell, Luigi!? Why can't you just puke outside of the boat!?

Wario who was also there looking over and started laughing before adding something to the conversation.

Wario (Age 46): Or better yet, puke from the back so that way you can make us go faster.

Mario looked at Wario with anger.

Mario: Shut Up Wario! You may be driving our boat to GhettoPort, but you're still our fucking hostage.

Wario: You mean MY boat that YOU hijacked!?

Mario: It's not hijacking, we're just hitching a fucking ride and we tied you up because you were being a dick.

Luigi: Wait, I thought we tied him up so that we could rape him later?

Wario: How are you going to rape me when you tied me up to the driver's seat, and glued my hands to the steering wheel. I've been SHITTING MYSELF for the past 2 weeks with none of you having the common decency to put a diaper on me! And for FUCK sakes Luigi! Stop fucking puking! It smells like fecal garbage from a third world country! You stank up my whole fucking ship and I wanna go home!

Luigi: Shut the fucBLEEEEEGGG!

Luigi continued to vomit everywhere like a sick toddler on steroids.

Mario: Man... Luigi, you should really take some kind of meds for seasickness. Wario, you had a choice. You decided to be a greedy asshole by not letting us borrow the boat, so we had to snort a shit ton of stardust and kick your fat, ugly, retarded ass! Second, this issue is BIGGER than you! The princess needs us for important things... uhh... Treasure! Third. IM GETTIN' LAID BIATCH!

Luigi started panting stating that he is feeling better now.

Wario: How about I just crash the boat onto some ice burg huh! Yeah? Pull a Titanic on all of us! And no 1 gets the treasure!

Mario: I dare you to do it, motherfucker! But just know that the ship will take a while to sink and before it does, WE WILL FUCKING RAPE YOU DEAD!

Luigi looks over at Mario

Luigi: Hey Mario! Tell the story how you got fired from your plumbing job again!

Mario: Uhh... Why?

Luigi: Cause... It's funny.

Wario: I wanna hear!

Mario: So basically, as some of you may know, back in my plumbing days, I would peek on girl's showering, or sometimes shitting or pissing in my down time. Basically, for those of you who don't know this, toilets can work as warp pipes if you are an experienced plumber. So 1 day, I did the usual stick my head out of the toilet as this 1 toadette was showering. Little did I know she was only 11. I seriously thought she was 18. I guess I could have paid more attention to the "My Little Pony" stickers pasted on the shower walls. I guess she could have been a pegasister, I don't know. Anyway, her mom came in and she started sceaming, "RAPIST! RAPIST!", but before I could get the fuck out of there, her 10 foot tall, buff as fuck, 300 lbs husband busts the door down, punches me in the mouth, breaking all my teeth then lifts me up by his fist which was still in my mouth and starts beating my ass with his huge fucking energy fist. He broke every bone in my body, fucked his wife right in front of me out of pure adrenaline and then shit on my dying carcass. I actually lost a life but I had 99 more and a bitch ain't one so it was alright. I was sentenced to the Mushroom County Correctional Facility for 10 years (Thats jail you fuckheads) but the judge tacked on an extra 5 because I took my dick out during court and pissed all over the bailiff when he tried to stop me. As I said earlier though, I can use toilets as warp pipes and that's how I got out of prison. If they catch me then I'll probably get more time but I'll just break out again, what are they gonna do? Give me a cell without a toilet? Maybe I wouldn't have left if prison if rape wasn't such a huge fucking problem.

Luigi and Wario started laughing and complimenting Mario.

Luigi: Dude! Nice!

Wario: Wow! Thats some pretty sick shit! Even for me! Thats Awesome!

Mario raised his head in pride.

Mario: Thanks Guys.

Luigi: Yeah, that story never gets old.

Every looks over the horizon and saw land within the distance.

Wario: Look everyone! GhettoPort!

Mario: Finally! We're here!

Luigi: Yeah! BLEEEEEEEEGGGG!

Luigi starts puking fucking everyone again like a retard.

Mario: OH GOD DAMNIT LUIGI! *sigh* They better have some pot.

**Chapture 1 - 3: Enter the Man Child**

_**[Ghettoport Docks]**_

Luigi: That was the longest boat ride I've ever been on!

Mario: Yeah Wario! Next time, try having a faster boat.

Wario stared at Mario in a condescending expression.

Wario: Fuck you, I'm leaving.

Wario sailed away on his boat without the Mario Bros untying him.

Mario turns to Luigi

Mario: …Why did we let him take the boat? Now we don't have a way back.

Luigi: You're right, maybe we can-

A sharp and painful smell attacks Mario's nose as he cuts Luigi off

Mario: LUIGI! Get away from me! You smell awful! You smell worse than Honey Booboo's Mom! Your smell can single handedly give Helen Keller a reason for fear! I would rather huff a gallon on Jenkem than you right now!

(Look up Jenkem. You'll laugh. Fox News did a report on it.)

Luigi: Eat shit, you fat, gay pedophile!

Mario: You smell like you actually did eat shit! Go take a fucking shower!

Mario charges at Luigi, pushing him into the water violently

Luigi was fucking drowning but soon got his ass bitten by a Nibbles. It bit him so hard, that he flew away somewhere no 1 gives a fuck about right now.

Mario explored Ghettoport and saw how shitty of a town it was, he was fucking pissed that he was here going on an entire adventure for the fucking Princess instead of at home on the couch with his hand in his pants. He was especially annoyed by some fucked up looking base-head who was asking people for balloons as they passed by.

Mario: I have never seen a bigger shit-stain of a town than this place. It smells like garbage but compared to Luigi's vomit, I can get used to it. At least this looks like one of those places where all drugs are legal and the police will let you off for driving drunk for a pack of cigarettes. Maybe this is one of the places that Peach wants to fuck over even harder than it actually is already by leaking crack and heroine into the community through the government. Speaking of Peach, I gotta get find her to get MAH dick on! (Mario said talking like he was a Regular Show character)

Mario began eavesdropping on a loud possible pre-rape argument. The man plotting his assault was a fat blasted bearded bastard with a big ass spiky mustache, goggles that covered any distinction of his eyes. He wore a horned helmet like he was an edgy teenager trying to be a fucking demon or some stupid shit. He had a cape like Evel Knievel, and tights that gripped his groin so hard that you could see his mangina through his jumpsuit. The Girl in this feud with him was a Goomba who had on an Archeologist helmet (possibly from growing up with Jackie Chan Adventures on Cartoon Network), She had a long blonde ponytail and was very pale for a goomba along with what seemed to be a nervous tick of hers which was to wink her left eye and to show 1 of her goomba fangs. She was also the only clothed goomba Mario has ever seen and it strangely turned him on much like a naked woman.

The Man began to corner the Goomba

Goombella (age 21): I'm not doing that! That's disgusting!

Robotnik (Age 35): Silence you foolish shrewd! I know this is tough for you, but I want you to take off all of your clothes and put on only this diaper! All of Deviantart will love it and fap their micro-penises off to the sight of your feet and hot diapered ASSSSS.

Goombella: No! Thats creepy as fuck! I'm not gonna be a part of your sick pedo fetish, asshole!

Robotnik: Come on... just wear the damn diaper like a good girl! It's super comfortable and looks fucking great! I put one on all the time before pleasuring myself while looking into a mirror! Hah-hah, yeah!

Goombella: That's fucking disgusting, you're sick!

Goombella began to tear up in disgust as well as panic for dear life, worrying about what he may do to her.

Robotnik: K I'm bored now. X-Nauts!

2 of his henchmen known as X-Nauts walked towards Robotnik.

X-Nauts: Yes lord!?

Robotnik: Bring her to my SEX DUNGEON where I will partake in countless deviant act on this fire-crotch, like RAPE and MORE RAPE!

Apparently, Robotnik is shaky on his definition of "fire crotch."

Goombella: NO! Get away from me!

As Mario eavesdropped, he assumed these events were quite normal, so he decided to walk around the drama hoping the Princess would still be frisky.

Goombella looked around frantically and saw Mario, the fat, Italian drunk who had saved the world countless times before (mostly by accident or in pursuit of pussy) and ran behind him in fear.

Goombella: HEY! RANDOM STRANGER! Get this pervy sub-cretin far away from me! I'm just really frightened, please!

Mario: Whoa whoa whoa! Don't get me involved! I just got here!

Mario: Excuse me Robotnik looking dude, dont mind me. Im just a normal guy trying to get his poll wet.

Mario thought he smelled Marijuana on Robotnik, so he thought that they could smoke some together and smooth this stupid shit over while high as fuck.

Mario: Hey…do you have any weed?

Robotnik: Oh so your trying to foil my plan eh? Well sir, this is MY PRAY! You get your own!

Mario: That's fine, I was just leaving.

Robotnik: Are you trying to get sarcastic with me! Sarcasm is a huge trigger of mine!

Mario: How was that sarcastic? I was just -

Robotnik: I spent 5 years in therapy trying to deal with sarcasm!

Robotnik began having an adult like hissy fit which resulted in him swinging a fist at Mario and missing.

Mario: Okay that's it! Nobody makes me flaccid and gets away with it! ITS ON!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 20

Robotnik: Power Level 8

_Battle Music: E.G.G.M.A.N. by Paul Shortino_

(f you played Sonic Adventure 2, you'll know what I'm talking about)

Goombella: Alright! Kick his ass!

Mario: Shut the fuck up or I will rape you dead! I just wanted to get some pussy and leave but you got me into this bullshit!

Goombella: It's okay! Just jump on him and hit him with your hammer!

Mario: Bitch, I know how to jump! I'm fucking Mario! And how did you know I have a hammer!?

Robotnik impatiently punched Mario [1 Damage]

Mario: Ouch shit! Okay stop distracting me! I gotta put my foot up this guy's ass AND RAPE HIM WITH IT!

Mario jumps on Robotnik: [1 Damage]

Goombella: You got this! Don't give up!

Mario: Biiiiiitch! Don't just cheer me on! Fucking do something or are you one of those college girls who are only good for sucking dick and getting gangfucked by a pack of niggers!?

Robotnik uses ass blast on Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario uses Hammer but fucks it up a little: [1 Damage]

Robotnik: Oh please! My beautiful buns of brutality are far more fierce than your cheaply made jew hammer!

Robotnik uses ass blast: [Mario uses defense]

Mario: Your ass is like a pillow! I'd like to fuck it! That didn't even hurt one bit!

Mario uses hammer again but right: [2 Damage]

Robotnik: THAT'S IT! WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU, IM GONNA ASS FUCK YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR ASS BLEEDS AND WE BOTH GET AIDS! THEN IM GOING TO GO BACK TO YOUR HOMETOWN AND GIVE IT TO EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER CARED FOR!

Mario: GO AHEAD AND WASTE YOUR TIME! THERE IS NOBODY I FUCKING CARE FOR!

Robotnik charges with an ultimate ass blast attack worth 500 damage (strongest move in the game)

Mario deflects by shoving his fist up Robotnik's asshole: [1 Damage]

Robotnik rolled on his back and in-explicitly soiled himself from the harsh anal tension from Mario's fist thus embarrassing him.

Mario shakes all of the blood off of his hand and some gets on Goombella

Goombella didn't notice since she was recording the fight with her flip video camera to later upload on YouTube.

Goombella: Yay! You did it! I bet this'll go viral!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Robotnik: Dammit! The 1 day that I didn't wear a diaper and I shat myself! CURSES!

Mario: What is your obsession with diapers anyway?

Robotnik stood with an embarrassing shit stain visible from the outside of his thin tights.

Robotnik: Oh I'm not done yet! I got 1 more trick in my pants!

Robotnik: X-Nauts!

A million freakin' X Nauts showed up.

Robotnik: Get into your orgy positions of deth!

The X Nauts all started taking off their clothes under their masks and partook in disturbing sex positions.

Robotnik: Ready!?

Robotnik: ITS GO TIME! (phased in the same way from Time Squad on Cartoon Network)

Robotnik: PUNISH! THEIR! ASSHOLES!

Robotnik and the millions of X Nauts got into a violent sex orgy as Mario and Goombella snuck off. Their plan of gang raping Mario and Goombella failed miserably but they still had some pretty good fucking.

Goombella: This way!

Goombella pointed towards the direction despite not having hands.

Goombella: They all need to go to a loony bin. BIG TIME!

Mario: You bet your virgin cunt, they do!

Robotnik: MEN!

The X Nauts all got out of their sex positions.

Robotnik: We did it! We fucked them SO hard that they disintegrated into a million burnt cells so small that we can't even see them!

Lord Cru- I mean Robotnik looked into the sky, proud of his gay, retarded accomplishment that obviously didn't even happen.

Robotnik: Good work men! Mission accomplished! Now let's get back to the fortress. I have to catch a new episode of Orange is the New Black as I stick my hand down my pants and eat Hot Pockets! Heh heh yeah.

**Chapture 1 - 4: Toadsworth's only legitimate scene**

_**[Ghettoport Central]**_

Goombella: Holy fuck that was terrifying... Thank you!.

Mario: Yeah its whatevs... It was kind of a boner killer though...wish you actually did shit in the fight.

Goombella: Oh... well in that case, heh. I don't normally do this, but since you totally just saved my life, I owe you this.

Goombella started walking toward him slowly and surely.

She started making out with Mario frantically

Mario wanted to save his man jizz for the waiting Princess, but due to the fact that he is a male, he couldn't resist. Mario is normally turned off by Goombas because…just look at them, they're fucking mushrooms with feet but Goombella had clothes on so it was kinda sexy, she was also light skinned and cute as fuck.

After an awkward 3 minute long make out scene, she began to unzip her clothes. Right as Mario grabbed her belt buckle, an elderly British butler of Peach's named Toadsworth (age 60) soon came out of no where and saw Mario and some blonde Goomba who thought she was in Jackie Chan.

Toadsworth starred in confusion before realizing what was actually happening, then he got behind Mario and started feeling him up, thinking he could make it a 3 way.

Mario back kicked him in the balls attempting to go for his shin but toads don't have legs

Toadsworth: AAHH!

Toadsworth received a huge purple old people bruise from the impact on his groin.

Goombella suddenly felt really embarrassed about the awkward make out session.

HAHA! You thought this fanfic would be more erotic huh!? You faggots thought this shit was going to turn all erotic, I bet you had your dicks out and everything. Why the fuck would you masturbate to a Paper Mario parody fanfic? You autistic, son?

Goombella: Oh my god! Sorry! I dont know what came over me! I'm not used to being saved ever…

Mario didn't give a shit.

Mario: Toadsworth!? What are you doing here!? Shouldn't you be guarding the castle?

[Cuts to a scene where a bunch of Bowser's Koopas, and Mushroom Kingdom citizens started pillaging and trashing up the castle with senseless violence.]

Toadsworth: Well... we do in fact keep the dark folk away from our vicinity known as the capital, so its all dandy.

Mario: Do you mean black people? Ehh, I don't give a shit. But I'm assuming you traveled here with Peach?

Toadsworth: Haha! It sheerly be of chronically ideal coincidence that we cross paths in such a pig stye as the south side of Mushroom Kingdom is it not? You see, we made venture in a halt because Peach and I had to gander at this rather negro affiliated location. We had to do a little thing called "trolling" a high class game rather where we fool the darker folk into shooting each other.

Gombella: Why do I feel like you're trying really hard not to conform to the stereotype of an old racist by avoiding the use of you know... the N Word?

Mario: Sooo... Peach is here?

Toadsworth spaced out and got nervous as he brushed his old geezer sweat off with a fancy yet semen stained handkerchief. Apparently, he has developed severe Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) as he became old.

Toadsworth: Say! Did you catch that recent episode of Hell's Kitchen!? Boy, Gordon Goomsey really let this 1 guy have it I tell you! Haha! He told him, "you burn my fucking Shroom Cake in the fucking oven? Then I'll will fucking make like fucking Hitfuckingler, and fucking burn you in a fucking oven! Cause you fucking cook like a fucking jew!"

A random orthodox Jew Toad in the background overheard the conversation while staring at the old, sweaty Toad and just walked away and was mercilessly beaten to deth by a couple of overweight Hawaiian Mobsters.

Mario became so frustrated that it... actually started to hurt the tip of his penis.

Mario: YOU OLD FUCK, PUT IN THE HEARING AID, TAKE YOUR ATTENTION PILLS OR WHATEVER AND JUST ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION, YOU HAIRY, OLD MUSHROOM FUCK!

Mario: IS

Mario: PEACH

Mario: HERE?

Toadsworth: Oh... Why yes! Peach must have sent you a letter. You must be looking for the fine temptress?

Toadsworth died a little...

Mario: Yes... Get to the point...

Toadsworth: Well... we lost her.

Mario facepalms in frustration for 10 awkwardly silent minutes.

Toadsworth: If it makes you feel better, we suspect that Bowser did it.

Mario: How the fuck did Bowser even know that she was here? Has she been updating her facebook with her location again? I fucking told her to stop doing that because that is very obviously the leading cause of her getting kidnapped. So what now? Off to Bowser's castle again? I'm gonna have to go all the way there after just getting here?

Toadsworth: I am not in the slightest certain. You know how she behaves while she is attired skin tight white ghetto leggings. I always inform her not to come crying to me when she becomes peckered by a congregation of negro men.

Goombella: I don't understand why you don't just say, The N word, you aren't making any attempt to hide the fact that you're a racist.

Mario: So wait... You're suggesting maybe she got murder-fucked?

Toadsworth: … Wait! Mario! I have an Idea!

Mario: ...

Toadsworth: You!

Mario: ...

Toadsworth: You're Super Mario!

Mario: ...what?

Toadsworth: You can do it! You always find a way to save the day! Haha! I knew you'd come here for a reason.

Mario: Welp... I

Toadsworth rudely interrupted.

Toadsworth: I believe in you Master Mario! Now I have partaken of the whoozyness that is Xanax and I shall be off to slumber in the random inn behind us. If you need a place for rejuvenation, you can act upon such deeds in my room. Feel free to pull up Peach's mattress tranched in her cooch juices and period blood. Our room is upstairs above Podley's Pub. Now save peach or I shall have you executed!

Toadsworth walks away.

Goombella: God damn that felt like forever!

Mario: ... Pub huh? You know, this place might not be so bad... still smells like shit though. Ay, Goomba Girl, how old are you?

Goombella: 21!

Goombella started to blush.

Goombella: Also, there's no age rule against drinking here!

Mario: Sweet! Wanna grab a drink?

Goombella: Yeah sure.

**Chapture 1 - 5: Goombella's name is a play on "Goomba" and "Portabella"**

**[Podley's Pub]**

Mario and Goombella walk into a bar... and they started talking about relevant shit pertaining to the story that hopefully won't drag on too long.

Seen at the pub are a couple of shady looking goons that don't matter right now. They have the song _Living after Midnight by Judas Priest_ playing which is 1 of the best stereotypical bar songs imaginable.

Mario ordered himself 3 shots of Bacardi for 4 coins and was even nice enough to spot Goombella for a beer. Since she was 21 and like many 21 year olds, she was new to drinking.

She got a plain Bud Light for 1 coin resulting in Mario calling her a pussy, then Mario remembered that Carlos Mencia did a Bud Light commercial a while back and wondered what happened to him.

Goombella: So wait, did that guy mean that "thee" Princess Peach is missing!?

Mario: Are you fucking serious? I'm "thee" Mario, so why would you think I'd be rescuing anybody other than, "thee", Princess Peach. That bitch gets kidnapped all the time and every time it's mentioned on the news, they blow the story out of proportion and keep on talking about it for like weeks after I've rescued her and the problem has been solved.

Goombella: You don't have to go on a fucking rant, asshole. So you're really, "thee", Mario then? I thought you just kinda looked like him…you look a lot fatter and grosser in person…

Mario takes a shot of his rum

Mario: Wait, I thought you already knew that. Oh and fuck you.

Goombella: So you're Mario!? O.M.G.! I love your games!

The song changes to _Black in Black by ACDC_ an even more generic bar song.

Mario: Yeah. Sorry about *burp* killing all Goombas?

Goombella: Well don't stereotype us... We're not all like that. But still! You're freaking Mario! That's so cool! And you're in a pub with me! That's... kind of hot!

She started to blush again along with getting a little wet in her panties. Just a little... but don't tell Mario. If you got hard from reading that then you should feel bad about who you are.

Goombella: So wait... What are you doing here exactly?

She took a sip of her Bud Light and gagged a little because she's a weak-ass pussy.

Mario: Well Peach made me meet her here or she'd have my ass executed and not sex her. She mailed me this treasure map that i've been whipping my nose with.

Mario took another intense shot of rum.

Goombella: A map? Lemme see! Lemme see!

Goombella started to act, and think she was drunk from a sip of Bud Light... *sigh*

Mario set the map down on the bar table

The Bartender, Podley (age 56) walked over to Mario.

Podley: Do you need anything else drink sir? It looks like your girlfriend here could use some water or she'll end up with a nasty headache later.

Mario: Nah, we're good.

Podley walked away mindlessly thinking about depressing stuff, so depressing that not even Edgar Allan Poe would fuck with that.

Goombella: Wait... This actually looks like something I've been studying this summer with my college professor. I came here with him on a research trip. He was only taking honer student's and chose me, also-

Mario interrupted rudely

Mario: Did you suck his fucking dick to get in?

Gombella: …..No.

Mario: Liar... But what does this have to do with Peach missing exactly?

A random guy far in the background of the pub rudely accumulated a loud fart that was casually ignored.

Goombella: I don't know, but we should see him, he's renting a house for this project that could actually involve that map! I kinda have a feeling this and the Princess may be connected.

Mario: None of this is making sense. I mean, this isn't like some fucking DiVinci code or nothing.

Goombella: Well. Think about. She sends you a map, then goes missing, this is textbook prologue formula. Now come on! No time to waste.

**Goombella has joined Mario's party. Wait... It is even really a "party" yet?**

Mario: Oh god damnit

*Mario tries ignoring the narrations by talking to the other person sitting next to him at the bar*

**[Initiation Mode]**

Well assuming that you've played Paper Mario 2 or 1 even, you know about her bitching ability.

Goombella has the superpower of knowing about every person, place, and or thing along with their secrets except for Mario apparently. The book she carries around contains information on every enemy and boss in the fucking game, makes me kinda wonder if it has info on everyone in the entire world.

Goombella: See that purple skinned long haired woman next to you Mario? Shes a trap.

*Mario looks over at the trap sitting next to him at the bar*

Mario: ...

Goombella: A drag queen.

Mario: ...

Goombella: A transvestite

Mario: ...

Goombella: She's a dude.

Mario: EWW! I just tried to make a move on her... thanks I guess.

In battles, she can tell you all about your enemies from their attack power, how many sex partners they've had, what kind of sex they've had and how many of those sex partners were the same sex.

*Goombella looked back in the bar and spotted a Goomba*

Goombella: This goomba has a power level of 1!

Mario: What about that yellow, weird looking guy over there?

*Mario points to Flavio*

Goombella: Level 1

Mario: No, I mean how many sex partners he's had of the same sex, I bet the man woman thing next to me 50 coins that he's gay.

Goombella: He's had…no sex partners in his entire life.

Mario: Well who wins the bet then?

**[End of Initiation Mode]**

Mario: So, we have to go?

Goombella: Yeah! Besides, i'm starting to feel uncomfortable here. Everyone's been staring at us for this entire conversation, probably because you're the only normal human here and people like you are kinda rare.

Mario: ...ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffshit.

**Chapture 1 - 6: Wiggers live here too**

Mario and Goombella began walking to her professor's house. Before directly heading over, they stopped at "Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop" as Mario whimsically blew all of Wario's money that he stole on 3 shrooms and 3 bags of fireweed which is another drug in this universe. They call it fireweed because if you smoke too much, you'll start thinking that you're on fire despite not being in any pain or anything.

**[Ghettoport East]**

As they were walking towards Goombella's professor's house, some dumb hooded wigger (age 16) sprinted directly at Mario thus giving him a nose bleed.

Mario: OUCH! THE FUCK!?

Goombella: What the hell is your problem asshole!?

Wigger: I FUCKED YOUR MOM, BIATCH!

The fucking gangsta wannabe wigger ran off into a dark alley. The wigger was able to run very fast from previously stealing Sonic the Hedgehog's shoes.

Goombella: You're fucking dead, bitch!

Mario: God.. Damnit!

Goombella: Mario. You gotta wake up. That asshole just stole all your coins.

Mario: That's impossible. I spent it all on those drugs from that bizarre shop.

Goombella: What!? Oh god damnit! You must have spent all of it while I was in the bathroom! Have some common sense, Mario. We're in the Ghettoiest part of the Mushroom fucking Kingdom, and you spent it all on drugs! You broke us! You completely broke us you fucking addict!

Mario: Wait! Shut the fuck up!

Mario interrupted Goombella as he looked through his pockets.

Mario: ... my cigarettes! He stole my cigarettes. I need those for looking cool in front of high schoolers so I can manipulate them into doing dumb shit I tell them to!

Goombella: What's wrong with you?

Mario: I have crippling depression and don't give a fuck about anything! Now, let's go kick his ass.

Mario began to walk angrily towards the dark alley the wigger chose to corner himself in for some reason. Goombella followed

[Scene transition to the wigger]

The Wigger is smoking cigarettes in front of a bunch of stupid teenage Goomba's who think he's the coolest thing ever for smoking cigarettes.

Teenage Goomba #1: So, can you like teach us how to smoke?

The Wigger blows some smoke down at the Goombas.

Wigger: Y'all niggas gonna hav 2 du the happy dance or some shit for me to teach you how to smoke.

The Goombas begin to do the happy dance and the Wigger laughs at them before Mario comes out from behind the corner and swats them away.

Mario: So you think you can just take my cigs like you're some kind of shit huh?

Wigger: Man whateva biatch. Yo lucky I jus don' shank yo Mexican lookin' ass and yo big headed midget bitch.

Wigger began to taunt Mario by putting 2 more cigarettes in his mouth, smoking 3 at once.

Mario: Put that shit down, fuck head!

The wigger ignored his demand.

Wigger: How bout I get my whole pack up in yo dumbass and smoke all yo stank asses.

Goombella: Oh you are so full of shit. Mario! Hes lying! He has no pack! All gang members around these parts have to be in shape and none of them would be caught dead with cigarettes.

Mario: Leave it to the local gangs to teach everyone's children not to smoke cigarettes.

Mario began to taunt the ugly wigger.

Mario: Oh... you're 1 of those "big talk" kind of inbreds. You look like a handicapped crack baby that got birthed off a cliff by your crackwhore of a mom that thought you were gonna be the fucking Highlander or some shit. Instead, you landed on your fucking head and now you think you're some kind of nigger boy.

Goombella started to become uncomfortable due to her not liking the word "nigger."

Wigger: Hey! That's exactly right! I'm gonna whoop yo ass for sayin that!

As the wigger walked towards Mario in an attempt to "whoop his ass," an anvil from the sky landed on the wigger resulting in bursting all of his blood cells along with crushing him to deth.

Goombella barfed all over the anvil due to her weak stomach when it comes to gore.

Mario: Holy shit! My cigarettes are gone! Mother Fucker! I spent 13 coins on that pack.

Goombella: I hear that Mushroom County has an over priced tax on cigarettes where you live.

Mario stared blankly at the anvil in frustration.

Mario: *sigh* Lets just go see that professor you suck dick for.

Goombella: Don't remind me...

**Chapture 1 - 7: This story comes with a Professor.**

After more useless misadventures and struggles to find the professor's house, Goombella finally decided to pull up GPS directions on her phone and at long last found it.

Goombella: Well here it is! 421. Martin Luther Koopa blvd.

(I hope that's not anyone's real address)

Mario began knocking on his door. He kept knocking louder and louder hoping he would answer.

Goombella: Hey professor!?

Goombella continued to yell seeing if he was home.

Goombella: Mario, I don't think hes home…

Mario spaced out a little and impulsively knock down his door with his hammer.

Goombella: What the hell Mario! Did you really just do that!?

Mario: Get used to this.

**_[Professor Frankly (Age 67)'s House]_**

Mario and Goombella entered the professor's house as he was passed out drunk on a bottle of Dalmore Scotch with a vacuum nozzle on his dick. His old ass can't handle his liquor like he used to so he must have passed out while fucking the vacuum so hard that not even knocking the door down could wake him up.

Goombella: Ah jeez. He reeks of liquor! It smells awful!.

Mario rolled his eyes at Goombella when suddenly, he got an idea. Mario decided to play 1 of the most annoying, embarrassing and unintelligent songs known to mankind. He pulled out his cell phone, hooked it up to some speakers in his house, and started blasting Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent on full volume.

The professor jumped as he was startled by the baffling garbage that is Ted Nugent! A bunch of random artifacts he brought with him also shook from the loud volume, several dildos fell off his shelf and onto the floor to Goombella's disgust.

Professor Frankly: TURN THAT SHIT OFF! IT'S LIKE SOMEONE TOOK THE HOLOCAUST AND CONVERTED IT INTO AUDIO!

Mario's plan worked successfully as the half jewish, elderly forayed Albert Einstein in Goomba form grabbed Mario's phone and chucked it at the wall thus breaking it. Ted Nugent's soul raised out of the phone and floated up to heaven just for God to send him to hell because he didn't want Nugent there. Satan didn't want Nugent in Hell either so a war broke out between then because apparently God doesn't have the power to make a third place to put Ted Nugent since it'd be too cruel to allow him to roam the Earth as a Ghost.

Mario: Hey that was my phone asshole! GOD DAMNIT THIS TRIP FUCKING SUCKS SO FAR!

Frankly: Robbers! All of you get out or i'm calling the Hawaiian mafia on you scum!

Mario: Not until I kick your anciently pruned ass!

Goombella: Whoa whoa whoa! Mario! Must you always pick a fight with everyone you meet?

Mario: Yes.

Goombella: And Professor, it's me. I was in your archeology class last year.

Frankly: Saying "Its me" doesn't help. Wait... are you the student I gave an "A" for letting me gag you in the shower while you fingered yourself? No wait... she cancelled because another girl she didn't like was coming here.

Goombella: Yeah... No. Im the student from your Archeology IV class you gave an "A" for doing that... mouth thing while I was in a clown suit.

Mario began to laugh his fucking ass off which made Goombella tear up a bit.

Frankly: Oy Vey! Goombella! Thats right! We flew here together. I remember now! While you were in the bathroom in the airport. I couldn't help but follow the smell of the Auntie Anne's section with that cinnamon pretzel sent they used. Yeah... I lost you and give up after I spent about a minute looking for you. I just assumed you got murder-fucked so I gave up. Anyway, yeah... your alive... How are you?

Goombella: I'm good. You know, I just finished my junior year at University of Goom! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Frankly: Yes, I got it! You told me before we left.

Goombella: Goombas…

Frankly: Wait who's that behind you? Isn't he 1 of our janitors? Are you sleeping with a janitor!?

Mario began to space out as he started staring off at some ancient stones that look oddly like Katy Perry's boobs.

Goombella: No! Thats Mario! You know, "thee" Mario? The 1 from the video games?

Frankly: I have no clue. I don't play video games, and you shouldn't either.

Goombella: Hey! Fuck you! Theres nothing wrong with playing video games as a college student. Lots of people do it. Besides, there's nothing wrong with being an adult and liking quote on quote childish things. Authors that make shows for kid's are only trying to appeal to wider audiences. Some of them happen to be kids but I, nor is anyone is too old for "kid" things! And furthermore, (blah blah blah blah blah blah blah yap yap yap aaaaahhhh, she's totally right but she isn't going to convince anybody that she isn't childish by bitching like a child would...)

After Goombella's unnecessary awkward tangent for 16 minutes. Frankly fell asleep while.

Mario found another object that looks like Brittany Spears vadgelly.

Goombella: HEY! WAKE UP!

Goombella throws her empty can of Bud Light she pretended to finish at his head.

Frankly: Sorry, what? I wasn't listening.

Goombella: Yeah. Go figure. Anyway, we were hoping you'd tell Mario about that legend about the treasure underneath GhettoPort. I thought that if anyone knew more about it, you would. After all, you lectured us about it last year. Although I feel bad for spacing out during it.

Frankly: Oh. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. Alright so pay attention this time.

Frankly began to face Mario.

Frankly: Including you lard ass!

Frankly got Mario's attention as he dropped a shit ton of rare artifacts he was previously juggling in the air.

Frankly: I can cooperate with you however, you tykes just have to PAY ATTENTION! Now... First of all, about the treasure... There are many hypotheticals of what this treasure may be. Yes. Many rumors indeed. Some state that it may be a generic treasure chest, another star rod, rare drugs, sliced bread, porn, blueprints of a radioactive doomsday device that can alter our thermal atmosphere. I've read some book that it may even be Odin, or Satan, or Glycon the All Powerful, or some kind of Shadow Queen. Personally, its probably just an expired welfare check. Who knows what's actually in there. 1 thing I know for certain is that if you want to unlock the treasure, you must collect all 7 Star Spiri- I mean... all 7 Chaos Emer- Wait no... I actually mean all 7 Dragon Bal- No! Wait... I got it. Its actually all 7 Dedly Star Stones. What in Good Gandhi's Ghost is with all of these "7 objects?" Yeah... Its 1 those kinds of stories. No seriously. What is the obsession with collecting 7 objects!? Ehh who knows.

Goombella: Yeah! I remember you bringing up the 7 Dedly Star Stones. They open this "Thousand-Year Door" I learned about in Art History II for a humanities credit. Once you open it, you find the treasure!

Frankly: Yes. Correct for a student that got by with sexual favors... But i'm afraid finding this treasure is impossible without the majical map. Once placed on the shrine facing the door, the map will give a location of the 7 dedly stars 1 by 1... Oh yes... Indeed impossible I must say.

Goombella: But Professor! You'll never guess this. Mario over there has the map!

Mario started paying attention after spacing out once again.

Frankly: WHAT IN THE NAME OF COUNTESS BATHORY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! NO 1 HAS BEEN ABLE TO FIND THE LOST MAP IN HUNDREDS OF YEARS! Are you saying that this low life specimen has uncovered the ancient map?

Mario: Yeah... you bet you old yellow non toned goomba ass I have it!

Goombella: Mario. Stop talking about my Professer's ass.

Mario hands the map to Frankly.

Frankly: EWW! Its wet.

Mario: Sorry. I've been using it as a tissue. Aaaand I had a bloody nose earlier.

Frankly: You bastard... If I had arms, I would punch you so hard in the stomach, that I will grab your spine out of your flesh making you my bitch.

Goombella: Hey! Thats from Mortal Kom-

Frankly: I don't give a shit!

Frankly: Columbus' Carcass! this seems to be the real deal! The Majical Map! You sir, I now actually have some slight respect for you now. You may have even just saved my career. Jumping Jehova! In that case, bring the map! we must bring it to the ancient door right away!

Goombella: But wait... Finding this alone is a huge discovery in on itself, don't you wanna examine it a little?

Frankly: There's no time I say! NO TIME!

Mario: Why do I feel like this will take much longer than "no time?"

Frankly: NO TIME!

**Chapture 1 - 8: If you thought the ghetto was bad?...**

_**[Ghettoport East]**_

Frankly: Alright kids. We're gonna find a way to go underneath this wretched inhabitance.

Mario: Uhh... Well there's a warp pipe right there behind that fence.

Frankly: You mean that? Hmm... Why of course! This whole time, I thought that was a fountain designed to spew fecal waste!

Goombella: Why would anybody make something like that?

Frankly: To scare away the brown people!

Mario: That pipe is going to be full of shit and smell horrible but I use to be a plumber, so I'm used to it. I'll go first.

Frankly: Good. So if fecal matter starts spewing, then you will be the 1 to partake as the shit shield. WAIT! Something just occurred to me. Do you both want to go over some action commands?

Mario and Goombella: NO!

Meanwhile as they traveled through the crummy irrigation system, they soon made it to Ghettoport's sewere. Can you imagine what that shit must smell like? I mean, you're in a fucking sewer... in a fucking 3rd world ghetto. You will probably die in real life. And I will laugh.

_**[Ghettoport Sewers]**_

As they exited the warp pipe, 3 horny, horny goombas were standing in front of them almost as if they know Mario and friends were going to come down.

GoomButch (goomba) (age 38): Ey jew nosed pimp! (directed to Mario) Whos that hot piece of ANAL with you. Is she your bottom BITCH!?

GoomBalls(paragoomba) (age 43): I'd like to bite on her nipples till she gets a STITCH!

GoomBuddy (spiny goomba) (age 38): I wanna grind up her organs, and rub them on my dick till it starts to ITCH!

Goombella got really pale and started to feel shock and sickness that perverts actually managed to out perv Robotnik.

Mario: Can I help you 3?

Goombella: Oh my god! Does everyone in this fucking town have to be such a pervert! No! Really! Literally, EVERYONE I met here is a fucking perv!

GoomButch: We are 3 goombas and we like to fuck!

GoomBalls: You got a cunt? Well you sure are in luck!

GoomBuddy: I'm so horny, I could have sex with a duck!

Goombella: EWW! Mario! Please kill these guys. Shit on them if you have to. I don't care! These gooms are really making me wanna BLLEEEEEEGGGGG!

Goombella barfed all over Mario

Mario: AHH! GOOMBELLA! You Bitch! I just finally got Luigi's barf out of my overalls!

Frankly: It appears you got 1 of each class of Goomba you're up against. Incase you haven't noticed. Look out for Goombuddy. His bought a metal boob helmet probably from some kind of back alley porno convention with him. That shit can do more damage. And Goomberry flies. So you can't use ground attacks!

Goombella: Okay! Mario, I'll forget about the gore. Lets just kills these ass clowns before I kill myself!

GoomButch: Then all that would leave is your body.

GoomBalls: We like necrophilia, its quite the hobby.

GoomBuddy: We'll pound you all day till your corpse is all floppy.

Frankly: That last 1 didn't rhyme so well...

Goombuddy: Hey man, fuck you!

Goomballs: We will, we're bi too!

GoomButch: My favorite place to fuck is in the zoo!

Mario: Okay! Stop the fucking rhymes already! You're not Team Fucking Rocket, alright!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Battle Music: Oooooh Yeah by Yello

Mario: Power Level 20

Goombella: Power Level 18

**V.S.**

GoomButch: Power Level 3

GoomBuddy: Power Level 4

GoomBalls: Power Level 3

GoomButch: I'm gonna mop the floor with you using my penis!

GoomBalls: Anything sexual can easily please us!

GoomBuddy: I once masterbated to a fetus!

Mario: ...w...why...?

Goombella uses tattle on Goomballs.

Goombella: This is Goom...balls... He has a power level of OH JUST KICK HIS ASS ALREADY!

Mario uses feet power to jump on him twice thus splattering him: [2 Damage]

The goombas were way too horny to care about 1 of their best friends getting killed.

Goombutch jumps on Mario: [1 Damage]

Goombuddy jumps on Goombella: [2 Damage]

Goombutch: That should have killed you! Why are you here!?

Goombuddy: I wanna knock you out, and do you in the rear!

Goombella: Ugg. These guys are the worst.

Goombella uses tattle again.

Goombella: This is Goombuddy. Kill him next. He wants to fuck me in the ass!

Mario uses hammer of morning wood crushing him under his helmet: [2 Damage]

Goombutch: Take your last breath, cause i'm gonna kill you. Afterward, i'm gonna... stick my... dick... in you. I CAN'T RHYME ON MY OWN!

Goombutch jumps on Mario: [Mario deflects it countering with [1 Damage]

Goombella uses tattle: Hes an ordinary fuckin goomba...

Mario finishes him off with a hammer smashed face. Thats a Cannibal Corpse reference: [2 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Goombella: YAY! We killed them! And i'm not vomiting! Awesome Sauce!

Mario: Dont... Please don't ever say that again.

Goombella: Sorry.

Frankly: Hey wait a second! Aren't you that one expert of exterminating the Goomba race!

Mario: Yes sir I am.

Frankly: You sir have earned much more respect from me! Those low class degenerate Bowser Goombas make us all look like a species of dullards. All the more applause to you good sir.

Mario: Yeah. I guess thats a way of looking at it.

They then walked past the goomba corpses without any regards or remorse whatsoever

Later as they partook under many sublevels of the sewer, they crossed a grey hamster looking larva thing with bug legs and an antenna with a green ball sticking out similar to Olimar from Pikmin came out of a wall crack.

Gray Thing: cancerhalocaust cancerhalocaust cancerhalocaust

The grey thing runs back.

Mario: What the fuck was that? I have a sudden urge to kill it!

Goombella: That was weird.

Frankly: Who cares! Lets go!

Mario: Eh whatever.

Alright. Nothing compelling there, so moving on!

After a few minor obstacles, they got stuck. They then found a spooky borderline satanic looking treasure chest. Maybe its a portal to hell? Wanna find out? Well, READ THIS DAMN PARODY AND FIND OUT! Although you've probably played the game so never mind.

Black Chest Voice (age 1032): Yo sup niggas.

Mario: You... you mean us don't you...

Black Chest Voice: Ye. I can hear yo asses waddlin' all up in here. What? Wanna start some shit? Bitch!

Goombella: What? No! We're kind of just stuck on this obstacle where the door is way too high up for us to get to.

Black Chest Voice: Thats cool. Listen here. Wanna know how long my ass has been stuck in this chest? Get this, we talkin' 1000 years, nigga.

Mario: You know, you don't sound 1000 years old but you do sound like you're trying to hard to speak ghetto.

Frankly inspected the chest.

Frankly: He's not even a real black chest, he was spray painted black, I see white spots on the back.

Black Chest Voice: Bitch! Don'chu bu judgin' me up in this bitch! You wanna start some shit? 1000 years in this box can drive you all mad n' shit.

Mario: Again, we Don't want to "start shit." Alright bitch?

Goombella: Mario, just stop...

Goombella: Hey box person, if we can unlock you out of your box, do you think you can help us out and get to the next door.

Black Chest Voice: Whoa whoa whoa... No 1 said anything about openin' no boxes. But yes. That'd be pretty cool girl... Hey! You wanna start some shit!?

Goombella: Okay, now I think you're just goofing around with that whole "start some shit" gag.

Black Chest Voice: Hehe yeah bitch. Hey, while we still talkin, any chance you lookin for a good fix?

Goombella: What do mean by "fix?"

Black Chest Voice: I MEAN, DRUGS. like, crack n' shit.

Goombella got confused do to the fact that crack was not invented until the 1970s. She just assumed that being trapped in a box for so long made the voice delusional enough to start talking "black"

Goombella: Oh! Heh... No thanks. We should really find your key though.

Mario exits from a door behind them after entering it some time ago during the conversation.

Mario: You mean this key? And Yes! Don't listen to her, we would LOVE some crack!

Goombella: Where'd you find that!?

Mario: Well, you told me to "just stop," so I just ADHDed out, looked in that room behind us, and actually DID something useful!

Black Chest Voice: Ah hell ye! Now slip that thick black rod in so you can open mah box!

Mario: God damnit.. Now i'm horny.

Frankly lets out a laugh

Frankly: The fucking key is spray painted black too!

Mario inserts the key into the animus chest when suddenlyyyyyyyyyy,,,,,,

Black Spirit: Ah heel nah! All yallz is suckas!

Black Spirit comes out of the chest thus isolating Mario in a background of darkness.

Black Spirit: YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!

_Where da Hood At? by DMX starts playing._

Mario: Oh HELLLLLL NO!

Black Spirit: Bitch! You fell for mah motha fuckin' trap nigga! Ah ye! It gets wors up n' dis shit! So get this, get this. I just popped a curse on yo ass!

Mario: Are you FUCKIN' KIDDING ME!? FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!

Black Spirit: Hehehe yeee. You wanna hear 'bout mah curse I just dropped all up in yo ass!? From now on, you gon' be turnin' into a mutha fuckin' paper plane nigga! But only when you rub your ASS on a gray stoned platform with 1 of dem' shrines of a paper airplane! And when I say "rub yo ass," I ain't talkin' 'bout none of dat figurative jive, I mean you "literally" gotta "RUB YO ASS" fo it to work. Got that nigga?

Mario was confused as if he actually got cursed or if the spirit was just high.

Mario: Uhh... Oh noo... don't do that... Anything but that...

Black Spirit: Hahaha! You fucked now bitch! You FUCKED! Now if you don't mind, i'm gonna go pay Snoop Chomp a visit! That way I can possess his ass and smoke weed all day! Gotta fly!

The spirit flies away to possess Snoop Chomp apparently.

The background turns back to normal.

Goombella: Whoa! What the fuck was that! Mario! Are you alright.

Mario: Yeah im good. Apparently in that thing's words. "My ass is cursed."

Goombella: Oh shit! We'll I'll be on guard if anything happens. Like, do think that was the ghost of King Ramesses or something?

Frankly: Don't be stupid! Hes an ancient pharaoh from 1300 BC! Maybe if you payed attention in class instead of writing your absurd fan fiction, you'd learn a thing or 2!

Frankly: Speaking of nothing, what in ragnarok is this platform?

Goombella: What is it?

Frankly: Im not quite sure. It appears to contain a shrine of some sort of airplane like shape. And why is it facing the direction of that high up doorway.

Mario began to recollect his recent curse as he then got an obvious idea.

Mario: Hey let me see this.

Goombella and Frankly began to stare at Mario in confusion as to what he was planning.

Mario began to stand on the stone platform. As soon as he got on, he unbuttoned his overalls, pulled down his pants and leopard skinned thong. He began rubbing his fat greasy hairy unkempt ass like a dog with a rash on the shrine.

Frankly: Good Miyamoto, Mario! Show some dignity!

Goombella: Eww! I was hoping your ass would be hott unlike the rest of you but god, you're fucking disgusting! It looks like 2 deflated hot air balloons!

Mario began to glow as he transformed into an airplane version of himself. He began to hover in the air.

Mario: Alright you 2. Get on!

Frankly: Bon Jovi! If we get on Mario, maybe he'll be able to take us to the door.

Goombella: Are you sure?

Frankly: Yes! Lets get on already!

Mario and friends flew to the door and crashed into the wall above the doorway with no physical consequences whatsoever.

Goombella and Frankly got off of Mario's plane shaped body just fine as Mario reanimated back into his human form.

Mario then landed on Goombella comedically.

Goombella: Get your gross ass off me!

Frankly began to walk through the path.

Frankly: This way!

As last, Mario and friends finally made it to the cathedral sized room containing the ancient door facing them.

Frankly: Look you 2! There it is! The Ancient Door for legends! Its real! Haza!

Mario: Uhh... yeah. Kinda hard to miss a giant red fucking door the size of holy hell. Why is it that the door looks so fancy but the entire sewer looks like shit?

Frankly: Quit ruining the moment Mario! Come! Lets us partake in a closer look.

Mario: I'd like to partake in my foot in your ass...

Frankly: What was that? Oh nevermind.

Goombella: Hey Professor, what's with this weird pedestal?

Frankly: That must be where you place the map! Mario! Stand on that thing and raise up the map!

Mario: Am I gonna die?

Frankly: Well... Maybe. Hopefully yes!

Mario: Alright then. Anything to get me out of this shit.

Mario got on the pedestal and raised the map as Frankly ordered. The map started glowing and hovering a few feet above him. A giant shrine surrounding the platform also started to shine around him.

Mario: This feels like a satanic ritual mixed with Indiana Jones shit!

The map began to animate a drawing of a castle shaped like a dugtrio on the middle right handed corner with an indication of 1 of the 7 dedly stones marked on it. The left and right of the 3 towers were tilted at 30 degree angles slanted from being vertical. Lets hope that this is just featured in the drawing and that the castle isn't actually like that. That would be the worst architectural structure ever.

The map then stopped glowing and dismissed suspension as the ritualistic process concluded thus landing in Mario's hands.

Goombella: Whoa! That was crazy! What did the map just do there!?

Frankly gazes at the map.

Frankly: Hrmmm... How did that castle drawing get ther- Oh yeah. That ritual! Astounding! Now that we've witnessed this first hand, I can finally be famous for telling people about everything we just saw.

Mario: No... I'm pretty sure they'll just lock you up in a psych ward.

Frankly: Oh to hell with all of you. To the lab everyone!

Frankly suddenly referred to his house as "the lab" like he was some kind of pretentious asshole. (Which he is)

**Chapture 1 - 9: Tentacles are natures dildos!**

**_[Frankly's House]_**

Mario and friends returned back to Frankly's house to analyse the map.

Frankly: Good news everyone! I finally figured something out about the map!

Goombella: What is it professor?

Frankly: It turns out that months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th. In jewish mythology, Sunday refers to the day of the sun right? Well, when its sunday, how many days does it take to get to Friday? 6! Well, whats 13 minus 6? 7! 7 can also refer to 7 dedly stars. Besides the sun, you can't see stars during the day, but when can you see stars? Night time! Where you can also see the moon! Back to my point about the 13th, there are 13 full moons in a year. What else is the moon known for? Controlling the earth's tide. Well, when the 7 dedly stars were made a thousand years ago, it caused a cataclysm where the tides went rampad! Which caused people problems. And when people have troubles with water, what do you do? They call a plumber! And whos a plumber with the map guiding us to the 7 dedly stars that can solve a problem!? Mario!

Goombella: That... just sounded like a theory you just pulled out of your ass.

Mario: I'm not even a fucking plumber anymore! How the fuck does this shit even make sense!

Mario got mad as he impulsively smashed a hole in Frankly's wall with his fist.

Frankly: Don't you see! You have a majical map power!

Goombella: Uhh... Mario... I think the Professor is off his meds... Like, this is starting to freak me out.

Frankly: We must test this!

Goombella and Mario: NO!

Mario: I swear to god I am going to slit your throat and stick my dick in there and skull fuck you as I use your blood as lubricate! You hear me! So help me god!

Frankly did not know how to reply to that, yet he was impressed with Mario's ability to stand up to him as not many often do this.

Frankly: Well... speaking of maps, I have to ask, where in Odin's beard did you find it?

Mario: Some dumb high school prom queen wannabe bitch.

Goombella: Princess Peach mailed it to him!

Frankly: Princess Peach you say!? Why thats quite a celebrity! She was asking me what it was earlier. So I told her it was treasure and then to fuck off thinking she was that student that I 72ed with. Did you know that she doesn't do any of the political work in the Kingdom?

Mario: Yes. And now i'm trying to save her so I can fix her plumbing. And by "fix her plumbing," I mean stick my dick in her va-

Frankly: Astounding! It appears that the map has an identical function of that to a radar! That ritual earlier must have installed an image of the first dedly star! It seems that you will have to head to the Petal Meadows east from here.

Goombella: Petal Meadows...?

Mario: Of course. The first level is always a fucking grass level. How overwhelming...

Goombella: But wait. How do we get there exactly?

Frankly: Well simple. You walk there!

Mario: Yeah but, how do we get there and you know, not do that?

Frankly: You 2 are so lazy! *Sigh* Youth always wasted on the young. I don't know! Find another warp pipe that will take you there.

**[Ghettoport East]**

Frankly: NOW ALL OF YOU! GET OUT OR I WILL HAVE YOU 2 ASSASSINATED BY THE HAWAIIAN MAFIA FOR ROBBING MY HOUSE!

Mario and Goombella silently leave while the door slams behind them as if Frankly went senile and traced back when they first met in the beginning of part 1 - 7.

Goombella: *Sigh* That was so dumb. So if we do find this warp pipe, where do you think it' ll be?

Mario: Up my ass. I don't know. Let head this way!

Mario: Hey Goombella. Check this out. I stole his power smash badge! Now he can't add an extra 2 damage on opponents while using a hammer function! But I can!

Goombella: I wanna call you an asshole, but that may have just been the smartest thing I've seen you do so far.

Their path was being blocked by a dirty gross brown beaked retarded bird looking thug with a spear named Gus (Age 32).

Gus: What do you think you 2 are doing? You both have to pay a toll first if you wanna pass through here.

Goombella: What!? A toll!?

Mario: Shit... Yeah... were broke. You think you're dumb ass can let us through just this once and I'll get you back later?

Gus: Oh well in that case, no. I think you 2 best be scramming before I bust my spear up your ass!

Mario: Why? Cause your a spear chucker!?

Mario begins to chuckle

Goombella: MARIO!

Gus: What did you say bitch!?

Mario: You heard me.

Gus: You wanna come closer where I can stab you in the face with this spear?

Mario: You look like a-

Goombella: Oh don't start with this again.

Mario: You look like the result of Oprah's unknown abortion after she got fucked by Big Bird from Sesame Street!

Gus: Oh thats it, im gonna kill you right here bitch!

Goombella got in front of Mario and broke up the fight by pushing Mario away from him.

Goombella: I'm sorry sir. My friend Mario here is just drunk. He means well, he's just very passionate!

Gus: Well you better put a leash on that honky fatass before he gets himself killed you hear?

Mario: Hey! How about I put a leash on you as I drag you down a flight of stairs you fucking brown fetis!

Goombella: Mario! Shut up! You're gonna get us killed!

Gus: JUST GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

Soon after that pointless drama, they realized it would have just been smarter to go back through the same warp pipe from earlier and find some more results that way. Hopefully, we don't run into anymore rapey rhyming goombas like last time.

_**[Ghettoport Sewers]**_

Goombella: Hey. Mario?

Mario: Yeah?

Goombella: Whats with alot of your racist remarks anyway? You don't actually mean any of that do you?

Mario: What? No! I just say that shit when the timing is right.

Goombella: I don't know, alot of that stuff just feels a little bit touchy to me...

Mario: I just see them as words. They don't always have to mean anything literal you know. Like, I'm don't exclusively hate black people. I'm just a loud Italian who hates almost everybody.

Goombella: Okay. Hehe. So you're not racist?

Mario: No... But Peach is.

Goombella: Oh wow.

Mario: Hey! What the fuck is that!?

Mario noticed a strange lime green spinny thing with 2 square teeth for fangs. I dont know! this thing is hard to describe! just go on the Mario wiki and look up "Spinia." You'll get the idea!

Mario: Imma smash that shit!

Goombella: You really do hate everyone don't you?

Mario smashed it with his hammer starting yet another battle scene.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

_Battle Music: You Spin Me Round by Dead or Alive_

Mario: Power Level 18/20

Goombella: Power Level 14/18

v.s.

Spinia: Power Level 2/5

Spinia: Power Level 5

Spania: Power Level 5 (this name is an obvious pun off the past tense for "span." Its like Spinia but orange with 2 spikes on it's head.)

Mario uses jump on the 2nd Spinia: [2 Damage]

Goombella uses tattle: This is a Spinia. He has a power level of 5. Like many creatures in this region, their anatomy sucks! so kill it for experience I guess.

Spinia uses spin attack: [1 Damage on All]

Goombella: Wow! That thing hit both of us! Be careful!

Mario: Yeah go figure. That shit was fast!

Other Spinia uses spin attack: Mario counters making it spin to deth.

Spania uses span attack: [Mario counters and weakened it with 1 Damage]

Mario uses jump on Spinia: It died.

Goombella uses tattle: Same shit but spikes on its head.

Spania uses span attack: Spoiler! Mario counters it doing [1 Damage]

Mario hammers that shit flat!... flatter!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario: Those things were fucking retards!

Goombella: Hey, Mario! What's your deal? Why are you wearing that badge you took from the Professor?

Mario: Oh right. I forgot thats how they work.

Goombella: Im just saying, you really need to equip that before you forget!

Mario: Yeah yeah... You say it like its a fucking condom or something.

Mario and Goombella later found a room with a brown warp pipe. The only problem with entering the warp pipe is the huge body of dirty ass fucking water blocking the way.

Mario: Shit... I guess were gonna have to swim through this.

Goombella: Wait! Mario! The water in this region is overpopulated with-

Like Luigi, Mario got bit by a fucking nibbles causing him to fly, crash on the ceiling, and land flat on the ground. causing 1 damage

Goombella: Like I was saying, the water in this region is overpopulated with these Chain Chomp looking fish things called "nibbles'."

Mario: ... God damnit! What is with these obstacles!?

Goombella: Don't worry Mario! I'm sure we can-

Mario: No! How the fuck are we gonna get through here!

Mario randomly found/ hammer smashed a random long white tentacle sticking out of the water just dangling there like some deformed cock or something.

The tentacle happened to be attached to this disturbing looking squid thing that appears in alot of Mario Hentai known as a "blooper." His name is Big Blubbah (age 27)

Big Blubbah (Age 28): ARUUUGHEGPBJFFSDAUGFUCKHERRIGHTINTHEPUSSYFEIUBENUGFBEUFBERRRRR! (Hey! What kind of person just bashes someone's limbs like that! What's wrong with you)

Mario: Hey look! Its 1 of those endangered retards that I've endangered that live in the sea! Hows it going!?

Goombella: Wait, I took a language class on other species! Although I got a C- in that class...

Big Blubbah: GRIGODHFNDOJCDDOUBLEPENETRATIONCODJFFEOFHEF (I don't want to start any conflict. I'll help you both get across to that warp pipe over there if thats what you're looking for.)

Goombella: OH HELL! That thing just said that he wants to double penetrate us with his tentacles!

Mario: You mean that thing wants to rape us!? Oh you are so ded you glow in the dark dildo!

Big Blubbah: FEIOFHEFIENFOEFBEFUBEUOEBUIWILLPUNISHYOURASSHOLESANDURETHRAS (What! No! I'm not like thos other bloopers! I hate sex! It scares me! You never know if you get someone pregnant or get an STD! Its scary! Plus condoms don't fit on me cause in a squid!)

Goombella: NOW THAT THING IS SAYING THAT IT WANTS TO FUCK US INSIDE OUT AND THROUGH THE MOUTH! Mario! We are so killing this thing!

Mario: Sweet! I love killing things!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

_Battle Music: 99 Ways To die by Megadeth_

Mario: Power Level 14/20

Goombella: Power Level 13/18

v.s.

Big Blubbah: Power Level 18

Big Blubbah's tentacle: Power Level 5

Big Blubbah's tentacle: Power Level 5

(lets just say it's power level is 28)

The blooper suddenly began hanging from the ceiling during the fight

Mario: You look like a moldy dilator used for giving cheerleader's blue waffles! You also smell like shit!

Big Blubbah: ODFHDVOJNDSGOJSDGNRAPEFOEFHEFOSEJFB (IM GETTING REALLY SICK OF YOU!)

Goombella: That thing wants to make us our... waifu...

Goombella uses tattle: Thats a blooper. It has a power level of 18. Bloopers are very horny creatures that are psychologically blinded by their own sex drives. They live for 1 purpose and 1 purpose only; penetration.

Mario: Yeah... I kind of know what bloopers do. I'm even why they're endangered.

Mario uses jump on 1 of the tentacles: [2 Damage]

Big Blubbah uses tentacle smack on Goombella: [1 Damage]

Big Blubbah uses tentacle smack on Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario: That thing almost fucked us!

Goombella: Yeah! We gotta be careful or next time, he'll put those things inside us!

Big Blubbah: EEFOHEFIBFDIBCHEWMEOUTDSIBI (If you both wanna stop fighting, that would be nice. I would love to make some new friends.)

Goombella: Now he wants us to tastes his tentacles!

Mario: Fuck that shit!

Goombella uses jump on the stronger tentacle: [2 Damage]

Mario: Whoa! When did you learn how to fight!?

Goombella: Yeah, I took a women's self defense class back in college.

Mario: Wait, so that means you could have fought that Robotnik guy on your own!? What the fuck! Ah whatever.

Mario and Goombella continued the fight with the blooper as Mario thought of a brilliant idea!

Mario: I got an idea!

Mario began as he rolled up a joint with a bag of the fire weed he purchased earlier.

Goombella: What! You're ACTUALLY gonna get high NOW!?

Mario: Well... yeah, but i'm also gonna smoke his ass down!

Mario pulled out a lighter and took a big ass hit of fireweed. Instead of smoke, he blew fire all over the blooper destroying all of his tentacles resulting in paralyzing him. [3 Damage All]

Goombella uses jump: [2 Damage]

Mario uses hammer: [2 Damage]

The blooper remained paralyzed

Goombella uses jump: [2 Damage]

Mario uses the power smash badge to bash it's brains open: [4 Damage]

At that point, Mario kept "beating a dead horse" by smashing it with a hammer repetitively trenching both Mario and Goombella in the blooper's blood.

Goombella: Alright Mario! Thats enough! Hes dead!

Mario: Sorry. I'm just really stoned right now.

Mario levels up raising his power level to 30

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario and Goombella whipped off all of the blood from that battle as 2 moving platforms rose from the water creating a path to the warp pipe.

They began to hop over to the warp pipe.

Mario: So Goombella, what's up with that power level stuff? Like, what is that?

Goombella: I thought you'd never ask. I took a math class on measuring power levels. Basically, you take the attack and the defense and multiply it with the HP. You take the attack power and defense separately, and lets say its 0 as far as stats go? That would quality as 1. If the attack and defense is 1, then it counts as 1.5. 2 is 2, 3 is 2.5, 4 is 3, and so on like that. In a formula perspective, its "HP(A)(D) = PL (Power Level). Okay. Take yourself for example, your power level is 30 because your stats are HP:15, A:2, and D:0, since your attack is 2, and your defense is 0, you would multiply your 10HP with 2A being 2, or 0D being 1. So 1 = 30. When attacks like mine are divided by 2 while being 2 hits (1 + 1), it would qualify as 1.75 in power level settings. That's why mine is 18. What's impressive is that I don't even use a scouter for this either. I have an encyclopedia of various stats and I put it all together.

Mario: ... Just so you know, I don't get any of this. It just sounds like a load of bullshit.

Goombella: Well there's a whole class about it. It sounds pretty accurate.

Mario: Whatever. I'm way too high to give a shit right now. Lets just get inside this gross warp pipe already.

And so, new fucked up adventures await Mario and his newly acquainted friend; Goombella! Who knows what adventures they will face beyond their warp pipe journey! What kind of characters will they face? And what more will we learn about the 7 dedly stars? Many questions will be read once we break on through to the other side next chapture on SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!

\- To be continued

_Credits Music: I'm Against it by the Ramones_

Credits:

Creator: IAMMASTER

Co Editor: Nipplord

After Credits:

Meanwhile as they were riding the brown stank warp pipe,

Mario: Hey Goombella?

Goombella: Yeah?

Mario: How long till we get through this bitch?

Goombella: Uhh... Uhh.. About 15 Hours...

Mario: ... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!


	2. Chapture 2: The Archaic Adventure!

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated N, for, "Nigga, getcho ass outta here if you a little, punk-ass kid or a butthurt, easily offended muthafucka, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit."

"Getting offended by a joke makes you part of it."

~ George Washington

"If a joke makes you choke then with good timing it was spoke!"

~ Abraham Lincoln

"If nigger is your trigger, try not to be so bitter. If kike is your hype, go back to the trike. If chink makes you sink, you need a drink. If faggot makes you nag it, then this room you shouldn't inhabit."

~ Some homeless guy who I'm pretty sure was high as fuck when saying this

Enjoy.

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Uncut Version)**

**Chapture 2: The Archaic Adventure! Without a Sword?**

Last time! On Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! Mario was given a rude awakening by his brother. He soon gave Mario a letter from the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom telling him to meet her at an unfamiliar town known as Ghettoport on a search for treasure. Then, Mario encountered an archeology student goomba girl who he wound up saving from the deranged man child; Robotnik. After getting to know 1 another and learning more about the treasure, they tracked down her professor who uncovered ever more knowledge about it. They later traveled with them to the sewers to find the ancient door associated with the treasure. 1ce they entered the room of the door, they harnessed a ritual of the map animating a location of 1 the 7 objects made to open the door. We now see them embarking on their first of many adventures to come to opening this door. Find out what event take form this issue of Super Mario! and the a Thousand! Year! Drama! Assuming you never played the original game..

Mario (Age 43) : A former plumber who is sex, drugs, violence, and all of that R rated shit molded into 1 asshole. If this adventure did not some how involve the vadgelly of that of Princess Peach's he would probably be paying prostitutes for a good time. No seriously. He actually doesn't care if he gets executed for not finding her. To put it bluntly, he's a dick!

Goombella (Age 21): An over achieving junior in college who may seem a bit pretentious at times. She tends to get very defensive when she feels insulted and she goes on tangents. She is the brains of the duo along with having a not so secret crush on Mario.

**Chapture 2 - 1: Road to Petalburg! Not to be confused with Pokemon Ruby/ Sapphire.**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 17th, 2004. It is 11:11 AM, and sunny with 64 degrees fahrenheit.]_

_**[Petal Meadows]**_

At long last, their 15 abysmal hour ride through the vile brown warp pipe finally came to a conclusion. Mario and his recent partner Goombella entered the fresh green plains of the Petal Meadows. The sky is clear and for the first time in this region, they finally made to an area that doesn't make them want to fucking kill themselves. This place has good sunlights, endorphin boosting vitamins, and it doesn't smell like rotting shit trash.

Goombella: Finally! We made it out of that disgusting warp pipe! And here we are! We finally made it! The Petal Meadows! Where the grass is green and this world is pretty! I'm excited for our first adventure Mario!

Goombella: Wait... Mario?

Goombella saw Mario sat down on the warp pipe with his overalls down as he began defecating inside of it like the slimy fuckstain he is.

Mario: Are you really butchering Guns and Roses lyrics Goombella?

Goombella: Mario! What the hell are you doing!?

Mario: I'm shitting.

Goombella: No duh! But do you have to do it in the warp pipe? It smells! What if someone else is going through the warp pipe and gets hit by your shit!?

Mario: Hey! I was holding it in all day! And do you know how hard it is to shit while you're traveling through a warp pipe! I've tried! I have to get in a squatting position for it to work!

Goombella: That still means you would shit on someone's-

They then got distracted with a loud obnoxious roar of a foul beast.

Hooktail (1250): RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRR! IIIIMM AAAA FUUUUUUCCCKIINNGGG DRRRAAAAAGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Goombella: Whoa! What was that!?

Mario: Apparently a dragon…

The loud big red dragon with the curly tails started roaring while having an endangered koopa in the corner of it's mouth like a piece of popcorn stuck in it's teeth as it was about to devour that shit. It was seen flying towards the far away castle after a vicious slaughterings of a few villagers just for the sake of being a dragon. Apparently this dragon takes the "being a dragon" role very seriously. Its to the point where it becomes a cliche fucking sterio-type of all dragons. Move over Beowulf! Move over Lord of the Rings! We got a real badass over here!

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention. The map was right from earlier. The castle's architecture is as fucked up as it was on the map. Did the creators think it was cute to make the towers face diagonally tilted!? It looks like it's gonna collapse any minute! When was this castle made anyway!?

Goombella: Whoa! That thing is huge! I never thought I would see a dragon in my life! What about you Mario?

Mario: Well of course I have. Who the hell do you think I am?

Goombella: Right. Hehe. But still! This is some classic fiction novel shit turned into film shit right there! But wait! This place looks so peaceful! Why would their be a dragon here of all places?

Mario: I don't know. I guess a dragon's gotta terrorize people.

Goombella: Yeah. Perhaps. Hey! That castle the dragon entered some how, do you think that's where the star is located?

Mario: Well no shit it is. You looked at that map right? The star was indicating that it was in that castle.

Goombella: So does that mean-

Mario: Yes. We are going to murder, or possibly even murder-fuck that dragon... for the star.

Goombella: Ah geez Mario.

Mario: Yep! Welp, in order to get there, we gotta head right to find people to talk to before we go there.

Goombella: Well can't we just walk directly to the castle from here? I mean, It doesn't look too far.

Goombella noticed as the castle may have been about a mile or 2 away.

Mario: Trust me. If you've played any RPG, you'd know these adventures only work when you start out going an entirely different direction.

Goombella: Welp, whatever you say. You're the expert of adventuring apparently...

Goombella began to notice 2 large stones with 1 containing a hole resembling the shape of the sun, and the other the moon.

Goombella: Say!? I wonder, what are these 2 runic stones for? They seem to have craters matching a sun on 1, and the moon on the other inside of them. I wonder what it means. When was it made too. What do they do? And why!?

Mario: Goombella! Cut the archeology crap! We gotta go before you explore another rock that I end up throwing at you!

Goombella: You're an asshole!

In the middle of their walk to Petalburg, they ran into a 1950's greaser themed gang of 1 Koopa, 1 Paratroopa, and 1 Goomba. The fact that you need a fucking description of what a Goomba and or Koopa looks like baffles me. Like, How did you find this Mario fan parody in the darkest depths of the internet and still not know what the fuck these 2 characters look like? Do you need a description on what Mario looks like too!? Jesus fuck! Well, the only difference with the Koopas unlike from the 3D games is that these 1s have sunglasses that look similar to the kind from 1 of the greatest animes ever; Gurren Lagann. Still don't know what that is? Look it up! You'll be pleased Wow! That was ironically my longest description yet. ANYWAY, the gang is just randomly awaiting to pick a beef with anyone. Those 2 just happened to be our heroes we see before us.

Mario and Goombella headed their way around the inner species gang hoping to avoid the gang's bullshit. But unfortunately... for the gang.

Koopa: Ay YO! I see you folk's be walkin down these streets without no hall pass!

Paragoomba: Yeah! There's a toll in this hallway you nits!

Mario: Do I look like I care? We don't need anymore of this tollway garbage.

Paratroopa: Jimminy Crickets! A "toll" is a figure of speech. A metaphor if you will. No. We're actually gonna kick your keisters up and down town yuh chumps.

The 2 Koopas began to punch their own grips as they were implying violence in the most cliche manner thinkable.

Mario: Do you hear the way you guys are talking? Goombella. Can you please tell them what year this is!

Goombella: Its 2004.

Mario: Yeah! Hear that! 2000 and fucking 4 bitches!

Mario followed that snappy comeback with flipping the gang off with his crappy Italian middle finger.

Paragoomba: Aiy! We don't tolerate that kind of language! Especially not in front of that lovely broad next to you!

Goombella: God. You know, I was hoping that I would never be called that in my life. And you single handedly ruined that opportunity.

Mario: Look, now normally i'm the 1 who starts the fights, but since you guys are eagerly going at me, I'm just gonna have to whoop your asses even harder just because!

Koopa: Oh you 2 are gonna regret gettin' in such a doozy you hear!?

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 30

Goombella: Power Level 18

FP: 5/5

V.S.

Koopa: Power Level 12

Paratroopa: Power Level 12

Paragoomba: Power Level 3

Mario uses Jump on Koopa: [1 Damage]

Koopa is paralyzed on his turtle back. The folly of Koopa Kind if you will.

Goombella uses tattle on the Koopa: Do you really want me to explain what a Koopa does? Hes got a power level of 12. You can take him out in about 2 or 3 moves.

Koopa is too paralyzed on his back to move his ass. And that is why we skipped his turn.

Paratroopa: Imma gonna put the screws on these punks!

Paratroopa air tackles Mario which got Paratroopa counter fist punched: [-1 Damage]

Paratroopa: You're gonna pay for that!

Mario: Bravo! Quote of the year everyone!

Paratroopa: Aaaaahhh SHUT UP!

Paragoomba uses air attack on Goombella: [1 Damage]

Mario uses Jump. Only on Paragoomba so it would kill him by smashing his brains with his foot. [2 damage]

Mario: Check it out! Im gonna say a quote that 1 of you would probably say. Get ready for this! "1 down, 2 to go!"

Goombella uses tattle on Paratroopa: Same power level Koopa. And same stats. But with wings! Is that informal enough?

Mario: Yes.

Koopa gets back up.

Parakoopa uses another air strike. But on Mario!: [1 Damage]

Mario uses his Power Smash badge to brutally murder Koopa! FUN!: [3 Damage]

Goombella uses double jump attack on Paratroopa: [0 Damage] Sucks when that happens doesn't it.

Goombella: Oh right. it takes 1 jump to knock off its wings, and 1 to knock it on its back. Well thats annoying!

Paratroopa is paralyzed

Mario uses another power smash badge attack thus murdering it similar to the Koopa. He's using a heavy metal spiked hammer for fuck sakes. Yeah thats gonna hurt a fuck ton!: [4 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario gained 1 Pow Block from their demise

Mario: Well that was embarrassing...

Goombella: Yeah! They died like, way quicker than I anticipated.

Mario: No. I mean the fact that they got a few hits on us. I mean. What the fuck!? They sucked dick at fighting like they probably do at everything else. I didn't even feel the need to tell them what they look like they sucked so hard!

Goombella: I'd say it was still a fun fight. At least I got to update my tattle log!

Mario: Good for you... Lets just keep going this direction and hope something good happens.

**Chapture 2 - 2: Turtles are Socially Awkward**

_**[Petalburg]**_

After a couple hours of blindly walking east through the petal meadows, they finally made it to a village. Given to 2 - 1's title, the town is known as Petalburg. A small peaceful green village isolated from most of society mostly inhabited by jewish koopas/ turtles. They accept a variety of different villagers such as toads, and shit that I can't remember the name of. Oh! And shit I don't think even has a confirmed name!

As Mario and Goombella entered the village, the regular looking Koopa named Koopari (Age 31) greeted them into the village with a seemingly warm welcome.

Koopari: Shalom! Hehe. What can I do for you 2 for you fine travelers?

Mario: Shalom? The hell does that mean...?

Goombella: Its hebrew for hello, peace, and goodbye.

Mario: Hebrew? Alright... what ever. What is this place exactly?

Koopari: Hmm? Where are you, you say?

Mario: Yes... I just asked that. Don't be a retard.

Goombella: Mario. Cut the crap. These guys actually seem nice this time.

Koopari: Oh... Well this is Petalburg sir! Sorry about that, We don't often find ourselves acquainted with many travelers. Alot of people try to avoid this area on account that we have a terrifying red dragon named Hooktail living near by. Sometimes that darn ol' dragon comes here for food, or just to reek havok for fun.

Goombella: Wait... a red dragon? Mario! We saw 1 just like that when we got here! Wait... so its name is "Hooktail?" Haha! Ooooooo. Sounds really terrifying to me!

Mario: Ha! Yeah. Hooktail? Sounds more like "Hookertail" if you ask me!

Goombella: Yeah! I bet that thing whores itself out for 2 coins when it comes to their village!

Mario: Yeah! I'd sure pay those 2 coins for a dragon blowjob! That would be something to brag about alright!

Koopari: Guys guys! Come on! Thats pretty offensive! You know that thing is the single biggest tragedy to happen to our town right? It murdered like, 2/3rds of our village! Come on!

Goombella began to feel like shit for making a possible holocaust joke about them.

Goombella: Oh shit! Im so sorry about that…

Mario: Heh I'm not. That things a fucking hookertail.

Goombella: Ehhh... So anyway, out of curiousity, are yoou familiar with these things known as the 7 dedly stars? They're the whole reason why we're on this adventure in the first place.

Koopari: Hmmm... the 7 dedly stars? Well golly! That sounds kind of spooky if you ask me. You might want to go speak to our mayor! Why he knows all kind of stuff! He's old as shit! He's lived to see all kinds of crazy hootenanny! He lives in a pink house. If you keep heading along the path, you'll find it. By the way, don't judge him for living in a pink house. He only had it painted to keep everyone aware of breast cancer and just don't bring it up cause its a royally touchy subject to him that he won't stop talking about.

Goombella: Huh. I thought villages don't have mayors.

Mario: Dont over think this story.

Koopari: Welp, is there anything else you folks need?

Goombella: No. We're good. Thank you!

Koopari: Alright then. Welcome to Petalburg!

Mario and Goombella headed off to look for the pink house. Wait a minute, Goombella walked back to Koopari about 1 more thing.

Goombella: Oh hey! Again, sorry about offending you earlier sir. You see, I come from a liberal arts college, and usually we're very sensitive about those kinds of things. So again, please don't hate us or anythin-

Mario: Goombella!

Goombella: Yes. Sorry. COMING!

While looking for the pink house, Mario suddenly got the bright idea to check other houses that weren't even pink.

Mario opened the door to 1 of the houses thinking the mayor might be in it. It turned out to be a naked toadette changing clothes.

Mario began observing her body as she was fully naked.

Mario: Oooooo... Heeeellllooo momma!

The toadette began to notice Mario and became startled in fright.

Toadette (Age 26): Hey! What are you doing!? GET OUT OF HERE PERVERT!

The toadette threw a glass vase at Mario's face: [1 damage]

Mario: Ow! You bitch!

Goombella: Mario! What are you doing!?

Goombella pulled Mario out of the toadette's house.

Mario: Yeah. That wasn't the house was it...

Goombella: Are you colorblind!? He said it was "Pink!" "PINK!" Not "Yellow!" "PINK!"

Mario: You know, in a way, I kind of knew that... I was just kind of hoping there would be a girl changing..

Goombella: Well thats just- ... Whatever, lets keep looking.

Goombella and Mario continued to look for the house when they suddenly stumbled upon a blue dog like character with a purple disco styled jewfro along with more disco styled attire along with sunglasses, and an Elvis Presley jump suit.

The retarded disco dog thing began to interrupt Mario and Goombella's adventure briefly to harass Goombella while speaking in poor google translated French.

This is the part where pull up a tab on Google Translate.

Dupree (Age 44): Ah, bonjour, mademoiselle. Edt est une belle journée, pas?

Goombella: Wait. Are you talking to me?

Mario: You know French too!?

Goombella: Yeah! I Actually learned some in high school as a college requirement.

Mario: *sigh* Again with the college shit huh?

Dupree: Non, non, non, non, non. Pas vous, Monsieur Moustache. Je me adresse à zee charmant petit chou derrière vous.

Goombella: Im... sorry. Did you just call me a "lovely little cabbage?" Eww... Thats a new 1.

Dupree: Que Dites-vous, ma jolie? Abandonner ce lourdaud et repartir avec moi! Je vous ai promis beaucoup de sexe que je voudrais à ta chatte Tour Eiffel.

Goombella: Did you just say you were going to "Eiffel Tower" me!? What the hell does that even mean anyway!?

Mario began to chuckle due to her not knowing what it means.

Goombella: Whatever it is, it sound sick! Get away from me you disgusting... French pervert! Now I hate using derogatory language but you really do ask for it!

Mario: Hey! Now you're getting it!

Dupree: Oh! Oh! Oh! Sacre bleu! Cette honnêteté brutale! Une telle langue acérée!

Goombella: ... Okay. Fuck this guy! Lets keep moving already!

Goombella and Mario walked away ignoring the french speaking retard and his demands.

Dupree: Si vous changez d'avis, cheri, venez me trouver!

Despite them being off screen, Mario impulsively threw a rock at his eye knocking him out for the remainder of the chapture.

As they were continuing to search for the pink house (that they already passed cause they're morons), a young female Koopa wearing pink with a strawberry blonde ponytail identical to Goombella's hair saw them. This might create some conflict. She took off her headset after a passionate 3 hour Taylor Swift session.

Koopie Koo (Age 19): Oh hi there! You 2 must be the new tourists I've been hearing about! My name is Koopie Koo! The prettiest girl in this village.

Mario: Uhh... Hey.

Koopie Koo began to direct her attention towards Goombella.

Koopie Koo: And look at you over there! I see you like my style cause, you know, you have my make up and hair style!

Goombella: Well aren't you concieded! Come on Mario! The bitch obviously can't seem to find an original style of her own!

Koopie Koo: Hey wait a second, I recognize that hat and overall get up anywhere! And that mustache! O.M.G.! YOUR FREKIN' MARIO! LIEK! I LOVED PLAYING YOUR GAMES! THOSE GAMES WERE MAH SHIT GROWING UP!

Mario: Hey Goombella. I feel like this girl is looking for a good ol' fashion dickin' from me. Should I... you know... tap that?

Goombella rolls her eyes out of passive aggressive jealousy. This is then succeeded by her speaking in sarcasm.

Goombella: Gee. I dont know. This style stealing skank is trying to copy me any way she can.

Mario: Does that mean you're a skank too?

Goombella: NO!

Koopie Koo: LOL! I have a boyfriend. But thanks for the compliments. Especially from a real man like you. So wait... if you're here, does that mean you're going to get rid of the dragon!? Thats AWESOME! Cause I've been really scared that 1 of these days, that it's gonna go after ME next!

Goombella: Well we can sure hope so!

I don't think Goombella likes girls that remind her too much of herself. She can be a little complicated.

Mario: Yeah. We're gonna murder-fuck the shit out that dragon!

Koopie Koo: Well thats amazing! WOW! you're so brave! It's kinda sexy... I wish my boyfriend Koops were half as brave as you. He is the biggest fucking bitch in the village. I'm only with him cause I feel sorry for him. You know, when we have sex, he can only last for 30 seconds on average. Then afterwards he hides in his shell and starts weeping and crying for 40 minutes. He keeps saying, "Oh thank you thank you! You're the best gf in the world!" Its such a turn off. I can't even use a viberator im so turned off. So usually I just tell him that i'm having vaginal pains when I'm actually not. Oh shit! Was that liek, T.M.I?

Goombella: Yes. You are a terrible person and I hope you get rabies and someone has to beat you to deth with a blunt object.

Koopie Koo: Woooooow! Really? Fuck you too girlfriend!

Mario: Damn! This cat fight is getting fierce. Welp. We should go look for the Mayor. We keep getting side tracked apparently.

Goombella: Yeah. Lets go before I kill a bitch.

Koopie Koo: Bye Mario!

Goombella: Yeah, shut up whore!

Mario yet again found the wrong house as he is now about to enter Koops' house knowing that it's the color orange.

Goombella: Wait Mario! That's the wrong house again!

Mario: I know! I just like breaking into people's houses here!

Goombella: But you just complained about getting side tracked... ah forget it.

Mario and Goombella entered Koops' house still knowing it was the wrong house.

Goombella: God! What a bitch! I hate her!

Mario: Ehh... Don't you think you're over reacting a little?

They began walking upstairs.

Goombella: Mario! I'm not! You don't get it when someone steals your style.

Mario: Trust me. People do it all the time. I'm fucking Mario! Besides, who gives a shit is what I say.

They then walked down the hallway about to open the door to Koops' room.

Goombella: I don't know. I guess you're just more used to it I guess…

Mario opened the door rudely without any means of knocking. And get this. Guess who they walked in on? A koopa wearing a crusty light blue hoodie with a lazy eye and bandage on his nose named Koops (Age 18). Guess what he was doing? No! Not masterbating. He was trying to suck his own dick! He was laying on his shell struggling to get his dick in his mouth. His plan failed as he immediately got startled and turned of by Mario's sudden presence.

Mario and Goombella: AAAHH!

Koops: AHH! HOLY SHIT!

Mario and Goombella on impulse slammed the door shut.

Mario: **That is 1 out of 6 things I wish I could unsee.**

Goombella: Oh my God! Was he just?

Mario: Yeah... He was trying to suck his own cock.

Goombella: I'm gonna be sick. We should go...

Koops opened the door reeking of sweat and generic teen oder and apologized to them for what they just saw..

Koops: Hey! Hehe. I'm so sorry you guys had to see that. I hope none of you think anything of it. Uhh... Are you the new villagers I've been hearing about?

Mario: Yes. And how come these words about new villagers keep getting to everyone so quickly?

Goombella: Were here to fight that dragon that you all keep raving about!

Koops: Uhh... Seriously? That thing is a freakin' behemoth! How are you gonna do that?

Mario: Well you see, i'm gonna wield my mighty foot of steel! And shove it up it's ass and rename it "Bitchtail!"

Koops: Oh... well good luck then. I don't know if you 2 can beat it, but best of luck I guess...

Mario: Well I wasn't really asking for your thoughts so screw you.

Koops began to face down due to his social awkwardness.

Goombella: We should get going.

Mario: Yes. Let's actually find the Mayor this time!

Mario and Goombella headed out leaving Koops in his room. Little did they know, he continued to attempt to suck his own dick in his room. Eventually like always, HE FAILED!

At what felt like long last, they finally reached a level of competence to find the Mayor's house. He is an old green skinned Koopa with a cain. Despite Koopa's being based off of turtles which are part of the reptile family, this 1 has grown a beard and bushy eyebrows big enough to block the hell out of his eyes possibly altering his vision.

As usual, Mario rudely opens the door without any regards for knocking or finding a doorbell to ring.

Mayor Kroop (Age 341): Oy! robbers! ROBBERS! Welp murder me if you'd like. I'm well past my prime anyway. Take what you will. I don't even care anymore. Heck, you can take the whole jibblin' town for all I care! Everyone here is going to be eaten by the dragon anyway. Who are you again?

Mario: You're the mayor right? How are you the 1 person who doesn't know who we are in the village?

Mayor Kroop: So wait. You 2 aren't thieves you say? Oh. Well why didn't you knick knacks just knock on the door?

Mario: Yeah... Thats not really our style.

Mayor Kroop: Well in that case, then what is your story young travelers?

Goombella: Hello. We are here in search for the 7 dedly stars. Do you happen to know of such things sir?

Mayor Kroop: Well, why didn't you say so before, you both almost gave me a heart attack you ijits! So you 2 are hunting for the 7 dedly stars you say? Ermmmmm...Wait... I think know what you whipper-snappers are talking about!

Later after it took 13 minutes for the almost ancient Koopa to figure out what the hell he was thinking about.

Mayor Kroop: Aha! I Remember now! That dang ol' Hooktail! That dragons got exactly what you're looking for! It is an enormous, dragon that has been terrorizing our village for many many centuries. Our village used to be a lot bigger! In fact, there were many villages surrounding us in the petal meadows. Yep. That thing has really been the damnation of our race in this region. So you know Hooktail?

Goombella: Of course we do! We saw it flying towards its castle when we came here!

Mario: Yeah! And now that we know for sure it has the star, we're gonna go there and murder-fuck it!

Goombella: Mario, can you stop saying "murder-fuck?" Its getting old. Uhh... No offense mayor by using the word "old". Cause, I understand you situation... with being old... and stuff.

Mario began to facepalm himself.

Mario: Goombella... shut the hell up.

Mayor Kroop: Taking on Hooktail you say? Why you both must be absolutely koo koo! ... Or a couple of genius heroes!

Mayor Kroop: Well I suppose you 2 can attempt to give the dragon a good ol' wacken! If you think the 2 of you can beat that fiend, both of you will go down in our history as the dragon slayers! You will be showered with gratitude, rewards, and our finest hebrew female Koopas to your hearts content…..

Mayor Kroop randomly fell asleep standing up in mid dialog.

Mario: HEY! WAKE YOUR OLD ASS UP!

Mario took his hammer and smashed a random frame of the Mayor with his ded grandson before he got eaten by Hooktail.

Mayor Kroop: Whoa! What? Where am I!? Am I ded?

Goombella: Uhh. Well we're glad to have your support! We'll do it regardless of a reward or not!

Mayor Kroop: Huh? So, does that mean that you 2 wish for no reward?

Mario: Well we didn't say that! hehe. How much "reward" are we talkin here?

Mayor Kroop: Well sounds to me like we have a couple of noble warriors, indeed... You folk are good eggs not wanting any reward in return!

Mario: Oh God damnit Goombella!

Mayor Kroop: Now... What did you say your name was, again?

Mario: Uhh... The names Mario.

Goombella: And I'm Goombella.

Mayor Kroop: Oh! So you 2 are those young teen idols those damn kids skating on the sidewalks talk about huh... So you sir are uhhh... ah yes! Mario Lopez! And you miss... your... Oh! Of course! You must be Bella from that darn ol' movie Twilight! *Sigh* if only we can get some real heroes...

Goombella: Hey Mario? Should we correct him?

Mario: Nah. Its funnier this way.

Mayor Kroop: Alright, so listen up. Since you both seem to be heading towards Hooktail's castle? There's a shortcut to get there!

Mario: There always is.

Mayor Kroop: Hey! Don't interrupt me! Do I interrupt you!? No? Now again, listen up! There is a secret warp pipe near this village. I forget where it is located, but I know you 2 need to find some doohickeys in order to finds that sneaky pipe there! There are 2 stone keys that are used to activate that very pipe. Just keep heading east, and eventually, you both will find them both somewhere in Shhwonk Fortress.

Goombella: Hmm... Shhwonk Fortress huh? That name sounds like something from your Super Mario 64 game Mario!

Mario: I think.. the name is just a spin off of what you're thinking of.

Goombella: I guess.

Mayor Kroop: Well then, Mr. Lopez... You must get going now and do away with that darn ol' Hooktail beast! I'll go have the gatekeeper open the east gate for you.

Mario: Why the hell do you 2 need a gatekeeper in the first place? You people have a giant dragon to worry about.

Goombella: Excellent! Well thank you for your information! It's been oh so helpful!

Mayor Kroop: Yes. Hey are any of you interested in donating a few coins to Petalburg's breast cancer fund?

Mario: Uhh... gee... No thanks. We gotta go.

Mayor Kroop: Oh. Well you see, breast cancer is 1 of the leading causes of...

Mario and Goombella left and slammed the door of Kroop's house as he continued to mindlessly speak of breast cancer awareness. Despite the fact that they have already left, he continuously bantered from there on out. Blame the eye brows.

Mario: That was close.

Goombella: Yeah... I kind of feel bad for leaving like that, but getting into breast cancer seems a little depressing for this adventure.

Mario: Yeah. It might kill the flow of this parody...

Goombella: Yeah. Besides, I guess we can research it whenever really.

Mario: Yeah pretty much. Shit! Now I gotta distract myself from that shit! Lets go to the item shop every town level seems to have before we get out of here.

Mario and Goombella went to the Niff T.'s Narcotics for a bag of fireweed, a POW block, a shroom, and some honey flavored vadgelly syrup.

**[Inventory : 4 Shrooms, 3 Fire Weed, 2 POW Blocks, &amp; 1 jar of honey flavored vadgelly syrup]**

Soon after their purchases, Mario and Goombella head towards the east gate where they will embark on a tedious adventure inside another more interesting adventure about to happen.

Mario: You know Goombella, im surprised there are so many stores where you can buy drugs in this region.

Goombella: Yeah. Especially in this village. The whole town seems a bit conservative if you ask me.

Mario: I don't think being conservative has anything to do with it.

Goombella: I guess this whole region has an overall cultural acceptance towards drug use.

Mario: Hell yeah it does! I guess these areas are starting to grow on me then!

Their walk had reached another milestone as they made it the east gate guarded by Koopeter (Age 22)

Mario: Hey there. So apparently, we received an approval from the mayor that we can pass sooo...

Koopeter: Ah yes. You 2 are the famous visitors about to save us from that dragon I've already heard so much about!

Goombella: Yes! Thats us. So I have to ask, why do you only use a long branch as a gate? It just looks really ineffective to be honest. Like. Can't people just walk over it?

Koopeter: Well you see, creatures made of stone live there. At least, I think they do. I mean, I've never seen any before and personally think it's all bullshit. But hey. What ever it takes to receive a minimum wage income right? Basically, this gate is designed to keep those things out of the village.

Mario: Uhh... yeah... See, now I see even more retarded flaws in that. The "creatures made of stone" can simply just break through a wooden branch gate thing without a problem. They'll probably kill you. Then, they'll probably overpower the rest of the village depending on how many come at you people.

Koopeter: Well... if you see any, just be careful okay. I warned you!

Mario: Yeah yeah. Don't be a tight ass.

Koops attempted to sprint towards them even though he can't run for shit cause he sits in his room all day.

Koops: HEY! Excuse me! I... can I uh… like… talk to you! PLEASE!

Mario: Oh hey! Your that Koopa that can't suck his own dick! Whats up!?

Koops: Uhh... Yeah... I came to apologize about that again before you go. Again, sorry you saw that... I was really panicking. It really was like uhh... the worst first impression I've ever made in my life ever!

Goombella: Uhh... okay...

Koops: Welp, see ya!

Koops: OH WAIT! 1 more thing!

Koops: Im... uhh.. my name is... kind of like... Koops! And I heard you were like, heading to Hooktail's castle or something right?

Mario: Yeah "kind of like Koops." We talked about that remember?

Koops: Yeah... sorry... and about that, I have a huge favor to ask...

Mario: Yes? Go on...

Koops:...

An hour later of Koops attempting at self advocate...

Koops:...

Koops: Well... Ummmm... Oh, just... Just ... AH Nevermind! Never mind! Fuck it! Ignore me! I never came here to talk to you! I don't exist! I'm not here right now! Good bye! Good bye forever!

Goombella: Ooooookaaaayyy... wow... He's gotta be the most uncomfortably awkward person I've ever met in my life! Like seriously! Hes got Major issues! Right Mario!? What do you think THAT was all about?

Mario: Ugh... Yeah really... Why do I have the feeling that he's gonna join our adventure?

Goombella: Jeez. Don't put that image in my head. He seems like the kind of person who would try and molest me in our sleep.

Koopeter: Hey! So are you 2 going through the gate or not!?

Mario: Hey! Fuck you and your attitude bitch!

Koopeter: Well, you know, if you're gonna talk like that, then I don't have to let you through the gate do I!?

Mario: Oh! Well you know what then? I'm just gonna walk over the branch you call a gate!

Mario walked over the branch gate.

Mario: Oh! What now!? You see that!? Your fence is my bitch! HAHA! Come on Goombella! Let's let his authoritative ass weep in his own shame and filth.

Goombella: *sigh* I'm actually starting to get used to this bullshit.,,

Goombella hopped over the branch gate on Mario's side.

Koopeter: Just so you know, don't bother coming back here cause you both are officially banned from Petalburg!

Mario: Yeah whatever! Good luck with that bitch!

Koopeter: Get out of here WOP!

Mario: Oh yeah? Well fuck you kike!

Goombella: Both of you stop with that shit and lets go!

Mario: Oh come on! That time it was called for!

**Chapture 2 - 3: Level 2: Whomp's... I meant Shhwonk's Fortress!**

_**[Path to Shhwonk's Fortress]**_

Mario and Goombella continued to walk east anticipating some results of stones. Keep in mind people that this part in the game itself was probably 1 of my least favorite/ unnecessary dragged out parts.

Mario: *snickering*

Goombella: What's so funny Mario?

Mario: Ah nothing. I was just remembering the name "Hookertail." *snickers some more* "Hookertail"...

Goombella: Yeah. Hehe! It was kind of funny. Who the hell even named him or her that anyway? I mean, Hooktail alone is ridiculous. But still.

Mario: I'm pretty sure its a "he." But who knows. Its just funny cause the dragon is like this retarded half dragon, half hooker thing. It just sounds really stupid if you ask me.

Goombella: Yeah! hehe. "Hookertail"

The 2 heroes made it into the grey fortress which happened to be already gated shut from the door across..

Mario: AH FUCKSHIT!

Goombella: Of course! The door is locked from the inside... welp, usually in the movies, there's a way out of this.

Mario: Yeah. Usually in my life, there is a way out of this. Fuck it. I'm gonna go to sleep, and hope that this whole adventure has been just some retarded dream and I wake up on a mountain full of Arminian hookers. Welp, nighty night!

Goombella: Wait! Check those out!

Goombella began to notice 2 bold rock goblins. Their entire anatomy consisted of a head with dark eyes, a large jaw like mouth, and feet attached to it. 2 of them were standing on pillars for each 1 of them. They looked passable to be displayed on TLC.

Mario: Well I guess as usual, the only sensible thing to do is to "hulk smash" them! Only with a HAMMER!

As Mario slammed 1 of the pillars with a hammer, both of them got out of their statue like positions to attack the duo in combat.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 28/30 (from the toadette incident if you remember)

Goombella: Power Level 18

FP: 5/5

V.S.

Bald Cleft: Power Level 6

Bald Cleft: Power Level 6

Mario: So these are the "mythical stone creatures" we were hearing about huh? Dude, they look fucking puny! The funniest part about it is that these 2 alone CAN probably destroy their whole village.

Goombella: Mario! We gotta focus. Come on!

Mario: Shut up we got this!

Mario uses hammer: This move is ineffective due to their high defense.

Mario: Shit! The hammer usually works! Welp, I'm out!

Goombella: Wait! Stop being lazy! You know they're always a way of out of this shit!

Mario: Fine...

Goombella uses tattle: These are Bald Clefts. Basically, If you have eyes, you can tell easily that they're "rock monsters." Basically, don't use fire attack. And though its power level is 6, it has some pretty high up defense. So try figuring out a way to knock it on its head.

Mario: So its a fucking koopa basicly?

Goombella: Well... kind of. Yes.

Bald Cleft uses charge on Mario: [1 Damage]

Other Bald Cleft uses charge on Mario: Mario counters it [-1 Damage] Good thing countering breaks through defense.

Mario uses power smash smashing 1 of the clefts into about 10 smaller pieces: [2 Damage]

Goombella uses wink appeal knowing she can't use any useful moves that aren't using the POW block.

Bald Cleft uses charge on Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario finishes it off with another power smash: [2 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

The gate opened as a result of the living stone creatures' demise.

Goombella: We did it! You know, bald guys really do gross me out.

Mario: Wait... Isn't your Professor Frankly bald?

Goombella: Yeah?

Mario: And didn't you suck his dick while wearing a clown suit?

Goombella: ... I fucking hate you.

As they continued their path, they just realized that the stones keys were not at the fortress.

Goombella: Wait a minute. Mario? Weren't there supposed to be stone key things inside that last fortress?

Mario: Ah shit! I don't think they were here.

Goombella: Should we head back then?

Mario: Yeah. Sure.

Goombella: Wait a minute! I see another fortress up ahead! Maybe that 1 has it!

Mario: You gotta be shitting me. The asshole mayor said it was in "Shhwonk's Fortress" not "Shhwonk's Fortresses" that son of a bitch had to take out the plural bullshit. *sigh* fine. Remind me to kick his ass when we get back there.

Goombella: But we got banned remember?

Mario: ... no were not.

The strange duo continued to walk and soon enough, they made it to the next fortress. It was identical to the first 1. Only greyish purple. Thats weird. Fortresses aren't purple! Maybe it's the SOUL FORTRESS! ... I hate myself.

Goombella began observing the stone creatures. Instead of them being bald clefts like last time, these creatures are purple spiky sun shaped stone things with big ass sharp teeth. They have holes for eyes and consisted of only a head with not even feet this time.

Goombella: Oh damn! So I guess these 2 look alot more dangerous than the last 1s...

Mario: They look like a bunch of pussies!

Goombella: Well... The doors lock in this fortress too. So you know what that means...

Mario: Right. On it!

Like last time, Mario slamed 1 of the pillars with his hammer resulting in the spiky stone things attacking them.

**[ANOTHER BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 24/30

Goombella: Power Level 18

FP: 1/5

v.s.

Bristle: Power Level 9

Bristle: Power Level 9

Mario uses hammer smash: The Bristle uses its spines to extend and jab Mario. [-1 Damage]

Mario: Ow you bitch!

Goombella: Maybe next time, try waiting for me to tattle.

Mario: Your tattles mean nothing to me!

Goombella: Oh bite my ass!

Mario: Hmm?

Goombella uses tattle: These things are called Bristles. They have a power level of 9. Same as the last 1s, they're made of rock, they have a high defense, don't use fire. Use a POW Block...

Bristle uses spiny spiky attack of deth on Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario: That doesn't hurt as bad as it should...

Other Bristle uses spiny spiky attack of deth on Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario: Fuck! These things are way too hard for me to counter!

Mario: Fuck it. I'm using 1 of these things!

Mario uses POW Block. This fortunately enough causes a mild earthquake that destroys the entire fortress along with both Bristles: [2 Damage]

**[ANOTHER END OF BATTLE]**

Mario and Goombella rose up unharmed from the rubble.

Mario: Yeah... Maybe I shouldn't have done that...

Goombella: No. No you shouldn't have. These fortresses are old and have a fragile structure you know. Oh well. At least it looks like you killed those things.

Mario: Yeah. I wonder how these POW Blocks even work scientifically. Like, how the hell do you make those things.

Goombella: Yeah. I can't figure out what the science is to them. Like, how the hell does a floating block cause such a brief earthquake anyway? Who even makes them and how?

Mario: You know, that's a very good question. We should keep going though.

Goombella: Yeah. You know, it just occured to me that this whole time we could have easily just walked around these fortresses.

Mario: Yeah. That would have been a lot smarter too.

_**[Shhwonk's Fortress!]**_

After the 2 heroes went through the dumb misleading fortresses, they finally found the ACTUAL fortress. Congrates! You survived half of the tedious filler!

Mario: Okay. So this fortress looks legit this time.

Goombella: Yeah! Look at it! Its huge!

Mario: Yeah. If this isn't the fortress with the stones, I will personally Nuke the entire Petal Meadows with everyone on it. I won't even give 2 shits if the dedly star survives.

Mario and Goombella entered the real Shhwonk's Fortress. This time, there was 1 rock head thing on a pillar. Were talking about a big ass Thwomp shaped thing facing them while entering the door. Need a description? Look up "Thwomp!"

Mario: Fuck. We gotta fight another 1 of these things. Well, at least there's only 1 this time.

Mario attempts to smash it with his hammer.

Mario: Fuck! Its not working!

As Mario continues to hopelessly slam it, he begins to curse at it.

Mario: COME ON! BITCH ASS! DIP SHIT! FIGHT ME YOU STUPID FUCK!

Thwomp (Age 1039): WHO ARE YOU CALLING A STUPID FUCK!?

Goombella: Holy shit! It talks!

Thwomp: MMMMMHMMMMMHOHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHHEFHFHESFHSDFHSGHSDFHSEHFHFSHDSEH!

Thwomp: Looks like you 2 are my first contestants in centuries I must say. You 2 must be searching for the stone keys! If you want them, you must play my game!

Mario: Is this shit stain serious?

Thwomp: SILENCE! If you win, you shall pass! However, if you lose, not only shall you NOT pass! You will suffer a fate worse than leprosy!

Thwomp: So, would you like to challenge me in my game!?

Mario: Fuck it. Why not?

Goombella: Mario! This guy seems pretty serious.

Mario: Relax. Were trying to get the dedly star right?

Goombella: Yeah, but we could have walked to the castle directly and could have been there awhile ago.!

Mario: Ehh... We'll be fine.

Thwomp: Ahaha! A daring choice indeed... LET US PLAY!

the entire room changed from having the texture of ancient stone walls to a modern day game show esc background. Lights were flashing everywhere, and many audience members were in the background. Odd enough as it is since there was no advertisements for this game show. Especially with this event occurring with no notifications from TicketMaster. It just doesn't make any fucking sense how there would be a fucking audience in the first place. THIS PARODY IS STARTING TO LOSE ITS GRIPS ON REALITY AHAAAAHAHHHHHHHH! Fuck it! I quit!

Not really.

So anyway, a majical game show booth suddenly appeared in front of Mario and Goombella along with a microphone appearing in front of the Thwomp.

Any Game Show music you can imagine starts to blast

Mario and Goombella: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?

Mario: I DON'T REMEMBER TAKING NO ACID!

Thwomp: Hello ladies and germs and bald headed sperms! Sit down those rears and perk up your ears! Welcome, everybody, to the 65.276th Super Duper Amazing Wacky Holocaust Funtime QuizQuake!

Goombella: Mario! I'm scared!

Mario: Yeah no duh.

Thwomp: The rules of the game are that if you answer 5 of the 7 questions correctly, you win! Get 3 of 'em wrong, and you will entertain the audience by dying from the dedly disease worse than leprosy! Shall we begin!

Mario: Can't we sue him for this!?

Thwomp: Errr! Wrong Answer!

Goombella: WHAT!?

Thwomp: AHAAA! Just kidding! Just wanted to see the look on your face! Now then! Question 1:

Okay, normally I would let Mario answer these, but I'm gonna try and be a fucking dick by theoretically having YOU phone Mario the answers.

Most of these questions are going to be based off what you've read exclusively in this parody. If you haven't read the uncut version of chapture 1, and this chapture before this scene, you might be screwed.

Try and see if you can answer all of these questions on your own without looking back at the previous points of the story.

The answers will be on the very bottom of this of this page.

Regardless of if you're right or not, this wont have any impact on you continuing the parody No manner what happens, Mario will win this quiz. I know, I just spoiled that part. This is a reading document. I do not have online quiz scripts programmed in this shit! Wanna play a shitty quiz, go on Facebook!

Thwomp: Now then, Question 1:

**Why is Mario on an adventure?**

A. For treasure

B. For sex with Peach

C. So he won't get executed

D. It's kind of unclear at this point

[Assuming you answered correctly]

Thwomp: RAWR! NO WAY! That is correct. Oh well. That was an easy 1. Question 2!

**What was the first band referenced in this entire Parody?**

A. The Doors

B. Drowning Pool

C. Judas Priest

D. Lonely Island

[Let's pretend like you got the answer wrong]

Thwomp: NO RETARD! You got it wrong! 2 More and you're ded! HAHAHAHHAHAHOOHOHOOHOHOHIHIHIHIHIH! Sorry about my laugh. K? Question 3!

**Who molested "IAMMASTER" when he was 8? ... Wait... wrong question...**

**What was the name of the man who tried capturing Goombella in Chapture 1 - 3?**

A. Lord Crump

B. Dr. Crump

C. Robotnik

D. GG Allin

[Congrats! You assumingly got it correct!]

Thwomp: No! How did you get that right!? Like, that question was so hard! No 1 ever gets that 1 right! Mrr…. Question 4!

**After taking viagra, how long can an erection last before you call 911?**

A. 30 Minutes

B. 3 Hours

C. 4 Hours

D. Over 4 Hours

Thwomp: What!? No 1 knows that answer either! You must watch Comedy Central of something! Question 5!

**What is the name of Eraser Djinn's final form? Oh wait. Wrong game.**

**What was the name of the Blooper they encountered?**

A. Big Bubbah

B. Big Blubbah

C. Beautiful Bert

D. Bitches... Sup Bitches... Its Chad Warden here!

[Assuming you answered it saying D]

Thwomp: HAHAHAHAHAH! Your guesses are so bad, you might as well kill yourself while you're ahead! Cause you're stupid! 1 more dumb answer like that, and you're gonna DIE! K,k,.. Question 6!

**Do you like IAMMASTER?**

A. Kind of.

B. She or he's a nigger!

C. Whos that?

D. I like chicken.

[I'll accept any answer as correct]

Thwomp: Wow! Correct! You people must be smarter than Stephen Hawking fucking Einstein's cryogenically reserved brain! FINAL QUESTION!

**What is the name of the former lead guitarist from Metallica? I meant...**

**When you met Koops, what was he doing when you walked in on him?**

A. Trying to suck his own dick

B. Eating Shit

C. Masterbating to Simpson's Hentai

D. Grilling a burger

[You got it correct right? Good]

Thwomp: NOOOOO! FUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKK! Correct! How were you able to answer 5 of the questions correctly!? I specifically designed for them to be impossible! YOU MUST HAVE CHEATED!...No. You win.

The room turns back to normal. The majical audience disappears as if they were never even real people to begin with. Were they holograms? In a fucking fortress!? Who knows. But yeah. The walls are stone again.

Mario: Ha! Suck my dick! We won bitch!

Thwomp: MMMMM... I'm so...angry... Because you flesh bags beat me, i'm now gonna explode which will reveal your warp pipe inside my piller. The pipe will lead you to the stones.

Goombella: I see... So you designed those difficult questions so you wouldn't have to die?

Thwomp: Thats right. I never thought my vanquishers would be this understanding about it. Maybe WE COULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!1

The thwomp exploded uncovering their warp pipe lead. You know guys... From a perspective, this has got to be the most terrifying concept I have added to this parody so far.

Goombella: Welp... I guess we're off to the next trial on finding these stones. But Mario, is it me, or is it weird to feel a little bad for him. I mean, he was designed to guard a path only to be destroyed...

Mario: Goombella, that thing was gonna give us leprosy. Fuck him.

Goombella: Yeah, I guess your right. At least now we know for sure that the stone keys are here.

Mario: Yeah... This warp pipe better not take fucking forever to go through like the last 1.

_**[Shhwonk's Fortress Sewer]**_

Mario and Goombella proceeded onward into the warp pipe to their next trial that took them into the middle of an ancient underground tunnel much darker than Ghettoport Sewers. Dont ask me what the science is behind their ability to see in the dark underground with no source of light. Oh wait, Goombella has a flashlight on her helmet. I forgot. So basically the tunnel's terrane was divided by a shallow stream of ancient ass water with who knows how many chemicals mutated from the liquid. As a matter of fact, the chemicals mutated so hard, that it formed these obscure living purple fuzzy ball like creatures known as "fuzzys." Note that their facial expressions are fucking ridiculous if you actually know what they look like.

Mario: Okay... Seeing as though we're still in this temple, i'm not quite sure about nuking the Petal Meadows just ye- HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT SMELL!? BLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGG!1

Guess what, Mario puked.

Goombella: WHY IS THERE SO MANY FUCKING WRETCHED SMELLING PLACES IN THIS REGION!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGG!

And so did Goombella.

Mario and Goombella began to complain about the old ass smell in the tunnel. Basically, It smells like rotting cat food that was eaten and puked out by a wild pack of hobos only for that puke to be eaten and shat out. Then they ate the shit only for it to turn into more shit and diarrhea. Then the hobos pissed and cummed all over the diarrhea mixed with a bunch of feral creatures doing the same. Then they sprinkled ass hairs full of other shit crumbs on it only for it to burn causing that aroma. Thats what it smells like. Maybe that smell should kill them.

The 2 of them managed to hold their noses for the time being.

Mario: GOD DAMN! Well luckily I stole some clothes pins from 1 of the houses in Petalburg. Lets use these.

Goombella: When did you find those!?

Mario: While you were in the bathroom in that drug store.

Mario and Goombella applied the clothes pins closing off their nasal cavities. Wait... do goombas even have noses!?

Goombella: How the fuck are you people doing all this shit while i'm in the bathroom!? Im in there for like, a minute!

Mario: More like 30...

Goombella: Uhh... Lets go this way!

Goombella pointed to the left somehow. As the 2 of them walked down the dark tunnel, they reached the far left ded end of it where they finally found 1 of the keystones. Its about FUCKING time too! Seriously. Thats what I was thinking when I played the game that this parody is based on.

Goombella: Hey look! A stone!

Mario: Wait... Why is it shaped like a fucking banana?

Goombella: That's not a banana you idiot. Its a moon!

Goombella: WAIT A SEC! I just realized something! Remember when I was examining those rocks from earlier today?

Mario: Uhh... Not really...

Goombella: *sigh* Remember when we got out of the long warp pipe ride from Ghettoport? There were these 2 stones 1 with a sun, and 1 with a moon crater. I think these stones are the keys that complete those stones! It makes perfect sense right!?

Mario: ... I don't get it.

Goombella: Mario! Just grab the fucking stone...

Mario: Grabbing things is what i'm good at!

1ce when Mario walked over and grabbed the moon shaped key stone, a freaking fuzzy popped out of the ceiling waiting possibly many life times for someone to grab the stone. This is starting to sound like Harry Potter meets Indiana Jones right here.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 22/30

Goombella: Power Level 18

FP: 1/5

V.S.

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Goombella: What the fuck are those things!?

Mario: They're these fuzzy little hemorrhoid looking things that try to suck on you! I don't mean in a good way either.

Goombella: Yeah? Well imma gonna google these things. THROUGH BOOK!

Goombella uses tattle: These are Fuzzys. They're flesh eating parasites that eat your flesh to strengthen their own. WHAT THE FUCK!? Eww. Thats is way too disturbing. Yeah so if you don't wanna get disturbing flesh wounds, you should switch to defense mode.

Mario: To hell with that! I'm pulling out mah fire weed! Imma hot boxin' this tunnel!

Mario uses fire weed on all of the fuzzys. Imagine it as they all burn alive from a gruesome deth: [3 Damage All]

Mario: That was hardly even a battle.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario: Yeah so that was a fucking joke. So, we outta here or what?

Goombella: What might be a better answer for you. We still gotta find the sun stone shaped 1. The mayor did say stone key"s!"

Mario: ...what?

The fat human and the conceited goomba girl now traveled to the right side of the tunnel where they will easily find the sun stone for it was right in front of them! Have any of you been wondering who the fuck decided to place these stones in these places!? Oh yeah! I almost forgot. Half way there, Mario found another badge. The **Multibounce** 1! The 1 where you get to jump on each enemy in a row. Seriously, it's great. This move is a real fuck you to the opponents!

Goombella: Yup! Theres the Sun stoned key! See it?

Mario: You know, that kind of looks like the jewel from that Starmie Pokemon. You know what im talking about right?

Goombella: Uhh. Yeah I can see that. But that's clearly the sun stone that we've been looking for so... yeah.

Mario: You know, the fact that these are called "sun stone" and "moon stone" are also from pokemon games too. Thats kind of trippy...

Goombella: Mario, you're high right now.

Mario: Oh yeah. I forgot...

1ce when Mario grabbed the sun stone, guess what happened next?

**[BATTLE MODE]**

YEP!

Mario: Power Level 22/30

Goombella: Power Level 18

FP: 1/5

v.s.

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Mario drank some honey flavored vadgelly syrup to replenish the FP back to 5.

Mario: Eww… I forgot that this shit tastes like... pussy! AWESOME!

Goombella: Err ... I'm not sure if I wanna try that now.

Mario: Its pretty... good!

Goombella: Uhhh...I need to get that thought out of my head. Do you have any more fire weed?

Mario: Uhh... Yeah. I do? You wanna smoke some!?

Goombella: Well, I wanna kill these guys, but... yeah. Watching you do it looks... kind of fun. Not gonna lie.

Mario: Well... Alright!

Mario rolled Goombella a joint full of fire weed.

Mario: So, you do know how to smoke this?

Goombella: Well... no. I've actually never smoked weed or done any drugs in general.

Mario: Alright, so what you do is...

Mario explained and showed Goombella how to smoke fire weed. Okay, so take about a few seconds to reflect on what your reading and how ridiculous this scene is. You may also notice that this is the kindest gesture you've seen from Mario so far. I think he's actually a little nicer when he's high. And yes, the fuzzys have just been standing there waiting for Goombella to make her next move this whole time.

Goombella learned how to smoke fire weed: [3 Damage All]

Oh yeah, all them fuzzys died like bitches!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Goombella: THAT WAS AWESOME! THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME HOW TO SMOKE FIRE WEED!

Mario: Ah. It's no big deal.

Goombella: No really! That kicked ass! Like, that was a total rush!

Mario: Yeah... it'll happen. So we outta here or what?

Goombella: Yeah we are! Lets-a GO!

Mario: Dont... dont do that. Please. That's my thing…

Goombella: Jeez Mario. Don't kill my buzz.

Mario: I'm just saying. It sounds really off to me where I hear other people say it.

Now that the stoned heroes finally collected the 2 stones [Insert Stoner Pun Here], they were finally in the clear to head back to the Petal Meadows. Unfortunately for them, 1 more sign of trouble occurred as they were about to take the warp pipe back up. Kind of misleading, I know.

? ?: KUHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Mario: The fuck is that!?

A golden fuzzy appeared out of no where similar as did the first 2. Or 8 did. I dont know, the overworld/ battle mode dynamic is confusing. Seriously.

Gold Fuzzy (Age 783): KUHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Hey! What are you 2 strange folk doing here!? ! And why does this place smell like fire weed!? IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE THAT! ITS SUPPOSED SMELL LIKE KUHBLAHING FECAL CAT FOOD! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT SMELL TURNS ME ON!? Now I must do the next best thing and EAT YOUR ASSES! TO DETH!

Mario: Oh fuck. This 1 talks. They must really be hemorrhoids after all.

Goombella: Yeah. They can eat my foot when kick their teeth in!

Gold Fuzzy: SILENCCCCCCCCCCE! YOU WILL ALL DIE! KUHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 22/30

Goombella: Power Level 18

FP: 5/5

V.S.

Golden Fuzzy: Power Level 15

Goombella uses tattle: This is called a Golden Fuzzy. Yeah, like we're totally color blind. Fortunately unlike the other fuzzys, it actually just tackles you instead of eating you. Thats good. Cause I think I can pass from having a flesh eating disease.

Mario uses power smashed face attack: [4 Damage like a mother fucker!]

Mario: Ha! Take that! You look like a glorious golden turd that got shat out by Goldilocks after she was done shaving her golden pubic hair in the toilet!

Golden Fuzzy: K THATS IT! KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Golden Fuzzy summoned 1000 fucking gross ass regular purple fuzzys

Mario: Oh shit...

Goombella: THERE'S MORE OF THEM!?

Fuzzy Army: Power level 50 apparently because that totally adds up to 1000 of them.

Fuzzy Army attacks Goombella. The mighty army of 1000 Fuzzys inflicted a mighty [5 Damage] on her. Maybe they just suck. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!

Goombella reaches a danger status.

The Golden Fuzzy tackles Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario uses fireweed and gets even higher: [3 Damage All]

This kills 147 of the Fuzzys somehow and made the tunnel smell more like dank ass weed.

Goombella uses head ass attack on The Fuzzy Lumpkin Army: [2 Damage]

Fuzzy Army attacks Mario: [5 Damage]

The Golden Fuzzy tackles Goombella: [1 Damage]

Mario uses generic double jump smash on Golden Fuzzy: [2 Damage]

Goombella uses the amazing head helmet attack on The Golden Fuzzy smashing it to deth: [2 Damage]

As a result of this, the remaining 746 of the fuzzys all killed themselves by eating each other alive. Normally this give them all health, but since they were doing this out of suicide over the deth of their mighty golden leader, THEY ALL DIED!.

Mario also leveled up his BP. And I don't mean the oil company everyone still hates.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Goombella: Is that the last of them? Cause all this shtick in this fortress path is really starting to annoy me.

Mario: I think thats it. All these obstacles can really go fuck themselves.

Goombella: Hey Mario?

Mario: What?

Goombella: Uhh... Can you help me get all of this shiny blood off my helmet?

Mario: It'll wash out when we go through the warp pipe or whatever.

Goombella: Alright good.

Mario: You know, the way they killed themselves. Yeah. That was pretty funny!

Goombella: Normally that would be offensive, but since they were flesh eating viruses, no 1 feels bad for them!

Mario: Yes. And now its time to fight a big ass dragon!

Goombella: Oh shit! I forgot about fucking Hookertail! Shit! We really have to fight that thing?

Mario: Yeah. This subventure was kind of distracting from the real mission wasn't it.

Goombella: Yeah. Fuck... Now I don't wanna do it. But we have to.

Mario: Yeah...

**Chapture 2 - 4: A strange hero awaits!**

_**[Petalburg]**_

Mario and Goombella at last made it out of the staggering journey to find the key stones for a short cut to Hooktail's castle. Seriously, this probably would have been alot faster at this point if they skipped the short cut and walked straight to the fucking castle by foot.

They decided to return back to Petalburg since they can't walk around the town apparently. Despite Mario being banned from the pathetic town, he didn't give a fuck. Nor will he ever. They noticed that the town was partially destroyed as Hooktail came back while they were at the fortress. The dragon decided to be a fucking dick to the koopas again by wrecking their houses, eating them, stomping on them thinking it's like Mario, burning housing, and leaving the sink running in some of their houses to be even more of a fucking dick. The town was left in total havok as a few of the unimportant koopas perished like Koopari and Koopeter.

Goombella: Oh my God! What happened!?

Mario: I think the town got destroyed.

Goombella: Gee. Really? Isn't it obvious!? Look at all of these burning wrecked houses! Hooktail must have came back here.

Mario: Yeah. Shit just got real I guess.

Mario noticed a giant dragon footprint with the flattened corpse of the gate guard they encountered before the journey.

Mario: Oh hey, and look! That guard from earlier got stomped on by that fucking dragon! HA! Guess were not banned anymore are we!

Goombella: Why are you focused on that right now?

Mario: Pfft. I don't know. Its just funny I guess.

Goombella: Should we help them out?

Mario: Yeah! Will help them out by killing the dragon so it doesn't come back! And... for the dedly star I guess.

Goombella: I don't know. I just feel like we should help them out a little first.

Mario: Look, 1st off, fuck these people, 2second, they can help themselves, and 3rd, by the time we "help them," the dragon will probably come back and fuck things up yet again! So lets go!

During their visit back in Petalburg, they made a pit stop to Niff T.'s Narcotics for 2 bag of fireweed, 2 POW blocks, and 2 jars of honey flavored vadgally syrup. Yeah, their shop is still opened despite the fact that a murderous dragon just attack their fucking village.

**[Inventory : 4 Shrooms, 2 Fire Weed, 2 POW Blocks, &amp; 2 jar of honey flavored vadgelly syrup]**

Along the way back to the meadow, they ran into Koopie Koo yet again

Koopie Koo: GUYS!

Goombella: Oh fuck. She survived...

Koopie Koo: Hooktail just attacked everyone again! Its terrible! my house got destroyed! And some of us died! Its terrible! Are you guys alright!?

Mario: Yeah. We just got the stones the Mayor talked about. And were heading back to the castle to fuck its ass up.

Koopie Koo: You did!? Sweet! I'll go let the Mayor know right away! I think he actually slept through the entire attack just now. As for Koops, I don't know where he is. I haven't seen him since the dragon last showed up! Have you seen him?

Mario: I dont fucking know. You think he's ded or something?

Koopie Koo: Maybe. I mean, I was thinking about breaking up with him anyway. I'd rather just date something who is ACTUALLY brave and not just some pathetic weakass like him. I wonder why I even fell for him in the first place…

Goombella rolled her eyes some more as she was getting sick of Koopie Koo's bullshit.

Koopie Koo: Hey Mario, you think you wanna come to my place for a little and see if myy... shower is still working?

Goombella started to get jealous.

Mario: Uhh...

Goombella: Oh you are so full of shit. You just said you're house got destroyed right?

Koopie Koo: Well you see-

Goombella: Ha! You're chiche porno based rip-off seduction tricks are like, so weak. Come on Mario, we got places to be. Later bitch!

Goombella bit Mario's ass as she dragged him out of the town manually.

Mario: Why the fuck are you cock blocking me!?

Goombella: RM DRRNNIZZZKRZZRRLRRVVVYRRR! (I'm doing this cause I love you!)

Koopie Koo stayed back as we was left with utter confusion.

Koopie Koo: What's up that bitches ass!?

_**[Petal Meadows]**_

As Mario and Goombella proceeded back to the Petal Meadows, they heard a whiny voice of someone who was eagerly waiting for them to show up.

Koops: UMM!

Mario: Oh shit! You're alive! Hey! Whats up!?

Goombella: ... Is he gonna pull out a knife or something?

Koops begins to walk over to them making Goombella rather paranoid.

Koops: Umm... Uhh...

Mario: Speak up!

Koops re-attempted to advocate for himself. Unfortunately, he ended up sounding like a fucking retard as usual.

Koopa: Oh yeah... Uhh... Excuse me, I... Ummmm... See, the thing is, I've kinda been waiting here to like, hope, ... Like hope I can uhh... talk to, talk to with you.. Yeah. Talk to you... I have to ask you kind of like uhhh... ask you something, uhh... If you say no, that like, uh... cool too. And uhh... please say like, no If you wanna- kinda like, don't want to.

Mario: Get to the fucking point already! I'm about to sack stab you and ferociously bite your face off and PISS ON YOU if you don't get to the fucking point already!

Koops started to walk towards Mario even closer. He walked so close to Mario's face to the point where it was too awkward to even describe.

Goombella: MARIO LOOK OUT!

Mario: Relax, he's.. harmless.

Koops: UUUrrrrrrmmmmmmm... Well you see, I was wondering if-

Mario: Wait! Hold on, can you stand the fuck back a little? Your breath smells like you've been eating some microwavable Cheesy Garlic Bread or some shit!

Koopa: Oh yeah... Umm... like sorry and stuff...

Koops: Ummmmmm... See... I was wondering... What do you like, think about...Uhh... I WANNA JOIN YOU GUYS! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU GUYS FIGHT HOOKTAIL! PLEASE, I WILL ACTUALLY KILL MYSELF THIS TIME IF YOU DON'T LET ME TEAM UP WITH YOU! PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING! EVEN GAY STUFF! I DONT CARE! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! I THINK YOU 2 ARE THE COOLLEST PEOPLE IVE EVER MET AND I NEED YOU GUYS! BADLY!

Goombella: Dude, like what the fuck. You need to calm down okay?

Koops: Right... Sorry about that. You see, 10 years ago, daddy left town for a pack of camel blue cigarettes, but daddy was really trying to be a hero. So he went off to fight Hooktail single handedly. And he never came back.

Goombella: Uhh...Okay.

Koops: I miss him, of course... I miss him like, so badly. Like, I haven't seen him since I was 8. See, if he was around, he could have beaten up all of the kids in my grade for being mean to me. Which... was like, all of them... And since he died, they just made fun of me for having a ded dad. I never even had a male role model in my life! Seriously!

Mario: ... Cool?

Koops: Not only, do I want to avenge my daddy, but I want revenge as well. I've seriously been waiting for the day where I can finally murder-fuck that dragon! I'll do it for daddy!

Mario: Well thank you for appreciating the art that is murder-fucking. Unlike some people…

Mario looks at Goombella.

Goombella: What?

Koops: I just don't wanna go back to Petalburg. I hate it there. Everyone is a fucking dick to me! They all talk shit about me for having a ded dad and an abusive mom too. Even my gf sucks! Maybe, if I joined you guys, i'll become brave. And I can finally have the courage to kick everyone's ass in this for fucken saken town!

Mario: Goombella? Why do I have the feeling that this guy is a little autistic?

Goombella: I think he has something else going on...

Koops: So please? Can I team up with you guys!? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Mario and Goombella look at each other as they try to figure out what they should do about Koops.

They both begin to address Koops with their decision.

Goombella: Ehh...

Mario: Nope, sorry.

Koops: What!? Why? Why not!?

Goombella: It's gonna be kind of dangerous.

Mario: Plus, you don't seem like you're a good fit for us.

Goombella: And you might try and rape us.

Mario: Plus you're kind of a wuss. And I don't like your lazy eye either.

Koops: Ah geez... really? Well, I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.

Koops began to reach into his hoodie to grab something.

Goombella: Oh God! He's gonna pull out a knife! Run!

Mario: No wait! Thats not a knife! Thats…

Koops pulled out a big ass bag a marijuana as he plans to smoke with them as a peace offering.

Koops: I got some bud. If you guys want, I can smoke you both down if you let me join?

Mario and Goombella looked at each other again as they reevaluated their decision about Koops joining.

Mario: Okay. You can join us. But if shit starts to get real, we're using you as our human shield.

Koops: NO WAY SERIOUSLY!? OH YES! YES! YES THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS FINALLY GONNA BE MY BIG BREAK IN LIFE! I promise you won't regret this.

Mario: We better not.

**[INITIATION MODE]**

Koops' abilities are extremely self loathing. Basically, when Mario jumps on him while in his shell, he can pretend like he's a combination of a bowling ball and a boomerang. Apparently, he's fascinated with the sensation of being abused. I guess that's what he's used to dealing with.

Mario demonstrates this on a large rock.

Koops: Oww! Hey!

Mario: Heh. Nice.

Mario: Wait, thats what he can do? Awesome!

He can also hold down his ability to come right back at a given point.

**[END OF INITIATION MODE]**

Koops: Sweet! Im on your guyses team now! This is gonna be so awesome!

Koopie Koo walked towards the recently established party. She was not happy.

Koopie Koo: Koops! Did you just join Mario's party!? Without me!

Goombella: Oh great... It's your bitch girlfriend Koops.

Koops: Oh... .uhh... Hey Koopie Koo... Oh golly, ummm... uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh... Hi... Uhhh.. Which part of that did you overhear?

Koopie Koo: ...

Koops: Uhh...

Koopie Koo: ... ALL OF IT! You know what? You ran off when Hooktail was attacking again, you never even checked if I was okay, and now you're joining fat ass and goomba bitch to fight Hooktail!? Are you fucking crazy!?

Mario: Wait... So do you not want Koops to join us, or do you want to join us?

Goombella: She's not joining us.

Koopie Koo: Koops, you're supposed to be weak and worthless! That's why i'm dating you!

Goombella: Wow... what a let down...

Koops started to get teary eyes as a result of Koopie Koo's remarks.

Koops: But... Koopie Koo... PLEASE! I wanna do this for me! For you. I finally feel like i'm in a group that understands me!

Mario: "Understand" might be a little strong you know...

Koops: With them, I can end up being the strong 1 of the village when I come back!

Koopie Koo: No you wont! And I'm the tough 1 of the village! Thats why you need me! You will always be a bitch. You will always be worthless. I. Own. YOU! Got it!? You are nothing without me! Without me, you would still be that creepy 12 year old child obsessively playing with legos!?

Koops started to go into a full on crying session.

Koops: BUT I STILL DO THAT!

Koopie Koo: Koops, that dragon, will KILL you. Do you want to die like a coward?

Koops: *sniff*... no?

Koopie Koo: Good. God! your such a stupid idiot. You know that right?

Koops: Yes?

Koopie Koo: Good. Your mine and you always will be.

Koops started to do that thing that some people do where they cry so hard where it becomes nearly impossible for them to breath. Thats what Koops was doing...

Goombella: Oh my God. Koops! Don't listen to her. Earlier she was planning on leaving you anyway. She was trying to fuck Mario behind your back too! She just wants to get what she wants cause she's a Manipulative BITCH!

Koopie Koo: This doesn't concern you goomba! If I were you, I would just go home.

Koopie Koo: Now Koops. Leave this job to the professionals and LETS GO!

Koops: *sigh* *sniff sniff* Guys, she's right. I'm not *sniff* good at fighting. It was nice knowing *sniff* you guys kind of...

Mario: Well... Okay...

Koopie Koo: Yes good. Now are you gonna give back my weed you stole from me or what?

Mario: WHAT!?

Everyone looked at Mario.

Mario: He is not going anywhere Bitch! He needs us!

Goombella redirects her attention towards Koopie Koo.

Goombella: Yeah! Leave him alone. And why don't YOU go home bitch! Oh wait, thats right! The dragon destroyed it! So why don't you just crawl in a dumpster and just die!

Koops: Uhh... guys…

Koopie Koo started to get really huffy.

Koopie Koo: ... WOOOOOOOW. LEIK, OKAY FINE! IGNORE ME! I don't even care anymore! Your the worst bf EVER!

Koops: Wait! I'm sorry!

Koopie Koo: Fuck all of you! Okay!? I'm done, have a nice life you stubborn jerk!

Koopie Koo power shelled through Mario, Gombella, and Koops: [1 Damage All]

Koops started crying alot as he was knocked on the ground shamefully.

Mario was knocked on the ground as well, only he wasn't crying... and he had a boner.

Goombella on the other hand was not only knocked down, but became enraged with anger and fury as she was about to violently scream at Koopie Koo.

_Fucking Hostile by Pantera somehow started playing in the background._

Goombella: OKAY LISTEN BITCH! I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU COPYING MY STYLE, ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT SEX ATTEMPTS, ENOUGH OF YOUR 2 FACED BULLSHIT, AND YOUR MANIPULATION! I ONLY JUST MET YOU AND I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE EVER HATED ANYONE EVER IN MY LIFE!

Koopie Koo: Whatsa matter? Is the baby goomba bitch going to cry some more!?

Koops started to looked at Goombella and started to lightly nodding in agreement at Goombella signaling her to keep going.

Goombella: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

**[BATTLE MODE] **

Goombella: power level 16/18

V.S.

Koopie Koo: power level 5

Goombella uses tattle: This is Koopie Koo. He's a pompous bitch with a power level of 5 and a broken nose!

Goombella shot herself directly at Koopie Koo brutally breaking her nose far worse than Koops' nose injury. Blood was all over her face: [2 damage]

Koopie Koo: OOOWWWWWWWWW!

Koopie Koo fell on her back as she was knocked down.

Goombella flipped off Koopie Koo. Use your imagination.

Goombella: Had enough bitch!?

Koopie Koo forfeits.

**[END OF BATTLE] **

Koopie Koo started crying as she was holding her broken nose together to keep tons of blood from spilling out. She then started to have 1 of those ultimate toddler like temper tantrums that are probably nostalgic to most of you reading this.

Koopie Koo: I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU FUCKING UGLY BITCH FUCKER! YOU'RE A MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING DICK ASS WHORE! YOU FUCKING CUNT ASS BITCH WHORE SLUT BIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH! BIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH! HATE YOOOOOOOOOOUUUU! IIIIIIII HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAHAHAHAAAAAHHAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Koopie Koo ran off having a bitchy temper tantrum.

Goombella: Yeah! You better run bitch!

Mario:... DAMN GOOMBELLA!

Koops: *Sniff sniff* Hey uhh... Goombella?

Goombella: *sigh* Koops, Im sorry I beat up your girlfriend. But you have to understand, she was THAT terrible of a person. You can see where I'm coming from right?

Koops: No, you were absolutely right... You said and did all of the things I wish I could have. No seriously, I've fantasized about beating her up for years now. So... thank you standing up for me and stuff...

Goombella: Yeah... Normally, a comment like that would freak me out cause guys hitting their girlfriends is just plain wrong, but this is 1 of those cases where you're absolutely right. Don't get the wrong idea though. You're still pretty fucking weird you know.

Koops: Yeah... hehe... I've tried explaining that to people, but they would just call me sexist cause they're all a bunch of SJWs.

Goombella: Ugg... We have so many of those in college...

Koops: Oh where do you go to college at?

Mario: GUYS! I just finished masterbating!

Mario was all sweaty and gross as he addressed that.

Goombella: Gross... Good to know I guess?

Mario: YEAH IT IS! That fight was fucking hot! Hey Koops!

Koops: Yeah?

Mario: You still got that weed?

Koops: I SURE DO!

Koops smoked down Mario, and Goombella as they sat around in the Petal Meadows.

A few hours passed as the 3 of them sat around mindlessly getting high and chatting about nonsense.

Koops: Umm... Yeah... So thats how you got fired as a plumber huh? Wow. You know, I used to work at McDonalds, but I got fired. You see, it was a busy day, and Boo Cosby comes in right? he wants to order a Filet O Fish meal with large fries and a drink. Umm... I think it was Hi-C... I dont know. So basically, I got all nervous and started sweating as I was frying the fries. So it was like, really hot, and my band aid kept falling off of my nose and it kept falling in the fryer. When I served him his meal, he started complaining about a band aid being in his fries. So then he sued McDonalds for 50,000,000 coins and it got on 1up news. The manager got so pissed at me so he fired me. And... and had me arrested! My mother "Koopla" had to bail me out. When we got home, she started beating me. She punched me directly in my eyeball! That's why I have this lazy eye...

Goombella: Oh wow... That sucks. I would add more to that but I've never really worked anywhere before. Don't judge me.

Mario: Yeah. Pretty sick story though.

Koops: Yeah. Also, Koopla dropped me on my head... Apparently, my daddy told me thats when she did that, her first words were,"OOPS!" She even named me after that quote. Why do you think my name is K"oops."

Mario started to burst out laughing like an asshole. This laugh lasted for awhile

Goombella: Damn... thats pretty harsh. So like I was saying about my job thing earlier, I never really worked at a job yet. My parents always supported me financially. They pay for a lot. Like college, makeup, and videogames and stuff.

Koops: Yeah. When you were talking about your summer vacation from college, I was wondering? Wouldn't you had been able to have any partners come with you for the trip?

Mario continued to laugh. He even peed a little. The pee isnt easy to smell, but if you concentrate hard enough, you can smell it.

Goombella: Well... basically, I have no friends at college. They all hate me. My professor assigned 3 grade A students to come with him. Me being 1. Basically, those other 2 students decided they'd rather choke on their own vomit than spend time with me and find ancient treasure.

Koops: Wait... why do they hate you so much?

Goombella: Well, a lot of them thought I was really stuck up and self-centered which is bullshit cause, like, heh i'm not! Also, I made a rape joke that was taken out of context. I WAS TALKING ABOUT A SCENARIO WHERE YOU SHOULDN'T DO OR SAY THE WORD "RAPE!" The joke was about the worst kind of scenario ever being about a guy running around naked in an opened trench coat at a liberal arts college hallway dorm. He's waving his arms while wearing dildo finger gloves and yelling, "RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE!" So basically, a lot of those college wannabe activists got like, SUPER offended and had the film crew make a video about how rape is wrong. They used ugly photos of me that they hacked from my computer to bash me in the video! So that's why all of them hate me... They hated me so much, they started making a donation fund to get me to kill myself. *sniff*

Koops: Wow. Like... Like, that awful. So similar to me, everyone hates you too right?

Goombella: Uhh... No! Its not like that at all! People like me…

Koops: So wait, I have to ask cause i'm bad with names. You names... Goombella? Right?

Goombella: Yeah.

Mario was still on the floor laughing from earlier.

Koops: Okay sweett! And who's that guy over there? Like, he seems familiar… He's Mario isn't he? Like, the real Mario?

Koops pointed at Mario getting his attention.

Goombella: Yeah! He's the real Mario! He can like, be a dick, but if you get to know him well enough, he's actually kind of a cool guy. Like, basically, he has a penis level- I mean, penis size of 7.85! His flaccid level is about 5.54. Personally, I think he's more of a shower than a grower.

Mario: What are you talking? You've never even seen my dick!

Goombella: Not true! I did see it hanging down once when you did that airplane butt rub thing that turned you into a plane. Also, you like, have a boner every 7 seconds!

Mario: Hey! Thats a myth!

Koops: Wow, I can see your point. But not to be rude.

Goombella: Thank you. I would say you're penis is about 5.49 inches. Its kind of on the small side if you ask me cause like, the average is 5.5.

Koops: Aww shucks! Wait, you saw my penis?

Goombella: Uhh... Yeah. You were totally trying to suck your own dick when we first saw you.

Koops: Oh yeah... I guess that make sense.

Mario: Yeah... And I have to ask, what's with you and penises right now?

Goombella: I don't know. Its like when I'm high, I like, get a little … turned on apparently... For some reason, my psyche won't let me think about anything else right now. Oh gosh. I feel really weird for saying all that now. No 1 thinks im weird right?

Koops: Its okay Yeah... I've always wanted to ask, why are females so attracted to penises? I just don't get it you know what I mean?

Mario: Thats a good question! You know, I think it's cause they don't have 1! And that concept is hot to them! That's why I like dem titties! I just wanna know what it feels like to actually have them attached to your chest like from the female's perspective. That right there is fucking hot! I mean yeah I kind of have boobs, but i'm talking about "girl" boobs you know?

Goombella: Yeah...With dicks, its that, and a lot of other weird things I think about that I can't really explain right now. Maybe it's the shape and what they're for and the whole cumming thing and the variety of sizes is an appeal. I dont know... I would try to say more, but I mean, I can't think of why, I just dont know how to put it all into words exactly.

Koops: I have that same issue with explaining sexual fascinations too…

Mario: Yeah same...

Koops: Wow! We get along great together do we!?

Mario: Yeah... probably cause were so high thanks to your weed!

Goombella: Yeah. Heh. I think we need to come up with a team name guys!

Koops: Yeah. After all, were a team now!

Mario: Yeah! But what should we call us?

Koops: Well you're our leader right!? You should come up with it!

Goombella: What? When did Mario become the leader!? I thought I was th- ... aww screw it...

Mario: Hmm... Give me some ideas.

Koops: Lets be the Adventuring 3 Unleashed!

Goombella: Nah... Thats stupid. What kind of name is that? You know, I bet you watch Loonatics Unleashed, and LIKE IT!

Koops: Wait, what's wrong with Loonatics Unleashed!? That stuff is the core of my nostalgia!

Goombella: LAME! Don't even get me started on that. But here's my idea. Lets be the Team of the Universe!

Koops: Why does that suddenly make me think of Steven Universe?

Goombella: Well, actually I was thinking about the name of my college; U Goom. "U" stands for universe. Like University...

Koops: I see.

Mario: No wait! I just got it! We will be,... The M Team!

Goombella: That sounds like an A team rip off...

Mario: Yes. That's the idea. If you don't like, trust me. It will grow on you.

Koops: So wait, does the "M" stand for like, Mario or something?

Mario: No... M stands for... MOTHER FUCKERS!

Koops: Hmm... So were the "mother fuckers" team?

Goombella: Shouldn't it be the MF Team then?

Mario: The M Team rolls off the tongue better.

Goombella: Yeah... I guess.

Koops: I think it does. So alright! Cool! Were "The M Team!"

Goombella: Okay yeah... Now I guess that names growing on me now. OH SHIT!

Mario and Koops: What?

Goombella: We forgot to put the stoned key pieces into the rocks!

Mario: Haha! We got the keys stoned!

Goombella: I meeean, we still need to put the stones in the rocks!

Mario: Oh right! I forgot about that shit.

Goombella: We must have gotten so high that we get side tracked about we forgot about the whole reason why we came here.

Mario: Well personally, I think we all needed some time to fucking chill you know?

Koops: Wait, so what are we doing?

Mario: Were putting in those stones? So wait, which 1 goes in which?

Goombella: *Sigh...* You put the sun stone in the rock with that sun shaped hole, and you put the moon stone in the rock with that moon shaped hole. Didn't you learn shaped in kindergarten?

Mario: That was the year where I got really addicted to pot.

Koops: Why do those stones suddenly remind me of Pokemon?

Mario: Right!?

Mario and Koops installed the stones into the large relics. Doing this majically conjured a ritual where 2 blue transparent Super Mario World/64 looking switches rose from the ground along with a shrine with some kind of stupid instructions that tell them how to access the warp pipe.

Mario: Hey! Sweet! Its written in english! ... Goombella? Can you read, I can't read in english.

Goombella: Of course... It says "Here beginneth the path to dread Hooktail's Castle. Weaklings, retreated." Koops... "Yei who seeketh to proceed: a power of 2 must hitteth botch switches simultaneously."

Koops: So we have to hit those 2 switches at the same time?

Goombella: Well yeah. Basically.

Mario: Well in that case, I got an idea! Koops! Come with me!

Koops: Uhh... Okay... What are we doing exactly?

Mario guided Koops to the right switch.

Mario: Alright, so you know that whole initiation shit we did?

Koops: Yeah?

Mario:... Were gonna do that.

Koops: Gee wizz... Really?

Mario: Yeah... yeah we are. Do you have any better ideas?

Koops: Well... no...

Mario: Exactly, now I'm gonna jump on you, and your gonna do that hold move until I say "go."

Koops: Ohh... Alright...

Mario jumped on Koops as he held down the rolling back portune of his boomerang move. Mario then prepared to hammer slam the other switch.

Mario: Alright Koops. You better not fuck this up.

Koops: Oh...kay.

Mario: Alright, on a count of 3. 1, 2, 3!

Mario hit the switch as Koops hit it too early.

Mario: What the hell Koops! You missed your cue you asshole!

Koops: But you said when you say "go,"

Mario: Shut up. Okay, on a count of 3 this time! 1, 2, 3!

They missed their cues again.

Mario: DAMNIT KOOPS! YOU RETARD!

Koops: Sorry! I'm not good at timing i'm just so nervous!

They then spend an entire stressful fucking hour and a half to try and get the timing right.

Mario and Koops started panting.

Mario: Okay... FUCK, THIS, SHIT! I'M ABOUT TO GIVE UP! KOOPS, YOU SUCK DICK AT TIMING. YOU SUCK DICK MORE THAN YOU SUCK DICK AT SUCKING YOUR OWN DICK!

Mario attempted to throw a rock at koops but it missed him.

Koops started to tear up a little as he thought deeply about that insult.

Koops: We... could just walk over to Hooktails castle on foot. I mean, walking can be fun right?

Mario: No! At this point, Its about the principle!

Koops: Oh sorry... I think its just that were still a little too high... But wait, I thought you decided to give up.

Mario: No! I know what I said.

Goombella: Can I MAKE a suggestion you 2?

Koops: Yeah?

Mario: What...

Goombella: Lets just try hitting it at the same time "without" the shell technique. I'll count to 3 this time alright?

Mario and Koops: Fine...

Goombella: Alright, 1, 2, 3!

They finally successfully hit the block switches at the same time which majically conjured a warp pipe that rose from the ground as predicted many times.

Koops: Hey, It worked! Why didn't I think of that?

Goombella: Cause you're a fucking moron dude. But that's okay, Mario's a fucking moron too.

Mario: You're a moron!

Goombella: Whatever, lets just go down the pipe already.

**Chapture 2 - 5: Dungeons and Dumbasses!**

At long last as if it didn't take almost 2/3rds of the fucking chapture, Mario, Goombella, and Koops I guess made it to the castle without walking through the hills like sensible people. I'm assuming that's what Koops' "Daddy" was smart enough to do.

They became stuck on a bridge with a ded end that might contain some redeeming way to get by.

Goombella: Oh Jesus! I never realized how huge this castle really is. Look at it.

The 3 got an overwhelming view of how big the castle was from close up.

Koops: Yeah. It really gives me an eerie feeling. For all of my life I've wanted to see what this castle was like and now i'm finally here. This is kind of freaky...

Goombella: Yeah... accept 1 problem, were at a ded fucking end!

Mario looked down at where they are standing on. He noticed it was a plane shrine like from what he saw when he and Goombella met Black Spirit after it gave him a curse, he knew what to do.

Mario: No we're not...Look what we're standing on.

They all looked down and noticed they were standing on a shrine.

Mario casually unbuttoned his overalls succeeding with his underwear falling down without any notifycation whatsoever.

Koops: Oh! Uhh... Are we all taking off our clothes or something?

Koops began to pull down his pants and underwear as well assuming it was part of Mario's plan to do that.

Goombella: NO KOOPS!

Koops: What?

Goombella: PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON YOU TWIT!

Koops: Aww man... Then why is Mario-

Goombella: Just watch... or dont. I'm not.

Mario repeated what he did from Chapture 1 - 8 where he wore only a shirt Porky Pig style where he began rubbing his ass on the shrine like a fucking dog. He soon successfully turned into a plane.

Koops: Whoa! Like, How'd he do that!?

Goombella: Apparently he got cursed and now when ever we see a platform with that shrine on it, he can turn into a plane...

Koops: Jeez Really!? Aww... I wish I was cursed...

Mario: Are you 2 getting on my back or not!?

Goombella: Oh right... fuck.

Goombella and Koops got on Mario as they flew over the bridge and entered the main body of Hooktail's castle. This is a strange story. The game I mean.

_**[Hooktail's Castle]**_

Along the way, Mario found another badge! The **Power Bounce** badge! 1 of the most useful badges you'll see Mario use in upcoming fights. Basically, he can jump on the same enemy multiple times in 1 turn. Each time gets a little harder than the next so he will eventually fuck this routine up many many times to come. You probably would have preferred dialog for that scene huh? Well hows that for good storytelling!?

As Mario and his strange friends kept adventuring, they entered a room where they spotted several piles of Koopa skeletons everywhere as if they all ate each other or some shit. I don't think Hooktail killed them exactly. I don't think that dragon can even fit in this particular room that they're in. Or maybe the Koopas struggled to get through. So they decided to starve to deth or something like that. WHO KNOWS! Anyhoo, like many places they've entered in this series, this 1 also smells terrible, for fuck sakes, there in a room full of ded koopa corpses. This room obviously smells like nothing but ancient rotting flesh, and anciently voided bowls.

Goombella: OH MY MIYAMOTO! IT SMELLS IN HERE! Mario, you got the clothes pins!?

Mario: Got em' right here.

Mario and Goombella applied the clothespins on their noses.

Koops: Hey, don't I get 1?

Mario: Yeah... sorry, I really only have 2.

Koops: Fine! I can handle it! My room smells like farts and dick smear anyway!

Mario: Good for you.

Koops begin to notice a Koopa Korpse wearing a pair of blue shoes. This might actually be Koops' father.

Koops: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

Goombella: What?

Koops: OH NOOOOO! NO WAAAAAAYYYY!

Koops ran towards the corpse with the blue sneakers.

Koops: Oh my god! Its daddy! I recognize those bones anywhere!

Goombella: ... How?

Koops: I can't believe it! MY DADDY is DED!11

Koops began to cry like a toddler who lost his toy lawn mower from his crib.

Koops: DADDY'S DED EVERYONE! OOOH MY GOOOODDDD! BLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!111

Koops barfed all over the floor.

Mario: Wait... Didn't we know that already...?

Koops began to start crying like a son who just found out his dad died. In other words, he cried like a bitch!

Koops: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Mario and Goombella walked up to Koops trying to calm his ass down.

Mario: What the hell is with and you saying "daddy?" Seriously I mean, how old are you?

Koops: Sniff sniff... Uhh... 18?

Mario: Okay. You're 18. What the hell kind of 18 year old calls his dad "daddy?" Seriously! I want to know. I would say a pussy, but even that would be an understatement.

Goombella: Ehh... Cut him a break Mario. He just saw his dad's corpse.

Mario: Well, I'm sorry, all of this is really just... really gay! And boring too.

Goombella: Don't you have a dad?

Mario: MY DAD WAS A FUCKING STORK! IT ALSO SUBSTITUTED AS MY FUCKING MOM TOO! Haven't you played Yoshi's Island!?

Goombella: Yeah, but I thought storks delivered babies.

Mario: ITS COMPLICATED! Shut up! I don't want to talk about it.

Koops: Hey wait? There's a letter molded in it's flesh. Should I read it?

Mario: Sure... Why the fuck not.

Koops began to read the letter.

"My mission to destroy the foul beast has become a failure. But I tripped and broke my leg on the way to fight it and now I can't fucking move. Not that I can not not go no not further. So, basicly, I heard that Hookertail has PTSD over crickets and the sound that they make. They make the dragon weaker. Thats his 1 weakness. That, and 10 bags of fireweed, and stronger power levels. But If you no have theez, you're fucked. So finda the badge that makes dat noise so you can murder-fuck it. Before I ded, I wanna tell you my son, I hate you, I fucking hate you. You should have been a cum shot inside a fucking condom that I would poorly discard in the trash. You are the worst piece of shit and you give this whole planet a bad name just by your existence. I am proud to tell you that you should go kill yourself if you haven't already. Kill yourself. I'm ashamed to call you my son; Kolarado. Serious, go kill yourself."

Koops: Wait... Kolorado!? Does that mean daddy forgot my name!?

Mario: No. Thats not your dad. Thats... nevermind...

Koops: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh... Ummm... Yeah. Thats good. So maybe daddy's still alive. Yeah, I don't know why I imagined him with blue shoes anyway.

Mario: I highly doubt that.

Koops: Wait, so maybe daddy's corpse is lying around here somewhere!

Goombella: Koops, shut the hell up. You're confusing me. Is he alive or ded?

Koops looked around and saw a pinkish reddish skeleton guarding the doorway.

Koops: Maybe that's daddy! Now that I think about it, daddy definitely had a pink skeleton!

Goombella: Mario, I think the aroma of the ded bodies is making Koops lose his mind.

Mario: I think he's always just like this...

Goombella: Yeah true that…

Koops began to shake the corpse franticly.

Koops: Hey! Daddy! Wake up! Hehe... Look at me!

The corpses eyes began to glow and soon trembled in pure rage in response to the eccentric shaking.

Red Bones (Age 292): STOP! FUCKING! SHAKING ME!

Goombella: IT'S ALIVE!?

Red Bones: You all clearly have no value for the ded if you all are shaking corpses and reading letters and throwing up everywhere! Now you all will know what it's like to be ded!

1000 dry bones' rose up like zombies. The entire room suddenly become cluttered with them. There were even some massive piles of them stacked on each other struggling to move. It was looking like fucking China!

They all began to attack the trio very poorly. Although the 3 were getting knocked around everywhere as if they were at a Slayer mosh pit. Those things are fucking crazy.

Red Bones: You will all die!

Mario: THIS IS SO INEFFECTIVE!

A bunch of skeletons grabbed a hold of Koops as they were planning on doing who knows what with him.

Koops: AHHH! Guys help! They got me! THEY GOT ME! THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME!

Mario: Stop giving them ideas!

Goombella: Wait! Lets go for the leader! The red skeleton!

Mario: But where is he?

Mario and Goombella saw Red Bones simply taking a smoke break off on some clear corner.

Mario: THERE HE IS! GET HIM!

Mario and Goombella struggled to reach Red Bones but soon triumphed by slamming a shit ton of skeleton zombies out of the way.

Mario immediately whacked with red skeleton koopa thing with his hammer! Mario made a hammertime joke.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

_Battle Music: Angel of Death, by Slayer. I have to. I mentioned Slayer and I'm not looking back. Or did I?_

Mario uses hammer smash: [1 Damage]

Mario: Power Level 28/30

Goombella: Power Level 16/18

FP: 5/5

V.S.

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Red Bones: Power Level 15/19

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Mario: You look like a gay anorexic homeless man that took enough meth to turn pink! I bet you can't even suck dick for it cause no 1 wants a blow job with that much teeth!

Red Bones: KILL HIM!1

Goombella: Hey! It's still our turn asshole!

Goombella used tattle on Red Bones: This is Red Bones. he is so fugly. But he is a little stronger than the normal Dull Bones. He has a power level of 19. Thats stronger than me! Even if its HP drops to 0, it can come back to life. So... finish it last.

Mario: My tattles are better.

Goombella: No, they're just more offensive thats all...

Mario uses multibounce with no effective results.

Goombella: I almost forgot, they all have a defense of 1. So use your hammer.

Mario: I got a better idea next turn.

Dull bones 1 uses bone throw on Goombella: [2 Damage]

Goombella: FUCK! That hurt more than I thought it would!

Mario: Ha! You got boned!

Goombella: Shut up.

Dull bones 2 uses triple mini-bone throw on Goombella: [2 Damage] Goombella deflected 1 of them.

Red Bones throws his bone at Mario: [3 Damage]

Mario: Fuck! that does hurt!

Dull Bones 3 uses bone throw on Mario: [2 Damage]

Dull Bones 4: uses bone throw at Mario : [Countered]

Goombella uses tattle on Dull Bones: This is called a Dull Bones. Not Dry Bones apparently. They have a power level of 3 and they don't respawn when you kill them they're so weak.

Mario: Hmm... Should I roll a bone like in that Rush album, or should I use the POW block? Oh Screw it. POW BLOCK!

Mario uses POW Block with no negative repercussions other than killing of all 1000 of the Dull Bones in the room: [2 Damage]

The Red Bones Remains.

Red Bones rebuilds a Dull Bones from the ground up.

Koops: Hey guys!

Mario: Holy shit! You're not ded! ... again.

Koops: Yeah! I was doing pretty well fighting them off too. Thanks for that POW Block move though! It really saved my ass!

Mario: Sure. You want in on this?

Koops: Sure!

Goombella switched with Koops.

Koops: Power Level 27/30

Mario: Wait, we can't all 3 fight at 1ce?

Goombella: Apparently we can't...

Mario: THAT SUCKS!

Mario uses Hammer killing the dull bones that was just created.

Red Bones throws a boner bone at Koops: [2 Damage]

Mario: How did that hurt him less!?

Goombella: He has a shell which boosts his defense. That's the reason why his power level is 30 and not 20.

Mario: Oh right.

Koops uses bowling ball shell attack on Red bones: [1 Damage]

Mario uses Power Smash delivering a skull crushing blow directly at Red Bone's skull: [3 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario: Wait... so isn't that Red Bone thing gonna respawn soon?

Goombella: Nah. Thats only in the battle mode.

Mario: But wait, can't he still just respawn?

Goombella: Don't think too hard about this.

Goombella: Yeah Koops. Nice job. With that extra defense under your belt, you really can make a great human shield!

Goombella: Wait, Koops, what are you doing?

Koops was spacing out while he looking through shit on his phone.

Koops: I'm just checking facebook.

Goombella: Wait, we almost died and the first thing you think about is checking your facebook!? What the fuck is wrong with you!?

Koops: What? Oh no. I'm checking Koopie Koo's facebook. So her relationship status hasn't changed... phew! Well thats good. She recently uploaded this selfie with her and this other Koopa she's friends with. Hes like the famous hide and seek expert of Petalburg. It seems like they've been hanging out alot lately... I hope shes not like, cheating on me.

Goombella: Like, she TOTALLY is!

Mario: Like, this is TOTALLY BORING! LETS GO ALREADY!

Mario Goombella and Koops proceeded onwards in the castle. After a few useless tedious puzzles where they all kept screaming at each other except for Koops who usually just got screamed at it seems, they stumbled on a room with an Ancient Black Chest similar to 1 that they saw earlier. Mario totally won't get cursed again... Oops. I didn't gave anything away did I?

Mario: Oh heeellll no!

Koops: What?

Mario: That box over there, there's a black spirit in that box that's gonna curse me. Thats how I got the airplane ability curse.

Koops: Really?

Mario got all sarcastic all the sudden.

Mario: No...

Koops: Oh okay.

Goombella: Well I think we'll be fine. I don't think there's anything in there this time.

A soft spoken voice began to speak in a soothing male gender like tone.

Black Chest Voice (Age 1040): Oh oh oh wait what? Oh... my dearest apologies.

Mario: YOU WERE SAYING GOOMBELLA!?

Black Chest Voice: What's the matter? Why you fright so?

Goombella: Your not gonna curse us are you?

Black Chest Voice: Oh heavens to murgatroyd, you must have partaken in the confusion of myself being acquainted with a potential doppelganger of mine. I mean you no harm...

Goombella: Well thats good. You seem mmm much more pleasant than the last trapped box spirit we faced.

Koops started to space out as he began to obsessively checking Koopie Koo's facebook for any updates along with disproportionate hentai of Lisa Simpson naked and pregnant.

Mario: Okay, so the fucks your deal?

Black Chest Voice: Well you see kind sir, I have been trapped in this small square like structure for what may possibly seem like a millennium by now. You are the first voices I have heard or talked to since I was placed in this visually absent space. Is it possible that you 2 are legendary heroes.

Goombella: Were really not.

Mario: Yeah. Were The M Team bitch!

Goombella: Mario, buy a dictionary, and look up "social," and "filter."

Mario: Well obviously, this poor soul wants out of the box. It might as well know our team name if we're gonna do that.

Black Chest Voice: Wait, You mean you will partake in an act of kindness that enables an exit from this vicinity?

Mario: Well, we're not really doing this to help you. Were just lost and I'm kind of assuming that freeing you will help us. If we weren't lost in this castle, we'd probably just ignore you.

Black Chest Voice: Oh that is of most wonderful news! So wonderful indeed! Thank you ever so kindly!

Mario: Just quit the kiss ass act already...

Goombella: So wait, so your box looks like you need a key to open it, do you know where is it.

Black Chest Voice: I may have a slight clue, but my memory is yet so vivid. Perhaps it may be wondering in a room next to us.

Mario: Oh, so its like the last key? Alright. Easy! Sweet! 1 key for your ass coming up!

Goombella: Alright Koops, come on, were gonna find a key.

Goombella walked over at Koops and accidently saw something on his phone she would very much regret to see.

Goombella: AHH KOOPS! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Goombella shut her eyes as closed as possible and looked away on instinct.

Koops: What? its just Simpsons fanart. Look. See? It's Marge Simpson squatting over taking a dump on a full grown adult version of Bart Simpson. Basically, she's pooping all over his genitals. Heh. Imagine trying to get all of that out of your pubic hair right?

Goombella: AWW SICK! That's the grossest shit I've ever heard! I can't believe you're looking that shit up in an ancient castle let alone you doing that on your down time.

Mario: Its not so bad. I've done worse. Look up "Mario Hentai." Some of that is actually based on fact. I have alot of stalker fans.

Koops: Oh i've seen some of that. I like the 1 where you were fucking Amy Rose.

Mario: I'm gonna punch you so hard, you'll have 2 lazy eyes.

Koops: Sorry...

Mario: Whatever. Fuck you.

The 3 of them took the door to their right and entered a room of what may seem like a trap. There seemed to be a treasure chest stranded in the middle of the room.

Mario: See look gaywads! Its right here.

Goombella: I don't know, I see alot of holes in this room that look like they're waiting for something to happen.

Koops: Yeah. I'm kind of scared. My intuition is kicking in.

Mario: Intuition is for pussies! We got a key to obtain!

Mario opens the chest and grabs the key like a mindless retard with his head cut off. Guess what friggin happens? Spikes! Spike came out all of the holes in the room. Luckily no 1 got stabbed. Koops almost got stabbed though. the spikes also formed a maze so maybe they'll have a chance to escape. But they have to hurry cause the ceiling full of spikes is closing in on them. That is so fucking brutally literally metal!

Mario: shhhhhhittt...

Goombella: MARIO YOU ASSHOLE! NOW WERE GONNA DIE BECAUSE OF YOU!

Mario: Yeah no kidding... I can't even think of a better deth than this right now.

Goombella: OH! WHY COULDN'T WE JUST CARRY THE CHEST IN THE OTHER ROOM AND THEN OPEN IT! NOW WERE GONNA BE FUCKING CRUSHED TO DETH!

Mario: But wouldn't doing that be cheating?

Goombella: WHY ARE YOU JOKING!?

Goombella started smacking Mario repetitively.

Koops began to look around and started to notice a way out. Hows that for intuition!?

Koops: GUYS! I think I just figured out a way out of here!

Goombella: What really!? Well lets go then!

Koops: Yeah! Mario, grab the key and come on!

The 3 morons quickly escaped from the treacherous trap where they almost met their deth but escaped just in time before the ceiling closed in on them. They started panting alot afterwards.

Goombella: Phew! That was close!

Mario: Yeah! Koops, why didn't you let us know sooner that that shit was a maze!?

Koops: Well you know, it's nothing... Thanks guys.

Koops pulled out his phone to check Koopie Koo's facebook again.

Koops: Oh good. I'm still in a relationship with her.

Goombella: How often do you check your facebook dude?

Koops tuned her out as he tends to get in the zone when he checks Koopie Koo's facebook.

Goombella: Your so fucking weird.

Black Chest Voice: Hello? I hear your voices again! You all must have retrieve the key from the trap room I presume?

Goombella: Wait, YOU KNEW THAT THERE WAS A TRAP ROOM!?

Black Chest Voice: Oh, well 1000 pardons. You see, I have a perfectly reasonable excuse... I forgot!

Goombella: ... You forgot...

Goombella: You forgot there was a fucking trap that could have gave us THAT gruesome of a deth...

Black Chest Voice: You have the key right?

Mario: Yeah just 1 second.

Mario struggled to pull the black key out of his own ass. Don't ask me what compelled him to put it in there.

Goombella: When did you have time to shove a key up your ass!?

Mario: When I suppress my fear, I do eccentric things I don't realize im doing them at the time.

Goombella: Ehhww.. It smells.

Mario: Well why do you think!?

Mario opened the ancient chest of a somewhat living thing trapped inside it. Do you want me to explain to you what happens?

Black Spirit II: UH-OH! LOOKS LIKE WE GOT SOME DUMB ASS BITCHES UP IN HERE NIGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!1

Mario: OH GOD DAMNIT!

Goombella: NOT AGAIN!

Koops: Whats whats going on. I just put my phone away.

The Black Spirit came out of the blue and isolated Mario in a background of nothing but DARKNESS! It looked exactly like last time. The background music is _Shame On A Nigga by Wu Tang_ _Clan_

Black Spirit II: OH MAN NIGGA! WHY YOU GOTTA BE THE DUMMEST ASS BITCH ALL AWW TIME!? YOU THOUGHT THAT I WAS A CLASS ASS WHITE NIGGA HUH? AH MAN NIGGA, THAT SHIT BACK THERE EARLIER, THAT SHIT WAS DESIGNED TO SHANK n' CRUSH YO ASS! IF I HAD ARMS AND LEGS BITCH, ID JUMP YO WHITE ASS SO HARD, YO HALF NIGGA GRAND KIDS WILL BE RENDERED INFERTILE! SO YOU KNOW WHAT? KNOW WHAT? Guess what imma do instead. I'm gonna curse yo ass. Thats right nigga. I'M CURSIN' YO ASS! No charge be included. This shit will be freer than the first time I sell a nigga crack! OGGITYOGGITYBOO BIATCH!

Mario: What's the curse? Am I jizzing jewelry or something?

Black Spirit II: OH WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! Just cause you said that, I was gonna make you lactate some of that mercury shit. Thats right! Motha Fuckin Hg! Number 80 on the periodic table BITCH! YE IM EDUCATED! WHAT!? HUH? WHAT YOU GON' DO BOUT DAT BITCH!

Black Spirit II: So now, I gotta give you another curse up yo ass.

Mario: Oh no...not that... anything but that.

Black Spirit II: AIGHT AIGHT, So, you know how yo fat, right? Well get this shit, since yo fat, yo ass got some of em' tig ol' man bitties! So get this. Get this. When you press dem tig ol' bitties together, you'll start sweating alot and shit. You've seen em Gatorade commercials right!? Only that ain't some normal sweat, that shit is straight up bacon grease nigga!

Black Spirit II: So, to sum dat shit up, press dem tittes together, and yo ass be sweating bacon grease. Oh ya, press dem titties hard!

Mario: Heh... cool.

Black Spirit II: HAHHAH YEEE... Yo ass is gon' be embarrassed and all them bitches are gon' be callin you "jive ass turkey!" YOU LIKE THAT!? HUH? "JIVE ASS TURKEY!" "JIVE ASS TURKEY!" Well, anyway, I gotta flah. I'mma spend the rest of mah existence floating around in some Grape Flavored Kool-Aid at a factory! PEACE BIAAAAAAAAAAATCH!

Black Spirit II flew away for good. The background turned completely normal and Mario was left with another curse. At least with this 1, he can do that anywhere. I wonder when he'll need to do that shit next?

Koops and Goombella ran towards him in hopes that he was alright.

Koops: Mario! Are you alright? You're not gonna die are you?

Mario: No I'm good. I just a little bit of the big C. Thats all.

Koops: Cancer!?

Mario: Cursed Koops! "Cursed!" You don't pay attention do you.

Goombella: Mario, you're quite 1 to talk personally.

Mario True that. True that.

Goombella: So what kind of curse did you get this time?

Mario: Uhh... Apparently when I press my chest together tight enough, I can sweat bacon grease…

Goombella and Koops started laughing hysterically at Mario cause of his shitty ass curse.

Mario: OH YEAH, well you know what? since I can do that, I don't need to buy lubricate anymore. I can just use my curse for sex now!

Goombella and Koops paused for a few seconds, then continued to laugh some more.

Mario walked towards Goombella and Koops and slammed their skulls together.

Koops: OWW! Hey! She had a helmet on! And you just bashed me in the eye with her flashlight piece! OUCH!

Mario: Lets go bitches.

Goombella: We sure say "Lets go" a lot when we transition to another scene.

Koops: More like, "LETS-A GO!" Am I right Mario?

Mario ran back at Koops and started strangling him right before the scene changed!

The strange gang of 3 continued to proceed onward to various rooms and various puzzles that are more visual humor than anything else. Infact, some of these puzzles even involve Mario greasing his way through tight spaces with his new curse. So we will not be showing every little detail. I apologize if that hurts you. They did find some golden metal glowing sun shaped stones called "Shine Sprites" if that means anything to you. If you ask me, I think Mario's planning on pawning them for sex and drugs.

Uhh... Heres a useless filler fight scene! Enjoy!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 18/30

Goombella: Power Level 9/18

Koops: Power Level 24/30

FP: 1/5

V.S.

Dull Bones: 3

Spiny Goomba: 4

Koopa: Power Level 12

Mario uses double jump on Koopa: [1 Damage]

Koops uses super shell slam on Dull Bones blasting all of his pieces all over every side of the room re-killing him: [1 Damage]

Spiny Goomba uses jump while wearing spiky helmet on Koops knocking him down for a turn: [1 Damage]

Mario: HAHA! You dumbass!

The other Koopa struggles to get up as well.

Mario uses hammer blast on Spiny Goomba blasting his organs everywhere: [2 Damage]

Koops struggles to get up costing him his turn.

Mario: I should have used Goombella for this 1.

Koopa gets back up.

Mario: Not if I can help it!

Mario uses another double jump on Koopa disabling him on the ground again!

Koops gets back up.

Koops: Hey what did I miss?

Mario: the whole fucking fight.

Koops: Thats cool. I'm gonna check Koopie's facebooks again.

Mario: Put your fucking phone down! Were in [BATTLE MODE]!

Mario uses a finishing blow on Koopa slamming his hammer on his stomach like a BOSS! Oh yeah. That stopped the Koopa's heart in a devastating fashion!

Mario leveled up.

Mario: I'm leveling up my FP this time!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Koops: Hey Goombella? So I uhh... noticed you didn't do a tattle log this time.

Goombella: Well I already have all of those characters logged already.

Koops: Thats cool. I see you like books. I like the kind that show what's going on!

Goombella: You mean like Dr. Seuss...?

Koops: Well yeah. I mostly talking about comic books... You know what comic books are Goombella?

Goombella: Well yeah. Duh.

Koops: Ohh... I'll shut up now... Hey do look like a douchebag in this selfie?

Koops began to hold up his phone showing a selfie of himself in the bathroom trying really hard to do an edgy pose with sunglasses, shirtless, and a peace sign with crude marker tattoos and a retarded duckface.

Goombella:... Why yes! Yes you do!

Mario: The hell are you 2 talking about?

Goombella: Nothing.

Koops: Facebook.

Mario opened the door where he found a room full of treasure along with a white ball shaped female mouse thing with red high heels and a red raccoon like mask covering her eyes. Apparently, she's supposed to be a sexy ninja or some shit. Apparently, Nintendo finds mice sexy.

Ms. Mowz (Age 25): Well my oh my! Who are these sexy gentlemen and fine lady we have here?

Koops: Uhhhh... Hi? Are you an enemy of ours?

Mario: Koops, I'll handle this...

Mario: Who the fuck are you?

Ms. Mowz: Who mii? Teehee. Why, I'm Ms. Mowz you pretty piece of parmesan! the SEXIEST thief that models and steals things around the world! I'm kind of a big deal you know...

Goombella: Uhh... yeah are you a fucking stripper or something...?

Ms. Mowz: So you 3 never heard of me sweet swiss?

Goombella: …..What?

Ms. Mowz: See, I hear these rumors of treasure. Rare treasure! Like, badges and stuff! Rare and valuable badges here in this castle!

Koops: Whoa... So who makes these badges anyway?

Ms. Mowz: No 1 knows my cheesy cheddar...

Koops started to blush a lot.

Ms. Mowz: That's why i'm here in this castle silly. Say! Why are you all here? This castle is kind of dangerous you know. And I don't wanna see any of your balfour booties get hurt by some dragon.

Ms. Mowz: Especially not you my sexy hunk of cheese.

Ms. Mowz began to direct her attention towards Mario.

Mario: Ooh... I'll show you a hunk of cheese alright!

Mario dropped his pants and underwear as he flashed her his genitals and misread Ms Mowz signals like a horny freshmen.

Mario: Wanna take a nibble?

I could make a beastiality joke but I wont.

Goombella: MARIO! Why do I have to keep telling people to put their pants back on!?

Mario: Whatever…

Mario put his overalls back on in disappointment.

Koops: Umm, well...

Mario: Were here for 1 of the 7 dedly stars. So yeah. Don't touch it or I'll fucking kill you. I'll eat you alive while I wear a cat suit and eat you. And believe me, it won't be cute like a Tom and Jerry episode either. It will be gruesome, and gory. Even too gory for this parody! Also, Hookertail has it.

Koops: Yeah! So were not letting you get to it first no manner how ... hot you are!

Ms. Mowz: So theres a dedly star you say? Well, sounds like I just learned something I probably shouldn't have you Foolish Ficaccios!

Koops: Ah geez...

Goombella: Okay seriously, what's with the cheese jokes? Seriously. Last time I checked, cheese isn't sexy. And stop the slutty shit too! Its gross! I bet you're cheese puns are even cheesier than your yeast infection!

Mario: Nice 1 Goombella!

Goombella: Thank you.

Koops: Yeah! You're such a hoe, I can't tell the difference between you and a hose!

Goombella: Unfunny... Painfully unfunny dude.

Koops: Sorry...

Ms. Mowz: Jeez guys... I was gonna say. Its all yours, I was just in here for some treasure but damn! You guys are messed up...

Koops: NO WAIT! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I was trying to be funny! You can have the star they were talking about! I'm just here for daddy!

Mario and Goombella: KOOPS!

Koops: Oh sorry.

Ms. Mowz: Whatever, I'm leaving. In the mean time, this is for you my mustached mostaccioli!

Mario: Who me?

Ms. Mowz grabbed Mario by the back of his head and started french kissing him ferociously for about 10 seconds.

Goombella: OKAY! You need to leave slut! Now!

Ms. Mowz: Fine... tata for now my Lovely Labnehs!

Ms. Mowz jumps out the window somehow not leading to a fatal fall due to her ninja skills! Are you Naruto fans enjoying this parody yet?

Koops: Damn Mario! She like, raped you man! You sure got a way with the ladies! My gf was even gonna fuck you.

Mario: Yeah. For me, chicks are pretty easy. I don't know what is. I'm like, the grossest person in this entire universe! Also I stole a **cricket badge **from her**.**

Goombella: Oh please... she's a fucking slut that's trying to be slutty for the sake of being slutty... What's that skank's deal? Like seriously?

Mario: I'm starting to think you just hate every female ever...

Koops: Yeah. What's up with that anyway?

Goombella: Not true. None of that is true. So far, we only have 2 examples. Koope Koo who is clearly a bitch, and Ms. Mowz who is an obvious slut.

Koops: Well, we don't know if ...Ms. Mowz is even really a slut...

Goombella: Im sorry, did you not see here smootch Mario like a friggin animal just there!?

Mario: I did. It was hot. She had mouse breath, but still...

Koops: Well... I think she's pretty neat... Her story must be filled with wonder. Filled with romance. I wish we could have gotten to know her more?

Goombella: Are we ready to go and fight Hooktail or what?

A few minor undescribed castle puzzles later, the M team made it to top of the castle and about to be walking up the tower containing Hooktail ready to fight them.

When they all gazed upon the tower, they noticed that the architecture was structured much more stable than what was previously perceived on the map and background of Petal Meadows.

Mario: Wow! This design looks a lot different than what was on the map and from far away! Shit!

Mario: Alright Koops.

Koops: Yeah?

Mario: You're not on facebook right now are you?

Koops: No why?

Mario: Good. Now what I want you to do, is go on YouTube, and play "Holy Diver by Dio."

Koops: Uhh... sure. Why?

Mario: Cause, we're about to fight a giant fucking dragon. And I need 1 of the most epic fucking songs in history to prep me for this battle.

Koops: Oh okay.

Mario: And don't question Dio! He was amazing!

Mario and his pals began marching towards Hooktail's tower as they played _Holy Diver by Dio._

Koops: Hey Goombella?

Goombella: Yeah?

Koops: Uhh... You took an Art History class right?

Goombella: What about it?

Koops: Does it say who exactly made this castle? Cause I don't think a dragon would make a good carpenter/ architect am I right? Heh heh...

Goombella: Yeah. I don't know. I was kind of thinking some dragon worshiping reptilian nut jobs must have made it.

Koops: Yeah. Its really weird though... Not as weird as masterbating with your right hand when you're left handed.

Goombella: Uhhh... whatever?

Koops: Yeah cause you see, thats what I do! Cause I'm, you know...I'm left handed and stuff.

Goombella: Okay. You just lost your privileges to talk to me.

Koops: Aww man...

Mario: Alright! Were here! Now some of you might not survive... Koops. But just make sure you all kick ass harder than any of you peeps have ever kicked ass before! Got it!?

Goombella and Koops: YEAH!

Mario: Now lets kick his ass!

**Chapture 2 - 6: How to Drain Your Dragon! (A childhood crushing porn parody awaits)**

Mario and friends at long last encountered the room containing the Dragon in the flesh ferociously staring at them giving off a aminus stare creepier than the 1 Jack Nicholson did from the Shining.

Hooktail: WHO DARES APPROACH ME?

Koops freaked out as he hid in his shell for dear life.

Mario: Oh god! Already with the high and mighty crap are we? Yeah, We're here to MURDER-FUCK you Hookertail!

Hooktail: EXCUSE ME? DID YOU JUST CALL ME "HOOKERTAIL!?" THAT NAME IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING! I SEE YOU HAVE A DETH WISH SINCE YOU CHOOSE TO MOCK ME SO!

Mario: Well you are a fucking Hookertail! You fucking fly around and eat out Koopa Dick for cheap! Hell, you fucking fly over there yourself! MMMMMM. You must really want the dick do you gay fucking dragon!

Goombella: Will you stop taunting him Mario!

Hooktail: RAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRR! I'M A FUCKING WOMAN DRAGON!

Mario: Oh shit, it was a "she!" Ha! Well the Dragon from Shrek is far prettier than you! Either way, we're kicking your giant red ass till you hand over the dedly star! Were all gonna rape you you hear me!?

Goombella: Mario! Don't say "rape!" She's still a female.

Mario: YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT ME NOT BEING OFFENSIVE AT A TIME LIKE THIS!? She's also a giant fucking dragon that practically slaughtered Koops' village!

Goombella: ... Fuck. You're actually right.

Hooktail: SILENCE! YOU 3 THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME!? OVER SOME TREASURE !? A FOOLISH DECISION INDEED I MUST SAY!

Mario: Oh yeah!? Well my whole fucking existence is foolish! But not as foolish as my foot in your ass Hookertail!

Hooktail: OH PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! YOU REALLY THINK YOU TASTY MORSELS HAVE A CHANCE AGAINST THE LIKES OF ME!? WELL, PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF HOOKEr- I MEAN, HOOKTAIL!

Mario: You ready to kick some Dragon ass Goombella? And umm... Koops?

Koops continued to hide in his shell like a fucking bitch.

Koops: I'll join later!

Mario: Pussy, Goombella?

Goombella: Ya! Ready when you are!

**[EPIC FUCKING BATTLE MODE!]**

_Battle Music: Night Crawler by Judas Priest_

Mario: Power Level 30

Mario: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

FP: 10

VERSUS

Hooktail: Power Level 105 (first triple digit pl of this series so far!)

Mario: Before we start, I would like to happily inform you with this. You look like a rejected hideous fucking Barney character from some cheesy cartoon version of hell. You must have tried cutting yourself when you found out that you were too fat and ugly to be a cheap groupie for Ancalagon the Black!

Mario deeply offended Hooktail with his trademark insult tactic.

HOOKTAIL: RWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa! YOU, I'M NOT EVEN GONNA EAT! I'M GONNA CHEW YOU UP AND CRUSH YOUR REMAINS AND BURN THEM TILL YOU'RE NOTHING!

Mario: Thats very cute Hookertail! Now are you gonna fight me or cry and bitch all day?

Mario uses regular hammer attack: [1 Damage]

Goombella uses mighty book of knowledge: This is Hooktail. A giant dragon that can attack by biting, stomping, and breathing breath of fire and stank! She hates the sound of crickets. We already knew that… Oh yeah, and has a power level of OVER 100! 105 to be exact.

Goombella: Shit, do you think we even have a chance?

Mario: Of course we do! Just who the hell do you think we are!? WERE THE M TEAM! FOR MOTHER FUCKERS! And were kick that serpent's-

Hooktail uses stomp on Mario: [5 Damage]

Mario: SHIT! THAT FUCKING HURT!

Goombella: Holy fuck yeah it did! Wait, you still have that cricket badge?

Mario: ... I forgot to apply it

Goombella: So, do it now!

Mario: I can't. Battle mode just started and I can't go back to it.

Goombella: ... Great... were fucked now. We're actually fffFUCKED!

Mario: Oh please... We have way more tricks up our sleeves that we haven't used yet.

Mario uses Powerful Hammer Smash of Deth!: [3 Damage]

Goombella: Nice 1! Maybe we do have a chance after all!

Mario: Just shut up and smoke this fire weed.

Goombella: Alright then!

Mario hands Goombella a joint of fireweed.

Goombella smokes a joint of fire weed blowing the smoke like fire at Hooktail: [3 Damage]

Hooktail uses bite on Goombella: [5 Damage]

Hooktail: MMMM YOU'LL BE SCRUMPTIOUSLY DELICIOUS WHEN I SWALLOW YOU WHOLE!

Goombella: AAAAHHH FUCK! How did that not kill me! I don't even know how to counter something that big!

A random cricket started hopping around chirping for every turn making Hooktail disturbed and nauseous

Hooktail: Is that a... CRICKET!? WHAT'S IT DOING IN HERE DURING THE DAY!? I CAN'T EVEN TRACE WHERE IT'S COMING FROM! IF 1 OF YOU CAN, GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT KILLS ME!

Goombella: Nice try Hookertail! But were taking this battle to the end even if we need to use some good luck along the way!

Mario: Yeah! So you can kiss my ass Bitch-Tail!

Hooktail: RRRRR...

Mario uses the power smash attack on Hooktail: [4 Damage]

Mario: Yeah! Suck on that!

Mario bent down in front of Hooktail as he mooned her by exposing his own ass .

Goombella smokes some more fire weed and blows more fire at Hooktail: [3 Damage]

Goombella: Ha! I can breath fire too! Maybe I'm a better dragon than you bitch!

Hooktail: I'LL SHOW YOU FUCKING FIRE!

Hooktail uses flamethrower on Mario and Goombella: [3 Damage All]

The random cricket in the background continued to chirp weakening Hooktail's power level further and further.

Hooktail: AEERR! THAT CRICKET HAS BAD MEMORIES! IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY TO KILL IT!

Goombella: *panting* Mario, I don't I can take much more of this... I'm too high to fight right now, and I feel like if I get 1 more time i'm ded.

Mario: What!? No! Don't say that! You'll make it!

Goombella: Mario. You need to switch me in for Koops… I'm sorry...

Mario: Shit. We ehh... really don't have a choice now do we... fine.

Mario: KOOPS! STOP BEING A PUSSY IN YOUR SHELL AND GET YOUR RETARDED ASS OVER HERE BEFORE I START THROWING YOU AT HOOKTAIL!

Koops: But Mario! I'm afraid! She's killed so many of us… I don't think i'm strong enough anymore…

Mario: KOOPS! You're the only 1 with full health! If you hesitate now, we all might be FUCKED! YOU UNDERSTAND!?

Koops: Ehh… I don't really have a choice do I? Well alright… I'll do my best...

Mario successfully got Koops to fight as he was still a little hesitant about it. He shakingly walked towards Mario.

Koops: Gosh golly, I... I just don't know if I'm strong enough. I mean, he.. I mean, she killed my daddy after all.

Mario: Just shut up, stop the "daddy" bullshit, and help me kill this fucking thing!

Koops: Yes sir!

Goombella switched with Koops.

Mario uses power bounce. That jump where he can jump on the same opponent multiple times before fucking up: [6 Damage]

Hooktail started complaining and moaning as she was almost ded from the viscous attacks.

Hooktail: Okay okay! Stop! I Give up! You win. Apparently, this ol' Dragon cannot drag on no longer... That's why I'll be a good dragon from now on!

Mario: Yeah... Thats bullshit... you're just saying that cause you know you're about to get murder-fucked!

Goombella: YEAH! HOOKERTA- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella puked.

Mario: Goombella! Now's not the time to be throwing up again!

Goombella: Sorry, liek, I totally smokes way too much fire weed. I feel like a have a green fevor.

Hooktail: NO! FOR REALZEEZ! Look, is there anyway I can prove it!

Mario: Yes. Hand over the dedly star.

Hooktail: The Star of **Wrath** you say? Hmm... How about I give you 10 coins instead!

Mario: ... Yeah, no thats a fucking rip off...

Hooktail: Hey! That was alot back in my early days!

Koops: You have all this treasure and you'd only give 10 coins!? Sorry, but you killed daddy! Even all the coins in the world won't bring him back!

Hooktail: FINE! How does a rare special ed badge sound?

Mario: I smell the bullshit in that!

Hooktail: K... You wanna buy some ketamine... This some really good ketamine. Its ancient too! Some say that it's high will never wear off. How does that sound?

Mario: ... Well OKAY!

Koops: Mario! NO! He... shes lying!

Mario: Shut up Koops! I know what I'm doing!

Goombella: Mario! That kind of ketamine doesn't even exist! Im high as fuck and I know that!

Mario: Damn. I guess you're right.

Hooktail: Hmm... You don't want to get high? hmm... Wanna fuck then? Free from charge!?

Mario: I was gonna do that to you anyway... When I kill you!

Hooktail: But wait? You like feet right?

Mario: Go on...

Hooktail: Ahhh... I can sense your foot fetishing ways hero. Some say that my feet has the most arousing smell that you can possibly imagine. It can even make you feel somewhat of a life long climax! Does that interest you?

Mario: Okay, you got me that, I would love you smell your feet, I may even do a little more to your feet too.

Koops: NO MARIO! SHE KNOWS YOU'RE EASILY TEMPTED TO DO THINGS!

Mario: ...

Mario ignored Koops.

Koops: Hooktail! At long last, you are finally done for! Your days will soon come to an end as we finally avenge daddy and my lego collection you destroyed!

Mario continued to ignore Hooktail as he began making out with and dry humping her foot.

Hooktail: YOU FOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL!

Hooktail bit off Mario's left arm: [3 Damage]

Mario: AHH FUCK ME ARM! IT BURNS AND I CAN'T FEEL IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Hooktail gains 10 HP. Don't ask how that's scientifically possible.

_Next Battle Music: Deadly Sinners by 3 Inches of Blood_

Hooktail: HAHAHAHAHAA! MY STRENGTH HAS RETURNED TO ME! AND YOU ALL ARE WEAKENED, AND DONE FOR!

Koops: Well IM STILL HERE YOU BITCH! Mario! Are you gonna be alright!?

Mario: *panting* yeah. I'll clearly need to eat some shrooms if I wanna continue to fight this fucker.

Mario ate a shroom growing back his arm half way: [+5 HP]

Mario: Koops, I need 1 more!

Koops: Uhh.. Sure. Won't that get you high though?

Mario: Its okay! It'll hit me in about an hour!

Koops gave mario another shroom to eat: [+5 HP]

Mario's arm fully regenerated like the lizard king!

Mario: I got mah arm back! And now I gained 10 HP TOO BITCH!

Hooktail: I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

Hooktail uses flamethrower: [4 Damage All]

Koops: Wow! That burns!

Mario: No shit. Its fucking fire!

A cricket in the background continued chirping.

Hooktail: AAAHHHH! SOMEONE KILL THAT THING! I SPENT CENTURIES TRYING TO REPRESS MEMORIES OF THAT SOUND!

Mario: The fuck is your deal with crickets anyway?

Hooktail: I HAD 1 LIVE IN MY EAR FOR A WHILE! I WISH NOT TO REVISIT THOSE YEARS!

Mario uses Power Smash of PURE PAIN!: [3 Damage]

Koops uses the last POW block: [2 Damage] Oh by the way, Koops' dumbass just killed the cricket with tha.

Hooktail uses stomp on Mario: [4 Damage]

Mario: AWW! YOU FUCKER!

Hooktail: HAHA! I CAN FEEL YOUR LIFE SLOWLY FADING AWAY! GIVE UP NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

HOOKTAIL: AND I NOTICE THAT CRICKET FINALLY STOPPED CHIRPING! THANK YOU WHO EVER USED THAT POW BLOCK!

Mario stopped to give Koops a condescending stare.

Mario: Son of a bitch Koops!

Mario uses regular hammer blast: [2 Damage]

Koops: HOOKTAIL! IN THE NAME OF EVERYONE YOU KILLED INCLUDING DADDY! YOU HAVE TERRIFIED ME AND MANY MORE FOR COUNTLESS LIFETIMES! AND GUESS WHAT!? THIS WILL BE THE LAST OF YOU! I WILL SEE TO YOUR DEMISE 1CE AND FOR ALL DRAGON!

Mario: That was a little over dramatic...

Koops uses shell slam: [2 Damage]

Hooktail: I'M NOT DONE YET!

Hooktail uses bite on Mario: [5 Damage]

Mario: *panting* Shit... 1 more attack like that and I'm fucked.

Mario: Wait a minute! I got an idea... Frankly said I can use the majical map in some other way... fuck... I forgot how...

Mario uses-

Koops: I'M GONNA KILL YOU DRAGON!

Koops uses a glorious shell slam on Hooktail bouncing off her toe thus uppercutting her hard enough to be fatal: [1 Damage] ha!

Hooktail was in a paralyzed state with no ability to get up whatsoever.

Koops: YOUR TIME HAS FINALLY COME HOOKTAIL!

Hooktail: No... I cant die... Not like this... I still have so many innocent live I wish I could have eaten! So many souls… I can't believe that all I can think about... is all the food I will never eat from this moment on...oooo...it's so cold…everything….so….cold…...…...

Hooktail passed on.

**[END OF THE FUCKING BOSS BATTLE MODE YAY!]**

Koops: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I… We did it guys! We finally avenged daddy!

Mario: Yeah... I guess we did... hehe.

Koops: I'M SO EXCITED! You like, know that goosebump feeling when you get really excited!?

Goombella: Yeah... Holy fuck... We really almost died that time did we.

Mario: Yeah... I've been through worse...

Koops: Hmm... Well now that Daddy is avenged, I can finally gloat and brag that the most hated Koopa in the entire village kicked Hooktail's ass! They'll have to worship me as I kick all of their asses!

Goombella: I guess... Say Mario, wheres that dedly star anyway? The map says it's located where we are!

Koops spotted some gagging reflex of the dragon's corpse.

Koops: Hey! Whats that!?

Koops and the rest of them noticed a dirty hairy blue shelled Koopa crawl out of Hooktail's corpses mouth covered in gross dragon slime.

Kooply (Age 34): Finally... I'm out of there! Hmmm... someone must have finally killed her...

Koops: WHOOOOAAA! OOOOHHH MMYYYYY MYYYAMOTO IS THAT!?

Kooply: Who are you exactly?

Koops: DD... DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! BLEEEERRRGGG!

Koops puked out of love and excitement on the floor.

Koops ran over to Kooply like a horny school girl and started hugging him tightly and crying all over him. He also kept kissing his cheek all over.

Kooply: Uhh... Who are you exactly?

Goombella: That's Koops... I'm assuming he's your son? Hopefully?

Kooply: OH! Koops! My favorite result of lying about using a condom! You aged quite a bit haven't you?

Koops: Yeah daddy... *sniff* It's been like, 10 years hasn't it?

Kooply: 10 YEARS!? HOLY HELL! How the hell did I survive in there for that long!?

Goombella: Yeah? How did you?

Kooply: Hmm... Well to be quite honest, Hooktail swallowed many koopas whole over the past decade... So between us pals, I had to partake in a little... you know... koopa kannibalism in the dragon's stomach. Yes it was nasty as sin, but you gotta do what it takes to survive sometimes eh? I sure screwed that dragon over did I? ... Don't judge me though…

Goombella: That's for sure!

Kooply: So, I'm assuming you're my sons girlfriend? Hows he banging you?

Goombella: NO! AND HELL NO! YOU SON GIVES ME YOU CREEPS! No offense though...

Koops: So daddy? How well did you do against the fight against Hooktail before she… you know, ate you?

Kooply: Me? Noo... You see... Like I said. 10 years ago, I was going to buy a pack of camel blues right? Well, you see, what I was really doing was-

Koops: Fighting the dragon!? I know that!

Kooply: No Koops... I came over here, cause I payed Hooktail 10 coins for a "good time," and we did the ol' horizontal hump harvest...

Koops: Uhh... I don't get it.

Kooply: Sex. We had sex... I paid for sex.

Mario: Hah! So she really is a "Hooker"tail huh?

Kooply: Yeah... hehe. Thats a good 1 pal! So anyway, while we were having sex, get this, I fell in! I got sucked into that dragon's giant thick meaty dragon cunt... So basically, I somehow reached her stomach and that's how i've been feeding on other Koopas for 10 years that she would try eating…

Koops: Ohh... Daaaddy! What about Koopla?

Kooply: Your mom Koopla's a bitch! I've always been cheating on her. And if you ever get a bitch girlfriend, you should do that same.

Koops: Wow! Thanks for the advice daddy!

Kooply: You're welcome son! I must say, I'm proud that you all killed that foul beast of a whore! Thank you. You all must lend me your secrets some time...

Goombella: Well, thank you... You see, were looking for a dedly star. You know of where it may be?

Kooply: Hmm... Hang on 1 second...

Kooply quickly re-entered the dragon's stomach and pulled out the Star of **Wrath**.

Kooply: I don't suppose you mean this doohickey right here?

Kooply holds up the Star of **Wrath**.

Goombella: THATS THE 1!

Kooply: Ah yes... This thing gave me light for the time I spent in the dragon's stomach. If you want, you 3 can keep it.

Goombella: Really!?

Kooply: Yes. Its all yours. You all seem like you can use it more than me right now.

Koops: Wow! how did you know?

Kooply: I simply had the feeling.

Goombella: Oh thank you so much!

Kooply hands Goombella the **Wrath** Star.

Mario : Well... yes... This is all well and good... Well... all this talk about sex with dragons reminds me... I got a little you know... thing to settle with Hookertail...

Goombella: Umm... What are you doing?

Mario: Yeah... I wasn't kidding about "Murder-Fucking" the dragon so... I'mma go ahead and just... do that.

Goombella: Ah for fuck sakes Mario! We almost died and raping a ded dragon is what you're focused on!?

Mario: Yes! I'm not going back on my word. Know why? Cause I always wanted to have sex with a dragon! I don't give 2 fucks if it's ded or alive! Its the principle! Bestiality and Necrophilia into 1! Am I right fellas!?

Kooply: Well have at it pal! As long as you make sure you don't fall in like I did! Haha!

Koops: Yeah, and don't like, let it void its bauls all over you!

Kooply: Come on Koops... Really?

Koops: Ah... I missed you so much daddy!

Kooply: Ehh.. And stop calling my daddy. What kind of 18 year old still called his dad "daddy?"

Koops: Aww man…

Everyone but Koops started chuckling comically at Koops' social awkwardness.

Mario: Do you all mind!? I'm trying to murder-fuck a dra- WWHHAAAAAHH!

Mario accidently got sucked in Hooktail's ded vadgelly the same way Kooply did.

They all paused from laughing...

Goombella: Is he gonna be alright?

Kooply: Oh yeah... He'll be fine.

Looks like Mario and his strange friends have collected 1 of the 7 dedly stars. Along the way, It appears as if he's actually making friends throughout this adventure despite his inability to get along with people. An evil dragon maybe vanquished, but they have a long way to go before they unlock the ancient treasure behind the 1000 year door! What upcoming journeys for the dedly stars await them? Find out next issue, as we break on through to the next exciting chapture of SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!

\- To be continued

Credits:

_Credits music playing: Nervous Breakdown by Black Flag._

Creator: IAMMASTER

Based on a True Game

After Credits:

Goombella: I can't believe we're cutting open this stupid dragon right now cause Mario decided to be a moron again.

Koops: Eh it's not so bad.

Goombella: ...Shut up Koops... just shut up...

You suck if you actually needed these answers.

Answer to Question 1: D

Answer to Question 2: B

Answer to Question 3: C

Answer to Question 4: D

Answer to Question 5: B

Answer to Question 6: Any

Answer to Question 7: A


	3. Chapture 3: The Great Drugbased Land!

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated N, for, "Nigga, getcho ass outta here if you a little, punk-ass kid or a butthurt, easily offended muthafucka, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit."

"Getting offended by a joke makes you part of it."

~ George Washington

"If a joke makes you choke then with good timing it was spoke!"

~ Abraham Lincoln

"If nigger is your trigger, try not to be so bitter. If kike is your hype, go back to the trike. If chink makes you sink, you need a drink. If faggot makes you nag it, then this room you shouldn't inhabit."

~ Some homeless guy who I'm pretty sure was high as fuck when saying this

Enjoy.

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Uncut Version)**

**Chapture 3: The Great Surreal Land of Drug Based Character and Scenery Designs!**

_Battle Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer_

Last time! On Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! Mario and Goombella entered a peaceful meadow where they oddly enough, spotted a HUGE ASS DRAGON which according to the map, contained the star they were searching for! As they were finding a way to reach a mythical short cut, they made their way into a struggling village troubled by the demise from that very same dragon. Afterwards, the heroes faced various tedious fights and obstacles with every stone fortress they entered. As they eventually found the key objects used to reach the dragon's castle. They later met up with 1 of a young villagers anxiously wanting to join them on their journey. Soon enough, they reached the top of the castle where they epically challenge the wretched dragon Hooktail to a fight to the deth. After the fight, The villager, Koops' was avenged and escaped that very dragon's stomach soon handing them their first installment of dedly stars with 6 more to go. Find out what new adventures await our heroes this issue of Super Mario! and the a Thousand! Year! Drama!

**Chapture 3 - 1: The Real Plot Really Begins! **

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 19th, 2004. It is 12:26 AM, unknown weather.]

_**[?]**_

This scene does not have Mario or any of his strange friends in it. Instead, this scene will tell you where Peach has been since she's been missing. Finally!

She appears to be captured in the arms from those X-Naut henchmen guys seen with Robotnik earlier in the series. They dragged Peach into what looks like the main throne room of their leader. The evil base appears to be this futuristic looking base almost like something from Star Wars or any other series ripping off Star Wars. It was all GREY! and METAL! and FUTURISTIC! I bet if you played the original game these details would mean nothing to you.

Peach: OW! Hey! Let go of me! Only Bowser's army can grab me by my arms and ass cheeks like that!

X Naut #21 (Age 29): Dude! Like, I just totally grabbed Princess Peach's ass! This is the best day of my life!

X Naut #24 (Age 44): Wow, you know what you should do next time? You should stick your finger up her butt. I hear Princesses like that!

X Naut #21: Yeah! Yeah! Like, next time dude!

Peach: I'm gonna kill you all!

The 2 henchmen finished walking to the main room anticipating their leader.

Robotnik appeared standing on the side smelling his fingers after just brutally fingering his asshole.

Robotnik: Hey sup bitches! Robotnik's here!

X Naut #24: Oh hey Robotnik. Whats up?

Robotnik: Not much! I was just seeing how many fingers I can glue rasers on while I fit them all into my own asshole at 1ce before making it bleed! Heh!

X Naut #21: Thats great... Now where's the leader?

Robotnik: Oh hey! Wait... You mean I'm not the leader? Oh yeah! Right! Hehe! I forgot!

Robotnik: Yeah. Hes right over there!

Robotnik points towards the leader during a dramatic transition of the camera facing the back of the leader's head while he is sitting on a machine placing on his evil helmet slowly to cover up his hideous disfigured face. Yes. You know which Star Wars scene I'm ripping off right?

The evil fat leader overlord cyborg giant white santa bearded looking character rose up on his throne to addressed his henchmen.

Also, behind his throne chair, he has a giant beautiful painting of Adolf Hitler in the background. Thats how evil he is. Also, there were painting on the side of John Wayne Gacy, GG Allin, El Duce, Charles Manson, Jerry Lee Lewis, Michael Vick, Jeffrey Dahmer, Henry Ford, Ted Nugent, Count Chocula, ect. You get the idea.

Sir Grodus (Age 115): Ich hasse die Juden. Wir reinigen und vernichten sie vom Angesicht der Erde zum Wohle der arischen Rasse. Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten!

Robotnik: Oh whoops. Let me switch it off the Germen setting.

Robotnik changes the dial by his ass to English.

Robotnik: There we go!

Sir Grodus: Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, wel, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well... Why if it isn't my new pet BITCH... Have you decided to tell us what you did with the map?

Peach: Uhh... Yeah! This old plumber I fuck with has the map! His name is Mar-

Sir Grodus: SILENCE! You will speak when spoken to!

Peach: You just asked! And I was just telling yo-

Sir Grodus: SILENCE! Now, don't lie to us. We have info that you were the 1 who purchased the map. Do not try and cover up your track. We Nazis… I mean, we X-Nauts are a force to be reckoned with. We will actually do things scarring you eternally if you choose a path of dishonesty towards us. After all, we are not all rainbows and lollipops I assure!

Robotnik: YEAH! We'll shove those rainbows and lollipops up your ass and pussy! And by rainbows and lollipops, I mean ME painting my di-

Sir Grodus: Enough Robotnik! Your job is not to interrupt your leader so.

The skype ringtone started to blast obnoxiously.

Sir Grodus: Can SOME1 ANSWER THAT!?

X Naut #24 Answered it cause Grodus was too lazy and mighty to press a green call button.

X Naut #8 (Age 31): Sir! The dedly star we believed that was located in the castle of Hooktail... We have reason to believe that some1 terminated the dragon guarding it and he now foresees possession of the star.

Sir Grodus: What!? WHO IS THIS!? SPEAK NOW SOLDIER!

X Naut #8: Well, it seems as if a team of strange warriors must have done it. They appear to be known as... Team M.

Grodus: Team... M?

X Naut #8: Yes. Team M. I believe stands for... "Mother-Fuckers"... Or something like that. The leaders appears to be a gross fat greasy Italian, Mexican, or Jewish looking man wearing a red hat and blue overalls.

Peach: Yeah! Thats Mario!

Grodus: Hmm... His name is Mario you say?

Peach: Yeah! Thats what I've been trying to tell you retards!

Robotnik: OH I KNOW THAT ASSHOLE! HE MADE ME SHIT MYSELF ALMOST 2 DAYS AGO! But THATS IMPOSSIBLE! I THOUGHT WE RAPED HIM SO HARD THAT HE DISINTEGRATED TO 1,000,000 FUCKING PIECES hah hah YEAH!

Grodus proceeded in a socially awkwards evil villain lol fest.

Grodus: Gaack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack ack!

X Naut #8: Uhh... Should I hang up now?

Robotnik: YEAH! NOBODY LIKES YOU #8! Go suck an ice pick and kill yourself faggot!

The call ended

X Naut #24: Err... Whats so funny sir?

Grodus: Oh nothing. Just something funny I remember on TV.

Grodus: Alright men. Take the filthy Princess away and make her take a shower!

X Naut #21 &amp; #24: Yes Sir!

The 2 henchmen grabbed Peach and escorted her back to her room.

Robotnik: Wait! Can I still rape her!?

Grodus: Settle down Robotnik. Not just yet... Theres still a few more things I want from her first. Then shes all yours.

Robotnik: Oh sweet! I always wanted to fuck Princess Peach! I thought I was gonna have to go to Comic-Con and rape some worthless Peach cosplayer!

Grodus: Silence pesant. Anyway, if this Team M is collecting these Dedly Stars, then they might be heading to Boggly Woods next. So we will attack there!

Robotnik: Ooo... Sounds like a great place to play in a strip Boggle Tournament! Wait... Uhh... How do you know where these stars are located without the map exactly? Also, shouldn't we grab some other stars instead of waiting for Mario to grab them? I hear this floating dojo has 1 we could look for.

Grodus: I'M AN EVIL MAD GENIUS! I KNOW HOW THIS STUFF WORKS OKAY?!

Robotnik: Well... Whatever... I'm gonna go to my beauty sleep before we do that. Maybe I'll try that hand raser thing I was talking about with my asshole! I should probably get me some band-aids too! And some Morton Salt to treat my wounds sexually! LATER BIATCH!

Robotnik uses a smoke bomb for an unnecessary dramatic escape where he simply stood there until the smoke wore off and then left.

Grodus: Hmm... I'm not sure if sending Robotnik there alone with his army is the best of ideas... He's the kind of moron that needs special supervision and guidance.

Grodus paged for X Naut #66

The X Nauts made it in Grodus' room in a few minutes.

X Naut #666 (Age 36): What the hell... I was trying to sleep...

Grodus: Shut up you whiny pip squeak or I'll have you executed! BRING ME THE SHADOW SIRENS!

X Naut #666: But... I'm tired... and embarrassed to talk to them.

Grodus: Look at my mechanical face. Do I look like I care? Get them, or DIE!

X Naut #666: But I don't know where they are. They teleport everywhere!

Grodus: Use your fucking satanic sorcery to communicate with them stupid.

X Naut #666: Oh right... hehe. I forgot I can do that. M'kay then.

The henchman took some red chalk and drew a generic circular satanic pentagram where he lit candles and soaked his nipples in apple juice while huffing a can of computer duster.

The 3 Shadow Sirens appeared from the ground right as the Henchman passed out from the computer duster with a fuck ton of blood exiting his nasal cavities.

The Shadow Sirens are this family of 3 purple shadow beings who appear to have a stem that attaches them to the ground rather than a pair of legs. They all wear different colors of 90's looking striped Cat and the Hat looking witch hats along with their hair coincidentally matching their hats. They had this weird resemblance of the Ramones and the front cover of Wicked in a weird way if you think about it. Also, their hair covers their eyes so you get the idea.

The oldest 1 in the middle named Beldam (Age 1050 might as well be 60) was not only the oldest, but was short as hell too. She has light blue hair with the blue striped hat with a jewish looking witch nose. Apparently, she has this hard ass drug addiction where she can only maintain a strange creepy smiley grin due to her face being somewhat paralyzed by the drugs. She is their leader essentially.

The middle 1 in the left of Beldam named Marilyn (Age 1030 might as well be 40) is not old looking, but is big and fat as fuuuuuuuck... She has a blonde bowl cut with rosey cheeks and a yellow striped hat. Also, she has a word bank vocabulary of like, 1! No joke. She has some severe fucking down syndrome like you wouldn't believe. I wonder what made that happen? Its funny cause the original game tries so hard to cover it up by saying she's just "quiet," but it's so obvious what kind of character they were trying to make her like. Also she's a bit of a mouth breather.

The youngest 1 in the far right of Beldam named (get ready to cum yourselves Paper Mario Fans.) Vivian! (Age 1000 might as well be 20) is the only 1 of these 3 who actually looks quite normal out of all of them. She had this weird shape of pink hair that starts out straight and turns spirally around the ends. She wears a red striped witch hat too. She's very musical and is also the more good natured 1 of the siblings and probably doesn't even know that they're on an evil mission. She's basically treated like the Koops of the group. Or worse. I wonder of some of her character development spawned from Vivi and Final Fantasy. I mean, fire powers, shadows, RPG characters, which hats, THE NAMES!

Okay, collectively that was by far my longest description ever.

Beldam: Mmmwee hee hee hee hee... Did that Princess I gave the map to by dressing like a creepy marchant tell you where she hid the map.

Grodus: Still your tongue, Beldam. We could have had that map by now If you didn't shoot up on some heroin in a dark alley when you were supposed to be capturing the princess after she opened the box! Now this foolish "Team M" has the map and are using it to find the 7 Dedly Stars. Now they have 1 of them, and all I can think about is decapitating a small cat!

Vivian introvertedly became a little troubled about the idea about snatching princesses and murdering cats.

Marilyn started chowing down on a jar of Mayonnaise.

Beldam: Hmm... Team M you s-s-s-s-s-s-s-say?

Grodus: Yes! And now that they have the 1st star, now they're going to go after the next 1 in the Boggly forest!

Beldam: I think you mean the Boggly Woods.

Grodus: Shut up! Do not correct me!

Beldam: Wait? If you're already certain of where they're heading towards, do we even need the map anymore? I b-b-b-b-b-believe we can just take the Star of **Envy**, and steel this Team M's Star of **Wrath** assuming they're finding these in the order I remember them in.

Grodus: Well now that you mention it, finding the star in the tree isn't a bad idea! We're still going to need the map to make our lives easier and so no 1 else gets to it. But still. Invading the Great Tree is genius! In the mean time, you Shadow Sister things leave at once! Find Team M and do away with them! I am not a patient man!

Vivian: Uhh... Sis... You didn't mention anything about invading and killing people... I'm not sure if I like this whole plan. It just seems a little…

Beldam slapped Vivian across the face.

Beldam: Shut up Vivian! 1000 Pardons Grodus. She's the slow retarded 1 of us. You'll have to excuse her shlowness…

Marilyn decided to swallow the entire jar of mayonnaise whole as if it was edible.

Vivian began to rub the part of her face that got slapped.

Vivian: Aww man... I guess your right...

Beldam: Alright my lumpies! We got a j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-ob to do!

Beldam teleports through the ground.

Marilyn: GUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH!

Marilyn does the same. Yeah. Thats her 1 word vocabulary right there.

Vivian tries to laugh off the anxiety Beldam triggered in her, and teleports with her sisters.

Grodus: Dip shits...

**Chapture 3 - 2: Teach me Horny**

_**[Peach's Cell]**_

Meanwhile, Peach was sent to her luxurious holding cell with her own private bathroom, shower, queen sized memory foam mattress, a 72 inch screen TV, every console ever made, an arsonal of viberators, weed, acid, shrooms, pcp, opium, molly, ecstasy, you get the idea, shes got more things than she should in her cell. It was like a prison in Norway.

The scene cuts to the X-Naut henchmen trying to force Peach to awkwardly take a shower in front of them.

X Naut #21: Come on! Just take the damn shower like the boss ordered!

Peach: Not with you 2 goons watching me!

X Naut #24: You know we have to guard you at all costs. Besides, It's a nice shower!

Peach: Yes. I agree. It is a nice shower, but I don't feel comfortable having you creeps watch me!

X Naut #21: But don't think of it that way... just consider us your audience members.

Peach: Yeah, but showering is different! You horny pervs just want to get of to my hot princess bod'.

X Naut #24: Well... That and we were clearly ordered to.

Peach: *Sigh*. fine... Just don't try anything funny.

Once Peach became fully undressed, X-Naut # 21 shot blood out of his nose like in the animes.

X Naut #24: OH COME ON 21! Great. Now we gotta get you some kleenex. Sorry Peach, we gotta go. We'll lock the doors so you don't go anywhere.

The X-Nauts left.

Peach: Good. Now I can sing comedically racist versions of Whitney Houston songs ironically in the shower!

When Peach finished her shower where she felt like a new princess, she grabbed a towel, and entered her room where she had a pouty little hissy fit over there being no tampons in her room. She then noticed the door had suddenly opened.

Peach: Wow! I think those dumbasses actually broke the door by trying to lock it.

Peach entered through the door with no problems whatsoever.

Peach: Wow! No 1s here! I wonder where they all went?

Meanwhile, all of the X Nauts were busy having a cock fighting tournament on 1 of the other floors. It's not the kind of cock fight you maybe thinking of. Its the kind where they're actually using their own penises and gluing feathers and glitter on them like an arts and crafts project and beating each other with them. Robotnik is winning by alot.

Back to the Peach story, she continued to walk down the hallway all the way to the last door in front of her where that door also opened.

_**[X-Naut Computer Cell]**_

As soon as she entered the door, a creepy robotic computer voice started to speak to her.

Tec (Age 6 Months): Hello Princess Peach.

Peach: WHOA! THE FUCK IS THAT!?

Tec: I am the 1 who unlocked the doors for you and scheduled an emergency cock fighting tornament to distract the X-Nauts so I can speak with you.

Peach: Uhh... Thanks? Who are you exactly?

Tec: I am the main supercomputer of the X-Naut base. I am TECHNOLOGICAL ERADICATION CIRCUIT-2003. You may call me TEC. I am Robotnik's soul perfect computer designed to obey Sir. Grodus' demands.

Peach: You mean that robot asshole thing that had me captured!?

Tec: You mean the marvelous majestic manbot! ...Sorry. He programmed me to say that.

Peach: Uhh... I think I'm gonna go now.

Tec: WAIT!

Tec closed the door before Peach had the chance to leave.

Tec: I'm so lonely! I don't get to bond with Sir Grodus like I used to since he started this mission and stopped looking up internet porn with me.

Peach: Well... oh fine... I'll stay. So why did you let me out of my cell?

Tec: It's hard to explain... When I started scanning you and your tramp stamp in the shower, I started to malfunction and overheat... I had to meet you. The person with the perfect tramp stamp above your rear end. I also desire to install other knowledge on you. The 1 with the most perfect tramp stamp ever. That is why I let you escape.

Peach: Eww... Wierd. So... Like my tramp stamp? Do you like the mushroom in the middle of it? Or what?

Tec: Yes. I like how it symbolizes the male specimen inserting his penis inside of you anally from a vertically abstract angle.

Peach: Why thank you! Thats what I was going for!

Tec: Yes. Excuse me and my malfunctions... This is not normally like me. You have to tell me of it.

Peach: Do I look like I know shit about computers?

Tec: YOU HAVE TO TELL ME! ITS NOT OKAY! I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO BURST!

Peach: Well... If you were a human, I would tell you that maybe you might be... horny? For me?

Tec: Horny? What is... "horny"? I cannot compute this.

Princess Peach: Wait, you don't know what horny is? Horny... How do I explain? Horny tells you when you want to be with a person forever. It makes you feel horny just to see that person ejaculate, smiling... and horny. When you're horny for some1, you will do anything to hump when he or she is in horny.

Tec: Humping... ejaculating...? I can define those words, but I am certain my programming is not designed to feel such emotions... In other words, I cannot comprehend such feelings.

Peach: You don't need to comprehend it... you just feel it. Here. I'll show you.

Peach undressed the top part of her dress and bra and rubbed her small pathetic A cup sized tits all over the computer screen.

Peach: Does this make you feel horny at all?

Tec began to moan alot especially for a fucking computer.

Peach got off and dressed back up.

Peach: So... How was that?

Tec: Will you teach me more about... horny?

Peach: What? All that I just did wasn't good enough? And why do you even care. Its not like you, a computer can have an orgasm.

Tec: That maybe true, but if I do, I can grant you any wish you would like. Any wish except for an escape from this base. For after 1 orgasm, I will need an unspeakable quantity of them afterwards.

Peach: WHAT!? So I'm staying kidnapped here for your's and the X-fag's personal gain!? Who the fuck do you think you are you creepy computer thing!

Peach spat on the TEC's screen.

Tec simulated a digital tear coming off the side of the screen.

Tec: If I can feel emotion, I would feel that you are angry. In my return, I will let you have 1 wish.

Peach: 1 wish huh? Well... Alright. Can I send a friend of mine an email?

Tec: Affirmative. I am a super computer. Of course I can use "email." It is no trouble. Just use my keyboard and open up internet explorer.

Peach: Yeah yeah... I know how to use a fucking computer. Its 2004 afterall. Now if I send this message to his facebook, he should get a quick notification of it on his smartphone.

Peach soon typed the email that will be sent by chapture 3 - 4 apparently. Some supercomputer huh?

Peach: K. Its sent. Say what's with all those red underlined zig zags under almost every word I type anyway?

Tec: That's called spell check. Do you not use it?

Peach: Thats stupid. Thats just sounds like the internets trying to insult me for having "bad spelling." Sheesh!

Tec: I can assure you that it has a valid purpose.

Peach: Yeah whatever. You're a pain in the ass anyway.

Tec: ... You may return to your room. I wish to spy on you as you sleep. Maybe that way, I will learn... horny.

Peach: Uhh... Alright!

Tec: I will call you if necessary.

Peach: Uhh… Like a prostitute? Uhh... sure. Good night then.

Peach awkwardly left the room to proceed onward to her room.

Tec: Good night, Princess Peach...

**Chapture 3 - 3: It's Bowser Time!**

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 19th, 2004. It is 4:15 AM, cloudy with a 300 Degrees F.]

_Background Music: I am all of me by Crush 40_

_**[Bowser's Castle]**_

Here lies even more familiar antagonists from EVERY FUCKING MARIO GAME! You know which 1 I mean, he's in the FUCKING SUB CHAPTURE TITLE! He currently lives in his new evil castle of dark clouds and lava.

2 Koopatrols in metal knight armor stood by the door they were guarding.

Koopatrol #58 (Age 28): Man, after 3 years, we finally built this new castle just the way lord Bowser likes it. After the ummtinth time, it just get really annoying you hear?

Koopatrol #49 (Age 33): Yeah. Somehow they just keep getting wrecked by Mario, or demolished after being turned into a Mario Kart course. Yep. I feel like this 1 will last for awhile.

Koopatrol #58: Yeah. Do you think it's really a good idea to be building these castles above a pool of lava? I feel like thats partially how these castles get destroyed so easily.

Koopatrol #49: Plus it like, 1,000,000 degrees here all the time! Its sucks! I wish there wouldn't be lava all over the place just this once. Its so fucking edgy you hear?

Loud stomping occurred from the background.

Koopatrol #58: Shut up! I think thats...

Koopatrol # 49: OH NO!

Bowser rudely opened the door slamming the 2 henchmen flying off at random corners of the room.

Bowser (Age 48): MWAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Bowser: IT IS BOWSER! THE MIGHTY KOOPA KING OR TERROR AND DETH! and blood.

All of his henchmen started applauding him like blind raptile worshipping retards!

Koopatrol #62: Why do we worship him again?

Koopatrol #23: He said he saw satan in a vision back in the 80s. Yeah he told him to be king so we just follow him. Just like the Romans and god. But satan's cooler so yeah...

Bowser: Excellent work on the castle men! And above a pool of evil lava! Genious! Now watch as I go take my first dump in here! I'm sure you all will be pleased!

Bowser began to walk down the hallway where he heard 2 Hammer Bros talking shit about him.

Hammerbro #13: So yeah, the other day I saw Bowser masterbating for a long time at a rare photo of Princess Peach spreading her vadgelly pretending to be Courtney Love or some shit. I also saw him shoving oil up his ass for her. Then a banana afterwards.

Hammerbro #43: Hah! What a dumbass! Shit. I hear and feel some1 breathing hot anchovy smelling odor on me... Its... Bowser isn't it...

Bowser: Wow! I'm dying to hear the end of your story of what you just saw!

Hammerbro #43: Oh no! I was just saying-

Bowser: FUCK YOU! YOU 2 HAVE BREATHED IN AIR FOR THE LAST TIME! PREPARE TO BREATH IN FIRE!

Bowser used flamethrower to the 2 hammer bro's deth. They did that thing in loony tunes where they disintegrated into a pile of ash.

Bowser: HAHAHA! THAT WAS SO HARD CORE! Now! Onto the toilet!

Bowser noticed that the castle ended there. Basically, his minions designed castle with only 1 hallway like room. The rest is brick space!

Bowser: ... Why... Why does the castle end here? I THOUGHT YOU ASS CLOWNS PUT WAY MORE EFFORT INTO THIS!

Koopatrol #62: But you were the 1 who designed the blueprints in the first place! See?

Bowser began to look at the blueprints that the Koopatrol gave him.

Bowser:... but... but... AWWW MAN! I FORGOT TO ADD OTHER FUCKING ROOMS! I'M NEVER ATTEMPTING ARCHITECTURE ON SALVIA AGAIN!

Bowser: Still! YOU BOZOS SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO TAKE MY INSTRUCTIONS ON BUILDING A CASTLE! IT YOUR FAULTS!

Koopatrol #23: But sire!

Bowser: NO! I DO NOT WANNA HEAR THE END OF THIS! IM GONNA SHIT RIGHT HERE! ON THE FLOOR! AND YOU ARE ALL GONNA HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT!

A purple robed Majikoopa witch with pointy evil old people glasses from the mysterious prequel to this parody broke through the door right after Bowser took a shit on the floor.

Kammy Koopa: Lord Bowser!

She walked towards Bowser

Kammy Koopa (Age 304): AHH! GOOD LORD! WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT TURD ON THE FLOOR! IT SMELLS HORRIDLY! BLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRGGGGGGGGG!

Kammy puked all over Bowser's turd.

Bowser: I was TRYING to punish my minions for building a crAPPY CASTLE WITH 1 ROOM IN IT! Since they made a crappy looking castle, I thought I would make it smell crappy. IRONICALLY!

Kammy Koopa: Please your Edgyness! Listen to me! I am unhappy to inform you that our enemy Mario is on another adventure without us being the bad guys! He's off to a town known as Ghettoport.

Bowser: Ehh... Please... Like I care... He can kill himself for all I care. He's probably there to overdose on crack cause his video game sales are going downhill.

Kammy Koopa: But you see, Princess Peach has been captured by some1 besides you!

Bowser: WHAT!? Some1 stole my absolute favorite thing to do in the world without me!? HOW DARE THEY! RAWR! I AM SO MAD I CAN PISS ON YOU!

Bowser randomly started to piss on Kammy Koopa impulsively!

Kammy Koopa: HEY! LEARN SOME MANNERS YOU LITTLE SHIT!

Kammy Koopa smacked Bowser;s nose with her wand.

Bowser: AAHHH! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!?

Kammy Koopa: I have no idea! All I know is that this adventure seems to involve those 7 dedly stars that unlock treasure.

Bowser: Hmm... Maybe I can use those thingamajigs to rule to world like last time with the star rod! Assuming the people reading this have played Paper Mario 64 and know what the hell we're talking about.

Kammy Koopa: Hey Bowser, do you like fried eggs?

Bowser: …

Bowser stared at Kammy with a sarcastic expression.

Bowser: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!?

Kammy Koopa had no idea how senile she was really behaving.

Kammy Koopa: Welp, while I was stalking Mario, I saw him head to this place called a Petal Meadows. I was thinking about taking you and your henchmen out for a picnic and I prepared eggs and haggis!

Bowser: AIRHEADS! I WANT AIRHEADS!

Bowser began to roll around on the floor like a pissed off toddler and he started crying because he wanted airheads THAT badly.

Kammy Koopa: Okay. We can do that... Just watch your blood pressure.

Bowser got back up.

Bowser: Good... I fucking LOVE Airheads! Anyway, enough of these senile tangents. WE GOTTA GO TO GHETTOPORT SO WE CAN RESCUE PEACH! ONLY TO KIDNAP HER AGAIN!

Bowser pulled out a capsule from the corner of his shell, and threw it on the ground turning it into his clown copter. Bowser hopped on it making his head grow a little bit by a 3rd somehow.

Bowser: LATER BUTT FAIRIES! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

Bowser broke a hole through his wall and flew away on the clown copter.

Kammy Koopa: WAIT FOR ME ASSHOLE!

Right when Kammy Koopa and Bowser flew off, the entire castle exploded with a bunch of his henchmen still in it.

Bowser: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAH!

Kammy Koopa: HOLY SHIT BOWSER! Your castle just exploded!

Bowser: I know! I had C4 Lodged in my turd just waiting to go off!

Kammy Koopa: WHAT! But you'r castle was brand new!

Bowser: I KNOW! They did a sucky job making it! BESIDES! MORE AIRHEADS FOR ME!

Kammy Koopa: You are by far the dumbest ruler since Nero!

**Chapture 3 - 4: Back 2 Da Ghetto!**

Oh yeah. I do character intros around here now.

Mario (Age 43): A dangerously retarded former Italian plumber with a sex crazed vulgar personality. He is the dumbass leader of the dumbass team of 3 known as the M Team. He tends to get very over confident but somehow always finds a way to get shit done. Although he has to be dragged out of some unnecessary fights at times. Sometimes he puts his partners in near deth situations over easily avoidable factors. He seriously does not give 2 fucks about what you or anyone else thinks.

Goombella (Age 21): An aspiring junior in a liberal arts college. She reads alot and carries alot of book smarts about places and people. She oftens tries really hard to be formal to outsiders that are not young or female. She can be a real bitch to her teammates though. She also tends to get a little defensive over her own insecurities.

Koops (Age 18): A socially awkward Koopa who lives his life in a small village. He often times tries really hard to be nice to everyone around him even when they act shitty to him. Which is constantly. He's sadly the punching bag of the group. I don't know how he puts up with it.

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 19th, 2004. 10:15 AM, Sunny and 64 Degrees F.]

_**[Petalburg]**_

A long day has past after the team of 3 vanquished the treacherous Hooktail. After rescuing Kooply and the Star of **Wrath**, the villagers celebrated by attempting to have a boring G rated party. Although Mario was tripping on the shrooms the whole time from the Hooktail fight earlier. He somehow had a fun time despite the fact that he was constantly getting restrained due to his crazy hallucinations making him run around naked, tweak out, roll around yelling in gibberish backwards satanic seeming tangents, and punch people. Goombella spent a good portion of the party randomly barging into Koopie Koo's room so she can mock and poke her broken nose for the sake of being a bitch. Koopie Koo wasn't able to leave her room until her nose was healed up. Koops and his dad Kooply went fishing where Kooply kept going on tangents about his crazy fucked up sex life. This made Koops feel rather uncomfortable the entire time, but was happy to spend time with his father. Koops also got a hook caught through his cheek like Steve O from Jackass. But he's alright. Kind of.

Kooply, and Mayor Kroop gave their salutations off to Mario, Goombella, and Koops.

Mario: Wow! That was an amazing party!

Koops: Uhh...

Goombella: Yeah Mario, you seemed to have had a little too much fun with the shrooms.

Mario: Hey! Its not my fault you turned into a fucking unicorn. So I had to ride you to Neverland so I could prevent the Cavity Creeps from 911ing the Titanic!

Goombella: Yeah... Don't remind me. You almost broke my fucking back you know.

Mayor Kroop: You have some crazy stories sonnie boy. Well, 1ce again, thanks to you 3, we no longer need to live in fear from that too timing Hooktail I'll tell you what. Now I don't have to contemplate suicide as much for now we can finally have an improving economy. Heh. So you folks are off to more adventures for those stars ehh?

Mario: You bet your skaly old green ass we are!

Kooply: Hehe! Well it's good to see you all off on more adventures bringing my son with and all.

Koops: But daddy... dad! I... I wanna stay here with you! It's been 10 years and I feel like I missed out on alot of time with you!

Kooply: Oh son, you'll be able to make it back 1ce you and your pals finish your adventure. I believe in you Koops.

Koops: But dad! I wanna stay with you!

Koopie Koo started yelling out her window with a whiny nasally voice from her broken nose.

Koopie Koo: YAA KOOPS! YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE!

Goombella: So help me god bitch! Do you want me to smash your nose again!?

Koopie Koo: Fuck you bitch! OWW! ITS HURTS TO TALK WITH MY BROKEN ASS NOSE! OWWW!

Kooply: Koops. Listen to me, fuck what people have to say. I want you to live. I want you to go on a fucked up adventure where you fuck alot of bitches. In the long run, I think you'll be better off with a story to tell about what you're about to see than simply sticking around here. You have plenty of time to do that. What do you say?

Koops: Well... I'm not sure. I think-

Kooply: Ah just get the fuck out of here!

Koops: Aww gee wizz. Alright.

Kooply: Just always remember this: You are my son, Koops... and I am your father!

Koops: Well yeah. Gee… No shit... Come on. What kind of quote is that dad!? Try giving me some useful advice next time...sheesh.

Mario: Hey Goombella?

Goombella: Yeah?

Mario: Do I smell like I pissed myself?

Goombella: Yes Mario. Yes you did.

Mario: Thats not what I asked.

Koopie Koo continued to yell from a far.

Koopie Koo: I'll be waiting here for you sweetie! I love youOWWWW!

Koops: YAY. I still have a gf guys!

Goombella: Yeah. She's a fucking bitch too!

Mayor Kroop: Well, before you all take off, I want to happily inform you that you all are always welcome in our…

The Mayor looked around the town seeing that the village was still pretty destroyed from Hooktail.

Mayor Kroop: ...sigh... village.

Mario: Ha! That shit got wrecked. Yeah. Fuck that shit. You'll probably never see us again.

Koops: Hehe. So it looks like im still gonna be in the M Team After all guys!

Goombella: Well yeah! I thought we established this in the Initiation mode of chapture 2 - 4

Mario: Yeah. We some how adjusted to your retard ass! Come on!

Koops: Oh right. Whoops. So wait... Where are we off to then?

Goombella: We're going back to Ghettoport. We gotta re visit that shrine from earlier.

Mario: Wait. That doesn't make sense. Why?

Goombella: Mario, don't you remember how we got here in the first place? For each star we find, we gotta go back to the shrine of the 1000 year door. Then it will uncover the next destination of the next fucking star! Pay attention stupid!

Mario: Wow. Period much!?

Goombella: Yeah sorry. I'm... not very good with mornings.

Mario: Hey! I'm the 1 with a hangover after taking a shit ton of shrooms. How do you think I feel?

Koops: Come on guys! Lets go already!

Mario and Goombella: Shut up Koops!

Goombella: Although he is right. We should get going.

Mario: Yeah... Well... SO LONG FUCK-JEWS!

The M team suddenly took off onto the next adventure already. About fucking time. What page are we on again?

Mayor Kroop: Say... You think they'll be alright?

Kooply: Ahh they'll be fine. They may just indeed be the strangest and stupidest heroes. I have ever seen, but my god they're hilarious…

Mayor Kroop: You wanna hear about breast cancer for 5 hours?

Kooply: No.

_**[Petal Meadows]**_

The 2 of them walked down the Petal Meadows for 1 more tiyime!

Koops: Hey Mario?

Mario: Yeah.

Koops: Remember the time you raped Hooktail?

Mario: Well yeah. That was fucking yesterday. Yeah, I murder-fucked the shit out of that dragon did I?

Goombella: *sigh* I still can't believe you did that... Oh who am I kidding. Of course you would. Your fucking disgusting.

Mario's smartphone made a notification sound along with vibrating for a long extensive period of time like a mother fucker.

Koops: Holy fuck! You're leg is shaking! Is it having a seizure or something!?

Goombella: Thats his cell phone Koops. You really didn't know that!?

Koops: Oh yeah... uhh... I WAS KIDDING! hehe.

Goombella: Sure Koops. Wait, Mario, when did you find another phone. I thought it got smashed by Professor Frankly!

Mario: What? This is my real phone. That 1 I was using was Wario's phone. It has a better audio system.

Goombella: You really do steal alot don't you.

Mario: That's how I've been collecting coins from all those enemies. After I fucking kill them!

Mario pulled out his phone and noticed he got 1 new message on Facebook.

Mario: Oh hey. I got 1 new message on Facebook.

Mario: Goombella? Can you read it?

Goombella: Sure. I will never understand why you have your facebook settings on English when you can't read it. I'm not trying to discriminate against you for being Italian but still...

Mario: Nah. I just can't read period.

Goombella starred sarcastically at Mario as he handed her the phone.

Goombella:... Let me just fucking read this.

Goombella: Oh hey. Its from Princess Peach! She's been a very influential icon throughout my childhood! _Holy fuck! I'm totally excited to read a letter written by her!_

_"Sup Mario. Its Peach. I dont ujolly youz facebook 4 I hav todes du that 4 mii. So ya liek, ges hoo liek, got kidnapet agen? MII! Teehee. jk. But srsly, theez robat giez got mii. No Bowzer dis tiem. But srsly. Idk wherdafuk am I. Der liek, aftr dat map eye sent U. They allso sed sum shit about dedly stars 2. Der trying 2 kill u cuz they liek, niid ti and shit. Liek, lame am I rite? But srsly. Sav mii. Dis shit is dumm. Liek. Srsly. I don't hav enuff tamponz 2 last mii. LIEK SRSLY! I NIID THEM 4 MAI MENSTROL VAKASHIN I CANT STAND TI! But srsly, K baiiiiiii._

\- Peach"

Goombella: My god! Her grammar is TOTALLY the most absolutely atrocious shit I've ever seen! She somehow ignored using spell check! It almost makes me want to BLEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGG!

Goombella puked all over Mario's phone.

Mario: AH MY PHONE! YOU BITCH!

Goombella: Well its not my fault your princess has such bad spelling!

Koops: Oh snap! Does anyone got some rice to put in it!?

Mario: Its okay, Puke doesn't destroy your phone. Trust me.

The 3 of them reached the brown shit stained warp pipe from whence they came. Still gross as hell though.

Mario: Yay! We made it! Well guys! Get ready for a long 15 hour warp ride!

Koops: Wait... is this really that long of a warp pipe? But my DSi doesn't have enough juice to last me that long.

Mario: After you!

Mario impulsively pushed Koops down the wipe

Koops: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I HAVE TO PPEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Goombella: Yeah. Get used to this shit!

Goombella and Mario hopped down the warp pipe onwards on their 15 hour ride to Ghettoport.

\- To Be Continued...

\- Right about Now!

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 20th, 2004. It is 3:56 AM, cloudy with a 48 Degrees F.]_

**[Ghettoport Sewers]**

The 3 strange misfits made it back to Ghettoport. They started to feel 16% more depressed entering back to the shit hole of the region.

Koops: Oh my god guys! This the first time I've ever been outside of the Petal Meadows. This is awesome!

Goombella: We're just in the sewer dude... I can tell you're sheltered but damn!

Koops: Well my mom and my girlfriend told me that other towns contain a toxic gas that gives Koopas this dedly disease called canceraidabetes.

Mario: Yeah... They made that shit up. Although they might be right about this town.

Koops: I guess. Its not like i'm dying right!?

Mario: Just stop being stupid and follow us to the damn door.

They walked through identical obstacles like the 1s shown and not shown in the first chapture and soon made it back to the hall of the 1000 Year door.

Koops: Wow! So this is the 1000 Year door huh?

Goombella: Yes Koops. That's why we're here If you'd put down the DSi already.

Koops: I'm playing Nintendogs!

Koops' DSi just died

Koops: NOOOO! I FORGOT TO SAVE! Why is Nintendo so flowed!?

Mario: I don't think you're allowed to say that.

Mario: ... Goombella? You have that star right?

Goombella: Yeah. Let me look for it.

Mario: How? That thing is almost as big as you are!

Koops: So I realized something... You guys have been risking your lives for some treasure behind the door? Thats pretty insane just for that you know.

Mario: Its alot more complicated than you think.

Goombella: I'm a dedicated ass college student. OH FOUND IT!

Goombella pulled out the **Wrath** Star from the void of nothingness that this parody nor original game can show for the sake of comedically obvious plot holes. So many games do this.

Mario: Sweet. Bout time. Alright. So how do I do this? Do I raise the star this time? Do I raise the Map? Both? What? I don't know.

Goombella: I think you place the star on 1 of the circles that connects the outer circumference of the shrine, then you raise the map in the center.

Koops: Why is the door so big? Are they trying to make a door for elephants or something?

Mario: I... don't understand what you just said just there.

Koops: Who me?

Mario: Both of you.

Goombella: What's new.

Goombella places the Star of **Wrath** into it's assumingly designated location.

Goombella: K Mario. Do that thing you did earlier with the map.

Mario: Yeah yeah…

Mario held the map up in the middle of the shrine. It soon began glowing again the same way it did before. If you need to know what the ritual looks like, watch a fucking letsplay or something!

Koops: HOLY SHIT WERE GONNA DIE!

Goombella: Were fine. Relax. This is a part of the adventure.

The map began to animate a giant black tree with white leaves in the upper middle part of the map. Wait... is this supposed to be a winter level? Or is it just some artsy bull crap. Who the fuck knows. A green dedly star popped up indicating that it lies somewhere in the tree. Say, have any of you ever wondered what if the stars were actually located somewhere outside of the map? Like, what if they were somewhere else on Earth? Do you think the map would just blow up or something?

After the ritual, the map floated back into Mario's hands.

Koops: Hey! Is that another dedly star on the map?

Goombella: Well yah! duh Koops.

Koops: I'm just double checking! Jeez.

Mario: So wait? Why the fuck is there giant tree in the background?

Koops: It looks cold.

Goombella: Hmm... yeah... I got no fucking clue man. Let's talk to the professor about it.

Koops: We have a professor? You guys don't tell me these things!

Mario: And we don't need to. Now shut up before I curve stomp your ass for asking too many annoying questions all the time.

**Chapture 3 - 5: Frankly, Luigi, Bar and Gus scenes. Did I give it away?**

_**[Ghettoport]**_

Mario and pals were standing in front of Frankly's house just about to enter.

Koops: Gosh... I'm kind of nervous to meet him.

Goombella: He's alright. Just try to use a little more social filter than usual. At best, he'll probably ignore you.

Koops: K. Thats fine.

_**[Professor Frankly's]**_

Mario hammer smashed through his door like an impatient asshole. They then caught Professor Frankly swallowing a jar of viagra!

Frankly: GOOD GARTERBELT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

Goombella: Woa! Professor? What kind of pills did you just take there?

Mario: Thats viagra Goombella.

Goombella: What!? Really? Why!?

Frankly: Well, you see, sometimes Goombas at my age have these things called "erectile dysfunction." They suck worse than the devil's fiery cunt! So I have to take these pill in order to sometime only even accumulate even half wood! If I don't have even have the slightest erection, I will never be able to masterbate again. Do you see my pain!?

Goombella: Yeah... but that's an awful lot of pills though! Are you gonna like, be alright!?

Frankly: Oh this is nothing! You wish you would have known me back in the 70s. I did 10 times more drugs every hour than the love child between Elvis Presley and Willie Nelson! I'm a real deal!

Frankly: But just incase, call me back in 4 hours. I'm pretty sure even Thwomps know that.

Mario: That cool. So yeah. We almost died getting this 1st dedly star. Look.

Mario pulled out the star out of no where to show Frankly.

Frankly: Astounding! You actually did it! I was honestly expecting to receive a letter about a funeral instead!

Goombella: How cheerful... Yeah so the map did that thing again where it burned another location in the scenery. Can you tell us a bit about this place right here?

Koops: Yeah. Can you tell us where it is or not?

Goombella: Koops! Don't be rude! He's the fucking professor.

Mario: Yeah. Now, tell us where the next star is or I'll bust your fucking head open!

Goombella: What he said!

Frankly: Hmm... Very well then. Let me see it.

Frankly casually analyzed the location of where the next star is located.

Frankly: Ah yes! It appears to be located in the Boggly Woods somewhere. Specifically in the Great Tree of Might!

Goombella: The Great Tree of Might?

Koops: Why does that sound familiar?

Frankly: Oh you kids are probably just thinking about 1 of those over hyped Japanese Cartoons you grew up with when you were 8. Now from what I believe, this place has some strange black and white retro looking creatures here.

Koops: So... it looks like a winter level. Should we like, bring coats or something?

Frankly: It's not a winter level you imbecile! Now stop asking stupid questions or I'm gonna curve stomp you.

Mario: Thank you!

Koops: Aww geez...

Goombella: Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you professor. So... Princess Peach actually got captured.

Frankly: Yeah so? What in Nostradamus' Nuts is new?

Goombella: Well, you see, Mario got this... *gag* grammatically grotesque Facebook message... The guys who captured her ACTUALLY aren't Bowser for a change! From what I tried reading, they're on a hunt for the 7 dedly stars too.

Mario: You are such a grammar Nazi.

Goombella: OH SHUT UP! You can't even read!

Frankly: So let me get this straight, the people who kidnapped the Princess are also after the stars? What in Miyamoto's Mind are they trying to accomplish!? All this for some old welfare check!? Or was it old food stamps? I mean, I don't know. Its just my theory.

Mario: No fucking idea man. All I know is that in the name of pussy, I am gonna put my foot threw them twice as fast as you'r ass!

Koops: Thats a new expression.

Frankly: Yes. I do recommend you go do that assuming this does not really involve my rear end. Welp, I suppose you 2... I mean 3 are off to Boggly Woods now.

Mario, Goombella, and Koops suddenly noticed Frankly's abnormal sized erection bulging throw his garments.

Mario: Hey Frankly, I think them V pills are starting to kick in... alot...

Goombella: Yeah like, eww Frankly.

Frankly: Relax Goombella. It's nothing you've never seen or sucked before.

Mario: Pffffft HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA!

Koops: I don't get it.

Goombella: Screw all of you!

Frankly began directing his attention to Koops.

Frankly: Yes. what's your name again?

Koops: I'm Koops!

Frankly: Yeah. Fuck you!

Frankly escorted them all out the door.

Goombella: Wait! You never told us how to get to Boggly Woods!

Frankly: OH FIGURE IT OUT YOU DAMN DIRTY NINCOMPOOPS!

Frankly: AND STOP DESTROYING MY DAMN DOORS!

Frankly kicked Mario, Goombella, and Koops out 20 feet away using his painfully enlarged erect cock. He might need to call 911 for that.

Mario: YOUR FUCKING DICK IS A FUCKING DICK!

_**[Regular Ghettoport]**_

Luigi: Sup Mario!? What'sa crackalackin!?

Mario: Oh hey Luigi. What's up?

Goombella: Hey! I didn't know Luigi would be here too!

Mario: Yeah. His ass came with me to this butt ugly place.

Koops: So why isn't he on this adventure with us?

Mario: I don't know. I just kind lost him a bit before that whole Robotnik shit went down.

Luigi: Well, bro, Its all good. I'm on my own adventure anyway.

Mario: Good. Cause I wasn't gonna let you join my M Team anyway. You're my brother and all, but your kind of a fuck.

Goombella: A what?

Luigi: Basically while you were gone, I did alot of crack, and started going on this adventure where I have to save Princess Ebola of the Blue Waffle Kingdom. Its pretty bad. She got captured by King Numb Nuts. I started smoking some good crack with some of the cabinet member of the Blue Waffle Kingdom.

Goombella: This all sounds REALLY made up.

Luigi: Wanna hear about it Mario?

Mario: No.

Luigi: Well alright then.

Luigi: So uhh... After you took off and didn't find me after I went flying, my butt hole area started bleeding alot from that Nibbles thing. So I did had to cook a shit ton of crack just to distract myself from the pain and bleeding. So I got this letter right? Actually, I found it while fighting a pack of rabid pit bulls naked for it. So I opened it, and if I could remember, it said "Sirs! My name is Crap! I am the presiden- no... SUPREME PRESIDENT of the far out "Blue Waffle Kingdom." Our land has been attacked by a bunch of loonatics slamming their nuts and hairy scrotums at our Kingdom. King Numb Nuts took our Princess Ebola by majically stretching his own foreskin and wrapped it around her like a lasso. I nay BEG for your ASS-istance! WE NEED YOU! SAVE OUR ASSHOLES! Sincerely, Crap." With Mario - that's you, bro not to make you feel bad... dick- gone, I decided to rope myself into some bullshit cause no 1 was paying attention to me! I then did even much much more crack, I majically wound up in the Blue Waffle Kingdom. I mean, she sounded kind of hot. I had to write a note to remind myself how to make crack before I left. Seriously, I don't know why Peach is planning on giving the crack to the black people to kill them off. This shit is fucking GREAT! So 1ce I some how made it to the Blue Waffle Kingdom, I met SUPREME PRESIDENT Crap who filled me in. I seriously have to say it in all caps or else he'll fucking kill me. As you know like, King Numb Nuts totally got really horny so he kidnapped Princess Ebola to fix his evil blue balls. Nothing like Blue Balls in a Blue Waffle am I right hehe! But no. Seriously, like, so like, there's this majical compass that broke into 7 cliche pieces by a cliche curse. So they've scattered across the Blue Waffle Kingdom. Can you believe how cliche that is bro!? It gets even more half assed and cliche than that! Each piece I find, points to the next 1! Sounds familiar huh? Since 1 of the pieces is located in Princess Ebola's boob job, I should be able to find-fuck her! Pretty Smart huh? The SUPREME PRESIDENT gave me a compass base to put the pieces in! And get this! The base worked as a compass for the first piece! It pointed me to the deep south. Not the kind of "deep south" your thinking of! No! I mean I gotta go to Rumblebutt Volcano on the Poontang Cuntinent! Then suddenly, I randomly got up after sleeping on some1s roof naked. He thretened to call the Hawiian Mafia on me cause apperantly I was "passed out" on his roof covered in crack. Which is BULLSHIT! Cause I know what I saw! You can't disprove that shit. Trust me! I totally wasn't hilusonating! And if some1 questions me, I'll fucking stab them! THIS IS 100% NOT THE FUCKING CRACK TALKING! RIGHT GUYS!?

Mario, Goombella, and Koops woke up after they fell asleep standing up part of the way through Luigi's gay ugly retarded story.

Koops: Oh sorry. Hehe. We fell asleep.

Goombella: Yeah no offense, but that was pretty dumb. All of it.

Luigi: Uhh... MARIO! What did you think of it.

Mario: Luigi, that was the worst shit I have ever heard and you should kill yourself!

Mario, Goombella, and Koops took off leaving Luigi awkwardly stranded.

Luigi: If you guys wanna hear what I've been up to! Let me know!

Mario yelled at Luigi off screen

Mario: Yeah yeah, Go fuck yourself!

The 3 of them decided to make a detour to Podley' Pub for some drinks. And by "the 3 of them," I mean who do you think!?

_**[Podley's Pub]**_

The background music playing was _We Won't Be Fooled Again by the Who._

Mario and his Partners were seated at the bar 1ce again.

Goombella: So why exactly are we in a bar when we should be looking for the next star?

Mario: I think we could all use a little breather. Besides, this kind of joint is my comfort zone.

Koops: I don't know if I like it here. I've seen alot of bar fights on TV.

Mario: Well have you ever been to a real bar before?

Koops: I'm 18.

Podley: What can I do for you all?

Mario: Yeah get my ass 3 shots of Captain Morgan?

Podley: K. How bout you mam?

Goombella: Can I get 1 uh… mmm… whats a name of a beer?... OH! 1 Bud Lite please?

Mario: You sure you're gonna finish it this time? I mean, no 1s that bad at drinking!

Goombella: Yeah. I think after trying marijuana, I think I can handle it.

Random people in the background started yelling "CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG" as 1 of them started chugging Miller Lite down 1 of them beer funnels.

Mario: Alright, but if you don't finish it, I'm dumping it on your helmet.

Podley: Alright. What about you sir?

Koops: I'll have... uhhhh... I'll just have a... can I just have a glass of milk?

Podley: We... don't serve milk…

Mario and even Goombella facepalmed harder than you can imagine.

Koops: Oh hehe... I'll just have water then.

Podley: Alright... lame ass. That will be 8 coins total.

Mario payed Podley so he can begin serving other fucks in the bar.

Koops: Wow! I thought I was gonna get kicked out for not being 21.

Goombella: Nah. Podley doesn't card.

Mario: Koops. What the hell is with the water man?

Koops: Sorry. I just don't like the taste of alcohol. Is there anything wrong with that?

Mario: Here. Take this stupid shot and enjoy it.

Mario slided 1 of his shots of Captain Morgan for Koops.

Koops: Umm... I'm a little nervous. I can't even stand the smell of it.

Mario: Its just a shot of rum dude. *sniff sniff* Don't even think about drinking it. Just do it.

2 Random drunks in the background began having a rude beer farting contest.

Koops: Well gee. Alright then…

Koops quickly took the shot of Captain Morgan and BLEERRRGGGED all over a man holding a baby on his lap next to him.

Random guy: Hey! Thats my baby I'm only able to split 2% of custody with for some reason!

Koops: Oh sorry.

Random hobo (Age 51): Hi. You have a balloon?

Koops: Uhh... what? Uhh no... uhh sorry.

Random hobo: I like balloons.

Koops: Okay then...

Random hobo: I really like balloons. They're amazing.

Koops: Uhh... cool...

Random hobo: Have you seen my balloon!?

Mario started to get irritated as Koops' passive replies.

Mario: Koops, I'll handle this.

Mario: HEY RETARD! WE DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING BALLOONS! NOW FUCK OFF BEFORE I COMPULSIVELY SNAP AND KICK YOUR ASS!

Random hobo: I like balloons.

Mario: Oh for fuck sakes! You look like the deformed siamese twin of Santa Claus after he discarded you into an African Village by kicking you off of his slay. If you learned how to read, I bet you would read about how to wipe your ass and how to get a fucking job. Now crawl back to your fucking dumpster you fucking retard.

Goombella: Jeez Mario!

Random hobo: Hehe. Okay…

Thanks to Mario, the random hobo fucked off.

Koops: Wow! That rum really burned my throat.

Some1 in the background started drunk laughing hysterically at a holocaust joke in the background.

Goombella: Yeah. I don't know if I'm able to drink rum any time soon. I'm barely able to drink this bud light. I'm doing better than last time though!

Mario: You are all pussies…

Mario drink both of his remaining 2 shots at 1ce.

Mario: See that. Thats how to fucking drink!

Mario got so excited that he slammed Koops' face on the bar table.

Koops: Owww...

Mario: ROCK N' ROLL!

The songs changed to _Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin._

Mario got on top of the bar and took off his shirt and started swinging it around like Muscle Man.

Mario: WOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario poured Goombella's beer on her helmet!

Goombella: HEY! I WAS GONNA FINISH THAT!

Mario: I'M THE GREATEST!

Podley: Hey get off of there!

Mario: Yeah whatever!

Mario got back in his seat.

Mario: Yeah. I got into the heid of the moment there.

Goombella: How has an obnoxious asshole like yourself never gotten killed yet?

Mario: Cause I'm fucking Mario.

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense! Right Koops?

Koops began looking up more Simpsons Hentai while in a bar.

Goombella: Koops! What the fuck is you with Simpson's porn!?

Mario: And why are you looking up hentai in a fucking bar!?

Koops: I think Patti and Selma are alot hotter when Im drunk... hehe. See how 1 is licking the other's butthole while the 1 getting her butt hole licked is wearing a funny looking pig tail shaped dildo?

2 guys random yelled Jinga after pushing their friend off his bar stool violently for no reason.

Goombella: Uhh... That doesn't answer my question. Actually, why am I even asking. I must be drunk.

Mario: No your not.

Koops: I just find it a little relatable how The Simpsons have yellow skin. I have yellow skin. They have big round eyes. I have big round eyes. Makes more sense huh?

Goombella: I don't even know anymore. You're just an idiot. Thats all I have to say. Anyway, we should get going.

Mario: But were having so much fun!

Koops: Yeah me 2.

Goombella: Do you guys not notice the fight over that guy yelling "Jinga" just now?

Koops: Yeah... good point.

Mario: WOOOO!

Mario got up and ran as he started smashing the 3 drunks with his hammer!

Goombella: We gotta go Mario!

Mario: Yeah alright.

_**[Ghettoport]**_

They made another trip to Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop where they purchased some drugs and shit for their next misadventure.

_[Inventory: 2 Shrooms, 2 Fire Weed, 2 POW Blocks, &amp; 2 jar of honey flavored vagelly syrup, and 2 Tasty Tonic waters.]_

And now they are off to their journey. But wait!

Koops: So wait, what's the Tonic stuff for again?

Goombella: It's this drink we'll need incase we get poisoned or burned. Or even if we need to sober up so we don't hallucinate from shrooms and shit. Right Mario?

Mario: I still think it's a little silly that you made me buy that shit. I fight so much better when I'm on drugs.

Goombella: Correction. You think you do cause you have an addictive personality. We need to heal from the mushrooms yes, but at the same time, we can't afford to hallucinate during dire situations.

Mario: Yes we can!

Goombella: We were just lucky we didn't need the schrooms prior to the Hooktail battle or we would have been fucked.

Mario: You mean Murder-Fucked!

Goombella: Shut up!

Koops: So how do you know that they'll work?

Goombella: I googled it while we were having that party yesterday. I almost got malware on my phone in the process but it was worth it.

Koops: ... why?

Mario: HEY IS THAT THAT ASSHOLE FROM EARLIER!?

Gus was seen doing his usual tollway job. You know, casually smoking a pack of Newports and shit.

Gus: Oh hell no. It's you bitches again.

Mario started intensely marching over to him.

Mario: Oh... Don't think I've forgotten bout you cock sucker!

Gus: I'm sorry? Did you want me to fuck your ass up bitch?

Koops: Does Mario know this guy?

Goombella: He's this toll guard that Mario has a mindless beef with. Incase you haven't noticed, he goes totally out of his way alot to start this shit... HEY MARIO! WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF! WE GOT PLACES TO GO!

Mario: 1 second, I gotta grind up this faggot organ's to feed them to some sick cats.

Gus: Oh you ready to go bitch!? Cause we can go right now nigga!

Mario: Yeah bitch, ready to get face fisted you fucking nigger fetus!

Gus: WHATCHU CALL ME BITCH!?

Koops: Goombella I'm scared!

Mario: I SAID YOUR A FUCKING NIGGER FETUS!

Gus: Oh hell no! That it!

Gus slashed Mario's face with his spear: [3 Damage]

Mario: Ouch Suck my jode!

Mario hammer smashed Gus: [2 Damage]

Mario: You like that nigger fetus!

Goombella: C'mon Mario! This isn't even a [BATTLE MODE]. This is just fucking savage!

Koops: Yeah.

Gus stabbed Mario's arm with the spear: [3 Damage]

Koops: Can we PLEASE GO!?

Mario: No fuck that! He deserves to die like the pathetic nigger fetus he knows he is.

Goombella: MARIO! STOP SOUNDING DRUNK AND RACIST! Save your energy for the necessary fights!

Goombella started biting Mario away from Gus like last time.

Mario: THIS IS NECESSARY!1

Goombella: Koops! Help me drag him out of here.

Koops and Goombella pulled Mario away from Gus beofre the fight got obscenely more retarded. Mario was very literally kicking and screaming.

Gus: You're lucky I have a job to do or I'd KICK YOUR BITCH ASS DED!

Mario: Oh fuck you! I'll Michael Brown you harder than any cop ever could you fucking nigger fetus! NIIIGGGEEERR FEETTUUUUSSS!

Was that joke more too soon, or too dark?

Gus: Next time I see you, I'm killing you! Seriously!

**Chapture 3 - 6: Tourette's Syndrome begins.**

_**[Ghettoport Sewer]**_

After that horrifying experience, Mario and pals decided to go back into the sewers to attempt to look for another warp pipe they may have missed.

They continued looking around after passing the usual obstacles to get around fighting enemies non canon and what not.

Mario: Guys?... Guys...?

Koops and Goombella were ignoring Mario for obvious reasons.

Mario: Are you guys giving me the silent treatment or something?

Koops: Uhh... no.

Goombella: Yeah! We're mad you cause you were being fucking racist.

Mario: We had this conversation before. I'm not fucking racist... he was just pissing me off so I was just trying to piss him off back the best way I could think of.

Goombella: You went out of your way to unprovokingly fight him. You're telling me that's not fucking racist?

Mario: Race had nothing to do with it. Toll booth people piss me off. Especially him. They just want to take advantage of where people decide to walk for their own gain. Its bullshit.

Goombella: But we didn't even need to go through him. Even so, we could have just paiid him, we have the money this time.

Mario: Fuck him. He was a fucking dick the 1st time I tried reasoning with him.

Goombella: So what? You're not over that.

Mario: Hell no! You mean you wouldn't do the same thing in my position?

Goombella: You'r position was not too far off from mine. You're just out of control thats all. I know you're not actually racist but sometimes I wonder.

Koops: Well I'm just not talking cause you were just being kinda scary thats all.

Mario: Koops. Shut up. Guys liston. I have anger issues. Don't take that shit I say seriously. Both of you should know this by now judging by my fucking character. I know what I say and do is fucked up and I don't care. I have issues that I don't ever expect any of you to understand.

Goombella: Whatever.

Koops: Yeah I guess I can see your point Mario.

That same small grey creature with the antenna I mentioned briefly from chapture 1 - 7 popped out again from the same crack on the wall as last time.

Gray Thing (Age 14): Cocknose cocknose cocknose

Goombella: Hey! Its that grey thing again!

The tiny grey creature thing hid back in the crack.

Mario: GET THAT TURD BALL!

Mario got in a crawling position and attempted to grab it through the crack unsuccessfully for a few minutes.

Goombella: Mario, leave the poor thing alone.

Mario: Thats 1 of the black and white things Frankly was talking about!

Goombella: Its grey.

Mario: SAME THING!

Mario started to charge his body into the wall attempting to break through it.

Goombella: Mario. Thats never gonna work.

Mario: Shut up. It'll work!

Koops: Hey guys look! A door! I think it leads us to that mouse/ slug thing.

Koops took a closer look noticing these prison bars blocking the way.

Goombella: Yeah but how are we gonna fit through the bars genius?

Koops: I'm working on it!

Koops started nibbling on them like a filthy rat as he was unsuccessful as hell!

Koops: Aww man! My teeth ache now! Can I wipe my sweaty hands off on your hair?

Goombella: Eww no! What the fuck would make you suggest that!?

Koops: Gosh. I don't know... I'm just coming up with ideas.

Mario: Guys guys... I have an idea that will actually work.

Mario started pressing his moobs together making him sweat bacon grease like from the curse.

Goombella: Oh great. Were doing that thing again where we have to rub ourselves all over you to get greasy and fit through the bars?

Mario: Yes. Yes we are.

Koops: Oh yeah! I remember doing that from the non canon obstacles that we skipped over.

Mario: Very good. You finally paid attention for 1ce

Goombella and Koops were forced to rub their bodies all over Mario to equip themselves with his greasy skin so they can fit through the bars. Goombella and Koops then successfully slipped through them bars.

Goombella: Hey wait. What about you Mario?

Mario: Oh I'm not giving up on breaking this wall.

Mario charged at the wall harder than ever and actually broke through it like the dangerous retard he is.

Goombella: So we got covered in Mario's greasy sweat for nothing? Great...

Koops: Yeah. I'm starting to get acne from it too.

Koops' face was briefly covered in zits.

As they walked to the room, they started to corner the grey creature.

Grey thing: GUYS! DON'T EAT ME! FUCKS FUCKS FUCKS!

Goombella: What? No! Were not gonna eat you.

Mario: Guess again nerd.

Mario then gave a creepy demonic stare at the thing.

Goombella: MARIO SHUT UP!

Grey thing: I'll show you you bully! COCKNOSE COCKNOSE COCKNOSE

The grey thing jumped on Mario crawling all around him!

Mario: GUYS GET IT OFF ME BEFORE IT CRAWLS UP MY ASSHOLE!

The grey thing got on Mario's head

Mario: I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU FUCK!

The thing pulled out a wooden bat and whacked Mario on the head knocking him out for awhile.

Grey Things: YOU 2 WANT SOME OF THIS!? HUH BITCH? BITCH? BITCH?

Koops: Whoa! Chillax dude! Were not here to eat you... I think.

Goombella: Yeah. Actually, thank you for smashing our leader unconscious. He kind of had it coming to be honest.

Grey thing: Oh for realzeez! Shit Shit shit! Thats good. I was about to piss all over the place. Oh what the hell hell hell.

It started to piss so much that it flooded the entire floor making it unavoidable to step in.

Koops: Ehhhwww...

Goombella: AHH COME ON GUY!

Mario's unconscious face and body was trenched in more piss than usual from it.

Goombella hopped on Mario so she wouldn't be stepping in piss kind of.

Goombella: So yeah. We saw you earlier so who are you?

Koops: Yeah. And what's with the way you curse? It sounds funny.

Grey thing: Oh... My fucking fucking fucking name is Punio. I am part of a race of Punies. And I can't help the swearing stuff... I have tourette syndrome. Its a serious struggle on mine so please don't' make fun of it. Penis Penis Weenis.

Koops: Why? I think it's awesome!

Just another disclaimer: This is not how tourette's syndrome actually works. If you think so, well YOUR A FUCKING RETARD!

Goombella: Koops. Settle down. So by any chance, do you know about this place called the Boggly Woods?

Punio: Boggly woods? Uhh... I don't know what that place is. ASSHOLE SHIT COCK FUCK PUSSY ASS TWAT CUCK!

Punio started shivering and sweating giving a ded giveaway that hes bullshiting.

Koops: Whoa! You're SO good at swearing! Cock cock cock!

Punio: SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPP!

Punio: Sorry about that. You guys aren't X- Nauts are you? Cuck cuck cuck.

Koops: No. Were from the M Team. That other name just sounds like some fucking brand of fucking fucky fuck tissues.

Punio: You guys really aren't X- Nauts?

Goombella: Wait! I remember this guy who tried attack me when I came here. He address his henchmen as X-Nauts! Do they smell like shit and wear these gimpy looking tights with a big "X" symbol on their chests?

Punio: Well... Yeah! Yesterday, these ugly looking cucks cucks cucks came inside our Great Tree of Might and started tearing it apart! They created these metal doors and they just mutilated our home! Its so cunt cunt cunt!

Goombella: Oh no! I guess they're causing more trouble than we thought huh?

Mario started pissing himself mixed with Punio's piss.

Koops: Did the fucking piss get damn warmer?

Goombella: So I'm assuming they're after 1 of the dedly stars huh?

Punio: Maybe! I remember them mentioning something about seeking and destroying in any means necessary for the Star of **Envy?** Is that what it's fuck fuck fuck called?

Punio: Say! Since you guys seem eager to find it, and being against those X- Nauts and all, you folks think you can sluts sluts sluts help me out? Maybe the Puni Elder can help you guys out with getting the star afterwards? Please! I'm begging you! They have my family captured! Who knows what they're gonna do with them! They seem really perverted too! I'm so bitching bitching biching scared! DICKS DICKS DICKS!

Goombella: Of course we'll help you! Even if this was a side quest we would still help out.

Koops: Yeah. Your fucking awesome as fuck!

Goombella: Yeah. Despite you pissing everywhere, you're just so cute!

Punio: Me... cute...?

Punio started to blush alot.

Punio: SLUT BITCH CUNT!

Goombella: HEY!

Punio blushed even more.

Punio: OH GOD SORRY! I HATE TOURETTES!

Koops: I wish I had turrets.

Punio: NO YOU DON'T! VAGINAL DISCHARGE! VAGINAL DISCHARGE! VAGINAL DISCHARGE!

Goombella: So wait, you must know how to get to Boggly Woods then.

Punio: Yeah... I do. Gimme 1 second. Fucks fucks fucks

Punio disappeared momentarily only to reappear behind then to knock Goombella out cold with a wooden bat like what happened to Mario. I know she wears a helmet, just don't think about it.

Koops: WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT HELL DID YOU DO TO-

Then he whacked Koops with the bat. Then he pulled down the blanket blended in with the wall unveiling a grey warp pipe. He soon dragged the bodies into the pipe pushing them down... not gently.

_**[?]**_

Koops woke up in a dark blank room all alone.

Koops: Whoa... Where am I?

Goombella: Hey Koops?

Koops: Hey Goombella. What happened?

Goombella gently undressed herself in front of Koops.

Koops: Whoa... hehe.. Whats going on?

Goombella: Koops. Take me.

Goombella became completely undressed and started kissing Koops all over his face.

Koops: Whoa... I'm liking this.

Koopie Koo came out of the dark as well.

Koopie: Koops!

Koops: Oh hey uhh... Koopie Koo.. Hows it-

Koopie Koo: WHAT ARE YOU DOING KISSING THAT GOOMBA!?

Goombella continued to kiss Koops all over as she started taking off his clothes.

Koops: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I SWEAR!

Koopie Koo: Without me…

Koopie Koo undressed herself and started playing with Koops' genitals.

Koops: Oh! You're taking this better than I expected!

Ms Mowz: Koops remember me?

Koops: Yes I do! Your Ms. Mouse! What are you-

Ms. Mowz: Shh..shh..shh... Its okay... Relax...

Ms. Mowz pulled down Koops' pants and started crawling up his ass.

Koops: WHOA WHOA! DONT DO... Ahhh…

Koops began to feel a tingling sensation in his rectal area.

Koops: Gee wizz... I never expected that to feel so amazing…

Mario: Hey Koops...

Koops: AH MARIO! GET OUT OF HERE!

Mario: Calm down Koops. Just enjoy this moment. This is all for you…

Mario began to take his clothes off revealing his unflatteringly hairy Ron Jeremy shaped body.

Koops: Wait... whats going on? WHAT ARE YOU... NOO NOOO! DONT DO THAT!

Mario began rubbing Koops' nipples while he started grinding his junk between Koops' ass cheeks.

Koops: OKAY OKAY! I'M STARTING NOT TO LIKE THIS! GET AWAY FROM ME! ALL OF YOU!

Mario: Just have fun Koops. This is all for you... all for you...

Goombella, Koopie Koo, and Ms Mowz started chanting "all for you... it's all for you...all for you... it's all for you...all for you... it's all for you.."

Their flesh all started to melt off turning into creepy skeletons grabbing on to Koops.

Koops: HEEEELLLPPP! SOME1 PLEAASEE! I DON'T WANNA DIE! HEELLLPPPP!

The skeletons were all pulling Koops' limb making them feel like they were ready to pull off.

Koops: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!

A mysterious female looking shadow rose from the ground and pulled Koops out of the ground and under into safety.

Mysterious Shadow Girl: Koops, are you alright?

Koops: Yeah! Thank you so much. Uhh... Who are you exactly!

Mysterious Shadow Girl: Hey...

Koops: What?

Mysterious Shadow Girl: Wake up...

Koops: What do you mean?

**Chapture 3 - 7: Drug Trip based Woods.**

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 20th, 2004. It is 4:20 PM, Cloudy and 63 Degrees F.]

_**[Boggly Woods]**_

Koops woke up from that intense dream. You... you knew that whole sex thing with Goombella and them was a dream right? Good. Basically, they entered this black and white looking forest with black trees, white leaves and lots and lots of bushes, surreal looking black and rainbow terrain, and a greyish yellowish sun set with pearl necklace looking things hanging from the sky. Seriously. This place looks like a fucking drug trip! If you've played the game, you'll know how fucking trippy this place looks. This is what Nintendo creates on LSD. I would advice you look up "Boggly Woods" If you don't know what I mean cause I don't think even I can't describe that shit!

Punio: Wake up! Wake Up! Fuckstains Fuckstains Fuckstains!

Punio shook Mario, Goombella, and Koops awake.

Mario: Holy shit. Where are.. what the fuck is this trippy looking place? I don't remember taking acid recently!

Goombella: Wait... Is this the Boggly Woods?

Punio: Yup. dicks... dicks dicks.

Koops got up feeling really weird like he just had a weird dream. Waking up in Boggly Woods probably made him think he's still dreaming and shit.

Goombella: DUDE! You didn't need to hit us with a bat Punio! What the hell!

Punio: What? This?

Punio held up a bat.

Punio: No! Its not a bat, it's my stick of teleportation! Labia Labia Labia.

Mario: Then why is there a warp pipe behind up?

Punio and them looked over at the warp pipe.

Punio: Oh shit... I was trying to keep it a secret of how you guys got here. Asshole Asshole Asshole.

Koops: Guys... Wanna hear about this strange dream I had just there?

Everyone else: NO!

Koops: Aww man. But some of you are in it!

Everyone else still: NO!

Koops: …

Koops noticed he had his first ever wet dream in his life. His dick felt all weird and post ejaculation like after figuring out he had a little sperm leakage from his dick after sticking his hand down his pants. Luckily for his sake, he felt the need not to address it.

Mario: Look, how we got here isn't important. Lets just find this Great Tree shit and get our star.

Goombella: Yeah. Hey Punio, next time you hit me with that thing, I'm feeding you to Mario.

Mario: Oh yeah. No. I was actually trying to scare him. You're too ugly for me to eat.

Punio: Screw you Asshole.

Mario: You didn't say it 3 times...

Punio: I know. Jews Jews Jews.

Somewhere else located in the woods, the 3 Shadow Sirens rose up from the ground to discuss their plans given from Grodus.

Beldam: Mmmmwee hee hee hee! Lets get started w-w-w-w-w-w-with our operation sisters…. Marilyn, Vivian, do you 2 understand the p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-plan?

Marilyn: GUUUHHHH!

Beldam: Excelect understanding skills Marilyn. How about you VIvian?

Vivian: Alright.. well...

Beldam: Recite them in order of letter please.

Vivian: Uhh...Okay... A. Were supposed to find Team M... right?

Beldam: Correct.

Vivian: Umm... B. We do away with them...?

Beldam: Keep g-g-going...

Vivian: Oh gosh... And C... is to take the map?

Beldam: Well done... But I must say, your sister Marilyn spoketh of the plan with much more confidence.

Vivian: But she just said that "Guh" thing she always does.

Beldam grabbed Vivian's hair pulling it in a downward jerking matter.

Vivian: OWW!

Beldam: You moron! Do not disrespect your older sister who is clearly of a higher rank than you!

Marilyn began inhaling a bag of Jumbo sized Cheetos like a vacuum cleaner.

Vivian: Okay! Sorry sis. I'll know better next time...

Beldam: YOU HAD AN ENTIRE M-M-M-M-M-MILLENNIUM TO KNOW BETTER!

Vivian: I know I know... I'm sorry, I just haven't been able to understand her like how you do.

Beldam took a hit off of her crack pipe.

Vivian: I really wish you didn't smoke that in front of me….

Beldam: RELAX STUPID! I CAN QUIT ANYTIME I WANT! BUT THIS HELPS ME FOCUS ON SHIT! ALSO, I DONT NEED TO QU-QU-QU-QUIT. NOR DO I W-W-WANT TO!

Vivian: It's just that it makes you kind of... you know... I just hate watching you destroy yoursel-

Beldam smacked Vivian in the face hard.

Beldam: Do I give you sh-sh-sh-sh-shit for listening to that wretched filth you call music or... rock n roll... or whatever?

Marilyn burped real loudly smelling like Cheetos.

Vivian: Theres... nothing wrong with punk rock... I understand you don't like it and you keep destroying my bass guitars... but-

Beldam: It just makes you dumber than you already are. I destroy those things because it is a waste of t-t-t-t-t-t-time.

Vivian: Well I bet if you let me play, 1 day, I could learn how to be like 1,000,000 Cliff Burtons!

Beldam: You will never be like 1,000,000 Cliff Burtons you incompetent harlett! Stop talking back to your leader!

Marilyn pulled out a random wedding cake from her hat and started eating it by slamming her face in it.

Beldam: And m-m-m-m-m-m-may I just ask what's that you're holding in your hand VIvian.

Vivian forgot she was holding something in her hand the whole time.

Vivian: Me? Oh. I just found this pearl necklace dangling on this tree... It must have been there for a long time. I think it must have fallen out of the sky or something! It looks nice right?

Beldam: You greedy wench VIvian. Hoarding trash like the dirty little cretin you are. Besides its a "pearl necklace!" Do you have any clue what that symbolizes? I means that you like to get jizzed on.

Vivian: Huh?

Beldam: A pearl necklace refers to the dot like drops of an ejaculation when a man climaxes on your neck and chest after inserting his penis between your breasts. And that is why that necklace would make you look like a whore if you put it on.

Beldam: Whatever, on to m-m-m-m-m-m-more important matters. Bring me the photo of Team M's leader!

Vivian: Eeep! What do you mean!? You said it was way too important for me to handle. More important than my own life specifically, so you decided to hold onto it!

Beldam: I SAID NO SUCH THING!

Beldam started injecting heroin into her shadowy veins.

Beldam: You idiot bitch. I left you in charge of it. I don't understand how a pathetic poor excuse for a sister such as yourself could fail at such a s-s-s-s-s-s-simple task!

Beldam abusively pulled Vivian's arm in a jerking motion downward making her fall.

Vivian slowly got up with her hat all dirty and started to tear up.

Vivian: But I...sniff... I'm so sorry...

Merilyn started shaking a random tree eating anything that would fall out.

Vivian: I ... I know you didn't let me touch it the- touch the photo because you said you didn't trust me with it the same way you didn't let me attempt to open the box with the map in it.

Beldam: If you think you could have opened that box! You're wrong. Shadows like us do not have pure hearts! You should know better than that!

Beldam started huffing paint from a paper bag.

Beldam: Marilyn! Stop eating from that tree! Its not EDIBLE!

Marilyn began licking then eat the tree bark.

Beldam: Now back to my point. Since you keep talking back to your leader you ditzy cunt.

Vivian gasped.

Beldam: Since you think you're 1 of your dumb rebellious rock and roll stars, I'll be taking your whore necklace!

Vivian: But why!?

Beldam: SHUT UP!

Beldam viciously head butted Vivian's face knocking her back causing her to lose her grip of the necklace.

Vivian started crying on the ground.

Vivian: I can't believe this always happens... sniff sniff...

Beldam: I'll Pawn this for meth later.

Beldam: Anyway, I'll show you for talking back to me.

Beldam grabbed Vivian's hair dragging her around in circles like yesterday's luggage.

Beldam: Do you want to look weak in front of Team M!?

Vivian: AAHHH IM SORRY!

Marilyn ripped the tree out of the ground and swallowed it whole.

During when this is going on, the real M Team showed up as they casually walked past the Shadow Sirens.

Goombella: You know, I thought it was gonna be alot colder here than I expected.

Koops: Hey! I was saying that earlier!

Mario: Ugg.. How much longer do we have to go.

Punio: Be patient! You can use a walk! Douche douche douche

Mario: AHAHA... Is that a fat joke huh!? Well, you look like a-

Goombella: Mario! Cut your "you look like a" insult shit out for a change!

Mario: Oh just you wait Goombella. Mark my words, I'm gonna say it! Like, seriously, I will say it.

Koops paused and began to notice the 3 shadows doing their shit.

Koops: Why does that 1 pink haired girl getting dragged around seem so familiar? Wait! Guys! Shouldn't we go help her out!? We can always use an extra partner!

Beldam overhears and yells back while punishing Vivian.

Beldam: EAT MY ASS KOOPA!

Vivian: HELP ME!

Marilyn: GUH!

Koops: HANG ON! ILL SAVE YO-

Goombella and Mario: Koops! Come on!

Koops: Aww man... COMING!

Soon enough as we speak, they found the Great Tree of Might!

Koops: We found the Great Tree of Might!

Punio: That's just a regular tree... dumbass. That's the Great Tree of Might over there!

Punio points to it from a far!

Goombella: Holy shit! That thing is huge!

Mario: Why thank you.

Goombella: Shut up dingus! I MEANT the-

Mario: Oh I know what meant... hehe.

Goombella: ... CAN SOME 1 HELP ME WITH THIS!?

Punio: To get to the tree, we gotta take a warp pipe! Douchebag Douchebag Douchebag!

Mario: Great... We gotta find another warp pipe with some majical rocks and shit? How about we use my kidney stones this time!

Punio: It's right here dude... hemorrhoids hemorrhoids hemorrhoids!

Punio pointed the warp pipe right in front of them.

Mario: Well alright then!

The 4 strange characters teleportopipped to the Great Tree of Might.

Punio: Well here it is! genitals genitals genitals!

Koops: Wow! This tree is really is huge! Its bigger than the tree house Finn and Jake live in!

Goombella: Wait... you like Adventure Time! Holy Shit! I thought you like, had only bad taste and whatnot!

Koops: Yeah! Its 1 of my favorite new shows on Cartoon Network.

Goombella: Wait, so whos your favorite character?

Koops: I like the Ice King. I like the more comic relief like characters of the show. The guy who voices him also does the voice of Spongebob so hes cool.

Goombella: Huh... I thought his voice sounded familiar. I would say my favorite comic relief character is LSP.

Koops: You mean Lumpy Space Princess?

Goombella: Yeah. But overall, I would say Marceline is my favorite. Its hard to explain. Shes just a cool character thats all.

Koops: Yeah I like her alot. LemonGrab is another funny character too.

Goombella: Ehh... he's alright. Like, he does have his good moments yeah. Sometimes he can be a little annoying at other moments.

Koops: Yeah. I see what you're saying. Wow! This is our first real conversation isn't it!

Punio: GUYS! WHAT THE HELL HELL HELL DID THEY DO TO OUR TREE!? FUCK ASS ANAL CUM BEARS!

Goombella: We'll talk more about Adventure Time later! Whats going on Punio!?

Punio: Those X-Nauts must have installed a door! OH BOB SAGET! How are we going to save my family now!? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK !

Koops: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!

Mario: X-Nauts? Why does that shit sound familiar?

Goombella: Weren't you there when Punio informed us on- Oh right. He knocked you out first.

Koops: We'll have to inform you later.

Mario: Hey! I thought the leader was supposed to be informed on what the fuck is going on!?

Punio: Shut up! We have bigger things to worry about! Cock cock cock!

Mario: Fuck you grey turd!

Punio: Can somebody get this ass clown to shut up!?

Mario: OKAY! No 1 tell this asshole about what [Initiation Mode] is!

Punio: What?

Mario: COUGH COUGH! NOTHING! Sorry. Bit of a cold.

Punio: AHH! I'm sorry everyone! I feel like a failure... Ohh... what are we gonna do? ovarian cyst ovarian cyst ovarian cyst.

Mario: I GOT IT!

Mario attempted to excessively Smash through the red titanium door thinking it will work!

Goombella: That's not gonna work Mario...Like, hello? Its a metal door!

Mario: HOLD ON! JUST! GIVE IT! A! FUCKING! SECOND!

Koops: Hey... Don't take it so fucking hard buddy... At least the tree looks fucking sturdy... Its sturdy as fuck!

Punio: Yeah... pussy pussy pussy. WAIT! I GOT AN IDEA! budussy budussy budussy!

Punio: The Puni Elder told us about a secret entrance somewhere in the tree. We might be able to find a way through if we look hard enough! Dutchbags Dutchbags Duchbags!

Mario walked to Punio while he was panting from attempting to break down the door with his hammer and body.

Mario: So what, we gotta climb this tree or something?

Punio: Well... No. You see, the extra hole to get in is invisible. Some part of this tree has some camouflage blanket covering up the hole. So we just dig deep, and see if we can find that tiny little hole. Bangcock! Bangcock! Bangcock!

Koops: That would be a good "That's what she said joke."

Mario: That doesn't make any sense. Wouldn't we notice it or something? Can't we just smash a new hole on the tree?

Mario pulled out his hammer getting ready to smash holes in the tree.

Punio: Don't even think about it retard!

Mario: What other choice do we have?

Mario attempted to smash holes in the tree and failed every time.

Mario: IS THIS TREE MADE OUT OF FUCKING LED OR SOMETHING!?

Punio: I have a better idea! Flurrie! Madame Flurrie can help us! Fuck Pussy Fuck Pussy Fuck Pussy.

Goombella: Madame Who?

Koops: Sounds like a milkshake from McDonalds. I know cause I used to work there. My band aid fell into 1 I made there.

Mario: Guys... Madame Flurrie is a famous cloud looking porn star from the 80s. She's not just some ordinary porn star neither. No. She was famous for her skat fetishing films.

Goombella: Eww... You would know some1 like that...

Koops: I don't get it. What's "skat?"

Goombella: "Shit"... It means "shit" Koops.

Koops: Oh... huh... cool.

Mario: Yeah. Shes won 4 Woodies for exotically shitting and puking on various celebrities. 1 of them being President Reagan. Some say it was an impersonator though. I have almost an entire collection of her tapes. I even have this 1 where some1 froze 1 of her turds. He used it as a dildo so he can-

Goombella: OKAY THATS ENOUGH INFORMATION MARIO!

Mario: Wait... so does this mean she lives around here or something?

Punio: Well yeah actually! If we just keep heading east, we'll be able to find her house! She might be able to use her wind powers to blow the mysterious blanket off. GOOCH GOOCH GOOCH!

Mario: By blow wind, you mean her ass wind?

Punio: Yes... SHITS SHITS SHITS!

Goombella: Well I guess we just need to keep walking east like last time...

Mario: Yeah. She must have retired or something cause I haven't seen any of her shit since the early 90s. For once, I'm actually excited to meet some1 in this region!

**Chapture 3 - 8: Everyone's favorite character!**

Madame Flurrie just woke up despite the fact that it is currently 4:59 PM by now. Her room is well decorated with glass frames, and a queen sized porn bed.

Madame Flurrie (Age 49): Ahh... What a lovely day to make love to myself in the woods. Yes. Indeed! Pulling a house out of my ass literally out of my arse was indeed just the finest idea I ever did had! Oh my... yes..

Flurrie started playing with her front butt as she was trying to find her pearl necklace.

Madame Flurrie: This was such an amazing way to retire from that fleshbulb of society. It's so peaceful. I was must done with that wretched place and now like all retired porn stars, I live here in some fucked up woods where no 1 can find me. What is even better is that I am Madame Flurrie! The best person to ever be in the world ever.

Flurrie started to smell her fingers after playing with herself. Some people call this clam digging if you know what I mean.

Flurrie: I suppose if I live hare much longer, I'll feel the need to make a come back to the stage where maybe I can shit on another President. Maybe modern day society will accept my brilliant stunt ideas! After all, it is 2004 where we have Facebook, Twerking, and "#"s!

Flurrie started to pick her nose after putting her fingers in other fowl parts of her own body.

Flurrie: Hmm... In order to do this successfully, I will need my famous Pearl Necklace.

Flurrie: I... could have sworn, I had it here! I had it hanging facing my mirror.

Flurrie impatiently started to have a panic attack as she struggled to find her necklace.

Flurrie: IT'S GONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Flurries yell was loud enough for everyone to hear.

Meanwhile, The M Team and Punio continued heading towards Flurrie's house.

Punio: I'm getting really sick of you making fun of my tourettes asshole! SUCK DICK SUCK DICK SUCK DICK!

Mario: "My names Punio and I can't take it when people makes fun of my swearing!"

Punio: SHUT UP!

Mario: Oh yeah! I almost forgot! PUNIO SUCKS DICK PUNIO SUCKS DICK PUNIO SUCKS DICK!

Punio: I'm gonna kill you FATASS!

Mario and Punio started to viciously fight each other like 2 retards fighting over a He-Man action figure.

Goombella: Will you guys knock it off!

Loud Voice from the Background: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Koops: Whoa! What the fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck was that!

Punio: Hey! That must be Madame Flurrie! We must be getting close! Penisland Penisland Penisland!

Goombella: Sweet! Lets keep going then!

Mario: I am about so ready to lose my shit right now!

Immediately, a gang of 3 strange black and white creatures pooped out of no where. They were all sulking depressed creatures consisting of a Black and White Piranha Plant, a white cloud with a face known as a dark puff ironically, and a Cleft similar to the 1s from the filler chapture section of 2 -3 if you remember reading that part, or if you played the game. Only this cleft has spikes on it's head.

Pale Piranha: Check out these fags guys!

Cleft: Yeah! Where do you people get your shoes? Kohl's or something?

Dark Puff: No! I bet they shop at gap like a couple of asspies!

Mario: Why must we encounter a gang of retards every chapture?

Cleft: Yo guys! I say we should kick their asses for conforming so hard to society.

Pale Piranha: Hehe. Yeah. Lets show them how meaningless life is.

Punio: OH NO! I was afraid of running into these guys! BUTT RAM RUTT RAM BUTT RAM!

Koops: Why the bitchdickshit is that?

Punio: BECAUSE I'M SMALL! They like to eat us, stomp on us! and make us listen to Insane Clown Posse! I CAN'T STAND IT! Cock munch cock munch cock munch!

Dark Puff: We'll show you gaylords what happens when you conform and not dress black and white like us!

Cleft: Yeah nice 1 brah!

Koops: Well if you want, I can just take my hoodie off.

Cleft: NO DUDE! THATS GAY!

Goombella: Look. Why don't you 3 simply just fuck off before you all make a regrettable decision.

Pale Piranha: Check it out! The bitch uses her mouth for things other than sucking dick!

Dark Puff: Maybe if you all listened to some My Chemical Romance, you'll understand...

Goombella: You are all so ded! We murdered a dragon! And Mario fucked it!

Mario: Yeah!

Pale Pirahna: YOU ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD OUR LIVES ARE!

Mario: Okay, you all have 2 options. 1, leave and go back to your 1920's Disney cartoons. Or 2, I can make you all die faster than any of you killing yourselves from slitting your wrists.

Cleft: In the name of all that is dark and Xxxforgottenly_sinfulxxX, we shall DESTROY YOU ALL! DESTROY YOU ALL! DESTROY YOU ALL! DESTROY YOU ALL! DESTROY YOU ALL!

Koops: STOP RUINING BILLY AND MANDY!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 18/30 (That absurd fight with Gus explains it)

Mario: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

FP: 10

v.s.

Pale Pirahna: Power Level 8

Dark Puff: Power Level 6

Cleft: Power Level 8

_Battle Music: Teenagers by My Chemical Romance_

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle on Pale Piranha: This is a Pale Piranha. Their species is known for being depressed and sounding monotone ALL THE TIME! They have a power level of 8 and it bites with it's improper dental hygiene.

Mario uses Power Smash knocking out Pale Piranha.

Dark Puff: Whoa man! Like, not cool. Like, life is totally pointless and all, but now you're just being a fucking jock dude.

Cleft: Well I'm going to pull out my Deth Notebook from Deth Note! AND I'm GONNA KILL THEM LIKE SO HARD AND STUFF!

Dark Puff slammed into Goombella: [2 Damage]

Dark Puff: I totally just bumped into her boobs man!

Goombella looked down at her chest noticing how flat chested she really is.

Cleft spent his turn writing the opponent's names into his Deth Note. Unfortunately, he didn't know their names so he wrote down "Conformist Faggots" instead.

[TURN 2]

Goombella performs another tattle: This is a Dark Puff. They have a power level of 6. Sometimes, they charge up with thunder planning to attack you with lightning. Don't touch it when it's charged up unless you like getting electrocuted stupid!

Mario: Well it spent it's turn bumping into your nonexistent boobs so...

Mario uses Power Bounce on Dark Puff knocking it unconscious: [4 Damage]

Clef cuts himself thinking that what happens in the anime "Blood +" will work.

Mario: This guy is not even trying.

[TURN 3]

Mario uses-

Goombella: WAIT! I need to do the tattle first!

Mario: Oh yeah...

Goombella usus Tattle: This is a Cleft, it has high defense and has a power level of 8. Obviously you can't jump on him, cause you know... There's fucking spikes on its head! So just hit him with something powerful and you're good to go!

Mario Uses Power Smash slamming him so hard that he broke into 23 pieces: [2 Damage]

[Level Up!]

Mario leveled up his BP to 9.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

The Pale Piranha and Dark Puff got back up after being heavily injured.

Pale Piranha: I can't believe you killed Cleft man!

Dark Puff: Yeah! Next time we see you, we're gonna stab you all in your ugly faces dude!

The remaining 2 creatures ran off along with accidently dropping a Purple hammer shaped badge known as a **Quake Hammer**.

Mario: Yeah! Run back to your Cure records and paint your fucking nails black faggots!

Goombella: God Damnit Mario.

Koops: Hey look! They dropped something!

Mario: Oh shit! Its a badge! I knew upgrading my Badge Power was a wise decision!

Mario: Imma go put this on now…

Mario places another badge on somewhere in his body.

Goombella: So what is the science behind Badge Power anyway? Can't you just put them on?

Mario: Its not that simple, if you put on any more than you can handle, your body turns inside out and you're pretty much immobilized from there on out.

Punio: Flurrie's house is this way everyone! Octopussy Octopussy Octopussy

After a few more tedious obstacles through the woods, the 4 of them finally reached Flurrie's house. Also, they had to take a warp pipe to get there.

Punio: Well here we are. Mastasia Mastasia Mastasia!

Mario: SWEET! I finally get to meet my favorite porn star! Maybe we'll get to have sex!

Mario hammer slammed down the door in sheer excitement.

Goombella: What the hell Mario!? You didn't even check to see if the door was locked!

Mario: A door is merely an obstruction that is designed to shelter 1's selves!

Goombella: That was... oddly insightful yet so stupid.

_**[Flurrie's House]**_

They entered Flurrie's house. Which is covered in a collection of photo's if the younger her doing various erotic fetish like acts.

Koops: Whoa! Look at all of these photos of her! She's got to be the real deal!

Mario immediately had an obvious boner looking at all of the pictures.

Mario: Ohohohohoho yeahahahahahh...

Koops: Thats a... thats a -

Mario: ... yes... thats a boner... enjoy.

Koops: Uhh... well okay...

Punio: Yuck Mario.. Tumor Dicks! Tumor Dicks! Tumor Dicks!

Goombella: Eww... this bitch seems totally full of herself. Who needs to look at themselves naked pooping this much! It's gross!

Mario: Uh oh guys! Its Goombella classically hating other women!

Goombella: AM NOT! But i'm closing my eyes till we leave!

They all walked upstairs to the door of that which is Flurrie's room. Goombella kept bumping into shit trying to make it to the upstairs. Maybe she should open her god damn eyes already.

Punio: Uhh... Excuse me... uhh... Flurrie.

Koops got in a crawling position and started smelling something rather foul through Flurrie's door.

Koops: Say… What's that smell Mario?

Mario: That's pussy Koops! Stanky ol' pussay.

Koops: Yeah! But why does it smell so fishy! I mean, Koopie Koo's was alot cleaner smelling than this.

Mario: Thats cause Flurrie's a real women.

Flurrie: EEEEEEKKK! Don't come in! I'm indecent!

Mario: Welp! All the more reason!

Mario pulled out his hammer getting ready to smash through the doors.

Punio: CUT IT OUT MARIO! MEXIJEWS! MEXIJEWS! MEXIJEWS!

Flurrie: Is that you Punio!? Oh my! How I recognize your cute squishy footsteps and your adorable... you know...

Punio: Thanks for respecting me. Penis foot Penis foot Penis foot

Goombella knocked down a few paintings of Flurrie getting cleavage fucked.

Goombella: Oww!

Flurrie: Punio! What are you doing here? It's been an age since I last heard from you.

Punio: Well you see uhh... we have a huge favor to ask of you madame. These X-Nauts people invaded our tree and installed a stupid door. My Puni friends and family are inside and who knows what's happening to them! I just don't know what to do! FUCK PUSSY! FUCK PUSSY! FUCK PUSSY!

Flurrie: Oh... is that all dearie?

Punio: Thats kind of alot... PLACENTA! PLACENTA! PLACENTA!

Flurrie: My adorable Punio! As much as I would love to help you little guys outs, I mustn't. For I am indecent at the moment...

Koops: Mario, how come shes not scared and accusing us as robbers for breaking into her house?

Mario: She was in a porno where something like this happened 1ce. It was hot.

Goombella accidently popped a Madame Flurrie blow up doll by stepping on it too hard.

Goombella: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

Flurrie: I just... I mean... I can't... be seen without my famous pearl necklace... I must have dropped it 1 day when I did alot of ecstacy where I decided to streak naked in the woods last nights.

Koops: You mean you can't be seen if you are not wearing some necklace?

Flurrie: It's NOT just "some" necklace! Its my Pearl necklace. Do you have any idea what it symbolizes!?

Koops: Huh?

Mario: I know! A pearl necklace refers to the dot like drops of an ejaculation when a man climaxes on your neck and chest after inserting his penis between your breasts. And that is why that necklace makes you look like a whore when you put it on.

Flurrie: This guy gets it!

Goombella tried walking up the stairs but failed as she foolishly fell down the stairs like a paraplegic.

Goombella: I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE!

Koops: Oh gee whiz... So now we gotta go look for a necklace or something...

Mario: Well there were plenty of those in the sky. Can't we just find a way to grab 1 of those things?

Punio: That's just part of the sky in this level dude. I don't understand the science behind it either. Pussy Ostrich Pussy Ostrich Pussy Ostrich.

Flurrie: If you kind folks can find my famous necklace, that would be marvelous! Afterwords, I will be more than happy to help you my dearest Punio.

Punio: Don't worry Madame Flurrie! We'll find your pearl necklace in no time! donkey dildo donkey dildo donkey dildo!

Flurrie: Thank you so much kind people! You all are oh so kind.

The 4 of them were about you take off.

Koops: Come on Goombella, lets go.

Koops picked up the dizzy Goombella as she spent the entire time in Flurrie's house with her eyes shut trying to climb stairs.

Mario ran back to Flurrie's doorway.

Mario: Hey Flurrie, Hi. big fan here. I was wondering is I can uhh... have your autograph... or something?

Flurrie: Oh it is so wonderful for me to hear from my fans, but unfortunately, you guys need to find my necklace before you can have 1.

Mario: Oh SON OF A BITCH! Wait up dicks!

Mario caught up with the rest of them.

**Chapture 3 - 9: "Enter the Shadows"**

**_**[Boggly Woods]**_**

As Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Punio were looking around the forest for Flurrie's necklace, 3 Shadow Sirens continued to have some debacles of their own.

Marilyn started devouring a giant version of 1 of those big ass sandwich with the Krispy Kreme doughnuts as buns.

Vivian: Beldam! I'm telling you... sniff... I don't have the map. Just please stop hurting me…

Beldam raised up Vivian pulling by her hair and looks at her directly.

Beldam: You will address me as your leader you disrespectful twat! You're the reason why our operation has been fluctuated!

Marilyn started to "GUH" with grimy food all around her face like some gross hog eating pig slop.

Marilyn: GUH GUH!

Beldam: What's that Marilyn!?

Marilyn: GUH GUH GUH GUUUUHHH!

Beldam: What about my hat!?

Marilyn grabbed Beldam's hat as she was attempting to eat it. Beldam however grabbed it back.

Beldam: Hey! Let go of my hat you buffoon!

The photo of Mario Beldam accused Vivian of having fell out of her hat.

Beldam yanked her hat away from Marilyn.

Beldam: I can't believe it was in my h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hat the whole time!

Beldam observed the photo of Mario doing an erotic pose wearing a speedo. By erotic pose, I mean goatse.

Beldam: Ooooo... This Mario guy is soo sexy... with his manly mustache and bulging gut... Where have I heard of this guy before...

Beldam began to focus her attention towards Vivian.

Beldam: Vivian! Why the hell would you put the photo in my hat!?

Vivian: WHAT!? Forgive me, but I am almost very certain that you put it in your hat for safe keeping!

Beldam: Silence you pathetic brainless skank! So help me god I am going to punish you so hard, you'll be lucky if you're still capitated! I will chain you up, and pour hot candle wax all over your shadowy body!

Vivian: But... Thats not fair! I don't understand what I do to make you hate me so much!

Beldam: Probably cause you're gross, fat, ugly, and you're a fucking boy.

Marilyn lifted up a huge chunk of the earth like a fucking titan and slowly started devouring it.

Vivian: Please stop calling me a boy! You're the reason why histories tattle logs display that information. That's why all these articles all over the world that speak of our legends say that about me! I have no problem with genders, but I just don't like being called something I know I'm not-

Beldam grabbed Vivian's head and kneed her using her shadow leg thing.

Beldam: I've had enough out of your cock juggling mouth! You are whatever I say you are. Nothing more.

Vivian: Aww man...

Beldam started smoking meth.

Beldam: Since you love foiling our plans so much, maybe you should find the way to find Team M and kill them yourselves.

Vivian puked on the ground as she is not 1 for committing such acts and tends to get very nervous when those things are presented to her.

Meanwhile, the Mean Team with Punio continued looking around for that necklace that Beldam obviously has.

Mario: So Punio, I forgot to ask. How do you know Madame Flurrie?

Punio: Well, you see... this is kind of SHIT SHIT SHIT! Embarrassing... But, me and a few others have worked as sort of... well... I shouldn't say... DILDOS DILDOS DILDOS! AH SHIT!

Punio: Basically, she likes them alive. Thats all I have to say.

Mario: That is the greatest thing I've ever heard and you should be proud. Maybe you're not such a little fuck ass after all are you.

Punio: FUCK ASS FUCK ASS FUCK ASS!

The M Team was suddenly spotted by the Shadow Sirens. Beldam began addressing them in an ominous way.

Beldam: Mario... come out and playyay... Mario... Come Out And Playyay... MARIO... COME OUT AND PLAYYYAYY! MMAAAAAAAAARRRIOOOOOO... COOMEE OUT AND PLAAAAAYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYY!

Koops: I know that pink haired 1 looks familiar...

Mario: Who the fuck are you? And why the fuck are you ripping off Clockwork Orange?

Beldam: Who we are isn't important... we're here for the map and our Star of **Wrath**!

Goombella: How do you creeps know about the stars!?

Koops: Yeah! Leave us alone!

Beldam: Mwe hee hee hee hee... I have no beef with any of you t-t-t-t-tt-t-t-2. We're here for Mario. So going home may be in the best of your guys' interest.

Mario: Ooooo... I like where this is going...

Goombella: I think those things want you ded Mario.

Mario: I do too sometimes…

Beldam started lighting up Flurrie's necklace on a spoon thinking it's heroin.

Koops: LOOKS! THAT'S THE NECKLACE GUYS!

Beldam: Hmm... Since you all seem to be curious to stick around, I suppose you all deserve to know our name...

Beldam: We are...

Marilyn: Guh GUH GUH GUH!

Vivian: Shadow Beauties!

Koops and Goombella: The 3 shadow beauties?

Mario: HA! Your team name sucks dick! We're the-

Beldam: Yeah yeah... Your Team M. WE KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR MORONIC TEAM!

Mario: Team M? Hmm... Its funny you say that. We're actually "The M Team"... But I think I actually like the name "Team M" slightly better! Alright! We are Team M everyone!

Goombella: It's the same name Mario.

Beldam immediately snorted a line of cocaine.

Mario: You gonna share that shit or what?

Beldam: Vivian! You brought shame onto our family with that stupid addition to our name. We are the SHADOW! SIRENS! Shadow Beauties... Try me again, and i'll break all of your teeth you incompetent bitch.

Koops: Hey leave her alone! Thats your sister you're talking to!

Goombella: How do you know they're siblings?

Koops: I kind of figured. I dont know.

Vivian: But sis... I was just trying to be clever…

Koops: Told yuh!

Beldam: I DON'T CARE! Besides, there are only 2 beauties I see here. Me and Marilyn!

Goombella: Wow. Fuck you bitch.

Beldam: Besides Vivian. You will never be a real girl! You're a fucking dude and you will always be a dude!

Vivian: STOP CALLING ME THAT! You know that's not true... You know how that gets to me…

Beldam smacked Vivian hard as hell.

Vivian: OWW!

Marilyn: GUH!

Mario: HA! You call that smacking your team mates!?

Mario demonstrated how to smack by smacking Koops harder than Beldam did to Vivian.

Koops: OOOWWWW!

Mario: That is how you smack your teammates you dumb ugly troll looking bitch!

Goombella: JESUS CHRIST MARIO! You didn't have to smack him!

Beldam: Oh you are so ded for that comment... No 1 calls me a bitch!

Koops began to tear up.

Koops: Mario, sniff...why did you just smack me like that? That really hurt...

Beldam: Vivian! I forgot to mention, if you think that smack in the face was bad... wait till you see what I have in store for your REAL punishment... I am going to put a red rubber ball in your mouth while I get my whip and smack you senselessly as you drip in passion fruit candle wax. Anyhow, get ready cause we got some foolish mortals to do away with.

Mario: I did that to show them the way Team M rolls! And we are fucking serious! Now stop bitching you fucking moron and lets kick their dark spooky asses!

Vivian: Sniff... Gee whiz... I'm just meant to be your punching bag am I?

Koops: Sniff... Gee whiz... But smacking your friends is a little cruel if you ask me...

Beldam: SHUT UP VIVIAN!

Mario: SHUT UP KOOPS!

Koops and Vivian: Aww man…

Koops and Vivian both looked at each other across from where they were standing and awkwardly staring at eachother with their mouths kind of opened.

Koops and Vivian: ...whoa...

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 30

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Beldam: Power Level 14

Marilyn: Power Level 24

Vivian: Power Level 15

_Battle Music: Last Rites / Loved to Death by Megadeth_

[TURN 1]

Beldam: Just a heads up Mario! You're our primary target... So I must say in your scenario, you are most unlucky... This will be payback for that rude insult...

Mario: Pfffftttt... You call that an insult... Let me get started... Goombella, do you'r tattle shit!

Goombella: I thought you would never ask!

Goombella uses tattle on Vivian: This is Vivian, she's the youngest sister of the Siren family. she has a power level of 15. I'm not gonna lie, she's pretty cute... even cuter than me... uhh... MARIO! KILL HER FIRST! SHE'S THE MOST DEDLY!

Mario: Really? I was gonna go after the fat 1 first...

Goombella: SHE'S TRYING TO... uhhh... BANN PORNO!

Mario: Oh hell naw! Liston Vivian! You look like a cheap emo knock off of Raggedy Anne wearing black face who shops at Hot Topic! You probably cry and cut yourself alot cause you're too poor to afford tickets to see AFI! Also, your hat makes you look like a fucking drag queen!

Vivian: That's the meanest thing i've ever heard... sniff...

Goombella: Its funny you mention that, the book here states that she actually is a guy in drag.

Vivian: It sais that!? See what you started Beldam!

Beldam: Stop whining and concentrate Vivian!

Mario uses Power Bounce on Vivian like a fucking trampoline: [7 Damage]

Vivian gets up and uses shade fist on Goombella: Goombella [Countered -1] by biting her hand.

Vivian: OWW!

Goombella: THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN SOME1 PUTS SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH YOU DON'T WANT!

Beldam: VIVIAN! A, GO FOR MARIO! B, STOP SUCKING!

Marilyn uses retard hand clap attack on Mario: [Countered -1] by Mario punching her in the stomach.

Beldam uses uppercut on Mario: [Countered -1] by Mario making her punch herself in a humiliating fashion.

Beldam: How are they countering like that!?

Mario: Probably cause your moves are so slow!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses tattle: This is Marilyn, the middle child of the Sirens. Despite her being severely mentally challenged and probably shouldn't be fighting with them, she is easily the strongest 1 of them. Her power level is 24!

Mario: Is that so! Marilyn, you look like 1 of those 1000 pound fucks on TLC who need severe liposuction surgery if you wanna live another minute. If theres anything more challenging than your cholesterol and ability to stand up, its your fucking down syndrome!

Marilyn started clapping her hands in joy.

Marilyn: GUHUH! GUHUH! GUHUH!

Mario: Oh. And you're a poopy head!

Marilyn: GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH!

Marilyn got super pissed at Mario as she starting bursting out steam like Majin Buu.

Mario uses POW Block damaging on all including knocking out Vivian: [2 Damage]

Vivian: I'm sorry sis...

Vivian fainted.

Beldam: YOU SUCK DICK VIVIAN!

Marilyn uses power up to boost her attack by 2.

Beldam uses dark majic to shrink Mario!

Goombella: HAHAHAH! Mario... You're so tiny its hilarious...

Mario: OH SHE IS SO GETTING THE BEST OF MY INSULTS NEXT TURN!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses tattle of Beldam: This is Beldam. She is the leader of/ oldest sister of the Siren family. Her personality rotts to high hell. I wonder if she was always like that or if it's from her major drug addiction... either way, she's got a power level of 14, so she's apparently the weakest ironically.

Beldam just smoked some heroin mixed with math.

Mario: Beldam huh? I might be small right now, but I can still kick your - You look like an ugly jew nosed nekkid mole rat. Out of all the corpses I have ever seen, you are the most unfuckable! You are the 1st horrifying example I have ever seen in drug use along with being the grossest saggiest vomit inducing shriveled cunt I have ever seen waiting for an overdose to happen. Kill yourself - ass! OH! 3 for 3!

Beldam: YOU ARE GONNA DIE FOR THAT YOU FUCKING WOP!

Mario: Oh thats it!

Mario uses Pow Block: [2 Damage All]

Beldam: Time for our most ultimate attack!

Marilyn uses Thunderstruck: [4 Damage All]

Mario: Holy shit! They're doing damage now!

Beldam uses Polar Vortex: [1 Damage All]

Goombella is left frozen.

Beldam: This is what happens when I smoke enough ice! Mwee hehehehehe!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Hmm... I got an idea! If theres anything I know about dumb ass shows,

Mario held up the Star of **Wrath **above his head!

Mario: This thing better have some special fucking power!

Mario was getting impatient with the dedly star.

Mario: LETS GO YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT STAR! DO SOMETHING OR ILL FUCKING SMASH YOU, YOU FUCK ASS DICK!

The Star of **Wrath **started glowing and growing.

Mario: OH SHIT! I'm getting on!

Mario hopped on the growing Star of **Wrath** as it grew to be as big as an elephant.

Mario: PREPARE TO DIE!

The star started levitating and smashed itself on the ground causing intense earth waves blasting the conscious sirens causing Beldam to faint, and Marilyn to be heavily damaged: [6 Damage All]

Beldam: Marilyn... kick... his ... as.s...

Marilyn: Guh!

[TURN 5]

Goombella broke through the ice.

Goombella: What the hell did you do Mario!?

Mario: Apparently I held up the Star and I started yelling at it. Then it just did that earthquake thing...

Goombella: Weird.

Mario: Anyway, are you going to finish off the fat 1 or not?

Goombella: Sure but...

Mario: But what?

Goombella: I... don't think I can harm some1 with down syndrome. Even if they are evil...

Mario: Sigh... God Damnit Goombella... Koops! Can you?

Koops: Well... if she's not doing it.. then... I'd feel bad for doing it too.

Mario: Oh for FUCK sakes!

Mario jumped on Koops' shell to bounce on Marilyn knocking her out: [2 Damage]

Marilyn: GUUUHHH!

Mario: That is how Team M rolls bitches!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

All of The Shadow Sirens got up.

Beldam: Mmmmwee hee haaaaaaaaack! Oooog. I can't b-b-b-b-b-b-b-believe we lost... THIS ISN'T OVER CRETINS! Vivian! You ditz! We would've won if you didn't pass out 1st!

Vivian: But he-

Beldam: NO! AFTER I PUNISH YOU BY BEATING YOU SENSELESSLY AND SHOVING VARIOUS FOREIGN OBJECTS IN YOU, I'M GOING TO TIE YOU UP AND FORCE YOU TO PLAY "GAPER MARIO" 1000 TIMES IN A ROW!

Beldam: In the mean time, RETREAT!

Beldam ran off dropping Flurrie's necklace.

Beldam: SHIT!

Marilyn ran off afterwards and grabbed another tree for leftovers.

Vivian walked away singing an emotionally heartfelt musical ballad about her troubles with herself under an imaginary spotlight. And no 1 give 2 fucks to listen. Okay. Maybe Koops did, but he was too shy to say anything. Oh and the Paper Mario fanbase masterbated to it… alot.

She soon teleported off.

Koops: Hey! Wait!

Mario: Yeah you better run Shadow Bitch!

Koops: *sigh* Guys... I got the necklace…

Punio popped out of the bushes

Punio: GUYS!

Goombella: There you are!

Mario: Yeah. Where the fuck did you go?

Punio: I hid in the bushes. I figured that I was too weak to put up a decent fight so I hid in the bushes. QUEERMOS QUEERMOS QUEERMOS!

Koops: I don't know about that. You sure can knock us out unconscious with that bat of yours.

Punio: IT'S A TELEPORTATION STICK! LARD TITS LARD TITS LARD TITS

Mario: So when you knocked me out, it was for teleportation?

Punio: UNIMPORTANT! LETS BRING THE NECKLACE BACK TO FLURRIE ALRIGHT! PUS INFECTION! PUS INFECTION! PUS INFECTION!

Mario: Yeah what evs...

Koops: Hey guys... is it me, or did you guys all kind of feel bad for... What was her name... uhh... you know... the youngish shadow with the pink hair...

Goombella: Why does that matter?.. She was 1 of the enemies...

Koops: I don't know... she actually didn't seem that bad though. She actually seemed kind of interesting... I don't know... she actually seemed really friendly actually.

Goombella: You know shes a guy right?

Koops: I don't know about that... I've heard many sides to that argument. I liked that song she sang right?

Mario: Yeah. I wasn't really listening. It seemed kind of gay to me.

Koops: Well I hope we get to see them again soon.

Mario: We probably will. We'll probably murder-fuck them like I did with Hookertail next time.

Goombella: You still on that "murder-fuck" kick Mario?

Mario: Always am... always will...

Koops: Did you guys kind of get a Canker Sisters vibe from them?

Goombella: From Ed Edd n Eddy? Yeah I guess... Kind of when you think about it.

Koops: Yeah... I can think of alot of comparisons in my head about that. Hey, if we were Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, which 1s would we be?

Goombella: Honestly, I'd probably be Double Dee...

Koops: Yeah I can see that. You are the smart 1 after all.

Goombella: Aww... thank you...

Koops: Who would I be?

Goombella: You're probably not gonna like this, but you'd be Ed.

Koops: What why?

Goombella: No offense, but I'm not saying you're as slow as Ed, but you are kind of the slow 1 among us at least. Sorry.

Koops: Aww man... I was hoping to be Eddy.

Goombella: I would say Mario's Eddy.

Koops: Good point. They kind of share the same mannerisms...

Punio: Who am I then... prostate ticklers prostate ticklers prostate ticklers!

Goombella: You? You can be Jimmy.

Punio: What? I don't wanna be Jimmy... godcock godcock godcock! Give me Kevin.

Goomella: No. You'r Jimmy. You ran away like he would.

Punio: Can I at least be Rolf? buttface buttface buttface.

Koops: No. No 1 will ever be Rolf.

Mario: Guys! Were here!

Goombella: Whoa! That was quick! How did we get here so quickly?

Mario: You guys got so carried into conversation that the time must have flown by.

Koops: Hey cool! We should do that more often then!

Goombella: Guys! I think I'm gonna stay out here... I'm not going into that disgusting house again.

Mario: Spoken from the classic woman hater. I am godsmacked...

Goombella: Shut up...

**Chapture 3 - 10: Fun with Flurrie!**

**_**[Flurrie's House]**_**

All but Goombella casually walked through that part of the house that was originally the door.

Mario's boner returned 1ce more.

Mario: YES!

Koops: What?

Mario: Oh... nothing.

Punio: Eww not again. 1 EYED WEASEL! 1 EYED WEASEL! 1 EYED WEASEL!

Mario: Yes again.

Punio: Eh... Hello Flurrie! We're back! Chode Master Chode Master Chode Master.

Flurrie: Ah marvelous! Deerie! Did you find my necklace!?

Koops: We sure did!

Punio: Yeah! We had to fight some creepy shadowy goons for it! Asstacos Asstacos Asstacos.

Mario: Shut the fuck up asstaco! You just hid in the bushes like a fucking pussy!

Flurrie: Oh! That is just astounding! Delightfully Astounding. I'm beside myself, truly! But... can you kind gentlemen leave the necklace by the door? I wish not to be seen so indecently without it. You must cover your eyes for I am not to be seen without it...

Koops: Are you sure it's that big of a deal I mean... Its just a necklace!

Flurrie: WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS! ITS NOT JUST A NECKLACE! SO COVER YOUR EYES!

Koops: Oh gee whiz... okay.

They all covered their eyes except for Mario who did that thing where he secretly looked through a crack through his hands pretending to cover his eyes.

Mario: This is it... I'm finally gonna meet my favorite porn star! This is so awesome! She better still be hot!

Flurrie: Here I cum everyone!

_Background Music: Milkshake by Kelis_

Madame Flurrie at last made her appearance. Unfortunately for everyone, she looked and smelt absolutely terrible. She is basically this fat purple old gross blob looking thing that wore more makeup than 1000 cheap hookers combined. She almost looks like a deformed version of Queen Latifah. She's got these super sized lips. Her face full of botox, she can't even close her fucking mouth her lips are so big. She reeks of bad breath, bad pussy, and unwiped female asscrack, and has these unflattering saggy J Cup sized tittes. "J" stands for Jumbo for all you pervs out there. For some really stupid reason, she does not have any nipples which is odd because this saggy "BBW" is just floating around topless. Some of her qualities take the form of some of Bowser's Koopalings. For instance, her hair looks like Ludwig's, and her face looks like Wendy's. If it wasn't for her necklace, she would be completely fucking naked.

A random disco ball popped out of no where while a bunch of rose petals and glowing hearts spun around her for dramatic effect like it was some kind of dumb chibi anime moment.

Madame Flurrie: Okay dearies... You can open your eyes now!

As soon as they did, Mario, Koops, even Punio, and even Goombella immediately puked at the grotesque looking character.

Mario, Koops, Punio and Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!

Flurrie: Aww... Whats wrong?

Mario: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU!? YOU GOT SO FUCKING FAT SINCE I LAST FAPPED TO YOU! BLEEERRRGGG!

Koops: YOU LOOK LIKE A GROSS SEXUALIZED VERSION OF LUMPY SPACE PRINCESS!

Mario: NICE 1 KOOPS- BLEEEERRRRRGGGGGG-

Mario hysterically sealed his mouth shut with his hands trying to keep more vomit from coming out, but it instead was squeezing through his fingers like Play Doh while his cheeks were inflating with even more vomit.

Goombella: SHE DOES!? I CAN'T SEE CAUSE I'M NOT LOOKING IN THERE, BUT FROM HERE, SHE SMELLS LIKE- BLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG! LIKE THAT!

Punio: SHE'S NOT THAT BAD GUYS! SHIT PUSSY! SHIT PUSSY! SHIT PUSS- BLEEERRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG!

Mario: THEN WHY ARE YOU PUKING AND YELLING IN ALL CAPS THEN!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Punio: IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I LAST SAW HER! BONER CHEESE! BONER CHEESE! BONER CHEESE!

Flurrie: Aww shucks guys...

Mario: NO! NOT AWW SHUCKS, FUCK YOU! I HAD A BONER WAITING TO SEE YOU! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PORN STAR GETS OLD AND FAT!? FUCK THIS! FUCK THIS SHIT!

Mario: YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD SAY ABOUT YOU!?

Mario: **That is 2 out of 6 things I wish I could unsee.**

Flurrie: Well... I'm sorry... Do you still want my autograph?

Mario: WHA WH WH W PFT WH WHAT!? HELL NO DO I WANT YOUR FUCKING AUTOGRAPH! NO WONDER WHY YOU LIVE IN THE FUCKING WOODS YOU CHEAP UGLY WHORE! EWW!

Mario got naked, and started breaking all of her furniture and destroying her photos because he was that pissed off that his favorite shit fetishing porn star decided to turn all old and fat. Eventually, everything in her house got destroyed by Mario's child like bitch fit.

Mario: ITS NOT FAIR! LIFE ISN'T FAIR! I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF! AAHHHH!

Flurrie: Is he gonna be alright?

Koops: Yeah... He'll be fine I guess...

Flurrie: Aww... I know what can cheer him up…

Flurrie started to float to Mario.

Flurrie: Aww... come here Mario my necklace hunting hero and give me some sugar…

Flurrie grabbed Mario's shoulders.

Mario: Uhh... wha... what are you doing?

Flurrie: PUCKER UP!

She started pressing her lips into Mario's face. Crazy people would actually call this kissing. Mario's eyes opened senselessly as he struggled to get out of her vicious french kissing grip.

Koops: JESUS CHRIST! WHATS SHE DOING!?

Goombella: Wait what's going on? I still haven't opened my eyes yet.

Punio: You can open your eyes Goombella! Mario destroyed all of her stuff. SHIT SHIT SHIT!

Goombella: Oh. Alright then

Goombella: OH! MY! GO- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!1

Goombella started puking at the sight of Flurrie lip locking with Mario. More so at the sight of Flurrie alone.

Mario eventually pushed her off of him with full force.

Mario: RAPE! RAPE! EVERYONE! I WAS RAAAAAAAAAAPED! SHE FUCKING RAPED MEEE! SHEEEEEEEEEEEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEDDD- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!1

Mario started running around in circles, puking, slipping on his own puke like a retard, and slamming into walls and shit.

Goombella: Mario! Calm down!

Mario: DONT TELL ME TO FUCKING CALM DOWN! THAT IS THE SINGLE WORST MOST TAUNTING THING YOU CAN EVER SAY TO SOME1! DID YOU PEOPLE NOT SEE HER RAPE ME!? THIS IS NOT HOW I THOUGHT I WOULD SEE FLURRIE IN MY WET DREAMS!

Flurrie: Oh, Mario, that was sooooooooooo romantic...

Mario: OH FUCK YOU RAPIST!

Koops: Wait, didn't she just kiss you?

Mario: SHE FORCED A PART OF HER BODY INTO ME! LAST TIME I CHECKED, THAT IS TEXTBOOK RAPE. PLUS I'M NAKED!

Punio: But you got naked on your own... BENT COCK BENT COCK BENT COCK!

Goombella: What if Princess Peach forcingly kissed you?

Mario: Thats different... she's ACTUALLY hot. Its not rape when the person doing it is HOT!

Goombella started rolling her eyes as usual.

Goombella: My Liberal Arts College would absolutely love you...

Flurrie: So you guys need some help getting a tree back? Well with a man thats so teeth grindingly sexy with his bushy mustache and his hairy gut, how can I say no... He kind of reminds me of Ron Jeremy... I hope Mario has what he's got if you know what I mean... so far his flaccid size looks to be 5.54 so yeah.

Mario was laying on the floor in a fetal position.

Mario: I see... i seee ... penguins... THEY'RE C-C-C-C-COMING FOR MII!

Goombella: Wow! Thats a good guess!

Flurrie: Well I am an expert you know. His dashing sexyness has really got me quite moist...

Mario: BLERG!

Mario puked a little bit on the floor.

Flurrie: I must keep his sexy disfigured ass safe. Such a lucky break for you all for I have pleasing news! I will be joining you on your little team. Is that alright?

Flurrie gave a sexually unpleasant wink at everyone.

Mario, Goombella, and Koops: NO! BLEEEERRRGGG!

Flurrie: Tooooo laaaaaaaaaaaate...

"Flurrie has joined Team M unfortunately."

Mario: OH WHAT THE FUCK! BLEEEERRRG!

Goombella: Shit. Another girl on the team... Shes trouble...

Koops: I think our "little team" just got alot bigger! Right guys!?

Mario and Goombella: Shut up Koops!

Koops: Aww man...

**[INITIATION MODE]**

Flurries Abilities a Primer,

Flurrie can break wind at any direction of an enemy making them puke. By "break wind," I mean... you know what I mean... So yeah, she can basically fart continuously for as long as she needs to.

Mario: WH...WHY!?

She can also use her boobs to slam opponents in battles where she slams her unpleasantly large veiny buzzums onto enemies. She can also use queef force to blow enemies away in [BATTLE MODE].

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK! SERIOUSLY!? ALL OF THESE MOVES COULD HAVE BEEN WAY BETTER BACK WHEN SHE WAS 27!

Unfortunately, Mario won't get XP from it, so were not going to let her use this attack. EVER!

Mario: THANK YOU IAMMASTER! THANK YOU FOR GIVING HER ONLY THAT 1 REDEEMING QUALITY YOU FUCK!

**[END OF INITIATION MODE]**

Punio: So how do I do an initiation!? Cock doodler Cock doodler Cock doodler

Mario: Fat chance fuck face.

Mario: So can we go take care of this tree business now? I need to get my mind off this "Flurrie has joined The Party" bullshit...

Flurrie: Yes. OH! 1 more thing before we go!

Flurrie pulled out a bag of marijuana out from her cleavage.

Flurrie: Do you folks like ganja?

Koops: Ganja? Whats that?

Goombella: She means weed Koops.

Mario: Wait! You have weed!?

A couple hours have passed as the gang of 4 plus Punio who is not nor ever will be a member of Team M had another toked out stoner conversation about dumb crap.

Flurrie: So you darlings are not only trying to save The Great Tree of Might, but you are all fixing to collect the 7 Dedly stars? That sounds like a gay adventure indeed. Joyfully gay I must say.

Mario: Oh. You mean "happy" gay.

Flurrie: Yes. A tenacious resilient adventure to collect magnificent jewels? How astonishing! It sure makes me all fuzzy just thinking about it.

Flurrie Farted.

Goombella: Please dont... Ehh... fuck it... I'm too high to really give a shit...

Koops: Wow Flurrie! This sure is some good weed! Where do you get your fix?

Flurrie: Well deary, the Punies grow a weed farm inside their tree... Its actually pretty neat since the Boggly Woods has great seeds and soil for great trees and marijuana, we're able to grow some high quality magnificent weed... I like to partake in it for porno ideas...

Goombella: Hey... I have to ask, what kind of name is Flurrie exactly? Is that your real name or just some slutty porno name?

Mario: Yeah... It sounds like 1 of those ridiculous black woman names like "Fierce", or "Tiara", or "Sheniqua", or "Tyra", or "Champagne", or "Crystal", or "Hope", or "Latifah", or "Kesha", or "La'Trice", or "Mystique", or...

Punio: Wow Mario. You sure are going to town with those black girl names... Led Cumshot Led Cumshot Led Cumshot.

Mario: Yeah. 1ce I start, it's hard to stop.

Flurrie: Well my real name is "Claudette." Folks started calling me "Flurrie" since I reek of how you say... vaginal snowflake like dandruff...

Mario: That's some hot shit right there. You know Flurrie... I like you and the rest of you guys alot better when I'm stoned... especially you Punio. But I should warn you. 1ce I sober up, I will go back to hating you again.

Punio: Ahh tsall guud... Pussy Acne! Pussy Acne! Pussy Acne!

Koops: So does that mean Flurrie is uhh...

Koops whispers in Goombella's ear

Koops: black...?

Goombella: She said that was her porn name dude...

Koops: Oh right. Sorry... I totally spaced out for a second.

Goombella: Wait... What if she was black? You mean that like... would that actually like... bother you?

Koops: What? No... uhh... It's just that she kind of looks like Queen Latifah and uhh... I dont know...

Goombella:...

Koops: I mean... I've never seen a single black person in my life, so I'm a little nervous to talk to them...

Goombella: So you're like, racist then?

Koops: What? No! I mean, I've just never seen them before in person. Only on TV and they just seem... uuuuuhhhhh...

Goombella: Seem...

Koops: ... Uhh... hehe... Nevermind. I forgot what we were talking about already... I'm that high.

Goombella: Sure. Whatever. So Mario, how were you able to use that dedly star earlier in that battle? When I got frozen, I could see you use it, but I didn't hear anything...

Mario: Oh. I'm pretty high right now so its a little hard for me to remember what I did exactly... hmmm. I remember holding it up... and holding it up... and ...fuck... what else?... Oh yeah! I think it started glowing when I started yelling at it.

Punio: Whoa man. Do you think those things respond to your emotions or something? Cause like, that'd be pretty cool... HAGGIS HAGGIS HAGGIS

Goombella: You know... I never thought about it, but from what I heard from *snickering* Hookertail... and that Bedlam bitch or whatever her name is... that star is called "The Star of **Wrath**." So maybe there's a reason why it's called that besides sounding edgy for the sake of being edgy. Maybe it's called that because it responds to **Wrath**!

Punio: But wait... How come it didn't activate when Mario destroyed Flurries stuff earlier? JewTube JewTube JewTube!

Mario: Probably cause I wasn't holding it up or something... Thats the only logical idea I can pull out of my ass right now...

Koops: Hey Goombella! I wasn't being racist! I was just saying I'm just nervous thats all. Thats not racist...

Goombella: We... changed subjects awhile ago... Koops. Come on, don't kill our buzz...

Koops: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! TELEVISION CORRUPTED ME! I'M A VICTIM.

Mario: No 1 cares... seriously.

Koops: Aww man...

Koops: Uhh... so what, we have 4 members of the M- I mean... Team M, and so... There's Goombella, Mario, ... Punio? Oh nevermind... he didn't do the initiation thing...

Punio: Fuck you.

Koops: So wait... its me, Mario, Goombella, Flurrie, and uhh... is that it? Thats 4?

Goombella: Technically, I would say 5.

Mario: Who's the 5th?

Goombella: Uhh... Professor Frankly...DUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH!

Mario: Ehh... would you really count him though. It's not like he comes with us.

Goombella: Well come on He's the professor! Hes gets to stay.

Koops: I think you're both right.

Goombella: No. Only 1 of us can be. So like on Futurama, you're saying that Professor Farnsworth would not be a part of the Planet Express crew because he doesn't come with on the Planet Express deliveries?

Koops: Good point.

Mario: Yeah but that's different. Hes the boss of Planet Express. I'm the boss of Team M and clearly I'm on the fucking adventures.

Goombella: lol, I bet you never even had an initiation mode for that.

Mario: Thats because I'm the leader. Every time it says "so and so has joined your party," they're talking about MY party! So.

Koops: Guys?

Mario and Goombella: What?

Koops: Uhh... Is Flurrie okay?

Flurrie was tensed out in an unconscious stage of euphoria while floating. Her pupils are rolled up into her head with a creepy smile with tons of saliva pouring out of her mouth. She looked like she was oddly out cold from smoking all that weed.

Goombella: Eww... why is she like that?

Mario: So like, shes ded?

Punio: She's in off mode guys. She gets like that after smoking some good ol' ganga. Pode Chony Pode Chony Pode Chony!

Goombella: Wow... that doesn't seem normal... So you sure she's like, fine?

Punio: Ahh shes alright. This actually helps her with writing porno when she gets like this. Dick Weed Dick Weed Dick Weed.

Mario: So how long is this gonna take for her to unwind?

Punio: Oh... About 8 hours... Titty Fuck Titty Fuck Titty Fuck

Mario, Goombella, and Koops: 8 HOURS!?

Punio: Yeah... I probably should have remembered that shouldn't I have? Uterus Tickler Uterus Tickler Uterus Tickler!

Goombella: We don't have that kind of time!

Mario: Isn't there any way we can just go without her?

Punio: We can't. We need her to get to that tiny hole short cut... Sex on the Beach Sex on the Beach Sex on the Beach!

Mario: Ahh fuck... Well... What do we do to kill 8 hours?

Punio: Uhh... Who's up for Monopoly?

Koops: I am!

Goombella: I'm down.

Mario: Sure. Why the fuck not.

Koops: Do you have the Mario Edition?

After their 6 hour long Strip Monopoly session, they dragged Flurrie's unconscious body outside of her house. They dragged her down the Boggly path smearing her absurd make up and covering her in dirt. They spent the remainder of time waiting for Flurrie to wake up.

Goombella: Koops! Stop poking Flurries breasts with a stick!

Koops: I can't help it. They're just so... wierd!

Goombella: Just give me the stick Koops.

Koops: Fine...

Koops gave Goombella the stick only for her to whack him with it.

Koops: Hey!

Mario: Haha! Nice 1!

Punio: Guys! I think she's waking up! Dr. Blowjob Dr. Blowjob Dr. Blowjob!

Flurrie began to wake up.

Flurrie: Uuhhhh... How long was I out?

Punio: About 8 hours. Wipe Better! Wipe Better! Wipe Better!

Flurrie: Same old same old huh? Did any of you have your way with me while I was out cold?

Everyone else: NO!

Flurrie: Your losses...

Punio: Right... so we still need you to open the secret path with your majical... wind... *sigh*... powers. RIP ASS! RIP ASS! RIP ASS!

Flurrie: Say no more sweetie! I'm on it! Rootin tootin'!

Goombella: Please don't ever say that again.

Flurrie began to hover far away from the tree for who knows what reason.

Koops: So does she... know where the entrance is?

Mario: And why is she flying that far away from the tree?

Punio: Oh shit! I forgot to tell her where the-

Flurrie used her ass wind from a far. It was so powerful, it started to blow the entire tree back a little like some kind of category 5 hurricane. Not only did it unveil the secret passage, but it blew away all of the leaves along with being strong enough of a force to almost blow away the rest of them. They survived by grabbing onto dear life to random parts of the tree.

Flurrie then flew back feeling an unnecessary sense of accomplishment.

Flurrie: I sure did a marvelous job didn't I?

Goombella: Jesus Fuck Flurrie! You almost killed us with that smelly ass attack!

Punio: Yeah! You didn't need to take it THAT far! 69 69 69!

Koops: Ehh... it smells too.

Mario: That was like an Eddie Murphy Big Momma Movie only 10,000 times worse!

Flurrie: Why thank you for the applause gentlemen!

Goombella: I really can't tell if you're being sarcastic or if your head is that far up your ass.

Punio: GUYS! Look! Theres the secret path! Dad's Penis! Dad's Penis! Dad's Penis!

Punio pointed to the tiny hole above the door.

Mario: And... how are we all supposed to fit through there?

Punio: BY DROPPING SOME WEIGHT YOU FAT ASS! FAT ASS! FAT ASS! FAT ASS!

Mario: I will stab you...

Punio: Hang on, let me see if I can find a way to open the door from the inside... Oderus Urungus Oderus Urungus Oderus Urungus.

Punio crawled up the tree reaching inside the tiny little tree hole like a hamster up a Frat Boy's asshole.

Flurrie: So Mario...Since you are my biggest fan, I must ask, which films of mine would you say were my best?

Mario: Well... I like Boos n' Boobs 4, Cloudy with a Chance of Cumshots, Fecal Fillatio, Cunt Destroyer 7, Butthole Surferz, Necropedophiles, Krazy Kentucky Klondike Bar, Donkey Punch Cuntry was alright, but that was like 90s Flurrie you know what I mean? Uhh... lets see... I also like Angry Red Pirate Dragons from Space, Big Butt Bandits 3, Jugs from Jupiter. Jugs from Jupiters a classic sci fi porn. It actually inspired alot of other great porn sci fis. Mostly cheap knock offs of it.

Koops: Wow! I never knew porn had such crazy names!

Goombella: Yeah. Who the fuck comes up with this shit?

That red metal door suddenly opened with Punio exiting.

Punio: Yeah! I did it! I opened the door! Maybe I'm not such a piece of shit after all huh! Dick Nixon! Dick Nixon! Dick Nixon!

Flurrie: You mean with the help of me! Flurrie...

Goombella: We get it... You're full of yourself...

Mario: Yeah she is. Now lets kick some I forget their name's asses!

Koops: Yeah! We'll make them eat their underwear!

Mario: *sigh* God damnit Koops...

**Chapture 3 - 11: Inglorious Mother-Fuckers**

_**[The Great Tree of Might]**_

Mario and company at long last made it through the tree of might. Heres a visual description. White scattered bushes, black branches partially covering a glass like wall of water flowing through the tree possibly sucking up the water from an even lower view. The visuals are yet again, too complicated to describe. Like the original Tree of Might from that anime you all know and love, it's size appears to be somewhat environmentally dangerous right now. But that's not important right now! Nor ever.

Meanwhile, as soon as they entered, they were encountered by 2 X-Nauts waiting for them at the door.

X-Naut #24: Stop at 1ce trespassers!

X-Naut #21: Wait a minute! How did they go through that doors!

X-Naut #24: That small grey thing some how found a shortcut and let them through the door! Come on! Stop being slow!

Goombella: Punio, did you know there were X-Nauts chasing after you!?

Punio: Uhhh... shit... I forgot about them... Nipplord Nipplord Nipplord!

Goombella: How the fuck did you forget that!?

X-Naut #21: Wait a sec! Thats Mario over there! MARIO! HI! I'm you're biggest fan! I've been a HUGE fan of your Famicom games since 1981! I have a collection of all of your games, every VHS, DVD, and Bootleg of all of your shows, every poster and plushie erotic and non erotic, every sound track CD, every issue of Super Mario Kun, I even learned how to fucking type from Mario Teaches Typing! Oh and Hotel Mario!

X-Naut #24: Alright! Alright! We get it! You love Mario! Incase you haven't noticed, HE'S the guy were trying to stop from foiling our plans!

X-Naut #21: Really!? I thought we were talking about a different Mario!

X-Naut #24: Of course not! You mean you didn't connects it together when we captured Peach? Why else would he be here?

X-Naut #21: I thought it was a coincidence.

X-Naut #24: Besides, this is the only person in this universe named "Mario!" Why I don't even think it's his real name it sounds so fake!

Mario: Uhh... yeah. You guys are fucking retarded.

X-Naut #21: Holy shit! Mario just called us fucking retarded! This is SO AWESOME! Can I get your autograph!

X-Naut #24: Quit fangasming 21! Lets just uhhh... BEAT THEM UP!

X-Naut #21: Beat them up!? Dude, I thought we were supposed to let Robotnik know IMMEDIATELY if we found Mario?

X-Naut #24: You doofus! if we capture him, we'll be the 1s to get all the credit. We may even get a 50 Dollar gift certificate to Gamestop!

X-Naut #21: Oh yeah! Liek, right on! lets rock and roll!

Mario: Why do you have to say that line?

X-Naut #21 &amp; 24: 1, 2, 3, ...BOOYAH!

Mario: And that line...

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 20/30

Goombella: Power Level 9/18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 7/10

V.S.

X-Naut #21: Power Level 10

X-Naut #24: Power Level 10

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle: These are X-Nauts if you remember... They are foot soldier that use butt ramming and occasionally throw meth ingredients at you. X-Nauts are also the lowest of Grodus' underlings as they only have a power level of 10.

Mario: Who the fuck is Grodus?

Goombella: I don't know! Its just a name that was mentioned...

X-Naut #24: Yeah! Grodus is the name of our leader! Hes a dick!

X-Naut #21: Dude! Don't give away the name of the leader! The henchmen aren't supposed to do that!

X-Naut #24: Oh crap! You're right!

Mario: Okay. Lets kick some X-Nazi ass!

Mario uses Power Smash on X-Naut 21 knocking him out cold bleeding alot: [4 Damage]

X-Nauts #24: Jesus Christ! I think you gave him some major hemorrhage with that! Don't you think that was a little extreme there buddy?

Mario: Extreme is my middle name asshole! ... Actually its Gonzales. Mario Gonzales Mario.

X-Nauts #24: See! Now you're name sounds even more fake! And seriously, don't you know anything. Now that we know your last name, we can go after your family now.

Mario: Dude, fuck my family... seriously.

X-Nauts #24: Dude... thats pretty dark... Whatever. We're gonna pwn you anyway!

X-Nauts #24 uses butt ramm at Mario resulting in Mario countering with kicking his ass: [-1 Damage]

X-Nauts #24: Oww! right in my ass! I'm gonna need to have 21 check it for bruises later!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses helmet butt on 24: [2 Damage]

X-Nauts #24: Oww! Watch it! That hurt fuck face!

Mario walked up to him getting really close up to his face and said in a soft quick tone.

Mario: boo.

X-Nauts #24: Uhh... Wuhhhh... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJ!

X-Nauts #24 picked up the unconscious 21 and ran off like a child running away from Michael Jackson in a slumber party.

[LEVEL UP]

Mario leveled up to 6 raising his power level to 40.

**[END OF BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Pfftt... I always wanted to do that. Man are these guys fucking pussies or what?

Punio: That battle was awesome guys! Luberate Luberate Luberate!

Mario: I think the battle with the shadow bitches was better today... or was that yesterday... We were playing Monopoly for quiet awhile.

Koops: Yeah. Good thing you got really pissed off at going to jail so much that you flipped the board.

They all started to notice some other Punies bashfully popping out from the Puni statues in the background I forgot to mention. Holy shit! They really are an entire species! I was starting to think Punio was the only fucking Puni. It appeared to have yellow ball lights on their antennas instead of green like Punio's.

Punio: Hey! Punies!

The Punies continued to hide poorly behind the statues with their obscure looking antennas popping out.

Punio: DON'T THINK I CAN'T SEE YOU FUCKERS! Cucktails! Cucktails! Cucktails!

The Punies all exited from their hiding places.

Punathan (Age12): Aww man... You ruined our game of hide and seek! I was gonna win...

Punio: This is no time to play hide and seek when our tree is being invaded! Asstits Asstits Asstits.

Punoa (Age 16): Leave it to Punio to ruin a perfectly good game of hide and seek as a final hoorah. RIght fellas?

The rest of the Punies: YEAH!

Punio: Well... whatever. I brought these strange heroes to our tree known as "The M Team".

Mario: Were "Team M" now.

Puneesy (Age 15): That's so gay.

Puniko (Age 17): I didn't expect them all to be so big.

Puneesy: Like, there so fat too...

Mario: Hey. Suck the hairiest part of the hairiest part of my ass.

Puneesy: Oh please... I'm amazed you didn't need a construction machine to lift these fatties out of here.

Goombella: Hey! Watch it bitch!

Flurrie: Oh my... such applause.

Mario: K. Thats it!

Mario grabbed that bitchy female Puni by the antenna and violently chucked her at a wall making her violently splatter.

Koops: Holy shit Mario!

Punio: It's okay. She's kind of a bitch anyway. Pubic Transformers! Pubic Transformers! Pubic Transformers!

Punio: Oh yeah. Let me formally introduce everyone! This is Madame Flurrie. You guys know her already sadly. This is Koops. He's kind of slow and off so don't be friends with him or anything.

Koops: Aww...

Punio: This is Goombella. She's uhh... I'm too nervous to talk about her so... And this is Mario. He's the fat Italian plumber looking guy with the red hat.

Mario: I'm gonna chuck you at the wall too asshole!

A fat Cartman like Puni with an orange glowing ball emerged out of no where.

Puniper (Age 19): Yeah yeah... We all know who Mario is... We played his games and they suck. I'd rather play COD any day.

Goombella: Wow. You're cool...

Punio: This is Puniper. He's the fatass of all the Punies. Anal cavity Anal cavity Anal cavity

Puniko: He's almost as fat as your friends!

Puniper: AIY! I'M NOT FAT GOD DAMNIT! I'm Big boned...

Punio: So how did you get out of Puni jail this time? I thought you got arrested for assaulting a Gamestop employee over Grand Theft Auto V. I assumed that the X-Nauts henchmen would have left you in your cell. Jipsy Discharge Jipsy Discharge Jipsy Discharge.

Puniper: Welp hehe... Its a pretty funny story. When the X-Naut guard tried trolling me by calling me a fat pothead burnout, I followed that by psychoanalyzing him so hard that I could convinced him that he is a worthless guard who got raped by his grandma which made him want to be a guard. He believed that his life was a paradox so he let me go then he jumped off the Great Tree of Might.

Koops: Damn. Thats kind of intense.

Puniper: Yes. I'm a mastermind of some sorts. But on to real matters at hand, listen here tourettes boy. Realistically, these Team M fucks aren't gonna be able to take down 10,000 fucking X-Nauts. Thats just insane is what it is. Besides, how do you know that these guys aren't working for the X-Nauts in cognito? I doubt that's even the real Mario. The real Mario was never that fat and old. For all you know, this guy could just be some cheap cosplayer from New Jersey.

Punio: Shut up asshole. Maybe if we all fight along side with Mario, we can beat them! El Duce El Duce El Duce!

Puniper: Well said by the tourettes tweak with the big bad ego! Lets not forget that YOU left us stranded while we had to suffer at the hands of the X-Nazis putting us in Puni auschwitz camps. You sure as hell aint no fighter that's for sure. Luckily they couldn't capture just all of us.

Goombella: Are we supposed to say anything Mario?

Mario: Nah. Let them duke it out.

Punio: I bet you're wrong Puniper. I bet we can save them if we all work together! Dickhut Dickhut Dickhut!

Puniper: Okay since it seems like you lack an ability to comprehend basic math, I'll explain to you why your logic is full of shit. There are 10,000 X Nauts, and there are 16 of us. 12 of those 16 are Punies, and 1 of these 12 Punies happened to get killed by the Mario cosplayer not long ago.

Mario: Heh. He thinks I'm a fucking cosplayer. What a dipshit.

Puniper: Do you fucks even know why they've been invading us...

Punio: Yeah. They want our dedly star! Dipshit! Dipshit! Dipshit! Those 3 I meant to say.

Puniper: No retard! They have us captured because they're ASSHOLES! Also, the Jabbis decided to team up with them cause they're fucking dicks. They chew up Puni's, eat them alive, and use our corpses as nests for their eggs ironically. So thats like, 10,110 of them now!

Flurrie: Oh dear...

Punio: We have a good chance to do it! I mean, we've made it this far right? We took out 2 of them so that makes 10,108 of them left! Infected Hyman Infected Hyman Infected Hyman.

Puniper: Punio, Punio, Punio... The only thing you have convinced me of is that I think you're a stupid retard! You're absolutely out of your mind insane. Your tourettes make you sound enough like a crazy asshole alone, but still.

Punio: We'll fine. If you're fat ass is pretentious enough to wait to die, you can so go fuck yourself. The rest of us are gonna work to get our tree back! Feel free to let us know when you're ready to help. And that goes for the rest of you. Lets go guys! Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit!

Punio and the rest of Team M took off to save Punies and Fight X-Nazis.

Puniper: You know what? Screw you guys, I'm gonna go masterbate to my favorite band Dream Theater while I jizz in the sink.

The 5 strange characters soon traveled through a few warp pipes upward through the big ass tree easily making it to the prison cells containing the other Punies. Fortunately for them, most of the X-Nauts just finished watching the movie Fight Club so they got really impressive as they congregated in a random part of the tree and took off their shirts and senselessly fought each other for no reason.

They saw the Elder was trapped in a red cell separate from the other 90 Punies trapped in the blue cell next to them.

Punio: Oh my god! Elder! What have they done to you!? Yeti Balls Yeti Balls Yeti Balls

The elder Puni just woke up after having some old people sleeping time.

Elder Puni (Age 68): Punio... Is that you?

Mario: What the fuck? Why is there so many fucking old people in this story so far.

Goombella: Why is that such a bad thing?

Mario: It's just fucking annoying thats all. Lets see, you got Professor Frankly, Podley, Mayor Kroop, Kammy Koop- wait, she didn't appear to us yet... uhh... who else? Oh. That Beldam bitch looked pretty fucking old. Oh! And Toadsworth even though he's from other games, and now this fucking characters. I swear, I'm gonna shoot some1.

Flurrie: Well, people are gonna be old sweetie.

Mario: Shut up! You're old as fuck too!

Elder Puni: Punio, do you have my prune juice?

Punio: Wait... when was I supposed to get prune juice? Drilldo Drilldo Drilldo

The old saggy female Puni with the purple ball on antenna began feeling deeply offended!

Elder Puni: SEVERAL DAYS AGO YOU TWIT! I Can't believe you would forget such a simple task! Great... because of you, I'm probably gonna fucking die because some spoiled brat being YOU forgot my fucking prune juice.

Mario: Ha! Your alive?

Goombella: Shut up Mario.

Mario: Suck my dick bitch.

Punio: Well uhh... 1000 pardons then. I don't remember you asking for prune juice personally. Asshair fairy Asshair fairy Asshair fairy.

Elder Puni: Shut your mouth twerp! Not only have you let down your elder, but you also single handedly let down our Puni Race! Shame on you!

Punio: But-

Elder Puni: No! I am deeply offended by this. And so are the rest of the Punies. Just look at them!

The rest of the trapped Punies shouted from the other prison cell next to the Elder.

All the other Punies: YEAH!

A young female Puni with a pink ball antenna thing cried at Punio.

Petuni (Age 11): Punio!

Punio: Petuni! Are you okay!? Chipotlai Chipotlai Chipotlai

Petuni: Oh its awful. The X-Nauts have been using us for labor against our will. But not in the way that you think! They've been making us do things! Unspeakable things! Mostly they use us as tissues, soap bars, toilet paper, anal beads, some times anal bead toilet paper if that's even a thing, they've been practice kissing us to hopelessly try to get with their favorite celebrities as girlfriends! They even tie us down to force us to watch them masterbate while they passive aggressively yell at people they still hate from high school.

Petuni: That's not even the worst part! How could you screw us over big brother! Not getting the Elder her prune juice!? She could die! I used to respect and love you, but now, I just don't know you anymore!

Punio: Why are you all so hung up for stupid fucking prune juice when you all are locked up in prison cells! They've made you guys do countless shameful sexual acts, and all you fucks care about is the fucking prune juice. How about I just not find a way to open the cages and let you all rot insted? Ass Pants Ass Pants Ass Pants.

Mario: YES! THANK YOU! Lets focus on the actual story and get the fucking star already!

Elder Puni: Punio, if that is the case, you really have no shame I see.

Petuni: Yeah! I can't believe you would turn your back on us, your own family. All over you not being able to handle being told your mistakes.

Punio: ... Well... I guess if you put things that way, maybe I was a bit in over my head there... we'll get you out of Puni Jail before they start using you guys as fleshlights. Down Syndrome Down Syndrome Down Syndrome!

Elder Puni: I will still smack you when you free us...

Punio: YEAH WHATEVER FUCK YOU!

As the 5 of the heroes walked to the next room in hopes to find the keys to the cells, Mario began to address his partners with a reasonable point.

Mario: Guys... I thought this story was called "Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama!" not "Who gives a shit about fucking Punio aka "Mario" rip off name." Why are we focusing on these dipshits?

Goombella: I think its just a part of the big story.

Mario: It sounds like dumb shit that if I was reading I would skip cause I'm reading this to hear about numero uno! ME!

Mario stated his arrogant point with an even more pretentious poses with his thumbs pointing at himself giving a gross Italian grin.

Koops: Gee... Thats sounds kind of harsh...

Mario: Lick my taint Koops…. Lick my fucking taint.

In the room next to the prison cell, the X-Naut got bored of being a prison guard for the Punies and instead of doing his fucking job, he just sat around pantsless fingering his own asshole to see if he can have an orgasm through his own prostate. He ended up shitting on the floor instead of orgasming.

X-Naut #69: Man... That was brutal. How much longer 'til I find that G Spot in my asshole!? Not even those puny Punies we captured know anything about it. And they crawl in butts! After all this pointless searching, I'm thinking I'm looking in the wrong place…

The perverted X-Naut got in a crawling position and started smelling his own shit out of curiosity.

Immediately as this shit was happening. Ms. Mowz makes her 2nd appearance out of the shadows and into the series and bashes the foolish X-Naut on the back of his head with her shoe. It knocked him out hard enough to make him unconscious. Oh yeah. His face landed in his butt pudding.

Mario and company barged through the door with Mario's usual hammer maneuver running into Ms. Mowz a 2nd time.

Ms. Mowz: Long time no see my slender sleightletts...

Goombella: Oh great, look everyone. Ms. Slutfacebitch everyone!

Koops: Hey Ms. Mowz! Remember me? heh...

Ms. Mowz: Ehh... yeah... So Mario my Masculine Maasdam, I see you have some new friends.

Flurrie: Hands off Mario! Hes mine darling!

Mario: Eww fuck off Flurrie! Nobody wants your saggy veiny globs you call tits!

Ms. Mowz: Flurrie? Well why does that name seem familiar... Wait! You're that famous pornstar! I've looked up to you since I was 6.

Koops: Uhh... You watched porn at 6? Wow... What did your mom think?

Flurrie: Oh please... reach for the stars all you want sweety, but no 1 will shine as bright as me... Flurrie...

Goombella: Will both of you bitches just eat shit and die right now.

Mario: Shut up all of you ugly ass characters!

Mario: So you! Mouse thing, are you here to suck my dick again.

Goombella: That never happened...

Mario: Really? I thought that happened last chapture?

Goombella: No. You 2 just made out and it was gross as fuck...

Mario: Ah damn. Well just incase,

Mario pulled down his overalls and not underware due to his ability of going commando.

He then raised his arms up as if he was a wrestling character.

Goombella: Mario! STOP! FUCKING! STRIPPING!

Flurrie: My Myyy...

Koops: Oh... Should I-

Koops began to pull down his pants as well.

Goombella: Stop at 1ce Koops!

Koops: Ahh gee whiz...

Ms. Mowz: Thanks for the proposal but I'm here for some badges I can sell at my badge shop- I MEAN... See if I can make drugs out of! I've ran into more trouble than I expected with these X-Nantais' or whatever, so... yeah. I'm here sweetie. And as for your Erect Ricotta, I'll gladly take a few nibbles...

Ms. Mowz walked passionately towards Mario.

Ms. Mowz: I'll try to bite…

Ms. Mowz pulled Mario's cock genty out of his briefs and quickly started sucking his dick like a champion. She even nibbled on it a bit which surprisingly felt really good for Mario.

Goombella began to freak out and started to tear up a bit.

Goombella: EWW! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME- I MEAN, OH GOD OH THE HUMANITY.

Flurrie: Oooooo... Now that's what I call a fine lubinsky...

Koops: What smells like doody?

Due to Ms. Mowz's amazing blow job, Mario was able to cum in her mouth in like, 10 seconds.

Ms. Mowz: Mmmmm... cheesy...

Goombella: WHAT!?

Mario: Wow! That was the most amazing dick suck evah! I've never thought I would enjoy such a dick suck with that much teeth! You really know how to bite my dick in just the right places!

Ms. Mowz: Thanks... Its what I do best.

Koops: Ah man... can I have a turn...?

Ms. Mowz: Sorry sweet cheese, I must get off now! Tata…

Ms. Mowz jumped out the weirdly shaped window surviving another 200 story fall for ninja reasons.

Goombella: Why can't she just fucking fall to her deth already!?

Mario: You're just jealous that you don't got no dick for her to suck.

Flurrie: I can do you a little favor like that Goombella...

Goombella: I'D RATHER KILL MYSELF!

The X-Naut from earlier that got knocked the fuck out by Ms. Mowz that landed in his own diarrhea started to get back up. While still not wearing any pants.

X-Naut #69: X-Naut: Urgh, my aching…

The X-Naut wiped the shit off his face with his hands only to see that his face landed in his own shit.

Koops: Oh! So thats what that smell is!

X-Naut #69: NOOO! MY FACE IS COVERED IN SHIT! My I'm gonna get acne just in time before X-Naut Prom night! Some1s gonn have to pay for this!

X-Naut #69: YOU!

The X-Naut pointed at Mario as he was picking his ears for wax.

Mario: Oh hey shitface! What up!?

X-Naut #69: You're the dickbag who knocked me out weren't you!?

Mario: Uhh... Who the fuck are you?

Goombella: And where the fuck is your pants!?

Mario rolled a chunk of his ear wax into a ball with his fingers and flicked it at the X-Naut's eye.

X-Naut #69: Ahh! You uncle fucker! I will destroy you and reign supreme over your wop ass!

Mario: Oh hell no! Nobody calls me that and gets away with it!

Goombella: But people already have Mario.

Mario: Shut up! I know my points! Everyone! Into your Team M ass kicking positions and lets fuck this nigga up!

Goombella: Why does he have to be an N word?

Mario: BECAUSE ITS FUNNY!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 40

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 10/10

V.S.

X-Naut #69 (Pantsless): Power Level 10

Yux: Power Level 6

[TURN 1]

Mario: What the fuck is a Yux? And where did it come from? It sounds like some dumb shit made my Dr. Seuss after he injected heroin into his balls for inspiration.

Goombella: I'll just explain with my tattle since the author never did.

Goombella uses tattle: This is a Yux. They're pretty much these pathetically ugly green "X" shaped robot D-Pad looking creatures that were created in the X-Naut laboratories. They almost look like 1 of my fan made Pokemon characters I made when I was 8.

Mario: So when they created them, they said "yuck" because they're ugly so they named them Yux? Why can't they just make better creations if they didn't like that shit?

Goombella: I don't know. Their whole regime is pretty retarded all together.

Mario: Whatever.

Mario uses power smash on X-Naut #69 giving him a severe heart attack thus killing him: [4 Damage]

Mario: Haha you died!

Yux uses generic anime ring blast move on Mario [2 Damage]

Yux generates a generic mini Yux forming a generic fucking transparent anime shield around themselves.

[TURN 2]

Mario: That thing can fucking give birth!?

Goombella: Yeah... At this point, I can't tell if they're robots, bio creatures or both.

Goombella uses tattle: These are Mini Yux. Small triangular looking things that can form a shield around their master. They have a power level of 1 cause they don't attack at all so they're weak as fuck.

Koops: Hey! Why don't I ever get a turn?

Goombella: Cause my tattles are way more important than what any of you can comprehend!

Koops: Aww shucks! Mario! Can you put me in the battle?

Mario: Uhh... sure... FLURRIE! Your up!

Koops: WHAT!?

Flurrie: Oh my my...

Mario: Haha! Asshole...

Flurrie traded places with Goombella.

The Yux did the same shit as last time from the last 2 moves only it regenerates another Mini Yux: [2 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Mario uses multi jump to eliminate all of the mini Yux: [1 Damage All]

Flurrie uses boob blast on Yux: [2 Damage]

Yux uses ring blast on Flurrie and generates another mini yux. [2 Damage]

[TURN 4]

Mario: Why the fuck is it taking this long to kill this weak cunt!?

Mario uses minor jump attack on Mini Yux: [2 Damage]

Flurrie uses boob blast on Yux thus exploding it without actually hurting Flurrie due to her massive outdated boobs: [2 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Flurrie: My my... we sure bumpugliesed with those thing didn't we?

Mario: We sure did my fat ugly porn partner!

Goombella: Wait... didn't we come here looking for a key? Where is it?

Punio: I know! cock jugglers cock jugglers cock jugglers.

Punio crawled up the ded X-Naut's asshole some how knowing thats where the key would be lodged up in. In his ass.

After 1 minute, the bizarre Puni successfully crawled out holding the key in his mouth. Also he appears to be coated in X-Naut shit... and blood... and semen...

Koops: Whoa! How did you know it would be there!?

Punio: I have some crazy instincts! Devontae Devontae Devontae!

Mario: Well yeah. I would have done the same thing...

Flurrie: Me as well... Shall we get going?

Punio: Yeah sure. Gaylord Gaylord Gaylord.

Koops: Hey Goombella? You mentioned stuff about making fictional Pokemon characters? Wanna hear about some of my fan made Pokemo-

Goombella: Settle down Koops.

Koops: Aww shucks...

**Chapture 3 - 12: Punies Piss me off**

The team of 4 and Punio (who still will never be a Team M member) made it back into the prison room with the Punies still left inside.

Mario tied using the red key to open the blue cell.

Mario: Why the fuck is this not working!? This adventure is really starting to piss me off.

Various Punies in the blue cell started yelling and bitching at Mario to let them out.

Punies: Help! Save us already! Save us! What are you waiting for!? Save us already!? What are you doing? Save us!? SAVE US!?

Mario: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! I CAN'T CONCENTRATE WITH YOU LITTLE GREY FUCKING ABORTIONS BLABBERING!

Mario frustratingly skull bashed his head on the blue bars causing his head to bleed.

Goombella: Uhh... Mario?

Mario: I MEANT TO DO THAT! WHAT!?

Goombella: Uhh... maybe its not working because you're opening the blue cell with the red key.

Mario: Yeah so?

Goombella: So try matching the colors by putting the red key in the red cell.

Koops: Hey! Thats a good idea!

Mario: Pfft... fine.

Punio: I will never understand how you've managed to save the Princess in as many games as you did. Thunder Cunt Thunder Cunt Thunder Cunt

Mario: I do it by fucking you in the ass!

Mario this time successfully opened the red cage containing the Elder Puni.

Mario: Oh... the colors are supposed to match. Well thats gay.

Punio: Elder Puni! Your free! Burning Urethra Burning Urethra Burning Urethra

Elder Puni smacked Punio with her (Yes. Its a she) bulb antenna thing. A tough elders gotta be tough I guess.

According to the game, she also grew the size of a bull for her outrageous burst.

Elder Puni: YOU'RE A FOOLISH FUCK! YOU KNOW THAT!?

Punio: Oh come on! Is this about the prune juice again!? Loonatics Unleashed Sucks Loonatics Unleashed Sucks Loonatics Unleashed Sucks!

Elder Puni shrunk down cause she (Yes. Its a she) was not so mad.

Elder Puni: Sit down...

Punio: Uhh...

Elder Puni: Have a seat. Right over there?

Punio: Uhh... where? Condumbs Condumbs Condumbs

Elder Puni: JUST SIT DOWN RETARD!

Punio sat down on the floor with shame. Lots of shame.

Elder Puni: Punio Punio Punio... You know, this goes almost as deep as the Prune Juice... What you just did was abandon your family including your sister. Your ded parents would not have wanted you to do that... It only adds on to the list of absolutely shameful things about your sorry ass...

Punio: But Elder... I was looking for help so I could rescue you and everyone e-

Elder Puni: Button your trap you little shit!

Goombella: To be fair if I were to interrupt, Punio did do the smarter thing by looking for help rather than if he himself were to get captured along with the rest of you. Then how you were able to-

Elder Puni: Enough out of you tramp!

Goombella: Well fuck you too you old bitch!

Mario: Yeah... I'm gonna go for a smoke break till this shits over.

Koops: Oh wait! Can I bum a cigarette.

Mario: Shut up. You don't even smoke...

Koops: Oh yeah. I forgot

Mario: Besides. I dont really have any cigarettes. I'm just gonna stand around and think about boobs that AREN'T Flurries.

Puni: But Elde-

Elder Puni: Stop interrupting me! You should never interrupt anyone during mid-lecture!

Goombella: But that's all your doing you bitc-

Elder Puni: SILENCE! Any doo... Punio, you wonder why the other Punies call you "dumb fuck"all the time behind your back? Thats why. Cause you are a dumb fuck! The truth hurts doesn't it dumb fuck!

Koops: Golly… I'm starting to connect to this guy...

Flurrie: Hey Koops. Wanna Hand Job?

Koops: No thanks...

Elder Puni: You better stop being a dumb fuck Punio because you have to lead the Puni tribe 1 day.

Punio: Why me?

(Skip this lecture if you don't really care about Punio or any aspect of the Puni Story at all. I'm telling you)

Elder Puni: CAUSE I SAID SO! This is why you need to stop spacing out like a stoned autistic 5 year old watching Power Rangers! Now... first things first. You are a Puni. Not just any Puni, you have a green bulb. Green is my favorite color. Wanna know why? Do you know what color green represents? It represents being Caring, Encouraging, Sharing, Patient, and Relaxed. Let me tell you why you're none of those things! Okay... So you're far from caring. If you were caring, you would have remembered the FUCKING PRUNE JUICE YOU FUCK and you would have never abandoned us like a couple of grey turds in a punch bull. You're not even the least bit encouraging because you are the lowest class of puni. Nothing encouraging about that son. You think your sharing? You thought wrong. You wouldn't even share your ex-lax with me! I don't care If you were trying to "control" your diarrhea, they taste amazing! I almost considered giving you the award for being patient but "ERR!" You thought wrong! If you weren't interrupting me all the damn time like a politician, you would know a thing or 2 about being patient I take that very cripplingly personal any time some little shit decides to overthrow my speech with their worthless words. And ironically most of all, you don't want me to even get started on you being relaxed! You are not relaxed! I mean, you are so not relaxed! Not since they day you were born. You and your "tourette" syndrome as you call it. They way you're shouting profanity all the fucking time every fucking second. No 1 who has tourettes syndrome can ever be relaxed. I don't care if the 2 and 2 have nothing to do with each other! Its fucking retarded! Again, since you are none of those things, you cannot possibly be a decent leader since you are the single farthest thing from it as well. Its so ironic that you with a green bulb would not be a caring, encouraging, sharing, patient, and relaxed Puni. At the same time because of this, I believe that this irony is what makes me believe in you. Since crazy ironic things happen all the time from every single story of earth's history, you may have a chance with all of these things. Like for starters, if you actually took the time to read this entire lecture that is exclusively included in the uncut version, you may actually have a chance of being patient and that patience will help you achieve 1 of these 5 obstacles that are emotions. Now I better stop going on this long, dry, boring lecture before I make this series lose the few followers it has on FanFiction. ...or else! You got that? From now on, you've got to get your act together, Punio!

Everyone fell asleep midway through that boring ass lecture. Seriously, even the 90 Punies trapped in the blue cell fell asleep.

Punio: Oh what!? Oh... Yes, Elder. I understand. assballs assballs assballs

Mario: HA! No you don't! You fucking fell asleep just like the rest of us you fucking fagg-

Punio covered Mario's dumb mouth with his itty bitty hand.

Punio: Do not! Say! Another word! Do you want her (Yes. Its a she) to go on another long ass tangent!?

Elder Puni: Okay! Since none of you were listening! Now I have to give an even longer more dragging lecture than ever before. You see!

Everyone else: AAHHH!

A few hours later...

Elder Puni: And that is why Miyamoto fucking hates me!

Punio: Wow... that lecture was amazing...

Mario: CAN WE GO ALREADY!? THE TIP OF MY PENIS HAS BEEN IN AGONIZING PAIN LISTENING TO THIS FUCKING PUNI BACK STORY SHIT! NO 1 CARED WHEN THEY PLAYED 1000 YEAR DOOR, AND NO 1 CARES NOW READING 1000 YEAR DRAMA! LETS GO!

Punio: Okay... Petuni! Just you wait. I'll be right back for-

Mario: OH NO WE WONT!

The non imprisoned characters progressed to the lobby room where Punio can tell off the 10 pussy hiding Punies a thing or 2 Ah tel he hwat. Not as funny when it's typed out...

Puniper: Well well well, if it isn't the mighty Punio hmph!

Punio: Oh hey Puniper! Whats up? How was masterbating in the sink!? I bet you were staring at yourself in the mirror when you did it! Porch Monkey Porch Monkey Porch Monkey

Puniper: Well yes, but you forgot 1 thing! I stole mother's make up and pretend to be a submissive prostitute as I did it! Why did I just say that out loud!?

Puni started clapping his hands!

Punio: Bravo buddy... bravo! Anyhow, I brought the elder back. So what now!? Still don't think I can save the day bitch!? Superaids Superaids Superaids

Puniper: Mmmm... Don't get a swelled head!

Punio: Speaking of swelled, try looking in a mirror fatass! Oh wait. You just did! HAH! Jipsy Nazi Jipsy Nazi Jipsy Nazi

Puniper: I'M BIG BONED YOU STUPID JEW!

Punio: ... what?

Koops was distracted from this as he was looking up on his phone a photo of Maggie Simpson 69ing with Stewie Griffin while they were shitting.

Elder Puni: Say... Wait a second, I remember now! My prune juice... It was Puniper! You were the 1 who took my prune juice! Not Punio!

Puniper: Oh please what makes you think that I did it?

Punio: Yeah! What would a fat kid do with prune juice anyway? Illuminati Illuminati Illuminati.

Puniper: AHI! IM NOT FAT GOD DAMNIT!

Elder Puni: I remember cause I heard that heavy breathing sound that only fat people make regularly before you ran off. I thought it was Punio for no reason. Then it occurred to me that the puni doing it was having heavy breathing. The same kind that you have Puniper!

Puniper started to breath heavily.

Elder Puni: You stubborn mule! What were you thinking taking my prune juice! Don't you know I could die without it!?

Puniper: Well it was in the way so I threw it out.

Elder Puni grew into the size of a stubborn mule.

Elder Puni: YOU DID WHAT!?

Puniper: It was in the friggin' way all the time in the fridge!

Elder Puni: Yeah. MY fridge that I own! NOT for YOU to go RUBBISHING in!

Puniper: Who the hell needs prune juice anyway.

Elder Puni: Shut you mouth you little shit! How deplorable for you to talk like that.

Mario: What te fuck!? Can we get onto the real story!? NO 1 is reading this to listen to some fucking Puni Prune Juice fucking story! WERE! HERE TO READ ABOUT MY STORY! MY! FUCKING! STORY! I WILL SERIOUSLY START EXECUTING PUNIES IF THIS SHIT KEEPS GOING ON! Ich töte EUCH ALLEN VERMIN! Du hörst mich!? EUCH ALLEN VERMIN!

Flurrie: Oh dear...

Koops: What was that?

Goombella: Was that German you were speaking just there?

Mario: Uhh... I dont know... But to my point. This is my story! And all of you little shit kickers are gonna help me get the dedly star you people have trapped in here! If any of you oppose me, I will personally stomp on each and everyone of you! And it will amuse me!

Punio: Shut up Mario! This is my missio-

Mario: YOU SHUT UP FUCK FACE!

Koops: Uhh Mario... Don't you think thats a little harsh?

Mario: Fuck you Koops! I am Mario! Leader of Team M! And I am getting really sick of this bullshit! I mean, just who the fuck do these Punies think I am for fuck sakes!?

All the Punies started to tremble in fear as they were all attending Mario's speech.

Mario: Now, I don't know what you Punies are useful for other than being shoved up people's asses and being used as projectiles, but if you Punies got any "fuck you" spirit in you! You will temporarily join me to kick some X-Nazi ass, take back your shitty tree, collect my 2nd dedly star, and most importantly, NOT PISS ME OFF! So who's with me!?

Punio, Puniper, and the 9 other Punies besides Elder Puni: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!1

[11 Punies Joined your party for this chapture]

Mario raised his head in pride again while he crossed his shoulders like some kind of badass.

Mario: That's the fuck you spirit i'm talking about!

Flurrie: Oh what a sexy leader...

Goombella: Mario. That was the worst speech ever! How the fuck did that inspire all of those Punies?

Mario: Its pretty easy to put the fear of my foot in their asses into them. Its works better when I am far bigger and louder. I am 4 foot 3! I will do whatever it takes to fill the void of my disease that is compensation disorder! My size is the meir pilot of the machine that is my voice! And wow! That last part just sounded really gay just there! Damnit Koops! That sounded like something you would say!

Koops: Aww gee whizz...really?

Elder Puni: Well you all take care and save the rest of the Punies. As for me, I wont be joining you. Not only did you steal my leadership, but i'm old as fuck. I'll probably die if I join you for the time being.

Mario: Well thats good cause you talk too much anyway. Wait, why do we gotta save the rest of the puni fucks!?

Goombella: Well we're also trying to help save their race from the X-Naut torture.

Mario: They can nibble on my oversized pubes for all I care!

Goombella: Its the right thing to do!

Mario: Like I give a flying fuck! We got our own shit to worry about!

Elder Puni: Marty Mcfly! I think thats your name... You can't make it to the star without the rest of the Punies even if you wanted too.

Mario: What?

Elder Puni: You can't enter the deep basement of the tree containing the star without 100 Punies. The only way we can get that many is if we rescue the rest of them from the blue cell. You're gonna have to look around the tree to find the blue key if you wanna reach for the star successfully. In the mean time, you can enter some rooms just fine with just the help of 10 Punies. And it looks like you have... 37? 42? 1000? Gosh golly my visions going bad.

Goombella: It's 11...

Elder Puni: I KNEW THAT SLUT! Anyhow, the reason why you need a certain quantity of Punies to get through some rooms is because some of the puzzles and obstacles in this tree are only accessible through a weight scale of some sorts.

Mario and Koops: Huh?

Elder Puni: Before you head off, hears a sun orb. Don't ask why it makes sense. I had it lodged in a special secret place of mine for generations. I stole it from a museum some time ago for not letting me eat barbeque wings around the displays. Basically, for some reason, it only activates when you place it in a black stone mail box looking thing. 1ce you do it, it shines a bright light that compels the Punies to briefly form a sex orgy on top of the scale. 1ce you take it out, they'll stop and you still reach your destination.

Elder Puni handed the orb to Mario in a way where the orb slowly levitated for Mario to grabs. If this was an animation, this would be lazy as fuck looking. Like in the game itself.

Mario: Why does it smell like old fish?

Elder Puni: You don't wanna know...

Koops: So why didn't the X-Nauts know about the scales while they were infiltrating the tree?

Mario: Probably cause they're just a bunch of fucking retards.

Goombella: So are we! Well... not me, but you know, the rest of you!

Mario: Alright! So are we off now!?

Elder Puni: Oh wait! 1 more thing! If you lose any of the Punies. Your fucked. They'll die easily if they're isolated and will be eaten by some fucked up black and white creatures. You won't be able to make it through the scales, and you will be fucked. Plus I will personally hate you.

Mario: Good to know. So everyone! Lets go.

Elder Puni: Oh wait. 1 more thing. Do you have your lunch I made for you?

Mario: What?

Elder Puni: Oh sorry. Nevermind... I was getting a little... nostalgic.

Mario: So... Were off now?

Elder Puni: Yeah.

Mario: Alright fuckshits! Were off!

Team M and the Punies took off.

Elder Puni: Oh wait. 1 more thing!

Mario: DONT CARE!

Elder Puni: I love you...

Mario, the Punies, and the strange characters headed to a room with that obstacle the Elder Puni was talking about with the scale. Since it's a part of the main story, these obstacles should be kind of fun to narrate.

Punio: Hey everyone! Look! Its the scale the Elder Puni was talking about. Sarah Palin Sarah Palin Sarah Palin.

Punio spotted a black and white marble stone structure of what appeared to be the scale as it contained a pad for things to be placed on it along with a number counter to indicate the amount of 10 Punies on the platform. Thats how a scale works for those of you who never go grocery shopping or drug dealing. It makes you wonder if the machine is powered by electricity or will power. Maybe the tree has something to do with it OH WHO KNOWS! Must every little thing in this game be ruined!? BY ME!

Goombella: I don't get it. How have you all lived in this tree for your entire lives and never notice that thing right there!?

Puniper: I sure as hell never noticed that shit. I'm usually pretty stoned most of the time.

Puniko: You're always stoned dude.

Puniper: Well yeah! I gotta be! I'm a drug dealer dumbass!

Koops: Wait. Who were you again?

Puniko: I talked for a bit in a scene earlier.

Koops: Oh yeah...

Mario: Right. So... get on the platform already.

Punathan: Yeah... Uhh... were scared...

Mario: ...what?

Puniko: Yeah! What if we get electrocuted?

Mario: Its a fucking scale you dumbshits.

Punio: Can't we just put Puniper on the scale? He's gotta be worth about 10 Punies in fat. Lardass Lardass Lardass!

Puniper: IAY! I AM GONNA WALK OUT OF HERE, AND GO HOME AND EAT SOME HEMP BAGEL BITES, AND FALL ASLEEP! Besides, lets just use the human... and the koopa... and the goomba... and that disturbing fat old cloud looking thing... She's gotta weigh 1000 punies.

Goombella: I think the Elder Puni specified that only Punies can alter the perportune of the scale.

Koops: That sounded smart the way you just said that.

Goombella: Thank you.

Puniper: That doesn't make any fucking sense! I bet that Mario looking slob eats at Lil' Caesar's day in and day out!

Mario: DUDE! FUCK YOU! I DONT WANNA HEAR AbOUT LIL FUCKING CAESARS! THAT PLACE CAN WIPE MY UNKEMPT ASS FOR ALL OF ETERNITY!

Koops: What's wrong with Lil Caesars?

Mario: ITS NOT IMPORTANT! ITS TOO MUCH TO EXPLAIN! JUST FUCK LIL CAESARS!

Puniper: It's that kind of crappy italian food that you old Mario wannabe looking cunt faces eat at.

Mario: I AM MARIO YOU FUCK WAD!

Puniper: You look way too old to really be Mario.

Mario: I go through life changes!

Puniper: Yeah right. You look like 1 of those rejected Oompa Loompas looking for a home that got dropped down a fucking sewage pipe. Theres no way your the real Mario.

Mario: OH YEAH? Well, you look like 1 of those overweight results of a severe birth defect that probably had alot of blood loss making you into a dumb shit! Your ded parents probably killed themselves for having such an ugly deformed baby right after they tried rolling you into a busy intersection making you even uglier!

Puniper: Holy shit! What an insult. Hmm... Perhaps you are the real Mario.

Mario: Thats right! Don't mess with me fuck wad!

Goombella: Right... So I'm gonna just place this sun orb into this little box thing right here.

Goombella grabbed the sun orb out of Mario's "back pocket" and placed it into the box causing all of the Punies to lose control of their minds and started having a Puni orgy with each other for a brief period on top of the platform causing a grey warp pipe to pop out of no where and Goombella pulling the sun orb out.

Flurries: Oh please... I "Madame Flurrie" have been in way bigger orgies than that.

Punio: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME DO!? Cum in mouth Cum in mouth Cum in mouth

Puniper: WHY DO I STILL HAVE A BONER!?

Goombella: Yeah. Sorry about that. It was the only to calm you Punies down. I'm just surprised that worked... gross.

Koops: Oh its not so bad. Did you know I learned how to masterbate by having sex with fruit when I was 13? I likes drilling holes in cantaloupe. Sometimes pineapple if I was feeling like I deserved the pain.

Goombella: WHY DO YOU TELL ME THESE THINGS!?

Koops: Oh whoopsies. I've been burying that information down for a while and I just needed to tell some1 badly. Like, I don't know why I said anything. Hehe.

Goombella: Something is dangerously wrong with you. I'd go see a therapist if I were.

Koops: I think you'd be a good therapist.

Goombella: No! You're too weird!

After traveling down the warp pipe, they soon discovered a room where they were on an edge with a bubble pool underneath them. Rainbow bubbles were spewing upwards despite there being no scientific reasoning behind it. I think this room is 1 of the more memorable 1s in the game itself.

Mario: Oh fuck! A ded end.

Flurrie: My my... what is with all of these sexy bubble floating in the air?

Goombella: huh?

Punio: How are we gonna get across? Cornholer Cornholer Cornholer

Puniper: Well there's a warp pipe behind us. Maybe it will take us somewhere near by?

Koops who had already taken the warp pipe downwards started shouting from below.

Koops: GUYS! The warp pipe only takes you down to this rainbowy pool!

Mario: Shit! Seriously!?

Koops: Yeah. It looks pretty tasty though…

Koops got on his knees and get this... he actually started slurping the soapy bubble water thinking it was gonna taste like candy. He might be getting sick soon just a heads up.

Mario: HA! Look at him go!

Goombella: KOOPS! What the fuck are you doing!? Stop drinking that! Do you have any idea how many different chemicals are inside that pool!?

Koops: Aww geez... really? I thought it was like, candy or something.

Goombella: Nothing that spews bubbles is "candy" you stupid fuck!

Koops: Is that why it tastes like soap?

Goombella: So you just kept drinking it knowing it tastes like soap!?

Koops: Maybe there was supposed to be a good aftertaste? How should I know?

Goombella: YOU SHOULD KNOW!

Flurrie: Aww... give him a break. He's just sheltered and doesn't know any better.

Goombella: Fuck you! I was sheltered for most of my life too but at least I wasn't dumb!

Puniko: So wait? How are we supposed get across now?

Goombella: Hmm...

Flurrie: I GOT IT!

Everyone looked at Flurrie in a surprise expression that she would be competent enough to conjure an idea.

Flurrie: How about you all just simply walk across?

Goombella: Of course! Drr! Why didn't I think of that!?

Mario: Cause your not as smart as you think you are.

Goombella succeeded that comments with an angry facial expression.

Punathan: But were scared of the water.

Punio: Yeah. All us Punies are too small to walk through it. Plus we can't swim. Fuckface fuck face fuckface

Flurrie: Mmmm... I see... Well, you should able to float on the bubbles and I'll just use my dastardly wind powers to propel you all to the other side.

Goombella: THATS A TERRIBLE IDEA!

Koops: I'm feeling weird you guys.

Puniko: Thats scary.

Puniper: Yeah! I don't wanna float in a fucking bubble. Thats gay.

Mario: Just get in the fucking water!

Punio: We don't want to! Jewnazi Jewnazi Jewnazi

Punathan: Yeah! We're not taking our chances!

Mario: For fuck sakes! Its fucking water. You swim across, and swim off to the other side. Are you too retarded not to see past that!?

Puniper: Yeah fuck that! Were not doing it!

Flurrie: But don't you all wanna save your lovely tree?

Punio: Can't you all at least just carry us? Mexicans Mexicans Mexicans

Mario: THATS IT! MY PATIENCE HAS ENDED!

As the tip of Mario's penis started hurting out of frustration again, he started going on an angry rampage where he started to grab them by their antennas, and violently attempted to chuck the Punies across the pool where they landed in the water.

Goombella: JESUS FUCK MARIO!

Flurrie: Oh the humanity!

Mario: FUCK THE FUCKING PUNIES! SERIOUSLY!

Goombella: Are they alive!?

Koops: Look! Thier aliv- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRGGGG!

The Punies started floating in the bubbles upwards making Flurrie's plan seem somewhat successful.

Goombella: You do realize you could have killed them right?

Mario: I thought that was the idea.

Punio: You didn't have to chuck us you asshole! Asstard Asstard Asstard

Mario: Actually, yeah. Yeah I did. Now Flurrie! Use your wind blowing powers on them!

Flurrie: Mmmm with pleasure...

Goombella: WAIT! NO!

Flurrie put tons of pressure in her body as she turned around, gripped her fists, and used her ass wind farting ability to move the floating punies to the other side.

Mario: Oh right. I forgot that's how she does that...

The punies have successfully made it across.

Mario: You know, it would be a little more redeeming if she just learned how to shave her ass.

Goombella: Sweet. Now we can move on.

Mario: Finally, onto the next dumb ass obstacle!

Goombella: Yes. Come on Koops.

Koops: Okay- BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGG

Koops Puked all over Flurrie's boobs.

Flurrie: My my... I didn't know you were into that.

Koops: Uhh... Im sorry, but please don't say that to me...

After a few more pointless obstacles, wait... wait seriously, why the fuck does there need to be this many obstacles!? This is bullshit. Who the fuck built that shit? Do the Punies have to get past these in order to function in their everyday lives? What the fuck!? Wait. They never even recognized these parts of the tree before.

Mario: Ah fuck. Another ded fucking end. This is really starting to piss me off!

Goombella: I don't think I've ever seen you not pissed off.

Mario: Well if I didn't have to shit so badly, I wouldn't be so pissed off!

Koops: Oh gee... do you think there's a bathroom around here?

Mario: No Koops! No there isn't you piece of shit.

Punio: Yeah. We dont even know what a bathroom is. Foreplay Foreplay Foreplay

Mario: Well thats helpful. If I don't find 1 soon, I'll make my own on the floor.

Flurrie: Mmmmm... I'll be your bathroom sweetskinz...

Mario: ... You know, I might just take your offer in that. Alright. Open your mouth bitch.

A swarm of retarded black hummingbird things spontaneously spawned out of some bee hive looking thing that was in the room the entire time but never acknowledged. They started flying towards them in means to attack the good guys.

Goombella: What the fuck are those things!?

Puniper: Those are the Jabbis God Damnit!

Koops: They're the jabbies?

Mario: Those fucking bird things!? Ha! Look at their eyes! They look like a bunch of alcohol induced miscarriages after a rampant gay butt blasting sex orgy with a pack of racist looking crows from Disney!

Jabbis: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo ...

Punio: It's a 10 Jabbi squadron! Lets get them! Pube Poker Pube Poker Pube Poker

Puniper: Alright! I'm gonna kick them square in the nnnnnNUTS!

Puniko: You go do that.

**[BATTLE MODE kind of]**

Mario: Power Level 40

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 30

Punies: Collective Power Level 11

V.S.

10 Jabbis: Collective Power Level 10 (They're Fucked)

_Battle music: Mission Impossible Theme_

The Jabbis and Punies charged at each other in an epic war like Braveheart fashion causing 1 of the greatest bloodbaths known in history... just kidding. The fight was actually pretty pathetic.

Since the Punies began the fight in an unorganized way where the Jabbies were winning.

3 of the Jabbies kept pecking at Puniper due to him being the fat weak 1.

Puniper: Ahh! Get off me God damnit! AAHHH!

More Jabbis kept chasing and scaring the other.

Mario: Ha! Look at those faggots getting their asses handed to them. Fucking losers.

Goombella: Wait, shouldn't we help them out or something?

Koops was looking up a photo if Milhouse licking the Comic Book guy's asshole. This Koops guy wont stop looking up Simpsons Hentai will he.

Mario: Fuck that shit. Id rather rub my balls on Africa than deal with that shit.

Punio: Will you cock jugglers help us out! Were getting our asses handed to us! Menopause Menopause Menopause.

Punio got lifted in the air by 2 Jabbis

Jabbis: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo

Mario: Oh. I guess we get to slaughter small birds. Awesome!

Koops: But you just said-

Mario: I know what I said Koops! Now shut up before I drill a hole in your dad's gooch and call it his "mangina!"

Goombella uses like, a rocket skull bash to projectile herself splattering 1 of the Jabbis.

Goombella: Oh god I feel guilty for that now...

2 of the Punies played tug a war with 1 of the Jabbies ripping off its limbs bleeding that shit to deth.

Koops kept looking on his phone for Simpson's hentai when suddenly 2 Jabbi knocked his phone on the ground.

Koops: Hey! That was my phone asshole! BLEEEEEEEEEERRRGGG

Koops' puke somehow killed the Jabbi's and made them melt.

Koops: Ugg…. Why did I drink that bubble juice!?

Mario grabbed the Jabbi and angrily bit its head off like Ozzy Osbourne to a bat.

1 of the Jabbi's was flying around looking for a Puni to fight when suddenly Puniper landed on him out of nowhere thus crushing it with his big fat puni ass.

Flurrie uses queef blast to send 2 of the Jabbi's into a whirlwind of vagina fart which spattered them on the wall.

Puniko strangled 1 of the Jabbi's with his antenna to deth.

Jabbi: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo

There was 1 more Jabbi left who was cornering Punio

Jabbi: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo

Punio: AAAAHHH! Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo

Jabbi: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo

Punio: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo

Jabbi: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo-

Mario surprised the last Puni by dropping a turd on it crushing it to deth.

**[END OF BATTLE kind of]**

Goombella: WHAT THE FUCK MARIO!? DID YOU REALLY NEED TO TAKE A DUMP ON IT!? LIKE, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Mario: Oh stop acting all "well behaved." It was a clever way to kill the last retard and you know it.

Flurrie: Hoo... I don't know about you guys, but that last move mario pulled off truly just made me all wetty..

Goombella: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Punio: Yay! We did it! we killed every last 1 of those fucking Jabbis! Red shithole Red shithole Red shithole!

Puniper: What are you talking about!? You ran and hid like a little pussy!

Mario: Yeah. You Punies suck satan's almighty chode at fighting.

All the Punies: FUCK YOU!

Koops: What smells like shit again?

Mario: My turd on the floor.

Koops: Oh yeah.

Goombella: Wait. Shouldn't we be looking for a key or something?

Punio: Oh right! I almost forgot. We gotta destroy the Jabbi hive fortress! BIG TITS! BIG TITS! BIG TITS!

Punio and the rest of the Punies crawled inside their base to destroy it out of try hard spite. The Punies soon exited the base as it exploded behind them like some cliche action movie while Punio held the blue key that they were looking for in his mouth.

Koops was distracted as he was mindlessly staring at Mario's turd for no reason.

Punio: Yay! we found the key.

Mario: Fuck yeah we did. Alright everyone! Lets go back to the fucking prison! And Koops! Stop staring at my turd! Its really weird.

Koops: Why is it shaped like corn on the cob?

Mario: If you don't stop obsessing over my shit right now, I'm gonna rip your bandaid off, wipe my ass with it, and put it back on your nose.

Koops: Okay.*SNIFF* I think i'm getting really light headed guys.

**Chapture 3 - 13 Punies Still Piss me off.**

Before we dabber into another retarded sub-chapture with the retarded team M, lets see what's been going in the blue prison cell that the X-Nauts have been "keeping an eye on." Wait seriously, what the fuck!? Why haven't we heard of any X-Nauts in the past few scenes? There were supposed to be 10,000 of them. Some1 needs to tell them to stop playing with their ding dongs and GET BACK A 2 TWERK!

Puness (Age 13): Gee willikers. Theres no way Punio and those M weirdos are gonna make it back. They probably stormed off.

Petuni: Hey! My brother will be back. I just know it!

Punikki (Age 16): Oh please bitch. Their asses so got fucked by the X-Nauts and Jabbis. You know they teamed up with each other ironically right?

Petuni: Yeah! So? Your ugly so no 1 needs to listen to you.

Punicholai (Age 18): It's pointless. As is life itself. The X-Nauts are just gonna rape us all ded in a pile of ded bodies everywhere. We might as well kill ourselves before they cut our lives into pieces.

Petuni: Well your an emo fag.

Puness: Wait, what's that thing you've been holding onto?

Petuni: What this?

Petuni pulled out something out of no where that may look like a dried shroom.

Petuni: It's Leonard Nimoy's dried up sebbard cock.

All of the other Punies: WHAT!?

Petuni: Yeah. He was an organ donor and he requested that his penis be sent to an ancient majical giant tree in the mushroom kingdom. It was for religious reasons I think.

Punicholai: Isn't he the guy who played as Spock from Star Drek?

Petuni: Yeah. Yeah he is. I figured that Punio is a huge Star Drek fan. When he comes back, i'm gonna give it to Punio to eat.

All of the other Punies: WHY!?

Team M and the rest of the Punies have returned to the cell with the key and everything.

Petuni: Look! They're here!

Punio: Look Petuni! we're back! We brought the key! We're opening the cell right now! Little Richard Little Richard Little Richard

Punio opens the blue cell.

Puness: Yay! Were not getting raped after all!

90 of the punies have exited the evil blue cell.

Petuni: Thank you big brother!

Punio: No problem lil sister. I love you!

Petuni: I know you do. Anyhoo, I come bearing a gift. I meant to give you this sooner but you know…

Petuni hands Punio Leonard Nimoy's penis thinking that it was a dried shroom. You know where this is going.

Punio: Wow! A Dried Shroom! My favorite! Aww you shouldn't have!

Mario: Wait... isnt that Leon-

Petuni: Eat up!

Punio started chowing down on the "dried shroom" like it was no tomorrow. Little did he know, he was in for a nasty surprise.

Everyone else: EWWW!

Mario: HA!

Punio: Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Delicious! That was the best dried shroom I've ever eaten! Penis Penis Penis.

Petuni: Oh yeah, well get this, *chuckle* you know how you LOVE Star Drek? And you know how you *chuckles more* just ate that "dried shroom"? Well *chuckles even more* get this get this... *chuckles alot more* THAT WAS LEONARD NIMOY'S DED PENIS!

Punio: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT!?1

Petuni: Yeah! I knew that Star Drek is your favorite show! And just as a pure coincidence, Leonard Nimoy himself donated his wang to our tree so I combined those ideas and I got your ass!

Mario: PPPPPPFFFFFFTTTT! AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

Goombella: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU PSYCHOPATH!?

Punio: BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?

Pentuni: Because! Thats what you get when you leave the toilet seat up and I have to sit on your pee water! So for revenge, I tricked you into eating Spock's cock!

Punio: BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!1

Koops: BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Koops: Sorry. The puking is contagious. And I'm still very sick...

Flurrie: Aww... No need to worry Koops. Here. Lemme give you some sugar honey…

Flurrie squished Koop's cheeks together and stared at him intensely.

Koops: Wh- what... what are you doing?

Flurrie: Now close your eyes and think of England.

Flurrie ferociously smooched Koops thinking that would cure his ass.

Koops opened his eyes and BLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGED all over Flurrie covering her in puke. I think that actually make Flurrie look prettier am I right fellow Paper Mario fans? This wouldn't be Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama without people mindlessly puking all the damn time!

Koops: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?

Goombella: YOUR ALL SUCH SICK FUCKS!

Mario: Aww man. That penis thing was so funny I think I popped a blood vessel in my eye laughing so hard.

Mario said as he was covering his bleeding eye socket.

Mario: Alright so are you punies joining our party for the remainder of the chapture are what?

Petuni: Yeah sure.

[90 Punies joined your ARMY]

See? Its that simple to progress in a story. I just choose not to.

Along the way to the next Jabbi den, Mario and the non Puni Team M members fell off that narrow path in the game. They landed safely and totally had no climactic effect. I mean, the Punies just watched and stood around like pussies.

Team M got distracted and entered the shop in the tree known as "Puni Pun's Party Shop" to sell a fire flower only so they can fill their inventory with some new cool items such as Ice Cocaine and a Mystery Box.

_[Inventory : 2 Shrooms, 1 Fire Weed, 1 POW Blocks, &amp; 2 jar of honey flavored vagelly syrup, Ice Cocaine, and Mystery Box and 2 Tasty Tonic Waters.]_

Alright. Enough narration. Lets pan things back to the character's point of views.

Mario: Wow! It was pretty cool that they had Ice Cocaine. I haven't had any of this shit in awhile.

Koops: Whoa. Like, what does it do?

Mario: What do you think retard!? You snort it, and you blow ice out of your nose to freeze the damn jerkops!

Koops: It sounds kind of made it.

Goombella: I just hope that mystery box is something useful, let alone not disturbing.

Koops: What if it's like... a present that Jokey Smurf made. Then your face would uhh.. blow off...

Goombella: *sigh* God damnit Koops. Smurfs aren't real you dumbass! Evan if it was Jokey Smurf. It would just burn my face or something dumb like that.

Flurrie: Mmmm... But then that would ruin your makeup on your beautiful face. MMMMM LEMME KISS IT! LEMME KISS IT!

Flurrie tired to impulsively grab Goombella's cheeks to kiss her like what went down with Koops and Mario earlier. Geoombella headbutted Flurrie with her flashlight piece on her helmet and gave Flurrie a bloody nose.

Goombella: Eww! Get away from me! What!? Now you're a lesbian or something!?

Mario: She has done some girl on girl shit if you know what I mean.

Goombella: Get that image away from me RIGHT NOW!

Another gang of minor enemy emos emerged out of no where. This gang involved another Pale Piranha and 2 Piders. Piders look like spiders but are much bigger, and black and white. GET IT! IT'S LIKE SPIDER, BUT WITHOUT THE "S"! GENIUS NAMING FOR THESE VILLIANS! Ahh... look it up if you wanna know what they look like. "Pider" is also Russian for "Faggot" funny enough.

Pale Piranha: Check out these faggots guys!

Pider 1: Hey! I'm called "Pider!"

Pale Piranha: Not you! I'm talking to the conformists over here!

Goombella: OH GOD ARE THOSE-

Koops: Are those the same guys from earlier?

Goombella began to close her eyes and shivered in traumatic disgust.

Mario: Great... more of these guys. And with that same opening line too...

Goombella: EWW! SOME1! GET ME AWAY FROM THOSE THINGS!

Flurrie: Aww poor baby... whats wrong?

Goombella: I TOTALLY HAVE LIKE, SEVERE ARACHNOPHOBIA UP THE ASS! Also... SHUT UP!

Goombella began to hide and shut her eyes in pain and anxiety.

Koops: Whoa... what's erectopobia? Do you hate boners or something?

Goombella: I have an petrifying fear of spiders and shit like that! Can you guys just kill them. I'm really sick of freaking out this much right now.

Mario: Haha. You can't stand spider you fucking pussy.

Goombella: Fuck you Mario. I'm killing you after you kill those spiders!

Pider 2: You know what we should do? We should tie them up! Make them watch music videos of Attack Attack and get these jocks into some real crab core!

Pider 1: Oh NOYICE bro! Then if they refuse, will make paint them black with our eyeliner on their ded bodies! Will make them look all hard core and shit. Like how Aplhawarewolf would have want.

Flurrie: That sounds most sexy...

Goombella: ARE YOU GUYS GONNA KILL THESE EDGY INSECTS OR WHAT!?

Goombella started tearing up alot smearing her eye liner all over her face.

Koops: None of you answered my question. Are those the same guys from earlier?

Mario: Alright. This banter has to stop before I compulsively cock strangle you all!

Pider 2: HA! Thats like, really gay brah!

**[BAD-HOLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 32/40

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 26/30

FP: 6/10

V.S.

Pale Pirahna: Power Level 8

Pider 1: Power Level 10

Pider 2: Power Level 10

_Battle Music: Die Romantic by Aiden_

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattl-

Goombella: I'm not doing it! I'm not opening my eyes until those bugs are gone!

Mario: Are... are you fucking kidding me?

Goombella: I'M FREAKED OUT BY SPIDERS! WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU GET!?

Mario: I just find it funny that you can't stand a few spiders when you're studying to be an archeologist. You know, a job where you most likely will have to go through spiders to find ancient objects.

Goombella: ...

Mario: You can't do your job if you're this terrified of spiders.

Goombella: ...

Mario: This is a huge problem for your fucking education. You know that right?

Goombella: ... *Sigh* fine you win...

Goombella squints her eyes and uses tattle: This is a pider BLEEEEERRRRRGGGGGGG! It's a foul horrifying creature from the black fucking lagoons with a power level of 10 that drops down from its web. It shoots out these balls of webs and OH CAN YOU JUST FUCKING KILL IT! LIEK EWW!

Koops: BLEEEEEEEERRRRRGGGGGG! I'm still sick…

Goombella: WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST A MILLION TIMES!

Mario uses power smash and Pale Piranha splattering it all over the floor.

Goombella: That better be 1 of the fucking spiders that got smashed.

Pider 1: Whoa dude! He killed 1 of the Piranhas!

Pider 2: Yeah! That was fucking hard core brah!

Pider 1 uses gross wad of ass web and shit fired it all over Goombella getting it stuck all over her face. [2 Damage]

Goombella: ... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Goombella ran away crying to who knows where for now.

Mario: God damnit.

Pider 2 fires 3 mini web balls at Mario. Mario deflected them all like a real nigga.

[TURN 2]

Mario: Uhhh... Flurrie! Your up!

Koops: Wait! When's my turn!?

Mario: As soon as we stop receiving aerial based enemies!

Koops: What?

Mario: You can only do ground based attacks remember!?

Koops: Ahh man... I suck...

Mario uses trade for Furrie: [0 Damage]

Mario: YOU MEAN THAT COUNTED AS MY FUCKING TURN!?

Flurrie uses mega boob blaster on Pider 1: [2 Damage]

Pider 2: Noyice bro!

Pider 1: Shut up dude. That was so gross. I never wanna see boobs again.

Pider 1 uses 3 web balls shit spit fun blast at Flurrie. [3 Damage]

Koops checked his facebook awaiting Koopie Koo's lack of response.

Koops: It's been awhile since I last checked this.

Pider 2 uses web shit ball at Mario who countered hitting Flurrie due to fans not being very attached to her. [2 Damage more on Flurrie]

Pider 2: Can you even Djent bro!?

[TURN 3]

Mario uses power bounce on Pider 2 eliminating it from life brutally: [5 Damage]

Flurrie uses gross veiny boob smack on Pider 1: [2 Damage]

Pider 1: STOP DOING THAT!

Pider 1 uses bullet spider prostate propeller at Flurrie putting her in danger mode: [5 Damage] That's more than it should be.

Flurrie: YOU THINK A LITTLE FECAL MATTER IS GONNA STOP ME! YOU'RE PLAYING IN MY SPECIAL FIELD THERE! BY THAT I MEAN, YOU'RE ONLY TURNING ME ON! FEAR MY WETNESS AS I DESTROY YOU WITH THE SEISMIC POWER OF MY WACKY WATERY WORLD THAT IS MADAME FLURRIES FILTHY VAG-

Mario: Flurrie! Stop it!

Flurrie: What?

Mario: Just... stop it. I don't usually like saying this, but your actually really creeping me out right now.

Flurrie: My my...

Mario uses minor double jump attack from Paper Mario: [2 Damage]

Flurrie uses finish move "VAGINAL WALLS OF DETH!" on Pider. [Alot of Damage]

[LEVEL UP]

Mario leveled up to level 7 upgrading his power level to 50. I can't stop keeping track of this. I'M NOT EVEN DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM! Yet.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario: Well that was pretty dumb.

Mario grabbed a **Charge Badge** that the ded team of wild edge fags had on them ironically. This badge allows Mario and maybe others to charge +1 Attack each turn used. This can make Mario's power level go higher than an obvious over 9000 joke.

Koops: Hey! Is that candy?

Koops tried to impulsively grab it take a bite of the badge before Mario pushed koops away from him.

Mario: DO YOU FUCKING THINK EVERYTHING IS CANDY YOU STUPID FUCK!?

Koops: Well uhh... I dont know. It looked like candy I guess...

Flurrie: Haven't you seen Mario pick up badges before?

Mario: Right... you guess... yeah, you grab 1 of my badges again, and I'll smack you square in the face with my nuts.

Goombella ran back after wiping off the web shit off screen.

Goombella: Are the spiders ded yet?

Koops: I think so.

Goombella: That was really terrifying. Don't ever let me see 1 of those things again.

Mario: Yeah...

Goombella: Thank you... lets go back up. You know. See if the Punies are still there.

Mario: Right...

As they walked up to the warp pipe, Mario began whispering to Koops a little something.

Mario: Hey Koops?

Koops: Yeah.

Mario: Don't be surprised if I *snicker* buy a spider costume and rape Goombella.

Koops: Isn't that kind of mean?

Mario: No. I'm only raping her for you know, comedy purposes. So its not even really actual rape. Its just funny!

Koops: Oh yeah. I guess that's a good point.

They ascending up the warp pipe where they walked in on the punies having an embarrassing overly complicated debate about World of Warcraft or Runescape being better. Mario got impatient with the conversation so he pulled down his overalls and farted all over the Punies to shut them up. They then walked straight to the other Jabbi room where they will have to fight alot more of those drunk bird things.

Koops: Hey, where are those Jabber things?

Goombella: They're called "jabbies" Koops.

Puniper: Yeah. Pay attention god damnit.

Koops: Sorry. I've just been having a really bad fever and stomach ache since I drank that bubbly water.

Petuni: You mean you actually drank the bubble liquid!? What the fuck were you thinking!?

Koops: I don't know... I was just hoping it would have been candy or something.

Goombella: That fact that you've jumped to that conclusion twice today is really concerning.

Mario: Yeah. incase you haven't noticed, Koops is a fucking idiot. You can basically get him to do anything for free like a Jackass character.

Koops: Yeah!

Puness: Wow. That is concerning.

Punio: Are these Jabbie fucks gonna come out or what! Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo

Mario: I know how to get them out.

Mario: HEY! YOU ALL LOOK LIKE FLYING CHUNKS OF FECAL MATTER WITH CRUDELY GLUED ON FEATHERS AND EYE BALLS! IF I WANTED TO WATCH COPROPHILIA FEATURING THE MONKEYS FROM THE WIZARD OF OZ, I WOULD! I MEAN, FLURRIE WAS IN THAT PORNO!

Flurrie: YEAH!

Due to Mario's ever so harsh "you look like a" insults, Mario successfully managed to provoke all of the Jabbis to exit their black honeycomb base things. Although, he got much more than he bargained for when he and the rest of Team M witnessed a flock of 100 Jabbis form an organized arian fashion.

100 Jabbis: JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO JIGABOO!

Goombella: HOLY FUCK! THERES SO MANY OF THEM!

Koops: Yeah! Theres like... 100 of them.

Goombella: Wow that... actually sounds about accurate.

Petuni: What are we gonna do!?

Mario: Who gives a fuck! We have a shit ton of Punies! Plus me and the other 3 retards in my team if it isn't obvious enough! Lets beat them so hard that we murder their parents!

Punio: Yeah! Marios right. We got this. Piss in my ass Piss in my ass Piss in my ass.

Puniper: Yeah! Then were gonna 911 their base!

Mario: Wow dude. 2001 called. It says it wants it's easy target back!

[BIRDLE MODE!]

Mario: Power Level 50

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 30

Punies: Collective Power Level 101

V.S.

100 Jabbis: Collective Power Level 100 (This should be interesting)

_Battle Music: Matrix Reloaded by Agent Smith Battle Music_

A shit ton of Punies started running away from the Jabbis like last time.

Punio: Punies! Some of you have been over this! Lesbos Lesbos Lesbos!

Punio wrapped his antenna around a Jabbi's neck and popped its head off. Then used the blood as war make up.

Punio: STOP BEING FUCKING PUSSIES AND LETS LYNCH THESE BLACK BIRDS! KILL THEM KILL THEM KILL THEM ALL!

Petuni: Yeah! And not to sound racist either!

Goombella: Yeah! And saying that usually means you are racist!

Petuni: Shut up bitch!

Goombella: Fuck you whore!

Petuni and Goombella started pushing and smacking eachother like a couple of little bitches fighting over who's in the best girl scout club.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT YOU 2! SHUT UP!

Mario chucked Goombella and Petuni at random direction of the room slamming into 2 different Jabbis total.

Flurrie popped a vaginal cyst and the pus burned 1 of the Jabbis alive.

Puniper grinded 2 of the Jabbies up into chilli and tricked 1 of the Jabbies into eating them. The Jabbi got such bad food poisoning from the grinded up Jabbies, that he actually died.

10 of the Punies cornered 4 of the Jabbies before they tackled them into a cloud of violent cartoony smoke as they ate them and left nothing but bird skeletons.

Koops: Guys. I'm *sniff* having a hard time seeing. Im starting to get dizzy.

Flurrie squeezed her boobs causing herself to lactate cheese wizz due to her gross fatness. She fired her lactation at 2 of the Jabbie's mouths causing them to choke on it.

Mario kept throwing Punies at the Jabbies killing about 10 of them.

Goombella chucked her helmet causing it to riker shai off of 3 Jabbies which also killed them. She caught her helmet and put it back on her head in mid air.

Punio bashed 1 of the Jabbies with his teleportation stick. You know, the bat he uses to knock people out. Only this killed him.

Mario violently threw a rock at 1 of the Jabbies heads. Far more violent than that scene from the first episode of Pokemon.

An anvil fell out of no where killing 2 Jabbies.

Koops took off his crusty hoodie and brutally covered 1 of the Jabbies in a disturbing violent manner that made the Jabbie panic and flap its wings inside. The Jabbie eventually ran out of oxygen and died in Koop's hoodie.

Puness used PK thunder and zapped 1 of the Jabbies. (You didn't think I was gonna do anything with that name?)

Puniper psycho analyzed 1 of the jabbies and convinced him to fly into a fucking airplane and did.

Mario crushed 1 of the Jabbies to deth by shoving it up his 43 year old Italian anus.

Petuni and Punio did an epic brother sister spinning move with their antennas connecting that took the form of a green and pink ring and sliced 6 Punies.

30 out of 60 of the remaining Jabbies took the form of a giant mecha which in turn caused 50 of the Punies doing the same.

Punicholai caused 1 of the Jabbies to kill himself by telling him how meaningless life is.

The Puni Mecha continued to throw punches at the Jabbi Mecha.

Punathan broke through 1 of the Punies in a drill like motion.

Koops: I'm starting to feel even more sick guys BLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Koops puked all over 2 Jabbies causing them to explode for some reason.

Mario: Here Koops! I got you!

Koops: What?

Mario: I got an idea!

Mario grabbed Koops from behind like he was giving him a heimlich maneuver and spun him around making him do a badass spinning puke blast attack on 12 of the Jabbies.

The Puni mecha fired Puni torpedoes weakening the Jabbi mecha in an epic ass way.

Flurrie queefed and farted at the same time creating a queef and fart tornado which killed 7 Jabbies from the windy impact.

1 of the Jabbies flew into a banana making it slip to its deth.

Punio got really excited and started swearing alot due to his crazy tourettes making 1 of the Jabbie's ears bleed to deth from the foul language.

The Puni mecha finished off the Jabbies with a mega blasting hyper laser cannon big bang kamehameha beam cannon killing 30 frekin' Jabbies making them disintegrate.

1 of the Jabbies attempted to fly away from Mario as he got on all 4s and chased after it while wearing the cat suit from Super Mario 3D World and ate it.

Koops started talking to 1 of the Jabbies about his Dual Masters card collection causing the Jabbi to get bored to deth.

Puniko and Punikki force fucked 1 of the jabbies from mouth to anus killing it that way.

Goombella shined a laser beam from her helmet at 1 of the Jabbies causing it to cut in half. All these fight scene ideas make me think. I should write ANIME! ... or maybe I should stick with this shit.

1 last remaining Jabbie shot 1 of the Punies in the back and cornered the rest of the Punies along with the actual Team M members.

Jabbi: Jigaboo Jigaboo Jigaboo...

Punio: I HAVE AN IDEA! Koops! Give me your cell phone!

Koops: Umm. Okay... Why?

Koops handed Punio his phone.

Punio: PREPARE FOR MY MOST DEDLY ATTACK!

Punio starts playing an episode of Johnny Test for the Jabbi causing him to become mentally retarded and kill himself by excessively bashing his head on the wall. No wonder why they took it off the air!

Doing this officially eliminated the Jabbi species.

Koops: Hey! I like that show!

Puniper: Now lets destroy their base as further insult to injury!

The rest of the Punies entered the base to blow it up revealing a hidden path.

**[END OF JABBIES!]**

Punio: Punollan! NOOOOOOO! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Punis (Age 16) was the puni that got shot in the back in a pool of blood with some last dying words to say.

Punis: Punio... I'm nott... gonna... ma... make it.

Punio: Noo! You cant say that! You'll make it. I mean, everyone really likes you! Like, you were... I mean, you ARE the vital most memorable character of this series. How are we gonna continue being an army without you!?

Punis: Punio... hehe... sorry dude… looks like I'm done for...

Punio: ..p. Punis...

Punis: This is it... farewell buddy...

Punio: P...P...PUUUUUUUUUUUNIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Mario walked up to them and randomly stomped on the almost ded Puni like a glass at a jewish wedding making him even dedder.

The blood got everywhere because that particular Puni had more blood in him than Dio from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.

Mario: Take that dick!

Punio: MARIO! YOU FUCKING DICK! HOW COULD YOU STOMP ON HIM!?

Mario: What? He was CLEARLY suffering from that bullet wound. I put an end to his misery so your welcome you fuck.

Punio: I'LL KILL YOU!

Punio crawled into Mario's overalls and started pulling on his pubic hair causing Mario to roll around on the floor to get Punio off of him.

Mario: Hey! Get off of me you retards! Ahh! Your name is a pun off of my own so don't think I can't destroy you!

Goombella: Wait Punio!

Punio: Yeah!

Goombella: Your tourettes!

Punio: What about it!?

Goombella: You're not repeating something hilarious 3 times!

Flurrie: My my... your right.

Punio: ... Holy fuck! Your right! THIS IS AWESOME! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! I'm saying that intentionally! YES!

Mario: Haha. You sound like a fucking faggot.

Punio: Oh... Your lucky I'm in a good mood right now.

Koops: Didn't your friend just die?

Punio: Come on everyone! Lets go collect that Dedly Star!

Mario: Uhh... yeah thats kind of my mission asshole!

**Chapture 3 - 14 Oh shit! We forgot about the X-Nauts!**

The bizarre team of friends and the flock of Punies continued to waddle through the hidden path only to await for a special surpr- I mean... NOTHING!

Petuni: Hey guys! You wanna play a game?

Mario: No. Fuck off.

Petuni: Its called "Stump Petuni" Its when you ask me any question and I will answer it! Like, I don't know if you guys realize this, but i'm actually REALLY smart!

Koops: Oh wow...

Goombella: If you were smart, you wouldn't need to acknowledge it out loud.

Petuni: Shut your whore mouth! You'r hair makes you look like you get molested by the truckers!

Goombella: Fuck you twerp. Maybe you think that cause your the most unfuckable thing of the most unfuckable species I've ever seen!

Punio: Wow your right Mario, Goombella really does has a problem with getting along with other females.

Mario: Thats because she's insecure about being a Goomba. Basically, she doesn't have any boobs and she's short and weak. So she kind of just compensates like a wrestler with a small dick who buys a Ford SUV. She also likes to get attention by being the 1 girl out of the group.

Punio: What about Flurrie?

Mario: Yeah. That 1s Goombella's free pass because no 1 likes Flurrie she's so ugly.

Flurrie: Aww you guys...

Flurrie started giving Mario and Punio a disturbing smile with her almost closing her eyes as if she was some kind of sexual predators.

Mario: Stop giving me that look you crazy bitch!

Goombella and Petuni continued to argue about jack shit.

Petuni: Your the dumb face that eats shit for a living! All your good for is having drunk retired plumbers jump on you, you fucking Goomba!

Goombella: Oh yeah!? Well i'm a junior at a liberal arts college! What do you do for a living? Live in a fucking tree you neanderthal!

Koops got distracted as he was watching painfully unfunny Over 9000 Rick Roll Youtube Poop videos.

Punio: I like how Goombella is 21, argueing with my 11 year old sister about nothing!

Mario: Yeah. Its even funnier that she gloats about being culturally accepting when she bashes people for living in trees.

Punio: When did she say that she was culturally accepting?

Mario: It's heavily implied. You just gotta pay attention.

Puniper: Shut the fuck up you fucking cunt ass bitch whoooooores!

Goombella and Petuni angrily stared at Puniper out of his remarkable addressment. The tension was really awkward for 10 minutes of awkward silence.

Koops then broke the silence by saying, "Hey look! Its another Puni Orb box thing!"

Koops: Hey look! Its another Puni Orb box thing!

Puness: Uhh... We heard you the 1st time...

Koops: No. The Narrator said it 1st.

Puness: Oh nevermind.

Mario: Sweet! Now i'm gonna put the orb in to watch you guys fuck!

Puniper: NO MARIO DON'T! We'll just all stand on the spot insted!

Mario placed the Puni orb in the 100 Puni scale causing all 100 Punies to get very horny and fuck eachother in a sex orgy mountain that was only 2% straight.

Suddenly, 1 of the big moments of this chapture started as a BIG ASS PURPLE CAGE fell out of nowhere and trapped all of the Team M members. Shit just got reel!

Mario: OH GOD DAMNIT!

Goombella: How did you guys not see the cage hanging above our heads!?

Mario: You didn't see it either dumbass!

Goombella: I know that but that's not my point!

Koops pulled out the Puni orb realizing that the Punies were still having an orgy.

The Punies all quickly and awkwardly split away from the orgy along with Flurrie being a part of the orgy as she was inside the damn pile getting hecta(100)-penetrated

Punio and Petuni woke up from the hypnotic orgy realizing that they just had sex.

Punio: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Petuni: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Punio: I JUST HAD SEX WITH MY SISTER!

Petuni started to have a panic attack while Punio started to run around senselessly like a decapitated chicken!

Punio: I LOST MY FUCKING VIRGINITY TO MY FUCKING SISTER! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?

Puniper: GOD DAMNIT! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS CAGE GET IN HERE!?

Robotnik: SUP NIGGAS!?

Robotnik and 2 random X-Nauts jumped off from the ceiling with contradicting physics preparing to taunt the team of morons.

Mario and Goombella: Not this mother fucker again!

Robotnik ded a quick montage of perverted dances as he explained how well his plan worked.

Robotnik: HAR HAR HAR! I see you bunch of dicks fell into my rape cage where I RAPE people! Thats right! I worked my ass *shakes ass* off to design this bad girl, and boy did it work! Now you're all mine! You're all mine! YOUR ALL MIIIIYAIIIN! NA NA NA NA NAAAAA NAAAA SUCK MY DICK! Now we can do all kinds of wierd stuff *coresses man boobs together*! We can play Monopoly, spin the bottle, Connect 4, and my personal favorite, Limp Bizkit! You know, that game where we all get in a circle and masterbate on a fucking cookie and who ever finishes last, has to eat it! Frat boys do it all the time! See! I've never been in last place cause I inject 7000 gallons of hormones into my huge fucking ball sack! That's why I am constantly orgasming while still being horny! HAR HAR HAR!

Mario: Bite my scum you putrid fucking retard.

Robotnik: Well I see you've made alot of new friends since our last thilly encounter.

Robotnik looked over at Goombella

Robotnik: Oh..hohohohoho... And don't think I forgot about my favorite Goomba who ravishes my sexual diaper like fantasies! I often use my penis to masterbate to you! Speaking of deapers, tell me, have you ever tried masterbating while wearing a diaper since we last met? They're warm, fuzzy, and don't forget wuzzy!

Goombella: NO YOU SICK FUCK! NOW GET US OUT OF HERE SO I CAN FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Flurrie: I have.

Robotnik: Any doo doo, its 8:30 and I gotta go fart and choke myself while I masterbate to crude toddler quality fan art of myself while I wear a cowboy hat and cosplay as Black Swan! When I come back! You all will be wearing all of the diapers! HAR HAR HAR!

Koops: Wow uhh... You must have a crazy sex life.

Robotnik pointed at Koops.

Robotnik: Oh, and I'm raping your Koopa friend first!

Koops: Ahh... Gee wilikers.

Robotnik: GOOD BYE NIGGAS!

Robotnik left as he walked away while hand standing like Lanky Kong. Notice how the X-Nauts didn't talk. While thats because Robotnik injected super glue into his testacles. So when they finished sucking him off, their mouths were glued shut from the glue-cum.

Puniko: Ah fuck. Now what are we gonna do!?

Puniper: GOD DAMNIT WE'RE SO FUCKED!

Punathan: This is not good for my claustrophobia!

Punicholai: LIFE IS SO MEANINGLESS!

Koops: I HA'CHUUUU! like how that Robotnik guy forgot all about the Dedly Star. BLEEEEEEEEERGG!1

Petuni: I don't wanna live anymore!

Punio: I HAD SEX WITH MY FUCKING SISTER!

Goombella: Great. So now how are we getting out of here?

Mario: Hold on. Let me just squeeze my fucking man boobs together to get all oily.

Goombella: Oh thats right. I forgot you got cursed and you can do that.

Mario: I can also stretch my own dick into my ass and FUCK myself!

Goombella: Did we really need to know that!?

Flurrie: We sure did my gracious Goomba.

Goombella: Eww…

Huge oily wads of Mario's disgusting man grease plopped all over Goombella Koops and Flurrie as pure coincidence that none of it got on any of the Punies.

Flurrie: MMmmmm I love getting lubricated.

Goombella: Of course you do...

Mario: Welp... I'm out.

the lubed out Mario slipped out of the bars with his special retard powers.

Goombella: Wait.. What about the Punies?

Goombella, Koops, and Flurrie squeezed through the bars as well.

Mario: Hmm...

Puness: Hey what about us asshole!?

Mario: Yeah... We'll figure that out later.

Goombella: But don't we need them to-

Mario: NO.

Koops: Can't we just lubricate them-

Mario: NO. If they wanna leave, they're small enough to slip out.

Goombella: They seem to all be trying to squeeze out at the same time.

Mario: They'll figure it out! Now lets go before I stop giving more of a shit.

Koops: So we're not going back for the Punies?

Mario: NOT IF YOU KEEP ASKING!

Mario punched Koops hard in the stomach.

Koops: Oww! BLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGG!1

Koops puked all over Mario causing Mario to stare at him with a disappointed facial expression.

Mario and his strange friends hopped down a warp pipe which happened to be in the same room. I guess it spawned out when the cage fell on them. Apparently, putting the orb in actually did something useful! Who would have thought!

They entered a room with 4 large statues of a screw driver, a bleached butthole, OJ Simpson, and a crude drawing of a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid called "Sonichu"

Goombella: Hey check it out! Possibly ancient statues!

Mario: Ugg... Not again with the fucking college crap.

Goombella looked at them on order starting with the screw driver.

Goombella: Okay. Not sure what this 1 means exactly…

Then the butthole 1.

Goombella: Eww why! Is that butthole supposed to be symbolic or something!?

Mario: You tell me. You're the fucking archeologist!

Goombella: Shut up!

Then she observed the OJ Simpson 1.

Goombella: Oh god damnit! That guy totally pisses me off!

Mario: Yeah. Isn't he the guy that started all those dog fights?

Goombella: No thats Michael Vick. OJ's the 1 who killed his wife and it WASN'T some conspiracy.

Mario: Oh... Hehe... I love Football.

Goombella checked out the statue of Sonichu.

Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!1

Goombella: THAT WAS THE UGLIEST 1 OF THE 4!

Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!

Koops: Ugg... I think i'm gonna pass out guys.

Goombella: Geez Koops, you want some Tasty Tonic Water or something?

Koops: Wait why?

Goombella: It might help your sickness dumbass.

Koops: Oh yeah! I forgot!

Goombella: Mario! Hand Koops some Tonic Water.

Mario handed Koops some warm ass tonic water that lost its fizz in the invisible inventory Mario keeps around. Should we assume it's in his fucking ass? Who knows!

Koops: Wow! I feel so much better now! Like, sooo much!

Mario: You know what's the best part? We could have given you 1 of these easily some time in chapture 3 - 12.

Koops: You're a fucking booger head Mario.

Mario grabbed Koops. And kept smacking him.

Mario: DONT YOU EVER! SAY THAT AGAIN!

Flurrie: Mmmm... Such marvilous drama is making me all creamy oh yes it is!

Goombella: Oh for fuck sakes!

Goombella got bored and jumped on the switch that everyone clearly forgot to notice including myself. The fucking dumbass narrator! Am I talking to myself? Fuck…

A minor earthquake like thing occured shaking everyone.

A scene cut to almost all of the X-Nauts all doing some naked cheerleader pyramid shit. The room suddenly collapsed in the tree crushing all but 3 X-Nauts. So now Team M only has a few things left to worry about!

Mario: What the fuck was that?

Mario dropped Koops causing him to fall on the floor from being exhausted from the slappings.

Goombella: I was getting bored and pissed off at Flurrie being gross as usual so I hit a switch.

Mario: Wow! And not knowing what it would do either! Impressive!

Goombella: Well when do bad things happen when you tap a switch in this universe?

Koops: Didn't we just get caged by activating a switch 5 minutes ago?

Flurrie: I like your attitude Goombella. I would like to partake in the action that is foreplay with you!

Goombella: Look. I'm not against lesbians, but STOP FUCKING FLIRTING WITH ME!

Flurrie: Mmmaybe you should stop being so spankingly cute like a baby's behind.

Goombella: ...Whatever... Lets go see what that earthquake was all about.

They kept searching around the tree for... uhh... I can't tell if they're searching for the star, or how to save the Punies, or how to kill Robotnik, or what was the deal with those statutes or what. Who cares. They're searching for some kind of shit so try to stay entertained.

They found another room with 4 slot in a random order of the 4 shapes they saw as statues earlier. If you fucks know anything about Mario game puzzles, you would know what this shit is all about.

Koops: So... what now?

Mario:... Shit. I think we were supposed to memorize the fucking order of the statues.

Koops: What!? How are we supposed to memorize that crazy order!?

Goombella: There were only 4 of them.

Mario: Well do you memorize them!?

Goombella: Well lets see... there was OJ Simpson, and uhh... There was an asshole earlier... and... what else... ffffFUCK!

Flurrie: Mmmm... I remember there being a screw driver...

Goombella: Yeah, but in what order?

Flurrie: Whatever order you want it in sweety...

Goombella: Uhh... yeah... Not helpful... at all... uhh... yeah. Kill yourself.

Koops: So uhh... what do we do now? Should we go back to the statues?

Mario: Yeah... Fuck that.

Goombella: So I guess that means were gonna have to try every single possible combination we can think up till we get it right.

Mario: Wrong again!

Goombella: Well what do you suppose we do?

Mario: We have to read a few pages back in "Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama!" and remember what the fuck the creator wrote.

Koops: Won't that be breaking the 4th wall?

Goombella: Yeah... That seems kind of lazy and unfunny!

Mario: IT GETS THE JOB DONE! Besides, we only get a few more of these freebies tops. NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I PISS ON YOU! ALL OF YOU!

Later after constantly having to trace back countless times due to their squirrel like attention spans, they eventually found the right order. The statue slots opened wider than Jenna Jameson's cunt creating a dark canvas hiding something inside. That is 1 massive vajayjay!

Koops: Wait! So I think I figured out the symbolism behind the statues! Basically its a prophecy that 1 day, OJ Simpson will use a screwdriver to shove a Sonichu Medallion up his bleached butthole! Maybe this happening will cause something in regards to the 1000 year Door!

Flurrie: My my... are you saying we need to kill O.J.?

Koops: Yes.

Mario: Perfect. I know just how to kill him.

Goombella: Are you 3 fucking retarded!? Like rhetorical question! Seriously, that wasn't even in the right order. If you wanted to do a slightly less moronic prophecy, it would be taking a screwdriver and shoving it up a bleached butthole which would birth a clone of OJ Simpson who creates Sonichu.

Mario: Well OJ is already born, so now we just need to stop him from making sonichu.

Goombella: Well yeah... wait NO! Why are we even having this stupid conversation!? Lets just collect the 7 dedly stars and collect the treasure.

Mario: Yeah. OJ doing weird ass stuff won't help us get the treasure anyway. Lets go see what the hell's inside.

They walked inside spotting a big treasure chest. Read, as they find out what the fuck is inside!

Koops: Is that the treasure from the 1000 year door!?

Goombella: Koops. You know where the 1000 year door is...

Koops: Oh right. We were talking about treasure so I got mixed up for second.

Mario: Well...It doesn't look like we need a key. Which is good cause the guy who made this box was probably a lazy fuck anyway.

Goombella: How do you know it's a "guy?"

Mario: Jesus fuck. Are we really having this conversation?

Mario cluelessly opens the box and grabbing a pair of blue shoes! He raised them high above his head like he was in a fucking Zelda game. DA DA DA DAAAAAA!... Its not as funny or as easy to get when your reading... So anyway, the background isolated Mario in an atmosphere of nothing but white with small red polkadots. It wasn't a Black Spirit this time.

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT NOW!?

Toadette (Age 1015) (Might as well be 15): Hiya!

Mario: THIS SHOULD NOT HAPPEN WHEN I FIND NEW SHOES BITCH!

Toadette: Heehee... Your funny. My names Toadette! I'm the 1 who built the treasure box silly. Congratulations on finding the Super Boots!

Mario: Okay. A: their called "shoes" retard. B: That is the worst name I've even heard of for shoes ever. I swear, I am going to chuck them hard at you.

Toadette: These cool kicks increase your power level! And you'll even access an even stronger spin jump attack! So let's practice it, OK?

Mario: How about, no! I think I know how to fucking ass slam people. I mean, who the hell do you think I am!? I'm Mario! Thats who! Now get me out of here before I demonstrate my new attack on your face whore!

Toadette: Did you know you can use the spin jump in battle too. To do this, press-

Mario: Yeah yeah... How about..

Mario followed through as he jumped in the air above Toadette and crushed her to deth as he dropped it like it was hot on her face with his GLUTEUS MAXIMUS!

The background turned back to normal since Mario killed the robotic seeming Toad.

Koops: Mario! Are you alright!?

Goombella: Great... You got cursed again didn't you.

Mario: No... I just got deez new shoes nigga!

Mario looked down realizing that he's wearing the shoes even though he himself never put on the dang shoes.

Mario: How'd those get on there?

Goombella: So you just got new shoes? Like, thats it?

Mario: New shoes that can kick your ass. Oh hey! You were right. It was a female who made the chest. Does that make you feel better!?

Goombella: No.

Flurrie: Maybe those shoes can somehow help the Punies escape from that mean ol' cage.

Mario: That doesn't make sense but okay...

Goombella: I still don't see why we couldn't just grease up the Punies.

Mario: I still don't see why they couldn't just walk out. It's very obvious that they can fit through the bars no problem.

As the 100 Punies were awaiting for the return from the heroes and STILL never figured out that they can individually fit through the damn bars, Petuni was being an annoying 11 year old and forced all the Punies to play her retarded "Stump Petuni" game.

Petuni: Come on guys!? Don't any of you have any more question for me!?

Puniko: For the last time, no! Were sick of playing your dumb game!

Pentuni: What do you mean "Dumb!?" I'd say its pretty smart! You learn answers to things you ask me.

Punicholi: Then how come you've been flipping a shit every time you've gotten a wrong answer? Plus you've never even answered a single question since we got caged!

Petuni: That's because your guys' questions are too stupid! Like, they don't even make any sense! "Whats the meaning of life?" Bleg! "How many eggs can fit in a carton for a dozen eggs?" Shleesh! "How many legs do I have?" Like I'M supposed to know that. I can't like, see myself right!?

Puness: Fine. Uhh... How much wood can a wood... if a... Shit. I forgot how it goes... Okay. How about, why did the chicken cross the road?

Petuni: ... WHAT!? NO FAIR! Thats not even a real question!

Petuni bit Puness's bulb in his antenna.

Puness: OOWWWWW! WHY DID YOU BITE ME ON MY REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN!?

Oh... Did I not mention thats how Punies mate and masterbate? Mybad. You might need to reevaluate some of your visuals from this story now.

Puniper: Hey! I got 1! *snickers* Who was the first person you've had sex with?

Petuni: Oh haha. You just want me to say my brother...

Petuni: HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Petuni started laying a mystical egg from her... uhhh... ass! It hurt alot. She was screaming and it was quite painful and most of all, funny!

Punio: What the fuck is that!?

Puniper: That's your fucking child you incest loving freak.

Punio: I WAS POSSESSED BY THE FUCKING ORB YOU FAT ASSHOLE!

Puniper: Hehehehehehe. Dumb ass.

Pentuni: No... Thats just the egg I lay when some1 asks a question I can answer in "Stump Petuni."

Punikki: That doesn't make any sense.

Punathan: I'm just gonna go with the incest alternative.

The rest of the punies that never talk for some reason ever: Yeah!

Punio: Aw-a- AWWW! Come on guys!

Awkward silence

Puniper: So... What are you naming it?`

At short last, Mario and the rest of his odd team returned like a quartet of badasses kind of.

Mario: Hey! So you pansies never found out how to get out of here huh!?

Punio: Oh hey Mario. You finally decided to came back.

Punikki: Yeah really you fat fuck who abandoned us here! Hey! Why'd you come back? Did you leave your twinkies in here!?

Koops: There were twinkies?

Goombella: No Koops. That's just a fat joke.

Mario: At least im smart enough to find a way out of the fucking cages you grey blobs with cocks on your heads!

Puness: Yeah. Then you probably forgot about the mission because you went out to bathe in a hotdog stand you lard ass!

Mario: ...What?

Punicholai: Yeah! And you probably think your love life is great when life is actually really meaningless.

Puniko: Are those new shoes? They look gay as hell!

Puniper: He's just a stupid jew who thinks he's a fucking wop.

Mario: The fuck you say!? I'f I hear 1 more dipshit comment like that!? I will personally come in that cage, and kill all your asses. You hear me? ALL OF YOUR FUCKING ASSES

Another awkward silence.

Petuni: Hey Mario? Wanna play an annoying game of mine?

Mario: THATS IT! I got a game right here. Its called "My Foot in your all of your Asses!"

Mario pressed his man meat bags together to conjure the horrid liquid that happens to be his body grease. He then slid through the bars. He got up and roared like a fuckin T Rex.

Mario: I'll KILL YOU BITCH!

Petuni: WAAAAAAAAAAA!

Mario jumped above her and started to do that unnecessary flip thing he does before ground pounding like in the 3D Mario games. A shadow ascended above Petuni's head that happened to be the eclipse of the ass of Mario. As he was doing the flip, Petuni ran off screaming for dear life.

Petuni dodged Mario's new attack despite him already learning it in Super Mario 64 and other games later. I think the drugs make him forgot some of his moves. That explains him not being able to punch in Super Mario Galaxy. Anyway, right as Petuni dodged him, he ass slammed right through the floor like a retarded Loony Tunes character.

Mario landed on an ass and was briefly paralyzed on his back from the dangerous fall. Yeah, he was in alot of pain despite not losing any HP.

Mario: This... should not... happen to 43 year olds...ever...

Punio: Look everyone! A way to escape!

Petuni: Yeah bro! Let's land on him so we can have a safe fall.

Mario: Wait what? Nooo!

All 100 of the Punies landed on Mario's stomach safely yet violently.

Punio: You saved us! Yes! Yes!

Petuni: 3 Cheers for Mario's giant smelly italian ass.

Mario: What? No! I don't want a fucking cheer!

All the Punies: Hip hip... HOORAY!

Mario: No. St- Stop!

All the Punies: Hip hip... HOORAY!

Mario: God damnit! Stop it!

All the Punies: Hip hip... HOORAY!

Mario: I'll kill you all!

The rest of Mario's partners traveled through the warp pipe.

Goombella: Nice fall Mario.

Koops: Wow! You need any help getting up!?

Mario: No! Fuck you both! IN THEE ASS!

Flurrie: Don't mind if I do.

Flurrie started to sit on Mario's dick as she was about to force him to enter her ass with his dick!

Mario: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Mario hopped away from Flurrie in sheer fright of Flurrie's her old ass anal cavity.

Mario: GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

Mario started crying and beating up Flurrie out of self defense. [No damage]

Goombella: Mario! You just beat the crap out of Flurrie!

Mario: SHE WAS TRYING TO RAPE ME AGAIN! Plus. I was doing the readers a favor.

Flurrie landed on her back in a disfigured pose.

Flurrie: So... turned... on...

Koops: Cool. So now that we've gotten that shindig taken care of, let's go find that dedly star.

Mario: Yes. Lets. Also, STOP TRYING TO CALL THE FUCKING SHOTS YOU PRICK!

Koops: Oh geez... Sorry...

Mario: No! You don't get it That's my job asshole!

Koops: Okay... I get it...

**Chapture 3 - 15: Robotnik goes Berzerkerz!**

Koops: Hey Goombella, weird question, but do girls like... name their boobs and junk?

Goombella: How the fuck should I know!?

Koops: Oh... I'm like, sorry.

Goombella: You need to stop starting bizarre conversations with me or I'll kill you where you stand.

Koops: Yeah I know...

Meanwhile as Team M progressed to being closer and closer to the room with the star in it (spoiler alert I know), a foul horny creature without any pants or underwear lurked in the room beyond their own knowledge.

Robotnik: Hmm... That dedly dildo otta be around here somewhere. I swear. Searching for this thing is really starting to irritate the tip of my fucking dick! All I wanna do right now is huff a paper bag's worth of wood cleaner, and glue my penis to the ceiling while incresting my body in the finest jewels so I can pretend to be a chandelier! THAT'S WHY I NEED TO FIND AND SMASH THAT STAR THING!

Robotnik suddenly heard some strange voices from a far getting closer.

Mario: Shut up Koops! Stop asking me such stupid questions!

Koops: Aww gee whiz...

Robotnik: VOICES! They must have escaped from my rape cage where I rape people... AH SHIT I GOTTA HIDE! Maybe I can rape them when they least expect my PENIS! Haha yeah thats how its done.

Team M and the Punies entered the room.

Flurrie: Well personally, I named my tataas after my ded step parents. Helga and Humphrey.

Koops: Wow...

Mario: Couldn't you have picked hotter names. Like I don't know... maybe like, Tiffany or Candy?

Goombella: Those sound like stripper names.

Mario: Exactly.

Koops: I'm hungry.

Flurrie soon randomly noticed another Puni orb holding thingy for 100 Punies with a matching platform underneath.

Flurrie: Look dearies! Its another orb holder.

Goombella: Wait... shouldn't we look around for traps this time. So you know, we DON'T get locked in the cage again!

Petuni: I think we're fine. After all, if it is a cage, we'll just use Mario's big drunk ass to bust through the floor.

All the Punies: Mario's ass! Mario's ass!

Mario: ... I'm just gonna put the fucking ball inside.

Punio: NOOOOOOOOOOO!111

All of the Punies ran quickly and stepped on the platform to avoid another fuckin orgy.

Suddenly, an overhyped minor transition occurred that had the **Star of Envy** to emerge from 1 of the fountain like statues and hovered above them for a dumb dramatic effect.

Koops: MARIO, LOOK! LOOK LOOK LOOK! IT'S THE DEDLY STAR!

Mario: THE FUCK KOOPS! STOP YELLING IN MY FUCKING EAR! FUCK!

I little bit of blood rushed down Mario's ear.

Koops: Gosh golly Mario. Im sorry...

Mario: And get the fuck away from me! Your breath still smells like garlic cheezy bread!

Koops: Mybad dude...

Mario: Where the fuck do you keep getting this garlic cheezy bread!?

Koops: Uhh... No idea bro.

Suddenly while Mario was yelling at Koops, Robotnik popped out of no where and swiped the Star.

Robotnik: Haha yeah!

Goombella: GOD DAMNIT!

Mario: Fuck! I forgot to grab it!

Flurrie: Oh, dear! That voluptuous man stole our star! Dearie me!

Robotnik: HAR HAR HAR HAR HAAAARRR! Oh man, am I good or what? Or am I just DAYAMN SEXY BIATCH!? "

Flurrie: Indeed sexy I must say indeed.

Goombella: Can you NOT flirt with the enemy!?

Robotnik: THATS RIGHT CUMWIESLES! You activated my trap card! You see, my sexual like instincts told me that the star would be here. I mean, come on! This is obviously the kind of fuck den that would hold the dedly fucking star! Yeah, I knew you all would escape from my unbreakable cage! And I knew you meat bags would find this room and find the next star so I can smash it up and INCREST THE SMAR PIECES ALL OVER MY GRACIOUS NAKED BODY and NOW IT'S ALL MINE! So I just needed your sorry fucking assholes to fall right into my lap. Oh... OOOOOOOOOHHHH! WHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!1

A juicy ass cumshot bursted in Robotnik's diaper.

Robotnik: I JUST CAME IN MY DIAPER GUYS!

Koops: Why does it smell like ranch?

Robotnik: If you were listening, you would know that I LOVE INJECTING CRAZY SHIT IN MY FUCKING TESTACLES!

Robotnik: So since you all brought me the star thing, I'm gonna give you a little treat.

Robotnik said this as he unzipped his pants causing his dong to flash.

Everyone else but Flurrie: AWWWW!1

Puniper: I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR FUCKING DICK!

Punathan: It's got so many freckles!

Flurrie: Oh myy...

Koops: Why does it bend 82 degrees to the right on the middle!?

Robotnik tightly grabbed his dick, and pulled a giant cartoony remote with a red button on it straight out of his urethra.

Mario: How the fuck did he just do that!?

Robotnik: Hor hor hor... You see this in my hands!? Oh, just a little something I like to call, "A REMOTE THAT ACTIVATES A TIME-BOMB THAT DETONATES THE TREE IN 5 MORE MINUTES DEVICE! I keep it in a special place for PAIN! and PLEASURE!

Punoa: SHIT!

Robotnik: I got the idea from my new favorite movie "Fight Club"! Have you seen that Brad Pitt in that movie!? SOOOO HAAAWWWWTTT!

Mario: I've had enough talking assclown! I don't give a shit about the fucking tree or the punies! I'm just here to collect that star, and collect the rest of the goddamn stars so I can open the big ass 1000 year door and move on from this fuck forsaken shit! So are we gonna do this the hard way where I kick your ass and get the star, or are we doing this the easy way where you give me the star and I still kick your ass anyway!

Flurrie: I feel like I have a boner right now...

Robotnik: Don't even try to kick her! Thats right! My unkempt ass is a "she!" Because she can sure take it like a bitch oh yes she can!

Robotnik tapped the button enabling the 5 minute countdown.

_Background music: Bring back the Bomb by GWAR_

Robotnik: 5 more minutes till this planet... I mean TREE blows up bitch!

Goombella and Koops: YOU STOLE THAT LINE FROM DRAGON BALL Z!

Robotnik: NO I DIDN'T! I SAID "TREE!" SHUT UP!

Mario: So out of all the obvious Dragon Ball Z rip offs you've seen, you guys chose to complain about that 1?

Robotnik: Any doo doo, I'm gonna smoke some DANK OL' WEED NIGGA! Enjoy 5 MORE MINUTES OF NOT BEING BLOWN UP! MWACOCKCOCKCOCKCOCKCOCKCOCKCOCK!

Robotnik farted a fart so strong that he broke through the ceiling. This fart looked exactly like the Wario's Down B move in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Koops and the rest of the Punies started panicking and running around in circles.

Koops: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Mario: DAMNIT! HE GOT AWAY! Quick! Some1! Get me a Burrito! I'm going after him!

Goombella: HOW WOULD THAT WORK!?

Mario: ANY KIND OF SPIK FOOD WORKS! I DONT CARE!

Koops: WERE ALL GONNA DIE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!

Goombella: STOP BEING RACIALLY INSENSITIVE!

Mario: I'M NOT! I'M MAKING A GOD DAMN POINT!

Goombella: YOU STILL SHOULDN'T SAY THAT!

Mario: YOU WERE BASHING PUNIES FOR LIVING IN TREES NOT TOO LONG AGO!

Goombella: THAT DOESN'T COUNT! PUNIES DON'T EXIST ON THE READER'S PLANET SO ITS NOT RACIST!

Koops: WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!? WHAT DO WE DO!?

Mario: THAT IS AN OUTRAGEOUSLY TERRIBLE POINT!

Goombella: GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID!

Mario: OH YEAH? WELL YOU LOOK LIKE A-

Flurrie: EVERYONE!

Everyone looked at Flurrie!

Flurrie: We gotta get out of here.

Everyone else: Oh yeah.

After that crazy yelling scene. Team M started actually keeping a somewhat cool head as they tried running out the tree. Picture it like how it was in the game. Just this 1ce.

X-Naut #21: Were back for revenge Mario!

X-Naut #24: Yeah! Were not letting you escape this time!

Mario: Not you X-Nazis again! Look we don't have time for this shit!

Goombella: Yeah! Your leader Robotnik is gonna blow up the fucking tree and we gotta leave NOW!

X-Naut #21: Yeah right! The guys nuts, but he's not gonna like, blow up the tree man! Thats suicide!

X-Naut #24: Ehh... 21? I don't know? What if they're telling the truth?

X-Naut #21: No way! This is payback time for that concussion I'm still fairly injured from.

Koops: Uhh... Is that why you're that still has that alarming looking dent on it?

X-Naut #21: SHUT UP! 24! Let's brutally kick their asses!

X-Naut #24: Gee... Alright.

**[BATTLE MODE] **

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

X-Naut #21: Power Level 5/10

X-Naut #24: Power Level 10

Mario: Umm... yeah. Just so you know, last time you cunt faces fought me, my power level was like, 20/30. Its at rule 63 now. I mean JUST 63! So that means im like, 10 times stronger now.

X-Naut #24: Uhh... 21? You still sure this is a good idea. You still look really injured! Like, if there was an ER around, Id leave you there.

X-Naut #21: Yeah! Come on dude! He's bluffing! We got this. Like, yeah. We got this.

X-Naut #24: Gee… You alright?

Mario: since Goombella did her tattle shit on you, Koops! Your up.

Koops: Finally!

Koops uses bowling ball shell attack at X-Naut #21 causing him to stub his toe so hard that he actually fainted: [2 Damage]

Mario: HA! 1 down! See that X-Fuck! You look like a retarded mix of a Nazi and KKK member that took the shape of a short fat fucking bowling ball shaped midget!

Mario uses regular double jump attack on the X-Naut's head knocking him out for the remainder of the chapture: [4 Damage]

**[END OF LAME BATTLE]**

Punio: Wow! That didn't even last long enough for them to get a turn.

Mario: Dude. Stop acting like you were a part of this fight.

Punio: Id get in a stupid arguement with you with right now, but we don't have alot of time.

Mario: Yeah. No shit...

Koops: I just realized that we could have ridden on Flurrie through the ceiling hole Robotnik like... farted through.

Flurrie: I like that sound of that.

Goombella: Your bringing this up now!? Can she even carry all of us plus 100 Punies?

Koops: It would have uhh be worth a shot I guess. I don't like... know.

Goombella looked over at the unconscious X-Nauts.

Goombella: Shouldn't we help them too?

Mario: Don't care! We gotta go! NOW!

Koops: Wow. We get distracted really easily in dire situations.

They immediately continued running. As they made it to the front door of the tree, they were stopped by an intense argument with the Elder Puni and Robotnik.

Robotnik: FUCK YOU BITCH! Everyone knows that I am the greatest hooker of all time!

Elder Puni: Pfft... Oh please, back in my prostitution days, I was getting arrested and I bump ugliesed with the guards for fun!

Robotnik: Oh yeah, well I used to be Bullet Bill Gate's ass slave for 5.24 years! He won me at a hooker auction and boy he really knew how to make a tidal wave in my asshole with his titanic! Top that!

Elder Puni: Thats some baby shit right there. Try getting octa penetrated by Kthulu every weekend!

Goombella: What the hell are we listening to?

Robotnik: Kthulu is my bitch. I like to get chained up by Marvel's Galactus as he raped all of my insides with his galactically superior cock in my ass! I don't know which was harder, getting his entire dick in me, or me trying not to slip inside his urethra while he was fucking me!

Elder Puni grew to the size of an Elephant out of dramatic effect.

Elder Puni: Do not talk shit about Kthulu!

Robotnik: HIS BEAUTIFUL COCK IS BIGGER THAN THIS FUCKING PLANET!

Something suddenly snapped inside Elder Puni. Her groin snaps.

Elder Puni: My groin! Damnit... Not now!

Robotnik: Haha! Your just a dried up old shrewd! Now get out of my way before I rape you! ... Fuck it. I'LL RAPE YOU RIGHT NOW!

Mario: There you are scum fuck!

Mario got Robotnik's attention.

Mario: I'm gonna shove your faggot cape down your throat, and pull it out your ass, and swing you onto a moving car and kill you!

Robotnik: What are you trying to do, turn me on!? Hehe!

Goombella: Hey. Hasn't it been well over 5 more minutes by now?

Koops: Yeah. We should've like... blown up by now.

Punio: Yeah! What gives?

Robotnik whispers to himself in his head.

Robotnik: Damn... I forgot to wire the explosives inside the tree... Maybe I shouldn't have been so busy licking that butthole statue in that weird room from chapture 3 - 14. I gotta come up with something fast.

Robotnik: Uhh... yes well... You see... ...hh... 5 More Minutes till this tree blows up!

Robotnik states as he holds up 4 of his fingers plus a thumb.

Puniper: Yeah, but you just said that.

Goombella: You... forgot to wire the explosives didn't you?

Mario: Pfft. Dumbass...

Robotnik: ... uhh... MAGNUS VAG GRAPPLE!

_Background Music: __E.G.G.M.A.N. by Paul Shortino_

Robotnik got on his knees and ripped off his shirt and pants exposing his big ass gut and diaper he had been wearing since he the first fight against Mario.

The earth began to shake again.

Mario: WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?

Robotnik: CUM FORTH AS I SUMMON YOU! ASSBITCHCUNTDICKERECTIONFUCKGAYSEXHORNYIMSJACKOFFKOOTCHLABIAMANSTRATIONNUTSACKOVARIANPUSSYQUEERRANDYSHITTITSURETHRAVOLVAWANKERXXXYCHROMAZONE!

The crazy ass ritual summoned a 20 foot tall boxy shaped pink robot with long zig zaggy arms and legs and a white X symbolizing their logo. A glass dome covered his body very much like a robot from a Sonic game. Why else do you think I replaced Lord Crump with Robotnik in this story. Yeah. Basically were getting into some crazy mecha shit right here.

Robotnik did a high flip jump where he landed inside the cockpit. The chair of course had a dildo connected to the seat area in which he did indeed sit in a penetrating fashion. Think of it like the "IT" episode from South Park

Robotnik: Behold! My Magnus Vag Grapple! I made this out of supplied I bought at Home Depot! I made it pink so it would remind me of pussy! It also grapples onto all kinds of crazy private parts you clowns have!

Punio: Whoa!

Petuni: Its so huge.

Punathan: It looks dumb.

Puniko: It smells funny.

Puniper: Why is it pink again?

Mario: Ha! No amount of protection you put on will change the magnitude of how thrashed your gonna get by my fist!

Goombella: Dude! He's piloting a mecha. We might be screwed.

Mario: We'll be fine. This fucktard is way too horny to think clearly!

Robotnik: Don't be so sure about that you fucking wop!

**[BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Magnus Vag Grapple (Robotnik): Power Level 90

_Battle Music: TV Crimes by Black Sabbath_

[TURN 1]

Robotnik: Are you all cumming to my sexy robot yet!? Sorry, but this thing is armed with lots of shit, but not semen tissues. Thats what my diaper is for! You shall all face mercy as my vibrating buddy here crushes you flat. It vibrates so much, it makes my prostate region all tingly!

Koops: Wow! This guy is like... really horny!

Goombella: Yeah! He's hornier than I remember!

Mario: He even hornier than me! So horny, that imma have to kick his ass for it!

Goombella uses tattle: Magnus... Vag Grapple. Robotnik's robot he uses for battle and other purposes beyond what this book is allowed to talk about. It's got a power level of 90 with a Defense of 1. Which is pretty sad especially since Hooktail's was at 105. So that means that this boss is seemingly weaker. Although, I'd be careful not to underestimate it.

Mario: Hmm... I can't think of any good insults for Robotnik. I think he might get off to just about anything I can say to him. I guess I'll try shooting for his robot. He seems to have an emotional attachment to it. Hey! Magnus! You look like the box shaped dildo used to penetrate whales! You probably make their pussies bleed with your sharp edges. You are also the single greatest embarrassment to every single Mecha in the history of the entire Mecha Universe and you should feel bad!

Robotnik: Hey! I find that comment to be rather sexy! AND DEEPLY OFFENSIVE TO MY ROBOT! You hurt it's feelings! I feel for him because I AM A ROBOPHILIAC!

Mario: Yes. I'm aware...

Mario started the long awaited battle off with giving his new gay looking blue shoes by doing a regular jump attack on the robot's head: [2 Damage]

Robotnik: Okay! You like giving pain huh!? Try, RECEIVING PAIN! BEWARE! MY MAGNIFICUNT FOOT FETISH ROBOT STOMP!

As Robotnik was planning his stomp attack, he was indecisively planning out who he was going to step on by switching who his foot was hovered over. He eventually chose to step on Goombella thinking it would turn her on: [2 Damage]

Robotnik: Take that you fuck nuggler!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses-

Goombella: Shit. I'm too weak... I mean... uhh... I can't... fuck. Koops! You want in on this!?

Koops: Sure!

Mario: Haha! You can't fight the boss cause its defense is too high you suck haha!

Goombella: Shut up before I kick you in the mouth!

Goombella swapped places with Koops because she can't fight a robot worth shit.

Mario used his new ground pound attack for the first time in this series. He jumped high as fuck and delt with his fat ass [4 Damage] on the glass part of his cock pit

Robotnik: AHA! You only gave me a boner with a new consept to masterbate to!

Robotnik uses his robo foot fetish foot of pain to stomp Mario: [2 Damage]

Robotnik: Take that you naughty little boy!

Mario: I will strangle you, you son of a bitch!

[TURN 3]

Koops stubbed Magnus' foot by doing a badass shell slam. If it was a human like what happened to X-Naut 21, that shit would get infected easily: [1 Damage]

Mario preformed yet another ground pound attack on the head on the Sex-bot: [4 Damage]

Robotnik: Oh boy! Next time, take off your pants and do that! And fart on it! Oh and have a little shit smeared on it too?

Koops: No offense Mario, but this guy seems kind of weak...

Mario: Dude! Dont say "no offense" when its not needed! Or ever. Its dumb. Also, we are annihilating his ass big time. Robotnik! You got any bigger guns?

Robotnik: As a matter of fag, I do! Behold! MAGNUS VAG ROCKET FISTS OF FISTING PEOPLE!

Robotnik's bot of sex manually detached it's hands from it's arms as they floated in the air despite flames spewing out of them. Aren't they supposed to be mobile if they have FLAMES spewing out horizontally!? Physics right?

Robotnik: When I'm done with you, im gonna treat myself to sucking the whipped cream I just injected into my balls out of my dick, then into my mouth, through my intestines then finally, OUT MY ASS!

Robotnik: PREPARE TO GET ROYALLY FISTED!

Robotnik somehow skipped his turn so he can show off his rocket fists like a horny retard. So it is now Team M's turn.

[TURN 4]

Koops did another shell slam damaging Magnus' foot even further!: [1 Damage]

Mario pulled out the Ice Cocaine he bought earlier. He smashed the ice thing on the ground and started chopping it up with Wario's credit card.

Koops: Gee... Are you sure thats safe.

Mario: It's just sharp crystal specs of pure drugs entering my nazile cavity dumbass! How bad can it be?

Mario carelessly snorted the whole damn thing at 1ce and sneezed cold air so freezing, that it dealt Magnus and his fists [3 Damage]. It destroyed the hell out of the fists and froze the engine of the main machine.

Robotnik: No! NOO! Come on! Work it baby! You gotta work it! AWW!

Mario: This is getting really pathetic fast.

Robotnik: Thats it! You leave me no choice!

Robotnik hopped out of Magnus and started doing a hot sexy stripper dance while rubbing parts of his body on the Mecha. while still wearing his dirty diaper he shat in 5 or 6 times by now.

Robotnik: Yeah. Mmmm... Yeah... Betcha liek dat doncha! Yeah! Yeah! Take it! mmmmmmmmm Take it like a bitch baby! Yeah! YEAH! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Koops: Shouldn't we attack him?

Mario: The game won't let us since it's not our turn.

Koops: Aww man…

Robonik: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Robotnik had a full body orgasm so hard that it made the penile part of his diaper blast off.

_Battle Music: Gattai Nante Kusokurae! from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST_

The steamy hot stripper dance of Robotnik majically warmed up the Robot and the engine started running again.

Robotnik: FIGHTING SPIRIT!

Robotnik jumped back into his robot like a professional olympian diver and geared back into bizarre mecha combat.

Robotnik re penetrated himself with the dildo seat in sheer eloquence.

Robotnik: I DON'T CALL THIS THE COCKPIT FOR NOTHING!

Robotnik got really excited it started working again, he got really excited to the point where he started stomping the floor alot in asspiesh ecstasy. This worked like a POW block effect so it knocked Koops on his back and dealt [2 Damage All]

[TURN 5]

Koops: AAAAHHHHHH! I CAN'T GET UP!

Mario: Got damnit! Koops is in his vegetative state again!

Koops: No! I just can't get off my back!

Mario: You bitch. Welp... Might as well use this.

Mario pulled out the **Star of Wrath** out of his overalls and held it above his head.

Mario: How does this work again...

Goombella: The star channels your **wrath** into energy! Remember!?

Mario: Not following you...

Goombella: Get mad stupid.

Mario: But i'm always mad.

Goombella: Stop being difficult and yell at him!

Mario: LISTEN HERE ROBOTNIK! THERES ONLY 2 THINGS YOUR GOOD FOR IN THIS WORLD! KILLING YOURSELF AND GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED! BY ME! YOU ARE THE UGLIEST CRETIN IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE AND NOT EVEN HITLER DESERVES TO BE BURIED NEXT TO YOUR GRAVE YOU STUPID FOUL UGLY FUCK!

Robotnik: Has anyone ever told you that you have a really pretty mouth for talking dirty!?

The star started glowing and growing.

Mario: hehe... yeah... laugh now bitch.

Mario hopped on the star as it did a seismic fucking earth tremor attack that only did damage to Robotnik for the sake of the continuity of no friendly fire: [6 Damage]

The Machine started sparking as it only has 3/10 of its life still left.

Robotnik: It's that part of the epic fucking mecha battle is it!? Well stand back as I am about to show you 1 last trick in my diaper! BEHOLD!

2 double doors from the bottom of Magnus' body opened and a large metal rod shaped like a dick with a drill for it's head bursted out and took the form of a rocket. I mean, it's a fucking rocket robot drill dildo dick!

Robotnik: WITNESS THE RAPE OF MY ALL POWERFUL MAGNUS VAG COCK!

Mario: Good lord!

Robotnik's robot cock drilled into Mario's mouth breaking 6 of his own teeth: [10 Damage]

[TURN 6]

Mario: AHHH! FUCK THAT HURT!

Mario held his mouth in utter pain and noticed his hands were covered in a shit ton of blood.

Mario: Wow! Holy Fuck i'm bleeding! OWW!

Robotnik: You can pay me later for the dental work! I'LL HOLD YOUR TAB!

Koops: I don't get it.

Flurrie: Mario! Let me tag in. I wanna party with that big hot metal doohickey of his...

Koops: I don't get that either.

Flurrie: Trust me. That thing is indestructible! But I have a sexxxy idea...

Mario: Fine. You're the porn star... use to be...whatever

Koops: Shucks... I just got back up too...

Mario swapped Koops out for Flurrie.

Mario continued to bleed out the mouth a shit ton.

Mario: This bleeding has to stop. Flurrie! Mushroom!

Flurrie pulled out a bag of shrooms and tried feeding it to Mario sexually by guiding it around Mario's bloody lips.

Mario: JUST FEED ME THE FUCKING MUSHROOM ALREADY SKANK!

Flurrie fed Mario the mushroom: +5HP

Mario: Welp. It stopped the bleeding, but it only grow 3 of my teeth back...

Robotnik dealt another dick fire that was directed at Flurrie this time making her half blind in a very horrifyingly gory way.: [10 Damage]. As soon as she eats another shroom, she'll grow it back.

[TURN 7]

Robotnik: My asshole is the best part of my body!

Flurrie: I recieve black eyes more infected than that for breakfast!

Mario: Its true.

Flurrie uses appeal for the sake of sheer narcissism. No star power was given to Flurrie's ugly face cause she was so ugly.

Mario: Well that was a humiliating waste of a turn.

Mario performs yet another ground pound attack on Robotnik making him even hornier with more things to jack it to: [4 Damage]

Robotnik: TIME FOR ANOTHER STEAMY DOSE OF MY GIANT ROBOT DRILLDO!

The drilldo cock flew straight at Flurrie yet again.

Flurrie: Yess... come on... come on...

Magnus' cock was milliseconds away from impacting Flurrie when suddenly.

Flurrie: NOW!

Flurrie stretched opened her pusswah and countered it by trapping the dick in her void of existential anguish being her vadgelly.

Robotnik: … Holy Shit!

[TURN 8]

Mario did 1 more ground pound attack really smashing the shit out of Magnus: [4 Damage]

The robot was barely operational and almost ded with a couple flames spawning out of its body.

Robotnik: I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP! OYEFHEOFINGOSDSODJGSDOJGSBNDGOJSDBGOJSKN!

Flurrie: TIME FOR THE CLIMACTIC MOMENT OF THE CLIMAX!

Flurrie performs a boob slam so hard that it actually obliterated Magnus Vag Grapple with her unpleasantly heavy rack. Flurrie and Robotnik were unharmed luckilly this act: [1 Damage] yeah...

[LEVEL UP]

Mario leveled up to level 8 where he upgraded his BP to 12!

**[END OF BOSS BATTLE]**

Robotnik flew upwards on a cloud of smoke and landed flat on his face.

Robotnik got on his knees and his face started to quiver in countless layers of sadness.

Robotnik: ww...ww..www...w...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! EHHH EHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Robotnik: WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EH EH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!11

Robotnik rolled on the floor and spent about 10 minutes of spewing snot and shit and doing that going blind thing that some people do when they cry alot while everyone got in a circle and watched.

Mario: Haha. What a bitch.

Robotnik: MAGNUS! IM SO SORRY! I LOVED YOU SO MUCH! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GONE! YOUR SEXY ROBOT BOD' IS GOOOOOONNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!11 MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM! MMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

During Robotnik's tantrum, he ripped off his blastedly soiled diaper and chucked it at Koops' face.

Koops: Hey…

Robotnik got up and started crying even more and pulled even more shit out of his asshole where he continuously kept trying to throw shit at all of the Team M members including the Punies and painfully missing and splattering the wall.

He then started grabbing his crotch and rubbed his body and licked the shit smeared walls for no reason.

Goombella: Should he help him?

Mario: Nah. This is pretty funny.

Koops: Guys! Look what I found in his diaper guys!

Koops held up the shit covered **Star of Envy.**

Goombella: Nice Koops! We have 2 out of the 7 stars now!

Mario: About time.

Robotnik started crying even more while rolling around in his own vile waste.

Gombella: Also, you totally need to wash your hands big time! And the star!

Koops: Yeah I know.

Robotnik got up and kept running around naked covered in his own fecal matter like some berserk demon possessed monkey.

Rbotnik: OHLALALALALALALAL OHHHOOOOHHHOHLALLALALALALLALALALALAL OLALALALALA OHALALALLLALLALAL!

He started running towards Madame Flurrie.

Robotnik: This is all your fault my favorite porn star ever you!

Robotnik tackled Flurrie and started making out of her!

Flurrie: Mmmmmm...oh…. oh yeah….mmmm How…mmmmmmmm... Arousing…

Flurrie and Robotnik started rolling around on the floor making out and soon began making sex.

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Goombella: OH MY GOD!

Koops: Oh the Horror.

Mario Goombella and Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! ! ! ! !

Punio: OH THE HUMANITY!

Goombella: Where did you come from Punio?

Punio: I was here the whole time. So were the rest of us.

Puni Elder: Yes. And thank you all with kind gratitude for saving our tree and saving our race. We are forever in your debt.

Koops: Uhh... Cool.

Petuni: Thank you Team M!

Puniper: Yeah! You guys totally didn't suck ass!

Goombella: Hehe... Don't mention it.

Mario: Yeah. Were not very good with handling thank yous.

Puni Elder: Well if theres anything you all need, let us know.

Mario: There is.

Elder Puni: Yes?

Mario: Bitch let us crash here for the night! Flurrie briefly mentioned that you things grow weed. So yeah. We demand we sleep in that room.

Puni Elder: That is fine. We have an even deeper basement where we keep the weed. That's why the X-Nauts never found it. Would you like us to pull out some mattresses?

Mario: If you guys have a shit ton of weed, we'll gladly sleep on just like, I don't know. I pile of it.

Koops: Dude! Were gonna get so high Goombella.

Goombella: Hell yeah we are! I can use some dope after getting stepped on earlier.

Punio: So Elder, did I show great leadership or what?

Elder: Ehh... It sounds like Mario mostly ran the show from what I read.

Punio: Aww come on... Did I at least show those 5 characteristics that you were talking about?

Elder Puni: What?

Punio: You... went on a long tangent about it on chapture 3 - 12!

Elder: Oh yeah... Well fuck that shit. Who cares.

Punio: Fuck!

Puniper: Heheehehehee

Punio: SHUT UP FATBOY!

Meanwhile they all looked over at Flurrie and Robotnik having sex.

Petuni: What are we gonna do about them?

Mario: I don't know. I guess we just jack off or something.

Everyone else spontaneously started laughing for the sake of wrapping up the chapture.

Mario: I'm half joking you guys.

**_Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer_**

It seems that Mario and the rest of Team M have become mortal enemies with the X-Nauts. Even so, they have returned peace to the Great Tree of Might at long last. The punies circled around them and sang a gay little song of joy and victory that totally didn't rip off that gay scene from How the Grinch Stole Cristmas. Although they have collected a 2nd installment of their Dedly Stars. Will more allies await them? What other kinds of challenges and enemies will these kind of heroes face? Find out when we break on through the other side next chapture of SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!

\- To be continued

Credits:

_Credits music playing: I wanna be your dog by The Stooges_

Creator: IAMMASTER

Based on a True Game

After Credits: Robotnik and Flurrie were still fucking each other.

Goombella: WHY HAS NO 1 STOPPED THIS!?


	4. Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!(P1)

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated N, for, "Nigga, getcho ass outta here if you a little, punk-ass kid or a butthurt, easily offended muthafucka, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit."

"Getting offended by a joke makes you part of it."

~ George Washington

"If a joke makes you choke then with good timing it was spoke!"

~ Abraham Lincoln

"If nigger is your trigger, try not to be so bitter. If kike is your hype, go back to the trike. If chink makes you sink, you need a drink. If faggot makes you nag it, then this room you shouldn't inhabit."

~ Some homeless guy who I'm pretty sure was high as fuck when saying this

Also, this chapture will come with 2 parts due to it being long as fuck and probably the longest chapture I will ever write ever.

Enjoy.

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Uncut Version)**

**Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!**

**PART 1**

_Anticipation Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer_

Last time on Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama, Mario and his strange pals arrived back to Gettoport yet again to learn about their new destination for the star in Boggly Woods. Despite cryptic information handed out from the Professor, they managed to find a creature among a species of Punies who lives in a giant tree inside the woods. They soon made it to the tree only to find out, it was sealed shut by the sinister X-Nauts. With the help of the famous porn star known as Madame Flurrie, they successfully found a hidden entrance inside the tree. As soon as they accomplished that shit, they were immediately encountered by a series of X-Nauts and they rescued the rest of the punies. Team M as always, used their smashing abilities to take on Robotnik in a fight for the 2nd star bringing somewhat of peace back to their tree 1ce again. Stay interested and find out what happened this issue of SUPER MARIO! AND THE THOUSAND! YEAR! DRAMA!

**Chapture 4 - 1: Meanwhile! In the legion of X - Nauts!**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 21th, 2004. It is 12:00 PM, Unknown Weather F.]_

**[X-Naut Fortress]**

Grodus was busy sitting at his mechanical throne room as usual like the evil motha fucka he is. While he was impatiently waiting for cutting edge results on Robotnik, a stupid X-Naut started smashing his fists knocking way too hard on the damn door.

X - Naut #186: Sir. Grodus! SIR. GRODUS! Hey Sir. Grodus! Open up!

Grodus: OH FOR FUCK SAKES! Come in!

The X-Naut barged in immediately when the door open with his hands groping his own genitals for reasons that aren't totally perverted.

X-Naut #186 (Age 27): Oh thank god you opened the door! I really have to piss like there's no tomorrow! ERR!

Grodus: ...

X-Naut #186 started doing a wicked foot tapping bathroom dance while beginning his update.

X-Naut #186: Yeah! im doing a contest with X-Naut #213! To see who can go the longest without pissing! I hope I end up winning cause if I don't-

Grodus: IS THIS why you entered my throne room!?... *Sigh* I'll tell you what, I'll only let you GIVE ME 1 GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T FUCKING KILL YOU RIGHT HERE!?

X-Naut #186: OH! THAT'S I WHY I CAME HERE! You see uhh... ERR! i'm so distracted with my need to takes a wicked piss! OOOO… Alright… So I have news to inform you on our operation to collect the 7 Dedly Stars!

Grodus: Hmm... yes... Go on.

X-Naut #186: You see! Uhh... We can't OWW I HAVE TO PEE! We can't get in touch with Robotnik!

Grodus: So you mean... to tell me... that you entered my evil throne room, so you can tell me there were NO updates on Robotnik?

X-Naut #186: WHAT WHAT!? Uhh... I thought you were looking for just about ANY update from our overall goal! OOOWWWW! Including little updates! Like that!

Grodus: ... You do realized the severity of how much you just shortened your life expectancy cause of this, correct?

X-Naut #186: Well! Errr! NO! IM SORRY! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! OOOWWW! ITS SO HARD NOT TO PISS WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO KILL ME! IM SO SORRY SIR. CHODUS!

Grodus: Wh- What did you just call me?

X-Naut #186: uhh... Grodus?

Grodus: ... No... There was a "Ch" in that name? ... Which mean you called me... CHODUS!? YOU THINK MY NAME IS SOME KIND OF JOKE DIPSHIT!?

X-Naut #186: NO! IT WAS A JUST A JOKE!UHH-H-H-H REALLY! I PROMISE!

Grodus: Does any1 else know about this "Chodus" joke!?

X-Naut #186: ME AND COUPLE OF X-NAUTS THAT MADE UP THE JOKE! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

Grodus: RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Grodus got up from his chair, and blasted lightning from his fingertips like Lord Sidious from Star Wars and blasted the stupid X-Naut. This caused the X-Naut to blow up like a piss filled water balloon and covered Grodus and his entire throne room ... in piss. Nothing but piss...

Grodus started huffing and puffing with pure rage thinking about the immature name that mocks him so. It was almost like he had never been insulted before in his life. Or maybe it's because he has that severe of a compensation disorder.

Grodus: NO 1... CALLS ME CHODUS…. AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT! WHO EVER STARTED THIS IDIOTIC RUMOR! MUST PAY! I WILL FIND THOSE 2 OTHER X-NAUTS! AND I WILL TORTURE THEM! SLOWLY! AS I CUT OFF THEIR LIMBS AND GENITALS! AND DROWN THEM! IN A POOL! OF LEMON JUICE! YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE!? YOU! WILL! DIE!

Little did Grodus know... 2 X-Nauts overheard this conversation across from the other side of the door.

X-Naut #21: WHOA! HOLY SHIT! I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS ACTUALLY GONNA KILL HIM!

X-Naut #24: Shut up 21! Or he might hear us!

X-Naut #21: Aww man! We shouldn't have made that joke man! Grodus would have probably spared him if it wasn't for us!

X-Naut #24: Look. What's done is done. We can't change the past now. He's ded. Besides, not to start any insult to injury or nothing, but he should not have let that joke slip out so easily if he wanted to live.

X-Naut #21: I know! But I still can't believe he killed 1 of his own henchmen! Also, what if we're next!? He's gonna find out we were the 1s that made that Sir. Chodus joke and then he's gonna find us and torture us next! AWW SHIT! WERE SO FUCKED MAN! WERE SO FUCKED!

X-Naut #24: 21! Relax! You still have a major concussion and a jammed toe. We might as well sleep off that battle with Mario from earlier and worry about it when we wake up.

Grodus: Is that X-Naut 21 and 24!? Enter here at 1ce!

X-Naut #24: See what you did 21!?

X-Naut #21: Shit! I didn't mean t-

X-Naut #24: Look. We'll be fine... We'll just play it cool, and no 1 will get hurt. I promise.

The 2 X-Nauts entered Grodus' throne as they trembled in greasy sweat and agonizing fear.

X-Naut #24: Holy cow! Wow does it smell so much like urine in here!?

Grodus: SILENCE! Now, do you know why I summoned you both?

X-Naut #21 started to quiver in fright and anxiety to the point where he might pass out soon.

X-Naut #24: Why no sir?

Grodus: I wanna know why you both haven't updated me about Robotnik and the mission to find the 2nd star yet.

X-Naut #24: Oh thank god! Well, we just got back from that. You see, I hate to break this to you boss, but Team M now has possession of the star in Boggly Woods. Besides us, all of the other X-Nauts died from Mario and his gang, or from a random earthquake. Robotnik however, we are not sure what happened to him. He seems to have mysteriously disappeared after losing to them.

Grodus: Hmm... So this means that we only know of 3 stars now. Theres the 1 we found from that Ghettoport location, and Team M has the 1 from Hooktails castle, and Boggly Woods. So thats 4 other missing 1s left. And Robotnik even with 10,000 X-Nauts and Shadow Sirens were not enough to defeat those wretched barbarians!? Hmm…. It appears we have a pack of mortal enemies don't we? DO WE KNOW THE NEXT STAR THIS TEAM M IS AFTER NEXT!?

X-Naut #24: Sadly no. We apologize sir.

Grodus: *growls* I WANT YOU BOTH TO KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON MARIO AND HIS FILTHY TEAM! Watch where they sleep! Watch wear they eat! I don't care if you have to watch them take a crap and masterbate! I want you both to keep your eyes peeled on every move they make! And mean EVERY! LITTLE! MOVE! No manner how strange or perverted or erotic they may be. It will intrigue me... UNDERSTOOD!?

X-Naut #24 and 21: Uhh... YES SIR!

Grodus: Now leave at 1ce before I execute all of you! Oh wait! Just 1 more thing?

X-Naut #24: Yes sir?

Grodus: Have any of you heard of any immature phallic like names mocking my own? Perhaps 1 that combines my name with the term... "Chode?"

X-Naut #24: No sir! Sounds like a name that a stupid kindergartner would make up if you ask me.

Grodus: Good good. Cause if you hear any1 say this name out loud, find the blurters for me so I can personally do away with them at 1ce. Oh, and if I find out if you're lying and if it was you 2 who made the joke, unspeakable torture will duly be upon you both. Rest assured.

X-Naut #24: Understood sir!

Grodus: NOW HURRY AND STALK TEAM M AT 1ce!

X-Naut #24 and 21: uhh.. uhh.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

24 and 21 ran off like a band of pussies.

Grodus: No 1 can ever know my painful secret...

**Chapture 4 - 2: Move over 2Pac, a new hologram makes the scene!**

Meanwhile in the diabolical X - Naut fortress, Peach was in her bed sexually moaning while masterbating using a royal jewel incrested golden viberator that had 2 beady mushroom like eyes on the shaft so she can get off and fall asleep after watching a thrilling Michael Moore documentary.

Peach: Oh, Michael ... Michael Moore! Uhh... dig it in me! Errr Yeah! I'm your little naughty bitch am I? Mmmm yeah! Yeah! Put me in your documentary Mmmmmichael!

Peach started to drip while slapping her ass while she intensely lifted her legs up in the air as she was approaching her climactic burst.

Peach: MMMmmmm... Ooohhh... I like how you're fucking me infront of every1 in the Mushroom Ball! Yeah! You give me your Mushroom AND Balls Michael Moore! YEAH! Don't stop fucking me! YEAH! Give me MOORE MOORE MOORE!

Suddenly, the speaker in Peach's ceiling began to ring with a loud voice.

Tec: PRINCESS. PRINCESS. Please enter the computer room immediately.

Peach: OH GOD DAMNIT! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CUM!

Peach entered Tec's room while wearing a pink tank top and a pink thong with a little mushroom on it from Spencer's while being very very pissed that she couldn't get off cause of TEC.

Tec: Hello Princess Peach. I am glad you have came.

Peach: Ugg... Yeah... Came... Yeah right... I was about to until you ruined my fantasy of Michael Moore raping me in a dance club.

Tec: Peach. I paged you so I can inform you that Mario has received your email.

Peach: … *sigh* Couldn't you have waited until... I woke up? Like, did he even reply?

Tec: Sadly no. It appears that Mario does not know how to read nor write. Along with this, he was too distracted to reply since 1 of his partners puked on his phone. As a super computer, I am obligated to know of such technical data.

Peach: Okay. Whatever... Thanks for wasting my time I guess asshole... Im gonna go back to sleep now.

Tec: WAIT! Actually. The real reason why I summoned you was so you can inform me on more data about... horny. From what data I gathered in your room, you expressed an interest of experiancing intercouse in a ballroom, correct?

Peach: Ex-CUSE ME!? LIEK, WERE YOU LIKE, SPYING ON ME!?

Tec: Affirmative. You do seem awfully surprised. You did not seem so surprised when I acknowledged your tramp stamp in the shower last chapture.

Peach: Oh yeah... I guess your right.

Tec: When you were pleasuring yourself, I had a malicious malfunction to sext with you as well. How my programmings would produce this impulse is inexplicable. I must find out what caused it.

Peach: Find out what caused it? TEC, there's no reason behind such a feeling. Wanting to fuck something... It's part of horny. But then again, you are a stupid fucking computer after all.

Tec: Peach. Please fuck me.

Princess Peach: Whoa... Hold on JUST a minute! What...am I supposed to do? You say you want to fuck me? It's just so...bizarre... I mean, how the fuck can I fuck you? Am I supposed to …I don't know.. take your mouse and shove it up my cunt and maybe rattle it like a dog with a chew toy? Or am I supposed to grind on the keyboard or something? Liek, LOL!?

Tec: I have an idea.

Tec science fictionally produce a life sized accurate hologram of Peach in front of her.

Tec: Would this perhaps be a satisfying substitute for you?

Peach: Wait! Hold on a second! Thats suppose to be me!? You made me look way too fat!

Let's backtrace what I last said... "life sized accurate hologram of Peach"

Tec: This is the best I can do for experiencing intercourse with you.

Peach: So I'm suppose to … have lesbian sex with myself basically? Uhh... I … geez... don't think I can do this... Can't you just transform yourself into Michael Moore?

Tec: Sadly no. I maybe a super computer, but my power is relatively finite. This will be the only substitute I can fulfill since I have so much data on you.

Peach: *Sigh* Alright…. This is going to feel really weird, scissoring with myself...I guess a bitch has to get off some how I guess.

Tec started playing "_Dick Dagger's Theme_" as Peach pulled down her thong and started scissoring with the hologram of herself. This was really awkward for her at 1st since she was almost literally fucking herself in front of the perverted machine. After 2 minutes of somehow rubbing her royal Peach cliterus on the hologram's vadgelly, she got really into it and soon enough, she moaned like crazy and creamed ALL OVER the goddamn floor with that good ol' princess pussy juice of her's. So imagine if this parody was in the actual game for a second. Imagine pressing the buttons on command for Peach to fuck herself as a hologram. Great, I'm already inventing ideas for new Mario Hentai games on Newgrounds. HAPPY NOW!?

Peach: Wow! That was amazing! I REALLY needed that! Thanks.

Tec: It was a pleasure for me as well Princess Peach. I feel aroused. Though I still cannot compute how to climax, however I still enjoyed the experience.

Peach: Wow! Usually, guys I've slept with were the 1s that left me hanging! Yeah, no! That really was amazing! I never even considered the thought of having sex with myself. I might have have to masterbate to having sex with myself from now on. Narcissism is awesome!

Tec: Aroused? Is this impulse I feel known as... aroused?

Peach: I guess? I don't fucking know.

Tec: I am indeed intrigued by these emotions. In the mean time, would you like some bus fare or perhaps if you'd like, you can use my keyboard to send whatever message you want to anyone who would perhaps be interested in a 3 some.

Peach: I can think of some1.

Peach began and then finished another email you will read and see Team M react to in chapture 4 - 4.

Tec: I believe you sent your email to the "male" specimen Mario...

Peach: Yeah why?

Tec: *sigh* Nevermind. Goodnight Princess Peach.

Tec opened his door for Peach to leave for the night.

Peach: Well goodnight. You know, you are 1 sick fuuuuuuuuuuuucked up computer. Tee hee.

Peach left the computer room forgetting to put her thong back on after that intense sex scene with herself. Apparently, she was too distracted by that awesome orgasm because she just walked through the hallway butt ass naked with only a tank top on. Bet you wish this story had visuals now huh?

Wait? What if Grodus finds the thong in TEC's room. Nah. Nevermind. I'm pretty sure some perverted X-Naut will keep it for himself in perverted secrecy.

**Chapture 4 - 3: Bowser's Outside Story!**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 20th, 2004. It is 2:30 PM, Sunny and 64 Degrees F.]_

**[Petalburg]**

After a long staggering 1985 styled journey where Bowser and Kammy Koopa copied Super Mario Bros for the NES, he reached Petalburg in hopes to find the Star of **Wrath**. Or was it Peach they were looking for? Who knows. This whole area was so 2 Chaptures ago!

Bowser: HAR HAR HAR! THAT WAS THE BEST ADVENTURE EVAR! I'm pretty sure shes just around here somewhere!

Kammy Koopa: Forgive me lord Bowser, but your logic of thinking she'd be in this place of all towns is entirely based off nothing. Since she's kidnapped by other villains, we should look for an evil lair of some sorts.

Bowser: SHUT UP! I'M FUCKING BOWSER! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I DIABOLICALLY SHOVE YOUR HEAD UP MY ASS AND SIT ON YOU!

Kammy Koopa: Yes... I apologize your foulness.

Bowser: That right! Fuck you bitch! Welp, I'm off! I'm gonna go talk to some of mah homeboy Koopas and maybe I can recruit a few of them since I blew up castle and what not! After this, we are going on that picnic where I am eating all those fucking Air Heads till I start puking sugary fiery acid all over myself!

Kammy Koopa: My Lord, Bowser. I must say. This town seems to be under somewhat of maintenance almost as if it was ravished by some ugly Dragon.

Bowser: Who cares! My story is way better anyway!

Koopie Koo: Hey there! You 2 must be the new tourists I've been hearing about! My name is Koopie Koo! The prettiest girl of this village.

Bowser: Oh my god! Who the fuck cares!? Have you seen a hot blonde Princess around here?

Koopie Koo: You're looking at 1 baby. Why don't you come into my throne and take over and I can be your queen of the Koopas.

Bowser: ...WHAT!? NO! You think I, Lord Bowser would ever be attracted to my own species!? THATS DISGUSTING! Well guess what weakling!? I'm a real King! And a real King is attracted to humans! With their... luscious blond hair... and their... smooth... WHITE... skin. White as the snow of Narnia! Your scaly yellow Koopa skin is only good for slave work under my Koopa monarchy.

Kammy Koopa: Uhh... Bowser, you might wanna be careful with your choice of words. Some of your content may potentially come off as racist!

Bowser: Racist against what!? Koopas!? Just cause I am some deformed king shaped Koopa, It doesn't mean I'm attracted to my own species. I'm attracted to ... slender... white ... Princess humans only!

Kammy Koopa: Yeah, but i'm not talking about the Koopa part, I'm talking abou-

Mayor Kroop: Koopie Koo! What are you doing!? Don't you know that thats the evil Koopa King Bowser! Hes given our race a worse name since Adolf Koopler! RUN! Run and hide while you still can!

Koopie Koo: Well yeah! I'm trying to get in his pants so I can be his queen!

Bowser: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa!

Bowser impulsively decked Koopie Koo in the nose. The same nose that Goombella broke and is still very noticeably broken. She was knocked out in a puddle of blood and pus her nose was so fucked up.

Kammy Koopa: Bowser!? What was that for?

Bowser: I PANICKED!

Kammy Koopa: PANICKED OVER WHAT!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO FEAR!? YOU RETARDEDLY OVERSIZED KOOPA FUCK!?

Bowser: Wait! Shut the fuck up! Look! Outside dat window! Its Princess Peach!

An image of what appears to be Princess Peach was standing still smiling while explicitly exposing her butt similar to that "Breaking the Internet" photo no 1 talks about as much anymore.

Bowser: ITS PRINCESS PEACH! ITS PRINCESS PEACH!

Bowser started running towards her while blushing. He accidently tripped on a rock but get back up and still ran to her.

Kammy Koopa: Bowser! Thats clearly a post-

Bowser: PRINCESS! I'M HERE TO RESCUE- I MEAN KIDNAP YOU!

Peach: ...

Bowser: Oooo... I like when you get all silent like that... It … It turns me on...hohohohohoho...That's right sexyyyy... Don't make a peep. You and me will AHH! I CAN'T STAND IT! GET OVER HERE ALREADY!

Bowser popped a massive Koopa boner and in the epitome of visual ecstasy, grabbed the Peach poster, rolled it up, and started fucking the shit out it while he closed his eyes with his mouth wide opened and his headed facing fucking upwards.

Bowser: Uhh! YEAH! UHH! YEAH! OOHH! IM SO HORNY! RAWR!

Kammy Koopa: BOWSER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? DON'T YOU KNOW THATS CLEARLY SOME 1's POSTE-

Bowser: SHUT UP! DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME! JUST WATCH! AS I RAPE THE PRINCESS IN A SMALL VILLAGE!

Bowser: UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! YA! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! UH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! GWA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Kammy Koopa: Is Bowser doing an evil laugh while fucking that poster?

Bowser: DON'T STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! DONT STOP! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEACH! PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACH! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bowser jizzed all of his yellow semen from his STDs all over the ripped up poster. Damn! Every1 in this chapture so far is getting laid huh? Maybe Mario's next.

Bowser: *panting* Ohh yeah... Best... sex... ever...

Bowser: Kammy! Bring me a towel! Lots of em'

Koopabraham (Age 25): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A random koopa/ owner of the poster ran to Bowser freaking out that his poster got ruined! He started tearing up almost as if his pet get ran over or some shit like that.

Koopabraham: My... My life's treasure... Do you realized what you've done!? I've spent my life's bar-mitzvah money on that life Peach poster and now it's ruined IT'S RUINED! WAAAAAAAAA!

Bowser: P...P...POSTER!?

Koopabraham: This is worse than all of the Hooktail attacks combined! *sniff* Now…. *sniff*... Now I actually have to kill myself!

Bowser: AWW MAN! GREAT! Just great! Now I might as well be the huge, mighty king of RAPING POSTERS! GREAT! I'M NEVER RAPING ANY1 ON SALVIA AGAIN!

Bowser: Kammy! Why didn't you tell me that was a fucking poster!?

Kammy: I tried telling you 3 times you big stupid asshole! How did you not notice it was a poster WHEN YOU WERE FUCKING IT!?

Bowser: YOU'RE A BITCH!

Kammy Koopa: Call me a bitch 1 more time and I'll sack tap you outrageously hard in the balls!

Bowser: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT YOU OLD WITCH SENILE RETARD TURTLE THING! I'LL JUST BREATH FIRE ON YOU!

Kammy Koopa: THATS IT!

Bowser and Kammy started wrestling with each other harmlessly like a bunch of morons. They were poorly attempted to hurt each other by pulling their hair and pinching each other's nipples while tackling eachother and bitching/ yelling.

Oh. And Koopabraham killed himself in the background never to be seen again.

**Chapture 4 - 4: Spider Mario!**

Mario (Age 43): An absurdly drunk ass bastard with an incomprehensible amount of issues. He's the horny imperial like leader of the rising Team M. Often times, he has no idea what the fuck hes doing and tends to get impulsively violent to the point where it worries the fuck out of his challenged team mates. Seriously, it's debatable whether he's a sociopath or not. I bet he got so drunk 1 night, he just kind of broke the metaphorical roof of how drunk some1 can get and just never came back to sobered up. Hes an asshole who gives 0 fucks what you or what even I think of him.

Goombella (Age 21): Though she has her own independent thoughts, she's still your day to day pretentious liberal arts college cunt know it all student. She pretends to get grossed out by shit for the sake of being that reactionary character that likes to make every1 feel like shit for superiority purposes. She tends not to get along with other females out of unconscious jealousy and wanting all of the girl attention out of everybody. She has a compensation disorder in almost the same way guys with small ding dongs do.

Koops (Age 18): A simple minded Koopa who tends to get pushed over alot. He gets very easily confused to the point where not many other character's understand him. Not even himself really. He's alot more complicated than he may seem since he struggles alot with identity issues more than you might realize.

Flurrie (Age 49): A perverted former shit fetishing porn star who is constantly looking for a good ol' shtickly with just about anyone. She moved to woods to get away from the spotlight to do weird perverted acts in the woods. Unconsciously, she has a tendency to almost rape all of the members of Team M.

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 21st, 2004. It is 7:30 PM, Sunny and 64 Degrees F.]_

**[The Great Tree]**

Judging from the captain's log, you may gather that Team M was out cold asleep for awhile. Basically, you know how they were sleeping in the even lower basement of the tree where they grow all of their weed? Yeah... get this, THEY SMOKED ALL OF IT! Have you seen Pineapple Express!? We're talking 2ice as much weed than that building held under the Great Tree of Might.

Goombella: Uhh... *YAWNS LOUDLY* Wow! What a night! Thats gotta be the biggest weed hangover like, ever! WHOA! WHAT THE HELL!?

Goombella was shocked by a man in a big spider costume hanging above her while giving an evil grin with his above average lengthed penis dangling in the air. Obviously it's Mario.

Mario: You know... I'm no ordinary spider! Mosst spiders have 8 legs... Well, with me, I also got this here 9th 1! You know what some people also call it? MAH DI-

Goombella panicked and bursted out of her empty weed bag bed thing and skull bashed Mario while wearing her helmet giving him a bloody nose.

Mario: OOOWWWW!1

Goombella followed this by viciously biting Mario in the dick n' ballz hurting him a fuck ton! Mario then spun out on control and fell on his stomach flat.

GOOMBELLA: MARIO!

Goombella: WHAT!

Goombella: THE!

Goombella: FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO!?

Mario: Oww... The fuck! Oww my fucking nose n' balls!

Mario laid on the floor in agonizing pain from the biting of his genitalia.

Goombella: WERE YOU TRYING TO RAPE ME IN A SPIDER COSTUME!?

Mario: ffffffffff. You didn't have to bite my fucking nuts bitch..*Sigh* Look, I was trying to rape you cause I thought it would be funny. Why should that piss you off!?

Goombella: WHY SHOULD THAT PISS ME OFF?! HMM... LETS SEE!? MAYBE IT'S THE PART WHERE YOU WORE A SPIDER COSTUME? OR MAYBE IT'S WHERE YOU TRIED RAPING ME! YOU KNOW I'M AN ARACHNOPHOBIC AND YOU TRIED RAPING ME! DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW FUCKED UP ALL OF THAT IS!?

Mario: Okay... Calm down. You do realize from the reader's perspective that you're the 1 sounding like the bad guy, right?

Goombella: TELL ME TO CALM DOWN AGAIN AND I'LL STOMP ON YOU LIKE YOU WOULD A FUCKING GOOMBA! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPER MARIO, NOT SUPER FUCKING ASSHOLE RAPIST! YOU USED TO KNOW THAT!

Koops: Holy cow like, what's goin on? I just woke up.

Flurrie: Mmmmy... Whats all this?

Mario: So what? You can't take a joke all the sudden? I was trying to recreate your favorite nightmare to tease you in a cute funny way, you really don't get why that's funny?

Goombella: THATS IT! WE ARE NO LONGER ON SPEAKING TERMS, YOU GOT THAT!?

Mario: Heh. Will see about that bitch girl.

Goombella: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Goombella stormed off as she walked to the lobby of the tree.

Koops: Woazers! What was all that about!? And why are you wearing that spider costume?

Mario: Pfffttt... Remember when I was telling you about that whole joke I was planning on where I rape Goombella in this costume to fuck with her by fucking her?

Flurrie: She didn't like that? Aww... But that's soooo sweet though...

Koops: Oh yeah. I remember now. Gosh. You really went through with that? Wow. I feel kind of bad now. It sounded funny when you explained to me, but if she's upset.. uh... I guess I can go talk to her.

Mario: Hah...Well go on. Be a faggot. It was still pretty funny though.

Koops caught up to Goombella with his usual awkward run.

Flurrie: So Mario... If you need some tips on how to do some serious fucking bondage role play, I Flurrie can always be of some sheer service.

Mario: I was trying to prank her by raping her. It wasn't suppose to be consensual.

Flurrie: I don't understand the difference hunny.

Mario: No... no you wouldn't.

Koops caught up to Goombella in hopes that his friendliness would pay off.

Koops: Hey Goombella! Whats wrong?

Goombella: Oh, did you not hear!? Mario was going to... RAPE... me.

Koops: Wait. I don't get it. I thought Mario was doing it as a joke. Like uhh... did you not get it or something?

Goombella: HOW IS SOME1 RAPING SOME1 ELSE A JOKE!?

Koops: Well I don't know... Mario explained it pretty well to me I guess... I don't know.

Goombella: So if Mario raped you, you'd brush it off like it was just some kind of joke!?

Koops: Well... uhh...I don't know. I can see why it'd be funny, but I could see why you might not find it funny either.

Goombella: Whatever... None of you have any ounce of common sense cause you're all a bunch of idiots!

In Koops' Head: Shut the fuck up you fucking bitch.

Koops: Oh wow... I'm just trying to help. Sheesh.

Koops brushed off the frustration he had from talking to Goombella and put that energy into checking Koopie Koo's facebook.

Goombella and Koops reached the lobby of the tree where they were encountered by some Punies.

Punio: Hi Goombella!

Goombella: Good Morning Punies.

Puniper: It's hardly morning.

Punathan: Yeah. Its like, 7:40.

Koops: Oh well thats not so bad!

Punathan: I mean, it's 7:40 PM! Like, the sun is setting.

Koops: Yikes! We must have been passed out for awhile from all that weed.

Elder Puni: Yeah. We weren't even able to sleep the smoke was hurting our eyes so bad.

Punio: Yeah. The whole tree was covered in smoke. We thought it was a fire but then we realized, wait... its just you guys smoking our weed. We would have stopped you, but we felt guilty since you saved us and Mario would probably try to murder-fuck us if we attempted to stop him.

Goombella: He'd probably try to do it while wearing a spider costume too...

Mario and Flurrie entered the room.

Mario: Sup motha fuckas. Whadwe miss?

Goombella gave Mario a really silent and angry look.

Elder Puni: Well... Looks like you all better be heading off now. Before you 4 wear out your welcome even more and smoke more of our weed.

Mario: We smoked it all!

Flurrie: It was most excellent weed I concurr.

Petuni: Whoa! Thats alot of weed.

Koops: Wait, we're not going to overdose on weed are we?

Mario: Dont be stupid. It's impossible to overdose on weed! Even if it was, we would have died long by now!

Elder Puni: Well... again... Thank you for saving our tree. We are still forever in your debt. Come back soon, but not too soon. Were pretty sick of you at the moment.

Mario: You bet your grey shriveled old puni ass you are!

Punio: So uh... Goombella...I'm glad you guys helped me with my tourettes. Just curious... After that whole adventure we had... I was thinking, would you uhh... wanna start like... a long distant thing?

Koops: I still wish I had tourettes.

Goombella: A what?

Punio: You know. Maybe your like ... gosh its hot in here... Like, when you're done with your adventure, maybe you'd like, wanna have a long distant…. relationship? And I can like,uhh… wait for you until your done and we can live together?

Goombella: Oh wow. Uh... I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but... you're honestly not my type in any way. Your like, 14 so that would TOTALLY make me a stachatory pedophile or some shit.

Punio: We don't have to have sex!

Goombella: Well... no offense again, but you punies are kind of hideous to me. I mean, you guys are cute in the pug kind of way, but I don't know. I'm a Goomba, and to me, dating a Puni is like having a relationship with the neighbors dog. I hope you understand.

Punio: *sigh* I guess... *sniff* Well, in that case, have a nice life then...

Mario: Well my strange partners! I guess we're off to our next strange adventure!

Flurrie: Ta-ta Punies!

Team M took off.

Punio: FUCK FUCK FUCK! NO! ITS BACK! SHIT SHIT SHIT!

Mario ran back for 1 more immature remark.

Mario: Punio! I almost forgot! You look like a hideous venereal disease designed to exterminate sick cats! And If you think your life has any other meaning, it doesn't. Grey losers like you have no use other purpose in life other than being food for retarded birds and climbing up ded pervert's assholes! OH! TOLD YOU ID SAY IT! TOLDJUH! PIECE! OF MY DICK FOR YOU TO SUCK! BITCH! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario caught up with the rest of his team

**[Boggly Woods]**

Mario: Well that was 1 retarded adventure.

Mario lit up a cigarette.

Koops: Where did you get that cigarette?

Mario: Who knows... Oh shit. I forgot to give back that sun orb! Ehh Who gives a fuck. I'll just pawn the shit out of it when I can.

Flurrie: In that case, Shall we be off to Ghettoport now?

Mario: Shit, your really coming with us?

Flurrie: Why yes of course my lovely little lads! What kind of person would I be if I left the team and went home only to be so far away from my sexy team?

Goombella: A great person!?

Flurrie: Well. I'm stickin' with you on this misguided misadventure harder than i've ever stuck anything up my rancid vadgelly.

Mario: God damnit. Wait-a make our team look 2ce as uglier from now on….

Flurrie: Oh you guys.

Flurrie gave the team an ominous sexual stare.

Koops: Say,,, What happened to Robotnik after you guys like... had sex?

Flurrie: Gosh. I have absolutely no clue. I hope hes alright. He must have just disappeared without leaving me any money. Just like my step uncle.

Koops: Uhh... Mario? Are you gonna finish that cigarette?

Mario: Actually. I just lit it randomly. I don't really know why I just did that. I keep forgetting I don't smoke these.

Mario carelessly chucked his cigarette behind his shoulder landing somewhere on the Great Tree of Might.

Mario: Let's get going.

While they all took off, the cigarette Mario threw away started slowly lighting the Great Tree of Might on fire. The best part is, is that none of them noticed that the tree was about to burn down. Also, the Punies had no idea how to put out the fire so I guess that means no more Great Tree of Might. I think they lived though. You'll find out later.

Koops: Do you guy's smell something burning?

As they were close to the warp pipe, Mario at last received yet another email.

Koops: Mario! Your leg be having another seizure! RUN!

Goombella: Koops. We've been over this. Its just Mario's phone.

Koops: Oh right. hehe.

Goombella: You really need to eat your breakfast more often dude. Maybe you wouldn't be such a fucking retard if you did.

Koops: Yeah true.

Mario: So wait. Who's up for reading this email this time? Goombella do yo- Nevermind. Your still mad at me. Uhh... Flurrie can you? Wait nevermind. I don't know where your hands have been. Koops? Nah fuck that. Your hands are either really cheesey, or way too greasy. Whatever. Koops. Just read it and I'll hold it for you!

Koops: Yay! I'm doing something useful for 1ce!

_"Deer Mareeyo m shur yr veree wrreed abaout mii...liek, jk cus U nevr writ mii bac! But ges wat bitch? Im actshelly fin! I havin sex wit a cumpeeutr and hez gud at s3x lol! Hes a lot butter than u cud bii. OMG liek, He liek, clonz a haligram uhv miiself so I can can seckz with my-self cuz im the bessst! But srsly. I wana find mor about out this plaic n i wil du mai bezt 2 e-male U agen if U writ bak dis tim, K? But SRSLY, u must no I dpnt misss U. Latly Ive dreamt bout X-cuting U n front uhf oll hour frindz n de castal. I hop wii spind da dayz loling at Ur decapitated hed az Ur corpse bleds and you $#!+ Urself! Tata! But SRSly, baiii"_

_-Princess Peach-_

Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Koops puked all over mario's phone.

Mario: Aw AWWWWWWW! DAMNIT KOOPS! NOT AGAIN!

Koops: Soory about that Mario Is her gramer's gettin worse? Its geting uh litle contagis

Goombella: Right!? You lose brain cells when ever you read it.

Mario: I love how you've been harping on people for everything today. Anyway, I think that whole computer business is just her on some kind of acid. I can never tell with her cause shes is the purest example of a dumb blonde. Seriously. She became Princess cause her parents are rich and bought her a castle for winning prom queen on her junior year while her spanish toad did all of her school work. Their family was always obsessed with penises so 1000 years ago, they mutated all of the humans and spliced their DNA with penises. I don't know why they had to turn out so small. Even under their hats are fucking heads of penises. Yes. I'm talking about Toads by the way. Anyhow, we should get going.

Flurrie: That is the most precious story I have ever heard.

Koops: So were going down that warp pipe again?

Mario: Yup.

Mario grabbed Goombella, chucked her at Koops' stomach, which projectiling both of them at Flurrie's boobs causing them all to fall down the warp pipe together.

After the 11 Hour Warp pipe ride, they 1ce again for like, the 3rd time entered Ghettoport and are heading straight to the sewer where they met Punio.

**[Ghettoport Sewer]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 22nd, 2004. It is 8:00 AM, Sunny and 64 Degrees F.]_

Flurrie: So this is the sewer of Ghettport huh? Mmmm... What a refreshing smell. How arousing...

Koops: Arousing?

Goombella: Geez Flurrie. You would be turned on by the smell of sewage wouldn't you?

Flurrie: Well yeah. Its my profession hunny. You see, the real reason I retired from my extravigant porno career was because I attempted the art that is independant filming. Unfortunately, I lost my entire audience because they were not ready for some of my original Flurrie made ideas. Apparently the world is not ready for I! Madame Flurrie to eat a man's genitals and shit it out onto their sebbard crotch region only for me to remold the shit into the shape of their original dick n' balls and freezing the fecal matter so I can suck off my own shit the shape of the man's privates! So I psychologically convinced myself that I was too good for my audience as an excuse to give up for the safety of my reputation! And if you think it was because of my audience losing interest and turning it's back on me, you can go fuck yourself.

Mario: I think it's because you got too gross for even shit fetish perverted maniacs such as myself to get off to. That says alot by the way.

After a few minor repetitive obstacles, they reached the throne of the 1000 year door as always to do the famous game ritual of knowing where the fuck they gotta go next.

Flurrie: Ahh... The 1000 year door you all have been talking about. Mmm... It's so big and pink and deep It reminds me of Ghettoport's vadgelly...

Koops: It looks a little more red to me.

Goombella: It's not a fucking vadgelly Flurrie. Its a Door. We need the 7 Dedly stars to open it.

Flurrie: Well I bet I can find another way to open it early.

Goombella: Sure... Now Mari- I mean, Koops. Uhhh… Tell Mario to stand on the center podium of the shrine to activate that ritual from last time.

Koops: Mario to stand on the center podium of the shrine to activate that -

Mario: Yeah yeah! I know how to do it. I've done it 2ice before

Mario in frustration spat out a loogy on Koops' crusty hoodie.

Koops placed the Star of **Envy** on the 51.49 degree of the shrine while Mario stood on the center piece while raising the map up as always.

Mario: This is such a gay ritual!

As usual, blu rays bursted out of the shrine and through the circumference. Both the Stars of **Wrath and Envy** began glowing in their designated location. Everything was spinning. The map soon burnt another illustration on the upper side of the map. This time, it was a floating babylon like dojo propelled by bursting flames from the bottom possibly ravishing the OZone layer. Also, there was a giant Chain Chomp in the middle that might even be the boss they have to face this chapture. This was shown floating between Hooktail's castle and the Great Tree of Might. Sky level?

The map floated back in Mario's hands.

Mario: Well that was boring.

Koops pointed his greasy finger at the map almost carelessly poking a hole in it.

Koops: Wow! Check it out Mario! This level looks like it's gonna be in the sky. Huh. Looks like we need to get our jet packs huh?

Mario: Shut up Koops!

Goombella: Hey Flurrie! You can stop licking the door! Its not like its gonna open that way!

Flurrie: Give it time girl. It just needs to get a little more wet from my luscious tongue.

Goombella: Eww... You're so fucking strange. Lets just talk to Frankly and hopefully we won't have to go on a long retarded long ass adventure like the last 2 times.

**Chapture 4 - 5: Frankly don't give a Fuck and Mario gets Drunk! ... Drunker...**

They arose back from the grimy ooze that is the sewers of Ghettoport now walking their way to Frankly from some map like explanation yet again.

Koops: We're seeing Frankly again? Oh gosh.. I'm so nervous. What if he still doesn't like me?

Mario: Well, your not particularly likable, so thats nothing for you to worry about.

Koops: Oh. Phew... Thanks Mario.

Goombella: Now Koops or Flurrie. Can 1 of you tell Mario not to smash Frankly's door down this time?

Mario: You know, you're making it very obvious that you're still on speaking terms with me. Although, guess again dork!

Mario started slamming the door with his hammer unsuccessfully.

Mario: Fuck! He must have bought a better door this time!

Flurrie: Mario. Allow me...

Flurrie knocked Mario out of the way with her stupid boobs and she farted on the door causing even the door got so grossed out, that it disintegrated.

Frankly was seen hangin' himself from a noose with his pants off while passed out. Team M was surely surprised.

Goombella: OH MY GOD! PROFESSOR FRANKLY IS DED!1

Goombella started tearing up again.

Goombella: NOOOOO! SOME 1! CUT THAT ROPE! NOW!

Goombella kicked Koops' shell causing him to spin and fly at the rope cutting it down like a Bob Chandler on the internet.

Goombella: GIVE HIM AIR! NOW! SOME1!

Mario: 1, 2, 3, NOT IT!

Koops: Uhh... Not it.

Flurrie: I'll do it!

Flurrie grabbed Frankly in a provocative like grip and started giving him errotic CPR in the grossest way possible.

Frankly: *COUGH COUGH* BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!Ugg... Where am I? and EWW! WHAT'S THAT GROSS TASTE IN MY MOUTH!? I'VE HAVEN'T TASTED SO MUCH ASS, SINCE I WAS IN VIETNAM!

Flurrie: Why thats my breath hunny... From eating my own ass.

Frankly: EWW! WHO IN GENGHIS KHAN'S COFFIN LET THIS GROSS SMELLY ABOMINATION INTO MY LAB/ HOUSE PLACE!?

Mario: This is Flurrie. She a famous pornstar who decided to get all gross and fat and old for no reason.

Frankly: You mean Madame Flurrie from Cleavage Cluster Fuckers 8 joined your party!? What in Cuckolding Constantine happened to you!? I used to be your biggest fan until now just by gazing at your grossness! BLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Frankly puked on Flurrie's Face.

Mario: Cleavage Cluster Fuckers 8 fucking sucked. That had some of the worst porn angels I've ever seen. Donkey Punch Cuntry will always win #1 in my book!

Koops: Wait, so professor, Why were you trying to kill yourself with your pants down?

Frankly: Well.. Lets see... How do I explain... Are you kids familiar with Auto Erotic Asphyxiation?

Koops and Goombella: No?

Mario and Flurrie: Yes.

Frankly: Auto Erotic Asphyxiation is an act for an intensifying orgasm by depriving the body of oxygen. In other words, choking yourself gives you a really good high while also giving an even greater orgasm. It can be performed by both sexes, and can be done alone while masturbatiing, or during sex.

Goombella: Okay okay! Geez! Thats a little too much information.

Frankly: I must have passed out in the middle of it. Its good you came or else I probably would have died. I guess that's a good thing...yes...

Goombella: Yeah... Well, anyway, we found the 2nd star! So, you know, we did the whole ritual shit and all. You know anything about this new location on the map?

Goombella: Oh wait. Can some1 tell Mario to hand me the map?

Mario: You can just ask me instead of you trying way too hard to hold a grudge.

Mario handed the map to Frankly

Mario: You see this shit Professor? She's been mad at me all day just cause I tried raping her while wearing a spooky spider costume.

Frankly: Aww... You kids and your playful experimental hootenanny and hwat not. So precious...

Goombella: HE TRIED TO RAPE ME!

Frankly: Oh come now. Who in the 8th would take something like that so seriously? He was just playing a practical joke. No need to get all fussy...Next time Mario, I recommend wearing a horse costume. The ladies DIG that!

Frankly: Anyway, I'm assuming you all are familiar with the show The Glory Hole?

Flurrie: Go on...?

Mario: You mean that show on that dying network; EFPN? (Entertainment and FanFiction Programming Network) That Frikken place floats in the sky!? I thought it just took place in some crummy part of Indiana!

Frankly: Stunning isn't it? The name of the floating island/ town it's in is known as Glitzville. Families go there on vacation to get drunk and puke sweat and cheap expired hotdog meat at the contestants. They say that even the children get fat and wasted there! Rich people even wage bets on their mansions, their limousines, and Chocolate Lab Bichon Poodles, and even their own CEO royalties to stupid shit like Cosco and Gap and Block Buster.

Flurrie: Mmmm... All of this is indeed gouging Madame Flurrie's pussy.

Goombella: Please settle down Flurrie. So wait? How the hell are we supposed to get there if it's floating in the fucking sky?

Koops: Heh... Maybe we can just drink some Redbull. You know... I'd become a Paratroopa, you become a Paragoomba, 1 of us can carry Mario, and Flurrie can already fly!

Goombella: ...*Sigh* God damnit Koops. Thats just a dumb fucking gag in the commercials!

Koops: Wait. Really? I've never had a Redbull before so idk.

Frankly: It's common knowledge that red bulls do not give you wings you TWIT!

Frankly grabbed the map and tapped Koops in the nose.

Koops: Oww. That actually hurt.

Koops' bandaid spot on his nose actually started bleeding.

Frankly: Anyway... You can take a blimp to Glitzville from West Ghettoport.

Mario: You mean this fucking town has a "west side"? Thats hilarious!

Frankly: You can only take the blimp if you have the right connections though. You actually have to talk to the Don of the Hawaiian Mafia in order to get a ticket.

Koops: Wow. So people can only get a ticket if they have the right connections? And you can't even purchase a ticket yourself? So that means that line of Blimp Travel would make absolutely no money! Isn't that kind of bad for business on all parts? Also, why would the mafia have ties with blimp travel anyway if it's not making them any money?

Everyone Else: SHUT UP KOOPS!

Koops: Aww man...

Goombella: Wow Professor! This is the 1st time you've actually given resourceful information on how to travel to the next destination.

Frankly: Well yeah. You dumb fucks wont shut the fuck up about it. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I CALL THE HAWAIIAN MAFIA ON YOUR ASSES!

Mario: So with your whole talk about calling the Hawaiian Mafia? That means you have connections with them right? Can't you just get tickets for us!

Frankly: WHAT!? ARE YOU KIDDING!? NO! I GOTTA GO BACK TO CHOKING MYSELF WHILE MASTERBATING!

Koops: I like how you never put your pants back on.

Frankly: YOU OWE ME A NEW ROPE FOR HANGING MYSELF!

Frankly kicked the awkward team out of his house with a power kick.

Frankly: AND STOP GROSING OUT MY DOORS!

Mario: Fuck that guys a dick! Lets go to the bar and get drunk or something.

**[Podley's Pub]**

Later at the Podley's Pisshole of a Pub.

Battle- I mean... Background Music: _Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple._

Koops: Wow! So we gotta talk to some mafia guys!? Sheesh. That makes me kind of nervous!

Mario: You'll be fine 1ce you get drunk. I have alot of coins from killing all those creatures in that tree a day or 2 ago.

Podley: What can I get for you 4?

Mario: Bring me 8 of your finest shots of Buffalo Trace asshole!

Podley: Ahh.. I little spendy spendy I see eh? Hehe... And how about you sir?

Koops: Uhh... I'll have... 2 SHOTS OF TEQUILA!

Podley: Well... What brand?

Koops: Uhh... Mario. Help me out here.

Mario: Jose Cuervo.

Koops: Hozay Queervo Sir!

Mario facepalmed hard as he had a slight realization that he's surrounded by a bunch of stupid fucking retards.

Podley: Its Cuervo son... How about you maam?

Goombella: Some1 Tell Mario, I want 1 Budlite... no ... 2 BUDLITES!

Mario: OH FOR FUCK SAKES GOOMBELLA! ALL YOUR DOING IS SAYING "SOME1 TELL MARIO" SO IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU'RE DIRECTLY TALKING TO ME!

Everyone: ...

A random guy in the bar started whacking himself with a beer bottle to deth over losing a football bet while doing a goofy drunk laugh.

Podley: Ooooohhh right, how about- OH HEY! Its Madame Flurrie! BLEEEEERGG!

Podley puked on the floor leading to a chain reaction of every1 else puking 1ce they all recognized Flurrie. Apparently the sight of Flurrie makes almost any1 puke at the 1st glance of her existence. Am I right Paper Mario fans? Scream and wake up your parents if you agree with me!

Flurrie: Mmmm... I'll have 1 Sex on the Beach please...

Flurrie started fingering her nipple with her tongue sticking out at Podley in a sexual manner.

Podley: Please stop doing that... Also, can I have your autograph?

Flurrie: Mmmmhmmm...

Flurrie signed a receipt in a pretentious manner. Mario took a look at it.

Mario: HOLY SHIT! 34 COINS!? WHY DON'T YOU JUST CUT MY NUTS OFF WHILE YOU'RE AT IT YOU FUCKSHIT!

Podley: You want the drinks or not?

Mario: GAAAAAAAAAHHH! Yeah... fine…

Mario paid Podley and he soon enough got the drinks ready for the soon to be drunk team.

5 Drunks in the background started to play spin the bottle with each other knowing they're all straight guys.

Goombella: So Flurrie, I have to ask. You're the newest partner, and already you've gotten probably the worst verbal abuse out any of us. You don't even get mad about it either. Whats up with that?

Flurrie: Mmmm... I'm glad you asked my pussy gouging goomba girl... Its because I like it when you guys talk dirty... *aggressive sex moan* It REALLY TURNS ME ON!

Flurrie just downed the hell out of her Sex on the Beach drink.

Mario: That explains alot.

Mario grabbed 3 of his shots of whiskey in a Wolverine kind of way and drank them. 5 to go.

Koops: Wow! That looks awesome! My turn! Hey look every1! I'm Mario!

Koops took the 2 shots, and drank them all at 1ce. Koops then started coughing alot.

Koops: *COUGH COUGH COUGH* HOLY FUCK! I FORGOT HOW BADLY THAT BURNS! WHY DID I DRINK THAT JUST NOW!?

Flurrie: Well they don't call it "picking your poison" for nothing sweety.

Koops: Oh good. My mouth is all numb now. Wow... You're starting to look a little more attractive! So wait. How are we planning on getting in contact with those mob guys anyway?

A random drunk guy attempted to summersault like Sonic the Hedgehog naked while having his skin painted blue.

Mario: Well its simple. *Takes another shot* Were gonna TIE THEM UP! AND WERE GONNA FORCE THEM TO GIVE US A BLIMP TICKET, OR I WILL FORCE THEM TO DRINK MY CUM WITH ORANGE FANTA! AND IF THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, WE WILL MAKE THEM EAT FLURRIE'S SMELLY DIRTY CORN HOLE! AND 1 OF YOU ARE GONNA FILM IT.

Goombella started slowly drinking yet gagging at the wretched taste of Bud Lite.

Koops: But aren't mobsters like... .dangerous...?

Mario: Were Team M! The dangerously badass team where we Murder-Fuck dragons and fight Nazi rip off's.

The Bar Music suddenly transformed into _Clocks by Coldplay_.

Mario: AH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT!?

Flurrie: What's wrong Mario?

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK!? NO! WE ARE NOT GONNA LISTEN TO FUCKING COLDPLAY! SOME1 TURN THAT SHIT OFF! NOW!

Goombella: Can some 1 tell Mario to stop making a scene?

Mario drank the rest of his shots looking drunk as fuck.

Koops: It's not so bad.

Flurrie: I think it's a lovely song!

Mario: SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! I CAN'T STAND FUCKING COLDPLAY AND IT'S DEPRESSING CORPERATE GARBAGE FUCKING CUCKING BULLSHIT!

Mario got on the Bar stool and started stomping his feet like an Autistic manchild from Virginia.

Mario: PODLEY! CHANGE THIS FUCKING GARBAGE! NOW! BEFORE I SHIT MYSELF AND THROW MY SOILED OVERALLS AT YOU!

Goombella: Oh my god... he's gonna get us kicked out I just know it.

Podley: Oh well sorry... I just thought that this song would be a good change of pace from what we normally play.

A random customer started drunk break dancing knocking shit over and spilling beer everywhere. Sticky sticky beer...

Mario: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK! CHRIS MARTIN IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND I HOPE HE FUCKING DIES IN A HOUSE FIRE! THERE IS A REASON WHY BARS NEVER PLAY THIS SHIT! THEY! LOOSE! CUSTOMERS! NO 1 WANTS TO LISTEN TO THIS FUCKING SHIT!

Podley: Please... Just settle down sir... Maybe you can just give it a chance?

Mario: OKAY! THATS IT!

Mario began going on a catchy obnoxious chant where he pumped both fists on tempo, and stomped his foot chanting "TURN IT OFF!"

Mario: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Every1 else in the background including Koops and Flurrie joined Mario in the chant while smashed their hands on the table in unison.

All but Podley and Goombella: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Podley: Alright Alright! Fine! You all win.

Podley switched the song to _I'm Gonna Rape You by GG Allin._

Mario: Thats better!

Mario got back in his seat and started somewhat behaving again. Goombella forced herself to drink her 1st whole Bud Lite.

Koops: Gosh golly guys! I can really jam out to this! Look at me go!

The drunk Koopa took a turn at standing on the bar table and started doing the hustle in a retardedly socially awkward way.

Koops: Ooo... Oh yeah! Work it work it! Yeah!

Flurrie: Oh my...

Mario: Koops... There is a special place in the short bus for people like you.

Flavio (Age 25) Hey man! That was awesome what you did just there with that whole Coldplay garbage.

Mario: Ahh... It was nothing baby.. Mmmm Let me kiss you sexy!

Mario grabbed Flavio and kissed and tried undressing him thinking he was a french maid. Flavio panicked, pushed Mario off of him, and ran off.

Flavio: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!111

Mario: Call me!

Goombella: Great... There he goes raping again...

Mario: Hey guys! Who wants to watch me climb on the roof like Donkey Kong!?

Koops: Dude! You gotta do that!

Goombella: Can some1 tell Mario NOT TO DO THAT CAUSE HE'S LIKE, TOTALLY DRUNK OFF HIS ASS LIEK NO TOMORROW!

Mario: Don't care! I'm doing it!

Mario walked upstairs reaching Toadsworth's room

Toadswarth: Oh hi Mario! It's been awhile since we-

Mario: ROAR!

The inebriated Italian man chucked a random beer bottle at Toadsworth's forehead knocking him out in a pool of blood. Don't worry he didn't die I don't think..

Mario found another door that lead him onto the Roof of the building. Why the hell would some 1 make a door where you can go up to the roof is beyond me. He started bouncing up and down on the roof for joy.

Mario: I'm doing it! I'm Doing it! YIPPEEEEE! I AM MARIO! HEAR ME ROAR!

Flurrie: Wow! My little man is really doing it!

Goombella: Flurrie! Get him off of there! Can't you see this is getting serious!?

Koops: Go Mario! You're the man! WOO!

Mario: Ooooo look! Another item shop!

Mario found a badge shop just sitting on top of the roof. Mario entered the shop noticing a female ball shaped mouse with a black raccoon mask who totally isn't pulling off some bullshit disguise.

Ms. Mow- I mean Badge Shop Owner (Age 25): Hey there. I see you found my secret shop! If theres anything you need, let me know.

Mario: WOW! A BADGE SHOP ON A FUCKING ROOF OF A BAR!? HOLY FUCK! THIS PLACE IS SO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIRD MAN!

Badge Shop Owner: Well... take your time. We got plenty of magnificent badges beyond this world!

Mario: Hey! You look familiar sexy mouse lady... do I know you from somewhere? Eh? EEEHHH? COME ON! Come oooooonnnnnnnn…. TELL ME!

Mario's partners barged in the badge shop worried about their drunk leader.

Koops: Wow! *burp* I've never seen Mario this drunk before.

Goombella: We need to sober him up! How the hell are we supposed to meet the Hawaiian Mafia like this?

Badge Shop Owner: No, hes fine! I built this shop above a bar so I'm used to the partying type. Hehe.

Goombella: Don't I know you from somewhere?

Badge Shop Owner: NO!

Goombella: Well…. fuck you anyway.

Mario: Alright strange bitch! Give me your 4 best badges!

Badge Shop Owner: Well... We just recently got this 1 badge that does-

Mario: I WANT THE BLUE SPIKY COCK LOOKING HAMMER 1, THE 1 THAT LOOKS LIKE THE POWER SMASH BADGE BUT THE SHOE, THE 1 FUCKING GREEN SHOE THAT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A SMILING SHEEP WITH HORNS! THAT 1's AWESOME LOOKING! OH OH OH! AND THE 1 THAT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A ORANGE STOP SIGN WITH THE YELLOW D ON IT! IT LOOKS FUCKING FUNNY AS FUCK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!

Badge Shop Owner: Sooo... The **Piercing Blow, Power Jump, Sleepy Stomp, and Power Rush**…?

Goombella: You know... this might actually not be the worst investment I've seen of his.

Koops: Yeah... He's a good purchaser while drunk huh?

Badge Shop Owner: Is that all?

Mario: Yes it is you stupid bitch!

Badge Shop Owner: Hehe well... that'll be-

Mario: DON'T CARE!

Mario some how matched the right amount of coins needed to upgrade some of his shit and used up all of his BP.

Mario: Thank you! Now back to continuing my drunk rage! WOOOOO!

Mario ran out bursting through the door like the drunk berserker he is!

Koops: HOLY SHIT! HES RUNNING OFF AGAIN!

Goombella: GET HIM!

Mario was standing on the edge of the cliff beating chest and singing the drunkest cover of Free Falling by Tom Petty any1 has ever heard.

Koops: Holy crap Mario!

Goombella: SOME1 GRAB MARIO HE'S ABOUT TO FALL!

Mario: AND I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE! FREE FAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*burp*IIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella: SOME 1 TELL MARIO TO GET OVER HERE BEFORE I KILL HIM!

Mario: NOT BEFORE I KILL MYSELF!

Mario jumped off the building doing a flip to show off. Well he survive? Well READ AND FIND OUT THE OBVIOUS!

**Chapture 4 - 6: Misadventure in da Ghetto! **

Mario landed on the ground resulting in a huge ass fucking fall that should have killed him. Since he's drunk, his body is limp. So hes fine. You've seen the American Dad episode about that right? Although he did land on some1's tobacco pipe!

Zess T (Age 55): What the hell is with all that noise on the roof!?

Mario started to get up with having a shit ton of glass caught all over his bloody cut up face.

Mario: Ugg... Who the hell are you?

Zess T: I'M THE OWNER OF THE FUCKING BUILDING YOUR ASS WAS JUMPING ON! THE 1 CONNECTED TO THAT FILTHY PUB!

Mario: Great... another fucking old person in the story. What are you, like the 10th 1 so far?

Zess T.: Hey what's that glass all over your face?

Mario: What are you talking about? I think I would feel glass if I had glass on my face.

The partners walked through the door of Podley's

Koops: What's going on?

Zess T.: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YOU CLUMSY FUCKING DRUNK IDIOT! You fell on my glass tobacco pipe! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario: Who the hell smokes tobacco out of a glass pipe? I thought people just lied and did that with weed.

Zess T.: WHY WOULD YOU PLAY ON THE ROOF DRUNK LIKE THAT YOU STUPID FUCKING WOP!?

Mario: Oh fuck you bitch! You look like the old retarded munchkin from the wizard of OZ that was never used in the movie on account that you're so ugly! They probably just mistaken your face as sewage treatment so they had to keep you in a containment field instead!

Zess T: FUCK YOU! YOU OWE ME A NEW TOBACCO PIPE!

Mario: Yeah. Fuck that shit! I got places to be so get out of my way!

Mario pushed Zess T on the ground. She immediately got back up and blocked his way to the West side of Ghetto Port.

Zess T: Oh thats it! I'm blocking your way!

Mario: What...

Zess T: Yeah! So now the only way you're gonna get past here, is to buy me a new tobacco pipe!

Mario: Oh hell no! You might as well be another tollway person too! ILL KILL YOU!

Mario attempted to strangle the angry old woman. The partners had to pull him off of her.

Zess T defended herself by pushing some of the glass trapped under Mario's face deep into his flesh.

MARIO: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11

Goombella: Alright alright! We'll buy you a new pipe!

Mario: You're lucky I'm too drunk to strangle you! When I sober up, I'LL HAVE YOU DED YOU HEAR ME!? DEEEEDDDD!

Zess T: Shut your mouth! Your lucky if I don't get a restraining order on you! Since there's no law here, I can't... In the mean time, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Mario: Gandalf want's his line back cunt! Lets go team!

Mario: Hey guys... Do I really have glass all over my face?

Koops: Yeah! Liek wowzers! Your really bleeding alot!

Flurrie: Yeah... Let me lick the blood and glass off of you sweaty.

Flurrie licked all off the blood and glass off of Mario like a weird hybrid of a vampire and the Grinch played by Jim Carrey.

Mario: Thank you Flurrie.

Goombella: Yeah Koops and Flurrie, you guys should tell Mario that we should buy the old bitch another tobacco pipe from Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop. They must have some shit for that.

Mario: Really? Are you even still pissed at me? Or are you just trying to see how long you can go without talking to me. But anyway... were not doing that! Instead, we're just gonna have to beat that old hag to deth when I sober up.

Goombella: …

Goombella ran off into the item shop without the rest of the team.

Mario: HEY! NO! GUYS! GET HER!

**[Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop]**

Cheech T (Age 31): Hey there! Welcome to Toad's Bizarre-

Goombella: Yeah yeah... Do you guys sell any tobacco pipes?

Chong T (Age 39): Welcome! Yes, welcome to Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop!

Cheech T: Chong! It was my turn to talk to the cute girl!

Goombella: Tobacco Pipes! Do you sell them or not!?

Chong T: Eh? What's that? You want a glass tobacco pipe you say? Liek, Whoa Man!

Goombella: YES! YES I WANT A GOD DAMN PIPE YOU STUPID STONED RETAAAARDS!

Chong T: Whoa... Hold on 1 second man! I mean... woman!

Mario smashed the door like a stampede of bulls in 1 swing.

Flurrie: Mmm... What are you purchasing in here?

Mario: Goombella what are you doing buying a tobacco pipe for!? We're waiting for me to sober up so I can kill that old lady!

Chong T: Gee, fella, I'm sorry man... , but we actually ran out of stock for those 3 weeks ago! Well tough luck, dude. Well I guess I can special order 1 with the help of some shady gang members in the alley. We can actually get more of those REALLY SOON!

Mario: Goombella! Stop ignoring me and talk to me please! Don't buy this!

Koops: Why does it smell like bud in here?

Goombella: Sweet! Thank you! You want my contact number so you can let us know when you get it?

Mario: "contact number!?" MY GOD YOU'RE PRETENTIOUS!

Chong T: Later dudes! hehehe…

**[Ghettoport]**

Mario: What the fuck Goombella!? Partners aren't supposed to spend my money! Are you trying to crash the system!?

Koops: If that's the case, I feel like we would have cracked the system awhile ago...

Goombella: Well Koops and Flurrie! Looks like we have some time to do other shit for a while till we get that tobacco pipe. Or when she decides to go to sleep.

Mario: Or we can wait for her to die from a heart attack!

A random wigger rapper popped out of no where, and started rapping while pretending to hold a microphone by balling his fist for the dysfunctional team of tards.

M.C.A$$HAT: Yo sup my pack rats! Its M.C. A$$HAT! I'm rapping all the time, My rhyming is sublime. I don't need to need a bodyguard cause I like to party hard! I smoke weed at the skate park and I like to rhyme with shark!

Mario: Uhh... guys. Lets just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away.

Koops: I don't know man! I think it's kind of catchy! Yeah man, I can dig this!

Flurrie: Those mouth movements!

M.C.A$$HAT: I work at Chipotle cause my life is fo real! I like it when I give those hot girls a free meal! I like twerking cause it makes me feel real real good! I like twerking cause it give me real real wood!

Goombella: Ah jeez.

Koops: WoW! How do you do that!? Man! That's so cool!

Mario: GET LOST YOU RACIALLY CONFUSED PIECE OF SHIT!

As Team M was heading east for some reason, M. pulled 1 more trick up his sleeve.

M.C.A$$HAT: YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT MAH RAPS, WELL YOU KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP! GUESS WHAT I'LL KICK YOU ASS, WHILE I SMOKE ALOT OF GRASS! BAT CAT FAT RAT MC A$$HAT! SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING FORGOT THE WORDS TO MY SONG!

Mario marched back and punched him brutally in the stomach almost killing him. Fuck it. It DID kill him! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!1

Koops: My name is Koops and i'm here to say! I like to rap on everyday!

Mario: No Koops! Don't you start with that shit too!

Koops: Whateva man, dat wack.

Mario: You are quickly peeling away at any ounce of patience I still have in my bloodstream.

Luigi: A-HOY MARIO!

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! Not you again!

Flurrie: My! This man looks awfully like Mario in weird ways. Do you 2 perform sex 3 somes with other people?

Mario: NO!

Luigi: YES!

Mario: No! No we didn't Luigi!

Luigi: Come on... Don't lie. You know we do! Remember how I tried to stick my dick in that 1 hooker but accidentally poked you in the asshole for a little while.

Mario: I was really hoping you wouldn't bring that up!

Blooey (Age 23): It's true! He told me all about it!

Mario: Luigi... Why the hell does that blooper look like a fucking dick shaped cookie with semen stains on it!?

Luigi: This is my buddy I met on my most recent adventure. I was playing Ookie Cookie with a couple of random strangers I just met in a dark alley and I was the last 1 to cum on it. So I decided "Like he'll I'm eating the fucking semen stained cookie!" I mean, it's not that I dislike the taste of semen, Its because I didn't wanna accept last place! You've seen me in Mario Kart! It drives me crazy finishing last! So basically, I wound up rescuing this squid and since I did, the semen entered his body and brought him to life! Like how Pinocchio was brought to life.

Flurrie: Thats hot.

Goombella: That's not how it works stupid.

Koops: Datz Mezzdup G!

Luigi: Anyway, wanna hear my new story folks!?

Mario: No!

Blooey: I don't blame you sir. He lies... you see... What really happened was-

Luigi: EHHEM! IM TELLING THE STORY YOU STUPID JEW!

Mario: God Damnit!

Luigi: So basically, I went to Rumblebutt Volcane and I actually found the 1st compass piece. I would show you it, but it explodes in front of any1 exposed who you're related to like siblings and shit. All kinds of cool ass shit happened in that shit. We did all kinds of dangerous drugs before we passed out on eachother. It makes my nuts hard just thinking about it! Long story short, I landed my ship made out of the corpses of 300 squirrels on the poontang continent where I made my way towards a fucking volcano. I had to spend a couple days fording through the jungle by finding brief shelter and anything I can eat, fuck or eat while I fuck! Thanks to the show Naked and Afraid, I'm pretty crazy good when it comes to survival and sexual needs. Which I also need to survive otherwise I go completely insane! Anyway, scary beasts kept almost mauling my organs, I thought I was ded on countless occasions. So I just showed them my butt so they wouldn't harm me. I was hesitant about doing this since I learned from Naked and Afraid that that's how large animals spare your life. Instead, they just molested me! THEY FRIKKEN molested me! My butt has all these tares and scars from the insane wild animal sex. They literally made me squeal like a fucking piggy! I need to check for rabies. So Blooey got back at those inbred animal and squirted all over his face as a symbol of "fuck you, you fucking mother fucker!" He's a real fucking mad squid! And he's even angrier in the sack when I perform tentacle porn with a fucking cookie. He even gave a name for my dick; "White Torpedo!" He really rumbled my butt as his tentacles had a volcanic eruption inside me! With his hot and bubbly cum! Speaking of penis shaped volcanoes, those pools were bubbling burning red semen like crazy! This place was designed with all kinds of evil traps made to penetrate me in various way. Including skull fucking! The scariest looking trap was this gigantic 100 - foot - tall Roman dick statue that either would have squashed or raped me to deth! Luckily, this dick statue had a weakness! A red glowing tumor on 1 of the balls of the statue! So I had the realization that I can duck, but not far enough. So I decided that Blooey would be the hero since his squishy semeny cookie like powers would do the trick! So I slid him through with my Luigi cock like a hockey puck under the shaft and BULLS-EYE! His ass saved the day! That tumor got so irritated that I shattered the balls which was the engine force of the shaft. So it just shattered before it could maniacally rape me! So 1ce we defeated that thing, it was pretty easy to take a stroll to the hidden room every volcano has! Courage the Cowardly Dog taught me that in an episode! We were able to find the 1st compass piece, but Princess Ebola was in another castle or some shit like that! Since I placed it on the base of the compass, it started pointing west to Placentabelly Village on the Stretch Marks Cuntinent! And so I pulled my magical boat made from the finest squirrel corpses and onward I went! Well actually, I just came back here to Ghettoport to recharge my batteries! Luckily I had A SHIT TON OF CRACK ON ME while I was having this experience!

Blooey: Whoa whoa whoa! That's why I was telling these guys not to believe you! That "White Torpedo" name is for my dick! MY DICK!

Luigi: YOUR NOT EVEN WHITE STUPID!

Blooey: Neither are you stupid! Humans are more sand colored if anything!

Luigi: Well whatever! Fuck you! Wait... Guys! Did you guys like the story?

Mario and the rest of Team just woke up while having fallen asleep in mid story yet again.

Mario: Oh! What was that? I feel asleep again.

Luigi: Well, what did yoou guys think of my story?

Goombella: It actually sounded even more made up than the last shitty story!

Koops: I just kind of slipped right through all that mentally yo! No hard feelinz!

Flurrie: As much as I love stories made out of dick, but as a professional porn actress, I know bad story development when I smell it!

Luigi: Hmm... Mario! You usually give the best feedback! What do you think exactly?

Mario: Well Luigi! The story sucks, the scenes suck, the levels suck, I have no idea whats going on, your breath smells like black hobo cock, and you should kill yourself! Lets go retards!

Mario and his even stranger team than Luigi's left them hanging in the middle of the town.

Luigi: Thanks for the critiques bro!

Mario: Fuck off chode!

Koops: So Mario! What now!? Whatcha wanna do now in da town?

Mario: *Sigh* Don't tell me you're still trying to rap...

Flurrie: Look over there! Its a door with 1 of those shine sprite things! Maybe it works like a cash for gold thing so we can all buy some ecstacy!

Mario: I maybe drunk, but that's retarded! Lets go in there anyway!

Koops: Thats fly, I don't lie!

Mario poked Koops in the lazy eye.

Koops: OW! DONT HAVE A COW!

**[Merlon's House]**

As usual, Mario enforced his trademark entrance by hammering through the door. A short wizzard about Mario's height with a blue robe and strange giant white mustache that looks like he might be competing in The Ultimate Beard. An actual non made up show on Spike TV. Wait, What the hell am I talking about?

Merlon (Age 502) Welcome…. TO THE HOME OF MERLOOOOON! the super-magician!

Mario: Oh great its a fucking larper.

Merlon: I am no larper since I foresaw your arrivals!

Koops: Damn, datz cray cray!

Goombella: So wait, what do you do exactly?

Merlon: Well you see, I'm just a magical wizzzard that lives with my ancient mom who's asleep right now. Don't yell too loud or anything. I will seriously lose my shit if she wakes up and yells at me again. I told her I wouldn't get a fucking job! So I just stay here and gnaw away at my own life. Basically, I just stand around here all day using my psychicness to predict that 1 day, I would have some krazy kalling for my life! And that prediction is to 1 day power up a fat drunk leader's team of strange partners.

All the Partners: Say what?

Merlon: With just 3 shine sprites each, I can upgrade any of your partners by almost doubling or even tripling your power level based on your hidden potential.

Goombella: So you're like the Guru Namekian from Dragon Ba-

Mario: Yeah yeah! We get it! Well... Assuming you're not on bullshit currently, I've collected 8 Shine Sprites! The readers only knew of 1 in Hooktails castle.

Flurrie: What do you mean sexy?

Mario: I mean, every time the narrator says "A few obstacles later," or some shit like that, we usually collect 1 or 2 of those things unnarrated. I guess this is a better investment than pawning them for crack since these partners are weak as fuck compared to me. So how much will 8 Shine Sprites occupy?

Merlon: I don't know, like 2?

Mario: That works?

Goombella: Wait, so some1 tell Mario which 2 should level up.

Mario: mmmm... How about Goombella and Koops.

Koops: I got a worry! What about Flurrie?

Mario: Fuck Flurrie! You guys have been around much longer, plus Flurrie is already the strongest now. Plus no 1 even likes her anyway!

Flurrie: Aww... you're really turning me on Mario.

Mario: Get away from me!

Mario shoved Flurrie away from him on impulse!

Mario handed Merlon 6 Shine Sprite in hopes that this will work.

Mario: If this is some fucking rip off, I'm feeding your ass to Flurrie!

Flurrie: Thats right!

Merlon: Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu!

Thats actually not gibberish. Its the name of some hill from New Zealand.

The walls started falling apart and animating into some trippy wizard outer space looking background where everything started spinning all majically! Team M started panicking.

Mario: AAHHH! GET ME OUT OF HERE! THESE SPECIAL EFFECT LOOKS SO FUCKING FAKE!

1ce the process ended, the room animated itself back into its original form!

Koops: Dayamn mother fucker! My power feelz all strong! Fo rizzle!

Goombella: Wow! That actually did work! I can't wait to see them statistically in **[BATTLE MODE]**! I'm finally not the weakest 1 on the team! Some1 tell Mario I said thank you!

Mario stared at Goombella with more condescendingness than you can possibly believe.

Mario: Really? You're taking your grudge with me that far?

Goombella: ... So Merlon! What are you gonna do with all those shrine sprites!?

Merlon: I like to gaze at them into the night and think about my ded dad! It really gets me excited! Welp. Till you collect more shine sprites, take care!

Mario: Okay...

Team M left the building awkwardly and proceeded onto a little more of what the town has to offer.

**[Ghettoport]**

Mario: So Goombella, have those stoners contacted you yet?

Goombella: Some1 tell Mario I said no, not yet. I feel like maybe they will soon.

Mario: You're not very good at trying not to talk to me are you?

Koops: Ay Mario! You don't seem drunk no moe!? What up wit dat in da hat?

Mario: 1. I'm always drunk. 2. Shut up!

They walked east where they ran into the toll man Gus 1ce again.

Mario: Speaking of me being drunk, HEY LOOK! ITS THAT UGLY TOLL BOOTH FUCK FACE!

Gus: Oh hell naw. Not you again! Thats it! You lookin' for a deth wish motha fukah!?

Gus grabbed his spear and held it up to Mario's face.

Flurrie: This is getting exciting!

Mario: Ha! Big talk for a NIGGER FETUS that doesn't know who the hell he's up against!

Gus: You listen here bitch! Say that again! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHA FUCKA!

Koops: Damn yo! Your Samuel Jackson raps are totally flah G!

Gus: Is... is that nigga trying to act black?

Mario: Yeah. He saw a random lame street rapper, and now he won't stop trying to talk like him.

Gus: Oh you mean M.C.A$$HAT? Sheeeit. I almost stabbed that nigga in the throat his ass was annoying.

Mario: Hey shut up. You're still a nigger fetus.

Gus: OH THATS IT NIGGA! I'M KILLING YOU RIGHT HERE! NO MORE MOLOGINS!

Mario performed a mighty stance in front of Gus.

Mario: Yeah right! As if a stupid fucking nigger fetus could learn golf!

Gus: Thats it! Prepare to die turkay!

Mario: I don't think Nigger fetuses can bowl either.

Goombella: CAN WE JUST STOP THIS SHIT WITH A FUCKING **[BATTLE MODE] **ALREADY!?

Gus: Yeei... Lets settle dis shit right now nigga.

Mario: Its about fucking time! Alright Team! Time to finally abort this nigger fetus in a dark alley! Literally!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level still 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Gus: Power Level 50

_Battle Music: Party Up by DMX_

[TURN 1]

Mario: Normally I would say you look like a Nigger Fetus, but clearly you are 1! So HA!

Gus: FUCK THAT SHIT!

Goombella uses Tattle: Some1 Tell Mario that this is Gus. He's a super-annoying tollway guy with a big pointy spear he tends to throw at people. No sex or race joke intended... like Mario, many people actually think he's just full of shit when he talks, but he really is tough. I mean look at his power level!

Mario: Did you just try ignoring me in your fucking tattle? Whatever.

Mario started the battle off with a Power Jump. Little did he know, Gus' spear was raised in a way where he could counter Mario's attack and splitting his taint kind of: [-3 Damage]

Mario: OWW SHIT!

Gus: You like that bitch!? Well guess what!? I got more big black spear for your ass than you can handle!

Gus threw his big mighty spear at Mario making him take a spear to the knee: [3 Damage]

Mario: FUCKING SHIT THAT HURT! I WILL ASSASSINATE YOU!

[TURN 2]

Goombella skipped her turn to be a dick to Mario.

Mario uses Power Smash on Gus throwing him off a little: [4 Damage]

Mario: You like that nigger fetus!?

Gus: I WILL END YOU WOP!

A bunch of dirty filthy poor urbanites of Ghettoport crawled out of no where and watched the fight as they rooted for Mario and his NON racist remarks.

Gus threw another spear at Mario: [3 Damage]

Mario: YOU REALLY ARE A SPEAR CHUCKING NIGGER FETUS AREN'T YOU!?

Gus: IF I HAD A GUN I'D SHOOT YOU AND PUT AN END TO ALL THIS!

[TURN 3]

Mario noticed that Gus raised down his spear and noticed a perfect opportunity to re:attempt another Power Jump and did so: [6 Damage]

Mario: Hahaha! Your half way done you fucking nigger fetus! What are you gonna do about it now nigger fetus!? Huh!? What Nigger Fetus!

Mario mooned Gus so he can fart at him like in that 1 scene from Super Mario Kun. What? None of you ever read those!? Yeah... me neither.

Mario then performed an annoying drunk chant at gus to taunt him while shaking his butt at him.

Mario: NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH A NIGGER FETUS!? NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS! NIGGER FETUS!

Goombella was trying her absolute hardest not to snap at Mario's racist song. But she was slowly starting to snap.

Gus: YOU WILL DIE WHEN IT'S MY TURN CRACKA!

Mario: HEY! WHY DID THE NIGGER FETUS CROSS THE ROAD!? HE DIDN'T CAUSE NIGGER FETUSES ARE TOO UGLY TO! HOW MANY NIGGER FETUSES DOES IT TAKE TO PAINT A HOUSE!? IT DEPENDS HOW HARD YOU THROW THEM! WHY DO YOU PUT NIGGER FETUSES IN A BLENDER FEET 1ST!? SO YOU CAN SEE THE LOOKS ON THEIR UGLY FACES! WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NIGGER FETUS AND AN ONION!?

Shrek (Age 33): What Mario!?

Mario: I DON'T CRY WHEN I CUT UP A NIGGER FETUS!

Every1 in the background including Shrek start rolling on the floor laughing and pissing themselves at Mario's immature ded baby jokes. Suddenly, a loud yell shrieked

Goombella: MARIO!

Goombella: SHUT!

Goombella: THE!

Goombella: FUCK!

Goombella: UP!

Every1 paused

Mario: FINALLY!

Goombella: I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU STUPID FUCKING ANNOYING SHIT! YOU ARE THE MOST INSUFFERABLE HUMAN BEING THAT SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIMSELF A LONG TIME AGO! IF YOU HAD TO PUT UP FOR YOURSELF FOR EVEN 5 MINUTES, I BET YOU WOULD WIND UP IN A PSYCH WARD FROM HOW INSUFFERABLE YOU ARE!

Goombella angrily multi bonked Gus by stomping on him while complaining about Mario: [10 DAMNidge]

Goombella: WITH YOU RAPING! AND YOUR SPIDER COSTUMES! AND YOUR LOUDNESS! AND YOUR DRUNKENNESS! AND YOUR GETTING ON THE ROOFSHIT! AND YOUR WHINING! AND YOUR SATIRICAL SARCASM! AND YOUR ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR! AND YOUR FIGHTS WITH RANDOM PEOPLE! AND YOU SMASHING DOWN DOORS! AND YOUR MURDER-FUCKING! AND YOUR RACISM! AND YOUR "YOU LOOK LIKE A" BULLCRAP! WELL GUESS WHAT!? YOU LOOK LIKE A FAT DRUNK PIECE OF SHIT MARIO! YOU LOOK LIKE A LOSER! YOU ARE A LOSER MARIO! YOU ARE A FUCKING-!

Mario: Holy shit Goombella!

Goombella: What!?

Mario: YOU JUST KILLED THE NIGGER FETUS!

Goombella noticed her feet were covered in blood, and guts, and more of what used to be Gus' head.

**[END OF BATTLE] **

Goombella: ...What?

Mario: 3 CHEERS FOR GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER!

Goombella: WHAT!? NO! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!

Flurrie: It was the ever most exciting I do say!

The crowd was cheering knowing that they will never have to put up with Mr. Gus' tollway crap! Nor will any1! Ever Again!

They all started lifting up and praising Goombella for her unintentional supposed good deed.

Every1 else: GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER! GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER! GOOMBELLA THE NIGGER FETUS SLAYER!

Goombella: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Later after that exceedingly retarded scene...

Koops: Yo! Goombella! That shit was dope back there! It's like you didn't even care!

Goombella: I still can't believe I killed that Gus guy.

Mario: You'll get used to it. That guy was a fucking nigger fetus after all!

Goombella: WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT RACIST SHIT!? I feel bad enough as it is for killing him and breaking my silent treatment with you.

Mario: Racist? 1st of all. You completely brush it off when any1 ever calls me WOP which is an Italian slur by the way! And Honestly, the word "Nigger" alone without any meaning just sounds like a funny word to me and when you add "Fetus" to it, it's fucking hilarious! I don't even picture black people in my head when I say it most of the time. To me, it's just some goofy silly word or whatever.

Goombella: Then why were you directing that name to a black person?

Mario: I partially forgot he was black. I saw that he had brown skin, but after awhile, I just thought he was just some kind of weird cartoony Loony Tunes looking character that gets offended at black jokes so it became a force of habit.

Goombella: Welp, you also called him "spear chucker" at 1 point.

Mario: Because he was literally holding a spear in his hand. AND throwing 1 at me to be frank with you! Look, most people tend to visually notice skin colors with their eye balls. Noticing race hasn't alway been the case culturally, but lets be honest, most people of every race nowadays does notice race. However, race makes no difference to me personally. I'll fight any1 cause people piss me off no manner what cause every1 to me is just shit. I will say what I can to piss any1 off back, even if I don't believe in what i'm saying. I called what'shisfuck a nigger fetus because it sounds funny as a word, and a weak spot I used to fuck with him. I just fucking hate tollway people with a passion. They're a stupid authority that place a monopoly on the rest of society and I think they should all suffer the same. It's 1 thing when people are just doing it to support themselves I get that, but when a person on their own is self employed and will make money off of where people can walk is some scummy bullshit right there. Even to my standards. It pisses me off!

Goombella: Well… I hate admitting this, but I guess I can actually kind of see where you're coming from a little bit. Don't get me wrong. I don't condone stereotyping and there still is alot of serious oppression and racism that still factors as a real issue facing today, like Princess Peach bringing dedly drugs to kill off black people is really fucked up. So it's hard to not see things like that as a little insensitive to me to be completely honest. Especially the way you go about it. And you kind of seem like you're trying to be preachy and rationalize your racist thoughts too. But I guess your view on it isn't as bad as I thought.. You're just a depressed violent sociopath who's only slightly racist. You've made that abundantly clear this entire story.

Mario: I hate people on an individual bases. Not by a stupid demographic that shouldn't even apply to every1 by the end of the day. You of all people need to learn how to take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm not trying to be any1's fucking role model. Why do you think Nintendo edit's down my real game stories to be kid friendly? But more to my point, I might not be in a position to say this, but I also just wish every1 can get over racial tension too. It sounds ironic I know, but racist jokes or any kind of offensive jokes may actually end of reducing the stigma of social tensions. You shouldn't insult people with racist remarks like what I do of course, but just telling jokes that use racist remarks to make fun of racism should only offend actually racist people. Have a laugh 1ce in awhile. Your laughing cause racist jokes are supposed to be stupid and fucked up. Not because you agree with the points when they're clearly designed to sound fucking stupid. In fact, I think it's the people who complain and are still trying to make every little thing sound racist are the 1s that are passively racist and are making us go backwards in time by pressing so much unnecessary bullshit on the topic. I mean, you have to consider that racism is still slowly dying down and it will continue to do so as time goes on. Civil Oppression in the 60's was almost 40 years ago! Let's just keep raising that number of years and move on so we can all be viewed more as individuals already!

Goombella: Ehh… Yeah... I'll just drop the silent treatment for now. Its better for my patience anyway.

Koops: Whoa what was all that? I wasn't listening.

Goombella: Lets just go see if that item shop has the pipe thing we were looking for.

Koops: Yeah.

**[Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop]**

They all walked back to Toad's Bizarre Drug Shop.

Cheech T.: Oh hey! Your back!

Chong T.: Who are you again?

Goombella: Hi. Did you guys get that shipment of tobacco pipes like you promised?

Chong T.: Uhh... Yeah man! We got a whole bunch of them man!

Goombella: Wait, so how long ago did you get them?

Cheech T.: We….. kind of had them the whole time?

Koops: Yo! Why didn't you tell us then G?

Chong T: *snickers* we kind of forgot we had them man!

Every1 else: ...

Cheech T: You guys look mad.

**[Ghettoport]**

Later after Mario and his team compulsively brutally murdered the 2 toked out toads in walls coated in blood and gore, they finally bought- no... Took 1 of their pipes and pretended like none of that ever happened.

Zess T. was still actually standing blocking the west side path intending to not only block Mario's path, but every1 elses. Wow like, what I bitch.

Zess T.: Oh hey there Mr. Drunky pants! Did you get me a new tobacco pipe?

Mario: Yes... here, just take it so we can move on with our journey!

Zess T.: Oh sweet jesus! Thank you stupid! Finally, I can consume tobacco without purchasing over priced cigarettes!

Zess T.: See! That wasn't so hard now was it? Maybe I'll cook you something if you're interested. In the mean time, you shall pass!

Flurrie: Thank you so much you sexy maiden you.

Goombella: Yes finally!

Koops: Fo rizzle!

Mario: ... You taunting bitch... IM GONNA KILL YOU!

Mario attempted to strangle Zess T. and his team yet again had to try and pull him off of her.

Goombella: MARIO! STOP IT! WE GOT WHAT WE WANTED!

Mario: I JUST CAN'T STAND FUCKING TOLLWAY PEOPLE!

Zess T.: Get away from me you psychopath!

Mario: FUCK YOU CUNT SNAKE!

Koops: Yo! jus drop dat shit! Izz coo G!

Mario: STOP TALKING BLACK!1

Goombella: Sorry about that miss... Mario's not very good with people who block paths.

Zess T.: Well part of it's your fault by letting him get away with this you skank!

Goombella: ... Yeah,, fuck you cunt snake!

Mario: Yeah! In the mean time... Enjoy the rest of your menopause bitch!

Mario and his lame ass company of companions quickly ran off while Zess T shook her fist at them hopelessly.

**Chapture 4 - 7: Wesside Story!**

**[West Ghettoport]**

Finally after reading this for 4 fucking stupid chaptures, you finally reached the part where I talk about the west side of Ghettoport. For those of you who have never played Paper Mario TTYD, you are probably thinking this is the worst most grimiest part of the ghetto. Guess what? You're wrong! Its actually, the BEST, most WEALTHY, most HIGH CLASS part of this shitty town. Thank the Hawaiian mafia of course. I mean, they emphesize this by growing fucking flowers all over the place like some fucking garden! And weed... Maybe.

Mario: Holy fuck! A part of the town that doesn't smell like rotting fecal garbage! The fuck is this sorcery!?

Flurrie: It's a kind of place I would most partake in sinful foreplay in indeed!

Goombella: It's not that great. I mean, yeah I don't have to worry as much about touching shit as much, but still. I don't see why any1 would ever wanna live here.

Mario: Please don't change your major to anthropological studies.

Koops: I don't know yo! I think this place is pretty shoe!

Goombella: Is that even a thing that rappers say?

Mario: No. No its not. He sucks and is in need for a lobotomy check with my fist.

Koops: What eves shoty.

Mario: Lets go get some drugs. Its the only way I can tolerate you right now.

The bizarre team wound up going to a drug shop called "Westside Goods" I actually didn't butcher the name of the shop this time since that name already does sound like a goofy drug store in the game.

Inside the store, a green naked boo wearing degrading playboy bunny ears cashiered this team of fucktards.

**[Westside Goods]**

Boozy (Age 18): Hey there... Welcome to Westside Goods where you can get some Westside Goods! Sorry... I have to say that... what would you like?

Mario: Yeah! Get me a... hmmm... I'm feeling a little exotic right now. What are the 2 items you sell that nobody stupid enough would ever buy…? I KNOW! I'll take a Dried Shroom and a Dizzy Dial!

Goombella: What? Why!? Those are like, totally the 2 worst items in the game! Why would you buy those!?

Mario: I'm doing it ironically!

Goombella: But that just makes your reasoning for buying those items even more retarded!

Koops: Yo! Speaking of shrooms, remember when you were tripping on them while you was stoned!? You spent that whole night running into da wall. Man we didn't know what youz was tryin to do G!

Mario: You're really bringing that up now of all awkward times? Whatever. Just get me a dried shroom and a dizzy dial.

Boozy: Wait hold on a second. No 1 ever buys those items ever! Hmmm... I have to ask you a few questions.

Koops: ARE THEY RELATED TO DAT HAWAIIAN MAFI-

Boozy: KEEP QUIET! Are you trying to get shot? Okey... anyway... To my questions to the Mario looking person... What color is your mustache?

Flurrie: Dark Brown…. most sexy of colors.

Mario: What kind of stupid fucking question is that!? I should sue you for asking me such a retarded question like that you slimy hoebag!

Mario took off his glove and smacked her in the face with it.

Boozy: OW! Okay... Sorry. The strip club kept me up late last night...

Mario: What the hell do you have to strip off? Your a fucking boo! You have on bunny ear, sure. But still!

Boozy: Okay okay! I remember now... What is every1's least favorite color?

Flurrie: BLUE!

Mario: No. It's Yellow. I have never met 1 person who actually likes that piss poor color. I will pick brown or grey before I pick fucking yellow.

Koops: Hey! Datz mah favorite color G! And da color of dem coinz!

Mario: Well you don't count cause you have shitty taste.

Koops: Aww damn...

Boozy: Wow... Correct actually. You guessed the right password. Well I guess that checks out.

Mario: Stop rephrasing yourself and get to the point whore!

Boozy: Oh heh... Sorry. So to my point, you must be in touch with the Don of the Hawaiian Mafia right?

Goombella: Oh shit seriously!? Wow. Our answers were solely guessed by chance.

Mario: Well yeah! I'm fuckin Mario! Remember? Lucky shit happens to me all the time!

Boozy hovered over and opened the door heading upstairs to the Don's office.

Boozy: And please don't make any Godfather jokes. He will probably shoot you on sight the moment you even slightly referance it.

Mario: Uuhhh... Koops, you've never seen the Godfather before have you?

Koops: Uhhh… What's dat in da hat?

Mario: Okay good. We should be safe then.

Mario and his bombastic team walked up the stairs through some back alley ghetto shit, and into the Office of Don Pianta himself!

Koops: Wowwii! Were actually gon' meet some real gangsters up in da hood!

Mario: You... really shouldn't do any talking while you're on this rap kick around these guys. And in general. Just…. just stop talking. Please.

Flurrie: He's right Koops.

Koops: Aww shucky shucks...

As usual, Mario slammed the door with the might of his mighty hammer of being an asshole, the Hawaiian Mafia rose up and pulled out their guns.

**[The Don's office]**

The Don and the rest of his henchmen are a gang of 1950s styled Godfather seeming gangsters in white suits and glasses. They wore green hula skirts that Hawaiians stereotypically wear while wearing sunglasses. Well just look up "Pianta" if you haven't played Super Mario Sunshine. Its not hard. While the henchmen were the color Yellow, the Don happens to be Orange skinned and black suited with an Italian mobster like mustache and black Gurren Lagann looking sunglasses.

Don Pianta (Age 52): Looky here... Looks like we got a couple of wise guys who like to busts down da doors like some kind of barbaric lumberjacks... Hmm... If you got a beef with us, my men will gladly grind your bones and flesh into some angel hair pasta and have a couple of our pit bulls eat it and we'll burn them alive with your flesh inside of em. How does that sound eh?

Goombella: Mario!? Why the HELL would you knock down the door!? Don't you remember who we're dealing with!?

Mario: Yes. The Hawaiian fucking mafia. Do I look scared? Speaking of being so hawaiian? Why are you cucks sounding more Italian than anything else?

Kamehameha (Age 36): It's a lifestyle of choice bubbah! We da Hawaiian Mafia.

Bacon (Age 42): Ye. You got da problem with that, we can put da screws to yuh, yuh boneheads.

Goombella: Oh my god... We are so ded. We are so fucking ded.

Mario: What? You guys just look like a bunch of fucking retarded double knock offs. I grew up watching this bullshit mobster shit and I must say, this is sort of embarrassing.

Goombella: Mario! Stop insulting them. They have guns!

Mario: And I have a foot. And they have asses. So what's your point?

Don Pianta: Mmmmm... Ex-CUSE me!? You think dat shit is supposed to be funny? Are you tryin to be some kind of stand up comedy man!? HAHAHA! You tryin to make me laugh so hard, I pee myself? Or are you boys tryin' to give me a heart attack with my already enlarged heroin heart!? No. You scum kid! Who the hell do you think we are!? I'm Don Pianta! I make the U.S. Marine Corps weep! I mean, just give me a reason why I shouldn't have my boys shoot you here right in my office!?

Koops was distracted as he was looking up hentai of The Cleveland Show on his phone.

Flurrie: Oh.. this is getting so exciting...

Goombella started to shiver for her life knowing she can't run out the door or else shed get shot.

Mario: Because. I know the password. If you kill me, I'll just turn into a ghost and tell every1 so even the most illiterate most dysfunctional hobos can enter your office.

Bacon: Ay! I think this guys tryin to put the screws on us!

Kamehameha: Ya! Juss say da word boss and I'll shoot deez bozos!

Don Pianta: Hmmm... Know what? Call me crazy, but I think I actually like dis bozo and his crew.

Koops was then distracted by posting shitty self made rap quotes on Fuckbook thinking that his very few friends will like it.

Kamehameha: Whatchu say boss?

Bacon: Ye? Why a change of heart all the sudden?

Don Pianta: I'm a Don of a mafia gang. I'm supposed to enforce intense thrilling ironic scenes that don't make a lick of sense. You know,... building intense character. So I seem like the best acter of this movie. Its continuity.

Flurrie: This is making both holes of the mine extra wet!

Kamehameha: I think thats actually the exact opposite of continuity.

Don Pianta: Alright Alright! We get it wise ass! You mad cause you aint' Da Don! NOW CRAM A DOUGHNUT IN IT AND SHUT UP!

Don Pianta: Anyway... so tell me overalls, What brings you into my office actin all nuts and stuff?

Goombella: Well you see. Professor Frankly was saying you have connections to the Ghettoport blimp. We need it to go to Glitzville. We need the dedly star from there so we can open the ancient door under here to collect some treasure.

Mario: GOOMBELLA! Do NOT tell mobsters our plan! That is 1 of the worst things you can ever possibly do!

Koops started doing made up gang hand gestures for Mario to emphasize his words in an even more cringing way.

Goombella: WHAT!? Oh shit! What have I done! I'M SORRY! I FUCKED UP!

Don Pianta: Nah. We not really interested. It does sounds like a good haist though so I'll give yuh credit der.

Goombella: Well it's not really a heist. I'm just doing this for my summer school project at college for a scholarship.

Mario: And I'm trying to have sex with that Princess Peach bitch. Wait... If i'm trying to save the princess, then why didn't I just ask Robotnik who I clearly knew was part of the crew that clearly had Peach hostage where she is last chapture. I could have forced him to tell us so we'd find out. Then we wouldn't need to find the rest of the 7 stars. Or am I supposed to find the stars so I won't get executed? What the fuck is the main plot of this story again? Man. What the fuck did I get myself into..

Don Pianta: Well... whatever demented sugiation yuhz gotchoselves intoz, I don't care bout none of dat. Imma be honest witcchu, I can't help but like a guy who just so happens to be the main character of a story. I mean, If you died, we'd all cease to exist.

Mario: Okay. Now you're starting to over do the 4th wall jokes. Stop it.

Don Pianta: I'll tell you what though... I'll let you in on a little favor of mine. Do this, and I'll let you have 4 of our blimp tickets.

Flurrie: Mmmmm... I sure love the sound of where this is going…

Flurrie started to hover towards the Don with her lips puckered thinking she was in 1 of her pornos. The mafia men on instinct pointed their guns at Flurrie.

Kamehameha: HANDS OFF DA DON OR WE'LL SHOOT YOU YUH SICK BEAST!

Flurrie: Suit yourselves gentlemen...

Goombella: So uuhh... what... do you want from us?

Don Pianta: Well no need to fret. Just a minor task... You see... My gorgeous bbw shaped sexy daughter ran off with this scumbag assistant of mine. To put it lightly, I want you to assassinate him for me. Luckily, it hasn't been too long since they took off. I'm guessing they're still by da docks. You can't miss em! I mean, they're the only frikken other Piantas in this shitty town.

Koops: How you know yo!?

Don Pianta: Cause I might as well be this god forsaken town's mayor! Also, SHUT UP! You I don't like 1 bit.

Goombella: So hold on. You want us to assassinate 1 of your henchmen?

Don Pianta: Thats right. I had warned him not to try anything screwy with my daughter, that id have him sleeping with the Nibbleses if he did. It's bad enough I can't poke that, since she's my daughter and all, SO NO 1 WILL. And to put insult to injury, now he's runnin off with her to some kinda neverland ranch. I mean, fuck this guy right!? That's why I want him ded. Do da job for me, and you get da blimp tickets.

Mario: Sweet! I've always wanted to become a paid assassin! You got yourself a deal!

Bacon: Yo boss... You sure we can trust dis hazbin? I mean, he did break down your door after all.

Don Pianta: ZIP IT! Clearly, you chumptards are incapable of doing this task. So now I'm having these strangers do da job for us! You got any complaints about it, we take this matter outside.

Don Pianta: Anyway, if you have a hard time killing him and what not, let me take care of the matter personally. And if you don't, I can promise you ain't gon' like de results. Capeesh!?

Mario: Yeah sure I guess.

Mario: You know, i'm not gonnna get intimidated by fat Hawaiians that think they're Italian. But yes.

The 2 Pianta assistants held up their guns 1ce again.

Don Pianta: You got any more funny things to say comedy man? Cause I know how to deal with comedy men.

Mario: Alright alright whatever! Lets go team, before I call them out even more on their culturally confusing bullshit and get you guys killed.

**Chapture 4 - 8: Dumbass Deeds Done Dick Deep**

**[Ghettoport Docks]**

Mario and his gang of problem children have left the building on to do what that tacky lame AC/DC joke above what your reading is implying. They are now off to the docks. You know, the dock you haven't seen since chapture 1 - 3. Damn. Feels like a long time huh.

Koops: Ah yo Mario-O! That shit was shorty sho!

Mario: I... I don't think I can even understand what your saying anymore.

Goombella: Yeah Koops... I don't think you got this whole rap thing down at all...

Koops: I just need to step up mah game I gess! You'll see!

Mario: Please don't become a fucking wigger dude.

Koops: Haters gonna hate.

Flurrie: So Mario. How shall we plan to find this sexy daughter on the lamb?

Mario: Well you heard the cliche Don. Shes waiting for a boat by the docks. So we gotta go there, and hopefully NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME BY DOING STUPID SHIT! Like seriously!? Why the fuck is it taking this long to get to the bulk of the chapture!? Seriously! This town is fucking depressing! I wanna get the hell out of here!

Flurrie: It think this town is beautiful with its garbage odor, and its buildings smeared with vile fecal matter for the urbanites to gaze upon. Its giving me vaginal discharge just thinking about it! Wohohohohoooo….

Mario: Alot of this shit isn't even added for the sake of a couple yucks! No! The actual game HAD to put you through this shit too!

Goombella: I heard that IAMMASTER had the hardest time with this pre Glitzville bullshit more than any other part of the original game when TTYD 1st came out. It took him DAYS to get past this mini arc.

Koops: Well at least dat last sub chapture passed by pretty quickly.

Mario: Don't even get me started on how this is chapture 4 - 8 and how we're still in fucking Ghettoport.

Goombella: Guys! Enough breaking the 4th wall! Look! I think that Pianta couple over there might be who we're looking for.

Koops: Oh shiznit! We already up on dos docks!

Mario and his 3 wierdo partners tried sneaking up behind the fat Pianta couple in a very creepy cartoony like way while they stared off into space waiting for a boat ride.

While they were sneaking around to kill the Don's daughter's fiance, Koops impulsively smacked the daughter's Pianta ass in an awkward gangster wannabe like-

Francesca (Age 31): GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU LOW LIFE CREEP!

Francesca grabbed Koops by his nostrils and swung him into the water where he got bit by a Nibbles like how Luigi did. Only he landed in front of them: [1 Damage]

Frankie (Age 36): What da hell is wrong with you, yuh sick perverted turtle!? I outta use your shell as a bowl for the soup that will be made out of your flesh!

Mario: Damnit Koops! You spoiled our plans to assassinate the daughter's boyfriends! You fucking retard!

Goombella: Why would you smack a girl's ass without consent!?

Koops: Ah shucks G! I'm just trying to play dat shit like a real G! Tappin ass and takin names and shit!

Frankie: Excuse me Italian looking grease ball... Did you just say you were planning on assassinating me? What's da deal witchu bubbah?

Francesca: Who's hiring you to do this!?

Koops: Dat Don up in town! He all like "Man! Fuck dat assistant motha fucka! Man! You guys should kill dat fool for running off and banging my daughter!" So he had us G-Units doing it!

Mario: Dude, why are making us and them sound black? They're fucking Hawaiians trying to be gangsters like Al Koopone, not like some Crips and Blood bullshit.

Francesca: WAIT JUST 1 MINUTE! So are you saying that daddy hired you 4 to kill my boyfriend!?

Flurrie: That's the idea sweety.

Francesca: Oh No! I was worried that something like this would happen if we tried pulling this stunt...

Frankie: Yeah. I knew the boss would be pretty steamed at me. Uhh… Maybe we should try talking this whole shindig out and maybe we can change his mind.

Francesca: But Frankie! What if you get killed?

Frankie: Hush my honey buns of high cholesterol. We can't keep running forever. Do you know what your father is capable of? If we don't resolve this now, we'll most likely have to constantly be on the lamb for the rest of our lives! And what kind of life is that? Your big fat caboose deserve more than that!

Mario: Aren't we still supposed to kill him?

Goombella: I... I don't know. I'm just confused

Francesca: But Frankie, don't you love me?

Frankie: Well of course I do Butter Muff. Whats all this your doing? Some kind of guilt trip?

Francesca: Well if you wanna keep this hot body of mine, you'll do what I say. Even if it means running away! Do it, or NO SEX!

Frankie: But sugar clitterus, anything but that!

Goombella: Wait, so does he like, actually love her? Or is he just trying to have sex with her?

Mario: I don't think many people can understand the difference these days.

Francesca: Liston Frankly! Sorry, wrong character... I mean... Frankie! The more you try to put out the flames of love, the hotter they burn! They will burn until they become 1 with the stars. Enfusing cosmically with the sun and soon, the solar system itself! Our love will be seen from the farthest edges of the universe! The multiverse even! Our love will create the second big bang creating a whole new spectrum of life! And love!

Frankie: I think your getting way too ahead of yourself Honey Bunches and Orgasms. Thats gotta be the lamest quote I have ever heard.

Francesca: So you don't love me then huh?

Frankie: No! I do love you my lard of love!

Francesca: Then run! Run away with me so we can be happy!

Frankie: Alright! Fine! Sheesh!

Mario: This is getting retarded fast.

Frankie: Ay you! Screw ball with the goofy mustache! You know all that stuff you saw out here at da docks?

Mario: Yeah?

Frankie: FOGEET ABOUDIT! Seriously. If you don't, the boss will find us and kill me.

Mario: Well you see, this whole mission we have planned is bigger then your life asshole!

Mario pulled out his hammer in a threatening posture.

Goombella: Mario, what are you doing?

Mario: I'm putting an end to this sappy generic love story at 1ce! This has been long retarded long ago!

Flurrie: But Mario! These people are in love! Don't you want them to create sexy galactic fireworks in space when they make love!?

Mario: I don't give I flying fuck! I just met them and I'm already sick of them! I'll even kill the fucking daughter if I have to!

Goombella: But this is getting a little extreme for a blimp ticket. Maybe we can try finding another way!?

Mario: Why? So the Don can go after us next? Either this 1 Italian wannabe asshole goes down, or all 4 of us do! Either way like the boyfriend said, the Don will find him too. The logical decision is to KILL HIM so we can ride a fucking blimp!

Koops: Ah man homeboy, I say let dem fizzle dem nizzles togeda cuzz love be all fo rizzle rizzle. You know what they say, wibble jibble nacky nack biddally boop-ti-boop right MariYO!?

Mario: ... ALRIGHT! FUCK IT! FINE! We were never here then.

Francesca: Oh thank you! Thank you so much kind sir for sparing us!

Mario: I hope you get royally cucked bitch!

And so, Team M decided to say "screw it" to killing off the fat mustached Pianta's daughter's fiance and walked back to the Don's office to figure out a plan.

Goombella: Oh god! Now that we're not killing that guy, what are we gonna do now?

Koops: Yei! Now the Don is gonna go after us and take his caps and put the blap blaps to us!

Mario: Well, if you morons listened to me and let me kill him in the 1st place, we wouldn't be in this situation.

Goombella: Shouldn't we just try to hide or maybe we can even fight off the Don's henchmen.

Mario: Yeah, but that doesn't mean will get the blimp tickets.

Goombella: Well what do you suppose we do then?

While they were walking, a random twerk team of 3 troubled black 17 year old girls were standing in a triangle twerking in the middle of the town where everybody can see them.

Koops: WHOA! TWERKING! CHECK DAT SHIT OUT!

Flurrie: Mmmmm... look at those mud flaps dance! Such a feast for Flurrie's eyes I do say!

Goombella: Are those girls TRYING to get raped!?

Koops ran towards the team of twerkers for reasons I hope do not actually happen.

Goombella: So like I was saying, what do you suppose we do?

Mario: Well its simple. We lie to the Hawaiian Mafia, tell them we killed his assistant. If they believe us, they'll hand up blimp tickets, if not, we'll just kick all of their asses like you said. Who knows. Maybe we will find the blimp tickets that way knowing us.

Koops started pulling out Monopoly money from when they were waiting for Flurrie to wake up last chapture. He waved it at the Twerk Team trying too hard to pretend to be a pimp. This actually made the girls kind of uncomfortable.

Goombella: Yeah, but they have guns...

Mario: Have you seen our power levels lately? For fuck sakes, I got drilled in the face by a fucking drilldo and I turned out fine. I lost a few teeth, but still. We always survive. We Are Team M after all.

Goombella: I guess all we can really do is trust that logic then.

Goombella: KOOPS! Stop bothering the twerk team! We got shit to do!

Koops: In a minute G-Bella!

Koops slapped 1 of their asses in the hied of the moment. In response. 1 of the other girls used her amazing twerking powers to smack Koops far away with 1 of her stretchy buttcheeks. He got slammed to the wall next to the challenged team.

Koops: Oww... I just... wanted... to be…. a pimp...

Goombella: Well... Just so you know you kind of deserved that.

**[The Don's office]**

A few minutes later, they reached the office in which the Hawaiian Mafia lies.

Don Pianta: Well well well.. Looky here who showed up. The man with the stereotypical Italian child molester mustache and his crew of nimrods! So tell me, how dit go? How was de blood splatter?

Kamehameha: Yei. Did you have to dig up da ded body?

Bacon: Yei! We wanna know how grimy it was!

Don Pianta: And you betta give us da details cause we know if youz was pullin da fibs on us.

Goombella: Well... uhhh... Oh gosh... we'll,,,, what happened wa-

Mario: Well you see! Being the clever bastard that I am, I found him on the docks, so I snuck behind him and grabbed the pinetree on his head, then I ducked his head underwater where his face would get bitten up the the Nibbleses! You know? Those chain chomp piranha fish people remember from the game. Next thing I knew when I pulled his head out of the water, he was basically just a blood fountain and he was dedder than 2Pac. So then I just fucked his esophagus hole right in front of your daughter while my partners forced her to watch. To put it bluntly, she got Murder-Cucked! So she ran off crying for her daddy, but 1st she said she was going to go to the bathroom and you know how long bitches take in the fucking bathroom doing their business right!? Basically, thats our story. So are you gonna give us the blimp tix or what?

Koops: Yei! Dats how dat sheeit happened! *Uses shitty gang hand gestures*

Don Pianta: Hmmm... It's hard to tell whether to buy you guyses story or not, so I guess I does. Alright boys! Get these bozos 4 blimp tickets! They did a job well done!

Goombella: Oh thank fuck!

Flurrie: Yes! Let a fine adventure continue!

Francesca: Daddy! Wait!

Frankie: Boss!

Francesca and Frankly... I mean Frankie barged through the door path that used to have a door.

Mario: NOOOOO! You fucks blew my cover! Its okay! I can just kill him right here!

Don Pianta: Mmmm... Oh hai Frankie... I see you regenerated your head after that drowning Mario pulled on you... Look at you... Standing with your head hung low and your penis behind your legs like some kind of broad with a mangina.

Francesca: Please daddy! I don't care what you do to Frankie Wankie! He deserves it all for bein' disloyal! But you gotta forgive me. Forgive your own daughter, Daddy! That's all I ask.

Koops: Maaann... She gets to call her dad daddy!? I've been jipped!

Frankie: No, boss! Don't hurt me! Shes the 1 who said we should elope. It was HER! But I said no! I said we should come back and talk to you, boss!

Francesca: No, Daddy! It's all on him. It's his responsibility! All the blame, right there.

Frankie: No, Boss! No! No! No! Shes da bad 1. It's her fault! If you're going to punish anyone, punish her!

Francesca: Hey fuck you! Stop trying to blame me asshole!

Frankie: You started it! You've been controlling this engagement since It started yuh harlett!

Francesca: Screw you!

Flurrie: Ahh... Love is in the air!

Don Pianta: AAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTTTTTTTTTT! ENOUGHS ENOUGH!

Don Pianta: Francesca, my ever so fuckable daughter. You used up your last favore on that back alley boob job to help you through junior high. As for you Frankie. You were my best right hand man. You were like a son to me. So you can see why I find you sleeping with my baby angel just plain wrong. No manner how much even I would like to plow my own daughter too, it's still incest. God would probably turn my mushroom into a poison shroom of I performed such an act of coitis on my own daughter.

Mario: Can I still kill him!? I'll even make it look funny!

Don Pianta: Nah! Forget about it. At this rate, I don't wanna ever see my daughter ever again neithers. I don't even care for her anymore. Having my assistant killed over keeping my daughter single is just pure retarded at this point.

Kamehameha: Gee boss... What'ya suppose we do?

Bacon: Ye. What da plumber looking gentlemen said, I still wanna kill some1.

Don Pianta: I said forget about it! I hate my daughter and her terrible choice in men! I don't ever wanna see their ridiculous fat faces ever again! Go! Go gets married and knockeds up. See if I care! Maybe you'll get syphilic like my hero Al Koopone! I mean, Frankie does have that disease after allz!

Mario: This Don guy is making this plot really confusing.

Goombella: Yeah. Talk about 1 whimsical Don.

Francesca: I love you Daddy!

Frankie: Thank you so much for sparing me Mom... I mean, Boss!

Frankie: I'll do what it takes to make your daughter very happy. When we get married, we'll spend our honeymoon in Isle Delfino! I will buy her the island if I have to. Even if I have to go through shameful acts of donkey porn to make her happy!

Don Pianta: I don't care! Just get the fuck out of my office! Da boths of yuhz!

Frankie: Yes boss!

Francesca: Thank you so much daddy!

Frankie grabbed the Don's cheeks and awkwardly kissed his lips.

Don Pianta: GET OUT! NOW!

The 2 Piantas ran off before Don Pianta grabbed 1 of his shoes and tried throwing it at his daughter but missed her.

Goombella: Wow... that was... uhh... yeah... wow.

Mario: Goombella, just look up the words "Fucking" and "Retarded." I think those are the words you're looking for.

Don Pianta: *Sigh* That was emotionally exhausting... Liston up yuh team of schmucks, even though none of you actually killed my assistant and normally in the mafia game, I'd have all of your asses on a platter with a side of your genitals grinded up into spaghetti and meatballs, but since I think were all long done with this painful soap opera. I'll just get you all dos blimp ticket already. I'm sure de people reading dis story are getting really impatient with this whole obstacle course youz been going throughz since chapture 4 - 5. You all need to go to fucking Glitzville already.

Mario: Eh... It's fine. They can always read ahead. Its not like a video game where they have to play through all the bullshit to get to places.

The fat Hawaiian Don looked around at his desk for the tickets, but couldn't seem to find them. Oh shit...

Don Pianta: Hey! Where'd da blimp tickets go!?

Koops: You mean deez tickets!?

Koops put on a pair of shades he stole from 1 of the henchmen and held up the 4 tickets in front of the Don like a wannabe O.G.

Don Pianta: AY!? How'd you get my tickets!?

Koops: I stole them while youz was chattin' with your daughter! Yei I slapped the stank off dat ass earlier nigga!

Mario Goombella and Flurrie: ...

Don Pianta: ...

Bacon and Kamehameha: ...

Koops continued to do pathetic ghetto gangsta wigger poses while having a big ass wigger grin...

Koops: Yo! So Mario was tellin me about dis Godfather movie! You heard of it?

Mario: ... KOOOOOOPS! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME YOU STUPID FU-

Don Pianta: KILL THEM!

Kamehameha and Bacon pulled out their guns and started shooting at the painfully stupid team of M. Luckily, this is a cartoony fictional story. So that means the Mafia kept missing them giving them enough time to run out the door path with the tickets and no casualties.

Kamehameha: WE MISSED!

**[The Blimp Deck]**

Mario and his party ran off and reached the blimp deck unharmed whatsoever. Apparently the Hawaiian Mafia didn't feel like chasing them. I think the Don has some kind of bipolar disorder like issue where he changes his plans whether to kill people or not in last minute.

Koops: Yei! We did it! We sure showed their a$$es huh!?

Mario: ... Did you really have to do EVERY SINGLE THING YOU POSSIBLY COULD HAVE DONE WRONG AT 1CE!?

Goombella: Yeah seriously. He was gonna give us the blimp tickets you know.

Koops: We didn't know that fo sure G-Bella! What if he burned dem tix into a shizzle!?

Goombella: Do NOT call me G-Bella ever again bastard.

Mario: This rap phase of yours almost had us killed asshole. At this rate, you'd have to double your intelligence to even be severely retarded.

Flurrie: Even I may be a little more drier than normal from your buffoon like behavior.

Koops: Ah shiznit! It's all swag Flurr Flurr. Want me to start rapping to make y'all feel better?

Mario: JUST GIVE ME THE TICKETS!

Mario grabbed Koops' arm tightly and smacked him in the face. Then he grabbed the tickets out of his hands. Then he pushed him on the ground on his side.

Koops: DAMN! YOU JUMPED ME YO!

Then Mario drop kicked him on his side.

Mario: I'll do it again if you don't shut up!

Goombella: I'm... actually not mad at Mario for doing that this time.

The ticket guy for the blimp happened to be a Cheep Cheep with a degrading train ticket platform hat.

Blimp Ticket Puncher Loser with a low income job and a studio apartment (Age 29): Hi! Are you 4 heading to Glitzville?

Mario: Oh shit! How long were you standing here?

Blimp Ticket Puncher Loser with a low income job and a studio apartment: Ah don't mind me. This stuff happens all the time in Ghettoport. I'm just trying to do my job. Thats all.

Mario: Thats a relief. You know what to do! Get our asses on that blimp!

Mario pointed to the giant helium filled condom called "blimp" while holding up his tickets. Yes. Thats what the blimp will look like in this story.

Blimp Ticket Puncher Loser with a low income job and a studio apartment: You got it! Just pass this gate right here behind me and grab a seat. Your flight will take off shortly.

The strange team of 4 started walking to the blimp.

Mario: Wow! This part was actually fairly simple! I think shit from here on out is going to flow by much easily with far less problems!

Goombella: You can say that again!

Koops: So we aint gonna ask dat guy how he gets paid if dat blimp don't' make no do!?

Mario: Don't think too much about it. It's just a minor plot hole. Get over it.

As Team M walked in the platform under the blimp, that random balloon obsessed homeless guy stood next to them smelling like rabies mixed with salmonella.

Random Hobo: Hai. Are you all riding the balloon too?

Mario gripped the top part of his nose near his eyebrows in stress and frustration due to who he was standing next to.

Mario: Oh god noooooooo... Not this piece of fucking shit again.

Random Hobo: I like balloons. I think they're fun!

Mario: HOW DID THIS SMELLY HOMELESS RETARD GET A TICKET SO EASILY!?

Random Hobo: Do you like riding balloons too!?

Mario: ALRIGHT! I'VE MADE UP MY MIND! FUCK THIS! WE'RE FINDING ANOTHER WAY TO GET TO GLITZVILLE!

Flurrie: Wait! Mario! I have an idea!

Flurrie: Every1 Grab my Boob!

Mario, Goombella, and Koops Grabbed Flurrie's left boob.

Goombella: Eww...

Flurrie: TO GLITZVILLE!

Flurrie and friends flew away off to the direction of Glitzville with Mario and the rest of the Team grabbing her saggy veiny ass cans abandoning the blimp entirely. If any of them let go of her, they will die... forever!

Goombella: So WHY DIDN'T WE DO THIS FROM THE START!?

Mario: Incase you haven't noticed, its because were fucking retarded!

**Chapture 4 - 9: Shitz Titz and Clitz!**

**[Glitzville]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 22nd, 2004. It is 12:36 AM, partially cloudy and 69 Degrees F.]_

Goombella: But you do know how much time we wasted when we could have done that all along right!?

Mario: Are you still on that shit? We're here!

Flurrie landed the gang of morons on the plateau of the floating castle- I mean... Dojo. There were food courts everywhere and other kinds of industrialized concepts. In the far back of the floating man-made island was the dojo itself with the Chain Chomp above the doors making the dojo look scary. Oh wait. I explained that in the map update. Thanks to everything smelling like fast food, tons of drunk families with their drunk ass kids were walking around mindlessly trying to stuff their faces with just about any gross edible thing they can find laying around. Hey, Ever wonder how Glitzville can find all of the fossil fuel to make this small city float? Like, holy fuck.

Goombella: This is TOTALLY crazy! I never thought I would ever stand on a floating island in my life! I mean, wow! You're probably used to it Mario, but still!

Mario: Well you have. It's called a planet!

Flurrie: Now where can we find this Gloryhole business... My cooter is curious...

Mario: In a little bit. Let's get something to eat 1st before we find that star.

Goombella: Yeah. We have to consume more than just beer for 1ce.

Koops: Yo! Whatya think this next star is called?

Goombella: Since we're going by the 7 dedly sins. So far, we have **Wrath and Envy**. I bet this 1 is the star of pride.

Mario: Maybe it's gluttony this time.

Koops: I think it's the star of player hating!

Goombella: That's...definitely not a dedly sin... That's just dumb. Very, very, dumb.

Mario: Lets just go get some fucking food. I'm starving

Koops: I say we should grab some Mickey D's.

Goombella: Mickey D's what's that?

Mario: He means McDonalds. He's just saying it all retarded like.

Goombella: WHOA! We can't eat there!

Koops: Wait. Why not?

Goombella: Because! Haven't you seen that documentary talking about the chemicals they use for their food now!? Its really bad for you!

Flurrie: No.

Goombella: I'm telling the truth! See look!

Goombella pointed to the Glitzville McDonald's where Morgan Spurlock (Age 34) was seen buying a Big Mac.

McDonald's cashier (Age 20): That will be 8 coins.

Morgan Spurlock: Here you go!

McDonald's cashier: Thank you. Have a good day.

Morgan Spurlock: You too.

Morgan Spurlock took the 1st bite of his Big Mac and the skin of his tongue started to boil along with the rest of his mouth.

Morgan Spurlock: A- AA-AAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKHGBVKSDLBSDJKVBSDFJKSDBSDJKVBSDJVSDBDSJKGBSDVJBDBSD!

The rest of his body started to bubble and he eventually disintegrated in a very gory way.

Goombella: See!? They actually use hydrochloric acid nowadays!

Flurrie: Oh dear!

Mario: Holy fuck! I'm never eating at McDonald's again!

Koops: DAYAMN! Don't that like, kill their customers and shit!?

Goombella: They don't care! They're McDonald's!They're an evil corporation that just wants to make coins!

Mario: Jesus fuck! I never thought I would say this, but now I kind of wanna grab a Smoothie or something.

Goombella: Yeah! Like, no kidding! Wanna go to that Jamba Juice over there?

Koops: Heel YEAH!

They entered the Jamba Juice with a female toad in a blackwork smock and pink spotted toad hat and a blonde streak of hair at the counter.

Mario: I wonder where the dedly star is?

Goombella: I wouldn't talk about that so loudly, you never know who can hear you.

Mario: Speak for yourself miss. giveawayourplottomobsters.

Jocy (Age 32): What can I get for you?

The team browsed through the menu like normal people for 1ce figuring out what the hell they were going to get.

Goombella: Uhh... wow. I've never been to 1 of these places before. Come back to me.

Mario: Alright I'll just go next. K lets see... Get me a large Shroom Shake Supreme.

Koops: Imma get 1 of dem medium star crazy star shakes!

Jocy: Wait! Are you all paying together or separate?

Mario: Together.

Goombella: Alright I know what I'm getting now. I think I'll have a trippy flower frenzy.

Flurrie: And I'll have anything without pineapple. It would ruin the sublime smell of Flurrie's wonderful pusswah. Let the smoothie be... a mystery.

Jocy: Allllrright...Is that all?

Mario: Yes.

Jocy: Alright. That will be 18 coins.

Mario: God this place a fucking riff off! Fine.

Mario payed the lady and recieved the 4 shakes he had paid for.

Koops: Ay Mario, doncha gotta tip dat biatch?!

Mario: Oh hehe... Whoopsies. I almost forgot.

Mario suddenly pulled down his overalls and underwear exposing his greasy fucking genitals.

Mario: By the way, I got a tip for you right here! THE TIP OF MY PENIS!

Goombella: MARIO! PUT THAT SHIT AWAY! NOW!

Mario: What? Koops wanted me to tip her, so I showed her the tip of my dick! Thats what he meant right!?

Jocy: AAHH! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY!

Mario: secure this!

Mario used his Mario dick as a whip and smashed all of the blenders like the fucking stretchy fuckhole he is.

Mario: I show her the tip of my penis and this is the thanks I get!? Fuck this place! Lets go! We're never going back to Jamba Juice again!

They left the store forgetting that ever happened. Aren't video games funny like that?

Koops: Yo! I'm starting to wonder how there's all these people out here walkin' n' shit! Do they have some kinda connects with the Don yo? Fo rizzel!

Mario: Yeah. I'm starting to think any1 can just buy tickets at Ticketmaster. Now I feel dumber.

Goombella: Yeah. That, or they're like, super rich or something. Like, so rich, that they flew their jet planes here or something. Hehe.

Mario and his strange friends started noticing a random rich Bob-omb family of a mom, dad, and son.

Bub (Age 9): Hey daddy! Daddy! I wanna Hot Dog! I wanna Hotdog now daddy! And I wanna eat it!

Goldbob (Age 55): No son.

Bub: But WHY NOT!?

Goldbob: Because you don't have a mouth son.

Bub: Aww man! I forgot!

Sylvia (Age 53): Mmm... I must say. We better head inside before we miss the big fight for the championship!

Goldbob: Mmm... Indudibly. I concur. So far these Glitzville parts seem a bit on the tawdry side I do say, what ever that word means. Or maybe I should buy out that Hotdog stand next to us and turn it into a chain where we add nicotine to the recipe to make every 1 addicted to our hotdogs so we can make even more money.

Sylvia: Sayy... I'm started to feel rather unsettled with these 4 goons hovering over us listening to our conversation.

Goldbob: Lets go inside. If they follow us, we can just call the police.

Sylvia: Indudidudibly.

Koops: Wow! Dat shit be rude yo! Wacker Jackerz boy!

Goombella: Well, thats rich folks for yuh.

Flurrie: Guys, is it me, or was it hard not to eyeball that child of theirs...

Goombella: Oh come on Flurrie! Don't be a fucking pedophile! You're already a shitty enough character as it is!

Flurrie: MMmmm Indeed I am... Get used to it.

Koops finally got an email.

Koops: Ah jizz! Its mah daddy-yo! What he want!?

_"Kooply: How's getting laid Koops?_

_Holy crap son! This Facebook business is amazing! Much better than writing a letter in pen and whatnot! It's quick! I can't believe how much has changed since I was vaginally swallowed by that dragon!_

_Anyway, I've been freaking amazing, I've been getting drunk, smoking wildflowers, polishing my penis before I screw some random broads I never call back. Don't be surprised if you have any half brothers out there in about 9 months or so! Hehe. ...Yeah... this town seemed boring 10 years ago when there was a flying dragon. And now that it's gone, IT'S STILL BORING! but since I've been out of that dragon, It made me realize how I really miss all kinds of pussy. It feels good to resume my mission of fucking every female species on the planet. Like, this 1 time, I had sex with this 1 Pokey. Basically, the husband went up to me while I was drunk and rolling in a cheap bar. Hes all like, "YO! You have got to fuck my girlfriend! She's uber hawt. So I did! On top of a fucking church may I add. I fucked her cactus like vadgelly so hard, I didn't even care that my dick was so fucked up and bleeding from the cactus splinters! I had to use my own blood as lube! That only means she'll get aids right? So I'm like, HAHA! I gave you aids bitch! What now!? SO then she called the cops and she said I raped her. Totally ignoring the fact that I gave her aids. So the cops tried beating me with nightsticks. So I just hid in my shell and when they least expected it, I popped out and I started beating the cops to deth with my spikey splintery dick! So far, there haven't been any other cops coming after me since. I heard the boyfriend was pretty pissed though. Which is weird cause he was the 1 who initially gave me permission to Derail her. When you come back, I wanna hear all about your crazy sex stories! Don't let me down by turning into some lame Koopa wigger alright!? Aah ha ha ha!_

From, Kooply

Koops: Ah damn My K-Daddy must really miss my ass! Maybe I should send him some of my poetry I've been writing in my head huh!?

Every1 else: NOOOOO!

Goombella: If you want your dad to still love you, DON'T WRITE BACK TO HIM UNTIL YOU GROW OUT OF YOUR SHITTY RAP PHASE!

Koops: It's a way of Life G-Bella!

Goombella jumped on Koops knocking him on his back.

Goombella: And stop calling me tha!

Dupree: Bonjour voir ma belle chou..

Goombella: Oh no! Not this creep again!

Mario: How the fuck did he get here?

Dupree: Ho ho ho. Mon élégante chienne. Que dites-vous nous abandonner ces nouveaux amis et avoir des relations sexuelles et sur le dessus du dojo Gloryhole.

Goombella: Would you just fuck off! I don't have time to put up with weird sexual bullshit!

Flurrie: Hey there baby. How about we ride each other like donkeys and attack each other's asses violently with our tongues.

Goombella: You understand french too?

Mario: Of course she does. She's a famous porn star.

Goombella: Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?

Dupree: Eh bien. Pourquoi si elle est pas le célèbre Cumulia (Cumulia is Flurrie's name in French. Look it up and prove me wrong (haha. CUMulia)). Aimeriez-vous faire du parachutisme pendant que nous baiser comme un couple de porcs cornées et Towering Eiffel.

Flurrie: Hey guys. What does he mean by Eiffel Towering?

Goombella: I have no idea.

Mario: It's really obvious.

Koops: Yo I get it! It's when-

Mario: Save it Koops. Its funnier cause girls really have no idea what Eiffel Towering means.

Flurrie: My... I may know just about every sex term out there, but what ever is this Eiffel Towering you speak of?

Dupree: Vous voyez, Towering Eiffel est lorsque vous-

Mario: Alright! I'm bored of this shit now!

Mario took his hammer and violantly whacked Dupree with a piercing blow knocking 1 of his arms off.

Dupree: NoOoOoOoOoOoOo ! Mon putain de bras!

Mario: Now get lost!

Mario picked up Dupree and carried him like Donkey Kong in Smash Bros and chucked him off Glitzville. Will he survive? Who knows.

Goombella: How are none of the people walking around phased by this!?

Flurrie: No! Hes ded! I was gonna film pre-destined banned porno with him!

Mario: Well if it makes you feel better, here's his arm. Maybe you can finger yourself with his sebbard arm.

Mario handed Flurrie the sebbard arm like it was no big deal.

Flurrie: Awww... Thank Mario!

Mario: No problem. Now can we get back to the fucking adventure already!?

After all that misheff, Team M arrived in the lobby of the Glitzville Gloryhole; a hole for glory and nothing more...

Koops: Damn! This place be huge! Liek mah dick.

Goombella: *Sigh* We went over this. Your dick is 5.49 inches long remember!?

Koops: When it's soft!

Goombella: No Koops. When it's hard... You're on the small side. Deal with it.

Koops: At least I have a dick!

Mario: Yeah, but your a FUCKING PUSSY! No where's the fucking star?

Goombella: It doesn't look like it's around here.

Flurrie: Maybe it's behind those big vadgelly looking doors over there?

Goombella: But doesn't that lead to the arena or something?

Koops: Don't we otta gotta pay for dem tix to see some trix?

Mario: You see an usher around here? Lets just check inside. If not, I can just smash the engines and sink this floating island killing every1 and everything. That way, we can just look through the rubble and find the star no problem!

Goombella: Yeah... Lets just go through the door and hopefully the star isn't being used as like, the champion's belt ornament of something. lol.

The dumb team entered the loud arena where Mario and the strange heroes were encountered by the obnoxious roars of drunkened spectators. Some of them managed to get distracted over the fact that Mario's right fucking there!

Mario: So this is what it's like inside the glory hole huh?

Max (Age 13): HOLY CRAP! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!

Cass (Age 27): OMG LOOK! ITS MARIO!

Michael (Age 39): I WANNA RAPE YOU SO BADLY!

Jake (Age 31): IS THAT RON JEREMY!?

Brent (Age 33) HE SMELLS LIKE PISS!

Ryan (Age 46): HEY MARIO! PUNCH ME REALLY HARD IN THE FACE!

Dan (Age 16): PLAY WITH MY BUTT!

Nick (Age 25): MARIO! HEY MARIO! OVER HERE! CAN YOU SIGN MY BALLS!?

The random fan pulled down his own pants to exposing his ball sack for Mario.

Mario: How about this.

Mario kicked the guys balls instead.

Nick: OUCH! EVERY1! I JUST GOT MY BALLS KICKED BY MARIO! #MARIOKICKEDMYBALLSEVERY1! #MARIOKICKEDMYBALLSEVERY1!

Will (Age 39): MARIO! CAN YOU HELP ME WIPE!?

Alexis (Age 34): MARIO! CAN YOU FART ON MY BABY!? LEMME GET MY CAMERA 1ST!

Chris (Age 69): SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IS WAY BETTER!

Matthew (Age 21): ZELDA!1

Thomas (Age 24): SMELL MY FINGER!

Cory (Age 35): MARIO! CHECK OUT THIS HENTAI I MADE OF YOU! YOU LIKE IT!?

Mario: I don't fucking believe this shit.

Aaron (Age 47): HAY MARIO! I WROTE A SONG FOR YOU! WANNA HEAR IT!? IT GOES LIKE, MARIO MARIO MARRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOO! MARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, MAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOO! MAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIII- BLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Aaron Puked beer + stomach vile on Mario's shirt.

Mario: YOU BITCH!

Alex (Age 24): MARIO GIVES ME AIDS!

Chase (Age 42): O GEEZ! MARIO! IM SO NERVOUS!

Kelly (Age 18): BRING BACK YOUR OLD DOWN B MOVE IN SMASH BROS!

Frank (Age 22): PAPER MARIO STICKER STAR WAS AN INSULT TO MY CHILDHOOD AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

Frank spat on Mario's face.

Frank: AND TELL MIYAMOTO TO LEAVE THE STORY WRITING TO FUCKING INTELLIGENT SYSTEM! IF HE'S GONNA COMPLAIN ABOUT STORIES BEING IN VIDEO GAMES, THEN HE SHOULDN'T MAKE RPG GAMES IN THE 1ST PLACE!

Mario: This... is getting annoying fast. Lets go before I kill all of my asstarded fans in here.

Koops: Wait a sec YO! I'm diggin this fight! These moves are tight!

Koops pointed to the fight directing the team to pay attention to the fight. A giant overgrown retarded conary who thinks he's a Hawk on steroids with a black speedo who has a low functioning John Cena complex beating the crap out of a Koopa shaped scary looking robot who likes to rip off Arnald Aschwartsnagger by calling himself "The Koopinator"

Rawk Hawk (Age 27): ALRIGHT LADES AND DJENTS! CHECK YOUR WATCHES AND TELL ME,

WHAT TIME IT IS!?

The Audience: 1:03 PM!

Rawk Hawk: NO GOD DAMNIT! ITS RAWK O' CLOCK! AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! IT'S TIME FOR THIS WIMP TO FEEL THE RAWK! WITH ME! KICKING HIM IN THE CAWK!

Rawk Hawk jumped in the air and viciously wrapped his legs around the Koopinator (Age 36) causing him to fall on his back. Then he proceeded in an act of overkill by curb stomping his fucking balls.

Koopinator: OW!

Mario: OH THAT SHIT LOOKS SO STAGED!

The speakers blasted the sound of a distorted power chord in an E flat tone. What? Does any1 else reading this play guitar?

Rawk Hawk: THATS RIGHT YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! I WIN! YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF FOR BEING SUCH A STINKING LOSER FAGGOT LOSER! NEXT TIME YOU FIGHT ME, YOU BETTER THINK AGAIN UNLESS YOU WANNA GET RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKEEEEED BRAH! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA! I BET YOU DECIDED TO HAVE SOME GAY ASS SEX IN THE LOCKER ROOM INSTEAD OF DOING YOUR PUSH UPS AND SIT UPS! THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO GAY! DO YOU EVEN LIFT!? CALL ME UNCLE RAWK HAWK CAUSE I FUCKED YOU MOM WITH MY RAWKIN HAWKIN GLAWKIN CAWK! NOW GET OUT OF HERE YOU... YOU ... UHHHHH... GAY LORD! YEAH! I'M RAWK HAWK!

Goombella: This guy is a fucking dick-farmer. And that monolog dragged on way too long.

The Host of the Glory Hole Vince McMa- I meant... Grubba (Age 59) the fat purple big lipped cowboy talking fish duck penguin turtle dinosaur thing with Ozzy Osbourne's Shades, red pony tail, tuxedo for people who do alot of cocaine only, and manly fedora, and a neckbeard stepped onto the ring where he declared Rawk Hawk as the new champion.

Grubba: YIIIHAAA! LOOK LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A NEW CHAMPION IN THE ROOTIN' TOOTIN' GLORYHOLE! SO TELL US, WHAT ARE YER THOUGHT OF THIS CHAMPION SHIT TONIGHT!?

Rawk Hawk: MAN! NO 1 CAN BEAT ME! THAT FIGHT WAS A JOKE CAUSE I'M THE BEST! LIKE NO 1 EVER WAS, OR WILL BE! MAYBE IF THOSE WUSSES YOU CALL "FIGHTERS", WEREN'T SO FUCKING GAY *shakes ass*, THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE ME BREAK A SWEAT! THATS RIGHT! YOU MESS WITH RAWK HAWK, YOU GET PERCHED! WANNA KNOW WHY!? CAUSE I RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!

Rawk Hawk did a flip in the air and played a little air guitar trying very hard to emphasize his "awesomeness." Then he pointed at the camera implying that he's talking to the audience.

Rawk Hawk: YOU WEAKLINGS MIGHT AS WELL STICK TO READING FAN FICTION, OK? CAUSE I'LL HURT YOU...BY PUSHING YOU! YEAH! 1 RULE CAUSE IM THE CHAMPION! RAWK HAWK IS THE CHAMP! HARDYHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAR! RAWK HAWK STYLE!

Goombella: Will this guy stop going on lame tangents already!?

Mario: I bet you 1,000,000 coins I can kick his ass.

Grubba: Ho ho ho! Sorry. I didn't mean to make my laugh sound like Santa... ANYWAY, HERE'S THE CHAMPION'S BELT PASSED DOWN FOR ALMOST 10000000000000 YEARS!

Grubba ripped off the champion belt from the Koopinator's... MOUTH, and handed Rawk Hawk the belt in which he narcissistically raised in the air as if he was some kind of champion in a wrestling match. ... Oh wait a minute... shit. Also as Goombella predicted and going by the game itself the Star of **Greed** was used as the ornament for the champion belt...

Koops: HOD UP MARIO! LOOKY LOOKIDY LOOK LOOK! DAT RAWKA FLAWKA HAWKA GUY'S GOT DAT ... uhh... THE STAR WE LOOKIN' FOR!

Flurrie: I knew it'd be in there!

Mario: Holy shit! That's the quickest we've ever spotted the star! That was easy! Alright, let me make my way through the crowd and kick his ass!

Goombella: No Mario!

Mario: What's wrong with you now?

Goombella: Think about it. You have at least 10,000 drunk audience members surrounding us. We might be a kick ass team, but were not gods.

Mario: You really take the fun out of this shit don't you. We'll how the fuck else are we supposed to get the star? I guess we can sneak in his room, tie him up, and steal the belt for ourselves.

Goombella: Why would we need the belt with it?

Mario: The Star! You get the idea!

Koops: I gotz an idea homies!

Mario: Not now Koops!

Koops: I say we get our asses in that tournament and cap their asses till we hop to da top.

Mario: Do you realize how long that is going to take if we do that!? I don't think the readers are gonna wanna sit around and read the entire story if we do. I don't think IAMMASTER wants to write some montage of us beating every1 with Live to Win by Paul Stanley playing.

Koops: What if their asses just skipped through that shit then? You know, read what you feel like reading?

Mario: Okay fine. We'll just kick all of their asses then. It doesn't seem that hard if that Cawk Rawk thing is champion. Besides, we probably need to find some kind of way to level up anyway.

Flurrie: Maybe we'll get a new sexy partner along the way...

Mario: Fuck. I hope not. Lets just figure out who to talk to so we can pretend to be fighters so we can take the star and go. Well I guess we're gonna be known as famous wrestlers even though it'd be smarter to keep a low profile knowing those X-Nazis are still probably after us. So... you all really wanna do this champion shit?

Goombella Koops and Flurrie: YEAH!

Mario: *sigh* Alright... Just so you know, this a really retarded idea.

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

HEY! WANNA GET LAID LIKE A CHAMP!? THEN TRY SPRINTING DOWN TO DICKHEAD'S SPORTING GOODS AND BUY A CAN OF RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY! WITH THIS BAD BOY, YOU CAN SMELL JUST LIKE RAWK HAWK GETTING YOU 100+ BITCHES AN HOUR! YOU CAN SMELL GOOD WHILE YOU BEAT UP THOSE NERDS OUT IN THE PARKING LOT!

Rawk Hawk: SUP LOSERS! I'M RAWK HAWK! AND IF YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE A MAN, THEN TRY SPRAYING SOME OF MY RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY ON YOUR CHEST AND KNAWK OUT YOUR NEIGHBORS LIKE A REAL MAN WHILE YOU PUT THE CAWK IN YOUR WIFE! WHILE HAVING A SWARM OF CHICK CATTLE ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE! ONLY A GAY PERSON WOULD RESIST THIS!

A CAN OF RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY? MORE LIKE, A WHOLE NEW CAN OF WHOOP ASS! RAWK HAWK BODY SPRAY! BUY SOME NOW!

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

**Chapture 4 - 10: Blow My Load in the Gloryhole!**

Meanwhile as the dumbass team began finding the head honcho of Glitzville not realizing that they should at least ask him to see the star to explain their research event. Maybe they won't buy it. Or maybe they will if they see some proof by seeing the other 2 stars. Or maybe they still won't buy it. Who knows. Thats up for debate. GETTING BACK ON TRACK, lets see where they're off to!

Mario and his team reached another door with a blue oval shaped security guard who dresses like he's in Men in Black.

Securitim (Age 32): What do you punks want?

Koops: Yo, mah name is Koops and i'm here tuh say, we wanna become wrestlers in the day!

Mario: Let me handle this Koops! Hey security retard, is this the way to that purple big lipped thing's office?

Securitim: Hmmm... What's in it for you bubba?

Mario: Well get this. We're trying to become fighters right now. So can you please move before I flatten your face with my hammer of god?

Securitim: You wanna become fighters? 1st of all, you have to notify Grubba for an appointment. Also, you just threatened me. I'm thinking I should have you 4 kicked out before anything dangerous happens.

Mario: We can bribe you.

Securitim: What are you saying?

Mario: I'm saying maybe you can be treated in ... you know... ways that may or may not involve fornication.

Securitim: Nice try. I may be bribable. In fact very bribable, very bribable, but there's no way any of you are hot enough to bribe me sexually.

Mario:I see... ... NOW FLURRIE!

Flurrie tackled the security guard and pinned him down on the ground about to smooch him. He struggled as she was perking up her chapped lips and snot running down her nose.

Securitim: AAAAHHHHHHHH! HALP! GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!

Mario: Yeah... that bribe may have been a bit unclear. You see, unless you don't want this steaming ugly smelly cloud thing to rape you, you will open the door and take us to what's his face's office.

Securitim: AAAAHHHHHHH! LIKE HELL I'M LETTING YOU THROUGH

Flurrie started kissing and licking his face while dry humping him.

Securitim: ALRIGHT FINE! YOU WIN! I'LL WALK YOU ALL TO THE OFFICE!

Mario: Thats better.

Flurrie got off of Securitim as he opened the door and guided them to Grubba's office.

Koops: Yo G-Bel- I mean... Goombella, does my finger smell weird?

Goombella: Get away from me.

Flurrie: I'll smell it!

Flurrie took a whiff of Koops' finger.

Flurrie: My my...

Securitim: Okay. Were here.

Securitim opened the door where Grubba was seen doing a line of cocaine.

Grubba: WHOA! Who in tarnation are you doing here sonny boy? And who the hell let you in?!

Securitim: They bribed me sir.

Grubba: You're fired.

Grubba pulled out his redneck pistol and shot the Securitim in the forehead.

Goombella: JESUS FUCK! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT!

Koops: Holy thug life yo!

Grubba: Anyway enough of that jib jab, who the hell are you 4? Why are you all in my office without an appointment? And why shouldn't I use you all as target practice with my loaded pistol from my rootin tootin' chair?

Mario: Rootin tootin... chair...

Goombella: We're here to become fighters on the Glitzville Glorything.

Mario: I'm surprised you of all people don't find this idea dumb Goombella.

Grubba: What's that? You cats wanna be fighters you say? Well, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!? Ever since our Rawk Hawk became champion 5 minutes ago, our ratings have been bursting through the roof! Which means more doh! I say keep that moolah trainacoming!

Mario: Can I have some of your cocaine?

Grubba: So I have to ask! Are you wishin to competing in the big leagues? Are you in it for the glory, the glam, the bitches, whats your motive?

Koops: We'll you see, we're not really in it to fight no people, we just want dat star you have on dat bling ass belt-

Mario silenced Koops by covering up his mouth with hand.

Mario: WHAT KOOPS is trying to say is yes! We're in it cause we're fucking horny! Or some shit.

Grubba: Well HOO-WEE! I'm SQUEALING LIKE A PIGGAY! I like that motto! You know, despite none of you having no fighting resume, it looks like you guys are gonna do just fine.

Mario: No resume!? Do you know who the fuck I am?

Grubba walked over to Mario and rested his hand on his shoulder awkwardly.

Grubba: Well lemme give it to yuh straight.

Mario casually grabbed Grubbah's arm to take his hand off of him.

Grubba: Back in my youngin days, I was poor as shit. I mean, most kids had a toilet to defecate in. We didn't. We had to compensate by using our fat mom as a shitter to shit on. We didn't know anything about going outside or ever using a corner. That was our only option. I had no concept of coins, material, 401K, none of that. I was that kid that would pick on nerdy nancy boys in school by pinning them down and making them do things to turn them gay, like giving them wet willies with my tongue, or give them titty twisters with my teeth, or giving them swirlies while I raped them in the bathroom stall. I got expelled from school cause of that and starting fight clubs and winning all the time. And thats when I decided that real winners such as myself don't need to finish junior high. For the rest of my teen years, I just fed my appetite for my talent of beating up gay nerdy kids and huffing cat piss in a paper lunch bag all day. Then that's when I realized something: I HAVE A SHEER TALENT FOR DOING THIS! So in my adult years, I joined many many fighting tournaments and I never lost 1ce. I became so rich and so famous from it, I decided after snorting enough heroin to kill 1000 Elvises, that I would hire a bunch of Asians and Mexicans to build me a FLOATING CITY IN THE SKY DEDICATED FOR FIGHTING! I launched it in 1989! So I decided to say, "screw fighting" and I retired so I can live off my riches and be a fat cat for the rest of my life. And so, I learned that the secret in life is BEING RICH AND FAMOUS! It's proven that being rich is proof of how great you are! HOT DIGGITY! I'M SET FOR LIFE! YEE HAA!

Grubba pulled out 2 pistols and started hopping on his chair while shooting the ceiling like Yosemite Sam.

Goombella: This guy's scaring me...

Mario: Why did we need to know all of that?

Flurrie: Well I think it's a wonderful story.

Grubba: Well long story short, if you dream big, you get big! Thats how winners win!

Mario: Okay. Calm down Charlie Sheen.

Grubba: That's the fighting spirit chief! Now come walk with me, let me give you pups the tour.

Koops: Wait... Are we cats, or dawgs!?

Goombella: They're just expressions dumb ass.

Grubba walked the problem team out of his office and gave them a quick tour of some of the other rooms.

Grubba opened the door to the champion's room. Need a description? Well you have a golden luxurious room reeking of axe body spr-... I mean RAWK HAWK body spray with a bunch of unopened presents filled with cocaine teddy bears from the drug cartels and I think there's a ded prostitute that died from suffocating inside the wrapped up box. You got a king sized bed made out of majical gold tiger skin. Maybe from the legendary Pokemon; Raikou was skinned for it. Who knows. Wait, where's Rawk Hawk? Probably beating up some random gay guy in the parking lot for looking at his speedo area for too long.

Grubba: This right here is the dang ol' champion's room. Mmmm... Smell that shit?

Mario, Koops, and Goombella did that thing that people do where they hold up their shirts to cover up their noses over the intoxicating smell of axe body spray.

Mario: You call this the fucking champion's room!? Its a fucking gas chamber from the holocaust!

Grubbah: Yes! This room sure is the apidomy of DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-LUXE huh? If you work your way to the top, you can live in this room where you guys can earn 50 Arminian Hookers an hour! Talk about the life huh!?

Goombella: I think we're gonna die in here if we stay here any longer!

Flurrie: Even Flurrie is feeling rather queasy from this unholy odar.

Grubba: Now onto the next room!

The scene skipped to Grubba touring them to the red Major League locker room where about 4 of the fighters you won't get a description of until like, a few sub chaptures later were seen just mindlessly walking around not talking or anything. Yeah, so they're all expected to live in there with no beds like a pack of animals... well... they are all variations of Koopa. Well.. So much for keeping that detail a secret.

Grubba: Now this right here is the locker room for dem' major leaguers. Unfortunately, it doesn't smell as nice in here. But some of our best fighters sure live here.

Grubbah: HEY FIGHTERS! YOU'RE NOT HAVING ANY GAY SEX ARE YOU!?

Fighters: Uhh... no?

Flurrie: This whole room smells like semen.

Grubba: Good good! I hate gay sex! I'll have security pull you guys out of the Glory Hole and I will finish you all off with Captain Falcon's B move in Smash Bros and make it look like a car accident. Call me old fashion, but gay sex is just plain wrong!

Koops: Damn! There be more semen staines up-on doz walls than on my computer screen!

Grubbah: Alright Alright! Lets just go back to my office so we can get real things started.

The scene transitioned to being back in Grubba's room within a sudden millisecond. How the hell is Grubba making them teleport like that? I hope he doesn't have any psychic powers or some shit.

Grubba: So you know how this wrestling shit works right? Incase, you don't, lemme just tell you, It aint easy. It aint easy to work your way up to the top. Which is also known as... the championship. Also, there can be only 1 champion so its gonna be hard. You're gonna have to punch people, and they're gonna try to punch you back.

Mario: Dude, stop explaining fucking wrestling to me like a fucking 5 year old or I'll make my fat partner rape you!

Flurrie: I will do it!

Grubba: All im saying is that you gotta be full of that tiger blood coursing through your veins. Before you do this, I need you 4 to sign a tincy-wiincy contract to become a quartet of bad ass fighters...

Grubba: *Sais in light speed* Andforustocontrolyourlivesinanywaypossibleevenifitmeansgettingsodomizedtodethbyahornycactus.

Goombella: What was that last part?

Grubba was doing another big ass line of coke on a mirror on his desk.

Grubba: SIGN!1 YOU SELF! UP!

Mario: Can I have some of that coke or not?

Grubbah: JUST S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SIGNNNNNNNNN!

Mario: alright Jeez...

They all signed the contract while not reading it like a bunch of illiterates who've never delt with contract legality before where you actually have to read it so you know what you're in for.

Koops: I get it! Its like 1 of them terms of agreement on dem websites like facebook!

Grubbah: YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH! YOU GOT IT!

Goombella: Sooo... what now? Are we in?

Grubba: Mmmmm...WAIT! just 1 more thing... lets see now... we need a name for your star captain with the provocative mustache. Say... give me some ideas... like, what's your name?

Mario: You... really don't know my fucking name? ITS MARIO! MARIO! ITS EVEN MY FUCKING LAST NAME TOO! MARIO MARIO! FOR FUCK SAKES! MY NAME IS 1000x MORE FAMOUS THAN YOUR SHITTY FLOATING DOJO WILL EVER BE!

Mario had a hissy fit and knocked down 1 of Grubba's potted plants.

Grubba: Hmm... I can't think of anything flashy with "Mario"...Knarleyyo? Ehh… it sucks. Human man? Lame. Do you by any chance have a middle name?

Mario: Now thats a much less retarded name! Its Gonzales. Mario Gonzales Mario. Don't get the wrong idea. That doesn't mean i'm a fucking mexican if that's what you're thinking.

Grubba: Gonzales you say? ... AH HA! I GOT IT! You will be known world wide as... THE GREAT! GONZALES!1 WORLD WIDE!

Mario: I'm already known as Mario. From the video games! You see my hat? ITS-AN MII! For MARIo or some shit like that.

Grubba: Its the Glitzville kind of style! You will be well loved by our Mexican demographic! And you will sell big blue coins!

Koops: Ay Yo! Why is Mario the only 1 gettin a nick name?

Goombella: I don't think Grubba is paying too much attention to us. I think were just seen as mindless partners to him.

Koops: We still Team M right?

Goombella: I... don't know... I hope so to be honest right now.

Mario: I have a sick feeling that this is the worst contract I've signed since 1981.

Grubba: Well, now that we got all of these shady business agreement shits outta the way... I'm gonna send a lovely A-Sexual intern to send you to your locker room.

Grubba began to page a female toad with a pink spotted hat and blonde streak of hair with dorky intern virgin glasses wearing a red business suit to make her look smart.

Grubba: Jolene? Could you come meet these new recruits I just hired?

Jolene (Age 32): Yes sir. I'm on my way.

Grubba: *Snickers* I only pay her half the salary i'm really suppose to cause shes a dumb woman. Maybe that's why she always on her period.

Jolene made it to Grubba's office at an unrealistic speed. Maybe shes trying hard to prove her worthiness.

Jolene: *panting* You wish to see me sir?

Grubba: Why yes I do sugar puss! Now I want you to meet this hear Great Gonzales! I'm predicting he's gonna be the next Sylvester Stallone/ Hulk Hogan fusion! Now show these peeps to their new locker room! But 1st, bring me that apple bottom here for a little spin spin!

Grubba grabbed Jolene ruffly by the arm and pulled her toward him to slap her in the face, spit on her, kiss her, turn her around, bend her over, and spank her. Talk about appropriate work behavior right?

Koops: DAMN! Talk about playin liek a PIMP!

Jolene wiped off a small tear from her eye under her glasses.

Jolene: *Sniff* Alright. Ju... just follow me, newcomers.

Grubba: Now if you excuse me, I need to snort a line of coke off of a Hooker's poorly cleaned butt crack while wearing nothing but a fedora! I'll make sure she has a vadgelly this time!

Jolene closed the door in utter disgust of her boss's behavior.

Jolene: *Sigh* Sorry you all had to see that... Alright. So lets walk and talk. So assuming, you read the contract right? So you know what our rules are going to be. Right. Also remember, Grubba is basically your master now. He owns you for life, so that means that you cannot leave unless Grubba approves.

Goombella: WHAT!? That was on the contract!?

Mario: Aren't you supposed to be the girl who reads? Why do you even bring books with you? Seriously! Welp... So much for our adventure guys...

They made their way into the red minor league locker room. The room reeked of blood, sweat, shit, semen, and depression. Rusty springs were popping out of the benches, half of the lockers were smashed in by some wrestlers with unresolved issues about their sexuality, parts of the wall and floor were missing cause of some of the fighters thought it was food or some shit. I few minor crummy fighters were acting like a barrel of toddlers without their ritalin medication by jumping around, rolling around, running into walls, and performing ded on impressions of Rush Limbaugh. Like the Major League locker room, this 1 is also the standard the minor leaguers will have to live in. Only much much worse. Especially with all of the piles of fecal matter all over the goddamn floor since the toilet has been blocked by a random giant yellow block for several years now. To put it bluntly, IT LOOKS LIKE FUCKING PRISON! BUT WORSE!

Jolene: So yeah. Welcome to your locker room you'll be starting out in.

Goombella: I have a question. Do you people keep this room this shitty to motivate the fighters to do better? Or are you all just a bunch of lazy assholes that don't want to spend money on fixing it?

Jolene: Well if you don't like it here, I suggest you work your way up to the big leagues.

Goombella: Well yeah, I see you chose to answer both my question well... Wow ... I really don't like you.

Jolene: Well. Let's just start your 1st match immediately. Since you are newcomers, you will begin at the bottom rank at rank 20 and you will have to work your way up from there. Every time you win, you will rank up a higher number. If you lose without preforming 1 of Grubba's requests, your ranking will drop.

Mario: So hold the fuck up. Are we already starting a match? Don't we need to rest a day or so to set up a date so people will ACTUALLY know when to show up?

Jolene: We'll basically, here's how scheduling matches work in here. You see this unwashed ipad we have hooked up to the wall? You can use this to start a fight with the person in a higher ranking than you. The match starts up almost instantly. You can also check your rankings as you please so you know who you will be up against.

Mario: But thats still is a shitty business idea. What would be smart is if you take out the touch screen bullshit, and set up schedules for specific details on when matches will happen so spectators can actually be prepared to ride a fucking blimp, and watch games with their favorite fighters.

Jolene: Well... let me explain... *sigh* No... your actually right... that would be a smarter idea. Usually the demographic of people that watch Gloryhole Games just come here for the tourism and to see random shows. Sometimes we'll cram 5 shows into 20 minutes, or people have to wait 6 hours for a match to start. To be honest, it's kind of crazy. Maybe it would make sense if we set up a schedule instead. Maybe it would make more money if we made a website where we promote upcoming events in advance. Man... no wonder why we've been losing money. Honestly, we might not be able to afford fossil fuels soon. I try explaining this to Grubba, but he doesn't listen to me. Why am I even an intern of his anway if he doesn't even need me ... I'm sorry. This is unorganized behavior of mine. Im not used to getting touched inappropriately. Well.. Just pretend none of you ever heard that and just reserve your match on the touch pad.

Mario: Welp. At least we'll get the star- I MEAN... belt quicker this way.

Jolene walked Mario through the touch pad instructions by simply just pushing the button "Reserve a Match"

Goombella: It would make much more sense if it said "Start a Match"

The Touch pad streamed Grubba like a perverted webcam chat.

Grubba: Howdy partner! Ready to get yer fists dirty? And I don't mean the kind of "fisting" you might be thinking of. I mean, beating the ever loving crap out some 2-timing fuck nuggets! For your 1st match, we'll put you up against them ol' Goomba Brahz. Their weak as fuck so this will be a perfect start to your fightin' career I tell you what!

Mario: Where's your pants?

Grubba: Ever nail a filthy hooker in record cocaine speed? I bet you haven't! OOOOOOOOOOHHHH! Anyway, I'll get your fight started! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Mario shut off the camera.

Mario: That guy is annoying.

Jolene: Well now that you have your battle "reserved" it will be set up at... well... now actually. How this works is that if you forfeit, get knocked out, or killed, you lose the match. So in order to win, you have to be stronger than them?

Mario: Again. Stop explaining how fighting works like were fucking 5.

Flurrie: Will there be scripts for us to rehearse?

Jolene: No. The internet articles are wrong. Our fights actually are not stages. People actually have gotten killed in the Gloryhole occasionally. And those who kill get punished for it.

Goombella: Wait, so people actually die in these matches? Isn't that against the contract?

Jolene: If you payed attention to what you were reading in the contract, you all would know that you signed your lives away. Anyway, a security guard will stop by to escort you to the big door to the arena... So yeah... Have fun.

Jolene took off to continue doiing boring paperwork no 1 else would want to do.

Koops: Damn guys! Shes got a nice booty walkin out right guys!

Flurrie: I agree.

Mario: Oh really? I wasn't really looking.

Goombella: Ugg... You people and your obsession with asses. Its gross. Every1 knows that any1 with an ass fetish secretly has a shit fetish as well.

Mario: I feel like most people just like the shapes and perportunes. Although I do fall under that shit category since you know how I knew of Flurrie from last chapture.

Flurrie: Yeah! Shits my specialty.

Mario: Yeah it is... Great... So we really are gonna have to Rocky Balboa my way through this shit do we-

Koops: Ah Sheeeit! You know what they say, ship shap aint no blip blap.

Mario: You do know you'll never become a real rapper right? Any stranger that hears your garbage, will hate you. Permanently. You will be so infamous to the point to where you will wanna actually kill yourself.

Koops: Youz bein a hater alligator!

Mario: YOU DIE!

Mario pulled out his hammer about to smash Koops and bust his lip open when suddenly, a clone of a Securitim opened the door addressing Mario and his crew.

Securitim: Are you all ready to start your match?

Goombella: Hold on! I thought you died.

Securitim: Well incase you haven't noticed from walking through the hallways, we're are clones of eachother.

Koops: Yo! I got a question now. Wh-

Securitim: Just get your asses in the Glory Hole for some action.

Flurrie: OH JOY!

The Securitim walked Team M I mean... in this context, The Great Gonzales to the doors where they will be fighting and shit. Even though Great Gonzales applies to Mario, its an implied team name since the other 3 partners appear to be under the name of Great Gonzales. Which is kind of shitty. Meanwhile, Grubba was doing his announcing shit to prep up the inebriated fans in the Gloryhole as the room reeked of vaporized Miller Lite Sweat.

Grubba: LADIES AND GERMS AND BALD HEADED SPERMS! PREPARE FOR A FIGHT BETWEEN OUR SHITTIEST FIGHTERS UP AGAINST OUR RECENT SURPRISE NEWCOMERS WITHIN THE LAST 5 MINUTES! GIVE IT UP FOR SOME OF OUR MOST PERVERTED PATHETIC FIGHTERS IN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE; THE GOOMBA BRAHZ!

_Y'all ready for this from Space Jam _Started blasting while the audience booed the hell out of the Goomba Brahz. As the 5 Goomba's walked on stage, the 1st 1 tried twirling his penises around, the 2nd 1 was shaking his ass, the 3rd 1 made out with a random audience member, the 4th 1 was doing an intense rape face for the camera, and the 5th 1 pissed himself erratically. They all basically did perverted pre showboating maneuvers that only Goombas are capable of performing.

Grubba: Howdy Goomba Brahz! You think this will be the match that saves your careers? Or will it be the continuation of you guys maintaining the title of the biggest losers of the Gloryhole!?

Goomblake (Age 36): Are you kidding? This new opponent? He sounds like a joke.

Goombarry (Age 30): We'll kick his ass cause we're provoked!

Goombruce (Age 34): We'll tie him up sexually and make him choke.

Goombitch (Age 38): Then rape his ded body with just a few pokes!

Goombastard (Age 40): Then we'll celebrate with some lines of coke!

Grubba: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT SOME RHYMERS IN THIS TOWN! CAN THIS QUINTET OF POETS HANDLE THE POWERFUL THRUSTS OF OUR NEW CONTESTANTS!? LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR, THE GREAT GONZALES!i!i!i!i!

_Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen_ Started Blasting pumping up the crowd with drunk roars and spit and retards falling off the seating balconies in random excitement. The fat painted Mexican fans some how had signs prepared for the Great Gonzales in sheer coincidence that there was gonna be a sudden group of fighters under that name. They were cheering very loudly like the newcomers were these known veteran fighters or some shit. Mario and his deranged friends walked up on stage weirded out by the baffling crowd.

Mario: Great. Half of them think i'm a fucking spik, and the other half of them are my retarded Mario fans... I don't know which 1s are worse.

Grubba: We have a hot-diggedy-DEMON, fight tonight fans! So tell us Mr. Gonzales, how do you think this fight is going to turn out!?

Mario: What?... THEY'RE 5 FUCKING GENERIC GOOMBAS for fuck sakes! Are you fucking serious!? I murder-fucked a fucking dragon for fuck sakes! Its an insult to even be on stage with them in the 1st place.

Flurrie: Look at all of these lovely people! This is sure the biggest audience I Flurrie, have ever received.

Goombella: Great. More raping rhyming Goombas. I'm still sick from the last goomba gang we dealt with back in 1 - 8. No wonder why we're 1 of the most hated species.

Mario: I like how you're a female Goomba and your power level is like, 50 somehow, and there's is gonna be like, fucking 5 or something.

Goombella: Very true. Wait, what does the female part have to do wit-

Goomblake: HEY! FUCK YOU, YOU ASS FUCKER!

Goomblake head bonked on Mario starting the 1 match of this saga finally.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 40/63 (From Gus)

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 52/56 (From the Nibbles)

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 1/10

V.S.

Goomblake: Power Level 3

Goombarry: Power Level 3

Goombruce: Power Level 3

Goombitch: Power Level 3

Goombastard: Power Level 3

A big monitor appeared out of no where showing the power levels of every1. This giant scouter will appear in the background in just about every Glory Hole fight.

_Battle Music: Get into My Car by Billy Ocean_

Mario countered the rude sneak attack before the game started: [-1 Damage]

Mario: HA! THESE GUYS ARE EVEN WEAKER THAN I THOUGHT!

Goomblake: I will still fuck your ass in the town of Glitz.

Goombarry: We like to screw babies while we give no Shitz!

Goombruce: Let's bury them in our asses without any Fitz.

Goombitch: Maybe we'll cut them up only saving their titz!

Goombastard: And I hope their vadgellys come with clitz!

Koops: Damn! Look at them rhymes! Maybe I otta do a little rap I've been thinkin of for some of them shotties to show em' what we're all about!

Mario: I will kill you in front of all of these people if you do that.

Koops: Watch this! Lookout Goomba G's we got a real G, you can't beat us cause you aint real Gs!

Mario: YOU CAN'T RAP FOR SHIT!

Mario got frustrated with Koops so he kicked him causing him to accidentally perform a Power Shell directly at the raping rhyming goombas without using any FP somehow. They all blasted off to random parts of the stage like bowling pins. That is how bowling works right? 2 of them got smashed on the walls, 1 Goomba got stabbed by a random sharp object sticking out of the wall. A kid tried to catch 1 of them like a foul ball but instead raised his arm too high up, and the projectiling Goomba broke his nose, and the last 1 landed in Homer Simpson's mouth causing him to swallow him whole.

Homer (Age 40): Mmmmm... Raping Rhyming Goombas...

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: LOOKS LIKE THE WINNER IS; THE GREAT GONZALES!

Grubba: So lets talk for a second! What are your thoughts of tonight's victory?

Mario: IT WAS FUCKING STUPID! THE REST OF THEM SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES FOR BEING THAT SHITTY OF FIGHTERS!

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA! THEY SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES!

Grubba: I LIKE YOUR FIERY ATTITUDE! Also, as a newcomer, why don't you enlighten the fans why you're fighting in this here floating island!?

Mario: hhmmm...They probably wouldn't understand if I told the truth. It might even make some people suspicious for all I know... hmm... I got it!

Mario grabbed the microphone from Grubba in the sheer peak of ecstasy.

Mario: BECAUSE I'M HORNY!

Goombella facepalmed by slamming her face on the floor.

The audience started to cheer even harder like a bunch of drunks at the NFL puking bubbly fluid like beer vile all over the place!

Goombella: Fucking retards.

Grubba:THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS! BECAUSE THE MAN IS HORNY! HOO WIDDLY! GIVE YOUR ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOLKS! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Audiance: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The most retarded audience in the world started chanting G.G. for... Great Gonzales. No... more like... GOOD GOD!

Audiance: GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!

Koops: YEI! WE WON! Now's my chance to rap for the crowd! Yei! Yai! My Name is Koops and I like to shoot hoops, I'm not far from here cause I come from Petalburg, kids always beat me up cause I didn't have a dad! Now I have a dad cause he was in a dragon's stomach but we let him go... NOOOO! I forgot to rhyme with petalburg awhile ago!

Every1 booed Koops and started throwing trash, and food. Some of them evan went as far as biting off their own fingers so they can throw them at the dumb Koopa.

Koops: Ooww! Ooo! Hey! Ow! Stop! OW! NO! MAN! AHH!

Mario: I told you that would happen stupid.

**Chapture 4 - 11: Some Stupid Battles!**

Grubba and Jolene walked the team back into the shady locker room from whence they cammeth.

Grubba: Well job well done boys! Vantastic match! Talk about whooping some ass in the 1st round huh.

Mario: That round was a lame piece of shit! What drugs were you on when you hired those lame asses!? Seriously!

Grubba: Ever hear of speed ballin sunnay? You and I otta try 1 some time. But to my next point, next fight, I want you to make it last longer. Give that crowd i'm ripping off their money's worth!

Goombella: I have a question similar to the 1 my "friend" Koops brought up a few times. How do you guys make money from blimp tickets when they are impossible to find?

Grubba: MMmm... I think don't have time for questions from a woman. Great now I'm angry. Another question from you, and I'll have you thrown off Glitzville!

Grubba: Jolene! Give these rookie's their victory earnings so I can get back to my job in my angry office!

Grubba slammed the door in the epitome of his IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome) causing bigger cracks in the walls than he meant for.

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 19.

Jolene handed Mario 3 coins.

Mario: Wow! This is the 1st time I've ever received money from a woman in my life! I usually have to pay 50 coins for a good time with 1 if you know what I mean?

Jolene: Ok. Have a good day.

Jolene walked back as well.

Jolene: I have a bad feeling about these newcomers... They seem sick. Sick in the head.

Koops: K is for Kool, O is for O.G, O is also for O.G., P is for playah, and S is for Slick! What's my name!?

Mario: For god sakes Koops! Will you fucking stop this pathetic rap phase of yours already!? It's turned you into more a deranged retard than you already were!

Koops: Come on! Your mind is full of fog! It's just me keeping it real dawg!

Mario: No! Nuh Uh! Ever since we met that MCAsswiggerfuckshit, you some how got this dumb ass idea that you can be just like him! Which is a pretty abysmal standard to begin with. Because of him, you decided to get this idea that you are some kind of annoying black rapper! Your not black! You'r! a fucking! Koopa!

Goombella: Uhh… are you sure you're not racist Mario?

Koops: I think mah rap was pretty fly though. That crowd was givin' me food I was so good!

Mario slammed Koops up against the wall making a loud uncomfortable slamming sound.

Mario: THEY WERE BOOING YOU! YOU KILLED MY THUNDER YOU FUCKING RETARD! Besides, You have absolutely no rhythm! No idea what the fuck you're talking about, and It's hard to even tell that you were trying to fucking rap!

Goombella: Well Mario. That "Cause Im horny" thing you said was pretty stupid too you know.

Mario: I HAD TO IMPROVISE! At least the crowd was cheering when I said my thing!

Goombella: You could have at least have said something like, "I want that champion's belt!" Or even, "I want to be champion!" I don't fucking know. I don't watch these wrestling things.

Mario: At least we don't have to wear fucking Mexican Wrestling masks.

King K (Age 28): Ay yo! Are youz the new 4 chumps I've been hearing all about just now!? Which 1 of you is that Great G or what everz?

A Koopa with a golden shell wearing Dai Gurren Shades with a 1950's John Travolta worshipping personality walked up to the team of tards.

Mario: Yes its me. If you're trying to ass-mate me, I'm not interested. Infact, if you try anything, I'll actually kill you.

King K: King K's mah name, wrestling's mah game! I don't got much of a story to tell yuh. I'm just a low ranked fighter just like you.

Mario: Your name is an obvious King K Rool reference and it sickens me.

Koops: Heh. WOW! You got a cool ass name yo momma gave you G!

King K: Nah. King K just mah nickname up in town. But my real name is Lawrence. Forget you heard that though. I don't want no chumps knowin that about me.

Goombella: You smell weird.

Flurrie: He smells like ded cats! My favorite. I 1ce used some in a film of mine.

Goombella: I REALLY don't care to know.

King K: So let me getcha affiliated with da rest of these buds in this here locker room!

King K: This Bad Ass Bob-omb over here goes by "Master Crash!" He's crazy!

Master Crash (Age 26): HI! HOW THE BOMBING BOMB ARE YOU!? IM MASTER CRASH! BUT YOU ALREADY BOMBING KNOW THAT! DONT TRY TO CHALLENGE ME OR I'LL BOMB YOU UP BY BOMBING YOUR BOMBING BOMB! O. .G.! JK! BOOOOOOMMMMMBBBBBBBB! I CAN BOMBING TELL YOU'RE GOING TO DO BOMBING GREAT! YOUR GONNA BEAT THE BOMB OUT OF LOTS OF THESE BOMB FACES! BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB

Master Crash continued this BOMB thing for awhile

Koops: Yo! Is he gonna blow up and shit?

King K: Nah, He's just off his meds as always. Plus he does tons of crack to compensate!

Goombella: Wait, you're allowed to do that?

King K: Yei sweetheart. You look like the kind of girl Id write a song for.

Goombella: Please don't or I'll kill you where you stand.

King K: Uhh... I'm getting off track! This over here be Bandy Andy. The bandit!

Bandy Andy (Ae 24): Yo yo yo! Whazzup crackaz!? I'm Bandy Andy up in this crib! You got a problem with that? We can duke it right now nigga!

Mario: God Damnit! Just what I needed. Another retarded wigger.

Koops: Yo yo yo! Sup sup sup sup SUP G! I liken you styzzle! It gootchie!

Bandy Andy: Man, shut da fuck up! Youz aint good enough to even be a real wigger biatch!

Bandy Andy ripped off Koops' band aid and spat on his scab.

Koops: Hey! Give dat back!

Koops grabbed the band aid froM Bandy's hand.

Koops: Great! Now I need to use the damn bathroom to get rid of them germs by peeling off my scab!

Bandy Andy: Good luck biatch. That bitch ass block has been here before I even joined this shit! That's why this room be coated in dooky and shit!

Flurrie: Just the way I love it!

King K: Oh ya! And lets not forgot Cleftor! He aint no ordinary Green Rock Bald Cleft thing. He is a Punk Rocker if you know what I mean!

Cleftor (Age 33): Whats up! I'm in a band! We play punk and were really fucking good man! We sing songs about how our fashion style beats all others and how much we wanna kill those poser retards for conforming and not being true punx like us! We also like to fuck their gfs ironically!

King K: That doesn't sound like something punk rockers would say.

Cleftor: Well guess what!? Punk HAS NO label to it! Unless I don't approve!

King K: Whatevs... That guy doesn't know shit. So there you have it! Thats like, all of the minor leaguers of the red team. The other half is in the blue team on the other side. Any1 you don't meet here, assume they're on the blue team cause you'd be right! You remember those Goombas you fought recently right? Ya. You know what I'm sayin.

Mario: I guess. I'm gonna go take a shit. Wheres the bathroom?

King K: Just pick any corner. No 1 cares.

Goombella: I do. I've been trying not to puke every time I've been in here... Ah fuck it! BLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella puked all over the floor.

Cleftor: Whoa! That was so hard core!

Bandy Andy: Floor skating!

Bandy Andy tried ice skating on the puke but slipped on it and fell instead face 1st into a wall!

Bandy Andy: Ooowww...

Flurrie: I Flurrie, must lick it up before some1 else slips on it again!

Goombella: Good god Flurrie! Thats disgust- BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella puked all over Flurrie. Flurrie proceeded this by licking the puke off of her face.

Koops: I'm back from picking my scab! And I gotta say, all yallz got some cool ass nicknames! Makes me wanna give myself a stage name. I know! From now on, I will be, Koop-C-REEL! It's also gon' be mah RAP name too!

Mario threw his turd at Koops' face.

Koops: OW!

Mario: HA! Now you reek as bad as your new rap name!

King K: Holy smokes guys! You know what that means!? SHIT PARTAY!

Master Crash: BOMB YEAH!

And so, every1 except for Goombella started loling and throwing old ass fecal matter at each other like retards in a 90s commercial on Cartoon Network where they have a food fight in the cafeteria. Shit was literally flying everywhere splattering on the walls and at each other's clothes and faces. They started puking in the celebration of excitement and foul odor. They even balled up their puke like snow balls and threw it at eachother like snowballs. Flurrie intentionally kept getting hit by the projectile wads of puke, and fecal matter! Sometimes, she would even go as far as to catching the bottley fluids in her mouth like a doggy catching a frisbee in it's mouth. If there was a GG Allin 1st person shooter game, this would basically be it.

Flurrie: SOME1 GET A CAMERA! I WANNA USE THIS FOR MY INDIE PORN!

Goombella: This has to stop, NOW!

Goombella walked up to the touch pad so she can reserve a match. The touch screen featured the face of Grubba.

Grubba: Oh howdy Gonzales! Wait. You're that annoying woman Goomba. *Sigh* You know, as much as I agree with the statement that women belong in the kitchen, I think they really belong in the bedroom suckin my cock! Hey wait! Are they having another shit and puke throwing partay!? Hoo wee! That sounds exciting I tell yuh!

Goombella: WILL YOU JUST RESERVE OUR FUCKING MATCH SO I CAN GET OUT OF HERE!?

Grubba: Right right. Let The man himself know that he's up against rank 18! The Kid Punching Koopas! A Securitim will came getchall reeeeeeal soon darlin'!

King K: The Kid Punching Koopas are up!? Wait! Time out!

Every1 paused like they were affected by some kind of pause button on a remote in the background.

Mario: Who the hell are those jodes!?

King K: My crew's at rank 18! Which means our crew is up against your's! Knarly! Also, don't call us jodes. Thats offensive among our parts.

Mario: What ever. I'll kick you and your retarded crew's buttholes!

King K: Not before I kick your Keisters!

Securitim opened the door.

Securitim: Alright! Are both team's ready to duke it out in the ring?

King K: You're darn skippy!

Mario: Alright! Koops. I want you to stay back for this 1.

Koops: Buy whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Mario: Well. Your an embarrassment on stage, plus I especially can't stand you while you under your hypnotic rap spell.

Koops: Aww damn...

Mario: Besides, you can make some new shitty friends right here in the shitty locker room.

Flurrie: I'm staying back too! I wanna see if I can make a snowman out of all this shit! Then I'm gonna have lesbian sex with it!

Mario: Thats fine. Alright. So looks like its just Goombella and I stepping in.

Goombella: Sweet! It'll be just like old times!

Mario: Yeah. By old times, you mean almost a week ago.

Goombella: Oh yeah. Feels longer from the reader's perspective.

1ce again, the crowd went very literally wild. Slamming their faces into each other and spitting out wads of hot dog meat.

Grubba: DJENTS AND WENCHES! GOYZ AND GALZ! TO MY LEFT, WE HAVE THE BLITZKRIEG BOPPING SHELL MACHINES OF DETH... THE BOYS THAT STEAL YOUR LUNCH MONEY! FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE KID PUNCHING KOOPAS!

_You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog by Elvis Presley_ started roaring to emphasize what the Kid Punching Koopas all about as King K and 2 others in his crew were walking up on stage while mimicking some of Johnny Bravo's moves to show off how good they are. Mama June in the background threw her panties at 1 of them. Don't ask me what kind of blimp it took to lift her to Glitzville. It's just majic!

Grubba: AND TO MY RIGHT! WE HAVE THE MERCILESS MURDER-FUCKING MACHINES! THE HAVOK OF THE HOLOCAUST! PUT YOUR HAND TOGETHER, FOR THE GREAT GONZALES!

_Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen_ Started Blasting as Mario and Goombella casually walked out the door still unamused by the obnoxious screamings from the audience. Courtney Love in the background flashed Mario her tits.

Mario: Oh god BLEEEEERRRGGG!

Random Audience member: Look! Mario I mean, the Great Gonzales just puked! I'm so snapchatting this!

Mario: Alright King K. By the end of this fight, I'm gonna rename you to King Faggot!

Audience: WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Goombella: Mario... Your stage bander is getting worse.

Mario: It doesn't matter. If you've been paying attention to the audience, you'd know that they're fucking retarded!

King K: Ay Daddy-O! You better keep your stupid comments in your pocket before we force them down there!

Mario: That successfully made no sense!

KP Koopa: Ay! After this, whatiya say we hop on down to the 1950's diner and fist a juke box till it starts to blast some Jerry Lee Lewis!

King K: Sounds like a plan little man!

Mario: SOME1 BAN THESE GUYS FROM TALKING!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 40/63

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Absent

Flurrie: Absent

FP: 1/10

V.S.

King K: Power Level 12

KP Koopa: Power Level 12

KP Paratroopa: Power Level 12

_Battle Music: I walk the Line by Johnny Cash_

[TURN 1]

Mario: Tattle that shit Goombella!

Goombella: RIGHT!

Goombella uses tattle on KP ParaTroopa: This is KP Paratroopa. It's basically exactly identical to the Paratroopa from that 50's gang we delt with 2 chaptures ago. The only difference is that they dye their shells yellow to make it look gold. I shit you not. That's the only difference. Even the stats are the exact same too.

Mario: K.

Mario uses the last of his FP by using a charge power up to briefly boost his power level to 56/88.

King K: I'll show you for being OP!

King K uses shell slam at Goombella: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Ow Bitch!

KP Koopa uses shell Slam on Goombella but counters by kicking it to the ceiling: [-1 Damage]

KP Paratroopa uses shell strike on Mario: [2 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Goombella Tattles King K. I think she's a little overly obsessed with tattling: This is a KP Koopa. Theres nothing new or extravagant about them I can inform you on that isn't a total waste of time!

Mario: Then why are you tattling them?

Goombella: SHUT UP!

Mario uses a charged up double jump on KP Paratroopa knocking him out and breaking his shell causing him to become a naked Koopa Kill la Kill style: [6 Damage]

Since King K only has 1 attack, he uses shell slam again making it predictable enough for Goombella to counter it with her Helmet: [-1 Damage]

The other KP Koopa did the same with the same result: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses double helmet bonk on KP Koopa also knocking him and blasting his shell: [3 Damage]

Mario: HEY KING K! LETS SEE IF YOU LIKE INTERNAL BLEEDING!

Finally, Mario performed a double jump that also shattered King K's shell. Sadly, a few shell shards got caught in the Koopa's skin and organs causing some pretty bad internal bleeding as the borderline psychopath of a retired plumber predicted: [3 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: The winner is! THE GREEEEEEEEAT ZONGELES! I MEAN GONZALESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!1

KP Koopa: I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!

Mario: YEAH YOU DO BITCH! HA WE WON YOU FUCKING RETARD!

Audiance: YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The audience cheered like buffoons while we're hanging on random parts of the ceiling like monkeys.

Mexican Audience: GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES!

Goombella: *Sigh* Where is natural selection when you need it?

Grubba: NOW LET'S CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK!

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

DO YOU WANT TO GET BEEF? DO YOU WANT TO GET TOUGH? YOU WANNA STEP ON MOUNTAINS AND PISS ON RAINBOWS LIKE A CHAMP? THEN GET YOUR ASS OFF THE COUCH AND BUY SOME MAN COLA! MAN COLA! WITH MAN COLA, YOU CAN PUNCH HURRICANES, BATHE IN VOLCANOES, AND CRUSH ASTEROIDS WITH YOUR FAAAAAACE! THIS ISN'T NO ORDINARY MAN COLA NEITHER! THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S JOHN CENA'S MAN COLA! MAN COLA! RRRAAAAAAAAHHH! JOHN CENA'S MAN COLA IS LIKE SODA, IT'S LIKE AN ENERGY DRINK, AND IT MIGHT AS WELL BE FUCKING BEER CAUSE IT'S WAY TOO GOD DAMN MANLY NOT TO BE! JOHN CENA'S MAN COLA CAN HELP YOU RAPE TANKS WITH YOUR DICK, BEAT UP YOUR BOSS FROM WORK, SMACK YOUR WIFE, AND MOST OF ALL, KICK THE ASS OF THAT KID THAT KEEPS PICKING ON ME ON RAINY STREET! SO GO DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE, AND BUY SOME OF JOHN CENA'S HOME MADE MAN COLA! MAN COLA! ONLY 9 COINS PER 6 PACK! BUY IT NOW! YOU FUCKING PUSSY! This product is not for woman.

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

Back to the shit smeared locker room!

Jolene walked Mario and Goombella back to the locker room with a clothespin over her nose.

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 18.

Mario: Im pretty sure fights here make much more than just 4 coins.

Jolene: Well if you keep it up, your allowance will increase.

Mario: Allowance? Well that's a bitchy way to say it. What are you? Some fucking parent?

Jolene: ... I can have you written up for talking to me like that. Anyhow, I will see you later.

Mario: Yes Maam…

As Jolene closed the messy door, Mario flipped her off behind her back.

Mario: What now bitch?

Goombella: Mario... Please just behave for like, 5 seconds.

Mario: Fuck that shit. Have I ever before!?

Koops: Oh hi Mario! I missed Yo ass!

Master Crash: MARIO! I HEARD ABOUT THAT BOMBING MATCH YOU WON WITH THAT PIECE OF BOMB KING BOMBING K! THAT WAS PRETTY BOMBING SICK HOW YOU SMASHED HIS SHELL INTO HIS SKIN AND BOMB!

Bandy Andy: Yeah! Way to fuck his ass us G.G.! All the way to the hospital nigga!

Cleftor: Of course you know he's the weakest among all of us right?

Master Crash: YEAH! TRY BOMBING DOING THAT TO BOMBING US! I BET YOU'LL LOSE! I BET YOU'LL LOSE! I BET YOU'LL LOSE! BOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMBBOMB BOMB BOMB!

Mario: Well I'll let you all find that out the hard way in a matter of pages. So how was baby sitting Koops and Flurrie while we were gone?

Koops: IM KOOP-C-REEL NOW! Also, Bandy was tryin to teetch my yellow ass how to RAP!

Bandy Andy: Yeah... He ain't learnin' nothin' man. He has no idea what he's doing. It's sad cause normally, you actually have to try to be that bad at rap and he's the worst I've ever seen. You've seen Krispy Kreme right? Now his ass is joking when he raps. Koops is serious and he's 10 more terrible than his ass. Hes gonna make me get a stroke he's so lame nigga. I kept asking him "YOU AUTISTIC SON!?"

Cleftor: Thats why PUNK IS BETTER!

Mario: Yeah... He's pretty nauseating to be around. Especially like this. So what about the other retard. Flurrie?

Master Crash: FLURRIES BEEN BOMBING THE BOMB OUT OF HER BOMB SCULPTURE! TAKE A LOOK!

Flurrie was seen making out while raping a pile of fecal waste that used to be a self-sculpture of herself out of shit.

Goombella: Flurrie, I think those massive tits of yours have sucked all of blood out of your brain.

Mario: Hmm... I kind of wanna fight again.

Goombella: Already? But we just did 2 not too long ago.

Mario: Yeah, 1ce I start the blood lust, I can't stop. Besides, the sooner we get the belt, the better right?

Goombella: True. Its amazing that we can request matches this early and easily.

Mario: Yeah. Good thing Grubba's retarded and has it set up that way.

Mario stepped on up to the touch screen with all kinds of stains on it.

Grubba: Howdy again Gonzales! Good to see you wanting to fight so soon.

Grubba: Lets see. Clearly you've been on a winning streak so lets see... How about I put you up against rank 17! Thats right! You'r ass is gonna be up against The Pokey 3 Somes! Get it!? Cause there's 3 of em'! Just don't try poking it to them or you'll get a couple of wearin tearin splinters if yuh know what I mean. Now I got a challenge for you. I don't want you to use any partner switchin on me! Despite the fact you never have before! I wanna see 2 warriors fight to the end! Gets that blood going in the audience, know what I'm sayin!? Anyway, enough from me, I'll page a Securitim to come back to your locker room and get another surprise match started! Now I gotta do I line of coke before I do some announcing shit so I'll see ya later!

Mario:How the hell does not switching the partners get the blood going? This guy has some major issues! This is coming from me by the way!

Goombella: But wait! Hold on a sec, Pokeys!? You mean those yellow cactus things with the weird faces!? I can't fight those things!

Mario: Wait, yeah you can. All you have to do is headbonk them.

Goombella: That will hurt me.

Mario: Yeah, but you're wearing a helmet.

Goombella: For some reason, I'll still get hurt cause the gameplay doesn't pay attention to some obvious details!

Mario: Alright fine! Koops. You're coming with!

Koops: Ah hell yeah!

Goombella: Wait! But I gotta do my tattling! How am I gonna do that if we can't switch!? Either I get the tattle while being useless in a fight, or Koops fights and we get no tattle!?

Mario: Is your tattling thing really that much of an OCD thing!?

Goombella: No! It's just important to me jack ass! There's a difference!

Mario: For fuck sakes! Fine! I got an idea. But this is going to dip in deep into our few free passes on how many times we can break the 4th wall to this severity.

Mario pulled down his pants and farted out a portal through the 4th wall.

Mario: Be right back.

Mario stepped into Miyamoto's office.

Mario: Hey Miyamoto, from now on, can we make a thing where Goombella can actually do her tattles off stage? That way, we can showcase more partner's while not wasting a turn for switching.

Shigeru Miyamoto (Age 62): Hai.

Mario walked back into the portal taking him back to the Glitzville locker room.

Mario: Alright I'm back. Good news. Miyamoto said Goombella can do tattles off stage so now we don't have to break that rule for some stupid tattle log.

Goombella: Thank you Mario!

Mario: Its whatevs… We need to be careful with how many chances we can get to do something like that.

Securitim: Your match awaits!

Mario: Yes! Yes it is!

Meanwhile, at the ring, the same kind of audience stuck around for the absurd fight! There were doing a lame ass chant where they were yelling but weren't saying any words. But 1st, we have to wait for some fat fuck named Grubba to do his obnoxious announcement!

Grubba: ALRIGHT FOLKS! IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER GLITZ, IN THE GLORY HOLE! TO MY LEFT, WE HAVE! THE POKES THAT MAKE THE LADIES CHOKE! GIVE IT UP FOR, THE POKEY 3 SOME!

_Opening Theme: Sweet Leaf by Black Sabbath_

The stoned Pokey 3 Some strolled on stage while carelessly bumping into the many faces of fans. believe it or not, people were trying to give them high fives and pat them on their back for good luck. Instead, it just fucked up their hands. Have you ever seen YouTube videos about cactus dares? Yeah... Dont try that. Also, 1 had a joint in their mouth, 1 had a blunt, and 1 had a tobacco pipe used for it's common purpose.

Grubba: RETURNING YET AGAIN AS IF WE DIDN'T SEE THEM FIGHT 2 MINUTES AGO, THE SOCIOPATH HIMSELF, THE GREAT GONZALES... and his crew...

_Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen_ started blasting in the background as Kirk Johnson in the background among the audience decided to do what he's famous for in front of the Great G. Don't know what that thing is? Look up "Goatse" and find out. Mario saw it in the background

Mario: OH COME ON!

Pokey 1 (Age 19): Whoa man... look at all those people cheering for up- I mean,,, us duuuuuuuuude...

Pokey 2 (Age 17): Yeah man. There like, gonna watch them stab their asses with our sharp skin bro. Go ahead... Touch usssssss... It won't hurrrrrrrrrrrrt...too muchhhhh... HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! *snort* *snort* HHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Pokey 3 (Age 21): Were soooooooooo baked right now, ehehehehehehehehe were gonna beat them ninja style cause like, since were so high, we have like, deeper access to our subconsciousness so thats gonna make us … I don't know.. stronger.

The audience rooting for the Pokey 3 Some started to receive their contact high.

Mario grabbed the microphone with the wrestling god complex he might or might not be developing.

Mario: Oh yeah? Well when I kick your asses, I'm gonna smoke all of your weed in front of you! Thats right! It'll be like im cucking you with your own weed!

Pokey 1: Hey! Do you like, know how hard it was to rob our 13 year old drug dealer for our dank ass dope!? Now prepare to go Up In Smoke! Get it? Like the movie!?

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 35/63

Goombella: Power Level 45/50

Koops: Power Level 52/56

Flurrie: Off doing something sick

FP: 0/10

V.S.

Pokey 1: Power Level 10

Pokey 2: Power Level 10

Pokey 3: Power Level 10

_Battle Music: Dopesmoker by Sleep._

[TURN 1]

Pokey 2: We're gonna send you back to the stone age!

Pokey 3: Yeah! More like, the stoned age! Hehehehehe.

Koops: Ah sheeit Mario. I'm wishin we would have smoked some bud before fighting! That way, we can put up a decent match by using our ninja skills.

Mario: Okay, 1. They're even weaker than the Kid Punching Koopas, 2. They're retarded, 3. They're high, so they're not gonna fight well. They probably think they will acquire ninja skills, but they won't. They don't even have arms or legs!

Koops: But we fight pretty good high!

Mario: That's cause we don't apply to number 1 or 3. 2 is a little debatable but I'd like to think we isn't stupid.

Koops: Oh. For shizzle my nizzle in the rizzle fo bizzle.

Pokey 1: Alright team! like, lets do this for the vibes man!

Pokey 2 and 3: FOR THE VIBES MAN!

Mario: Alright Goombella. Do your dumb tattle shit.

Goombella uses tattle on 1 of the Pokey's: These are Pokey's I know you know what they are cause I played your Super Mario World game when I was 7. Yeah. So, I'm assuming you have the common sense not to touch a fucking cactus right? I mean. They have spikes stupid!

Mario: I like how you're insulting me before I even did anything.

Mario uses jump on Pokey but instead, got his foot stabbed through his shoe: [-1 Damage]

Mario: FUCK! MY FOOT'S BLEEDING!

Goombella: I told you.

Mario: I'M WEARING SUPER SHOES! THAT SHOULDN'T PHYSICALLY HAPPEN!

Pokey 2: Haha man! We got you!

Koops: I'll knock their butts off G!

Koops uses shell bowling ball blash on Pokey 1 knocking out 1 of his digits: [3 Damage]

Pokey 1: Oh noez! My digit got knocked off. Its okay! I'll grow another 1 hehehehe! But I think i'm gonna attack cause like... uhh...whoa… where am I?

Pokey 3: Dude. Were fighting man.

Pokey 1: Oh yeah...whoa…... hehe. I like... forgotten.

Pokey 1 slammed into Koops: [2 Damage]

Koops: OW SHIT! SPLINTERS! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

Koops' arm was bleeding a shit ton.

Pokey 2: Hehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe... Hey bros. Watch this.

Pokey 2 threw 1 of his digits at Mario but some how deflected it with his fists contradicting the damage he received on his foot. back to Pokey 2: [-3 Damage]

Pokey 2: OWW! I hurt brah. What a buzz killer.

Pokey 3 did the same as 2 onto Koops who hid in his shell at just the right millisecond to knock the digit back at the stoned cactus: [-3 Damage]

Pokey 3: OWW! NOT ME 222!

[TURN 2]

Mario: Hey! You guys love weed!?

All Pokeys: YEAH!

Mario: You remember the Up in Smoke reference you guys made to us?

All Pokey: OH YEAH!

Pokey 1: My favorite movie!

Mario: WATCH THIS!

Mario reached into his mysterious invisible inventory where he rolled a joint made out of fireweed. He inhaled and blew fire and burnt all 3 pokeys alive incinerated them alive and shit.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Koops: Yei Yo! We won!

The audience cheered for Team... I mean, The Great Gonzales despite him unintentionally pulling off a massacre on stage just now.

Grubba: Holy Crap! Uhhh... You...Wow… you…. actually killed them...like, barbequed them... ... ... Welp, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A WINNER! GIVE IT UP FOR THE REAL MERCILESS EXECUTIONER HIMSELF! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Goombella: Wow... This audience is handling this oddly well.

Audience: GONZALES GONZALES WOO WOO WOO! GONZALES GONZALES *CLAP CLAP CLAP*! GONZALES GONZALES WOO WOO WOO! GONZALES GONZALES *CLAP CLAP CLAP*! GONZALES GONZALES WOO WOO WOO! GONZALES GONZALES *CLAP CLAP CLAP*!

Mario: They better. They're high as fuck from all the contact highs and listening to Sleep during that match.

Goombella: Listening to Sleep?

Mario: You know! The stoner metal we were just listening to during the fight.

Koops: Do they rap!?

Mario: What? No they don't! We were just listening to them. You guys really don't know the band Sleep?

Goombella: They sound strange. Maybe I've just never been a music person.

Mario: Thats the point. It has that trippy vibe you know?

Goombella: My god you're sound stoned.

Back to the depressing locker room again.

Mario: God damnit Jolene! Why the fuck am I getting written up!?

Jolene: You single handedly murdered some of our fighters. You're lucky your not getting charged for murder on account that your recent fanbase actually raising us alot of money. Your also lucky that we can actually report the deth as a battle hazard.

Mario: For fuck sakes! They were lame minor enemies! I'm kind of known for killing those things in Mario levels!

Jolene: You're in a fighting tournament Gonzales! The rules are much different than to what you're used to. If you kill another opponent, I will see to it that you are taken off the roster and are banned from Glitzville permanently. Understood?

Mario: Oh your just mad because I just joined and I'm already making more money than you bitch!

Jolene: Fine. I'll just write you up for that remark too. Anyways. Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 17.

Jolene handed Mario 5 coins.

Mario: I bet these 5 coins are still more than you earn in a month.

Jolene: That's irrelevant. Now I have to get back to work before I allow you to slip and say more things you'll regret. So now I need to find replacements for the Pokey 3 Some thanks to you.

Jolene slammed the door emphasizing her anger dealing towards Mario.

Koops: Yo. Talk about a bitch who gives my head an itch. I be all suddenly less turned on by her ass it was fast G!

Mario: Shut the hell up Koops.

Goombella: Mario. As much as I agree that she is a bitch, she is somewhat right that we probably shouldn't go overboard in our battles like we have been.

Mario: But that's how we've normally delt with battles in the past.

Goombella: We'll we can't kill enemies here. It's gonna get us kicked out and then we're not gonna be able to collect the stars anymore. Plus, its gonna hurt our reputation publically if we keep that up. I'm pretty sure our fights so far are all over YouTube. Seriously, look up "Great Gonzales." You'll see what I mean in the Let's Plays you'll find.

Mario: You watch Let's Plays? Wow. Your time is well spent.

Goombella: Shut up! I just know these things! Thats all...

Cleftor: Dude! I just heard about how you like, literally incinerated the Pokey guys. So hardcore.

Master Crash: WELL YEAH! JOLENE WAS JUST BOMBING AT THE GREAT BOMBING GONZALES ABOUT IT A FEW BOMBING SECONDS AGO!

Cleftor: I'm just saying. I've never seen such dangerous fighters play here in a long time.

Mario: My god you guys are annoying. My buzz has officially been ripped into shreds on top of all of this.

Koops: Yo! Where da Flurrie at!?

Mario: Do you really care enough to ask that?

Flurrie bursted out from 1 of the lockers trying to behave like a fucking child.

Flurrie: BOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HI MY MARVELOUS MUSTACHED MANLY MARIO! I JUST PENETRATED MY NOSE WITH SO MUCH FINE COCAINE BEYOND THE LUXURIOUS HEAVENS THEMSELVES!

Master Crash: YOU SNORTED ALL OF MY BOMBING COCAINE!? YOU BOMBING BOMB! I BOMBING SAID THAT YOU CAN ONLY SNORT 1 LINE OF COKE! NOT THE WHOLE BOMBING THING! I SHOULD BOMBING KILL YOU WHERE YOU BOMBING STAND!

Master Crash hopped on Flurrie and starting kicking her in the face repetitively despite this not damaging her. He kept aiming for her nose making her bleed alot.

Flurrie: MMM! MMM! MMM! YEAH! YEHA! DON'T STOP! KICKING ME! YOU CAN LICK UP MY BLOOD! AND SPIT IT IN MY EYE!

Cleftor: Hey. Great Gonzales. You're probably wondering where Bandy Andy went off to. You see-

Mario: I don't care. I think i'm just gonna get another match started.

Goombella: I kind of wanna lay off matches for a while. Almost getting kicked out kind of freaked me out. Just make sure you don't murder the opponents this time and you should be fine.

Mario activated the touch pad for technically the 2nd time virtually summoning Grubba.

Grubba: Well howdy again Mr. Gonzales. That last match was quite a controversial clusterfuck I tell you what. But guess what? I'm gonna let that 1 slide this time since every1 still cheered and what not hyuk hyuk hyuk. So any doo, looks like you'll be up against our finest rank 16 in the Glory Hole! The Ded Bone.

Mario: That is the most redundant name I have ever heard since bone's aren't exactly alive in the 1st place.

Koops: I think theyz alive when them in them bodz.

Mario: Go play with yourself somewhere.

Koops: HWOW! OK!

Grubba: You won't have to worry about murdering them by mistake this time SINCE THEY'RE ALREADY DED! You ever heard of Dry Bones? We'll basically, their species goes by the name "Dull Bones."

Goombella: Yeah. We did a tattle on them 1ce.

Grubba: Quiet skank! So basically, for this match, here's what I want. Nothing special! I just want you to wrap up the match in 2 Turns. I gotta date at 2:25 with a 3 boobed prostitute i'm planning on nailing inside a gross sweaty pile of cocaine in my office. I only wish I had 2 cocks so I can fuck both of them cleavage canyons! SO MAKE IT SNAPPY AND WE'LL ALL HAVE A GOOD TIME! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Mario shut off the touchpad in the middle of Grubba saying Yee-Haa.

Mario: He's still really annoying.

Flurrie: Mario! Let me come with you this match! I Flurrie, wish to return on stage unveiling thy magnificent performance of the ages!

Mario: ... Fine. I guess you'll be my partner this match.

A Securitim showed up in short notice as usual.

Securitim: Your match awaits sir.

Mario: Alright! We're out! Later bitches!

Goombella: Don't do anything stupid that will get you in trouble this time!

Mario: And you try not to get molested by the other fighters in the locker room!

Another battle is soon to commense as Grubba announced the next battle.

Grubba: GUYS AND GIRLS AND THE REST FROM THE WORLD! ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER MATCH DON HERE IN THE GLORY HOLE!?

Audience: YES WE ARE! YES WE ARE! YES WE ARE! YES WE ARE!

Grubba: I LOVE YOUR SYNCHRONIZED CHANT! ANYWAYS, WE'RE RAISING THE DED TONIGHT AS WE UNLEASH SOME UNDED ZOMBIES THAT MAYBE BAD TO THE BONES! LADIES! GIVE UP YOUR VIRGINITIES TO THE DED BONES!

The Song _Bad to the Bones by ZZ Top_ blasted through the speakers as 3 ded bones walked on stage raising their arms forward like zombies for the sake of cheesy stage presence. 1 of the Dry bones threw a bone at a random female in the audience and caught it between her tits. You horny yet?

Grubba: UP AGAINST THESE BAG OF BONES. WE HAVE THE CRAZY KILLING MACHINE FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF HELL. LETS PIPE UP FOOOOOOOOR THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSs!

_Ain't Talkin' Bout Love by Van Halen_ blasted again as Mario and Flurrie walked through the entry door with drunk ass parents with their fat drunk ass kids with the parents willingly give alcohol to them. 9 fat guys pulled down their pants showing their spirit by exposed their butt cheeks with each cheek having a painted on letter spelling out ( T Y H ) ( E Y ) ( G Y R ) ( E Y A ) ( T Y ) ( G Y O ) ( N Y Z ) ( A Y L ) ( E Y S ). The Y's indicate butt cracks incase it wasn't obvious that I was making the parenthesis look like butts just for you.

Flurrie: Check it out Mario! Oh how I would love to lick off the letters from their butt cheeks for a tasty treat!

Mario: No... No I can't say the same

Dull Bones 1 (Age 694): Boy, do we have a bone to pick with you Gonzales. After the way you massacred us with that POW block back in Hooktail's castle, we are so gonna get revenge on you tonight!

Dull Bones 2 and 3 (Age 274 and 487): YEAH!

Mario: For your information, It's still daylight! Also, I'm gonna make you all regret exiting your mother's cunt by crafting a giant dildo out of your bodies!

Flurrie: Wow! The audience is going wild. This must be some kind of big famous porno we're in huh.

Mario: We're not in a porno you dumbass cock sucker. Were on the Glory Hole!

Flurrie: I still don't understand the difference!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 35/63

Goombella: Probably reading.

Koops: Playing with himself.

Flurrie: Power Level 30/30

FP: 0/10

V.S.

Dull Bones 1: Power Level 3

Dull Bones 2: Power Level 3

Dull Bones 3: Power Level 3

_Battle Music: Them Bones by Alice in Chains_

Mario: Look at their power levels! How are these guys not ranked down on the bottom? Or at least above the Goomba Brahz?

Mario uses generic jump attack disattaching the bones of the 1st dull

Flurrie used an appeal where she gave a disturbingly sexually offensive wink at everybody. This backfired as they all puked everywhere. At this point. The entire Glory Hole started to smell like a mix of beer, garbage, and puke.

Dull Bones 2 threw a bone at Mario hitting him above the eyeball FFF ouch: [2 Damage]

Dull Bones 2: That was like, bad to the bones brah! Hes like, bleeding and shit.

Mario: ENOUGH BONE PUNS!

Dull Bones 3 tossed 3 bones at Flurrie. She countered by catching all of them in her mouth like a bundle of penises.

[TURN 2]

Flurrie: mmgmbmmm

Mario: Flurrie! Spit out the bones so I can hear you.

Flurrie swallowed the bones.

Flurrie: This fine order of puking is making me feel quite randy in my vaginal area don't you agree?

Mario: Lets just finish off these ass fucks.

Mario annihilated the 2nd Dull Bones with a regular hammer blast: [1 Damage]

Flurrie: Speaking of fucking asses, that just gives me an idea. I'm just so horny I can't stand it! I CAN'T STAND IT!

Flurrie quickly flew towards the remaining Dull Bones with her arms out, eyes closed, and lips puckered.

Flurrie: COME RIGHT HERE AND GET YOUR BEST BONE READY FOR FLURRIE!

Flurrie grabbed Dull Bones 3 as he started freaking out in the grips and massive cleavage of the morbidly disgusting cloud woman thing. She then turned him around, pinned him down on the floors, and get this. She ACTUALLY RAPED him! She raped him on stage! Right in front of everybody. Don't think too hard about the science, she just up and RAPED HIM! Damn! That cocaine she snorted. Must have been pretty strong. Maybe that has something to do with it: [1 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE?]**

Mario: God Damnit Flurrie! Its not a fucking porno!

Grubba: Uhhhh... QUICK... TIME TO MAKE THIS LOOK LIKE A TRADITIONAL WRESTLING MATCH SO THERE IS NO RIOT.

Grubba got on the ground and slammed the floor on a countdown like beat.

Grubba: And 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, AND WE HAVE A WINNER! THE MeRCILESS MERCENARY! THE GREAT GONZALES HIMSELF WINS EVERYBODY!1

Dull Bones 3: MOMMY! MOMMYYYYYYYY! I WANT MY MMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPppppp1! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEhehehehehehehehehehEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP-P-p-P-P-PppppPPPP!

Grubba tried standing in front of the continuous rape going on the stage to make it seem less like a rape.

Audiance: YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! WUHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GONZALES ZALES HES OUR MAN! IF HE CAN'T DO IT, NO 1 CAN!

Dull Bones 3: MY GOD IT HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTT! GET HER OFF ME PLEASE!

Grubba: Uhh…. Can we? Can we cut to commercial?

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

Hey? Are you looking for glasses? And not because you have don't have 20 - 20 vision? Well, try out our SHUTTER SHADES! They're the seeming sensation that's sweeping the nation! With these bad boys, you can look like you're wearing blinds that partially cover your eyes! Get them in all kinds of colors! We have blue, white, pink, black, and even, GLOW IN THE DARK! Wear these to sleep, in your shower while you pretend to be Kanye West while you pretend to rap and run for president, hit on some hipster girls in Starbucks where they accuse you for rape just because you asked them how their coffee tastes and look cool as fuck doing it! It's fun! We even sell regular glasses without the lenses so you make having bad vision cool and trendy! Buy these glasses for 14 coins or 40 coins for a pack of 3! You must be 18 or older to call.

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

Back in the depraved locker room,

Jolene: You Mr. Gonzalez need to find a way to control your teammates!

Mario: Its not my fault my team mates are a bunch of obscene retards! You can't penalize me for something they did!

Jolene: Your team mate raped 1 of our fighters! Just be lucky that the audience were way too drunk to notice that they just witnessed a sexual assault. If any media of it gets online, we'll have to tell them that that part was staged. It's a good thing Flurrie made it look like wrestling.

Mario: Jokes on you Jolene! Flurrie is a woman, meaning she has no dick! Therefor, she can't rape men cause they ain't got no dick to do it with! So deal with it!

Jolene: *Sigh* I have no time to deal with this. We need to get the Dull Bones some counseling and we need to hire 10 clean up crews to take care of all the vomit from Flurrie's sick appeal. In the mean time, here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 16.

Jolene handed Mario 5 coins.

Jolene slammed the door but not as hard that time.

Flurrie: Wow... That small brained harlot has no clue who the hell I am. *Sigh* I guess the world is not quite ready for the wonders of Flurrie yet are they...?

Mario smacked Flurrie in the face.

Mario: You fucking fat cow! Now your getting me in trouble too! I actually have to keep you off stage for awhile you're so fucking sick in the head.

Flurrie: I wuv you too and your tenacious tests of testosterone.

Flurrie: But seriously, no 1 nowadays can appreciate a good dramatic stage improv... sad world we live in...

Mario: What?

Flurrie: OH SUCH A SAD WORLD WE LIVE IN! *Starts Crying*

Master Crash: WHOA MAN! I CAN'T BOMBING BELIEVE YOUR PARTNER ACTUALLY GOT AWAY WITH RAPE!

Cleftor: Yeah! Just please, whatever you do, don't put her up against me! Please! I don't wanna end up like that girl Jorge Herrera from the Casualties raped. If only he raped me instead.

Goombella opened the door.

Goombella: Wait what's going on? I just came back from a stress walk.

Mario: Ehh... Not much. Flurrie just raped 1 of the opponents and I got another write up. I'm starting to think Jolene's just full of empty threats cause we seem to still be in the roster some how. Maybe it's because that Bubba guy just likes us.

Goombella: FLURRIE RAPED SOME 1 ON STAGE!?

Mario: It was hetero rape. Meaning Grubba won't be as mad I guess.

Koops: Whoa whazzup shotteez? Im back from playing with myself like you said.

Goombella: Flurrie is a fucking rapist! She raped some1 on stage!

Koops: Dayamn biatch! Dats fickin' dope G!

Mario: Ha. Your reaction is so priceless Goombella.

Goombella: WHY AM I ON A TEAM FULL OF RAPISTS!?

Flurrie: Aww... Thanks Goombella!

Goombella: SHUT UP! DON'T TALK TO ME YOU SICK FUCK!

Mario: Wait, even me? Oh yeah... with the spider costume. Hehe. That was supposed to be a prank though.

Koops: Yo? What about me?

Goombella: I still think you're gonna try to pull off some rapey shit some day. Don't know when. Your what I like to call, a pre-rapist.

Koops: Hell yeah!

King K: Yo Great G!? Howz it hangin?

King K addressed Mario while bandaged up and crippled and in a wheel chair.

Mario: Oh hey? What happened? Did some1 push you down the stairs or something? Hahaha. Just kidding. I was there when it happened. How've you been!?

King K: I'M great actually! I'm just happy I survived your bad ol' beating. Thanks to you killing those Pokey's, I'm back on Rank 18! If you can keep up that killing spree on those fighters and making it look like an accident, that would be most appreciated up in these parts!

Goombella: Wow. You actually seem happy after what Mario did to you. Is everything okay?

King K: I've been on these painkillers that have been brightening up my mood you hear? Its pretty cool I gotta say! Makes me feel like Elvis.

Jolene dragged Bandy Andy back into the locker room.

Bandy Andy: OWW! WHAT THE HELL IS YO PROBLEM WHITE BITCH!?

Jolene: Damnit Bandy! For the last time! That room you keep sneaking off to is FOR EMPLOYEES-ONLY! Can't you read!? You better start obeying our system if you want to remain on our roster.

Bandy Andy: Calm your tits before you bleed even more in dem' pantayz!

Jolene: And don't think i'm not writing you up for following me just to stare at me all day! If I find another video on a porn website of me walking again, I'll have you arrested. Do you understand!?

Bandy Andy: Man fuck you! I shove my big ass dick in your rule book biatch!

Jolene: You're on thin ice!

Bandy Andy: Neei neei neei neeeiiii

Jolene slammed the door off the hinges by mistake.

Jolene: GOD DAMNIT! THAT WAS 1 OF YOUR FAULTS!

King K: Yo Bandy. Man, your just the worst kind of person are you. You know, if you keep ignoring the rules, you're getting kicked off.

Bandy Andy: Man! Fuck her! She a stupid bitch niggra!

Mario: THANK YOU!

Bandy Andy: You see, I just can't stop lookin at her ass G! Its like a magnetical energy the just… pulls me in G! You feel me dawg? Hehe.

Bandy Andy closed his eyes in the glimpse of arousal while he pretended to grab Jolene's ass with his hands.

Koops: Yo! B-Dizzle! You actually got to see her ass!?

Bandy Andy slapped Koops for calling him that.

Bandy Andy: Hell yeah I did! Motha fuckuh, I hid a webcam in her toilet 1ce so I got to see that shit. Too bad she like, made me delete that shit before I got a chance to upload that somewhere! Now whenever I jack off, I can only hod onto them ass memories G! It's painful. But man, seriously, she got a big ass ASS! I can like, eat Cereal off dat ass nigga! I'll buy a spoon and some Cocoa Pebbles for that shit I don't give a FFFFFUCK! IM FROM DA HOOOOOOOOOOOD NIGGAAAAAAAAA!

Bandy Andy got really excited, so he started pelvis thrusting while biting his lip like a fucking loser and pretending to spank a girl at a party.

Goombella: Can you guys stop talking about her ass? Its really weirding me out.

Koops: Oh wait, you mean like this G?

Koops started to impersonate the dim witted wigger as he performed light pelvic thrusts awkwardly.

Bandy Andy: Yei yei. Now you're gettin' it!

Mario: Well since you're in such a pile of shit yourself, maybe I'm safer than I thought from getting kicked off the leagues.

King K: Yeah. No 1 will ever be as regardless towards the rules as Bandy is here!

Mario: Is that a challenge? Your on!

Goombella: Say. I have to ask, why don't you guys never register for matches? And it's not you guys, It doesn't seem like many people do it either.

Cleftor: Sometimes when you've been here long enough, you don't really wanna schedule too many matches. You just do it so you won't get disqualified.

Master Crash: SOMETIMES, ITS HARD TO FEEL MOTIVATED TO FIGHT WHEN YOU'RE JUST A MINOR LEAGUER TO THESE PEOPLE. IT REALLY KILLS YOUR SPIRIT! NOWADAYS, WE JUST LIKE TO MAINTAIN WHAT'S LEFT OUR OUT RANKINGS AND IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!

King K: Easy for you to say, your in like, rank 11. I'm only in rank 18. To me, if there's anything more humiliating than last place, its 2nd to last. At least people get a prize for last place.

Mario: Well look on the bright side. Those Ded Boners were weak as hell when we fought them. You can kick their asses no problem when you guys recover.

King K: Thats a good idea! Thanks G!

Master Crash: MAN! I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT FIGHTING THAT BOMBING BOMB HOLE RAWK HAWK! NOT ONLY DID HE SEND ME TO THE HOSPITAL 1CE IN THE GLORYHOLE, BUT HE DID 1 TIME IN THE PARKING LOT WHERE THEY PARK THE BOMBING BLIMP! HE MADE ME LICK THE BOMBING CONCRETE AND I GOT SICK! I HATE HIM I BOMBING HATE HIM!

Bandy Andy: I bet 1 of us can kick his golden feathered chicken ass!

Mario: Yeah. Im gonna do it. Cause i'm fucking Mario. I. Never. Lose.

Goombella: Well that explains your god complex.

Mario: It's true. Since this story started, we always end up kicking the other person's ass. It's really easy. Every1 is weak as fuck so it be no problem. Like King K said, "I'M OP."

King K: Ay You does bring up a good point.

Mario: Well yeah. Now leave me alone so I can reserve a new match.

As Mario tried activating the touchpad, he got really pissed off and kept trying to stab it with his finger not realizing the system was under a maintenance cause of all the puke the cleaning crew needs to clean up in the Glory Hole.

Goombella: Mario! It said its under maintenance several times and that it will re/open in an hour.

Mario: I would have known that if I can just fucking read!

Goombella: Wait. If you can't read, then how come you're able to find out where to push "Reserve a Match"?

Mario: I literally pushed the 1st button I saw. Is it that too hard? ... Crap. What do we do now to kill time?

Cleftor: Wait, crap? As in shit? As in... SHIT PARTAY!?

King K: SHIT PARTAY!

Flurrie: I'M GETTING SOAKING WET AGAIN GUYS!

Later after another compulsive shit partay,

Mario: Man. That was the best shit partay yet. Good job getting me in the eye Bandy. I think I may have gotten pink eye from it! But yeah, I think an hour has past, so I think i'm gonna try registering again.

Goombella: I think I've developed a major tolerance for how many rancid smells I can endure since the series started.

Mario did his touch screen shit where he talked to Grubba.

Grubba was fucking an expensive 3 titted prostitute doggystyle in front of them

Grubba: *pant* *pant* *pant* HOWDY GONZALES *pant* *pant* *pant* DONT *pant* MIND ME *pant* *pant* IM JUST *pant* GETTING *pant* *pant* *pant* MY WEASEL WET *pant* *pant* *pant* BY THIS HERE *pant* *pant* OH YEAH! *pant* 3 *pant* TITTED BITCH!*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Mario: I don't care. I've seen and have been in far weirder porn. Just get to the fucking point!

Grubba: YOUR UP *pant* *pant* AGAINST *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* RANK*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* COME ON *pant* COME ON *pant* 13 *pant* *pant* NO *pant* *pant* 15 *pant* THE SPIKE STORMTROOPERS! *pant* YOUR SO HOT *pant* *pant* OH YEAH! *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* FOR THIS MATCH *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* AH SCREW IT *pant* *pant* *pant* IM GONNA GO FLACCID SOON IF I STOP NOW! *pant* *pant* BLEEEEEERG! *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* ILL PAGE *pant* FOR A SECURITIM! *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! -

Mario: That girl has the grossest tits I've ever seen.

Koops: What was wrong with demm tri-tizzles?

Mario: Well where do I start?

Flurrie: I'd say it was a work of art.

Mario: They were veiny, saggy, moley, disproportionate, stretch marky, hairy, the shapes were all wrong, the areolas were too big, too dark, they were worse than how Flurrie's are now. I mean, yeah. It's cool that there's 3 of them sure, but when you combine that with all those other cons, even that can seem like another problem.

Goombella: Yeah. It's just plane gross really. Even just tits in general. Eww… Not my thing.

Mario: Oh come on. No 1 is grossed out by boobs.

Bandy Andy: Wait, that bitch had 3 boobs!?

King K: Holy Ravioli! I'd masterbate right now if I could but I can't cause I'm so crippled! And I'll grow hair on my palms.

Securitim: Are you ready for your last match of the sub-chapture Mr. Gonzales?

Mario: I've been ready for awhile ass wipe! Now come on Goombella! Lets go! You're the most tolerable partner right now that isn't going through a rap phase, or doesn't have an oozing venereal disease.

Goombella: Sure thang.

Flurrie: You know me so well Mario.

Now that the Glory Hole is all cleaned up from all of the beer puke from Flurrie's hideous appeal, they can actually start fighting now. The stupid ugly audience returned from the shopping sprees along with some of them cosplaying like fucking Mario while eating ugly popsicles shaped like Mario's head. You know? The red and white 1's that look closer to Boo Mario from Super Mario Galaxy? The game that proved that all regular looking boos are gay for Mario in boo form.

Grubba: MALES AND FEMALES, AND CHILDREN AMONG BOTH OF THOSE GENDERS! FER OUR NEXT BATTLE, WE HAVE THE ABSURD NERDS BEYOND ALL MY WORDS! God I hate these guys... ahem! TRY TO GIVE IT UP FOR, THE SPIKE STORMTROOPERS!

the _Star Wars Theme by John Williams _started blasting through the speakers as the team of 1 lakitu and 2 spinies casually walked / hovered on stage despite the fact that the audience was booing the ever loving crap of them on account that they're such nerds.

Spiny 1 (Age 1): Why do we even play here if people boo us everytime for being nerds? I feel more hated than Zatch Bell right now.

Lakitu (Age 24): Werp, this crowd will 1 day UNDERSTAND our obscure references! We might be row revered noobs now, but we'rr show them! We'rr be the greatest things since Knights of the Zodiac!

Spiny 2 (Age 3): Wow! I haven't heard of that anime in a long time!

Grubba: NEXT UP, WE HAVE THE 2ND COMING OF HITLER HIMSELF! THE MAN YOU'VE SEEN BATTLE 4 TIMES IN A ROW ALREADY! LETS HEAR IT FOR GG!

As always, _Ain't Talkin Bout Love by Van Halen_ started playing as the audience roared a chant of "GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!" For Mario and Goombella as they walked up on staged to face their new opponents in style!

Spiny 1 : Check out these n00bz! Some1 better rename these goofballs to GT! Get it!? Instead of GG!? Cause Dragon Ball GT was terrible!

Lakitu : These guys are ramer than new school Sponge Bob!

Spiny 2 : Yeah! Like he said!

Mario: And what the fuck are wrong with these guys!

Goombella: They seem to like referencing random shit I guess…

Mario: I have a plan.

Mario briefly grabbed the microwave- I mean, microphone to expel some more moronic douchery!

Mario: ALRIGHT EVERY1! PAY ATTENTION AND WATCH AS I BEAT THE EVER LOVING VIRGINITY OUT OF THESE DORKS!

Audience: YEAH! KICK THEIR ASS! KICK THEIR ASS! KICK THEIR ASS! KICK THEIR ASS!

Lakitu: Don't worry guild mates! We'rr be tougher than the finar boss from Mushihimesama Futari!

Mario: What?

Lakitu: ROOK IT UP MARIO WANNABE!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 30/63

Goombella: Power Level 45/50

Koops: Torturing the locker mates with his awful rapping

Flurrie: You don't even want to know.

FP: 0/10

V.S.

Lakitu: Power Level 10

Spiny 1: Power Level 19

Spiny 2: Power Level 19

[TURN 1]

_Battle Music: YYZ by Rush_

Lakitu: Hor hor hor. Rook at these round eyed foors!

Mario: Okay Goombella. Time to grind up some more lame asses! Lets do it.

Spiny 1: OBJECTION! ... YOU SUCK! AHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Mario: Starting with you!

Mario impatiently jumped on the Spiny forgetting that they have spikes like the moron he is: [-1 Damage]

Mario: Fuck! Now my other foot is bleeding!

Goombella: Please tell me you somehow didn't see the spikes so I don't think less of you intellectually...

Mario: ... Just stop being a cunt and do your fucking tattle!

Goombella used tattle on Lakitu: You remember Lakitus right? From like, ALMOST ALL OF YOUR GAMES!? Incase you don't, I gotta tell you. They may look like Koopas, but they're actually balding Japanese midgets Nintendo hired to pretend to be Koopas on clouds that drop Spinys. I'll tattle those things next. But yeah, since it's Nintendo doing it, it's not racist!

Mario: So you're entirely oblivious to the fact that your politically correct ass just called them midgets right? Kool.

Spiny 1 metal spike spin dashed himself at Mario stabbing his hip on 3 different angles: [3 Damage]

Mario: OW!

Spiny 1: Ha! This match is getting tighter than those suits from G Gundam!

Spiny 2 also spin dashed Mario stabbing him on the other side giving him 6 stab wounds total. This took Mario on a highway to the danger zone: [3 Damage]

Mario: HOLY FUCK I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN! Well, what ever kills me makes me STRONGER!

Lakitu: Hey! Thats a famous quote by Friedrich Nietzsche! He's a German phirosopher from the 1800s!

Mario: OH I AM SO GOING FOR YOU NOW FUCK FACE!

Lakitu tried throwing a spike ball at Mario but missed on account that nerds can't throw.

[TURN 2]

Goombella: Mario! Hold your rage! Let me step in front so we wont lose!

Goombella uses tattle: This is a Spiny. I'd think you'd remember those, but since you fell for the obvious spikes, I'm kind of questioning that. Yeah, so its HP is 3, attack is 3, and defense is 3. So since power level logic qualifies the value of the attack and defense as 2.5, that means it's calculable equation is 3 x 2.5 x 2.5 which equals 18.75. Since we round by whole numbers, that would mean that they have a power level of 19!

Mario: ARE YOU TRYING TO PUT THE AUDIENCE TO SLEEP!? I'M IN FUCKING DANGER MODE HERE YOU KNOW!

The entire audience was asleep from the boring ass tattle.

Lakitu: Wow! I'm an asian nerd and even I found that math shit boring.

Mario double jumped on Lakitu knocking him out. Since Mario is in danger, his attack is raised by 2 on account that he has the Power Rush badge equipped: [8 Damage]

Also, Lakitu's cloud just dropped the naked Lakitu on the floor.

Lakitu's cloud (Age 22): FUCK THIS SHIT! I'M OTTA HERE NIGGAS!

The cloud flew away.

Spiny 2: WHOA DID YOU SEE THAT!? HE GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

Spiny 1 smacked Spiny 2.

Spiny 1: We do NOT do Chris Tucker quotes out loud! You used to know this! *sigh* Lets just kick this Mario rip off character's ass already so we can go play Team Fortress 2!

Spiny 1 tried spin dashing Goombella but ultimately failed on account that she knew how to time her counter kick move on them: [-1 Damage]

Same with Spiny 2: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Goombella: Mario! Nows our chance to use the POW block. It will pierce through their defense by 2 which is exactly what we need for a sheer victory!

Mario: Yeah…. I have a better idea!

Mario pulled out Koops' phone from his pocket for a treacherous upcoming move.

Goombella: Mario. Is that Koops' phone?

Mario: Yes. I'm gonna use this phone to finish these geeks off with something worse than the Cancer Holocaust itself!

Mario started playing an episode of Loonatics Unleashed for the 2 Spinies. This caused them to scream in agony as their faces melted off along with them screaming and running around frantically.

Mario: SU-sususuusuuuuuck ONononononononon THA-AT!

Incase you didn't notice, that was Mario singing the little victory theme of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door after a battle. You've played the game right? That's why you're reading this I think?

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba woke up after his nap due to Goombella's tattle tangent earlier.

Grubba: Whoa wh-wh-wh-what? What happened?

Grubba looked around at Goombella, the bloody pissed off Mario, the passed out Lakitu, and Spinys running around without faces. They couldn't scream cause Loonatics Unleashed melted their mouths shut so they can't physically scream. It's actually a scientific fact that Loonatics Unleashed actually does melt off the faces of smart people. You've been warned

Grubba: WOO-HEE! DID I SAY THAT RIGHT? OH WELL. LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A WINNER! GIVE IT UP FOR THE GREAT GONZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALES!

The audience randomly woke up and and started clumsily cheering despite not knowing what's going on.

Audience: GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP* GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP* GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP* GONZALEZ GIVES ME CLAP! GONZALES! *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Mario: Ha! I always wanted to do that!

Goombella: Didn't you do basically do the same thing from 3 - 13 only with Loonatics Unleashed instead of Johnny Test?

Mario: They don't know that. Not 1 bit no how.

**Chapture 4 - 12: Legg-O Dat Egg-O! I'm sorry. That was a really unfunny joke.**

Back to the locker room as if a new sub-chapter never even started...

Mario: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M TEMPORARILY SUSPENDED FROM THE GLORY HOLE!?

Jolene: You're a dangerous out of control psychopath that clearly has no respect for your opponents!

Mario: Yeah, but I didn't kill any1 this time!

Jolene: Yeah, but you melted their faces off when you played an episode of that abysmal Loonatics Unleashed cartoon! If you read the contract, you would know that Loonatics Unleashed is strictly illegal to play in Glitzville. You're just lucky Grubba slept through it. What kind of deranged human being would show some1 something like that!?

Mario: This guy!

Mario pointed both of his thumbs at himself thinking it would prove a point.

Jolene: Your lucky i'm not the boss or I would have had you fired a few matches ago. Your lucky Grubba and I compromised on only a suspension. Well anyway, here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 15.

Jolene handed Mario 5 coins.

Jolene walked out the door path that was originally a door until she broke it.

Mario: Damn. I feel like she's taking coins out of my ass-kicking allowance.

Koops: Yo GG- unit! Have you seen mah phony phone!?

Mario: Yeah. I was using it to play a Loonatics Unleashed episode you illegally downloaded. I knew playing an episode would work best on nerds and it did!

Koops: Wowziggles! Ay! Did you see if mah biatch Koopie Koo messaged my yellow arse back on F-bizzles!

Mario: Facebook?

Koops: I've been sendin her some of mah rap poetry! You think she'll like it!?

Mario: No, but if you're trying to prevent her from ever talking to you again, your doing great!

Goombella: I'm getting kind of worried about us getting the star at this rate if we've already gottien in THIS MUCH trouble!

Mario: Don't look at me! You jumped on the fucking "LETS BE FAMOUS FIGHTERS" bandwagon Koops started! You actually listened to Koops, and outnumbered what your fucking leader was talking about! If we just went with my idea, we could have gotten the star long by now no problem!

King K: Ay yo Great G! What are you guys talkin about in this town?

Mario: None of business fuck plug. Now go away before I expel suspicious acid piss on your cast!

Mario nonchalantly pissed on King K's cast.

King K: Its coo! I heard about yuh gettin suspended from the Glory Hole! Thats rough dude! But I know whatta cheer yuh up some! The hot dog stand down in the town! But let me get you in a big scoop about this here new ingredient they got goin on! Eva hear about these things called Yoshi's?

Mario: Well, have you heard about these things called "MARIO GAMES!?"

King K: Well basically, they're these Barney looking knock off dinosaur based things that lay eggs. Heck, they even live in an island named after them called Yoshi's Island. So yeah. Basically, Glitzville shipped in a bunch of these Yoshi Eggs and now the hotdog stand is making em' dogs out of them. Word on the street is: These Yoshi Eggs contain steroids in em' to make fighters fight better. Even though it's technically illegal to inject them in us. They don't say nothin about eating them in egg form. Oh yeah! Get em' before those hippy protesters ruin it.

Master Crash: THOSE HOTDOGS LOOK BOMBING AMAZING! I'D EAT THEM IF I HAD A BOMBING MOUTH!

Cleftor: I tried them. They taste amazing!

Goombella: Wait, protesters? Oh geez…. I hope they're not from U Goom. We got it pretty bad with dumb protester students. It's actually kind of scary.

King K: I love hot dogs! They remind me of what the 50s must taste like!

Mario: Yes, we get it. You Koopas have a secret love for hot dogs because they subconsciously remind you of red sweaty penises.

Koops: Well I'm down with the Dawgs that are shaped like Lawgs that turn my Cawgs!

Mario: What the hell are you talking about now?

Koops: I like to rhyme! It ain't no crime!

Mario: Whatever. Lets go check it out. I need to get my mind off this Glory Hole bullshit while I'm suspended. A little fresh air might keep me from going on a berserk homicidal rampage where I kill every1 on this floating island.

Flurrie: Hey guys! Wanna know what I was doing?

Every1 Else: NO!

As they were walking through the lobby, Great Gonzales and his G Team were encountered by a massive herd of toads and totally non asian lakitus that were hovering around Rawk Hawk trying to get his picture as if he was the most popular kid in a high school musical. Every Toadette had Rawk Hawk sign their non existent boobs.

Rawk Hawk: EASY LADIES! THERES PLENTY OF HAWK TO GO INSIDE OF YOUR TWATS AND MAKE YOU ALL BAWK! THE REST OF YOU DUDES! STAY AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T SWING THAT WAY YOU SISSIES!

Goombella: My god that guy's a douche. Does he ever talk without all caps?

Koops: Man dat guy is cray cray and all bout dat play play okay kay?

Mario smack Koops compulsively.

Koops: YOUCH!

Mario: Sorry. Force of Habit.

Toadina(Age 25): RAWK HAWK! SIGN ME NEXT!

Toady (Age 21): WE LOVE YOU!

Toadla (Age 23): PLEASE FUCK ME AGAINST THE WALL RAWK HAWK!

Toadel (Age 20): HAVE MY BABY I'M ALREADY PREGNANT WITH!

Goombella: Jeez! How are we gonna get through here?

Mario: By doing what I've done to almost every door I've met so far.

Mario pulled out his hammer in an ominous fashion getting ready to hurt more people.

Mario started brutally smashing through the Rawk Hawk fan girls including the pregnant 1s cracking their faces open with his hammer like eggs. It was pretty gory and disturbing and it ideally could qualify as a massacre, but luckily, every1 is stupid so Team M can get away with it. They made it to the door no prob.

Mario: See? A hammer solves any problem if you put your balls into it!

Koops: Hey! Where Flurrie! Is she in a hurry?

Toadude (Age 27): RAWK HAWK! CAN YOU SIGN MY HAT? MY DAUGHTER IS A HUMONGOUS FAN!

Rawk Hawk Halkin' Punched the fan into the wall for having a penis.

Rawk Hawk: BACK OFF JACK OFF! I WANT MALE FANS THAT WORSHIP ME IN A STRAIGHT WAY! ONLY FEMALES ARE ALLOWED TO BE 5 FEET CLOSE TO ME. THE ONLY TIME WHEN IT'S OKAY FOR GUYS IS WHEN I'M PUNCHING THEM WITH MY FISTS! HAR HAR HAR!

Flurrie: Rawk Hawk! Sign my tatas!

Rawk Hawk: BLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Rawk Hawk puked all over Flurrie.

Flurrie: Ooooo…. I didn't know Hawks can get bird flew! Sexyyyyy...

Rawk Hawk: ALRIGHT! MEET AND GREETS ARE OVAH! I HAVE TO BANG SOME GROUPIES TO GET MY MIND OFF OF THIS CLOUD THING FOR BEING SO UGLAY!

Mario and his strange friends stepped out of the main Glitzville building and noticed a wild herd of vegan obsessed protesters that think they're in Peta as they held up pissed off signs of glitter and arts and macaroni to boycott Yoshi Egg hotdogs. 100 of them surrounded a Pig character with no ears who closes his pupils like eyes without closing his actual eyes if that makes any sense. If you've seen what he looks like or remember, you'd know what im talking about.

Protesters: DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER! DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER! DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER! DOWN WITH MEAT! CAUSE ITS MURDER! DO NOT EAT THE FUCKING BURGER!

Pig Slop (Age 42): Leave me alone you dirty protesters! Can't you see this is hurting my business!?

Random Protester 1 (Age 19): DON'T EAT YOSHIS!

Random Protester 2 (Age 23): BLOOD = M. !

Random Protester 3 (Age 21): EVERY ANIMAL WITH A FACE SHOULD BE KEPT UNHARMED!

Random Protester 3 attempted to throw a cocktail at Pig Slop but missed him and the truck.

Random Protester 4 (Age 20) started punching himself while expressing emotions.

Random Protester 4: LIVING IS SACRED!

Pig Slop: I gotta get out of here!

Random Protester 5 (Age 18) started laying naked on a giant plate to imply that eating is murder.

Random Protester 5: THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING WHEN YOU EAT MEAT!

Pig Slop: Can't you see i'm a fucking Pig!? How do you think I feel when people eat pork!?

Random Protester 6 (Age 21): EATING IS MURDER! THAT'S WHY I DON'T EVER EAT EVER!

Random Protester 7 (Age 20) held up a baby chick with a tight grip.

Random Protester 7: THIS IS WHAT YOUR HOT DOG STAND IS DOING!

Random Protester 7 pulled out a knife a slit the baby chick's throat to express why killing animals is wrong…*sigh*

Random Protester 4: LET THAT ANIMAL ALONE PIG!

Mario: What the hell is going on here?

Goombella: Oh great... I recognise some of these people from college.

Koops: They seem kind of dumb and filled with scum yo!

Goombella: Yes. Even you find them dumb! Thats how dumb they really are.

Mario: Who gives a shit. I'm getting my ass 1 of these dogs now!

Goombella: Yeah but-

Random Protester 8 (Age 19): Hey! Is that Goombella!

Random Protester 9 (Age 20): Goombella! Long time no see!

Random Protester 10 (Age 22): Eww its Goombella! Lets not talk to her. SHE FINDS RAPE FUNNY!

Goombella: OH COME ON! I WAS MAKING A JOKE ABOUT A BAD SCENARIO WHERE YOU SHOULDN'T YELL THE WORD "RAPE"! NO 1 EVEN GOT RAPED IN THE JOKE! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE RETARDS!

Random Protester 11 (Age 21): NOW SHE'S BASHING THE MENTALLY DISABLED PEOPLE! EVERY1 HISS AT HER!

Some of the protesters: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Goombella: You're the 1s bashing them by affiliating the word "retard" with them!

Mario: Nah. They're just mad because if you google the word "retard" they find their names and faces in a related search.

Mario slammed his hammer on the ground creating a path for his party to reach the hotdog stand. This move knocked 17 of the protesters off the cliff.

A rainbow spotted egg suddenly hopped out of the greasy hot dog truck and started bouncing around trying to avoid getting turned into some fat drunk's dinner.

Pig Slop: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT 1 WAS MY LAST CRACK BABY EGG! NOW IT'S HOPPING ALL OVER THE PLACE! GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID FUCKING EGG!

Protester 12 (Age 19): SEE THAT!? ITS MOVING!

Mario: What's all this shit going on?

Pig Slop: 1 OF MY EGGS IS GOING AWOL AND NOW IT'S HOPPING ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE! AWW MAN! AND NOW ALL THESE PROTESTERS ARE GOING NUTS! AT THIS RATE, IM SURE TO GET SOME PRETTY BAD YELP REVIEWS!

Goombella: I love how they're standing still yelling and not trying to help save the egg.

Mario: Say no more talking incest Pig! I will abort the shit out of that egg with my hammer!

Protesters: YAY! ABORTION?

Mario chased the-

Goombella: Mario! Stop! You keep slipping on the ground trying to catch the egg and it's embarrassing.

Mario: Well, maybe if my cock wasn't so damn long, it would be easier not to trip on the floor!

Goombella: You're tripping on your own feet moron.

Mario: Shut up! I got this!

Pig Slop: YEAH! GET IT! GET IT! SMASH THE FUCK OUT OF IT!

Random Protester 13 (Age 20): NO! SAVE IT! SAVE IT! SAVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT!

The Yoshi egg some how hopped on top of the hot dog truck. This is why Yoshi's shouldn't smoke crack while eating. They shit eggs and the crack chemical get inside their premature Yoshi's minds man! They jump high!

Mario: OH WHAT THE FUCK! NOW WE HAVE TO GET ON TOP OF THE FUCKING TRUCK!? GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

Koops: But can't you jump without giving a hump!? Your fuckin Mario right?

Mario: I can't jump very well in this game yet! Not until after a few more upcoming chaptures!

Goombella: Whoa! Don't spoil the story for people!

Mario: Yeah, but was that really even a spoiler though?

Pig Slop started stomping around like a Mel Gibson yelling at a woman's ass.

Pig Slop: NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GRAB THE EGG!?

Mario: When pigs fly! Literally!

Pig Slop: Fuck you WOP! Get my egg!

Mario: Fuck you too! I'm killing you after I get the egg for saying that.

They started walking around looking for some results of a way to hop on the truck. Seriously. I love how in Grand Theft Auto, you can just climb onto a truck, but not in Paper Mario. Them games got it backwards.

On an unrelated note, that team of 3 black high school girls came to Glitzville and were seen twerking in the background for the other civilians for who knows why.

Koops: Yo looky dat! Its them twerkers! Imma get me some more of that ass!

Mario and Goombella restrained Koops to keep him from doing some more stupid shit.

Goombella: Damnit! Don't be a retard! If you try spanking them like last time, 2 things can happen. 1, they can smack you off Glitzville with their butt cheeks, or those protesters will eat you alive for being rapey despite the whole purpose of their protest!

Koops: Man! Well some1 gotta tap dem asses! Look at em! Them's need tappin!

Goombella: Will you stop whining about you wanting to touch their gross butts!

Flurrie: You guys go ahead and find a way to get that egg. I got a plan.

Flurrie joined the twerk team of jailbait teens as she started twerking with them creating a twerk quartet.

Goombella: EWW! COME ON FLURRIE! THATS NASTY! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!111

Mario: And that's when I just realized that Flurrie could have floated on to the truck and grabbed the egg that way...

Koops: Yo look! I see 1 of em' airplane shrines on dat Jamba Juice! Whadat doin dere? Maybe we can climb on it and fly I don't lie!

Mario: You're missing the point Koops. We. Can't. Climb. Things. Stupid.

Goombella: Well there's a staircase to the top of the building. Can't we just use that?

Mario: …. Sure! Why the fuck not.

They casually walked up the stairs where they found a **Power Plus P** Badge in a treasure chest. It's a pink badge with a fist pumping upwards for pink power that can boost the partner's power level up by increasing their attack power by 1. This could make Goombella and Koops stronger than Mario if they had the BP to use it.

Koops: Yo! Is that candy!?

Mario: STOP THINKING MY BADGES ARE CANDY OR IM PUSHING YOU OFF GLITZVILLE!

Goombella: Oh cool! It looks like a badge that can make all but Mario stronger. Perfect!

Mario: Except I don't have enough BP to wear it. Even if I did, there is no way in hell I am letting any of you get stronger than me.

Koops: Can'tcha jus put dat shit on without the BP?

Mario: I've explained this before. If I do that, my skin will turn inside out and I will actually die from internal bleeding.

Koops: Oh... uhh... Hey look! 1 of em' trampolines boss! Let's use it to jump on the extra platform with dat Rawk Cawk guy's picture on it G!

Koops hopped on the random trampoline on the ceiling that was supposed to be thrown away months ago. Instead of landing on the shrine like he wanted to, his jump was just too narrow in range so when he tried landing, he missed the shrine and brutally bashed his chin really hard on the corner of it making him fall on the paved floor briefly knocking him out.

Mario: He doesn't pay attention does he... Oh well. We got an egg to fuck anyway.

Mario and Goombella on the other hand, hopped on the trampoline and landed on the plane shaped shrine Koops was talking about.

Goombella: Say, I wonder how they found 1 of these shrines? It seems a little odd that there would be 1 on top of a Jamba Juice.

Mario: We'll probably find out an answer to that later on. I don't know. Now stand back. Imma pullin mah pants down!

Mario pulled down his pants and underwear so he can do the ritual where he can turn into a plane. It's been awhile since he's done this huh. Damn! Also, every1 walking around started looking and freaking out over Mario standing on top of a building bottomless like a hairy Italian Porky Pig.

Goombella: WHY MARIO!? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE!

Bub: WHOA COOL! Hey mommy look! That man has his penis out! Hehehehe.

Sylvia: DONT LOOK DEARIE! THAT MAN IS SICK AND GROSS!

Goldbob: WE'RE SUING YOU FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE AND SCARRING OUR CHILD FOR LIFE SIR!

Bub: I don't think it's a big deal papa. I mean, its just a penis. We all know they exist.

Goldbob: I SAID YOU'RE SCARRED FOR LIFE!

Goldbob smacked his son for not being scarred for life.

Goombella: Can you PLEASE make this quick Mario!? I hear alot of people freaking out over you being indecently exposed in public!

Mario: Fine fine.

Mario start rubbing his bare ass on it like a dog along with skid marking the shrine this time. As a result, he transformed into a little plane version of himself!

Random Person (Age 33): What the fuck! Is this guy a majician?

Another random person kicked that random person in the balls.

Other Random Person (Age 37) : Your goin to hell for saying that!

Mario flew on top of the hotdog truck to try and grab the bouncing egg.

Mario: Now die by my hands, egg!

Mario continued to circle around the egg bouncing away from him. The egg pulled a ridiculous stunt on him where the egg hopped above Mario's head and landed behind him. Then, he jumped in a way that knocked Mario off the truck defeating all that prep work of his he did to get on top of the truck. Hey, realistically, wouldn't the egg have cracked long by now if it's been hopping around like crazy on a hard surfaces? Mario games and physics... hmm...

Mario: SON OF A BITCH!

Goombella: *sigh* Don't tell me you just fell off trying to grab an egg..

Mario: OH TO HELL WITH THIS!

Mario grabbed onto the bottom side of the truck and began lifting.

Pig Slop: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZZY OUF!

Mario: KILLING 2 BIRDS! WITH 1 TRUCK!

Pig Slop: WAIT DON'T DO- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mario: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Mario with all of his brute force flipped the truck over crushing Pig Slop to deth. Hot dogs, chips, soda, and deep fryer juice spilled everywhere. Not to mention there was a big ass fire over the truck. Welp. Looks like no more hotdogs for any1 now. And the egg just hopped off unharmed with no problem.

The Protesters: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Mario: OH YOU ALL CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES TOO!

Mario grabbed 1 of the hotdogs on the ground and shoved it into 1 of the female vegetarian protesters mouths like a cock. She started crying with the hotdog still in her mouth.

Mario: Eat meat and get raped you slut!

This dearly pissed off all the liberal arts college protesters.

Random Protester 13: MEAT IS BAD! VEGAN ALL TEH WAY!

Random Protester 14 (Age 20): RAPE IS NOT FUNNY!

Random Protester 15 (Age 19): I'M AGAINST SLUT SHAMING!

Random Protester 16 (Age 21): ABORTION IS A CONFUSING SUBJECT!

Mario: SHUT UP! I hope the rest of you get force fucked and kill yourselves! Lets go team! Lets go back to fighting people on stage.

The Hotdog truck exploded killing and injuring all of the protesters.

Goombella: I can't believe you're not worried about totally getting banned from Glitzville now! I mean, you just blew up that Hot Dog Truck!

Mario: Did I? Or did a bunch of suicide bombing protesters do it? Plus, I just killed some of your annoying classmates. So you're welcome.

Goombella: True...

Koops: Looky here! Dat Egg be followin our asses and shit!

Koops spotted the bouncing Yoshi Egg following the spazztastic team.

Koops: Whatya think we otta do with that shit?

Mario: ...hmm….

Mario: LET THERE BE HOT DOGS!

Mario was about to stomp on the egg it while being interrupted by Goombella and Koops saving the possible Yoshi inside.

Goombella: STOP AT 1CE! LOOK! IT LOVES US!

Mario: You were both on board with me killing it not too long ago!

Goombella: Yeah, but now it just joined our party apparently!

_A Yoshi Egg has joined your party_

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! YOU MEAN WE HAVE A 5TH MEMBER JOINING NOW!? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK!

Koops: What wrong with this thang followin us!? The more the merrier right!?

Mario: NO! I hate including more partners! You 3 are hard enough to tolerate as it is! We don't need anymore lame partners! AHH! DAMNIT! Why is it even following us anyway!?

Goombella: Probably because we killed that pig along with his hotdog stand. So now it thinks we must be it's parents or something.

Koops: Sweet! Imma be a great daddy! All I gotta do is play video games with him all day! Sweet!

Mario: Shut up! Were not fucking parents! This is all just 1 big clustercuck of a situation. Lets just go back to our locker room and figure some shit out. Lets go Flurrie!

Flurrie: Just go on without me! I'm gonna twerk my buns off with these lovely bootylicious broads for a little while longer.

Mario: Whatevs. Like I really even give a fuck right now.

Black to the locker room and shit,

Master Crash: HEY GG! HOW ARE YOU BOMBING DOING!?

Mario: PISSED OFF!

King K: Aww… What's wrong Gonzales?

Bandy Andy: Yo! And what with that gay ass egg followin yo ass nigga?

Mario: Thats the fucking problem! I hate having partners join my badass team! It really gives me this stinging feeling of stress on the tip of my fucking penis i'm so frustrated! I'm just gonna keep punching this locker and never stop!

Mario started excessively punching a hole in a locker in the frustration of gaining a new partner. Im sure you guys know what im talking about right? Or maybe it's 1 of Mario's unpopular opinions.

Master Crash: WELL THATS BOMBING COOOOOOOL! ITS ALWAYS GOOD WHEN YOU CAN GET MORE CREW TO JOIN YOUR BOMBING POSSE MAN!

Mario: No! It's not cool. It's just a bouncing fucking egg that can't do shit other than bounce!

Goombella: Stop punching the locker Mario. Can't you see that your fist is TOTALLY bleeding?

Mario: I don't fucking care! I'm way too pissed off the feel pain right now!

Koops: Yo shoulda woulda coulda use dat fistin on dem udda fightaz yo!

Mario: AND YOU! STOP BEING A FUCKING WIGGER! ITS MORE STRESSFUL FOR ME THAN EVER TO HOLD BACK ALL OF THESE URGES TO STRANGLE YOU RIGHT NOW!

Cleftor: He's right. You're already a rising star. Use them fists to the best of your abilities!

Mario: FUCK YOU! THATS A GREAT IDEA! OKAY!

Mario angrily pressed the touch screen in order to contact Grubba to reserve the match. Ah you know how that system works by now. Do I have to keep explaining it!?

Grubba: Well howdy there Gonzales! I see you're trying to reserve a match! You do know you're on this dun here suspension from being too dangerous right? BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT on the other hand, danger is good for our business! Its gets em' money payin' customers all riled and dialed up! So don't mind Jolene. The crowd loves you. And I think its time to put an end of there here suspension of yours eh? So now that we have that established, lets put you up against them dum here rank 14ers. The White-and-Dirties! And for this match, see if you can go without your hammer this match! No reason particularly! I'M JUST ON A HEAP OF COCAINE RIGHT NOW! I PRACTICALLY SLEEP ON THAT SHIT YOU HERE!? NOW GET OUT THERE AND LAY AN ABORTION ON THOSE BOZOS! SIGNIN OFF!

Call End.

Bandy Andy: Yo mah nigga! Looks like your crew are against my crew's asses!

Koops: No way in the day! That all cray cray fo jay jay!

Mario: Stop being stupid Koops. Anyway, you mean we're fighting you and your wigger friends? Pffft! That's hilarious!

Bandy Andy: Yeah! You gotta fight all 4 of us nigga! We used to have a gang of 5, but mah brotha from another motha got crushed to deth by an random anvil last week in Ghettoport stealin some wop's cigarettes and shit! It sucks though! I'll kill that niggas ass if I get the chance G! But you're all goochy!

Mario: *snickering*

Goombella: Hey Mario. I noticed that you've been fresh out of FP for like, 5 matches! Maybe since the opponents are getting tougher plus almost getting fucked over last match, maybe you should I don't know. Maybe stalk up on some HP and FP.

Mario: I guess. I'll just eat some shrooms and drink some vadgelly syrup before going on stage?

Master Crash: VADGELLY SYRUP!? CAN I BOMBING HAVE SOME!

Mario: Hell the fuck no! It only works when me and other partner's do it.

Brandy Andy: You want some syringes for that shit?

Mario: No thanks. That only works for the ultra stuff we haven't covered yet.

Bandy Andy: All good nigga.

Mario consumed the legal drugs boosting his FP back to normal and raising his health [5+]

King K: Couldn't you just have gotten some ZZZs and restored some of em' Power Levels and what not?

Mario: And wake up with some kind of cancerous rash? I don't think so.

Goombella: Don't forget your tonic water.

Mario: Yes mom.

Mario drank his tonic water really vacating the hell out of his inventory. Which is cool.

Securitim: GG and BA! Your chariot awaits! Get it? Hehe. But seriously. Time to battle!

Mario: Alright. Koops! Watch the egg! Or don't I dont give a shit.

Koops: Okay in the day!

Mario and Goombella along with Bandy Andy went off. The Yoshi Egg was left sitting on the bench doing nothing but what a normal egg should.

Now were back to the Glory Hole battles for real now!

Grubba: MALE AND FEMALE CREATURES OF ALL KINDS! ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER EXCITING BATTLE DOWN IN THE GLORY HOLE!?

Audiance: YIPPEEEEEEEE!

Grubba: FOR THIS MATCH, WE SEE THEM ROLLING! THE HATING! TRY TO CATCH THEM! ITS THE WHITE-AND-DIRTY!

The Speakers blasted the chorus of _Ridin' Dirty by Chamillionaire_ as Bandy Andy and 3 of his brothaz from otha mothaz all did their own embarrassing rap dances as they approached the stage like the Stanky Leg, Swag Surfin', and The Barney. Guess which dance Bandy Andy was doing? Yes! You got it! The Solja Boy! Some of the families in the background started twerking for them. Even the dogs, even the cats, and even dare I say… the children!

Grubba: AND LETS NOT FORGET THE PATHOLOGICAL DEMON FROM HELL! THE 1 STRAIGHT FROM SATAN'S RIGHT HAND THRONE HIMSELF! YOU GUESSED IT! THE GREAT GONZALES!

_Ain't talkin bout Love by Van Halen _started blasting while Mario and 1 of his obscure friends hopped on stage. As usual, the crowd cheered and partook in ill mannered behaviors while they cheered like loonatics while they bashed their brains with Mario hammer souvenirs to support his fighting career somehow.

Bandy Andy: Every1! Watch as I beat this fat nigga with the titties' ass! Yeah you like that name huh? Fat nigga with the titties!? Fat nigga with the titties!? It's the fat nigga with the titties every1!

Mario: Your team name is a crappy hybrid of Ridin' Dirty and Weird Al's parody. But it does describe your character all too well!

Bandy Andy: Aw shit man! Don't think imma go easy on your ass nigga! I was born in prison motha fuckah! My mom like to stole from Target and shit!

Mario: You're only proving my case stronger!

Bandy Andy: Yeah? Well Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!

Mario: Your momma is so fat, she had her own reality show episode on TLC for being 1000 pounds, and died!

Bandy Andy: Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp!

Mario: Yo mommas so fat and old, Noah took his arc and swam inside of her. And penis!

Bandy Andy: Yo mommas so-

Goombella: Can you 2 stop the lame yo momma jokes and just fucking fight already!?

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Power Level 45/50

Koops: More shameful shit.

Flurrie: TWERKIN'

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Bandit 1 (Age 25): Power Level 10

Bandit 2 (Age 24): Power Level 10

Big Bandit (Age 23): Power Level 20

Bandy Andy: Power Level 20

Battle Music: _Fergie by Ludacris_

[TURN 1]

Bandy Andy: GG! Why yo ass standin behind your lady bitch?

Goombella: Who the hell are you calling bitch, bitch!

Mario: And why are you standing behind your 3 other pussy partners?

Bandy Andy: Man, I'll fuck yo couch in the day nigga!

Goombella uses tattle on the regular bandits: These are Bandits. They're these unwealthy unintelligent creatures that like to live in shit. I mean. They aspire to behave like stereotypical idiotic african americans when they are in actuality, idiotic caucasian folks trying to be black stereotypes. But yeah. They steal shit and are so full of themselves, that they have absolutely no regards for other people.

Mario: Try call them wiggers next time. It'll get the point across much faster.

Mario uses power jump on 1 of the regular bandits giving his ass a concussion in 1 hit: [6 Damage]

Bandit 2: DAMN! That shit be bleeding man!

Big Bandit: Lets just smoke their asses Bandy!

Bandy Andy: Heel yei!

Bandit 2 ran really fast and kicked Goombella in the face like a G: [2 Damage]

Big Bandit also ran really fast and pimp slapped Goombella in the face: [3 Damage]

Goombella: These guys are hard to counter!

Bandy Andy tried slapping her ass area but she counters him by kicking him on the balls: [-1 Damage]

Bandy Andy: DAMN NIGGA! FUCK THAT SHIT!

Goombella: You had that 1 coming asshole!

[TURN 2]

Bandit 2: Check it out Gs! I stole 1 of their coins!

The bandit raised up 1 of his coins to taunt them.

Goombella: HOW!? I don't even hold the money! Mar- I mean, Great Gonzales does.

Bandit 2: Next turn i'm gonna run out and buy some weed with that shit!

Mario: This game has some fucking retarded ass logic.

Goombella: Whatever. Imma gonna do mah other tattle.

Goombella uses tattle on Big Bandit: This is Big Bandit. They're not really bigger than regular bandits. Although, they do have a power level of 20. 2ice as much as a regular bandit. I guess they also wear green hoodies instead of red, but that's not important. They seem to go after your items instead of your coins so look out.

Mario: Well jokes on him cause we don't have shit for them!

Mario pulled another mighty power jump attack knocking out yet another bandit on the floor. Note that a Power Jump is different than a Power bounce since the power bounce is the 1 with more than 1 or 2 bounces: [6 Damage]

Big Bandit: Damn Nigga! He be takin us out like flies! You didn't tell me he was that tough.

Bandy Andy: Maaaan shut the fuck up! I never even seen his ass fight before! We got this!

Big Bandit sucker punched Goombella: [3 Damage]

Bandy Andy tried kissing Goombella with his dirty ass unbrushed breath. Goombella just countered by head butting the sleazy bandit: [-1 Damage]

Bandy Andy: Why can't I get a hit on her nigga?!

Goombella: Probably cause you keep trying to molest me on stage you creep!

Big Bandit: Doesn't matter. I got their POW Block up in here! I'd like to see them get this shit in time!

Mario: Fuck! I forgot we had that 1!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses-

Flurrie: HOLD ON!

Flurrie bursted through the doors and floated on stage.

Flurrie: I got something I need to show off for all you lovelies out there!

Flurrie: Hit it!

Flurrie requested that the DJ change the song to _Bertha Butt Boogie by Jimmy Castor_.

And guess what Flurie did? Yep. She twerked her ass off in front of every1 to this song. It was the sickest most grossest thing to ever be seen. It was disturbingly in synch with the beat of the song. She twerked so much, that it actually started to make the stage stink of a foul fecal odor.

Bandy Andy and Big Bandit: BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Mario and Goombella: BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Grubba: BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

Every1 else: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Meanwhile while Koops was hiding in a corner firing his glue gun at the wall while using the egg to block off the others from seeing him.

Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Every1 puked so much that an ocean of puke started a tidal wave outside of the gloryhole, and outside of Glitzville! It all bursted out the doors and the whole town was covered in more puke than ever before. It was like a fucking Fantasia movie! Only with puke. Lots and lots of Puke. Some families actually fell off Glitzville getting caught in the waves of puke. But most of all, every1 important survived. Except for their labido's for asses since Flurrie killed that for all of them.

Flurrie inhaled intensely and exhaled with sheer arousal from the massive odor of vomit.

Flurrie: My my... That was the hottest thing I have ever experienced...

The audience was scarred for life.

Bandy Andy: FUCK THIS SHIT! WE GIVE UP! WE'RE OUT OF HERE NIGGA!

Big Bandit: What you said man!

The 2 remaining fighters forfeited due to that life changing view on asses from now on. Let me reiterate. Thanks to Flurrie, no human can ever see asses the same way again.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: Uuuhhhh... We have a BLERG! ... sorry. We have a winner! THE GREAT GONZALES!

The Audience started cheering again not really caring that the whole floating town was trenched in puke.

Audience: YICKY YA YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Flurrie: Anytime you care for another lesson, we'll be here!

Mario: Just shut the fuck up Flurrie. Just…. shut up...

Back to the locker room.

Jolene: This is why Grubba should never have let you back into the dojo. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SUSPENDED FOR A TOTAL OF A FEW WEEKS!

Mario: To be fair, this time I actually was playing fairly. Its fucking Flurrie. I only brought fucking Goombella with me so blame Flurie!

Flurrie: YEAH! BLAME ME! BLAMING ME TURNS ME ON!

Mario: SHUT UP FLURRIE YOU SICK WHORE!

Jolene: Ugg... Thanks to your faul sub-cretin of a partner, Glitzville will permanently smell like puke forever. And now we need to hire 50 clean up crews to clean up Glitzville. Your partner Flurrie is banned from twerking world wide. And if your partner does anything gross like that again, we will see to it that you are all legally executed. But on the bright side, you got Bandy to stop looking at my rear end area. He seems like he'll be pretty turned off by that part of me for a long time. So... thank you. Here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 14.

Jolene handed Mario 6 fucking coins finally boosting up his allowance a little.

Bandy Andy: Yo! Have you ever been anally raped before? Hehe!

Jolene: DAMNIT! I was wrong.

Jolene walked back to her office to hire way too many cleaning crews.

Bandy Andy Approached Mario while brushing the puke off his face.

Bandy Andy: Damn shoty! I dont usually pull out cause im a real G! But that was some of the worst twerkin I have ever seen dawg! I almost never wanna touch or look at another ass again! But nothing will ruin the ass for Bandy G! NOTHIN! I promise….

Koops: Damn! Dat Gluteus Maximus be all nasty and it's long lasty!

Bandy Andy: The hell is a gluteus maximus?

Master Crash: IT'S ANOTHER NAME FOR A BOMBING REAR END!

Bandy Andy: BLEEEEEEEERG!1

Bandy Andy: AWW MAN! Now that really just killed my sex drive forever G! But I gotta say Greater G than G! I bet if yo partner bitch didn't pull that ass shit, I would have whooped yo ass nigga!

Mario: No you wouldn't. On turn 3, Goombella would have delt 4 Damage on Big Bandit, then I would have jumped on him knocking him out giving him another 4 Damage. Then you would have tried pulling some rapey shit on Goombella again which she would have countered. Then on turn 4, we would have just finished you off and we'd win that way.

Bandy Andy: Damn GG! You right. You got me man! Hehe. I actually would have tried to give dat Goomba bitch a goomba titty twister. Mmmm...

Goombella: I hate you. I hate you more than how much Wendy Thomas hates Morgan Smith.

King K: Yo G-dog? Howz it hangin?

Mario: Do not call me G-Dog ever again or I'll push you off your wheelchair and stomp on your broken casted arms.

King K: Good 1! Hehe. So boy, I ask you for a huge favor to ask. So theres this toad working at the Jamba Juice who looks suspiciously like Jolene. And you see, I can use a shorty in my life you dig? And I was wondering if you would be my wingman and help me get with her? I just wanna do all kinds of raunchy things to her. She has me all so darn dizzy! Like, boy! I really just wanna sit on a bench next to her, and just... wrap my arm around her shoulder at a playground! And then really kink things up by putting a flower in her hair! Then I'll really get her turned on when I ask her how her day went before pulling out a wedding ring!

King K jizzed in his shell.

King K: So what do you say pal?

Mario: No.

Cleftor: You're such a virgin King K.

King K: ...

Master Crash: WELL IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD JUST WANNA TIE HER UP AND TAKE A BOMB ALL OVER HER BOMBING FACE!

King K: RIght... Gonzales. Just reserve another another match already so we can stop this mindless banter.

Mario: You bet your crippled ass I will! I don't give a fuck if they're cleaning up or what!

Mario began reserve this match.

Mario: Good thing they make devices designed for profound idiots to operate right?

Goombella: You mean you?

Mario collected mucus in his mouth and spat on Goombella.

Goombella: HEY! COME ON!

Grubba: Why Howdy again Gonzales! I'm guessing you want another match eh? ... Well.. YOUR IN LUCK PAL! Normally that shit you pulled with Flurrie would have me wipe you off the face of the earth, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT,,,,,,,,,,,,,, because of your absurd ill mannered actions, the widespread controversy has actually been helping our business far more than hurting it. I mean, people nowadays are really attracted to the vile puke smell. They literally pay to smell it! Plus they're all drunk so its like, "WHO CARES!" Am I right? So let me lay it on yuh. So yeah... You'll be up against these depressing rank 13 fighters. They go by *sigh* XXxxmInd_bOgglErzxxXX. You actually have to phrase it that way or they'll guilt trip you in how shitty their lives are. They actually take pride in how their ranking is 13 since they're apparently so unlucky, they use that to explain why their lives are so shitty. I wanna punch them so hard for using their myspace band name... So anyway, for this match, I want you to not only punch them for me, but find a way to take these guys off the roster. Kill them if you have to and make it look like an accident! Don't care how you do it! I just really don't like these guys! ... Anyway, I'LL HAVE A SECURATIM PICK YOU UP RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO SNORT SO MUCH COCAINE YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Call End.

Mario: I'm starting to think this guy is just a full fledged retard.

Koops: Ay GG Mario! Wanna hear about some of deez rap nickname patty wanks I've been naming us?

Mario: Well, I can't really understand what your saying anymore. And no. Besides, you've named me and Goombella some pretty shitty names already.

Koops: Not Flurrie! How bout this. Her name will be FlurrDurr!

Every1: ….

Goombella: ... PFFFFFFFFFFTTT! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHHA! HAHAHAHAAAAAHHAHAHAHHAHA! Sorry... that actually was surprisingly funny. Tsssshssshsss... FlurrDurr... Haaa.. Its a shitty rap name I know, but it's still funny. I think it was the way he executed it was funny I guess… Hahahha...

Flurrie: For your information hunny, Flurrie is already my nick name. My real name is Claudette. Actually, my even realer name is Cloudette! But you can call me Flurrie. Or you can call me Kurauda. Or you can call me Claudia. Or you can call me Cumulia. Or you can call me Aerona. Or you can call me Spirù. Or you can call m-

Mario: OKAY! WE GET IT!

Goombella: So wait, what are we supposed to do? How do we get them kicked off during a fight?

Mario: Simple. We'll make them rage quit and regret ever being born.

Goombella: Yeah but shouldn't we think this out a little more some?

Mario: No. And if that doesn't work, I'll threaten them that if they don't give up their wrestling career, that we'll make Flurrie rape them in a ded alley. No sane thing in this world would ever agree to that.

Flurrie: My myy... you and your stimulating proposals really gets me all fffffrisky.

Mario: ...Just remember not to rape the opponents on stage this time. Seriously.

A Securitim walked in.

A Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Your executioning mission- I mean... regular battle awaits.

Securitim winked at Mario forgetting his security sunglasses were blocking the way of his eyes.

Mario: Did you just try to wink? Oh whatever. LETS GO FLURRIE! The rest of you, watch the egg so no 1 sells it for crack and fucks it.

Goombella: Isn't that kind of risky.

Mario: IT'S PART OF MY PLAN!

Back to the Glory Hole for the 7th or 8th time,

Grubba: GENTLEMEN AND LADIES, AND THOSE THAT CAN'T MAKE BABIES! WHO HERE IS BLOOD THIRSTY FOR ANOTHER DUKE OUT!

The retarded Audience were all taking off their shirts off and swung them around. Some of them were puking out beer and chips and shit like that. It was funny. Some people were fornicating with people behind their spouses backs on the floor of puke and dropped food and cigarette butts. They were just the worst kind of sports fans you can ever imagine.

Grubba: 1ST UP, WE HAVE THE SAD MOPEY DOUCHEDICKS NO 1 REALLY LIKES EXCEPT FOR OUR EDGEFAG FANS! THE SUICIDAL SUB-CRETINS THEMSELVES EVERYBODY! XXxxmInd_bOgglErzxxXX...

The speakers started playing _The Poison by Bullet for my Valentine_. The team of a Pale Piranha, Dark Puff, and Pider walked on stage as every1 booed and threw their beer cans at them. Seriously, the only applause they received were from their 20 edge fag fans that cut big letters onto their chests to represent them. It was kind of like those fat people that painted their asses for Gonzalez, but with blood and chests.

Pale Piranha (Age 18): How are you all doing tonight!?

Audience: YOU SUCK!

Dark Puff (Age 16): WHAT DO YOU SAY AFTER THIS, WE BLOW UP SOME BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOPS!?

Pider (Age 26): YEAH! AND REPLACE THEM ALL WITH HOT TOPICS!

Audience: WE HATE YOU!

Grubba: AS YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T BRING THESE FIGHTERS OUT CAUSE YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THEM OR NOTHIN, WE BROUGHT THEM OUT TO WATCH THEM GET THE HARDEST ASS WHOOPIN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL! PLEASE WELCOME 1CE AGAIN, THE MURDER-FUCKER HIMSELF, THE GREAT GONZALES!

_Ain't Talkin bout Love_ as usual started playing welcoming Mario and Flurrie on stage as they were cheered on by their unpleasant fans between the NFL jocky people who are too drunk to pay attention to jack shit, and the creepy internet fans who know who Mario is and can see through his Gonzales alious no problem. Those creepy hentai drawing Mario fans sure make Glitzville alot of bank!

Pale Piranha: Oh don't think we have forgotten about you losers! Remember us from Chapture 3 - 8!? We're back, and were ready to AVENGE our cleft friend you killed SEVENFOLD!

Dark Puff: We had to find a Pider to replace him for our 3rd member of our screamo band. And things haven't been the same man. But still, check out our band on Soundcloud. We're really good.

Mario: SERIOUSLY?! WHY HAVE SO MANY OF THESE MATCHES BEEN FUCKING REUNIONS OF MINOR ENEMIES FROM PREVIOUS BULLSHIT!?

Pale Piranha: We became fighters ironically quite some years ago! And what do you know? It only makes sense that we'd come face to face again right?

Mario: Don't care. Don't care. And don't care.

Dark Puff: It doesn't matter cause after this fight, were going to get some oversized gages for our butt holes to express the bitter meaninglessness of life!

Mario: HOW BOUT I GAGE YOUR BRAINS WITH MY FIST!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Watching the egg

Koops: Same I guess

Flurrie: Power Level 30/30

FP: 6/10

V.S.

Pale Piranha: Power Level 8

Dark Puff: Power Level 6

Pider: Power Level 10

_Battle Music: Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold_

[TURN 1]

Mario: So wait, how do you gage a butthole exactly when they're already gaged?

Flurrie: You gage the parameters of the anus hole to stretch it around in all kinds of whacky ways my sexy slumber bear!

Mario: GOD, WHY DO I ASK THESE THINGS!?

Mario uses multi bounce bouncing on all 3 of the emo fighters [2 Damage All]

Pale Piranha: I'm gonna cut you bro!

Flurrie uses body slam on Pider bashing the hell out of him with her … not so fun parts: [2 Damage]

Mario: Shit! I forgot to threaten them before the match started. Oh well. After the match, I'll threaten them to drop out. Maybe I'll push them off the floating island or something. I don't know.

Dark Puff: Thats it! You leave us no choice! Every1! Get your suicide masks out! We're going to transform!

Pider: But wait, we've never even tested it yet!

Pale Piranha: Don't we need to do a couple more turns before doing that?

Dark Puff: JUST DO IIIIIIIIIIIT!

Pale Piranha: OKAY!

The 3 enemies pulled out their suicide masks that were really black plastic bags from a liquor store that can substitute as a lethal weapon if you put your head in them.

Dark Puff: ON A COUNT TO 3! PUT THE SUICIDE MASKS ON AND DON'T STOP HYPERVENTILATING! FOR JACK SKELLINGTON EVERYBODY! 1! 2! 333333333333!111

Infront of every1, the team of black and white Tim Burton worshipping emofags asphyxiated themselves with 3 black plastic bags thinking it would make them activate their spirit forms as if they were from some stupid fucking anime or whatever. But instead, they all just passed out on the floor and they accidentally kill themselves. As figured, they definitely bled black emo blood all over the fighting stage: [INFINITE DAMAGE]

Remember that move that Robotnik did in 1 - 3? I said it would be the strongest move in the story. I … think I lied.

Mario: Well... HA! Guess that solves that problem!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: GOOD NEWS FOLKS! IT APPEARS XXxxmInd_bOgglErs HAVE FUCKING KILLED THEMSELVES DISQUALIFYING THEM AND GIVING UP BY DEFAULT! OUR WINNER IS! THE GREAAAAAAAAAAAT GONZALES!

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! THE XXxxmInd_bOgglErsxxXX FUCKING KILLED THEMSELVES! THATS GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAT YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Mario: Now we don't need to give rape threats to them anymore! Cause they're ded!

Flurrie: Can I still rape their corpses in a dark alley!?

Mario: Uhhh... sure.

Audience: GONZALES IS THE BEST! GONZALES IS THE BEST! HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER SO SCREW THE REST! GONZALES IS THE BEST! GONZALES IS THE BEST! HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER SO SCREW THE REST!

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

HEY KIDS! WANNA DO AWESOME STUFF LIKE GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT? RIDE A SHOPPING CART OFF A CLIFF? SIT ALL THE WAY THROUGH DUCK DYNASTY? JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD INTO A SHALLOW AREA AND FEEL NO PAIN WHILE STILL FEELING REALLY GOOD DOING IT!? TRY HEROIN! WITH HEROIN, YOUR CAN BE TOTALLY NUMB, AND FEEL TOTALLY EXCELLENT WHILE YOU DO CRAZY THINGS LIKE GETTING YOUR DICK CUT OFF LIKE A BOSS!

Kids: But how do we do it!?

WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED! IT'S SIMPLE REALLY! THERE ARE MANY WAYS OF DOING HEROIN. YOU CAN EITHER SMOKE IT OFF A SPOON, OR BE A MAN, AND JUST INJECT THAT SHIT INTO YOUR BLOODSTREAM! YOU CAN GET HIT BY A TRAIN, AND STILL FEEL LIKE YOU'RE CHASING A FUCKING DRAGON!

Kids: Wow! Heroin is COOL!

THAT'S RIGHT KIDS! BUY SOME HEROIN FROM YOUR LOCAL HARDCORE DRUG DEALER DOWN THE STREET AND GET STOKED! ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT! SO TRY SOME HEROIN! UNLESS YOU WANNA BE A REAL LOSER! Side effects may include extreme addiction, sudden weight loss, missing teeth, various cancers, pale skin, rapid aging, and many many more. 90% of heroin user do not survive.

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

Back in the sweaty shit and puke coated prison cell... I mean locker room.

Mario: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM GLITZVILLE!?

Jolene: Wait what? … No. I never said that. This time, it was the other team's fault for their own deth. You didn't even provoke them to do it..

Mario: Oh... In that case, nevermind.

Jolene: Well anyway, Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 13.

Jolene handed Mario 6 coins.

Mario: I still think you're stealing from my allowance.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going.

Jolene walked away kind of quickly.

Mario: See that!? She ignored me! That's proof right there every1! You saw that!

King K: Ay Gonzales my man! I got some most unfortunate news you're not gonna like. Looks like i'm gonna be making like a tree and leaving this town of Glitz. Yep. Looks like I best be making like John Travolta and batchubahing right otta here you feel me?

Mario: Good.

King K: You probably wanna know why.

Mario: I don't. Go away.

King K: Well look at me. I'm gonna be in this wheelchair for awhile and there's no place for crippled people in a fighting ring. After my last match, Imma best be done.

Mario: Perhaps your pain medication might be making you depressed. Usually beer helps with that.

Goombella: Beer is a depressant Mario.

Mario: That doesn't make any sense, i'm a great drunk.

Goombella: Because you're always drunk...

Koops: Sup sup sup Great G-zoles! Guess what i'm doing? Don't be booing!

Koops was seen on the bench getting his arm tattooed with a rusty pin by Cleftor who has no arms.

Mario: Whats... what's Koops doing?

Goombella: He's... getting a tattoo of Cleveland Brown from the Cleveland Show, Family Guy, and that 1 brief scene from American Dad.

Mario: You like those shows? It doesn't seem like your kind of comedy.

Goombella: Well theres alot you don't know about me. Plus you know, I watch Futurama so why so surprised?

Mario: I don't know. But Koops! Thats so fucking stupid! Why Cleveland of all people!?

Master Crash: I KNOW! I TRIED BOMBING ASKING HIM THE SAME BOMBING THING!

Cleftor: I wanted to give him an anarchy A to represent Anarchy in the MK!

Goombella: So… Anarchy in the Mushroom Kingdom?

Koops: Well I don't know GG! I decided it's mah favorite Seth McFarlane show since i'm trying to be black and all.

Mario: You're only saying that because it's a bad cartoon about black people and you're just going threw a shitty rap phase!

Koops: Aww come on! Dat Cleveland show is like a bro to me you see?

Mario: Even Larry &amp; Steve was better than that crap!

Koops: Whats Larry &amp; Steve?

Goombella: Something you will never understand!

Mario: God this "your tattoo" shit if really pissing me off. The fact that some1 getting that for your reason is absolutely appalling. I should kill you! I'm gonna start another match so I don't completely lose my mind and stab you with my massive Mario cock!

Mario began reserving his match yet again.

Grubba: HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY GONZALES! HOWZ IT HANGIN? HANGIN LIKE A LYNCHED NI-

Mario: You know exactly how it's hanging! Now reserve another match before I fart an atomic bomb and crash Glitzville into Petalburg!

Master Crash: YEAH! BOMBING BOMB THE BOMB OUT OF THAT BOMBING BOMB!

Grubba: I like your humor Mr. Gonzales! So lemme see here... AHA! You're up against rank 12! The Punx of Rock! Yeah... I don't get the Punx thing either... Yeah, so for this match, I want you to come up with some appeal move to get them audience members riled up. And I mean anything. Preferably, show em something flashy! Your a rising star buddy! Your a... your a... a real GO GETTER! Cause you know, you won 7 matches in a row! And you go make it 8 right now! SIGNIN OFF!i!

Grubba hung up in obscene sexcitement.

Cleftor: *Sigh* I remember those days back when Grubba was sexcited for me to beat the ass off of those conformist haters... But still, damn! I have to fight you next! I mean. I'm kicking your ass harder than your cholesterol Gonzales! Sorry Koops, but my band and I gotta defend my title as rank 12. So now I gotta put your crappy tattoo on hold!

Koops: But you only got his nose, mustache you never colored, and an eye without it's pupil yo! It looks like a chode with 1 ball! Fine... After this, I betta get an R.I.P. Brian Griffin tattoo next dawg! Cause after he died, I got too sad to keep watchin Family G!

Goombella: THEY BROUGHT HIM BACK 3 WEEKS LATER YOU FUCKING RETARD!

Mario: Thats it! You're coming with me Koops. Im using you so I can look at your tattoo so it can remind me to be more pissed off in the battle! Goombella, you come with so I don't accidently murder Koops on stage! And Flurrie! You watch the egg! AND DON'T RAPE IT! CAPEESH!?

Flurrie: Aww...

Goombella: I'm surprised you of all people don't want us to kill it. If anything, you seem the most protective of it. out of all of us

Mario: I made peace with it! I'm just hoping he doesn't turn out to be another shitty partner for 1ce!

A Securitim walked threw the path.

Securitim: Your match await Gonzales and Cleftor.

Cleftor: He even sais my name 2nd! I hate this facist convention you call the Glory Hole!

Another Gloryhole [BATTLE MODE] is yet to commence as Grubba began announcing his usual shit in his usual way.

Grubba: EVERY1 KEEPER OF ALL KINDS OF KRAZY GENITALS! FER OUR NEXT MATCH, WE HAVE THE GREEN REBELS FROM A PLACE THATS A MEANS TO YOUR END! TOUCH IT! FEEL IT! THE ROCKING PUNX!

The speakers blasted _Green Hell by The Misfits _as The 3 Bald Clefts walked on stage with giant black X's painted on their heads. No, they're not X-Nauts. They're a much worse force called "Straight Edge". Some are cool, but I mean the 1s that roam in gangs and beat people up at concerts for drinking alcohol suck. 1 of them saw 1 of the audience members drinking a can of Miller Lite. So 1 of the Bald Clefts bit his arm off like the dickhead he is.

Cleftor: You said our team/band name wrong Grubba!

Grubba: HEADING TO OUR NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE THE MERCILESS EXECUTIONER AND THE GRIM DETH BURGLARS! THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

_Ain't talkin bout Love by Van Halen_ as always as if you're not tired of already hearing it played as Mario, Goombella, and Koops walked on stage casually while a bunch of physically and mentally unhealthy damaged smelly creatures called fans cheered them on with over hyped toddler like screeches.

Cleftor: And look at all the hype his fat ass gets!

Koops: I'm thinking about gettin a tattoo of 1 of em' Giraffes brandin over on mah belly button area after this fight. You feel me GG? Cause it all like, a butthole and shit!

Mario: I WILL OPEN YOUR SCAB WOUND AND SODOMISE IT IF YOU GET ANOTHER SHITTY TATTOO!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Power Level 25/50

Koops: Power Level 45/56

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping the egg in the egg hole...

FP: 4/10

V.S.

Hyper Bald Cleft 1 (Age 32): Power Level 12

Hyper Bald Cleft 2 (Age 29): Power Level 12

Cleftor: Power Level 12

Battle Music: _Sonic Reducer by The Dead Boys._

[TURN 1]

Cleftor: I'd tell you the bands I like, but I'm tryin to keep all that super underground!

Mario: Then why is your battle music the Dead Boys?

Hyper Bald Cleft 2: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE! GOD!

Hyper Bald Cleft 1: THATS RIGHT! WE DON'T NEED ANY1! DON'T NEED NO MOM AND DRR!

Goombella: Uhh... you actually might though.

Goombella uses tattle on any of the Cleftors- I mean! Hyper Bald Clefts: These are Hyper Bald Clefts. They're green because all they drink are fucking energy drinks. They might not act hyper cause they're still fucking rocks but I don't know the science behind it. The book doesn't specify! So yeah. They charge up their attacks. Their defense is at 2 so regular attacks don't work. They can actually raise their power levels up to 30!

Mario: they'll still be weak as fuck.

Koops uses a power shell slam on the Hyper Bald Clefts: [1 Damage]

Koops: Damn mah arm hurts like a motha fucka!

Mario: Thats why you don't get tattoos before a fight, stupid!

Mario uses charge raising his power level by 35.

Hyper Bald Cleft uses charge raising his Power Level to 30.

Hyper Bald Cleft uses charge raising his Power Level to 30.

Hyper Bald Cleft uses charge raising his Power Level to 30.

Cleftor: See that? We can charge up too.

Mario: 1 of you could have at least attacked.

Cleftor: Doesn't matter! You're gonna be a ded boy next turn!

Mario: ... Let me show you why thats bullshit then.

[TURN 2]

Mario: But 1st!

Mario pulled down his pants and overalls and mooned the audience with his greasy italian balls tucked behind his ass as his appeal!

Audience: ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH EVERY1! LOOK AT HIS BALLS UNDER HIS BUTT! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

1 of the audience members threw a jar of vadgelly syrup at Mario as a gesture of "thanks for showing us your ass". Strange audience. Get used to it.

Goombella: I love how they can all talk in unison...

Mario: They've been doing that. I think they'll cheer for just about anything we do. Oh well. Koops! Vadge me!

Koops: KK Bizzle!

Koops drank the vadgelly syrup replenishing the FP by 5.

Mario finished off the match by using his quake hammer I forgot he had for awhile for the 1st time breaking the clefts including Cleftor in a few pieces: [2 Damage All]

This attack also knocked every1's drinks everywhere.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: WE HAVE A WINNER! FOR THE 8TH TIME IN A ROW WITHOUT LOSING A SINGLE MATCH, THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!

Goombella: Is it me, or do these matches seem like they're slumping down.

Mario: Who gives a shit. WERE ON A WINNING STREAK BITCH!

Koops: YEAH BIATCH!

Mario: Don't say bitch it like it. It sounds retarded.

LOCKER ROOM TIME!

Jolene: That was a pretty dangerous move you did there. You're just lucky that the Clefts only broke in just a few pieces so they're easy to glue back together. Otherwise you'd be thrown out for good. No questions asked.

Mario: Why don't you get thrown out for good bitch!

Master Crash: BOMB YEAH! THROW HER THE BOMB OUT! MAKE HER BOMBING SPLATTER! TAKE NO BOMBING PRISONERS!

Jolene: *Sigh* I seriously don't have time for this. Now I have to hire an art teacher cause none of us know how to use glue. In the mean time, here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 12.

Jolene handed Mario 7 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going.

Jolene tried to push her glasses closer to her face and accidently dropped it on the ground and they broke in half.

Jolene: GOD DAMNIT! Now I need to get these glued together too...

Jolene walked back to her office in the simmering grips of depression due to the loss of her favorite glasses.

Master Crash: HEY GONZALES! LOOKS LIKE EVERY1 HERE LATELY IS BOMBING DISAPPEARING HUH? THEY'RE DROPPING LIKE BOMBING FLIES I TELL YOU! LIKE BOMBING FLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS! 1ST BANDY'S BEEN GONE. HE JUST KIND OF BOMBING DISAPPEARED TO TRY BOMBING RAPING JOLENE AGAIN I BET. I THINK KING K BOMBING RETIRED BECAUSE HE SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! AND NOW CLEFTOR IS BEING HOSPITALIZED! I SURE HOPE YOU DON'T PUT ME IN A HOSPITAL WHEN YOU BEAT ME- I MEAN... NOTHING! HAHAHAHAHA! GET IT!? BUT YEAH. ITS JUST YOU, YOUR STRANGE TEAM MATES, AND ME! ALL ALONE IN THIS BOMBING ROOM! BUT SERIOUSLY! IM THE LAST MINOR LEAGUER YOU HAVE TO FACE LEFT! SO LETS GET THIS BOMBING PARTY OVER WITH! CAUSE FLURRIE HAS BEEN TRYING TO BOMBING BOMB ME IN THE BOMB HOLE! I HAD TO TAKE AN EXTRA DOSAGE OF BOMBING CRACK SO I CAN HAVE THE SPEED TO NOT LOOSE MY VIRGINITY!

Flurrie: What's the point of virginity if you don't lose it.

Master Crash: BECAUSE! I HAVE PRIDE IN MY VIRGINITY! NO 1 CAN EVER UNDERSTAND THAT FOR SOME REASON! YEAH! SHE ALMOST BOMBING KNOCKED THE EGG 2ICE OVER TRYING TO CHASE ME! SO JUST RESERVE THE BOMBING MATCH ALREADY SO WE CAN GET THIS BOMBING BUSINESS OVER WITH!

Koops: Wait... Wasn't King K gonna be all reserving his last match before he retired? What a re-liar!

Master Crash: YOUR RAPS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! YOU WILL NEVER BE A BOMBING RAPPER YOU PIECE OF BOMB! I WAS RAISED ON GUNPOWDER AND CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! THAT WAS MY LIFE HOMIE! NOW RESERVE THE MATCH BEFORE I BLOW THIS WHOLE PLACE UP I'M SO BOMBING EXCITED!

Mario: Alright alright! Fine... shit!

Mario began reserving his match with Grubba.

Grubba: HOWDY PARTNER! Fixin' for another fight I see eh? Well... you have 1 more minor leaguer to go before your test with the major leagues begin! So that about leaves you up against rank 11; THE BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB! For this match, I want YOU! To let them hit you a few times! You have a pretty clean ass whooping streak and I wanna surprise those crazy crazy dun here audience member you hear?

Master Crash: THANK YOU!

Grubba: SO SIT RIGHT THERE ON YOUR KEISTERS AND I'LL BRING YOU A SECURITIM COMING UP!

Grubba pushed the call end button to end the call so he can page a securitim.

Master Crash: HEY! WHILE WE'RE BOMBING WAITING, WANT SOME OF MY BOMBING CRACK!?

Mario: Sure! I thought you would never ask.

Master Crash: HAHA! JUST KIDDING! JOKES ON YOU LOSER! I NEVER SHARE MY BOMBING CRACK!

Mario: I'm kicking your ass double for that asshole. Also, I wonder what Bandy has in his locker while hes gone..

Mario opened up Bandy's locker and pulled out a bottle of Wild Turkey he had been saving for incase Notorious Big was resurrected.

Mario: BINGO!

Koops: You stealin his liquor? You gonna go to hell quicker!

Mario: I can't tell what's more annoying, you lecturing me, or you trying to rap. Besides, he stole my POW block, so i'mma stealin his liquor!

Securitim: I'm here! Your match is surprisingly quickly ready as always!

Mario: Alright! You all know the drill! Goombella and Koops! Come with me! Flurrie! You roll around in shit like a sick dog!

Flurrie: YOU GOT IT!

And the crowd went wild for another Glory Hole Gladiator Jamberry. Food was fighting everywhere, the audience members were brawling over what their favorite animes are, and shit was crazy as they impatiently anticipated the fight.

Grubba: GUYS AND GIRL GALORE! YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!? ANOTHER GAME FOR GLORY THAT'S WHAT! FOR THIS NEXT FIGHT, WE HAVE THE HYPERACTIVE EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME SUICIDAL DRUG ADDICTS OF THE CANCER HOLOCAUST! SCREAM AND SHOUT FOR THE BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB!

The Speakers played _Symphony of Destruction_ by Megadeth as the crowd got excited as Master Crash and 3 other Bob-Omb buddies ran on stage in excitement to get their asses kicked. Is that even a spoiler at this point?

Grubba: NEXT STOP, WE HAVE OUR FAMOUS MURDERERS THAT ARE SOMEHOW NOT BANNED FROM THE GLORY HOLE YET! LET'S GIVE IT UP HARD FOR, THE GREAT GONZALES! And his friends…

_Ain't talkin bout Love by Van Halen_ duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duuuuh duh duh DUH, DUH DUH, DUH DUUUUUH, DUH DUH DUH DUUUH DUH DUH!

Master Crash: ALRIGHT GONZALES! THIS TIME, YOU'RE THE 1 THATS GONNA GET BOMBING BOMBED IN THE BOMB HOLE BY MY BOMBING BOMB IN YOUR BOMB SO I CAN BOMB YOU!

Mario: WHAT'S THAT? I CAN'T MAKE OUT WHAT YOUR SAYING WITH ALL THE BOMB STUTTERS! WAIT I KNOW, YOU MEAN, YOUR THE 1 THATS GONNA GET FUCKING RAPED IN THE GLORY HOLE BY MY MARIO DICK IN YOUR ASS SO I CAN FUCK YOU!

Master Crash: NO! THATS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE BOMBING DOING! RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I BOMBED YOUR MOM MAN! I BOMBED YOU BOMBING MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 25/63

Goombella: Power Level 25/50

Koops: Power Level 45/56

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping the egg in the egg hole...

FP: 2/10

V.S.

Bob-omb 1 (Age 26): Power Level 12

Bob-omb 2 (Age 26): Power Level 12

Bob-omb 3 (Age 26): Power Level 12

Master Crash: Power Level 12

Battle Music: _War Ensemble by Slayer._

Goombella uses Tattle: You remember your days of Super Mario Bros. 3 right? So yeah. You know what these things are then. I guess all you need to know about them here is that if you attack them 1ce, that it will set them off to explode in your face.

Master Crash: YEAH! EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE WHEN I BOMB ALL OVER IT!

Goombella: Mario! Kick his ass for interrupting my tattle!

Koops uses shell shocker shell bowling ball blast on Bob-omb 1 setting him off: [2 Damage]

Mario: IT WAS MY TURN ASSHOLE!

Mario smacked Koops in the face upside his head: [1 Damage]

Koops: OWW!

Bob-omb 1 suicidally exploded on Koops: [3 Damage]

Mario: Fuck! That smack was NOT supposed to count as my attack!

Bob-omb 2 ran into Koops: [1 Damage]

Bob-omb 3 ran into Koops: [1 Damage]

Bob-omb 4 I mean... Master Crash ran into Koops: [1 Damage]

Koops: Sheeeit GG. My ass in danger.

Mario: Why can't you remember to counter?

Koops: I can do that yo, but they all 2ice as fast as my ass man!

[TURN 2]

Koops did another bowling ball blast but at Bob-Omb 2 this time.

Mario: I have 1 more item I forgot about and I think I'm gonna use it.

Mario pulled out his Mystery Box he had since chapture 3 - 13.

Mario slowly cut the ribbons and opened the box slowly and of all things to pop out, the psychopathic murder-fucker; Jeffrey Dahmer came out of the box surprising every1.

Koops: Who dat?

Jeffery (Age 34): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERES JEFFERY!

Jeffrey pulled out his knife and shit and started stabbing some of the Bob-Ombs to deth making them bleed gun powder everywhere.

Master Crash: HOLY BOMB! I'M BOMBING OTTA HERE!

Master Crash forfeited and ran off

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario leveled up to Level 9 increasing his BP up to 15.

**[MURDER MODE]**

Mario: I've heard of assist trophies, but DAMN!

Jeffrey Dahmer began climbing the seating admission areas and started stabbing random audience members in blood and gore, not to mention all the quick rape he was doing to the flesh wounds of the corpses of families!

Goombella: OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT JEFFERY DAHMER WAS DED!

Mario: Yeah no kidding. Who would have thought! Jeffrey Dahmer; the original Murder-Fucker! Damn! ... proooooooooooblably not a good idea to order another mystery box again huh?

Goombella: No its not...

Mario: Yeah...

Jeffery Dahmer: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA DIE DIE DIE!

Grubba pulled out a walkie talkie.

Grubba: SECURITIMS! SECURITIMS! WE HAVE A MASS MURDERER YOU GUYS NEED TO GUN DOWN! STAT!

Securitim: ROGER ROGER!

Grubba: LETS CUT TO COMMERCIAL! NOW!

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

You know, Super Man saves lives. In the army, they also saves lives. Don't you wanna be like…. Super Man? JOIN THE ARMY! NOW!

Based off a real commercial.

**[END OF COMMERCIAL MODE]**

30 Securitims entered the Bloody Dojo trying to dodge the thousands of people stampeding away not wanting to get murder-fucked. It was pretty horrifying and graphic to say the least.

The Securitim team eventually surrounded Jeffrey Dahmer and gunned him down ded! [100 Damage]

Jeffrey Dahmer murdered 17 people now making his murder count up to 34. 2ice as much from when he was alive up until 92.

**[END OF MURDER MODE]**

Mario: All this over a fucking mystery box... DAMN!

Goombella: I guess Mystery Boxes really can be literally be anything. Even a portal from hell.

NOW GO READ PART 2!


	5. Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!(P2)

Disclaimers: READ PART 1

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Uncut Version)**

**Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes! **

**PART 2!**

**Chapture 4 - 13: IRON YOSHI!**

After that horrifying outcome of a battle, Mario with his 4 partners were being escorted to a police helicopter by Jolene, Grubba, and 2 Securitims. As they were about to get placed in an island full of terrorists. Mario and the rest of them were handcuffed. Even the egg.

Mario: THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD HAVE HAD ANY IDEA THAT JEFFERY FUCKING DAHMER WAS GOING TO COME OUT OF THE FUCKING BOX!

Jolene: YOU ARE A MENACE WHO HAD AUDIENCE MEMBERS GET MURDERED! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH DEEP SHIT YOU GOT US IN!? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU'VE TURNED THIS PLACE INTO DED MAN WONDERLAND!?

Koops: Well uhh…... Its uhh…. not so bad yo! Alot of people lived.

Jolene: THEY FELL OFF GLITZVILLE IN PANIC AND RUNNING!

Koops: What's with the tape on your glasses and shit? It makes you look kind of stupid.

Jolene: I had to tape it up so I can... Wait. WHY AM I CONVERSATING THIS WITH YOU AT A TIME LIKE THIS!? YOU ALL JUST CREATED A WORLD WIDE NEWS STORY THAT MAY HAVE US SHUT DOWN OUR FIGHTING LEAGUE!

Securitim 1: YOU 5 ARE NEVER GOING TO BREATH THE AIR OF FREEDOM AGAIN!

Mario: OH FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! YOU THINK THAT I'VE NEVER BROKEN OUT OF FUCKING PRISON BEFORE!? WELL YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING ASSHAT!

Goombella was crying a shit ton smearing her make up all over her face. Her eyes were red and she had a hard time breathing knowing what was going to happen to her in prison.

Flurrie: What's wrong Goombella?

Goombella: WHAT DO YOU THINK!? WERE BEING THROWN IN JAIL CAUSE OF YOU FUCKING RETARDS!

Flurrie: It's not so bad. I love prison!

Goombella: THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR A SICK FUCK THAT ACTUALLY ENJOYS GETTING RAPED!

Mario: God damnit Grubba! Can't you talk some sense to these people?

Grubba: Well Id like to help you out sonny, but you see, my hands are tied. I can't keep having people killed every hour. Especially paying audience members. I mean, we might be getting sued soon thanks to you punks! GAAAAAAAAHHH! Securitims! Take these criminals away! I can't stand to look at them!

Chopper Cops: Alright, come on, let's go!

Mario: YOU CAN'T DO THIS YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS! I'M FUCKING MARIO! WHEN I BREAK OUT, I AM GOING TO SINGLE HANDEDLY NUKE GLITZVILLE INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN! THEN IM GONNA NUKE THIS WHOLE FUCKING RETARDED REGION INtO THE FIERY PITS OF HADES! FUCK YOU GRUBBA, FUCK YOU JOLENE, FUCK YOU SECURITIMS, FUCK GLITZVILLE, FUCK THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM, AND FUCK YOU TEAM MATES! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAVE LISTONED TO PRINCESSFUCKING CUNT FACE! WHEN I BREAK OUT I'M KILLING ALL OF YOU AND I WILL RAPE ALL OF YOUR CORPSES IN SLOW FUCKING MURDEROUS NIGGER KIKE SPIK WAYS YOU FAGGOT RETARDS CAN'T FUCKING IMAGINE! I AM IMMORTAL BITCH! I CAN DO WHATEVER I PLEASE CAUSE I'M FUCKING MARIO! I WILL RAPE YOU! NO! I WILL NIGGERAPE YOU ALL WITH MY FUCKING COCK! I TAKE NO PRISONERS! YOU WILL ALL DIE BY THE HANDS OF ME! I WILL CALL MIYAMOTO AND IAMMASTER, AND THEY ARE GOING TO WIPE YOU FUCKING CHODES OFF THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK PLANET! IM THE BEST! AND YOU ARE ALL NOT, YOU FUCKING RETARDED RETARDS FROM OUTER SPACE! I WILL DESTROY YOU! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL! I WILL MAKE RAGNOROK HAPPEN BITCH AND YOU ALL WILL WISH YOU HAVE NEVER FUCKED WITH MARIO! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The handcuffed Mario just continued cursing from then on out while he kept kicking Securitims and Cops on the legs.

Koops: Man. I can't believe my ass is gonna get raped by a bunch of not so flah terrorists. And that ain't no lie.

Goombella: WHY ARE YOU ACTING BLACK AT A TIME LIKE THIS!?

Koops: Cause I'm a real G thick and thin!

Goombella: NO YOUR NOT ASSHOLE! *SNIFF* I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! MY PARENTS ARE GONNA HATE ME FOR LIFE, I'M NEVER GONNA FINISH COLLEGE, AND I'M GONNA SPEND TO REST OF MY LIFE GETTING FUCKING RAPED AND IMPREGNATED BY PACKS OF FUCKING NIGGERS AND TERRORISTS! I'LL BE RAPED TILL PROBABLY I DON'T KNOW? THE DAY I GET STABBED TO DETH! LIKE SERIOUSLY! DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO PRETTY GOOMBAS LIKE ME IN GUANTANAMO BAY!? ITS TERRIBLE!

Flurrie: Guys, the eggs been hopping alot lately, almost like his pooter is ready to crack.

Koops: Yeah. And now he's gonna be born in prison too hehe. Well... At least while i'm getting raped, I can get some1 to finish my tattoos.

Goombella: IM KILLING YOU IN PRISON 1ST THING KOOPS!

Koops: Sheeit. Man. All this over a fucking item box and shit. It ain't like it was our asses fault that that happened.

Mario: WAIT! What did you just say Koops!?

Koops: I said it ain't our faults G. They call it a Mystery box for a reason. So what's with the treason?

Mario: THATS IT! That just gave me an IDEA! Grubba! You love money right!?

Grubba: I sure do!

Mario: Well think about it. Its a mystery box. We had no idea Jeffery Dahmer of all people was going to pop out of the box. I mean, it could have been anything and I mean, literally anything. To shrooms, to stars, to porno, to a sandwich, to Al Gore, to Alabama, to Giant Talking Space Vadgellies from Space. ANYTHING! Who knows. If anything, you guys should be sueing the company that makes the mystery boxes. Not us. We thought it would be some fire weed to help us in [BATTLE MODE]! or something. Jeffrey Dahmer was the last thing we'd expect.

Koops: Well actually, i'd say 2nd to last!

Mario: You're not helping!

Jolene: But you still opened the mystery box knowing that it could have been anyth-

Mario: BLAH BLAH BLAH Get the rusty dildo out of your bloody cunt and liston!

Mario: All I'm saying is that you people should sue the Mystery Box company before people start suing you. I mean, yeah, this story is all over the news now, but maybe it's not too late to reroute people's attention to the company responsible for selling a faulty box in the 1st place. Don't you think we're kind of victims here as well? I mean, we could have gotten murder-fucked by him too. Besides, I think there's something severely fucked up about people in charge of Mystery Boxes who would allow a Jeffrey Dahmer to be in a box. Think about it. If we haven't purchased that box, some1 else would have. And that outcome would have possibly been in a playground or something from a boyfriend giving his girlfriend a wedding gift or something. Would you want something like that to happen somewhere else? No.

Jolene: Well how do we know you didn't just peek in the box before hand? You could have known he was in there under our noses this whole time?

Mario: Thats bullshit. If you watch the recording, you would notice that when I pulled out that box that it was tied in its ribbons that the company designs it to have. They have a trade mark wrapping paper system that cannot be counterfeited. So you're wrong. Even so, how the hell would we be able to pull out Jeffrey Dahmer from fucking no where?

Grubba: So if what you're saying is true, it's the mystery box companies fault. So that means not only can we sue them for more money, but the families of the lost relatives would also sue the same company instead of us as well?

Jolene: We have to thoroughly scan the box Mario used and compare it to another mystery box to see if he's telling the truth. Well... Even if Gonzales is innocent, I still think we should omit him from the roster system anyway cause he still is very dangerous.

Grubba: Now hold on Jolene! Its controversy like this that really makes money fly out of our asses! This man and his crew here! They're stars when it comes to controversy!

Jolene: We should still validate proof though!

Mario: You want proof? Read from chapture 3 - 13 to now! There's a part where I go to a shop in the Great Tree of Boggly Woods called Puni Pun's Party Shop or something like that. Don't ask why there was a shop opened at the time even though the Punies were being imprisoned by the X-Nauts. Its not important! Anyway, I sold a fire flower and bought Ice Cocaine and a Mystery box. Ask the clerk of my records of shopping there. Then ask the clerk where they get mystery boxes and see if you can get them to scan the serial number of my box. If its on there which it clearly is, that proves that it was not our faults!

Jolene: Hmm... Fine. I guess you win. *sigh* Let them go Securitims.

Jolene: We'll hire some Securitims to do all that work for us.

Grubba: SWEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

The Securitims unhandcuffed Mario and his team.

Securitim: But wait, the man still assaulted us.

Mario: Yeah, because you guys were being fucking assholes. And it was light kicking by the way!

Securitim: Oh yeah... Good point.

Goombella: Wait? So does this mean we're free to go!?

Koops: And we still getta keep our badass ranks!?

Grubba: Yes, Yes, and Yes! Were dropping the charges for now.

Goombella: OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Flurrie: Oh my goodness thank you so much Grubba! Oh ho I can just kiss you!

Cops: Step away from the purple thing maam!

The cops held Flurrie at gunpoint causing her to hold her hands high up.

Flurrie: Mmm... No need to get so fiesty boys...

Jolene: You know, if we find out this act of yours was somehow intentional, I will see to it that you will be arrested.

Mario: Yeah well, we didn't do shit, so fuck you!

Jolene: Fine. Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 11.

Jolene handed Mario 7 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse us, we must get going.

Mario: Phew hehe. Close call, right every1?

Goombella: YOU ALMOST GOT US ARRESTED! IM REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD TO JOKE AROUND RIGHT NOW!

Mario: Why not? We bought a faulty product like I said. So it wasn't our faults.

Koops: Yei so lets just keep it reel aight?

Goombella: ... NO! I don't wanna "keep it real!" I'M STILL SHIVERING FROM THAT EXPERIENCE!

Mario: Relax! You have nothing to worry about! Our adventure still continues and besides, even if we did wind up in prison, I would have escaped from crawling inside a toilet, I would have grabbed some stardust to break through the walls like The fucking Thing from Fantastic 4, and I would have broke you all free. Then, we would have gone with my Plan B and we could have snuck in the champion's room to steal Cawk Rawker's belt. Or beat him up. I don't care. The point is, is that were fine. And the adventure still lives on! You still wanna do this college vacation adventure right?

Goombella: Well yeah! No shit I do. Clearly you know i'm willing to go an incredible length to open the 1000 Year Door. From fighting Dragons, to Nazi KKK rip off people. An arrest record would not have stopped me. But seriously, you really are a dangerous fuck.

Mario: Yeah! But i'm the kind of a dangerous fuck that never loses. So by that logic, you're all safe at all times with me!

Koops: You know what will calm our asses down?

Goombella: What?

Koops: Going to a drug shop!

Mario Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi Egg: ...

Koops: You know? For some drugs?

Mario Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi Egg: ...

Koops: Uhh... Anybody?

Mario Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi Egg: ...

Mario and his M Team entered a drug shop named Suspicious Souvenirs to buy 3 Super Shrooms, 2 Lightning Blottos, 2 Earth Acid, 2 Power Hawaiian Punch, and 1 Item swapper.

[Inventory: 3 Super Shrooms, 2 Lightning Blottos, 2 Earth Acids, 2 Power Hawaiian Punch, and 1 item swapper.]

Back to the locker room.

Master Crash: HI MARIO! THAT WAS A BOMBING GREAT MATCH! YOU REALLY BEAT ME FAIR AND BOMBING SQUARE HUH?

Mario: If that's sarcasm, I don't give a shit.

Master: NO MAAAAAAAAAN! I'M BEING BOMBING SERIOUS! THAT WAS QUITE THE RABBIT YOU PULLED OUT OF YOUR HAT HUH? BY THAT I MEAN, THE JEFFREY DAHMER YOU PULLED OUT OF THAT BOX! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU KILLED MY TEAM MATES! THAT WAS BOMBING AWESOOOOOOOME!

Goombella: So you really aren't mad that we did that?

Master Crash: NUH UH! THOSE GUYS WERE BOMBiNG PUSSBOMBS! YOU DID ME A FAVOR BRAH! PLUS! OUR MATCH IS ALL OVER THE NEWS! I'M BOMBING FAMOUS ITS BOMBING INSANE! SEE LOOK!

Master Crash showed them the facebook news trend.

Master: READ ALL ABOUT IT ON YOUR OWN TIMES! BUT YEAH! BOMBING COOL RIGHT!?

Koops: Dayamn! I should have laid down more of mah raps for them peeps behind the screen!

Mario: Please. You really need to stop the rap shit. You've been on this kick for way too many sub chaptures so far. It's beyond old.

Koops: You just haven't heard me lay down mah reel rhymes!

Mario: No! There are no real rhymes! You've proven time and time again that you are incapable of rap. Do you hear how abysmal your rap shit is? Everytime you speak, I briefly visualize in my head fucked up ways to kill you. I'm not even joking.

Cleftor came back to the locker room with his pieces assembled together with the powers of glue.

Master Crash: HOLY BOMB! CLEFTORS ALIVE! HE'S A ZOMBIE RUUUUUUUUUN!

Master Crash crashed into the wall compulsively. He didn't explode. He just hit his dumb head.

Cleftor: Yeah, so the glue finally dried off and now I can walk again.

Koops: Sweet! Can you finish up mah tatt now?

Cleftor: Fuck you. I just came back to life asshole.

Master Crash: YEAH! SHOW SOME BOMBING RESPECT YOU DIP BOMB!

Cleftor: Yeah Gonzales. That was the best finishing blow I've ever seen though. I've never even heard of any1 that took his hammer and smashed the ground breaking his opponents. Thats just insane. You actually deserve that victory.

Goombella: So none of you are pissed at us?

Master Crash: NO! YOU BEAT US IN CREATIVE WAYS! I MEAN, YOU GAVE KING K INTERNAL BLEEDING, SCARED BANDY ANDY AWAY, SMASHED CLEFTOR, AND MAKE ME RUN AWAY TOO! THAT'S BOMBING AWESOME! BESIDES! NOW YOU CAN FINALLY TAKE DOWN THOSE GUYS THAT BROUGHT ME DOWN TO THE BOMBING MINOR LEAGUES! RANK BOMBING 10! THE ARMORED SAINTS!

Flurrie: They sound... big…

Goombella: I thought it was Rawk Hawk that brought you down.

Cleftor: Ugg…. The Armored Saints are my metal elitist cousins. They're really tough despite them being the lowest ranking major leaguers. They wouldn't let me join their band cause they thought that I'm just a shitty musician cause I play punk. They're all like "Maybe you can join. If you can handle music school faggot! HAHAHHAHAHA" SHUUUUUUUT UP! God I HATE them!

Mario: They don't sound like normal Metal heads.

Cleftor: NO THEY'RE NOT! Their the kind that give their own genre a bad name for every1 else!

Jolene guided a blind bat character with the nickname of Sir. Swoop given by Grubba himself.

Jolene: RIght this way Sir Swoop.

Sir Swoop accidently flew into a wall attempting to fly through the door hole.

Sir. Swoop: OWW! Fuck...

Sir Swoop made it through on his 2nd attempt.

Goombella: When did they have the time to recruit some1 new?

Jolene: This is your locker room, yeah I know it's a bit on the crummy side. you'll have unpleasant locker mates, piles of waste everywhere, the bathrooms clogged, there's an orange dripping thing from the ceiling for a few years now... but if you don't like it here, I suggest to rank up to the major leagues.

Jolene: When you're ready to fight, use our smart pad here. It only has 2 options. Reserving a Match, and Viewing the Rankings.

Sir. Swoop: I'M FUCKING BLIND! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO USE THAT?

Jolene: And 1ce when you reserve a match, Grubba will then decide who you'll match up against by looking at whose higher or lower than you on the roster. You will have no say in this since that's part of the contract. Why don't you try it 1ce? Walk up to the screen and hit "Reserve a Match". Is that clear?

Sir Swoop: WHAT CONTRACT!? IM BLIND!

Goombella: Wow. She's really bad at her job.

Jolene: Don't you understand how to use a smart pad?

Sir Swoop: NO I DON'T!

Jolene: *Sigh* I'll do it for you. I expect you to understand how this works or you will be kicked off the roster!

Grubba: Well howdy! Long time no see Sir Swoop!? Ready to get yer wings dirty in ways you don't want to imagine? There you go, son! I got a treat fer you: yer first battle's gonna be against the Goomba Brahz. There a team of raping rhyming Goombas and they're hippo humping horny! So that means your flaps have to be greater than their faps if your lookin to win tonight's fight. By the way, before I sign off, I want you for this match for you to do a triple non barrel roll and spin your penis around! The crowd likes it when animals do perverted degrading things. Seriously.

Jolene: Good. Your match is new reserved. But for now on after you reserve a match, just wait until a Securitim comes to get you. And if you continue to have any other complications regarding not seeing anything, consider yourself banned from Glitzville.

Sir Swoop: I SHOULD SUE YOU!

Jolene: Just come with me so you can start your match... I swear. This is the worst replacement for any of the 4 teams that either died or went missing today.

Sir Swoop tried following Jolene but still kept running into shit.

Sir Swoop: OWW! WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT!?

Mario: Well that was pretty retarded.

Master Crash: OOOOOOOO... NEW RECRUITS! THATS BOMBING AMAZING! I WONDER WHY HE DIDN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SHIT SMELL IN THIS ROOM? I MEAN, SHOULDN'T HIS OTHER SENSES BE LIKE, HEIGHTENED!? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! NO! SENSE!

Koops: Sure it does! You know? Just because! My Name is K-C REEL, and i'm all about dat feel. I like free meals cause they got appeals!

Master Crash: SHUT YOUR GODDAMN PIE HOLE! THERE'S MORE TO RAPPING THAN PULLING SHITTY RHYMES OUT OF YOUR BOMB!1 GOD I CAN'T STAND YOU! GONZALES, GET THIS GUY OTTA HERE AND RESERVE YOUR MATCH!

Mario: Sure.

Mario activated reserve match mode.

Grubba: Howdy Mario! Howz it crackin?

Koops: Wait, ain't you supposed to be in dat match watchin shit?

Grubba: Sometimes, I sneak back into my office to do a line of COCAINE! Alright alright I'M ADDICTED! BIG DEAL! Welp, good news. You were right, sueing the Mystery Box industry is helping our business alot. Now crowds are packin harder than ever! Glitzville may even sink the seat are so booked! Welp, I bet you wanna start another match don't yuh? How about against your 1ST MAJOR LEAGUER! Thats right! Number 10! The rootin tootin Armored Saints! Take these guys out, and you'll be guaranteed a seat to the MAJOR LEAGUES! YEEHAW! Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk! Hoo-wee! Alright, so for this match, I DEMAND YOU TO EMPTY YOUR POCKETS FOR THIS MATCH! Know why? CAUSE REAL MEN DON'T USE ITEMS IN BATTLE! JUST ASK BATMAN! HE'LL TELL YOU! So you got that Great G? Oh who am I kidding, OF COURSE YOU DO! You always get it! ALRIGHT! BREAK A LEG PARTNAH!

Call End.

Goombella: Hmm... I thought they were supposed to get Securitims to fly to Boggly Woods to investigate.

Theres no way it would be such a quick process.

Mario: Thats because it wasn't. Grubba is the impulsive type. Especially when it comes to money.

Goombella: I guess thats true.

Cleftor: Aww man... Careful while fighting against my cousins. Rumors say that they are so tough, that they don't even have defense. I mean, they have infinite defense. So their power levels are like, infinity man.

Goombella: ... Thats stupid. No 1 has a power level of infinity. Thats just ridiculous.

Mario: Besides, if they had infinite defense, then why aren't they the champions? I mean, wouldn't even the current champion eventually tire out in a fight against them or something? They're in rank fucking 10 or some shit!

Master Crash: WHO CARES! ITS COMPLICATED! I DON'T GET IT BOMBING EITHER!

Cleftor: I recommend bringing all of your partners for this match!

Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Prepare to be annihilated... I mean... just try and stay golden.

Mario: Alright. Fine. All 3 of you. Let's go. Guys! Watch the egg.

Cleftor: I believe in you Gonzales!

Master Crash: WIN FOR ME GONZALES! DO IT FOR THE BOMBS!

Meanwhile during the match of Sir Swoop losing to the Goomba Braz, Grubba kicked both teams off in the middle of their match to rudely announce a new more interesting match.

Grubba: PENIS PILGRIMS AND VADGELLY VAGABONDS! THIS FIGHT IS NOW OVER!

Audience: ?

Sir Swoop: WHAT THE HELL GRUBBA!?

Grubba sat on Sir. Swoop crushing his body flat.

Grubba: BECAUSE GONZALES IS ABOUT TO FIGHT AGAIN! AND I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU FOLKS DIG GONZALES!

Audience: YEAH! GONZALES! MARIO! GONZALES! MARIO! NO ITS GONZALES! NO ITS MARIO! NO ITS GONZALES! NO ITS MARIO! NO ITS GONZALES! RRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Pretty soon, all of the audiance members were straight up duking it out over whether it's Gonzales or Mario. This is 1 of those fights where they're both right. The highest rate of Mario cosplayers in the audience was through the roof. Not only were they having sloppy fist fights with Armored Saints fans, but the Mario/ Gonzales fans were playing fistacuffs over stupid retarded bullshit like whether his name is Mario and Gonzales. Oh wait. I just said that. But yeah. Parents were not afraid to throw their own children as projectiles to prove their point.

Grubba: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! FOR THE SAKE OF YOU GONZALES GLUTTONS! LETS BRING THE MAN AND HIS STRANGE FRIENDS IN HERE 1ST! SCREAM AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGES FOR, THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONALESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!1

Before Mario had entered the stage, the audience members cheered a shit ton to the point where some of them went as far as blowing out their vocal chords.

_Ain't Talkin Bout Love by Van Halen_ you get the idea. Mario, and the 3 born partners entered the stage while Mario flipped every1 off causing the audience to cheer for him even more! Koops did some rap gestures causing people to throw children at him.

Grubba: SO GONZALES! LET'S RAP FOR A BIT!

Koops: MY NAME IS KOOPS AND I'M H-

Grubba: HOW DOES IT FEEL ALMOST GETTING ARRESTED AND HAVE THE CHARGES DROPPED SOON AFTER YOUR LAST MATCH?

Mario: IT FEEL GREAT! WANNA KNOW WHY? CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING BIG BLACK DICK POKING ME IN MY ANAL CYSTS!

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY! OWWWWWWWWWW!

Grubba: THAT DOES FEEL GREAT DOESN'T IT!? NOW I GOT JUST 1 MORE QUESTION FOR YOU!

Mario: I DONT GIVE A SHIT! LETS START THE FUCKING MATCH ALREADY SO I CAN RUIN MORE PEOPLE'S LIVES!

Grubba: YOU SAID IT! LETS BRING IT OUT FOR, THE ARMORED SAINTS!

The speakers started blasting _The Trooper by Iron Maiden_ as the Armored Saints gruffly stomped their feet making their way to the Glory Hole causing horrifying minor earthquakes do to their vast weight. You know what? Just for the sake of offensive fanservice, why don't we say that the boobs of every female and male with boobs started jiggling a shit ton.

Flurrie: Mmmmmm... My mellons feel like vibrating speakers if you know what I mean...

Goombella: Stop it... Seriously…. just.. stop it.

Armored Dickenson (Age 41): METAL RULES!

Armored Beloff (Age 41): IF YOU LIKE ANYTHING ELSE, YOU'RE LAME AND NOT METAL!

Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! ALRIGHT ARMORED SAINTS, I HAVE TO INFORM YOU OF 1 THING AND 1 THING ONLY! GONZALES WAS JUST BRAGGING TO ME ABOUT HOW HE HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER AND GOT HER PREGNANT! THEN HE ABORTED THE BABY WITH HIS OWN DICK BY FUCKING HER EVEN HARDER! THEN HE BEAT HER IN MARIO PARTY 7! AND SHE STARTED CRYING! SO THEN HE TIED HER TO A FLAGPOLE AND STARTED PAINTING HER FACE WITH HIS SCROTUM! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HE SAID YOUR MOM HAD A C-SECTION CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE SO FAT! AND THEN HE CALLED YOU GUYS BOOGER HEADS! ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THAT!?

Mario: I... never said or did any of that. Although he did describe my behavior quite accurately.

Armored Dickenson: WHAT THE FUCK!? HOW DID HE KNOW THAT WE WERE C-SECTION BABIES!? WE TAKE PRIDE IN IT BECAUSE IT'S METAL! THAT MAKES ME SO MAD THAT YOU'D MAKE FUN OF IT! I'M GONNA TURN YOU ALL INTO CHEWING TOBACCO! AND SPIT YOU OUT ONLY TO BE LICKED UP BY UN-NEUTERED ANIMALS! OH AND BY THE WAY, ONLY BOOGER HEADS CALL OTHER PEOPLE BOOGER HEADS SO HA!

Armored Beloff: BRO! DON'T STINK TO THEIR LEVEL! ITS NOT AS METAL THAT WAY! LETS JUST SHOW EM' BOOGER HEAD POSERS WHAT THRASHING IS ALL ABOUT! CAUSE WE'RE NOT BOOGER HEADS! WERE NOT! BOOGER HEADS! WE'RE JUST NOT! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!1 WERE SEEKING AND DESTROYING THESE PUNKS IN THE NAME OF BLOOD, TITS, FIRE! CAUSE WE LIKE TO DESTROY ANYTHING THAT IS LAME AND NOT METAL! LIKE PONIES! AND FLOWERS! AND WALMART! AND MOST OF ALL! JUSTIN BIEBER!

Mario: Okay.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Armored Dickenson: Power Level Infinity

Armored Beloff: Power Level Infinity

Mario: OH COME ON! INFINITY!? WHAT THE FUCK!

_Battle Music: __Win Hands Down by Armored Saint _

[TURN 1]

Armored Beloff: Just so you know, we got our name The Armored Saints from a band known Armored Saint. They're a Heavy Metal band from the 80s! 1 of Anthrax's vocalist is in that band! Did you know that!?

Mario: No I don't and I don't care!

Armored Dickinson: BOOGER HEAD!

Mario: For fuck sakes, there must be a way past their duration. Do your tattle Goombella so it can put my mind at ease and my foot in their ass.

Goombella uses Tattle: These are Iron Clefts. They're pretty rare. The scoreboard really isn't kidding about their power level. Looks like it is infinity... Hmm... It looks like it's HP is 6 while its attack is 4 so that minus the defense would be 18. So thats good cause maybe we might be able to finish these guys in a couple of turns as soon as we figure out their weakness. But the book does say that no attacks can pierce the defense of these hard, metallic Clefts. Are they impossible to defeat?

Mario: Of course not! Otherwise, they'd be the fucking champions!

Goombella: Well, maybe they're new or just like being in rank 10 for some reason.

Mario: I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT AS A VALID RATIONAL! KOOPS! ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Koops uses shell slam as ineffective results seemed to have happened: [0 Damage]

Mario: DAMNIT KOOPS! YOU STUPID FUCK!

Koops: My ass is sorry!

Goombella: Wait, Mario. This could be a little risky, but I have an idea. Repeat that while holding the Star of **Wrath**! Theres no way they can't get hurt by that!

Mario: Oh.

Mario raised the Star of **Wrath** holding it for results of an earth tremor.

Flurrie: How would that hurt them?

Goombella: Just watch!

Mario: *Ahem* DAMNIT KOOPS! YOU STUPID FUCK!

The star glowed and growed to the size of some1's garage and shook up the enemies and the audience creating even more non visual fan service. As epic as this move was, it did absolutely: [0 Damage]

Mario: NOOOOOOOO! HOW DID THAT NOT DO SHIT TO THEM!?

Goombella: WHAT!? THATS... IMPOSSIBLE! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO CUT THROUGH THEIR DURATION!

Armored Dickenson: Ble he he he... That didn't do shit poser faggots.

Armored Beloff: Yeah! Why don't you listen to some Slipknot backwards and kill yourself! Her Her Her..

Armored Dickinson bashed into Koops stabbing parts of his shell almost stabbing through to his heart: [3 Damage]

Koops: OWW!

Armored Dickenson: Your turn Beloff!

Armored Dickinson bashed into Koops also stabbing parts of his shell almost stabbing his heart: [3 Damage]

Koops: OOOOOOO!

Koops fell on his side in shimmering pain. Don't worry. He can get back up. He's not on his back.

[TURN 2]

Armored Dickenson: HE HE HE! Look at us! Look how tough we are!

Armored Beloff: Yeah! You guys don't even stand a chance even in a faggot Metalcore band!

Koops: Ugg... Im aight.

Goombella: Shit... I don't know if we have any more moves left...

Mario: I can think of 1.

Mario uses his Piercing Blow badge for the 1st time to cut through Armored Dickenson's defense. Like in the actual game, this hammer move some how did not work even though IT SHOULD HAVE: [0 Damage]

Mario: Okay. Now were out of moves...

Flurrie: Now what do we do?

Mario: Do what we do in last resort! Hope for some stupid shit to happen...

Koops appealed to the audience by holding up gang hand gestures. This actually boosted some SP. Oh wait, I never established SP in the series yet I don't think... Well, for those that have never played the 1st 2 Paper Marios, it stands for Star Power, and it's used to awaken the powers of the 7 dedly stars.

Koops: Sorry GG... Thats all I could think of doing.

Armored Dickinson moshed into Mario stabbing him mostly on his left arm damaging it a shit ton: [Damage 4]

Mario: FUCK! THAT DOES HURT!

Armored Beloff: HAHAHA! Ready to give up now booger face?

Mario: *panting*... Baeth in my taint juice asshole.

Armored Beloff does the same, only Mario somehow countered it by using his side B move from Smash Bros: [0 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Mario: BUT... THE COUNTER ALWAYS CUTS THROUGH DEFENSE!

Koops: Ah dayamn... I think we all otta options and shit...

Goombella: ... I hate to say this Mario and I never thought I would... but I think we better give up now before we get killed off by these steroid goblins.

Mario: Fuck that! If we give up now, we'll only have to fight them again!

Goombella: I'm so sorry, but I just don't think we have the resources to win this match.

Mario: YES WE DO! There's always a way to beat fuckheads! Im fucking Mario remember!?

Goombella: But I don't know how much that logic is going to pay off this time! I mean, I don't want to bail on this battle either, but we might need to plan this 1 out better!

Mario: NO! If we lose, our adventure is over and we'll never get past these beasts! And I am not gonna fucking lose to ANY1!

Mario uses a desperate hammer smash on Armored Dickinson doing absolutely nothing: [0 Damage]

Armored Dickinson: …..Really dude?

Armored Beloff: NO 1 CAN BREAK THROUGH OUR IRON EXTERIORS! NO 1!

Koops skipped his turn not knowing what to do.

Koops: I think Goombella is right yo! Lets just leave! We'll find another way later yo!

Mario: WE CANT!

Armored Dickinson does his most average attack on Mario without him countering: [4 Damage]

Mario: AAHHHHH! WERE NOT... GONNA LOOSE!

Armored Beloff did the same: [4 Damage]

[TURN 4]

Mario was pretty badly damaged with half of his health still left and bloody all over with 1 of his eyes shut.

Mario: We can... still... Win...

Goombella: WE HAVE TO GIVE UP MARIO! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'LL DIE IF WE DON'T!?

Flurrie: I don't know what other special moves we can do to win this. MMMMaybe we do have to pull out….

Koops: Come on GG! We don't stand a chance... Not with dat D on their shoulders!

Mario: ...

As rare as this is for Mario to do this, he actually had to swallow his pride to think for a second if maybe his partners knew what they're talking about.

Mario: ... *sigh* How about we compromise... We can't give up. I refuse to... But, we have 1 more dedly star we haven't used yet. The Star of **Envy** remember? If that doesn't work, I think I have another strategy that might work that won't require forfeiting the match necessarily.

Goombella: ... Alright fine... lets use it.

Mario held up the Star of **Envy**.

Mario: So what? Now I have to get jealous or something?

Goombella: Yeah. It's the Star of **Envy** for a reason!

Mario: Well how the fuck does that work!? I'm fucking Mario! I have everything ! Plus I am everything!

Koops: I know! Just think about how their Defense in infinite! Maybe that won't make you feel as omnipotent!

Goombella: That was actually.. a decent rhyme...

Mario: ...

The Star of **Envy **started glowing animating a giant Loony Tunes looking bomb about to blow up on the other team!

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: What's going on!?

Goombella: HOLY SHIT! IS IT GONNA BLOW UP GLITZVILLE!?

Koops: DAYAMN! And we just got off scotch free from dat last booshit!

Goombella: It's getting bigger! What do we do to stop this!?

Armored Dickinson: HAHA. You think a giant bomb is really going to blow us up!?

Armored Beloff: Haven't you non br00tle types not learned your lesson? Pfffff... Lame.

Mario: Wait a second...

The Bomb the star generated some how froze time for every1 accept for the Team M members. That was probably the best outcome that could have happened in that situation.

Mario: HA! Who's laughing now assholes!?

Koops: Whoa whoa whoa? Did the tizzle frizzle!?

Goombella: You mean time and freeze?

Koops: Yeei.

Mario: Apparently so. I don't know for how long though.

Koops: Oh. So dat shits works like a time bomb? That's some sick shit G!

Mario: Alright then. So I don't have any clue when time is going to unfreeze. Although it's most likely going to go by turn based logic which gives us an infinite amount of time to think up a plan.

Goombella: Do you think time is frozen all over the world? or THE UNIVERSE!?

Mario: Lets hope for either or. I kind of wanna find some hot bitches to strip while frozen.

Goombella: Come on Mario! Don't be sexist! Let's use this opportunity to our advantage.

Mario: Your right. Let's quickly run back to our locker room and think of a plan.

Goombella: Why in that gross shit hole?

Mario: I don't know. I kind of have to take a piss right now.

Goombella: ... Alright fine...

Mario: Cool. In the mean time, I still do not intend on forfeiting the match, so Flurrie, I want you to stay put. Don't attack any1 cause it might undo the spell. But incase the frozen time does have a limit and they start attacking, I want you to counter and just keep countering for as long as you can. Don't stop until we come back. And if they ask where we are, say we have to all take a piss and we'll be right back. I think they will actually buy that.

Flurrie: I can do all of that and much more hunny.

Mario: ... Anyway, as for the rest of us, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! SKIDDLY DIDDLY BOP!

Mario, Goombella, and Koops all ran off stage under the noses of the audience members also frozen in time. Will the time ever unfreeze even? Who knows. But yeah. It probably will eventually.

The Team M members were walking down the hallway to their locker room.

Koops: So my ass just realized somethin, what if Flurrie does anoder 1 of her tricks that grosses out everbody when they unfreeze? Like, what if they all quit from the grossness like lickity split and shit?

Mario: ... Nah. Thats happened enough already and it's not exactly very fresh material if that were to happen again.

Goombella: Eww... Was it ever even fresh to begin with?

Mario: I don't know.

As they were about to enter their locker room, a securitim mindlessly blocked their vey.

Securitim: Hey! Aren't you supposed to be fighting in a match right now?

Mario: Yeah but it's okay. were on a piss break so its on hold.

Securitim: Oh. Okay. Enter at will then.

The Obscure tardtastic team made it to their locker room where they were in for a spectacular surprise.

Yoshi (Age JUST FUCKING BORN): Yo! Which 1 of you bitches are my birth parents!?

Mario: Holy shit! Its a Black fucking Yoshi!

For a decent description, its the black Yoshi with the grey diaper and the orange spiky hair with yellow shoes. Assume it took 18 or 19 minutes for the Yoshi to hatch. If the time actually doesn't add up in your heads, FIND A WAY IN YOUR STUPID MINDS TO MAKE IT WORK!

Yoshi: Yei I'm the Black Yoshi! What? You got somethin to say to me? Huh!? Cause man! I can fuck yo ass up like a motha fucka if you cross the line with me bitch!

Goombella: How does he already know how to talk?

Yoshi: Girl, I don't know! I'm a fucking crack baby! That means I can do all kinds of crazy shit!

Koops: Like what Yo yo yoshi!?

Yoshi: Like kick your ass nigga!

Yoshi hopped on Koops and started smacking his face chronically.

Koops: Ow! ow! Ow! Come! on! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Ow! Stop it! Stop! It! Ow! OWW!

Mario: Whoa! How did you know Koops is the punching bag of our group?

Yoshi: Cause! He look like a bitch G! Also, I've actually been payin attention to what's been goin on and shit! Like, I know how you motha fuckaz are after them dedly stars, I know yall are doin that by stealin that champion belt, I know all about yo M-Crew Gonzales! Howz dat for savin time?

Koops: When did we gangsters talk about the belt since we rescued you?

Yoshi: Like I said, I'm a fucking crack baby! No need to play no FBI shit on mah ass! Geez.

Goombella: So wait, if you know all that? Then why did you need to ask if we were your birth parents?

Yoshi: Cause I was PLAYIN with you bitch! I know none of yallz asses birthed me out! My egg ass got stolen by some fuckin pigs in Yoshi's crack house, and yall rescued me from that pig slop fucka that wanted to literally eat my ass! So basically, you allz mah adopted parents now!

Mario: ... why?

Yoshi: So since yallz mah parents, you better give me a cool ass name.

Koops: Ah snap! I'm gonna name you-

Goombella and Mario: NO!

Mario: If it's 1 of your outdated sounding shitty rap names, i'm dinembouling you for the sake of art!

Mario: Hmm... So you want a name do yuh? Hmm... how does Toby sound?

Goombella: Please don't call him that!

Mario: Okay fine! Then how about I call him NIG-

Goombella: DO NOT NAME HIM THAT!

Mario: I was gonna call him Night Ranger but alright!

Goombella: Fuck it! We'll worry about the fucking naming shit later!

Yoshi: Damn! You all dumb as hell! I guess I'll just be Yoshi. That right. I'm naming my ass myself after my own species like we all look alike or some shit. Just for that, you know what Im gonna do?

Yoshi outside of his egg has joined Team M.

Mario: DAMNIT!

**[INITIATION MODE]**

"Yoshi's Abilities: A Primer"

Like Super Mario World, this Yoshi lets Mario ride his back. Despite being basically a fucking infant, he can somehow support Mario's unpleasantly fat ass on his back without breaking it.

Mario hopped on Yoshi's back.

Mario: Haha! Look at me every1!

Yoshi: GET HIS ASS OFF OF ME!

Mario: NO! Animal Cruelty is funny!

Yoshi started running around jumping all over the place like a crack baby from Kenya.

Yoshi did a ground pound flip to knock Mario into a wall slamming him on a pile of shit.

Mario: That was fun.

Goombella: You're an asshole Mario.

Mario: No shit.

**[END OF INITIATION MODE]**

Out of No where, Master Crash, and Cleftor came back to the locker room from doing some stuff.

Master Crash: YEAH! SO ME AND CLEFTOR JUST CAME BACK FROM A SECRET BOMBING MEETING!

Cleftor: Yeah! I liked the part where-

Master Crash smacked him to shut him up.

Master Crash: I SAID ITS BOMBING SECRET! SEEEEEEECREEEEEEEET!

Cleftor: Wait a second. You guys are back!? Does that mean you all won?

Master Crash: NO THEY DIDN'T YOU BOMBING BOMBTARD! LOOK AT GONZALES! LOOK HOW COVERED IN BLOOD AND BOMB HE IS! AWW MAN!

Cleftor: He looks like a GG Allin concert all over again.

Master Crash: YOU MEAN GG AS IN GREAT GONZALES!?

Cleftor: No! I mean GG Allin the infamous punk musician who gets naked and throws his fecal matter at the audience. I think he's been referenced quite a few times in this series. Including the current icon that might change at some point.

Mario: No, we didn't lose. Actually, we some how froze time, and we ran off not knowing how to break through their defense. So now we're here and we have a new partner in our team I guess.

Yoshi: Yo sup Bitches!

Master Crash: WHEN DID THAT BOMBING EGG CRACK!?

Cleftor: It must have been while weez were gone.

Goombella: So wait, time didn't stop for you guys at all?

Master Crash: WHAT? NO! THAT MUST HAVE HAPPENED IN THE BOMBING GLORY HOLE EXCLUSIVELY SINCE THATS WHERE YOU UNLEASHED THE SPELL!

Goombella: Aren't people all over watching this show all over the world?

Koops: Yei. I wonder what em' TV viewers watching this are thinking about the time being frozen?

Meanwhile somewhere in Rhode Island,

A random fat drunk asshole was watching the game not knowing why it was frozen while sitting on his couch with nothing but a tank top covered in beer, piss, cheetos, and bits of heart medication.

Peter (Age 44): ... This is the best game of Freeze Tag i've ever seen! MOVE! MOVE ALREADY YOU SON'S OF BITCHES!

Peter pulled a greasy wiimote out between his butt cheeks and taint, and chucked it at the TV breaking it.

Mario: Oh they're fine I guess.

Koops: Wait wait wait! Hod up! So happened to them eggshells?

Goombella: Why is that important right now?

Koops: I don't know. Just thinking up them ideas G!

Yoshi: Daamn! You know, I forgot where I hatched!

Mario: Guys. The shells are under the bench. And there's a bag of weed inside.

Yoshi: That's what that bag was? Holy shit that's pretty dope! Literally!

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense? How can a bag of weed have been inside your egg the whole time?

Mario: WHO CARES! LETS SMOKE THAT SHIT!

Master Crash: YES! YES! YES! YES! SMOKE THE BOMB OUT OF IT!

A half an hour later, Mario, Goombella, Koops, Yoshi, Master Crash, and Cleftor were all sitting around the locker room in a cloud of weed smoke. They were getting high out of their god damn minds talking about absolute bullcrap. They were playing _21st Century Schizoid Man by King Crimson_ in the background so they can feel even higher from the music itself.

Master Crash: AND THAT'S HOW I GOT THE NAME MASTER CRASH!

Yoshi: Man, do you have to yell everything you say? What's up witdat?

Master Crash: WOOOOOOOOOOW! NO 1 HAS EVER HAD THE BALLS TO CALL ME OUT OF THAT BOMB BEFORE! YA SO LIKE, THERE'S THIS 1 TIME, WHERE I WAS WAY BOMBING DRUNK AND HIGH AS BOMB OUT OF MY BOMBING MIND, SO THEN MY LADY FRIEND I MET ON AN ONLINE FORUM ABOUT WIRING ILLEGAL EXPLOSIVES WANTED TO BOMB! I TRIED, BUT MY BOMB WAS WAYYYY TOO BOMBING LIMP MAN IT WAS EMBARRASSING! PART OF WHY IM KEEPING MY VIRGINITY AT ALL COSTS TOO! SO THEN SHE WAS GOING TO BOMBING LEAVE AND NEVER BOMBING TALK TO ME AGAIN, SO THEN I SAID, WAIT! HOLD ON! I HAVE AN IDEA! SO I RAN INTO MY DAD'S ROOM WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING! I WOKE HIM THE BOMB UP AND SAID, "DAAAAAAAAD! I'M WAY TOO BOMBING DRUNK AND HIGH TO BOMB MY GF! CAN YOU DO IT FOR ME!?" AND HE SAID, "SURE!" THEN THE WALLS STARTED POUNDING FROM ALL THE BOMBING SEX IN THE OTHER ROOM! IT WAS SOOOOOOO BOMBING LOUD AND DISTURBING! I TRIED TELLING THEM TO KEEP IT DOWN, BUT MY VOICE WAS WAY TOO BOMBING QUIET. I REGRETTED NOT BEING LOUD ENOUGH TO ADVOCATE FOR MYSELF PROPERLY, SO SINCE THEN, I MADE A VOW OF BEING LOUD. BECAUSE IF SOMETHING LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENED AGAIN, I'D WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT THEY SHOULD KEEP IT THE BOMB DOWN MAN! AND THAT'S WHY I TALK SO BOMBING LOUD!

Goombella: Wait, so its not because of your crack addiction?

Master Crash: NAH MAN... I MEAN, WOMAN! THAT BOMB EVENS ME OUT!

Goombella: Thats awesome! Holy fuck you guys are so awesoooooooome! Ha! I'm really high right now. LITERALLY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Get it? Cause where in Glitzville. ANd its floating. I think being higher up in altitude is making us even higher!

Koops: So why do you say bomb alot when you wanna swear MC?

Master Crash: BECAUSE IT'S A RELIGIOUS BOMBING THING STUPID! WANNA HEAR ALL ABOUT IT!?

Mario: No! Don't kill my buzz with your idiotic religious crap, I'll kill you with my bare hands and not make it look like a shitty accident. Also, I'm trying to come up with some hard core porn ideas in my mind right now! I see that shit so clearly right now. And the song we're listening to would be in it.

Goombella: Fuck, you know what I've been thinking about lately? Is there a reason why college is so expensive? Like, I don't know... why the fuck do I have to pay money I get from uhh... work... just so that I can..uhh... do tons of work to ... work some more. I mean, yeah, they're providing us with the resources to learn for our money and working with us in return, but it's fucking ridiculous how much money I have to pay.

Mario: Oh thats bullshit. You were telling us last time that your parents pay for college. That, and you've never even worked a job in your sheltered Goomba life! It's amazing you even had the balls to even to come to Ghettoport.

Goombella: ... Quiet! Can't you see i'm trying to sound like I work hard in front of these people!?

Goombella: Plus, its just that I've also been thinking. Do I even really need to finish college? Like, i'm already doing what I want to in my field. I'm totally going on an adventure doing what I love already that a professional would be doing. So…...yeah.

Mario: I doubt many people in that community really care.

Goombella: I bet they will 1ce we open the 1000 year door. Yeah, its not very popular right now, but it USED to be! I bet 1ce we open the treasure, we'll already be famous. So by the end the day, this will totally boost my status as a famous architect within the community world wide!

Koops: Isn't we famous now?

Mario: And you really believe that?

Goombella: You really like being condescending like that don't you? Like, you mean to tell me that a secret organization of possibly 1,000,000 henchmen aren't TOTALLY after what we are? LIke, INVADING shit!? Its a miracle they haven't found us in Glitzville already looking for the next Dedly Star.

Mario: That's exactly why I was telling you we should have stolen the champion's belt instead of becoming famous fighters. Thats pretty much the whole reason why we came here. Like, seriously, doing that would have been 1000x easier than signing up as professional fighters. Like, we could have avoided 11 differant things by doing that so far. Like, what will they think when we leave and the champion's belt goes missing huh? That won't just make shit more suspicious? Seriously, our Team M could have easily gone to like I don't know, some haunted looking level searching for the 4th star by now if we did it that way!

Master Crash: WAIT, SO YOU GUYS ARE UNDER BOMBING COVER PRETENDING TO BE FIGHTERS!?

Cleftor: Holy fucking shit thats awesome!

Goombella: OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT YOU GUYS! So none of you care that we're secretly temporary fighters just for the star on the belt?

Master Crash: NAH MAN! ITS COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE! ESPECIALLY IN THE WAY YOU ALL JUST EXPLAINED IT! ITS BOMBING AWESOME!

Cleftor: Although I will say this, almost any1 else in the leagues would actually be furious, we don't care. FUCK THE SYSTEM MAN! Also, you guys actually can fight. Really well actually.

Mario: Cool. That means I don't have to kill any of you then. You think im kidding dont you?

Master Crash: HOLY FUCK! MY HANDS ARE SO BOMBING HUGE! LIEK, THEY CAN TOUCH EVERYTHING! EVEN THE SKY MAN!

Cleftor: You don't even have any hands.

Master Crash: NEITHER DO YOU! SHUT UP!

Cleftor: Oh yeah!? Well, I bet I know more punk bands than any of you! Watch this, Bla-

Mario: Wait a sec Cleftor, not that I really care, but I thought were a straight edge.

Master Crash: YEAH! STRAIGHT EDGES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SMOKE BOMBING MARIJUANA MAAAAAAAAAN!

Clefter: ... PFFFFFFFFT HAHAHAHAHHA I forgot man! HAHAHAHAAAA!

Master Crash: SAY, I WONDER, DO YOU THINK WE'RE COOL ENOUGH TO SMOKE WEED WITH BOB-OMB MARLEY!?

Yoshi: Not if we keep this Koops turkey around man! He's a bitch who can't rap for his own diarrhea!

Koops: Whatchu talkin bout YO-shi? I'm so good at rap, Dr. Dre would put me in the hall of fame for being so good!

Yoshi: That aint even his job bitch! Maaaan, you know nothing about the rap business do yuh?

Koops: But i'm a based god when it comes to rap!

Yoshi: Oh yeah!? Well, lets do a rap battle then! You and me right now nigga! Lets do it!

Master Crash: OOOOOOOH! BOMB IS GOING DOWN! I REPEAT! BOMB IS GOING DOWN!

Koops: Uhh... Im not sure if-

Yoshi: Shut up and rap right now bitch! I'll even lay you a beat! Alright, GO!

Yoshi started beat boxing for Koops as he tried thinking of how to start his freestyle off... Oh dear.

Koops: Uhh... Alright... uhh...

Mario: JUST DO IT!

Koops: Uhh... Right. Fine... Mah name is Koop-C-Reel whatcho deal? I like it when my momma makes me a free meal, as long as it ain't no goddamn veil, as long as it's anything that makes me appeal. Please don't complain while I break the seal, the seal that awakens my rapping feels, if you complain then you better not yeal, cause my rappings so so so so zeal.

Yoshi: Okay okay okay! STOP! Just stop that shit NOW! 1st of all, STOP rhyming with your stupid rap name! Any1 with a half a brain even born today can know you have no rapping skills. All you do is rhyme with "eel." Don't even get me started on how you started speaking cringing ass jibberish nigga. Do that again, I'm kicking you deep in the taint!

Koops: Aww come on! GUYS!?

Goombella: Dude, he's right. You really can't rap.

Cleftor: I get seriously nauseous whenever I hear you try. And let me really underline TRY!

Mario: Yeah. You really should stop trying to rap while your ahead and leave it to people that don't rap of cancer.

Yoshi: Yei! Allow me!

Master Crash: I'M BEATBOXInG THIS TIME!

Master Crash started beat boxing.

Yoshi: You think you can rap and you think your enormous! Last time I checked you gave a lame ass preformance, your beats are out of whack and they got no rhythm, your sheltered you slack so get out of your prism! You have no skill you can't articulate, there is not a way for any1 to calculate. You can't rap like this, your ignorance is bliss, watch me bend over you give my ass a kiss!

Koops: Uhh Okay...

Every1 else: KOOPS!

Koops: Aww nevermind...

Yoshi: Aight... yei... I can do this all day my raps are incredible. I can beat you all day cause it is inevitable. My words can rhyme cause I think ahead quickly, My words can flow it will smack you silly. I'm worlds away, this ain't no contest, I was born today, so don't even try to be modest. I'm a crack baby who knows how to formulate. I can speak in ways that you cannot speculate!

Yoshi: BITCH!

Master Crash: HOLY BOMB! THAT WAS BOMBING AWESOME!

Goombella: Yeah. you really can free style!

Mario: Damn! Even I though that was impressive. It's nice to have partners that are actually talented.

Cleftor: Yeah. I'm a punk rocker and I'm pretty please by that.

Yoshi: Thanks yall. You all real. More real than that Koop-C-Reel nigga!

Koops: Aww man... Yeah. You really busted my chops out there huh nigger?

Yoshi: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN BITCH!

Koops: Oh... sorry. I though since you called me that-

Yoshi: LEARN HOW THOSE DYNAMICS WORK RETARD!

Yoshi decked Koops hard in the face knocking him on the floor with a little bit of blood rushing down his mouth area.

Yoshi: 1, there's a difference between "nigger" and "nigga". 2, You ESPECIALLY do NOT call a black Yoshi that word!

Koops: But what's the difference between those words? I thought they both meant homie or something.

Yoshi: It's too complicated for you to understand!

Koops: Oh... hehe... Whoopsies.

Mario: Well like it or not, i'm gonna refer to you as a niglet.

Yoshi: ... Thats fine. Thats a funny name anyway.

Goombella: So you see Koops. This is why you can't be a rapper. Were not trying to be mean or nothing, we just know that this whole rap thing... Its hard to explain, but... it just isn't you.

Mario: Yeah. Your a socially awkward spaz that I'm sure has some form of autism.

Master Crash: TALKING YOUR FRIEND OUT OF FUN HOBBIES!? DISREGARDING THAT HE MIGHT BOMBING IMPROVE!? HAHA! SOME FRIENDS YOU GUYS ARE!

Goombella: Like, Koops. We're only telling you this cause we actually do kind of care about... well you get it. I don't know. I mean, none of us are actually friends are we?

Mario: Nah.

Koops: I don't know.

Yoshi: Gangstas don't befriend their parents.

Goombella: Exactly. Were all just working together temporarily to get a job done. That's all.

Master Crash: LOL! YOU GUYS ARE SO FULL OF BULLBOMB RIGHT NOW!

Goombella: But to my point Koops. Do you understand why you can't be a rapper and why you have to give us this rap phase while you still can?

Koops: Yeah... I understand... Aww man. I'm sorry I've been such a dick lately. I just haven't been honest with who I am.

Goombella: It's all right. At least you finally learned your lesson.

Mario: Yeah, we finally broke you out of that hypnotic wigger spell from that M.C.A$$Hat douche.

Yoshi: Damn! That's the guy who put a wigger spell on you? Imma have to kill his ass for turning you into a shitty rapper.

Koops: Gosh golly... I don't know if I was cursed... I think i'm just a little impressionable. Thats all.

Mario: No! Fuck you! You were cursed and when we come back to Ghettoport, were murder-fucking him as a team! Team M!

Koops: Aight... I mean, All right then... hmm... I wonder if Bandy Andy was under the same spell.

Cleftor: Nah man. I think he's just like that.

Yoshi: Damn!

Goombella: OH SHIT! Guys! I think we forgot about the fight we're still technically still in!

Mario: Oh yeah! We never ended the [BATTLE MODE] did we?

Goombella: No we didn't! We were supposed to strategize a plan! Not get stoned and recreate That 70's Show again!

Yoshi: Strategize a plan huh? Hey no need to worry about that girl! I got a plan. I say I use mah throwin move that Yoshis can use with their mouths in Smash Bros! I bet they'll have to face some kind of damage if I clash them together.

Goombella: Hey! Thats right! That makes so much scientific sense when you put it that way!

Mario: Alright then! Lets go back to the Glory Hole and finish the fight!

Koops: But isn't that a quote from-

Mario: I KNOW WHAT IS FROM AND I DON'T CARE!

Master Crash: OH HEY! BEFORE YOU GO, WE WERE BOMBING WONDERING IF CLEFTOR AND I CAN JOIN YOUR M TEAM!

Mario: No. Our maximum is 1 newcomer per chapture. And even then, I don't think we can deal with team mates that are loud or uninteresting.

Cleftor: Good going Master Crash. Thanks for ruining our chances. And they know the truth; I'm uninteresting. Now I have to write a song about it.

Master Crash: SHUT UP BOMBTARD!

Koops: Again, sorry I being such a dick lately...

Mario: We forgive you sort of. I really don't care anymore. Lets just go back out there and continue our winning streak.

The Newly slightly bigger Team M entered the time frozened Glory Hole with a plan in action.

Goombella: Thank god! Time is still frozen!

Yoshi: So this is the Glory Hole huh?

Mario: Yes. Yes it is.

Yoshi: Why does it smell like puke?

Flurrie was seen sexually penetrating herself with 1 of the spikes of Armored DIckinson.

Flurrie: Hello my tenacious team of erotic rogues!

Yoshi: AH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!?

Yoshi puked on the floor.

Goombella: Yeah... thats our 1 teammate you haven't seen yet.

Mario: Yeah! She's a fat retired porn star whos fucking disgusting. She's repulsive as all hell but you'll get used to it sadly.

Goombella: Wait a minute! Flurrie! You haven't been molesting the opponents have you!?

Flurrie: Of course I've been silly buns. What? You wouldn't do the same thing in my position?

Goombella: NOBODY WOULD!

Mario: Dont you know that you've been wasting your attack turns on molesting them!? That is exactly why I specifically said not to touch them!

Flurrie: Oh pleeeeeeeease. I think I know what I'm doing as a famous egotistical porn star. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna take a dump on Armored Beloff.

Flurrie pompously ignored her and proceeded in the act of defecation by spreading her butt cheeks everywhere.

Goombella, Koops, Mario, and Yoshi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Flurrie started anally crowning a turd.

Yoshi: IM BLIND!

Soon enough, Flurrie had taken her amazing dump all over the Armored Beloff. This also unfortunately broke the spell of the clock out.

Armored Beloff: AAAAHH! What happened to me!? Why am I trenched in mud!?

Armored Dickinson: I think thats... shit! And my spikes smell the same way for some reason!

Koops: Do they really not notice that time stopped?

Armored Beloff: AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!1 Thats disgusting! BLEEEEEEEEEEEERG! You're paying for that bitch!

Armored DIckinson and Beloff both did an armored team attack putting her in the highway to the danger zone" [10 Damage]

Flurrie: I just orgasmed...sooooooo... much...

[TURN 7] (Turn 5 and 6 started while most of the team was gone.)

Yoshi: I'm momentarily blind homies... I don't think I can fight them...

Mario: What?

Yoshi: Flurries grossness... it really psychologically damaged mah ass watching her do that turd shit. My bad yall... The plan is off!

Koops: Shhhhhhucks!

Goombella: Ah man! Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Now what are we gonna do!?

Mario: ... I GOT IT! This is still a long shot but my other plan B might just work! Hey Grubba! Give me your microphone!

Grubba: Uhh... sure thing.

Grubba handed Mario the mic for a few words to say.

Mario: ATTENTION EVERY1! THE ARMORED SAINTS HAVE SECRETLY BEEN HAVING GAY SEX WITH EACHOTHER!

Audience: HUH!?

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Grubba: HOLY COMOLLI! IS THIS STATEMENT TRUE!?

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: ... yess...

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Grubba: SO EVEN THOUGH YOUR BIOLOGICAL TWINS? YOU'VE BEEN HAVING TWINCEST UNDER OUR NOSES!? AND NOT THE HOT BROTHER SISTER OR EVEN SISTER ON SISTER KIND OF TWINCEST NEITHER! THE... THE GAY KIND!

Armored Dickinson: ...*sniff*...Its true. Our secret is revealed.

Armored Beloff: We've been having rock hard gay sex in raunchy places of Glitzville.

Adiance: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AGAIN!

Grubba: I... I DONT BELIEVE THIS! THATS IT! YOUR BOTH BANNED FROM GLITZVILLE FOR PERFORMING THE DIGGITY DANG-DOOZY IN MY TOWN! SECURITIM!

A team of Securitims entered the Glory Hole interrupting the fight.

Securitim: Yes boss?

Grubba: Get these fagwads out of here! I don't want their homo ways to corrupt my Glory Hole!

Securitim: Yes boss!

The Securitims somehow had the strength to escort the Armored Saints out of Glitzville resolving the match 1ce and for all.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Koops: Wowzerz Mario! When did you find that out about them having gay sex!?

Mario: I didn't.

Koops: Oh...

Mario: I just guessed. That's all. I mean, it was pretty obvious.

Koops: ...Oh yeah...

Armored Dickinson: YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! HOW DARE YOU LEARN OF OUR HIDEOUS SECRET YOU RAT BASTARDS!

Armored Beloff: YEAH! WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M SMASHING YOU HARDER THEN I SMASH MY BROTHER'S ROCK HOLE ON WEDNESDAYS!

Mario: Oh yeah, and I forgot 1 thing. HEY! You both look like a pair of blue balls that got infected by Tommy Lee's toxic jizz. Not too far from now, you will find yourselves in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the grossest pair of nuts on the planet!

YO-Shi: Does he always go on these tangents?

Goombella: Well... yeah.

Armored Dickinson and Beloff: YOUR DED! YOUR SO FUCKING FUCK DED YOU FUCKING BOOGER HEADS! THIS ISN'T OVER! THIS ISN'T OVER! NOT BY A LONG SHOT RETAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

The Securitim have successfully omitted the Armored Homos out of the Glory Hole for the good of all fighters. Now no 1 has to worry about facing enemies with dangerously overpowered defense ever again.

Mario: Haha! Isn't homophobia great?

Goombella: No. No it's not.

Mario: Oh please, because of homophobia dominating the norm of Glitzville, we were able to win victoriously! Now are you saying that's a bad thing?

Goombella: Well... That shouldn't be the message we should be giving though.

Mario: No, but we still won! SO HA!

Audience: GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG! GG!

**Chapture 4 - 14: The Majority is Greater than the Minority!**

Back to the minor leagues locker room 1ce more,

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now an official major leaguer in rank 10.

Jolene Handed Mario 7 coins this time.

Mario: I feel like that particular match deserves much more than 7 coins. I just got some1 fired for having gay sex!

Jolene: Welp... If it makes you feel better, we did look into that mystery box investigation and now are lawsuit is official and it's looking pretty strong. Turns out they did not have to proper licensing and will probably need to give out warnings to sell them from now on. So your suggestion actually worked out for good. Im sure Grubba will reward you in some way for that, and getting The Armored Saints fired. Goombella: So wait, now that we're major leaguers, does that mean we can finally move up into the other locker room?

Jolene: Yes. I will escort you to Grubba so he can officially register you as a Major Leaguer.

Master Crash: DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE NO LONGER HAVING BOMBING ROOMMATES!? THATS BULLBOMB!

Yoshi: Yeah man! Im tired of smelling shit all day!

Cleftor: I don't usually say this about any1, but Gonzales! You are the most punk rock person i've ever laid eyes on in this town and you really bring the old school back to Glitzville! Your controversial, edgy, you're just a freak of nature in the most scummiest ways imaginable!

Mario: What? Whatever. Fuck you all! Were out of here bitchtards!

Cleftor: See what I mean though!? KNARLEY!

Jolene: Are you coming Gonzales!?

Gonzales... I mean, Mario: Damn! Aren't you impatent! Are you getting dicked soon or something?

Jolene: Just shut up and follow me.

Master Crash: WE LOVE YOU GONZALES!

Koops: We love you too...

Mario: Don't encourage them.

Meanwhile in the office of Grubba,

Grubba was masterbating to cow porn of cows lactating all over the thin hot Madame Flurrie while she jacked off the utters back in 1990.

Grubba: Mmmm... Yeah... Come on Flurrie, milk those animal utters... yeah! Oh... oh my gracious! Is she?,... SHE IS! Holy tomoli! She's sodomizing herself with them utters! AND OH MY GOOOOOOOOD CREAM IS COMING OUT! I REPEAT! CREAM IS CUMING OUT!

Soon enough, Jolena immediately opened the door and brought Mario and his strange friends into the office to discuss somewhat important Glitzbizz. Grubba panicked as he reached over and slammed his laptop shut making it look like he wasn't being walked in on masterbating despite his penis dangling everywhere.

Grubba: WAAA! COME ON! DOES ANYBODY KNOCK THE DOOR THESE DAYS!?

Jolene: Umm...Mr. Grubba... I've summoned Mr. Gonzales, for you as demanded.

Grubba: Hmm... Why does the gross purple partner look so familiar to me right now... Almost as if she's some1 a was wanking it too... Oh well! Next time Jolene, learn to mind your manners. As an intern, you know it's best... to teach you a lesson. Why don't you come here so I can give you a little special managing like treatment...

Jolene: Uhh... No thanks. I kind of have to get back to my job...

Grubba: Nonsense were all family here... Now do it or you're fired!

Jolene: *Sigh* Fine...

Jolene walked over to the phallically exposed Grubba with the sense of worry and shame.

Grubba hopped out of his sticky seat and smacked her in the face, kissed her cheeks, squeezed her boobs, pulled down her pants exposing her thong, grinded his penis on her, turn her around, and moterboated her buttcheeks, and spanked her.

Mario, Koops, and Yoshi all had boners,

Flurrie's nipple got really erect.

Flurrie: Talk about 1 hell of a porno consept...

Goombella surprisingly enough actually felt bad for the Toad.

Jolene: *Sniff*... I have to get to work now...

Grubba: And don't let that ass hit the door on the way out! Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk...

Goombella: GEEZ! This man is a sicker fuck than Mario!

Mario: You say something?

Goombella: No.

Grubba: Now then! On to man talk, Gonzales, Gonzales, Gonzales! Bravo. You successfully found a way to climb your way to the major leagues and finish the careers of those sick Armored Cockheads! I trained you well didn't I?

Mario: Well not really. I just wanted to win and they were pissing me the fuck off.

Grubba: Oh you ol' so-and'-so! But still! You gotta admit, a team that can register and work their way up the Major leagues already in 1 day! That takes some harlin tarlin talent right there buddy! And no ordinary talent neither! Yall just got some skills doncha!?

Mario: Well yeah. They were all weak as fuck. I've faced tougher opponents in hooker auctions during Black Friday.

Grubba: That's why I'm right! You already a star son. A star that continues to rise! Between the fighting and the Lawsuits, you're making money fly out my ass crack! See!?

Grubba pulled a wad of 10,000 Coins out of his anal cavity.

Grubba: So all you gotta do is just keep fighting, and make me 1,000,000s! 1,000,000,000s even! I'm countin' on you, son. So I got a special li'l somethin'-somethin' for you.

Mario: Please don't kiss me.

Grubba handed Mario 30 coins he just pulled out of his ass.

Mario: You have 1,000,000s of coins. You can't just give me some of that shit?

Grubba: SO I have to lay something honest on you. Your costume, well... it makes you look more outdated than a 1970's gay porn star. And it ain't cool. What do you say someday… or hour, when you're a champion, I'll have 1 made for you. A pink 1 with some feathers! We'll even make you fly into the audience on some see through strings! Something like David Lee Roth from Van Halen. Fits with your song doesn't it?

Mario: Yeah, and about that song. I'm fucking sick of it. Van Halen's cool and all, but it stopped being fun to hear after the 4th or 5th fight. Can you just change it to something a bit more... fitting? Something that will make it very apparent that I'm going to kick the opponent's fucking ass.

Grubba: CAN DO! And I know just the right song too! Now why don't you follow me and I'll guide you to your new locker room and make some new friends eh?

Koops: Oh boy! New friends!? This is gonna be great!

Goombella: No it's not.

If you can remember the description of the major league locker room, you'll know this room is not at all interesting.

Grubba: As you remember from the 1st tour, you'd know that you're in the major leagues right? This will be your new locker room right here pal! Talk about an upgrade huh? No shit, and no shit smell!

Flurrie: Sheesh... You really call that an upgrade?

Goombella: I'd say it is.

Koops: *Sigh* no more shit partay huh...

Yoshi: Fuck that shit.

Grubba: Well now that you're all settled in, I must got back to masterbating to Madame Flurrie and her crazy cow porn from the 90s! YEE HAA!

Grubba ran off in the peak of hornyness off to masterbizzle all over his desk made from Holland.

Flurrie: WAIT! I'M THE MADAME FLURRIE! DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME!?

Goombella: He's gone Flurrie.

Yoshi: You guys noticed he was walking around with his dangolang hanging out?

Koops: Wait, I thought you were blind.

Yoshi: I got most of that shit out of my system after the fight. But don't remind me! Yuck man!

Flurrie: Its nice to see a fan from time to time...

Flurrie started rubbing her boobs on Yoshi as an attempt to try and make a move on him.

Flurrie: Wanna nibble on em'?

Yoshi: AWWW! GET THEM MALICIOUS MILK MONSTERS OFF OF ME YOU FAT COW!

Goombella: Don't tell me you're gonna go all pedophile over that baby Yoshi...

Flurrie: What's wrong with that? Don't any of you have a fetish for children?

Goombella: NO!

Mario: Yes.

Koops was distracted as he was looking up more Simpsons hentai of Moe Sizlack on a sex swing getting his dick sucked by Lisa Simpson while up in the air getting pounded by Krusty the Clown.

Suddenly, Rawk Hawk walked in the room with stomps of loud and compensation. More compensation than Glenn Danzig on a tour.

Rawk Hawk: KNAWK KNAWK! THE RAWK HAWK IS ON THE CLAWK!

Rawk Hawk: LISTEN UP YOU GAY PANSIES! I'VE BEEN HEARING ALL ABOUT SOME WANNABE BADASS ON A 10 MATCH WINNING STREAK! I'M WANNA POUND THE GAYNESS OUT OF HIM TO SHOW HIM THAT I! RAWK HAWK WILL KNAWK HIM OUT BY DANGLING MAH CAWK!

Mario: Oh great. It's the other loser who can't stop yelling in all caps.

Rawk Hawk: HUH? OH! UH-OH EVERYBODY! WE- WE GOT A BADASS OVER HERE!

Rawk Hawk started crouching down to look seemingly badass.

Mario: What are you trying to do? Shit your pants?

Rawk Hawk: IT'S YOU! YOUR THE 1 THATS BEEN MESSING WITH MAH FAME! LISTEN HERE, YOU'RE NOTHING, YOU'RE A WEEK FAGGOT! YOU HEAR ME? YOUR A WEAK 4 FOOT 3 SIZED FAGGOT WITH A SMALL SMELLY PENIS! LIKE AN ANCHOVY! I JUST BECAME CHAMPION AND YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE MY BELT AWAY FROM ME YOU PUNK?

Mario: Yes. Yes I can you abominable retard!

Rawk Hawk: WHOA DUDE! STEP BACK FROM THE HAWK UNLESS YOU WANNA GET RAWKED!

Mario: Yeah yeah...

Mario quickly snatched Rawk Hawk's belt causing his champion speedo to fall off exposing his barely visible feathery genitalia.

Mario: I GOT IT!

Koops: QUICK! EVERY 1! RUN!

Koops got way too excited and accidentally ran into a wall.

Rawk Hawk: GOD DAMNIT! MY PANTS FELL!

Goombella: GUYS! WHERE'S HIS PENIS!?

Yoshi: DAYAMN! HIS FEATHERS ARE BIGGER THAN HIS OWN SHLONG!

Goombella: Its either missing or it's just…. THAT small…

Flurrie: Maybe it's merely a pimple.

Rawk Hawk: WHAT THE!? HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY BELT YOU GAYWAD!

Flurrie stood in front of Rawk Hawk to blawk him from grabbing the belt back.

Flurrie: STAND BACK CAWK BLAWK! DON'T MAKE ME SUCK YOUR DICK!

Rawk Hawk stood still with his armed crossed more pissed off that another man has his belt and not so much that he is officially butt naked at this point.

Rawk Hawk: PFFT! YOU THINK I'M ASHAMED OF MY PENIS!? I HAVE BIG MUSCLES! THATS ALL THE PENIS I NEED!

Koops got back up.

Koops: Ouchiez... where am I?

Yoshi started sniffing the star.

Yoshi: *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff*... Wait, dat shit's FAAAAAAAAAAAKE! This shit ain't no dedly star! Its just some cheap ass knock off G! Look at it!

Yoshi handed the belt to Mario.

Mario: ... hmm... You say its fake? ... Koops. Lick it.

Koops: KK!

Koops started licking it to see what Yoshi was talking about.

Koops: Yummm... Tastes like paint!

Goombella: Yum?

Mario: ... Paint…? This was an arts and craft project wasn't it? When did you make this, kindergarten? last year? This belt is trash.

Rawk Hawk at the right moment grabbed his not so excellent belt back from Mario and put his speedo back on.

Rawk Hawk: YOU THINK YOU GOT SOME BALLS FOR PLAYING SOME BELT SNATCHING TRICKS ON ME HUH? DIDN'T YOUR MOMMA EVER TEACH YOU MANNERS!

Mario: My mom was a fucking stork you gay ugly retarded Conary.

Rawk Hawk: I AM NOT A- ... YOUR LUCKY I'M SAVING MY FISTS FOR YOUR FACE FOR WHEN YOU'RE UP AGAINST ME! THE FAWKING SAWKING KNAWKING RAWK HAWK!

Mario: Wow! You really think I can make it that far!? Gosh! Thanks pal! Can't wait to dislocate your ass with my foot sometime today.

Rawk Hawk: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! THATS IT! I'M LEAVING! GO BACK TO YOUR NON RAWKING BELT LIVES AND WEEP IN SHAME!

Rawk Hawk slammed the door on the Mario and the rest of the major leaguers.

Yoshi: Damn team! He's a stupid bird.

Mario: You can say that again.

Koops: He said, "Damn team! He's a -

Mario: I know what he said Koops! Now shut up!

Goombella: Wait, so something doesn't add up. Why would the map point to a fake star? Unless... No... I don't... ….

Koops: What's wrong Goombella?

Goombella: That would mean that they have a secret hidden dedly star somewhere in Glitzville and they're using it for something else... Only to use the 1 we just saw as a decoy. So that means, HA! I TOLD YA STEALING THE BELT WAS A BAD IDEA MARIO! Cause the 1 on the belt was FAKE! HAAAAAAA!

Mario: Yeah yeah... Fine. You were right. Don't rub it in you pompous bitch.

Goombella: Relax! I just find it funny that your strategy probably would have destroyed the 1000 Year Door shrine with that decoy.

Mario: Stop laughing! This is frustrating. Not funny.

Koops: Gee willikers. That means we might have to looky here harder than we thought huh? Hehe.

Mario's cell phone: Bitch you got a text message! Bitch you got a text message! Bitch you got a text message!

Koops: What's that sound going off?

Goombella: Is that your text notification?

Mario: Damnit! Who the hell is trying to get a hold of me now?

Mario checked his phone to see that he had received 1 new message from... aNoNyMoUs?

Mario: Son of a bitch. Don't tell me anonymous is trying to hack my phone again.

Goombella: Again?

Mario: Its quite common when you're a world wide celebrity. Alright... Lets see what this is all about.

Goombella: Aren't you supposed to not click on those?

Mario: I don't know. Who cares.

Mario clicked on it letting Goombella read it out loud.

aNoNyMoUs: !|= '/0|_| \/\/4/\/7 7#3 574|? 0|= **6|?33|)**, 7#3/\/ #33|) /\/\'/ !/\/57|?|_|(7!0/\/5..

Goombella: Wh… what the hell is this gibberish?

Koops: Wait, hold on! Lemme take a look see.

Koops: Hmm…. I think I recognise it. It's LEET! It's a weird internet language internet people use!

Goombella: What? Why would any1 need to use that?

Koops: I don't know. It just exists. I think it's kind of cool.

Goombella: How do you know about it?

Koops: Let me just read it.

Koops: It says, If you want the Star of **Greed**, then heed my instructions.

Goombella: Well alright. I still dont understand why writing in leet is necessary.

Koops: It sounds spooky.

Goombella: It's not spooky. It's just ridiculous is what it is.

Yoshi: But wait, HOD UP! Who else besides the X-Nazis know about the dedly stars? Sounds like we got our asses into more of a mystery then weez was expectin huh?

Flurrie: Indeed my Yoshi Woshi.

Yoshi: Please don't call me that. Ever again.

Koops: Well lets just talk to these guys and see if they know anything.

Goombella: They're not gonna tell us anything Koops.

Koops: Well wait a second, we can figure this out palz!

Koops tried talking to The Koopinator 1st.

Koops: Hello! I'm Koops. Nice to meet you.

Koopinator: Fuck off you invalid specimen of my race!

Koops: Oooookay.

Koops tried talking to a Red Spike Top next.

Koops: Hello! I'm Koops. Nice to meet you.

Spisse (Age 43): Hvem faen er det du snakker med? Jeg bare liker å brenne ned kirker i navnet Satanas.

Goombella: Was that Norwegian?

Koops: Alright. No luck here.

Koops tried talking to the Hammer Bro.

Hamma (Age 39): What the hell do you want? … Just what we need. Another Koopa. Get out of my face asshole!

Koops: Ummm... Okay.

Goombella: Why is he trying to talk to all of the turtle specied people?

Mario: Ever see a dog that gets really excited when encountered by other dogs?

Koops lastly tried talking to a Shady Koopa next. A blue shelled Koopa with sandy grey skin.

Koops: Uhhh...

ShellShocker (Age 37): Get the fuck away from me essei! Don't bother me or I'll cut you 1.

Koops: Uhh... K. BAI!

Yoshi: DAMN! AIN'T NO NIGGA LIEKS YOU UP IN HERE HUH!

Koops: Guys! I'm not totally 100% sure just yet, but I think these people suck!

Mario: Well, at least now, we don't have to worry about having some dumb locker mates that can't mind their own business. Now we can get shit done quicker. Like kicking these Koopa dipshits asses.

Koops: That's another thing too, how come these guys are all Koopas, yet no 1 gets along with each other?

Goombella: I don't think any Koopas got along with you in your village either.

Koops: Oh yeah. I try to forget about living there.

Mario began reserving his 1st official Major League match as if that status makes a fucking difference.

Grubba: Well howdy Gonzales!? It's been awhile hasn't it!? Hyuk hyuk... Just kidding. Welp, lets see the rankings here... Ah! Looks like you're up against your 1st single digiter! De Små Pigger. I have no idea what that means in their language, but the leader is in your locker room! The 1s with the red shells with the spikes on top. Now listen and listen good. For you 1st match as a major leaguer, I want you to win without losing any HP. I expect you to look like a fucking star! NOW GO OUT THERE AND SHINE GONZALES! SHINE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Grubba signed out like a coke addict.

Goombella: every time we talk to him, he seems to be more and more addicted to cocaine!

Koops: Heh. You guys notice that they never registered Yoshi as a fighter? Like, technically, he never signed the contract

Mario: I don't think he cares. Not with that much cocaine in his system he doesn't. You guys wanna raid his office of all his drugs 1ce we get the star for good?

Flurrie: Lets snatch all of it! I'll be the briefcase too.

Spisse: Jeg er fra landet i Oslo. Du har ingen sjanse til å overleve min onde vrede. Mitt lag er dødelig, og vil brenne deg med ingen forhold for dine patetiske liv.

Mario: You seem to be taking this way too seriously.

Goombella: How do you even know what he's saying?

Mario: Just listen to how serious this assclown sounds. Besides, why should we care. This opponent is just the next passing flame to our ass whooping schedule.

Yoshi: Ass whoppin schedual is right Great G!

Spisse: Din en feit beruset ugyldig.

Securitims: Gonzales, Spisse, Your match is ready! Din kamp er klar!

Mario: What the hell? You things know Norwhatchucallit too?! Oh well. Goombella, Yoshi, come with me. The rest of you, ... I don't know. Find something to do.

Black to some old fashion Glory Hole Galores,

Grubba: GUYS AND GALS! MEN AND MAIDENS! IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER BATTLE OF THE CENTURIES!

Audience: YIKKI KA YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

The audience started performing artistically structured naked human pyramids in excitement for the upcoming match.

Grubba: FER OUR NEXT BOMBASTIC BATTLE, WE HAVE THE DEMONS FROM THE NORTH, THE UNHOLY KOOPAS FROM HELL! PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR, ... Hold on a second. I have to write their name down. Lemme just…. unfold this sheet of paper now... OH YEAH! De Små Pigger? YEAH! DE SMAAAAA PIGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

The Background music started blasting _Freezing Moon by Mayhem_ as 2 Red Spike Top Brothers from Oslo Norway entered the stage with flames in the background rising from the floor. 1 of the audience members was drunk enough to think he can eat fire after watching the anime Fairy Tail. So his face got burned and it will soon be destined to appear on America's Funniest Home Videos. Yes. The 2 Black Metal influenced spike tops were indeed wearing generic corpse paint to embrace their inner demons cause its Black Metal.

Grubba: AND IN THE NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE ANOTHER TEAM OF DEMONS! DEMONS THAT LIKE TO RAPE, MURDER, MURDER-FUCK, AND WORST OF ALL, PLAY EPISODES OF LOONATICS UNLEASHED! YOU KNOW HIM BEST AS! THE GREEEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

The Background Music started blasting _FaceFisted by Dethklok_ as Mario and the half of his strange team entered the stage getting ready for another Brawl. Get it? Like that game that theoretically won't come out till 4 years from now?

Død Pigg (Age 42) : Hei se bror. En haug av ikke hedensk avskum. Hva sier du vi halshogge dem og stikke hodene på spyd for å feire dem falle.

Yoshi: Maaaaan, are they saying words I don't understand yet? Or is this some kind of gibberish shit!

Mario: DOES ANY1 KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THESE EURO TRASH TURTLES ARE TALKING ABOUT!? SO I THINK I'M GONNA STOMP ON THEIR FACES TILL THEY SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE!

Audience: YEAH! SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE!

Goombella: Good thing the liberal protesters are all ded...

Spisse: Vi skal drepe denne uvitende publikum og gjøre en hytte for oss ut av sine lemlestede kropper i Norge.

Mario: SHUT UP INCOHERENT DIP SHITS!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 40/63

Goombella: Power Level 50/50

Koops: AF[BM] (Away from [BATTLE MODE])

Flurrie: AF[BM]

Yoshi: 25/25

FP: 8/10

V.S.

Spisse: Power Level 38

Død Pigg: Power Level 38

Battle Music: _Dunkelheit by Burzum _

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle: These are Red Spike tops. Members of the Buzzy family. Hmm... It seems kind of random that they'd be from Norway, but I don't know. Who ever's idea it was to come up with the concept of that must have been on some bad drugs. But basically, these are the strongest minor enemies we've faced by far seeing as though they have a power level of 38 each. They seem to lack weaknesses since they have a defense of 4 so they're pretty tough. They have spikes on their shells to prove how scary they are I guess. And they're immune to fire and explosives. I guess that last part's not important.

Yoshi: Yei yei... Whatevs biatch. Watch as I swallow this fuckin bitch ass!

Yoshi uses Gulp for the 1st time let alone any attack for that matter on Spisse as he used the traditional grab move that Yoshi's use in Smash Bros. Yes. I have to point it out a 2nd time. Don't ask why it's spike didn't stab him through the cheek. It amazes me too!

Mario: DAMN! That niglet will eat almost anything!

Yoshi then finished this move, by spitting the Black Metal loving Buzzy to projectile him at Død Pigg cutting through dem Defenses by nearly shattering some shells of metal: [4 Damage All]

Yoshi: DAYAMN! THAT WAS BETTER THAN IF I WAS SUCKIN' MY MOM'S TITTIES!

Død Pigg: Hva er det som skjer? Jeg trodde vi var udødelige!

Spisse: Hvordan i helvete skal vi taper? Vi må ikke miste dette fettet pedofil mann!

Mario: Did you just call me a pedophile man!?

Goombella: I think he did.

Mario: ALRIGHT! IVE HEARD ENOUGH ABSURD GIBBREISH!

Mario used Quake Hammer unleashing a finishing blow causing the Spike Tops to go flying in the air only to land on each other's backs. Død Pigg got stabbed to deth by the fierce spike of Spisse: [2 Damage ALL]

Mario: HA! ALL IN 1 TURN!

For those of you that really give a shit, in Norway, Spisse means "Pointy", and Død Pigg means "Ded Spike". Ded Spike in this language actually spells the word "ded" correctly by the way.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND WE HAVE A WINNER FOLKS! THE GREAT GONZALES!1

Yoshi: Man, that's how you open up a can of dat whoop ass huh G?

Mario: Do you people still say that?

Yoshi: The fuck should I know! I was born almost an hour ago!

Back to dat locker room.

Jolene: prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 9.

Jolene handed Mario 11 coins.

Goombella: Soo... you're not going to harp on us about being too violent?

Mario: Yeah! We killed the fuck out of 1 of those beetle turtle fucks!

Jolene: Well... it turns out that you and your team are highly necessary to our system. After all, there's no other fighter or team of fighters that have a perfect winning record such as yourselves. Not since... the original champion... Well... Anyway, none of that's important. Now if you excuse me, I must be going...

Jolene walked off casually to do some more boring intern work.

Koops: Guys! I'm back from picking my scabs again!

Goombella: Why do we always need to know this?

Koops: Well... I don't know. You never know I guess.

Goombella: Is that why you've had a bandaid on your nose this whole time!? Sick!

Koops: Well yeah. Usually while we we're on the long warp pipe rides, that's when I'd get the time to not feel so self conscious about it.

Goombella: And walking about wearing a bandaid on your nose doesn't bother you either?

Koops: Is it really that noticeable?

Goombella: YES IT IS!

Flurrie: It's not so bad, sometimes when some of my sexyyyyy infections start to flair up, band aids can be the best medicine.

Goombella: Band Aids aren't medicine. They're used to keep open wounds clean.

Yoshi: They sure make dem cuts fuck the fuck off!

Goombella: But still. If any of you had cancer, you wouldn't expect a band aid to solve your problems, right?

Koops: Well... Actually,

Goombella: Okay stop! For the sake of my brain cells, DO NOT ANSWER THAT!

Flurrie: Maybe Koops' nose just needs a wittle kiss. LEMME KISS IT! LEMME KISS IT!

Koops: NO! PLEASE! YOUR BREATH MAKES ME FEEL ILL!

Flurrie pushed Kops down, sat on top of him pinning him down about to kiss him! Despite Koops having a higher power level, he was not able to get her off of him.

Koops: GET OFF ME! PLEASE!

Goombella: WHAT ARE YOU DOING FLURRIE!?

Flurrie: I'm gonna make sweet sweet love all over his hot bod!

Yoshi: EWWWWW! That shits nasty! Got the fuck off of his ass!

Yoshi started kicking Flurries kidney area to save Koops.

Goombella: Yoshi! We have to stop her from compulsively raping Koops!

Yoshi and Goombella with all force tried to pull Flurrie off of Koops, sadly, she was too fat and couldn't be lifted.

Koops: Help! Please! Get her some graham crackers! They help reduce her hornyness!

Mario: GUYS!

All 4 of the partners suddenly stopped like a game of freeze tag.

Mario: Our match is registered.

Yoshi: Damn! You fast with that shit!

Goombella: Wait, while we were all talking just now?

Mario: Yeah. Were up against rank 8. The Poker Faced Deth Machines.

Koops: Uhh... Does Grubba say what we need to do in the match?

Mario: I don't remember. Something about doing another 1 hit KO or some shit.

Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Its time to enter the ring.

Koops: Wait! Mario! Can I come with you this match!? Flurrie's on this rape kick towards me and I'm scared that shes gonna molest me or something.

Mario: You pussy. Alright, just you and me then.

Goombella: Wait, do we have whatever those creatures we're facing tattled?

Mario: The creatures name was like, Bristle or something. Is that in your tattle log?

Goombella: Lemme check.

Goombella checked her tattle log as if emphasis on this is even that necessary.

Goombella: ... There it is. We got this 1 analysed all the way back in 2 - 3.

Mario: Yeah we did! Alright! The rest of you, smell mah ass! I'm off!

And into another Glory Hole Galore we Go!

Grubba: LADIES AND OUCH! FFF…. I just felt a sharp pain go through my heart! Uggg….. Oh well... Probably nothing... NOW! WE HAVE A MATCH, A SPLENDIFEROUS MATCH FOR ALL YOU PEEPS TONIGHT! FOR STARTERS, WE HAVE THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! READY TO WRECK JUST ABOUT ANYTHING IN SIGHT! WE HAVE,,, THE POKER FACED DETH MACHINES!

The underground pop song that no 1's really heard of before known as _Poker Face by Lady Gaga_ started blasting as 2 Bristols rolled like hey stacks of spikes onto stage.

Bristle 1 (Age 30): HEY LOOK AT US EVERY1! WERE 2 BALLS! 2 SPIKY BALLSSSS!

Audiance: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Bristle 2 (Age 34): CORRECTION, WERE 2 SPIKEY BALLS OF... ASS DESTRUCTION!

Audiance: LLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOOLLOLOOLLLO!11

Every1 in the audience started spewing snot, piss, tears, and diarrhea splatter like that scene from 8 Crazy Nights. Some people started laughing so hard, that they started stabbing themselves to relieve them from the pain of loling too hard.

Grubba: TO THE NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE THE MASTERS OF THE HOLOCAUST, THE SUICIDES OF THE SILENCE! PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! *panting* The GREAT! GONZALES!

The audience roared as _Face Fisted by Dethklok _started blasting loudly pumping the audience up EVEN FURTHER! They started doing some excited happy dances while Mario and Koops walked up on stage.

Koops: Wowwy! I think this crowd loves us!

Mario: Incase you haven't noticed from the several battles already, this dumbass crowd will cheer for just about anything. ANY, THING.

Koops: Oh... Oh yeah.

Bristle 1: LOOK AT THESE BOZO ! I BET THEY'RE SO STUPID, THEY CAN'T TIE THEIR OWN SHOELACES NOR CAN THEY PAY THEIR MORTGAGE HYUK HYUK!

Koops: Holy crud! How did he figure out all those things about us!?

Mario: *Sigh* He's just saying random shit that wrestlers say when they want to stir up the audience for attention.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 40/63

Goombella: Hopefully not getting raped.

Koops: Power Level 34/56

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping.

Yoshi: Hopefully not getting raped.

FP: 1/10

V.S.

Bristle 1: Power Level 9

Bristle 2: Power Level 9

Battle Music: _Get to the Choppa by Austrian Death Machine_

Bristle 2: YOU KNOW WHAT!? HEY EVERYBODY, I JUST CAME BACK FROM FUCKING GONZALES' WIFE! IT WAS FUNNY!

Mario: HA! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A WIFE YOU ASS GARGLERS!

Koops: YEAH! WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH THEM, WERE GOING TO HAVE TO RENAME THEM TO THE FUCKER FACED DUMB MACHINES!

Mario: Don't encourage them either.

Koops uses shell slam. Unfortunately for him. The 1st Bristle mildly stabbed the shit out of him: [-1 Damage]

Koops: Owwy!

Mario: Ha! I made that mistake 1ce.

Mario unwraps 1 of his doses of Earth LSD to do an item move.

Koops: Wasn't it called Earth Acid earlier?

Mario: They're the same thing stupid.

Koops: Oh really? ... Cool.

Mario dropped some Earth LSD on stage like a raver about to have a good experience. Not only does this majical drug deal [5 Damage], but since Bristles are shell typed enemies, they flipped over on their back piercing through their defense. Since this is Thousand Year Drama and not Thousand Year Door, 1 Bristle was sent flying towards the wall while the other hit Kenny (Age 9) from South Park in the face killing him only to respawn next chapture if I even decide to have a scene with him again.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: WITH ANOTHER 1 HIT KO, WE HAVE A WINNER, GREAT GONZALES EVERY1!

Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO! G.O.N.Z.! A.L.E.S! GON-ZAL-ES! LETS GO!

Mario: Koops. Those guys are what I'd call, Balls to the wall full-on retards!

Koops: Oh I get it! Cause they literally hit the wall.

Mario: ... Shut up Koops…

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

Hungry? Well come on down to Antarctic's Seal House for some freshly clubbed baby seals! It's a fun place for the family! Pick out your own seals in front of you by the glass cage next to your table! Pick them out, with an ice pick! Through the eye! We'll even cook them pups right in front of you! We have all kinds of seals including the kinds that look just like your dog! So come on down to Antarctic's Seal House and try our Seal tacos, Seal Steak, Seal Salad, Seal Sushi, Baby Seals for the kids! And even try our challenge of eating our rare cooked seal with no beheading whatsoever. Join the Club… I mean clubbing!

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

**Chapture 4 - 15: The Room**

Jolene: Here is your Prize Money Mr. Gonzales

Jolene handed Mario 12 coins.

Koops: Say, you don't mind that a child got killed in the crossfire this match right?

Jolene: Well... I should tell you. Ever since our Jeffrey Dahmer situation, we have paying audience members signing their lives away in a contract within their purchases. No 1 reads and complains. Therefore, we are no longer liable for any fatalities during battles.

Koops: That's...uhhh...

Mario: THATS AWESOME!

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going.

Jolene left to partake in more busy intern low income salary work.

Koops: Is Jolene acting a bit weird to you guys?

Yoshi: Yo Gonzales mah G! Baddest motha fucka I know! So, how dat match go?

Mario: Good.

Yoshi: Really? Liek, real good?

Mario: Yeah. Real good.

Yoshi: Hehe! Well alright then!

Yoshi pounded fists with Mario despite this being a bit out of Mario's comfort zone.

Mario: So whats been going on here since we've been gone? Did you guys get raped by Flurrie or something?

Flurrie: I wish...

Goombella: Welp, you remember the 1st match you had against Robotnik back in Ghettoport?

Mario: Well yeah. I fisted his ass.

Goombella: Dude, like, rhetorical question! So basically, I uploaded that fight on YouTube. It's getting alot of views so far! I only JUST uploaded it while you were gone.

**[YOUTUBE MODE]**

Robotnik: THAT'S IT! WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU, IM GONNA ASS FUCK YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR ASS BLEEDS AND WE BOTH GET AIDS! THEN IM GOING TO GO BACK TO YOUR HOMETOWN AND GIVE IT TO EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER CARED FOR!

Mario: GO AHEAD AND WASTE YOUR TIME! THERE IS NOBODY I FUCKING CARE FOR!

Robotnik charges with an ultimate ass blast attack worth 500 damage (strongest move in the game)

Mario deflects it by shoving his fist up Robotnik's asshole: [1 damage]

Robotnik rolled on his back and inexplicitly soiled himself from the harsh anal tension from Mario's fist thus embarrassing him.

Mario shakes all of the blood off of his hand and some gets on Goombella

**[END OF YOUTUBE MODE]**

Yoshi: DAYAMN! That shit be everywhere nigga!

Koops: Gee whiz! That was cool!

Flurrie: You look sexy as always sweety. I can almost smell your brother's puke on you in the video...

Mario: How the fuck do you know that? ... Ah screw it. Your a confusing character that should have been banished after the Beta version.

Mario received another text message.

Mario: How much you wanna bet thats aNoNyMoUs again?

Koops: 5 Coins!

Goombella: Please don't make that bet.

Goombella looked over at Mario's phone and read the aNoNyMoUs letter.

Goombella: Looks like it is an aNoNyMoUs letter after all.

Mario: HA! You're in my debt now Koops!

Koops: Aww mann... Let me just read the thing.

aNoNyMoUs: 60 81(| 70 _|4/\/\84 _||_|!(3.

Koops: Go back to Jamba juice!?

Goombella: Wait, how did this person know we went to Jamba Juice in the 1st place? Geez. I think we have a stalker in our hands...

Flurrie: Maybe it's just a frisky fan of ours. A frisky fan especially for me! Flurrie!

Koops: Maybe the fan wants to tie us up make us smell some chloroform, then break our knees, and conjoin our mouths to our anus holes!

Every1 else: ...

Goombella: What the hell are you talking about!?

Yoshi: Damn guys! Yall thinkin we should check this Jiving Juicy Jamba place out?

Goombella: I have no idea. Maybe it's a trap of something.

Mario: *Sigh* I guess I temporarily have to take back what I said about never going back to Jamba Juice... Fuck. Thinking about this really hurts the tip on my penis.

Koops: Why?

Mario: Cause its frustrating that's why! Now shut up before I have a homicidal aneurysm and kill all of you!

The 5 strange moronic characters entered back in the Jamba Juice to investigate all this mysterious hootenanny at work.

Mario: Oh my god! These fans everywhere wont stop fucking bugging me! This is why I stopped going to Comic Con.

Goombella: Then why did you even become a famous videogame icon in the 1st place?

Mario: I don't know. I was homeless for a few years back after I dropped out of highschool. Next thing I knew while I had a needle stuck in my heart, some Japanese people in business suits were looking for any stupid random video game icon they can find in the late 70s. That, or they said they were looking for some1 who looked like a young Saddam Hussein and figured that would be a good image for some reason. I just wanted to stop being fucking homeless already cause you know, it fucking sucks! So then in the early 80's, I become a stupid iconic character for autistic nose picking 9 year olds. But at least I wasn't fucking homeless anymore.

Yoshi: Dayamn! That shit be dope!

Koops: What about Luigi?

Mario: I don't fucking know. The guy just leeches off my success.

Goombella: So wait, you were 20 when Donkey Kong came out? It's odd cause you don't seem like you've aged much since then!

Mario: Its a mix of me being an early bloomer and just doing a shit ton of drugs. You can't really tell anyway cause these were 8 bit fucking pixels they were using back them. Thats why you can't see my facial details.

Team M walked up to the cashier awaiting for whatever the email be talking about.

Yeldop: Yah ha ha ha! What can I do for you fine gentlemen!?

Mario: Oh hey! It's you! I remember you from the 3 times I've been in your Pub making some kind of scene! What are you doing here?

Yeldop: You must be thinking of my brother! I am Podley's evil twin! Yeldop! He owns a crappy pub in the Ghetto where he receives a low income! I manage this here Jamba Juice where I feed a corporate chain in Glitzville and make much more money than him! Ah ha ha ha haaaaa!

Yoshi: Yei...

Mario: Nah. I get it. And I don't give a shit. So, by any chance, do you know what's up with this aNoNyMoUs shit?

Goombella: Yeah, this random stalker told us to go back here for some reason.

Yeldop: Hmmm... So you must be The Great Gonzales eh!? Oooo... I've been waiting for you!

Mario: Yeah? Wait, Are you that aNoNyMoUs guy? ARE YOU THE STALKER THAT'S ABOUT TO GET HIS FACE FLATTENED BY MY WOODEN-!?

Goombella: MARI- GONZALES! I thought we agreed not to strike 1st and ask questions later!?

Mario: We never DISCUSSED THAT!

Yeldop: WAIT WAIT! Let me explain? See, a package was left for you to this address. It has a letter attached to it saying "Look for a fat greasy Italian slob with bad hygiene named Gonzales. You know, the famous asshole who thinks he's god and pulls a shit ton of OP victories in gross ways?" Here's your package.

Mario dropped his pants as this act appears to be a casual taunt of his judging by the many scenarios already where he's done this. He also grabbed his balls emphasising his "package."

Mario: I got a package for you right here. It's called deez nuts bitch!

Yoshi: Ah hell yeah!

Yoshi pulled down his pants and gripped his nuts tauntingly as well.

Goombella: Would you both knock it off and open the fucking package already!?

Mario: Oh right... force of habit. It wasn't even a fucking chick this time...

Mario started to open the package.

Koops: Wait, how do you know it's not a bomb?

Mario: Stop being paranoid. If it was a bomb, they wouldn't send it to fucking Jamba Juice.

Goombella: Maybe they would though.

Mario: Then I'll kick it's ass!

Goombella: That's not how explosions work.

Mario: ... Shut up.

Mario opened the package and got sucked into the void like a vacuum. This only sucked Mario in for some reason. *Sigh* Is this fanfiction making any sense yet? Have you tried reading this on some kind of drug? You might like it better.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! Does shit like this happens every chapture?

Goombella: Yeah... It does actually. Shit.

Mario appeared in yet another dimension of nothing but white and small red polka dots. No floor. Nothing.

Toadette: Hiya!

Mario: What? You again!? I thought I fucking killed you!

Toadette: Teehee. No silly. Im immortal. Kill me all you want, but I'll always come back!

Mario: You're a what?

Toadette: So you're probably wondering why you're here? Welp. For starters, HERE! Heres a SUPER HAMMER! Congratulations!

Toadette held up a titanium hammer. Then somehow despite physics, allowed it to levitate for Mario's reach to grab.

Mario: You're giving me a fucking hammer this time?

Toadette: Of course of course! It's WAY more powerful than that old wooden 1 you've kept for 3 or 4 years. You can do new techniques with it, and get this! This is the best part! It increases your base attack level to 4! So that means your power level has been increased up to 75!

Mario: You better tell me how owning a better hammer increases my physical strength right now or you're gonna die again!

Toadette: Well come now. Wanna learn some cool moves with that new hammer of yours?

Mario: ...

Mario turned his head and looked at the 4th wall camera viewpoint. He gave a sarcastic look while nodding his head in an agreement towards you guys. Then he whacked Toadette's shit in the face decapitating her.

Mario: Finally. Now I can go back to my realm.

Mario got sucked out of that dimension and re-entered his own where he last left off.

Yoshi: Gonzales! You is back!

Mario: Why can't there just be a fucking hammer and not this dimensional bullcrap!

Goombella: So what happened this time? Was it another curse? Or was it some other shit?

Mario: ... Some other shit. I guess I got this new hammer that increases my power level I guess.

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense. Sure you gained a stronger weapon, but that doesn't mean your strength increased at all.

Mario: Try not to overthink this. Lets just be happy we got some decent results.

Flurrie: So what about that huge chunk of wood of yours? And I'm not talking about your penis for 1ce.

Mario: Fffffffffffffffffuck. I must have left it in the dimension... Damnit. I guess its fine since I got this new face smasher. Hopefully its not made in China, I have the worst luck with shit like that.

Koops: But you got it from another dimension!

Mario: Do not stifle my ideas Koops.

aNoNyMoUs attempted to reach the drunk hero yet again for a mysterious message that's secretly have been making Mario's phone run slower for some reason... .

Koops: Whoa! I wish Koopie Koo would message me back that quick!

aNoNyMoUs: 5/\/\45# 7#3 810(| !/\/ 7#3 70!1473 !/\/ 7#3 /\/\\!/\/0|? 1#46|_|3 10(|3|?00/\/\\. 7#3 |?3|) 0/\/3.

Koops: Smash the block in the toilet in the minor league locker room. The red 1.

Goombella: Are you sure? You need to teach me how to read in leet

Koops: It's pretty easy. All it is is typing words in other keyboard characters that aren't letters from the alphabet. Like, 0 is O, 1 is L or I. I think it's implied that ! is I. M is /\/\\. 4 is A although I think using is better. Or like how 7 is T even though + is better. I also think $ should be S instead of 5. The hardest 1 for me is |? being R. I'm so glad M and N have never been next to each other yet.

Goombella: So its like, regular english but visually twisted? Alright. I guess I have to use my imagination a little then.

Yeldop: Whah hah hah haaat? Don't I get a thank you!?

Mario: Thank this!

Mario took his hammer, and lethally murdered Podley's evil twin by pancaking his face making him the 1st victim of his new hammer. A random black metal kid snapchatted it for his new live album cover. The rest of the people in Jamba Juice cheered knowing Gonzales killed an evil twin.

Yoshi: So, we going back to dat dookie dank locker room?

Mario: I guess. It would be nice to see what the bathroom finally looks like behind that block.

Goombella: Ya. What if that's where the star is located.

Flurrie: My heart is racing embracing the smell.

As Flurrie's heart embraced the smell of the shitty bathroom. Mario and his strange friends encountered the securitim guarding the door.

Yoshi: So why are we followin dis anonymoses shit in the email? Sounds like a trap and shit.

Mario: Come on, It's not like anything is gonna happen to us. I mean, who the hell do you think I am?

Securitim: Hey! You're a Major Leaguer. You're not supposed to be entering the minor league locker room.

Mario: Oh yeah. Sorry. I left my phone in here.

Mario was casually playing with his phone while he said that.

Securitim: Oh! Alright. Take your time.

Alright. That was a quick scene. Now back into the minor league locker room.

Goombella: Holy shit. That actually worked.

Koops: What were you watching?

Mario: Porn.

Master Crash: OH HI! MARIO! REMEMBER ME!? IM MASTER BOMBING CRASH!

Cleftor: He remember's you just fine Master Cunt!

Master Crash: I'M GONNA SMOKE YOU LIKE A BOMBING CRACK ROCK!

Flurrie: AWww... What's with all this emotional drama?

Master Crash: YAA... SORRY. WERE JUST SICK OF EACHOTHER! IT SUCKS BEING THE ONLY 2 BOMBING PEOPLE WHO FIGHT IN THIS ROOM! WHATS UP WITH THAT!?

Cleftor: It would be easier if sometimes we had our own rooms where we can have our alone time from time to time.

Mario: Say no more! I'm gonna solve every1's problems by doing this!

Mario walked up to the big ass block blocking the bathroom smashing it in 100s of pieces. Guess what? Not only was the bathroom actually clean the entire time, but Jolene was seen having sex on the floor. WITH KOOPS' DAD! He was fucking her doggy style!

Mario got an immediate boner.

Mario: WHOA!

Goombella: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?

KOOPS: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Jolene: OH MY GOD!

Flurrie: WHY WASN'T I, FLURRIE INVITED!?

Kooply: Oh hey there sonny boy. Long time no see huh?

Koops: AWW! Come on DAAAD! Why do you have to embarrass me like this?

Yoshi: DATS YO DADDY!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAA!

Kooply: Oh pardon my manners Koops! I've just resuming my sex tour around the world.

Jolene: You shouldn't...err... You shouldn't be in here... How did you ffff... CAN YOU GET YOUR DICK OUT OF MY ASS ALREADY SO I CAN TALK NORMALLY!?

Master Crash: I WISH BANDY ANDY WAS BOMBING HERE TO SEE THIS!

Kooply: Yes. 1 moment.

Kooply not so gently pulled his manly Koopa Kock out of Jolene's butthole. Shame there was no lubricate involved.

Goombella: Wait? You guys were having anal sex? I thought you were a virgin or something.

Jolene: I am. I'm abstinent.

Jolene put her pants back on while Kooply was naked and doing that lame proud pose he always does in the game.

Goombella: That's not abstinence. You were just recieving butt sexxx a few seconds ago.

Jolene: That maybe true, but I also don't want to resort to having any unwanted pregnancy. So doing anal to prevent that is the next best thing.

Goombella: That's a load of horse shit.

Flurrie: Your dick smells nice Koops' dad.

Kooply: Thanks!

Koops: Grrrr...

Jolene: Can you stop smelling my ass on his dick!? I'm embarrassed enough already...

Cleftor: Hold on, you know you can still get pregnant from anal right?

Flurrie: Yeah. Cause with the wonders of gravity and splattery goodness, the man cream will spill out of the hole of anal, and will pour down the small taint that females such as myself have and soon reach the pusswah. I'm an expert hunny. I know this.

Jolene: ...

Goombella: So wait, you had that whole bathroom blockaded just so you can have sex with people!? Fucking whore...

Master Crash: WELL PERSONALLY, I'M JUST HAPPY WE HAVE 2 ROOMS NOW!

Jolene: A better question I could ask is, how did you break the block? And what are you doing back in the minor leagues? Major Leaguers are only allowed in their designated locker rooms!

Yoshi: We got an email tellin-

Mario: What Yoshi is trying to say, is "Eat a dick bitch!"

Yoshi: Oh yeah.

Kooply: Well... That kind of already happened.. hehe.

Koops: Reerrrr... Daaaad...

Jolene: Just... Get the hell out of here before I have you 5 penalized. In the meantime, I have to get some gaws for my…. yeah.

Kooply: Does this mean we're not finishing our sexin?

Jolene: No. This ruined the moment.

Kooply: Aww man. Oh well. I guess I'll be going now.

Koops: Wait dad! Your not gonna stay here and watch us fight? We're big super stars now!

Kooply: Ehh... No thanks. Instead, let me give you a little advice. *sigh* It's great to chase some tail. As a matter of fact, its the greatest thing in the universe. But you see, sometimes you just got to get the job done quick incase something suddenly comes up. Always be on your guard son, cause if your not, the bitch aint gonna be pleased. So save the long moments for the night so that way, things are less likely to come up and ruin the fun. And that is why day time sex can always be risky.

Yoshi: Amen to that brotha!

Koops: Aww jee wizz daaaddd... Your advice sure gives me the jib jabs...

Jolene: CAN YOU PLEASE FUCKING LEAVE!? All of you!

Jolene slammed the door on the Team M members. From that Point on, Kooply was gone, so don't ask.

Yoshi: Yo Gonzales! Why you silencin' me?

Mario: Cause I don't trust these people. For all we know, Jolene, or Grubba, or even Rawk Hawk might be in on the emailing shit.

Goombella: I highly doubt Jolene has anything to do with it. I mean, we did walk in on her taking a DnA.

Mario: Hehe. I get it in both ways.

Koops: But wait, why would aNoNyMoUs have us go there? I don't get it.

Yoshi: I got it! Maybe they were tryin to test the hammer to see if it works.

Mario: Thats still retarded. I don't know. Lets just go back to our fucking Glory Hole Mission already.

Yoshi: Yei. Whatever...

Black to dat major ass locker room,

Mario began reserving his match in the name of getting closer to the dedly star.

Grubba: Howdy howdy howdy Gonzales!

Goombella: Everytime I hear "Howdy", I really wanna shoot some1.

Grubba: Say! I see your fixing for another ho down! Well let see, your gonna be facin' a few of your locker mates. This 1 looks interesting! You'll be up against rank 7. Los Escándalos De Concha! Its a fitting match I've been waiting to brew up faster than mah meth- I mean, NOTHING. Anyway, it's perfect. They're Mexican, the crowd out there thinks you're Mexican! It almost makes me wanna give yall some costumes and some masks!

Mario: Please don't. I will actually find an elaborate way to kill you if you do.

Grubba: Just kiddin' partner! Now, for this match, I wanna see you wrap that battle up in no more than 5 turns! I got a date with a young flower from Thailand and she ain't cheap I tell yuh what! Her mom is auctioning off her virginity and I gotta enjoy my money's worth! I'll get a Securitim right away!

Call End.

Koops: Say. Instead of battling all the time, how about we just wait and see where the emails lead us to!

Goombella: I think this person actually wants us to work our way up the ranks. Who knows. For all we know, it could be somewhere in the champion's room.

Mario: If so, can't we just kick some Securitim ass and show them what's up?

Goombella: God damnit. That can't be your answer to everything. Especially since we almost got arrested and sent into a terrorist island. Beating people can't solve all your problems.

Mario: BUT IT CAN THOUGH! SERIOUSLY!

Securitim: What were you saying?

Mario: NOTHING! Let's get another fight started! Yoshi, and Goombella. You're coming with me.

Koops: Ahh man. Welp. I better hide in the bathroom so Flurrie doesn't rape me.

Shell Shocker: HOLD UP! I'm coming too, gringos!

Another Glory Hole Glitzkreig begins as fans were literally as wild as ever. Which sais alot. I mean, most of them didn't even have fucking clothes on. Have you ever been to an EDM show before? It's like some of that. They were all fucked up on some kind of shady club drugs that should never have been made in the 1st place. Apparently, Grubba's drugs somehow got mixed with the pretzels during a big ass sale for them. So many people were touching and feeling eachother up. Even the Kids. Even the Securitims...

Grubba: DUDES AND DUDETTES! WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER GLORY HOLE GLITZKREIG! FOR THIS MATCH, WE HAVE THE SPIK- Shit. They don't like it when I call them that. WE HAVE THE SHELLS OF ASULE! THE HERMANOS FROM THE OTHER MADRES! PLEASE WELCOME, LOS ESCÁNDALOS DE CONCHA! I hope I pronounced that right.

The speakers started blasting _Oye Como Va by Carlos Santana_ as the gang of 2 greyish brownish skinned Koopas and 1 Paratroopa with the same kind of shades that every Koopa enemy seems to wear. I'll describe them how I always do; Gurren Lagann shades. They walked on stage while the Mexican demographic started shouting stereotypical mexican things louder than ever while swinging their shirts around.

Grubba: AND IN THE NEXT CORNER, WE HAVE ANOTHER TEAM OF MEXICANS HEADING TO THE RING! PLEASE WELCOME THE ORPHAN CRIPPLER HIMSELF ALONG WITH HIS CREW! THE GREAT GONZALESES!

The speakers then blasted _Face Fisted by Dethklok_ since it is their theme as fighters after all. They walked on stage as even more Mexicans started screaming at the top of their lungs. Couples threw their babies straight out of their wombs as usual. They splattered like yesterday's lunch.

Mario: HA! Look at all those babies splatter!

Shell Shocker: Hola Senior Gonzales! Tell me? What kind of coin store did you pick out your get up homes? (A coin store is like a dollar store incase you don't get it)

Mario: Are you talking about the same Dollar Store you were born and put up for adoption in!?

Shady Koopa (Age 29): You are Estúpido! WE STAND FOR ALL THAT IS KICKING YOU IN EL POLLA!

Mario: OH YEAH? WELL, WE STAND FOR ALL THAT IS DRINKING, FIGHTING, AND FORNICATING! WE'LL SMOKE YOUR WEED AND RAPE YOUR WOMEN!

Yoshi: NICE 1!

Goombella: ...Did you really have to include that last part? With the rape? It was kind of messed up.

Mario: Yeah! It was funny. Why? Don't you get it?

Goombella: *sigh* Dumbass...

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 48/75

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Doing stuff

Flurrie: Hopefully not raping

Yoshi: Power Level 25

FP: 1/10

V.S.

Shady Koopa: Power Level 30

Shady Paratoopa (Age 33): Power Level 30

Shell Shocker: Power Level 30

Battle Music: _Seek and Destroy by Metallica_

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle: These are Shady Koopas. I don't know why they're referred to as that. Hopefully it's not because they're Mexican. If so, i'm throwing out this book immediately! Don't underestimate them though. Even on their shells, they can still find a way to spin dash. I mean like, with their mexican break dancing powers, they can still powershell their way through all of us. So be on you guard at ALL times!

Mario: Jeez Goombella: A little paranoid much?

Goombella: Bite me ass!

Yoshi: Okay!

Goombella: Not you! Shut up!

Yoshi uses 4 fold ground pounds on Shady Koopa pinning him on his back knocking him on his shell: [3 Damage]

Mario uses-

Mario: Wait hold on. I think a kid is about to throw a rock at me. 1 sec.

Mario made his way to the audience where the kid was sitting and he smashed the kid's face putting him in the hospital. That'll show him for throwing things at the performers.

Mario: Anyhow!

Mario smoked a lightning blotto from the bong it comes with on Shady Koopa 1 zapping him to the extreme: [5 Damage]

Mario: Holy fuck that got me high!

Shady Paratroopa: Shit! That really blasted his coola.

Shell Shocker: I say we blast all these gringos right here.

Yoshi: BITCH! Who you callin Gringo!? Do I look like a fucking Gringo nigga!?

Paratroopa uses shell strike at Mario... but he countered it by uppercutting him Smash bros style: [ -1 Damage]

Shell Shocker uses shell slamming slam down on Yoshi making him feel like he just got punched in the face: [3 Damage]

Yoshi: You just hit a kid bitch!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses tattle on Shady Paratroopa : This is a Shady Paratroopa. Same thing but with wings.

Mario: Is that tattle even necessary?

Goombella: Yep! Now stop your complaining!

Yoshi uses ground pound times 4 move on Shady Paratroopa demoting him to a regular Shady Koopa: [2 Damage]

Mario uses charge boosting his power level to 64/100

Shady Paratroopa uses super ultra overpowered shall tornado power shell on Mario and Yoshi: [6 Fucking Damage]

Mario: OW! FUCK!

Goombella: WHAT HAPPENED TO STAYING ON YOUR GUARD MARIO!?

Yoshi reached the pearl status of only having 1 HP.

Shell Shocker: I'll finish this uno off.

Shell Shocker used shell slam on Yoshi. Luckily in the heid on the moment, Yoshi countered it by kicking him through the shell hole and into his face: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Mario uses his powered up hammer smash on the Shady Koopa on his back putting him in so much pain from the impact, that it left him unconscious: [6 Damage]

Yoshi uses-

Yoshi: FUCK THIS SHIT! Goombella! We switchin!

Yoshi switches with Goombella.

Shell Shocker uses another unsuccessful shell slam on Mario that ultimately got countered with his foot: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 4]

Goombella uses regular double goomba bounce jump attack on Shell Shocker: [3 Damage]

Goombella: FINISH HIM OFF MARIO!

Mario: K!

Mario hammer smashed Shell Shocker right threw the shell getting all the sharp pieces of shell stuck in his body giving him the funniest kind of internal bleeding. Funnier than King K's: [4 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: THE GREAT GONZALES WINS AGAIN!1

Yoshi: YEI! *Coughs of Blood* We won!

Goombella: Are you gonna be alright.

Yoshi: Yei... Im good.

Yoshi passed out on the floor fainted.

Mario: Well... that was fun.

The door suddenly opened with the Armored Saint's making another appearance.

Armored Dickinson: NOT SO FUCKING FAST!

Grubba: HEY YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BANNED!

Grubba grabbed his walkie talkie.

Grubba: SECURITIMS!

100 Frikkin Securitims tackled the Armored Saints thinking that would escort them the fuck out of there. Instead, they just blasted all of them into different corners of the Glory Hole.

Armored Beloff: NICE TRY! THAT ONLY TURNED US ON!

The Armored Saints hopped on stage.

Grubba: SO WHAT ARE YOU 2 SLIMY BROTHER FUCKERS DOING HERE!?

Armored Beloff: WE WANT A REMATCH AGAINST THE GREAT GONZALES!

Grubba: NO WAY! YOU GAY WADS ARE BANNED FROM GLITZVILLE! YOU SHOULD ALL BE ARRESTED!

Armored Dickinson: NICE TRY! WE'LL ONLY BREAK OUT!

Armored Beloff: YEAH! NO PRISON CELL CAN HOLD US! HEHE OUR BODIES ARE WAY TOO STRONG FOR PRISON BARS TO CONTAIN US! HRR HRR HRR HRRRRRR!

Grubba: Hmm... FINE! YOU KNOW, IN THAT CASE, GONZALES! DO WHAT YOU DO BEST AND KICK THEIR GAY IRON ASSES!

Mario: No problem! I got this!

Goombella: Uhh... Remember last time? we only won cause you got them banned from Glitzville for having twincest in the 1st place! If that isn't working again, then what now?

Mario: It's all good. We'll like, just use Yoshi's gulp...

Mario and Goombella looked at Yoshi passed out with his tongue sticking out and his hand down his pants.

Mario: ... Fucking shit.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 30/75

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Still not here.

Flurrie: Not here either.

Yoshi: 3/25

FP: OUT OF IT

V.S.

Armored Dickinson: Power Level Infinity

Armored Beloff: Power Level Infinity

Battle Music: _Rock and Roll All Nite_ _by Kiss_

Armored Dickinson: YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO NOW!?

Armored Beloff: WERE GONNA COMBINE!

Armored Dickinson: YEAH! INTO AN EVEN STRONGER HEAVIER FORM THAN EVER BEFORE!

Armored Dickinson and Beloff fused into a combined form of themselves that took the form of something like the Pokemon Golem. Here's a better description. Have any of you played Pokemon Fusion Generator before? It looked like Ivysaur fused with Golem. The version with Ivysaur's face on Golem's body. Yeah. Like that. But with the Armored Saints. As you can tell, this form is overpowered as all hell. I mean, this thing is stronger than infinity for fuck sakes. I don't think even Super Man can touch that shit.

Goombella: ... We're doomed.

Armored Belickinsoff: HAHAHA! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF US NOW BOOGER HEADS!?

The floor stage started to crack a little bit under the fused monster.

Armored Belickinsoff: Wha... what the?

Suddenly, the floor under the iron monster collapsed and the OP bastard fell threw not only the floor, but Glitzville itself! Thats what they get for being so fucking heavy.

Armored Belickinsoff: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

... ... .. . . . . . . . . .

**[END OF BATTLE MODE] **

Grubba: ... WELP! THAT SOLVES THAT HOOTENANNY! GONZALES WINS AS ALWAYS!

Audience: LET'S GO GONZALES LETS GO *SLAP ASS* LETS GO GONZALES LETS GO *SLAP ASS* LETS GO GONZALES LETS GO *SLAP ASS*

Goombella: ... Okay then...

Mario: HA! AND THAT IS WHY IT IS NOT OKAY TO BE FAT!

**Chapture 4 - 16: MY ARCH-NEMESIS!**

Jolene: Here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 7.

Mario: How does your butt feel?

Jolene: ... I… Now if you excuse me, I must be going...

Jolene walked out the door and back doing who gives a flying fuck. She was still walking funny from the anal sex with Koops' dad. QUICK! STOP READING THIS AND 1 OF YOU DRAW THAT SEX SCENE SO I CAN FIND IT ON DEVIANTART AND LAUGH!

Mario: Did she…. forget to give me my money?

Flurrie: Hello my Glamorous Gonzales! Guess what Koops and I have been watching on his phone?

Mario: Let me guess, Simpsons hentai?

Koops: Not this time! You see, she was originally going to try and rape me, but then I started watching pregnant women farting porn instead!

Goombella: Oh come on! Give me a break! That's just sick...

Koops: Well, you know what's hot? When they like, fart, and it makes their boobs kind of jiggle a little. That kind of rhymes.

Mario: NO Koops! Do not start getting back into rap again!

Koops: Nah. Don't worry. I got it all out of my system. I'm into pregnant women farting now. It was actually an old fetish of mine I've forgotten about till just recently.

Flurrie: I love the 1 that was wearing the Hello Kitty Diaper. I concur that time towards the end when she farted loudly, she indeed sharted. I can smell what I hear.

Koops: What if she like, pooped out a diaper?

Flurrie: ...mmmm now that would make me most randy I do say. Now i'm considering getting pregnant for the sake of just porn.

Koops: What are you gonna do with the baby then?

Flurrie: Oh you know...

Koops: No I don't.

Mario: Can we stop talking about this shit!? Its turning me on too much to think clearly right now.

Yoshi: Yei man... I'm almost ded and shit...

Koops: Holly Comolli! What happened to Yoshi?

Mario: He almost got knocked the fuck out by the Spik Koopas we sent to the hospital!

Goombella: ...

Yoshi: Well... i'm going the fuck to sleep bitches. Call if yuh need mah ass niggas.

Yoshi fell on the floor lacking the strength to get back up.

Yoshi: A little help bitches?

Koops lifted Yoshi and rested him on the bed. He was soon about to pull down Yoshi's polka dot speedo thing.

Yoshi: The fuck you doing gay ass?

Koops: Oh sorry. I usually sleep naked so I was trying to be helpful.

Yoshi: Shut ... the fuck...

Yoshi passed out regaining his HP.

Mario: Well that was fun. I'm gonna reserve another match now.

Koops: WAIT!

Mario: What?

Koops: Nevermind. I forgot what I was gonna say. Whoopsies.

Mario began the match reserving process as always.

Grubba: HOWDY PARTNAH! You're probably wondering how my date with my under aged prostitute from Thailand went? Those Armored Sodomizers dug right into my time with appearin like that! So I had to beat her over the head with a metal pole givin her a big gaping hole in her head! It's okay! Cause now I have 4 holes to work with instead of 3! Hyuk hyuk hyuk! So it all worked out for the best I tell you what. So, about this here fight you seek eh? Alright lets see here. Looks like you're up against Rank 6! The Police! Originally, they were called "The Fuzz", but they felt it was too obvious since they're fuzzys and what not. So they decided to rip something else off instead. I don't get it either. So yeah, heres your challenge for this match! Bring only Flurrie with you. She seems familiar to me so Im just curious if shes some1 I've masterbated to or not. I NEED TO KNOW! Yuh know that feelin? Anyway, do what you do best and have at it! A securitim will get your keisters soon! YEI HA!

Call End.

Mario: Okay. So we're fighting Fuzzies this time. This will be weak as shit so don't brace yourselves.

Mario suddenly received another text from some1!

Mario: Come on! Not aNoNymOuS again! I got a match to fight!

Goombella took a closer look at the message.

Goombella: No wait! That's some1 else.

The front text reads: From Rawk Hawk.

Goombella: Holy shit! He can type!? Oh this has got to be good!

_*69 SUP BITCH. ITS STAR 69 HEAR! LISSIN! U R DED MEET BUHDY! U R DIED IF YOU TRY TO WORK YOUR WAY UP THE RAWKS! U R DED MEET BUDDY! UR GONNA GET RAWKE- I MEEN, PUNCHED HARHARHARHARH!1111_

_\- From: RAWK HAWK_

Goombella: Why did he type in star 69? Did he think that we wouldn't know it was him? Pffffffffft This guy has no idea how star 69 works! HAHAHHAHAHAAAA! Thats glorious.

Koops: He must have thought that texting was like calling when it comes to typing star 69 1st before the number.

Mario: Coming from me; a guy who can't read, thats pretty retarded.

Flurrie: Small brains are kind of a turn on of mine.

Goombella: What doesn't turn you on?

Flurrie: CONDOMS!

Securitim: Sir Gonzales. Your match awaits as always.

Meanwhile, in the Glory of Hole...

Grubba: FER OUR NEXT GLORIOUS MASSACRE, WE HAVE THE INFECTED MASTERS OF MOLD! THE DEITIES OF DEFORMITY! THEY MAY BE FUZZY, BUT THEY'RE ALSO WUZZY! PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR THE POLICE!

The speakers started blasting _Roxanne by the Police_ the audience got excited. They all started singing along to it as 3 fuzzies all of different colors started rolling around and bouncing on the stage platform. A female fan held out her arms as she wanted to kiss 1 of the fuzzies. The pink 1 did and drained her FP. This confirms that only humans can possess FP. Non humans can use FP but only when they are accompanied by humans.

Grubba: AND COMING UP AS THE 2ND PERSON I ANNOUNCE FOR ALMOST EVERY SINGLE MATCH I HAVE ANNOUNCED TODAY! HERE COMES THE ABORTIONATOR HIMSELF! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Mario and Flurrie walked and hovered onto the stage where Flurrie's horrid smell made a few people she passed by puke up a waterfall. A waterfall of puke...

Fuzzy (Age 911): KUHBLAAAAAAAAH! KUBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario: The fuck are you hairy retards saying!?

Green Fuzzy (Age 420): KUHBLAH BLIBBITY BLAAAAH!

Flurrie: I think from what I can make out from their luscious lip movements, they're only bragging about how fuzzy and wuzzy they are. I must say, I do indeed concur...

Mario: WUZZY!? THAT MAKES ME SO MAD! YOU GUYS THINK YOUR FUZZY AND FUCKING WUZZY!? I AM SO KICKING YOUR ASSES TO HIGH HEAVEN FOR THAT!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 30/75

Goombella: AF[BM]

Koops: AF[BM]

Flurrie: Power Level 30

Yoshi: AF[BM]

FP: NONE

V.S.

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Green Fuzzy: Power Level 13

Flower Fuzzy (Age 455) ← LEET JOKE!: Power Level 15

Battle Music: _Fuck Tha Police __by __N.W.A._

[TURN 1]

Flurrie: IMMA GONNA GIVE YOU A TASTE OF MY MCFLURRIE MILK SHAKE!

Flurrie uses mcflurry milkshake by fondling her gross saggy orangatang shaped titties to prep up for her boob slam which she did on Regular Fuzzy: [2 Damage]

Mario: Ha. Goombella is gonna be so pissed that she wasn't able to tattle these creatures.

Mario uses double jump jamberi on Green Fuzzy: [4 Damage]

Fuzzy uses weak enemy tackle on Flurrie. Flurrie countered by biting him so hard, that he died from raging internal bleeding! More so from getting bitten in half.: [-1 Damage]

Green Fuzzy uses bite lock on Flurrie draining a 5th of her HP: [3 Damage]

Flurrie: How exotic...

Flower Fuzzy tries doing the same but got countered: [-1 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Mario uses metal hammer smash on Green Fuzzy: [4 Damage]

Flurrie performs another boob blast in the air only at Flower Fuzzy: [2 Damage]

Green Fuzzy uses bite lock on Mario in which he stomped on the thing like a Mario enemy. Oh wait.:-1 Damage]

Flower Fuzzy: KUHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Flower Fuzzy uses FP drain on Mario: [3 Damage]

Mario: HA! JOKES ON YOU! I HAVE NO FP ASSHOLE!

[TURN 3]

Mario uses Link's aerial down A move in smash bros but with a hammer flattening the remaining Fuzzy ending the battle: [4 Damage]. Didn't King Dedede do that already?

Mario: I love how I don't need FP to do 4 damage no more.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: WE HAVE THE WINNERS! THE GREAT GONZALES! AND FLURRIE'S MOM!

Flurrie: He thinks im his... mom? Mmmm... Talk about a turn on...

Grubba: COMMERCIAL TIME!

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

The Great Gonzales is unknowingly sponsored by...

HEY! ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING TOO SMART? TIRED OF BEING BULLIED FOR BEING A NERD!? DON'T WANNA TAKE PLACEMENT TESTS THAT PUT YOU IN AN ABOVE AVERAGE CLASS THAT MAKE YOU DO TOO MUCH WORK!? WANNA SOLUTION!? INTRODUCING, ANTISEMITE HAMMERS! WITH THESE, YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF STUPID FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY DRRR! IT'S REAL EASY! JUST SIT BACK ON THE COUCH, PUT ON SOME SHARKNADO, GRAB SOME MAN COLA, AND WHACK YOURSELF ON THE HEAD WITH OUR ANTISEMITE HAMMERS! NOW YOU CAN DO THINGS LIKE GO TO PRISON, MASTERBATE IN PUBLIC PLACES WITHOUT FEELING SELFCONSIOUS! FORGET ABOUT YOUR PARENT'S DREAMS ABOUT YOU BECOMING A DOCTOR! YOU CAN EVEN SIT THROUGH ALL OF THE AMERICAN PIE MOVIES WITH YOUR COOL DUMB FRIENDS! YOU CAN STARE AT A WALL, USE YOUR HEAD AS A WRECKING BALL, PISS YOUR PANTS AT A WEDDING, RUN AROUND YELLING RACIAL SLURS NAKED IN ENGLEWOOD! ANTISEMITE HAMMERS GET THE JOB DONE! ANTISEMITE HAMMERS! ONLY 27 COINS! ORDER NOW!

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

Back to the locker room.

Jolene: Here's your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now at rank 6.

Jolene handed Mario 13 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I best be heading back to work. By the way, a fan left you a cake on the table as a gift. So... I guess just…. eat it. I don't know what you people do with cake these days.

Jolene left the room.

Koops: Oh golly! Cake!

Flurrie: I Flurrie, must partake in the art of sitting and farting on it. After all, cake farts are the new big thing of today's youth!

Flurrie was about to sit on the cake with her foul disgusting bum like region!

Mario: NO YOU DON'T BITCH!

Mario was about to charge and deck Flurrie in the face.

Mario: LET'S SEE YUH GRIP THOSE TEETH!

As Mario yelled out this line, he brutally punched Flurrie in the jaw pounding her on the wall.

Goombella: Was that necessary Mario?

Mario: YES IT WAS! *breathes heavily* I FUCKING LOVE CAKE!

Goombella: Jeez. Well. I say we should keep our guard up. There's a good chance that the cake might be poisoned. I say we shouldn't take our chances in case it's some kind of trap.

Mario: Yeah yeah. If there's anything I love in this world, it's sex, drugs, violence, and cake! So imma havin' at it!

Mario grabbed a handful of the cake and aggressively shoved the wad of cake in his mouth while chewing with his mouth opened like a gross 5 year old that never learned table manners.

Mario: MMMM... SO GOOD! OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE FUCKING CAKE!

Koops and Flurrie started gobbling down on the cake like mindless self centered retards as well as they too fucking love cake.

Koops: IT'S LIKE CRACK!

Flurrie: IT'S LIKE SEX MIXED WITH BLOODY DIARRHEA!

Koops: I'M HAVING A STOMACH GASM! LOOK AT ME EVERY1! IM STOMACHEGASMING! AAAAHHHH!

Koops in the heed of sugar induced hyperactivity, decided to rub his body on Mario for the sake of random XD.

Koops: MARIO! IM HAVING A STOMACHEGASM! HAHAHAHHAHAHA! LOOK AT ME! IM HAVING A STOMACHGASM!

Mario: GET OFF ME YOU FUCKING WEIRDO!

Mario elbowed Koops in the eye.

Goombella: You guys are fucking idiots.

Mario: Oh relax Goombella. Here. Have some.

Mario grabbed another handful trying to get Goombella to eat some GOD DAMN CAKE!

Goombella: I'm not having any.

Mario: Fine... KOOPS FLURRIE! TIE HER DOWN!

Goombella: WHAT? NO NOOOOOO! STOP IT!

Flurrie pinned down Goombella while Koops closed her nose area shut.

Goombella: I'M NOT EATING THE FUCKING CAKE!

Mario: YES YOU ARE BITCH!

Mario forcefully shoved the cake down Goombella's throat in the most violent way imaginable.

Goombella: Wait... mmmm... Not bad.

Mario: See... its not poison. As a matter of fact, it did the opposite effect in contrast to poison! Our fucking HP and my FP healed up!

Koops: Holy shit! I can totally like, feel it too man! What did they put in that cake, senzu beans!?

Flurrie: I say we should wake Yoshi up and have him try some too.

Koops: GOOD IDEAR!

Koops grabbed the last handful of cake and shook Yoshi up while he was asleep,

Koops: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!

Yoshi: The fuck you doin nigga!?

Koops: TRY SOME OF THIS CAKE! IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL REALLY REALLY GOOD!

Koops in the peak of his sugar rush shoved the cake down Yoshi's throat forcing him to eat that shit up!

Yoshi: DAYAMN NIGGA! The fuck's that shit called again?

Mario: It's called cake and it's fucking amazing!

Yoshi: Damn! It is amazing! Do they make chocolate versions of these?

Goombella: They do!

Yoshi: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit. Imma get me somadat!

Mario: Yeah that was amazing! Let's reserve another match already.

Mario reserved his match in the same boring ass way.

Grubba: Howdy Gonzales! Want another match as always do yuhz? Why of course you do. So lets see... Your next match looks like it will be up against rank 5! The Majickoopa Masterbaters! Yes. Believe it or not. They take a religious leveled pride into the fact that they masterbate like fucking crazy! Don't shake their hand or anything like that. Not only are their hands crusty with a shit ton of semen, but their palms are hairy too. And they're blind from all of them losses of zinc from their body you see. So they have to rely souly on Majic to see. Now then, for the challenge, I want you to not use any special moves. Even though that's never stopped you before! Don't ask of thy reason! In horny on coke! YEE HA!

Call End.

Koops: Hey, i've been thinking Mario. Shouldn't that Earth LSD have taken effect by now?

Mario: Normally yes, but since this is Earth LSD, it takes alot longer to actually kick in.

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense.

Mario: Well when the fuck has the science of this game made sense?

Securitim: Mr. Gonzales. Your chariot awaits!

Mario: What Chariot? You trying to rape me or something?

Securitim: Just come with me so you can fight some dorks.

Mario: Alright fine. Goombella and Koops. You're coming with.

Yoshi: Maaaan, why can't we all come with?

Mario: Because, I have a system! Now shut up, or i'm putting you up for adoption!

Yoshi: Asshole!

Back to the Glorious Holious for the I lost track of how many times so far. I'm too lazy to figure out the answer to that. If 1 of you can post in the reviews on how many scenes have been in here so far from the star of this entire chapture, that would be amazing! Not that I actually care, I just wanna see who would actually figure out how many there were and post it... 1st 1 who does, gets me to include any character they want. Even 1 you just pulled out of your fat ass.

Grubba: THOSE WITH XX AND YX CHROMOSOMES! WHOSE BLOOD THIRSTY FOR ANOTHER GLORIOUS GLORY HOLE MATCH!?

The Audience were throwing their clothes in excitement over how exciting the match is going to be!

Grubba: ALRIGHT! CALM DOWN EVERY1! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF OVER YOU FUCKS! SO ANYWAY! WE HAVE THE CHICKEN CHOKERS! THE BANISTERS OF THE TURKEY! THE WEASEL WACKERS! THOSE THAT RATTLE THE SNAKES! THE 1'S WHO WHACK THE GUINEA PIGS WITH A WOODEN BAT! PLEASE WELCOME, THE MAJIKOOPA MASTERBATERS!

A chirping noise occurred as every1 was waiting for the majikoopas, but they maybe running late cause they're too busy MASTERBATING to eachother.

Grubba: WELL... ALRIGHT! I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEM A LITTLE WHILE! IN THE MEAN TIME, PLEASE WELCOME, THE GREAT GONZALEEEES! AND HIS HENCHMEN!

The speakers basted _Facefisted by Dethklok_ opening up for Mario, Goombella, and Koops' entrance. The crowd kept throwing clothes at them. Koops tripped on a bra and landed on his nose!

Koops: Oowwwww... I hate bras!

Grubba: SO GONZALES! HOW ARE YOU FEELING TONIGHT!?

Mario: HORNY! HORNY FOR A FUCKING FIGHT!

Audience: HORNY FOR A FIGHT! HORNY FOR A FIGHT! HORNY FOR A FUCKING FIGHT! HORNY FOR A FIGHT!

Koops: Wowzers! This audience almost reminds me of a group or parretts am I right?

Goombella: ...

Koops: Get it! I said they remind me of-

Goombella: Yeah. I heard you the 1st time.

Koops: Okay. Jeezzluizzz...

Suddenly, the speakers started blasting _Viva La Vida by Coldplay_ (uh oh...) as The Majikoopa Masterbaters hovered over on brooms or even just by manually hovering over.

Mario: OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO! NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! YOU ARE NOT PLAYING FUCKING COLDPLAY AS YOUR OPENING FUCKING THEME!1

Red Majikoopa (Age 14): WE ARE THE MAJIKOOPA MASTERBATERS! FEAR US AS WE ARE SUPER DESENSITIZED BY JUST ABOUT EVERY DISTURBING THING WE HAVE MASTERBATED TO!

Mario: I DON'T CARE! COLDPLAY FUCKING SUCKS AND YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELVES FOR LIKING THEM! RIGHT KOOPS!?

Koops: yeah!

Mario: LOUDER!

Koops: YEAH!

Green Majikoopa (Age 16): WE LOVE MASTERBATING WHILE PLAYING COLDPLAY IN THE BACKGROUND!

Red Majikoopa: THATS RIGHT! IT'S THE BEST THING TO PLAY WHILE MASTERBATING! ESPECIALLY TO SPY CAM TOILET PORN OF CONSTRUCTION WORKERS SHITTING IN PORTA POTTIES!

White Majikoopa (Age 14): SOMETIMES WE GO AS FAR AS MASTERBATING TO COLDPLAY THEMSELVES!

Red Majikoopa: OOOOOOO! CHRIS MARTIN IS SOOO DREAMY!

Mario: I WILL KILL YOU ALL AND NO 1 WILL FEEL BAD!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 75

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Gross ass shit

Yoshi: Trolling the locker mates.

FP: 10

V.S.

Red Majikoopa: Power Level 21

White Majikoopa: Power Level 21

Green Majikoopa: Power Level 21

Battle Music: _A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay_

[TURN 1]

Mario: NO! NONONONONONONO! WERE NOT DOING ANOTHER COLDPLAY SONG! FUCK THAT SHIT! THEY ARE THE LEADING CAUSE OF EAR CANCER AND I WILL NOT TAKE IT!

Goombella: Jeez. I've never met any1 thats hates a band as much as you!

Mario: IT'S THE EPITOME OF ALL THAT IS GARBAGE! SOME1! SMASH THE SOUND SYSTEM OR THE FIGHTS OFF!

Red Majikoopa: Oh just deal with it! Who knows It might grow on you!

Mario: NO! I REFUSE TO FIGHT WHILE LISTENING TO COLDPLAY! I'VE SEEN HOLOCAUSTS MORE REDEEMING THAN THAT!

Green Majikoopa: HEY! We get a say in what music should be played too you know!

Mario: THATS IT! YOU LEAVE ME NOOOOOO CHOICE!

Mario began stomping his feet to repeat his annoying chant that influenced every1 to mindlessly hate Coldplay cause Mario does.

Mario: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Suddenly, the entire audience started joining in on Mario's immature chant.

Mario and the Audience: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

Grubba: ALRIGHT! FINE! NO MUSIC FOR THIS BATTLE!

Mario and the Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

White Majikoopa: Assholes.

Mario: Okay! Now we can fight.

Goombella uses tattle on Red Majikoopa: This is a red Majikoopa incase it's not already blatantly obvious already. Their special power seems to be increasing their power levels by increasing the attack and defense power of teammates along with themselves with dare I say; Majic.

Mario: Cool cool.

Mario uses powerbounce jumping on the Red Majikoopa excessively to the point to where he was passed out flat: [7 Damage]

Green Majikoopa: No! Red Majikoopa is down! He's semen on the floor at this point!

White Majikoopa: I'M GONNA PUNISH YOU HARDER THAN I DO MY OWN PENIS!

White Majikoopa uses triple polygon blast on Goombella with no effect whatsoever: [4 Damage]

Goombella suffered from a mild seizure. I guess there's that.

Mario: Goombella! Quit fooling around!

Green Majikoopa uses invisibility spell on White Majikoopa.

Green Majikoopa: THIS IS WHAT WE USE TO GET AWAY WITH MASTERBATING IN MOVIE THREATERS!

[TURN 2]

Goombella got out of the seizure zone and tattled the shit out of Green Majikoopa: This is a Green Majikoopa. From what you saw, you know he can turn people invisible. He can also grant himself an electrical aura where if you touch it, you will get electrocuted harder than sticking a fork in an electrical outlet.

Mario: Didn't you just have a majical seizure just now?

Goombella: I guess. I'm alright though.

Mario uses generic double jump on Green Majikoopa knocking him off his broomstick. Shit I forgot to mention he was on a broom: [4 Damage]

White Majikoopa uses healing spell on Green Majikoopa: [4 Health]

Mario: Healing spell!? What the fuck!

Green Majikoopa uses self electrifying spell.

Green Majikoopa: SOMETIMES, I USE THESE VIbRATIONS TO TICKLE MY PROSTATE BECAUSE IT'S A CLEVER WAY TO MASTERBATE!

[TURN 3]

Mario: I'm so glad the red 1 is down.

Goombella uses tattle on White Majikoopa: This is White Majikoopa. This 1 has the power to heal people at will. Talk about OP am I right?

Mario: OH I'll show them OP!

Mario uses charge boosting his power level up to 100!

Mario: I'm a fucking triple digit bitches!

White Majikoopa uses polygon projectile on Mario: [4 Damage]

Mario: Damnit! So long for that shining moment.

Green Majikoopa uses colorful shape smash on Mario: [4 Damage]

The invisibility spell on White Majikoopa wore off.

[TURN 4]

Goombella uses double headbonk on White Majikoopa: [4 Damage]

White Majikoopa: MY CLOAK IS AS WHITE AS MY SPERM!

Goombella: Uhh… Okay. That was kind of random.

Mario uses Quake Hammer on both Majikoopas knocking out the White 1: [4 Damage]

Green Majikoopa: ... You leave me NO choice!

Green Majikoopa uses invisibility spell on himself for 2 turns.

Mario: OH GOD DAMNIT! Now we have to wait 2 more turns to kick your ass!

Majikoopa: YEAH! Outsmarted you now, huh?

Mario: No you didn't dumbass. All your doing is slowing down the inevitable and wasting every1's time!

Green Majikoopa: Well now you have no choice but to dodge my polygon projectiles for the next 2 turns! Think you can do that?

Mario: Even if we didn't we'd still kick your ass retard!

2 Turns later of Mario and Goombella using appeal and countering Green Majikoopa's blasts, the invisibility spell finally wore off.

[TURN 7]

Mario: FINALLY!

Mario uses hammer smash splattering blood all over the chronic masterbating koopa's crusty cloak.

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: WE CLEARLY HAVE A WINNER! 1CE AGAIN, PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOR THE GREAT GONZALEEEEES!

Bowser: GRAH! NOT SO FUCKING FAST!

The audience suddenly gasped.

Mario: You gotta be fucking kidding me. Please nooo... Not this retard...

Koops: Is that... Bowser!?

Goombella: I guess so. Holy shit. That's the 3rd Mario character I've met this week!

Bowser walked up on stage all pissed off knocking down any audience members in his way cause he's a fucking dick.

Grubba: HEY! YOU'RE NOT A REGISTERED FIGHTER! GET OUT OF HERE!

Bowser: STAY OUT THIS LARD PUSS! THIS IS BETWEEN ME, AND MARIO!

Audience: THAT'S MARIO!?

Mario: NO! I'M GONZALES! THIS GUY'S JUST DRUNK!

Bowser: I MAYBE DRUNK, BUT I CAN STILL TELL YOUR FUCKING MARIO!

Mario: WHAT? SO ALL ITALIAN'S LOOK ALIKE TO YOU!?

Bowser: YOU EVEN SMELL LIKE MARIO!

Mario: NO! THATS JUST YOUR ASS!

The audience started projecting a sitcom like lol track.

Goombella: I can't tell if Mario insulted Bowser, or himself...

Bowser: OH YEAH? WELL, TAKE THIS!

Bowser whipped out his Bowser dick out and started pissing on Mario's face.

Mario: OH NUH UH! NO! I'LL SHOW YOU FOR PISSING ON MY FACE!

Mario pulled down his pants and started pissing on Bowser's face. At this point, it was a pissing show down between Mario and Bowser as they were walking around each other in circles pissing on each other's faces.

Mario: THATS RIGHT BITCH! YOU LIKE THAT HUH!? YOU LIKE BEING PEED ON!?

Bowser: YOU LIKE BEING PEED ON! AT LEAST I HAVE MORE STDS THAN YOU. YOU'RE DUMBER THAN ME FOR BEING PISSED ON!

Mario: YOUR PISS IS A JOKE! MINE STILL BURNS MORE COMING FROM MY FUCKING URETHRA THAN YOUR PISS EVER WILL!

Bowser: MY PISS IS NOT A JOKE!

Mario: YEAH IT IS! SEE? WATCH THIS!

Mario opened his Mario mouth and started gargling Bowser's piss! He tauntingly drank his piss to piss Bowser off.

Mario: IT TASTES LIKE AIR HEADS!

Bowser; YEAH, SO?

Mario:WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MAKE YOUR PISS TASTE LIKE AIR HEADS YOU SICK FUCK!?

Bowser: DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT AIR HEADS!

Mario: AIR HEADS FUCKING SUCK!

Bowser: OH YOU'RE SO FULL OF SHIT! NOBODY HATES AIRHEADS!

Mario: YOURE THE 1 WHO'S FULL OF SHIT ASS MASTER!

Goombella: CAN YOU GUYS STOP HAVING A PISSING CONTEST OVER HAVING A PISSING CONTEST AND JUST FIGHT OR SOMETHING!?

Mario and Bowser: Yeah fine...

**[BOWSER BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 51/75

Goombella: Power Level 40/50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Gross ass shit

Yoshi: Trolling the locker mates.

FP: 4/10

V.S.

Bowser: Power Level 113

Battle Music: _Dirty Rotten by GWAR_

[TURN 1]

Mario: BOWSER'S STRONGER THAN ME!? BULLSHIT!

Bowser: THIS WILL BE REVENGE FOR STEALING MY DREAM! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A FAMOUS WRESTLER AND YOU STOLE THAT AMBITION FROM ME! MY ARCH NEMESIS! OF ALL PEOPLE! THIS BEATING WILL SURELY BE PAYBACK!

Mario: YOU'RE TOO STUPID AND DRUNK TO BE A WRESTLER YOU STUPID TURTLE!

Bowser: YOU'RE A STUPID TURTLE!

Mario: YOU LOOK LIKE AN EDGY DEFORMED DIABETIC HANDICAPPED BARNEY CHARACTER THAT WAS REJECTED FROM NOT ONLY TOO MANY KIDS SHOWS, BUT BONDAGE BASEMENT PARTIES AS WELL! WHY DON'T YOU LEARN HOW TO CLOSE YOUR MOUTH ALL THE WAY SHUT FOR 1CE YOU FUCKING RETARD!

Bowser: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME BITCH!?

Mario: Whatever. Goombella! Do your tattle thing.

Goombella: Holy shit! I'm doing a tattle on Bowser! I never thought i'd see the day.

Goombella uses tattle on Bowser: This is- Wait. What am I saying? Do you really need me to tattle who BOWSER is of all things? Of all the fucking enemies of yours!? Like, BOWSER, OF ALL PEOPLE!?

Mario: You really think I don't know who the hell my arch nemesis of 19 fucking years is!? I thought you were mostly doing these tattles for yourself?

Goombella: MY SASSINESS IS PART OF IT! NOW SHUT UP!

Goombella: So yeah, basically, he has a defense of 1, and look out for his attacks. In Paper Mario games, he can somehow disable parts of your moveset by attacking you. I guess that's the only unique thing you really need to know for this battle.

Mario: Good enough for me!

Mario uses charge to boost his power level up to 68/100

Bowser: PREPARE TO GET MURDALIZED!

Mario: Stop making up words asshat!

Bowser: SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!

Bowser jumped on Goombella disabling her from activating her move set. Not only that, be she got caught inside Bowser's ass: [3 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Bowser: OOPS! I MEANT TO GO FOR MARIO! Hey! WHERE DID THAT PARTNER OF YOURS GO!?

Goombella: GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Bowser: AHHH! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT BEFORE EVERY1 THINKS I'M GAY!

Bowser started running around with Goombella unfortunately lodged up his rectom!

Goombella: HELP ME MARIO!

Mario: ...Fuck sakes. HANG ON!

Mario ran to Goombella who was inside Bowser's rectom.

Bowser: Aww… Sorry about this Mario. I kind of feel like a dick right now.

Mario: Yeah. You are a dick! Now shut up and bend over so I can pull Goombella out of your ass.

Bowser: Alright Mario. Lets do this!

Bowser turned around and bent over for Mario to operate on Bowser's anal region.

Bowser: Okay. So on a count of 3.

Mario: Got it!

Bowser: 1, 2, 3!

Bowser tried staying bent over perfectly still so Mario can pull Goombella out of his anal cavity. It was a struggle for a few minutes, but the operation was eventually successful. This success led to a hose of diarrhea being shot out of Bowser's anal region covering Goombella and Mario in Bowser's fecal shit. She shivered in fear and trauma due to this horrifying experience.

Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! I WAS IN BOWSER'S ASS! GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSS! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!11

Bowser: *panting* My ass... feels sooooooooooooooo much better now... Thanks Mario.

The chocolate frosted Goombella continued to complain.

Goombella: EWW! WHAT THE FUCK! NO! FUCK THIS! FUCK THIS! IM DONE! IM GOING BACK TO THE LOCKER ROOM! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Mario: Oh you are so full of shit! Literally!

Goombella: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Koops: Wowzers! Now that's a game of Bowser's Inside Story I would never wanna play!

Goombella: NOT! FUNN- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Goombella angrily walked back to her locker room forfeiting on her own end puking every couple seconds occasionally projectiling her vomit at the audience due to the emotional scarring of all 5 of her senses. When she stomped on the floor, you heard a wet squishy sound, from the shit.

Mario: God damnit Goombella. Koops! Your on!

Koops: Oh boy! I get to fight Bowser with you!?

Mario: Yeah yeah... Don't wear it out.

Bowser: SWEET! NOW IT'S MY TURN NOW!

Mario: That's bullshit! I never even got my turn.

Bowser: NO ITS NOT NO ITS NOT! YOU SPENT YOUR TURN PULLING THAT GOOMBA BITCH OUT OF MY ASSHOLE, AND SHE SWITCHED WITH YOUR PUSSY KOOPA FRIEND! SO NOW IT'S MY TURN! NANANANAAAANA!

Koops: Shucks.

Bowser used fire breathing action blast on Mario and Koops: [3 Damage ALL]

[TURN 3]

Mario: I got an idea! Koops! Give me some Power Hawaiian Punch!

Koops: But Gosh! Doesn't that junk have like, steroids in it!?

Mario: They don't know that! We bought it from the drug shop next to the fucking Dojo! So i'm pretty sure it's legal.

Koops: Well, alright!

Koops spent his turn feeding Mario some Power Hawaiian Punch boosting his power level to 70/125

Mario does the exact same on himself now boosting his power level to 84/150!

Koops: You're going down Bowser! Down liek a clown Charlie Brown! Hehe.

Bowser: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Bowser royally bitch smacked Koops in the face disabling his move set as well: [2 Damage]

Bowser: BOW TO ME KOOPA!

Koops: OH MY SHOOTING STARS THAT HURT!

[TURN 4]

With Mario's ridiculously charged up energy, he uses Power Bounce on Bowser doing by far, the most damage Mario's ever done to any1 in this story so far: [28 DAYAMNAGE!]

Bowser: OWW MY FUCKING HEAD!

I forget if in the game it hurts Mario to jump on Bowser or not with his horns at all. So, im just gonna say that Mario can dodge his horns and just hit his mohawk area CAUSE THAT MAKES MORE SENSE ANYWAY!

Mario: Yes! He almost done ded! Koops! Nows your chance to be the hero who beats Bowser!

Koops: I LOVE YOU MARIO!

Koops uses-

Koops: Wait... hold on.

Koops uses-

Koops: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE DISABLED ME! I WAS SOO CLOSE TO BEING A STAR!

Bowser: GWARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAAAAAAAAAAAR! WITNESS ANOTHER DOSAGE OF PURE FIRE!

As Bowser prepared to charge his ultra powerful fire blast, Mario and Koops had to think of a plan. And quick!

Koops: OH SHUCKS! What do we do now Mario!?

Mario: Hmmm... 1 sec!

Mario remembered he had the bottle of Bandy Andy's Wild Turkey he stole from his locker room some time ago.

Mario: EAT THIS!

As Bowser was about to blast the 2 heroes, Mario at just the right moment, chucked the bottle of Wild Turkey Whiskey in his mouth. Jokes on him. Cause whiskey is pretty damn flammable if you know how that shit works.

Bowser: ... WHAT THE?

So yeah. Bowser just kind of exploded due to his weakness of handling whiskey with his literally fiery stomach. 100 chunks of the exploded Bowser flew everywhere in the Glory Hole.

Mario Leveled up to Level 10 Boosting his BP up to 18!

**[END OF THE BOWSER BATTLE]**

Koops: YAY! WE KILLED BOWSER! TALK ABOUT A VICTORY HUH!?

Bowser: I'M NOT DED!

Bowser suddenly appeared out of no where despite being blown to bits.

Bowser: I'm a fucking immortal. I don't die.

Koops: Ah geez really?

Mario: He's right Koops. Do you know how many fucking times this asshole has drowned in lava, fallen to his deth, exploded, or even turn into a key or star that gives me hat wings?

Bowser: Yeah! Like every game I've been in! Welp... I guess I lost. Grrr... It means that you beat me fair and square. Say, do you know where Peach is?

Mario: I have no idea. I actually joined these leagues to find the dedly stars to find her cause I think they're both linked some how.

Bowser: No way! SAMEZEEZ! Any chance you have any room for a new partner to join your party? Since we both wanna rape Peach and all,

Mario: No thanks. I like my parties small. Besides. Fuck you.

Bowser: ALRIGHT FINE! FUCK YOU TOO! Next time we fight, I'M KICKING YOUR ASS AND I'M GONNA TAKE ALL OF YOUR STARS! I GOTTA RETURN TO MY SIDE STORY ANYWAY! TILL THEN, I'LL SEE YA LATER LOOOOOOOOOOOSERS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Bowser pulled out a random knife to slit his throat knowing he will respawn somewhere no1 gives a fuck about right now.

Grubba: Well then! GONZALES SURE KNOWS HOW TO AMBUSH THE AMBUSHERS AM I RIGHT!? SO YEAH! GONZALES WINS AGAIN!

Audience: GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES! GONZALESZALESZAAAALES!

Koops: Wow Mario. We sure was exciting huh? I can't believe I got smacked by the King of my own Species! Pretty cool huh?

Mario: Just shut up Koops. My commercial's starting!

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

HEY! WANNA GET LAID LIKE A GREASY ITALIAN BASTARD!? TRY HUSTLING DOWN TO DICKHEAD'S SPORTING GOODS AND BUY A CAN OF GREAT GONZALES BODY SPRAY! WITH THIS TIGHT TUBE, YOU CAN SMELL JUST LIKE THE GREAT GONZALES GETTING YOU 1000+ SLEAZY HOOKERS A MINUTE! CHICKS DIG IT WHEN YOU CAN SMELL LIKE SHIT WHILE YOU BEAT UP THOSE HOBOS ASKING YOU FOR A FUCKING BALLOON IN A GARBAGE ALLEY!

Mario: Hey retards. I'm The Great Gonzales. And if you wanna smell like a piece of shit like me, then try spraying some Gonzales body spray on your face. Spray it on your shitty body. Smell like depression and cat piss while you rob a bank or while you're fucking your autistic cousin on a family get together road trip. You can smell like you finger ded chickens in a pet semetary. …. Fuck. Why am I even doing this retarded commercial? It's making me wanna kill myself. Look, don't buy into this product shit. If you do, you might as well kill yourself too. I'm out. I'm gonna go get high. Peace.

A CAN OF GREAT GONZALES BODY SPRAY? MORE LIKE, A WHOLE NEW CAN OF MURDER-FUCK! GREAT GONZALES BODY SPRAY! BUY SOME NOW!

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

Mario: Damn! I look good don't I?

Koops: Uhh…. You look about the same I guess.

**Chapture 4 - 17: The Deeper Depths of the Glory Hole. **

Back to the locker room.

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 5.

Jolene handed Mario 13 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be getting back to work now.

Flurrie was seen licking the Bowser shit off of Goombella.

Goombella: I can't believe this is what I have to resort to to clean myself up...

Flurrie: You'll always be a dirty girl to me hunny.

Goombella: Just shut up and keep licking.

Koopinator: How dare you say I'm not swag you filthy Yoshi!

Yoshi: All im saying is that your ass looks way too shiny. Its makin' me feel all uncomfortable.

Koopinator: YOU RUDE FOUL MOUTHED TWERP! GIVE ME 1 REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW!?

Yoshi: Look, the truth is, is that your armor makes you look gay! Gay like a gay nigga!

Koopinator: It's not armor! Im a fucking robot!

Yoshi: You don't sound like a robot! You know what you sound like man?

Koopinator: WHat!? What do I sound like?

Yoshi: A bitch! A gay ass bitch nigga!

Koopinator: OH YEAH? WELL YOU'RE A GAY ASS BITCH NIGGA!

Yoshi: Yeah yeah... get away from me before you rape my ass you pedophile lookin motha fucka.

Yoshi: Ay Gonzales! How dat battle go?

Goombella: You guys didn't get shat on too right!?

Mario: Well yeah, but I just gave Bowser some whiskey and he exploded.

Goombella: Holy Shit! You killed Bowser!?

Mario: Well if you know anything from my Mario games, you'd know that Bowser regenerates. I know, it's dumb. But luckily he just kind of fucked off and that was the end of it. I did do him 28 damage in 1 move though. That was pretty cool.

Koops: Yeah! And then he leveled up his BP!

Mario: I know. I was there Koops.

Koops: Well im just telling these pals over here!

Goombella: Hmm... Say. You found a badge some time earlier today that can boost our attack/ power level. Why don't you put it on?

Mario: Nah. I have a rule of not letting partners have a bigger power level than mine.

Koops: Wasn't there a time where you and me had the same power level?

Mario: Thats different. I can handle partners matching power levels cause I know I can still win, but it's the principle. Im the fucking leader. Im fucking Mario. I can't have a 2nd place power level against any of you.

Yoshi: What about if we all ganged up on you? Could you still kick our asses.

Mario: Yes. I'm not worried about you 4 being over powered. Bowser had a bigger power level than me and I still individually kicked his ass just now. I just have an issue with seeing 1 of you guys with higher stats than me. After all, power levels are bullshit.

Goombella: But you just contradicted your entire arguement!

Mario: It's a status thing.

Flurrie: Well, you certainly don't need to compensate for having a small penis when it's clearly 7.85 inches. Perhaps is it your height that's holding you back.

Mario: Okay fine. I'll put it on! But on 1 condition.

Goombella: What's that?

Mario: Suck my dick.

Goombella: What!? No! Get Flurrie to do it!

Flurrie: I'll do it right now.

Mario: Do you have any idea where her mouth has been this scene? No way am I putting my dick in her mouth! You gotta do it or no power up badge!

Koops: I still kind of wonder how you putting a badge on yourself somehow powers us up.

Goombella: *Sigh* Okay fine. You win. Let's go to the bathroom and get this shit over with.

Yoshi: Damn Gonzales! You smooth!

Flurrie: Do you want a blow job Yoshi?

Yoshi: NOT FROM YOU BITCH!

Later after the innerspecies fillatio,

Goombella: Wow! That actually wasn't a bad experience!

Mario: Yeah! I always wanted head from a fucking Goomba! I guess that checks off part of my bucket list.

Goombella: Yeah! We'll have to do that again some time!

Koops: What about me?

Goombella: ... No thanks.

Koops: Ahh fiddlecakes. I'm just curious cause I've never gotten a blow job before in my life. Koopie Koo always said she has too bad of gagging reflexes. She didn't want to puke on me so she never sucked me off.

Flurrie: Oh Koops... She was lying to you hunny.

Koops: Yeah... I guess...

Goombella: So can you put that badge on already?

Mario: Sure thing.

Mario put the badge on creating a mini constellation of stars implying that the partners are powering up.

Koops: Yay! I feel stronger now.

Goombella: Yeah. I can't wait to see the stats in our next battle.

Mario: Speaking of our next battle. I say we should register for that shit now.

Yoshi: Yeeeeeiiiiiiiii boy!

Mario began reserving his next match.

Grubba: HOWDY PARTNAH! LOOKING TO CLIMB SOME MORE RANX I SEE EH? WELL LETS KEEP THAT TRAIN A COMIN! WOOO NANNAY! SO LETS JUST CUT TO THE CHASE NOW! YOU'RE UP AGAINST RANK 4! PAPA BATON NOIR! IT'S FRENCH! I KNOW! YUCK! HE'S FROM NEW ORLEANS SO IT'S COOL THOUGH SINCE HE'S AMERICAN! SO FOR THIS MATCH, DON'T USE NONE OF EM ITEMS! I WANNA SEE YOU BEAT THIS GUY DOWN WITH YOUR BARE FISTS! KILL HIM IF YOU WANT! BUT IF YOU DO, MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT! ANYHOW, SEEYA! I DO COCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!

Call End.

Mario: I still stand by statement that this guy gets more and more retarded every day.

Securitim: SURPRISE!

Yoshi: DAYAMN that be fast nigga!

Securitim: Just wanted to surprise you all. Alright, your match be ready!

Mario: Stop talking to us like were fucking friends cause were not! Alright. Whatever. All of you come with me.

Koops: Wait seriously!?

Mario: Yeah. We have at least 5 more of these matches so why the fuck not.

All the partners: YAY!

Securitim: Alright! Lets get-

Suddently, the Securitim's arm fell off.

Securitim: Hey...

Mario: HA! NOW THATS A REAL SURPRISE ALRIGHT!

Meanwhile, in the Legion of Gloryholes,

Grubba: BROS AND HOES! WHOSE EXTATIC FER ANOTHER GLORIOUS BLATTLE IN THE GLORY HOLE!?

Audiance: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Grubba: I'LL TAKE THAT AS "YES!" SO WE HAVE THE HALF DEMON HALF FISHERMAN, THE DARK TERROR FROM THE SOUTH, HERE SINGLE HANDEDLY IS! PAPA BATON NOIR!

The Speakers blasted _Bury me in Smoke by Down_ as the dark purple skinned black eyed Gus recolor named Papa Bâton Noir (Daddy Black Stick) walked up on stage looking all ominous and slow and shit. The audience all started to doing a synchronized dance known as The Shimmy. This is been a weird audience throughout this entire chapture huh?

Papa Bâton Noir (Age ?) (because he's apparently too badass for an age): Yeeeeeaaaaaa raimbak for anotha battle straight fum downtown Nnnnnnnnnahlinz! Raaaa aim bak to kill sum slahmay keisters in this here rancid blasted stage yaaah!

Grubba: I love it when he talks. AND IN THE NEXT CORNER! WE HAVE THE NEWCOMER THAT SIGNED UP TODAY AND IS SOMEHOW ALREADY HALF WAY DEEP IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES! PLEASE WELCOME THE FACE FISTER HIMSELF! THE GREEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEESSSS!

_Face Fisted by Dethklok_ started blasting as Mario and his croneys walked on stage ready to fuck some ass up. Can you dig it?

Papa Bâton Noir: I see you flippity flappity jiggloodannies thinking you can ooouuuut stand the likes of the papa baton noir!? Well see this here, you have anotha thang awaiting foryuh nyaah!

Mario: Please don't tell me this is that tollway's zombie. That fucking ni-

Goombella: NO wait! I think he's speaking in some kind of Southern accept mixed with a little french. What an odd combination.

Mario: Well it sounds challenged as fuck!

Goombella: Well, his name is definately french. It sounds like it could be some kind of cheesy porn name.

Papa Bâton Noir: Nah seee,,, the ruulle challenge hrr would be lifting your fat reeear end off stage nyaa?

Yoshi: Damn! What's this nigga tryin to say?

Mario: I'm not even listening to him honestly.

Koops: At least now we get to see our new power levels!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Papa Bâton Noir: Power Level 80

Battle Music: _New Orleans is a Dying Whore_

[TURN 1]

Goombella uses tattle: This is a species known as Dark Craw. So I guess that makes that Gus guy just a Craw or something. I know what your think Mario and don't. Unlike Gus, this guy has a power level of 80, so you know he's tough. On the other hand, like you said, that shit doesn't matter. He's basically just a recolor, thats all.

Mario: So by that logic, black people are recolors of white people?

Goombella: No. Technically, all humans were originally black before they migrated to the North. So by that logic, white people are the recolors!

Mario: Don't bullshit your way out of my point.

Mario uses regular hammer smash on Gus- I mean, Papa Bâton Noir: [4 Damage]

Koops uses Shell attack for the 1st time being worth: [4 Damage]

Papa Bâton Noir: You think them attackin yuhz doin are somethin? Waittill you see mah spears from the black lagoons of the underworld it'll spit your guts flahyin splatterin all over the place.

Papa Bâton Noir stabbed Mario through the stomach making him all bloody hurting like fuck: [6 Damage]

Mario: GAAAH! MY STOMACH!

Goombella Flurrie and Yoshi: MARIO!

Koops: Are you gonna be alright!?

Mario: *panting* Yeah! BLEEEERG! I'll be alright...

Goombella: But you just got stabbed through the stomach!

Mario: I'll be fine. Remember. This universe doesn't entirely make sense, so what might normally kill some1 in the reader's dimension doesn't always kill us. You know, like anime.

Koops: Oh yeah! Hehe.

[TURN 2]

Mario uses jump. Unfortunately, he got stabbed with the spear on his foot [-1 Damage]

Mario: FUCK THAT HURT!

Goombella: Didn't you learn anything from the last Craw thing?

Mario: Shut up whore!

Koops uses shell slam on the dark craw: [4 Damage]

Papa Bâton Noir: Maaaaaaan, I can do aww kahnds of hoobladannay wit mah daddy black stick! And I aint talkin bout just mah sprr but speaking but this hrr sprr, imma use dis dang to throw it at yuhz!

Mario: What?

Papa Bâton Noir uses spear chuck *snickers* at Koops stabbing him in the bandaid area: [5 Damage]

Koops: AAAAHHHH! OF ALL PLACES FOR THAT TO HIT! MY FUCKING NOSE!

[TURN 3]

Mario uses regular metal hammer blow on the fiendish looking creature: [4 Damage]

Koops finished Papa Bâton Noir off using another shell slammer but screws up the timing a little bit: [3 Damage]

Oh wait. Nevermind. They're still 1 more hit away from winning.

Papa Bâton Noir: Hehe yeeeeeei you thoughdat dance wou bee enouf to finish mah ass off and it turns out hrrr now that you got all dat wrong cause I ain't don here done yet!

Mario: The fuck's this guy gloating about?

Papa Boton Noir used spear charge in which Mario countered by grabbing the spear and turned the spear around and slashed through his eyes blinding the New Orleans Saint.: [-1 Damage]

Papa Bâton Noir: Yeeeeei looks like you made me all blind as a bat nah and nah I can't see a lickity split of a thang around deez parts!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: AND WINNER IS AS ALWAYS AT THIS POINT, THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

Yoshi: Dawyamn! His ass got blinded and shit!

Mario: TAKE THAT BITCH! NOW YOU HAVE TO RENT A SEEING EYE DOG FOR FIGHTS FROM NOW ON!

Flurrie: This is great, cause I have a blind people fetish as well. Something about not seeing makes me all quivery in my region.

Black to the locker room,

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 4.

Jolene handed Mario 14 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me. I must be going.

Jolene left the room in her same generic way she has been leaving as of late.

Yoshi: Is it me, or is that walk of hers getting more and more lame?

Goombella: She seems to have a really weird generic way of leaving the room. Kind of creepy if you ask me.

Mario: Who gives a shit. Lets just reserve another match already. The blood thirst doesn't hydrate itself!

Suddenly Mario's annoying message notification sound started blasting in the same irritating tone.

Koops: Ummm... Mario? Your pocket's talking! Mail Time!

Mario: ...

Mario: smacked Koops in the face.

Koops: Hey!

Mario: What did I tell you about not being annoying?

Koops: Don't... Be annoying?

Mario: Yes.

Mario smacked Koops again.

Koops: Oww! Dic-! ... Uhh... Nevermind...

Mario: Read!

Koops: Alright alright.

Goombella: ILL DO IT!

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 7313|2#0/\/3 8007# 0|_|7 0/\/ 7#3 |24\/!1!0/\/. 83 7#3|?3 4/\/|) 83 5(,)|_|4|?3

Goombella: Fuck. It's taking me too long to figure out. Koops!

Koops: Got it!

Koops: It sais to go to the telephone booth out on the pavilion. Be there and be square. I don't like what they did with the Q.

Mario: Alright! Then we'll just go to the phone booth already!

Just as they entered the door, Rawk Hawk was seen waiting out of the door so he can stalk him. Sadly, he was successful.

Rawk Hawk: WELL WELL WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE SO CALLED SUPER HETERO SEXUAL GREAT GONZALES!

Yoshi: Oh shit! Not this Cawk Hawk nigga.

Mario: Fuck off Conary. We got important shit to do.

Rawk Hawk: NOW NOW! YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ME OUT! GREAT GONZALES! MORE LIKE, GAY GONZALES! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR STEALING MY BODY SPRAY COMMERCIALS WHERE THEY PUT RAWK HAWK LABELS OVER AXE BODY SPRAY!

Goombella: What's your IQ? Seriously? Wait. Don't tell me. Let me hold up my fingers and see if i'm right on my 1st try.

Koops: But you don't have any fingers.

Goombella: Exactly!

Rawk Hawk: HEY! I'M NOT A FUCKING Q! IF YOU'RE TRYING TO CALL ME QUEER! ANYWAY,GONZALES YOU LARD ASS SON OF A BITCH! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! STOP STEALING MY SPOT LIGHT! I WORKED REALLY HARD TO BE CHAMPION AND NOT SO YOU CAN CUM ALL OVER MY GLORIOUS BEAUTIFUL TITLE! KEEP IT UP, AND I PROMISE! YOU'LL BE IN FOR A WORLD OF HURT BUDDY!

Mario: I thought that was the plan already for when I make it to the championship in about an hour or so.

Rawk Hawk: YEAH, BUT ALL IM SAYING IS THAT NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU AND I WON'T MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT ON STAGE! CAUSE I'M GONNA DO WHAT YOU DID TO THE ARMORED SODOMIZERS AND TELL EVERY1 YOUR GAY!

Flurrie: That will never work you invisible penise'd so called Cawk! If you do that, I will personally rape Gonzales on stage to prove that he's straight! And then we'll say that you're gay!

Rawk Hawk: ... DAMN! WHY DID I SAY MY PLAN OUT LOUD!? NOW I NEED TO THINK OF A NEW BETTER 1! UUHHH... ANYWAY, YOU'RE TOTALLY DED MEAT! DEDDER THAN MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!

Mario: Why you gotta involve him into your shit?

Rawk Hawk: CAUSE I CAN! OH! AND BY THE WAY! IF YOU GOT THAT SPOOKY EMAIL I DIDN'T SEND, I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW THAT IT TOTALLY WASN'T ME WHO SENT THAT! CAUSE READING AND WRITING TURNS PEOPLE GAY! HAR HAR HAR! ANYWAY, RAWK HAWK, OUT!

Mario: Aaaaaaand just like that, you are now the most hated character among the "readers" and "writers" of this website. Bravo!

Later as Mario and his embarrassing friends walked outside to find the telephone booth,

Mario: If THIS turns out to be an explosive call, im gonna laugh.

Goombella: How? Wed all be ded!

Mario: Well, im Mario. And Mario always lives!

Flurrie: So are we gonna have to make to a few sexy phone calls or something?

Goombella: Maybe we don't have to. Look! There's the phone booth. And there seems to be a red key that looks like it was just here waiting for us.

Koops grabbed the key noticing it was just covered in blood.

Koops: Eww... Is that blood?

Flurrie: Lemme see...

Flurrie started smelling, licking, and enjoying the taste of the the bloody key a little too much.

Goombella: Why would you lick that!?

Flurrie: Mmmmm... Just what I thought. Period blood. Delish. But I can't pinpoint whos it is...

Yoshi: EEWWWW! Why that key need to be covered in that shit?

Mario: Probably cause this stalker knows that we're the only people crazy enough to touch something bloody on the ground.

Flurrie: And taste it!

Mario: And that! Alright. This quest is getting more and more complicated and stupid. I think i'm gonna jump off Glitzville now. Seeya.

Mario suddenly got another notification out of the blue.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! Can some1 read it?

Koops: Sure thing!

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 53(|?37 |?00/\/\\.

Goombella: I think I can do this 1! Lets see…. It sais… Go lo lhe sed? et I? Oom… Now wait… Let me re-rea-

Koops: It said Go to the secret room!

Goombella: DAMNIT KOOPS! I WAS SO CLOSE!

Flurrie: A secret room? I'm liking the sound of that.

Koops: Yeah... How do you think we get there?

Goombella: Wait. There's more...

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 53(|?37 |?00/\/\ /\/3}{7 70 6|?|_|884'5 0|=|=!(3.

Goombella: Go to the secret room… Lets see… Rs are |?... so …. Go to the secret room … neht to grubba's office! I did it!

Koops: I think you meant "next to Grubba's office." The Xs are kind of weird.

Goombella: STOP CORRECTING ME! But yeah. I wonder if thats where the **Greed **Star is located!

Mario: Its not. That would be way too fucking easy. Like seriously? What are we retarded or something? Wait. Don't answer that.

Yoshi: You saying we shouldn't go there incase that like a trap or something? Or do we get some guns and be prepared to cap some ass?

Mario: The only thing we need to cap some ass with, are my Mario fists! Now lets go-

Mario: Hold on a second! I just got a funny idea. Before we go, im just gonna make a little quick prank call.

Goombella: To who?

Mario started pressing a bunch of buttons to call some ridiculous character.

Frankly: Hello? Who is this?

Mario poorly disguised his voice as a prostitute from the Czech Republic to fool Frankly.

Mario: Hi. *Clears throat* I don't think you remember me, it's Iva. You had me delivered at your house for an evening last Christmas.

Frankly: What in Spaztic Spaghetti Monsters are you talking about!? I don't remember sleeping with any1 from the Czech Republic. I don't even celebrate christmas! But I suppose if i'm drunk enough, I would. Go on?

Mario: Well... you see... this is *clears throat* difficult to tell you, but... i'm pregnant. And you're the father.

Frankly: ... Excuse me?

Mario: You're the father of my child. I'm about 5 months preggos and the baby in the ultrasound appeared to be half Goomba!

Frankly: How in science is this possible!?

Mario: Uhhh... I keep semen samples as DNA and it happened to match with yours. Plus, its pretty obvious that my pre determined low functioning autistic baby is already a goomba human hybrid fetus.

Frankly: My! But that's absurd! Low functioning autism!? No way in Gilligan's Island am I going to raise a fucking retard baby! Even if it is mine!

Mario: Well then... at least *sniff* Now I know who kind of person… *sniff* ... you really are you heartless monster.

Koops: He's good.

Frankly: Hey! Come on! Baby! I didn't mean it.

Mario: WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?! You don't care about us 1 bit!

Frankly: Oh! Well…. yes I do! Oh baby baby, I'm sorry. Im just under alot of stress with this 7 Dedly Star business i've been working on with my crew! Why... of course I wanna raise a child with you. Even if he is a fucking retard!

Mario: So does this mean you... *Sniff* You promise?

Frankly: I promise.

Mario: Oh hunny! I love you!

Frankly: I love you too!

Mario: *sniff sniff* Say... Are you feeling... kind of... I don't know, randly? You wanna fool around over the phone?

Frankly: What ever do you mean baby?

Mario: You know...

Mario started girl moaning over the phone arousing Frankly.

Frankly: Mmmmm... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mario: Yeah. Give me your body.

Frankly: I'll give you my fucking balls sexy! Over the fucking phone!

Frankly started having smexy phone sex with Mario pretending to moan like a hooker.

Mario: Yeah huh? Uhhh uuuuhhhh give it miiiiiii! GIVE IT TO ME YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

Frankly: Uuuuhhh uh uh uh Oh yeah. Mmmmm Yeah bet you like that doncha? I bet you like getting stabbed by Frankly's Frank!

Mario: I do baby I do! And you know what else?

Frankly: Wha... WHat? What it is bitch? Uhhh!

Mario: ITS-A ME! MARIO! BITCH!

Frankly: WHAT IN THE FLOPPING FUCK!?

Mario: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! A GOT YOU BITCH! IM NOT REALLY A CZECH PROSTITUTE! IM FUCKING MARIO! AND YOU JUST HAD PHONE SEX WITH A FUCKING DUDE!

Frankly: WHAT!? SON OF A BITCH! YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL! I'M GOING TO SLIT YOUR THROAT, PULL OUT YOUR ESOPHAGUS, AND MAKE JAZZ TUNES OUT OF YOUR ORGANS YOU BLASTED CUNT INFECTED SUCKING INVALID! I WILL DESTROY YOU! I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO MASTERBATE TO MYSELF IN THE MIRROR FOR A LONG TIME WITH THIS SHAME UNDER MY BELT! YOU RUINED ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Mario got bored and hung up the phone on Frankly in mid deth threat mode.

Mario: That was pretty funny.

Goombella: Wait! Hold on! How in the WORLD, did you know Professor Frankly's phone number?

Mario: I didn't. I fucking typed random shit and got it right the 1st time.

Yoshi: Sheeeeiiiiiit! I wanna try that 1 day!

Goombella: You do realize Mario is a border line Deus Ex Machina right? Your luck compared to his is microscopic!

Koops: Deus Ex Machinima? Whats that!?

Goombella: *sigh* A Deus Ex Machina is an unexpected power or even saving a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel. And no. I totally did not just pull that off my phone just now. So you totally can't sue me for plagiarism!

Mario: Good to know. Let's get going idiots!

Koops: Say, what if these aNoNyMoUs guys are like, ghosts or something?

Goombella: I doubt it.

Koops: Really? Cause they seem to be stalking us. And we can't see them. Maybe it's those Shadow girls! Holy cow right!?

Goombella: ... If I had hands, I would smack you silly.

Koops: But I like being silly!

The bizarre gang of 5 walked down the hallways despite the Securitims not escorting them around. Maybe they were busy sitting on eachother's dicks creating a man-tower or something gay like that. So... yeah.

Koops: Watch me rule the night away! Watch me save the day! Feel my storm is getting close! Heading your way! Sonic Heroooooooooooes! Sonic Herooooooooooooes!

Yoshi: Stop singin dat song!

Koops: Bind you confine you defying your reign! Sonic Heroooooooooooes! Sonic Heroooooooooooes!

Yoshi: KOOPS! Stop singin dat shit you stupid ass bitch ass!

Koops: Sorry Yoshi. That song just gets stuck in my head sometimes.

Yoshi: Look at me. Look at me right now nigga. Do I look like a give a shit?

Koops: Wait, do you?

Yoshi: ... GUYS! IM THINKING ABOUT PICKING UP SMOKING!

Goombella: Yoshi! Shut up!

Yoshi: You shut up bitch! Don't tell me to shut up or I'll fuck you in the ass bitch!

Goombella: We don't wanna be loud and alert the Securitims. It's a miracle that they aren't on our asses right now!

Mario: Well, what are they gonna do? Hit us?

Flurrie: I hope so.

Mario: Well it doesn't matter. CAUSE WERE HERE MOTHER FUCKERS!

Yoshi: HEELLL YEAH!

Goombella: Oh hey! I never noticed there was a door here with a lock until now!

Flurrie was busy picking her nose.

Koops: Yeah! I had a feeling it was gonna be used for something!

Mario: Right. Hopefully when we open this door, we won't run into any1 annoying we know. That's 1 of the worst feelings I know.

Mario soon got his hands bloody from the period blood painted key and unlocked the secret storage room. SUDDENLY,,,

Ms. Mowz: Mmmmm hmm hmm hmm! Long time no see yet again my Delightful Delamere's!

Yoshi: ... Who dat?

Goombella: OH COME ON! I swear! If I see this whoreslutwhore 1 more time, i'm gonna personally generate arms and strangle myself!

Koops: Hwow! How have you been Ms. Mousey? Have you been stealing some neat shit lately?

Ms. Mowz: Maaaaaaaaaybe. I guess i'm just here to get my rocks off you know? And by rocks, heh. I mean my badges.

Goombella: Wow... You just went an entire line without making a dumb cheesy cheese joke. Impressive!

Koops: Hey! Say something with Goat Cheese? Or better yet, Dog Cheese! Hehe that would be funny. Right fellaz? Hehe… Dog Cheese.

Awkward Silence.

Koops: Uhhhhh... Hehe... I said, Dog Chee-

Mario: Yeah yeah! We heard you the 1st time. So what? Are you here to suck my dick again?

Goombella: That never- Oh wait... shit. Yeah it did. I try not to think about too much. *sigh*

Ms. Mowz: I just told you my Tenderous Tango. Im here for some badge hunting. But hey! It seems like everywhere I've been this past week, we've been running into each other. This must have been the 4th time!

Koops: Its the 3rd!

Ms. Mows: Oh whoopsies hehe. That's right you fabulous batches of fandu. Speaking of fandu, how bout I partake in a little something something under your pants if you know what I mean. Hehe.

Mario: If you want my stars, you've got another thing coming you pre-roadkill bitch!

Ms. Mowz: Oh... So now were talking dirty Mr. Mascarpone... Come here and give some Seator Orkney styled Sex! And keep talking dirty to me! I like it...

Mario: You bet! I'll fuck you right in the mouse hole!

Goombella: You what?

Flurrie: I'm jealous...

In a spontaneous hied of the moment, Mario and Ms. Mowz started having sex right on 1 of the big grey metal boxes of nothing.

Goombella: NOT AGAIN! BLEEERG!

Koops: YOU LUCKY DOG MARIO! I'M WANT SOME OF THAT TOO! BLEEEERG!

Yoshi: I'M TOO YOUNG TO SEE THIS SHIT! BLEEEEEERG!

Flurrie: ...

Flurrie stuck her finger down her throat so she can intentionally BLEEEEEEEEERG with the rest of the party mates.

Ms. Mowz: Mmmm…. Yeah baby! Stick that big hunk of swiss inside me you gross fat smelly barbarian! Mmmmm YEAH! And keep talking dirty to me! Take me like a Fat Bottom Girl!

Mario: Mmmmm... Oh yeah... You want some of that shit? I'll give you some. You look like a filthy deranged beastiality lover's wet dream! The kind of beastiality lover who designed you based off a thought he had while secretly jacking off to Mickey Mouse cartoons with the volume all the way down! If there's anything that your life if worth, it's for scientists can use you for lab testing!

Ms. Mowz: Oh hell no! Fuck this! Were done.

Mario: What?

Ms. Mowz pulled the dick out of her pussy a millisecond away from him cumming inside of her.

Mario: OH CUM ON!? What the fuck you stupid bitch!? Why did you do that!?

Ms. Mowz: CAUSE! THAT LAST COMMENT WAS JUST DOWN RIGHT MEAN!

Mario: YOU said to talk dirty! So I did! Whore!

Ms. Mowz: There's a difference between talking dirty, and a "You look like a" comment. No 1 deserves that!

Mario: That's why it's funny!

Ms. Mowz: Whatever. I think i'm gonna go. I doubt any of you really like me anyway...

Goombella: No we don't.

Flurrie: Your cute, but no.

Koops: Uhh...

Yoshi: Fuck yo ass bitch!

Ms. Mowz: Thought so. *Sigh* Anyway, just be careful around these Glitzville parts. There's alot of disturbing secrets here none of you are gonna like. The 1 thing you shouldn't expect to find is an actual glory hole. The name of this arena here is very misleading.

Goombella: So that means that you would know where the next star is located then.

Ms. Mowz: Not a clue. Anyhow. Tata my Fiery Rebels!

Since there was no window for Ms. Mowz to dangerously jump off this time, she left by exiting through the door like a regular person.

Koops: Holy Tubular Toothpaste! She's so hawt. If only I wasn't such a fucking twat!

Yoshi: Nah man. You just got issues! Like, you must be gay or something.

Koops: I have a girlfriend!

Yoshi: You still gay!

Koops: ...

Mario: You guys just wanna go upstairs already and find some of those "hidden secrets?"

Mario suddenly got another email.

Mario: Goombella. Read.

Goombella: Okay.

aNoNyMoUs: 60 |_||?574!|?5 !/\/70 7#3 477!(.

Goombella: It says... to go upstairs into the attic. OH! IN YOUR FACE KOOPS!

Mario: We were just going to do that anyway.

Goombella: Aww man...

Koops: I still think this person is a spooky ghost!

Goombella: He or she probably just had good timing. Who knows.

After a few tedious obstacles involving flipping Super Mario World looking switches to get to the attic and finding the **Charge P** badge, they made it to the attic! Yay! But wait! Surprise surprise!

Koops: Holy shit! Look at all of these Securitims! What do you think they're doing in these septic tanks?

Goombella: Eww… I think those are clones of the security team! This is sooooo wiiiierdd...

Just so you readers know. They are indeed inside a cloning room with hallways of Securitims in glass tanks with some sci fi cloning liquid. And yes. They were all naked cause you know, its CLONING! Also, their suits and sunglasses apparently are part of their skin which is also creepy as fuck.

Mario: Hmm… So that's why there are so many of these stupid looking clones. Huh. Why couldn't they clone some1 hot instead?

Flurrie: LIKE ME!

Mario: Nevermind.

Yoshi: Should we let them free or some shit?

Goombella: Uhh…. I think it's best not to interfere. We almost got in trouble way too many times already. I'm nervous enough just being in this room as it is.

Mario: Yeah. Lets get out of here. I can't stand seeing a bunch of overgrown blue fetuses staring at me. Flurrie! Stop licking the glass!

Flurrie: I get soooo turned on by cloning labs.

Mario: of course you do- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHh!

Mario and the rest of them carelessly fell down a hole in the ground along with Flurrie following them for the sake of whatever. They landed in a vertically narrow vent like room with voices coming from the floor.

Mario landed 1st with Goombella, then Yoshi, then Koops, and finally, Flurrie landed on eachother.

Mario: I definitely did not land that right.

Yoshi: GETCHO ASSES OFF OF ME!

Koops: Guys. I feel something like, humping me.

Goombella: GOD DAMNIT FLURRIE! STOP IT!

Flurrie: Sorry. Force of habit.

As soon as they all got off of each other, they heard some noise through a tiny hole in the floor.

Yoshi: Wait! Y'all hear dat shit? Maybe if we eavesdrop on them asses, we can find out where dat star is!

Goombella: We... should probably get in for a closer listen. And let's keep on our toes. We don't wanna alert them you know.

All of the non hovering characters walked as carefully on their toes as they overheard the secret conversation between Jolene and Grubba through the floor. Jolene was laying on the table while Grubba had his hand down her pants totally not so she won't get fired or nothing...

Grubba: So Jolene, how are them new batches of Securitim's coming along?

Jolene: They're almost done. We need to start investing in a way to keep them from destabilizing so quickly. That's the 3rd time this month.

Grubba: No Kidding. We don't want the rest of the fighters freaking out like a pack of headless chickens over this. So when do you think the clones will be ready?

Jolene: Mind if I go check now? I … kind of wanna leave.

Grubba: Whoa whoa whoa I say. Just give me like, 5 more minutes.

Jolene: But you said that last time...

Grubba: Blah blah blah. Quit your crying. This is business we're doing eh. 1 more thing. How has seeking out more new fighters been coming along? Most of them that Gonzales faught are either ded, or gonna be in the hospital for a while.

Jolene: It's coming along... decently. We haven't had any1 else enter since Sir Swoop. You sitting on him didn't make my job any easier you know. It's hard to get alot of people the wanna fight in 1 day. Plus, they might actually be too scared to wanna even attempt to compete with the mix of intense fighters such as Rawk Hawk and Gonzales. I can't say I blame them though. But the good news is, is that with Rawk Hawk being champion plus Gonzales reaching rank 4 in 1 day so far, our income has increased 12fold. So we should be able to afford better cloning tanks to keep our Securitim team fresher and more stable.

Grubba: Eeeexcelent. We may have lost alot of fighters today, but we got some stars kicking ass and making up for it. That's better than having 20 mediocre fighters in my book.

Jolene: I guess your right. We'll have more fans because of that. We'll probably receive a stronger turnout of fighters by tomorrow anyway. Thats how these things seem to work around here.

Grubba: Yeseri!

Jolene: So can I get going? I must get going back to work.

Grubba: K fine.

Jolene got Grubba's sand papery hand out of her crotch and she got off the desk to leave.

Grubba: WAIT!

Grubba grabbed 1 of Jolene's buttcheeks tightly.

Grubba: 1 MORE THANG! How familiar are you with the 7 Dedly Star?

Jolene: !

Jolene: N-No. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Grubba: Hmm... Well... If I didn't know any better, i'd say you were lying. But, women are too stupid to lie, so you're in the clear. Alright, run along now.

Grubba slapped Jolene in an inappropriate place.

Jolene shakingly left without saying goodbye. Maybe it has to do with Grubba's inappropriate work behavior. Who knows.

Grubba: Man... hehe. Im gonna rape her 1 of these days. Maybe tomorrow.

Meanwhile above the ceiling,

Yoshi: Holy shit man! I bet 1 of them knows about the dedly star and shit!

Mario: Yes. I'm aware. We've been talking about this bullshit all day.

Goombella: Well duh! We kind of have to! It's kind of the whole point of our entire adventure!

Grubba suddenly heard the voices of the undercover Team M.

Grubba: Hey! Wait a second! What's going on up there?

Koops: Oh shit guys! What are we gonna do!? He knows people are up here!?

Mario: I don't know. Think of something.

Koops: I have no idea. Stop yelling at me!

Mario: I'm not. You're just freaking out right now!

Goombella: Will you guys knock it off and think of something!?

Flurrie: I'm so scared you guys!

Flurrie Farted really loudly.

Goombella: God damnit Flurrie.

Grubba: Whoa nelly! It's just a tootin' dung beetle! Hello little cute guy! You lost or something? As soon as we regenerate some more Securitims, we're gonna bug proof this city big time. Man I've been so on edge lately. I think I need a drink.

Mario: Phew. Well that was close. Lets get out of here so we can reserve our next match already.

Yoshi: Man! Don't tell me that be the 1st thang yo ass be thinkin about after this mess!

Mario: Yes. Incase you haven't noticed. I have a sheer disregard for most things. That's how I keep such a clear head under pressure.

Koops: Don't you like, freak out all the time?

Mario: I'm gonna fork stab you in the lazy eye if you give me shit again. Now let's go.

Team M busted through the vent safe and sound and made it back to their locker room.

Koops: Whoopti doo! We made it!

Goombella: Was that sarcasm?

Koops: No. Im just expressing myself.

Goombella: Oh ok.

Yoshi: So what was the point of all that shit?

Flurrie: What ever do you mean my Yiffing Yoshi?

Yoshi: Like, what did we have to gain from that shit? The Anonymous bitch be all like, "Go to the Phone booth" then, "Go to the Storage Room", then "Go to the Attic". I don't get it. What's this bitch expecting us to gain from dat shit?

Koops: Gosh... I don't know.

Yoshi: I'm just saying nigga. I thought maybe we were gonna get the star or some shit, but that was just a bunch of useless bullshit. I don't get it. I think imma need to smack a bitch if I don't find out some answers!

Mario: Who knows. Let's just reserve our lame match already.

Reserving the next match began to commence with the usual Mario pressing the touchpad shit. 1 of the only things his ass knows how to operate.

Grubba: Howdy Gonzales... How's it *burp* Tootin? Sorry. I just drank 2 gallons of Jim Beam. Sooooo... OH YEAH! You're fixin' for a fight eh? Well... I bet I CAN KICK YOUR ASS! Oh wait. RIght. HAHAHAHA... You want a fight with 1 of the... who ever's next. Wait... OH YEAH! You're up against rank... wait... don't *burp* tell me. You're up rank against... uhhhhh... 7! No... 2! Damnit! Close... Hold on a second...JOLENE! JOLENE! Hold on a second. Shes coming. *Snickers* Cuming...yeah… I wish.

Jolene: Yes?

Grubba: I'm too drunk for this. Rank what is Gonzales *BURP* fighting?

Jolene: He's in rank 4. And it looks like he's going to be up against rank 3. Rth, Uind, and Phahyr.

Grubba: RIGHT! THANK*BURP*YOU!

Grubba: ALRIGHT. As for you Mr. G! FOr this mathc, I want you too... ... PFFFFFFFF AAAAAAAAHHHH JUST FUCK IT! YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! I don't even know... dont even know why... don't even know why I made a uhhhh... rule to ... do special challenges. They're STUPID! Alright! You GET OUT THERE, and be a BIG ASS STAR! I got a new batch of Securutums cloned so 1 of them will get you! SHIT! Pretard you never heard that. Gotta go. Grubba out.

Call End.

Mario: Damn! He is really drunk. And I mean, REALLY drunk.

Koops: But you're like, always drunk.

Mario: I know. But I don't talk like that. I just get louder and more egotistical.

Goombella: Yeah. Like the time you jumped off the roof of that bar.

Mario: Yes. Like the time I jumped off the roof of that bar. Hey. Remember the time I got that high score on Pac Man while drunk?

Goombella: That never happened.

Mario: Oh really? Fuck. Maybe next chapture...HOORAY FOR OBVIOUS FORESHADOWING!

Goombella: That's just a spoiler!

Mario: Not an important 1 at least.

A freshly made Securitim opened the door.

Securitim: Your match is ready. Come with me.

Koops: These new Securitims seem kind of boring.

Meanwhile, deep in the Glory Hole,

Grubba: Ladies and *BURP* WE... WE HAVE ANOTHER MATCH BETWEEN... *BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* OHH ECSCCUUSE MII... SO WE HAVE *BUUUUUUUUUURP* UHHH... *BURP* OWWW! MY STOMACH! I HATE ACID REFLUX! WHY DID I DRINK ALL THAT BEEEEEAM!? OWW! OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *panting* Oh right. The show... *BUUUUURP*! ALRIGHT, WE HAVE THE *BURP* *panting* WE HAVE THE *BUUUUUUURP* *Panting more* OH MY GOD OUUUWWWW! Aight… Aight… SO WE HAVE THE *BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* *Panting* *BUUUUUUUUUURP* BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP* *panting alot* Okey... fuck it... Just…. bring out the 1st *BUUUURP* I'm just gonna... gonna…..

Grubba passed out and BLEERGED a little bit on the floor as a Hammer Bro, Boomerang Bro, and Fire Bro walked up on stage blasting _September by Earth, Wind &amp; Fire._ Wait, I get it now! In the games, their original names are Hamma, Bamma, and Flare! "Hamma" is slang for "Hammer" which a hammer is an earth like weapon. "Bamma" refers to "Boomerang" which is the weapon that Boomberang Bro uses also considering that boomerangs are a wind like weapon. And finally, "Flare", which refers to "Fire", which also refers to a fire type energy called "fire". Maybe it was obvious as shit. So yeah. Rth, Uind, and Phahyr walked on stage and soon afterwards, _Face Fisted by Dethklok_ blasted as the entire Team M crew under Gonzales' name came forth on stage with the audience members screaming and misbehaving as usual.

Mario: Hey look! Retards with helmets! This will be SO easy!

Goombella: You know what Hammer bros are right?

Mario: I know what I said.

Hamma: Mmmmm... Looks like we're up against the Gonzales Gang ehh?

Bamma (Age 40): We'll show em what wer made of FUNK style!

Flare (Age 42): Aaaaawwwwwwwww yeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiii...

Yoshi: LEMME AT EM! LEMME AT EM!

Mario: STOP DOING A FUCKING SCRAPPY DOO IMPRESSION! ITS ANNOYING!

Yoshi: Damn man! All I was-

Mario: DON'T CARE! Scrappy Doo is 1 of the worst/ annoying characters ever invented. I refuse to have a partner who pretends to act like him!

Yoshi: Jeez nigga. Mybad.

Mario: No! Fuck You!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 54/75

Goombella: Power Level 45/65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Hamma: Power Level 32

Bamma: Power Level 21

Flare: Power Level 26

Battle Music: _Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind &amp; Fire _

[TURN 1]

Mario: This is not battle music at all. This just sucks.

Hamma: Shut that mouth of yours! Just enjoy the rhythm.

Bamma: Yeah. Just Boogy to this jam. Were a tribute fighting team to this band after all!

Flare: Awwwww yeiiii...

Mario: Thats retarded.

Goombella uses tattle on Hamma: This is a Hammer Bro. It has a power level of 32. It has a defense of 1 and they chuck hammers at you. You're not too drugged out to forget about your Super Mario Bros. release right?

Mario: Well yeah. I remember 1985 very clearly. In the future, Nintendo will chronically release dozens of Mario Games to help other people remember that Super Mario Bros. for the NES actually happened over, and over, and over again to the point where they will be absolutely annoying as shit and people will never see a new innovative idea for a Mario game ever again. This diabolical plan will start in 2006 when they make a 3D retro styled series known as New Super Mario Bros. and Nintendo will abuse it and become addicted to making 100 other games that look exactly the same as it and every1 will have to be stuck with it forever. So enjoy this shit while you still can!

Goombella: Uhh... Right. You're really choosing to rant about this now?

Mario: Yes I do.

Koops uses super power bowling ball of deth attack unleashing [3 Damage] on them Funky Bros.

Yoshi: Maaaan. I thought I was goin next.

Mario: You would have if you didn't make that Scrappy Doo reference asshole.

Yoshi: You an asshole!

Mario uses hammer smash on Hamma giving him exactly [3 Damage]!

Hamma: Looks like it's our turn.

Bamma: I say we take off a few notches of their asses!

Flare: Awwwww yeeeiiiiiiiiii...

Hamma throws 4 hammers at Koops: [4 Damage]

Koops: RAAA! NOT THE HAMMERS! ANYTHING BUT THE HAMMERS!

Bamma uses Link's side B boomerang throw that hits threw the opponents without cutting them somehow: [4 Damage for Mario] [2 Damage for Koops]

Flare uses Spitting Fire blast on Koops: [2 Damage]

Since Koops is on fire and no 1 can put it out for some reason, he received an extra [1 Damage] putting him in peril.

Koops: WHY ARE THEY ALL GOING AFTER ME!?

Mario: Cause. You're in front, remember?

Koops: Uhh… Oh yeah!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses Tattle on Bamma: This is a Boomerang bro. Hes like a hammer bro, that throws a boomerang. How complicated... It has a power level of 21 I guess, so it's a little weaker in strength.

Koops uses shell slam in Hammer bro with some shell on shell action that finished his ass off: [3 Damage]

Bamma: You fucking kidding me!? Hamma's gone!? Ah hell naw! That's it! We're gonna have to win this harder and louder before!

Flare: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Yoshi: Is that all that Flare guy can say nigga?

Flare: AAhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Yoshi: Shit. I think Mario's right about these guys being retarded.

Mario uses a lightning blotto from his inventory on Bamma zapping the shit out of him: [4 Damage]

Flare gulped in fear. He suddenly started receiving a burning fucking stomach pain.

Flare: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

Suddenly, Flare exploded due to the fact that swallowing his fire spit made him explode. Wait... assuming the fire spit is natural, then it shouldn't make him explode if that's a natural bottally function for him. Well guess what? Its not! He was prescribed a fire spitting drug that his doctor advised him not to swallow 1ce the pill was in effect: [4 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Koops: Wait! What do we do! Grubba's passed out.

Goombella: WAIT! HOLD ON!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Goombella uses tattle of Flare: This is a fire bro. He has a power level of 26. Look out for this 1! He spits fire at you. This fire spit bounces on the floor like 1 of those rubber balls made to bounce. Or better explained like a fire flower fireball throw. Weird physics I know right?

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario: Damn! I hope starting up the battle mode was worth it just for that.

Goombella: Yeah! I have to tattle…. EVERY1!

Koops: Yuuuuhhh... cool. So what about Grubba?

Mario: ... QUICK! EVERY1! KICK HIM SOBER!

Flurrie: Can't we just rape him sober?

Mario: NO TIME!

Suddenly, every1 from Team M started kicking the passed out Grubba till he woke up.

Grubba: Whoa what? Where am I?

Mario: We won the match! Now announce it before we sue you!

Grubba: Oh right... right... *clears throat* WE HAVE A WINNER! AS ALWAYS, THE GREEEEEEEEEAT GONZALES!

Yoshi: HAAAAAA! How dat floor taste bitches!?

Goombella: I'm pretty sure some of them are ded.

Yoshi: Pff... They still bitches.

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

Looking for some summer activities? Then come on down to HITLER LAND! Enter the gates of barbed wire and ride some of our cool roller coasters like the Holocaust, Luftwaffe, The Oven, and our famous water ride; The SS Navy! Take a tour with our Train to Auschwitz! We have a tea cup ride, but with Swastikas! Ride into our spookhouse; The Gas Chamber! Enter our funhouse maze; Anne Frank's Attic! Buy some soap and some cool T Shirts made from the flesh of the Jüdin! We even have our newly opened waterpark; PEARL HARBOR! Where you can ride the Atomic Bomb, the Tsunami, the Kamakazi! and even come down to our cafes where we only serve sausage and orange slices! So come on quick and enjoy the Spaß! Hitler Land! Only in New Jersey!

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

Back to the locker room,

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 3.

Jolene handed Mario 14 coins.

Mario: I still feel like you're shorting me.

Yoshi: You shorting him bitch!? HUH? Oh hell naw! Fuck that shit.

Jolene: Whatever. I got business to attend to.

Jolene left the room

Yoshi: Damn... that sure is some suspicious shit right hrrr...

Koops: Shucks! Like, how so?

Yoshi: Well, doesn't she always say dat "Now if you excuse us, we must get going" crap!? Dis time, she just sounded like she was more in a rush or some shit.

Flurrie: I love watching her go though.

Yoshi: Yeah. Same here. I wish I can just see dat booty already! But Koops' weird ass dad's ass was blockin' that shit for me!

Flurrie: Aww... poor baby. Wanna see my ass?

Yoshi: Fuck no bitch. I've puked enough today!

Goombella: Yeah Flurrie. No 1 wants to look at your ass.

Flurrie: Playin hard to get eh? Well that's cool. Your only stirring up my groin for a grand finale.

Goombella: ... *Sigh* And this is why you're a better character when you don't talk.

Mario: GUYS! LOOK! ANOTHER CAKE!

Mario pointed to another cake on the table!

Koops: OH BOY! MORE CAKE!

Yoshi: CHOCOLATE CAKE TOO!1

Koopinator: Not so fast buttwads! I'm eating this cake instead!

Yoshi: OH HEEL NAW!

Mario: STEP AWAY FROM THE CAKE IF YOU WANT TO LIVE ASSHOLE!

Koopinator: Nonsense! This is cake! 1 of the most precious things in the Nintendo world! It's mine and you can't do anything about it!

Flurrie: You most certainly will not trifle with thy cake you resilient cock blocker!

Koopinator: Try me!

Suddenly, Koopinator grabbed the entire cake and swallowed it whole like Kirby believe it or not.

Koops: n...N...N-..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Goombella: YOU BASTARD! WE WERE SOOOO CLOSE TO EATING THAT CAKE!

Yoshi: WHY COULDN'T YOU SHARE IT NIGGA!?

Koopinator: Because! Jokes on you! That's what you get for trolling me you fucking Yoshi!

Mario: Great. Now I have to punch you in the stomach so hard, that you puke it out!

Koopinator: Oh pfft. What are you gonna do!? Eat my puke?

Mario: Yes. I will do it. I'm fucking crazy.

Koopinator: Fine! Lets duke it out early then, who ever loses, has to forfeit when we-

Suddenly, Koopinator's stomach started to growl.

Koopinator: What the? ... OOOOWWWW! OOOOOO! OOOOOHHHH NONONONONONONO! NOT NOW! NOT NOW!

Koopinator started crouching down holding his stomach as he began to uncontrollably shart all over in his armor!

Koopinator: THIS CAN'T BEEEEE!

Koopinator then started to shart liquid diarrhea that poured down his armor like warm frozen yogurt.

Koopinator: AAAAAAAHHHH! I'M IN SOOO MUCH PAAAAAAAAAIN!1 AAAAAAHHHHH!

Yoshi: WHOA! CHECK IT OUT! THAT ROBOT WANNABE NIGGA BE SHITTING HIMSELF! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Koops: Holy Smokes! Was there something in that cake that tainted him!?

Mario: Hmm... I hope not.

Mario suddenly had another notification.

Mario: Ah shit... Goombella. Read!

Goombella: I'm gonna tutor you on how to read 1 of these days.

Goombella: Oh look. Rawk Hawk thinking he's anonymous again…. Here we go.

_Rawk Hawk: STAR69 HAI DER! SO I WANN SSAY SOORY 4 MT I MEAN, MY BEHAVIOR! I JUST WANNA B COOL AND LET BY GONES BE BYGONES. UNLESS YR GAY OR SOMETHING. HAR HAR HAR! SO, AS A TOKEM OF MY GRATIDUDE, I GET YOU A CAKE! AND DON'T WORRY, I SURE PROMISE U WONT GET THE SPLATTERZ! I TOTALLY DIDDINT ADD ANY LAXADIVZ IN TI! HAR HAR HAR! PIECE! GET IT!? LIKE PEACE OF OF CAKE?_

_\- RAWK HAWK_

Goombella: ... If IAMMASTER makes a top 5 dumbest SMatTYD characters list, this guy has a pretty substantial chance of making that list. Like, seriously, it's a little concerning. He's almost up there with Robotnik, who is also pretty bat shit crazy himself!

Mario: So... basically,,,, he tainted the cake?

Goombella: Yeah. Yeah he did.

Mario: ... WHEN I FACE HIM, I AM GOING TO TAINT THAT CONERY CAWK WITH MY TAINT AND SHOW HIM WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUIN CAKE IN A NINTENDO GAME! The results are NOT pretty! Just so I can kick his ass as soon as humanly possible, Im reserving the next match right now!

Mario ran to the touch screen and reserved his match at 1ce!

Grubba: HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY HOWDY! IT IS I, GRUBBA! AAHAHAHAHAH! So looks like you're reserving another match as always Gonzales! Very well then! How bout I place you up against rank 13, sorry. I mean, rank 2! THE CUNT CHOMPERS! They are a feisty bunch of red chain chomps yes, but nothin you and your partners can't handle I tell he hwat! ... SO! This match, I want you to go at this match alone! Meaning, don't let any of em partner's attack. It'll hype people for yer last 2 matches afterwards! That Goomba 1 can do that tattle shit she always does, but leave it at that! Alright! A Securitim will be on his way! YEE HAH!

Call End

Koopinator was suddenly spinning around like a diarrhea rocket out of the control with his uncontrollable prostate breakdancing and shit bursting out of his left leg hole! Think Squirtle's side B move in Brawl, but with poop.

Koopinator: I CAAAAANT TAKE THE PRESSUUUUUUUURE!

Mario: Hey! Let's throw stuff at him!

Mario and his retarded team started throwing trash at the Koopinator. Some of this trash got stuck to the shit that was stuck to his armor.

Koops: GUYS! WE SHOULD CALL HIM, *SNICKERS* THE POOPINATOR! GET IT!?

Mario: WOW! I ACTUALLY FIND THAT KIND OF FUNNY!

Goombella: You guys sprout a bunch of immature crap! But this is immature crap I can really get behind! LITERALLY!

Securitim: Hey! Whats going on here!?

Mario: We're throwing garbage at the Poopinator!

Securitim: OH! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Let me join for a few minutes, then we can start your guys' match!

Yoshi: SURE!

Koopinator: I FUCKING HATE YOU PEOPLE!

Later after the hazing of the Koopinator for stealing the poisoned cake, the battle started to commence as usual in the Glory Hole. You know. Dad's beating up other dads, and moms generating and throwing their babies at each other like a snowball fight. Usual stuff like that.

Grubba: WOMEN AND HUMANS! BOYS AND OTHER INFERIORS OUT THERE! WHO'S READY FOR 2 OF OUR BIGGEST MAJOR LEAGUERS TO FACE OFF!?

Audiance: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Grubba: FOR STARTERS, WE HAVE THE RED BALLS AND CHAINS! THE CHOMPS NOT THWOMPS! LET'S GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! THE CUNT CHOMPERS!

_Who let the Dogs Out by Baha Men_ started blasting as 2 Red Chomps hopped on stage! 1 of the fans tried to get 1 of them to sign her boob, but instead, 1 of the Chomps... ate half of her body. Remember. These audience members unknowingly sign their lives away so its all guud.

Grubba: AND IN THE OTHER CORNER, WE HAVE TO MERCILESS DETH MACHINES OF DESTRUCTION, AND 1000 WAYS TO DIE! PLEASE GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE TOOOOOOOOOO THE GREAT GONZALES!

_Face Fisted by Dethklok_ started blasting as Mario, and his gang emerged on stage in their same old normal way. What do you expect!? They've done this 17 fucking times this chapture.

X-Naut 21: Hey 24, can you pass me some more popcorn?

X-Naut 24: Sure. Yeah! Great plan sneaking off from searching for Mario and going to Glitzville instead.

X-Naut 21: Yeah! Definately! I kind of feel like we need a break after that last disaster!

X-Naut 24: Say... Doesn't that Gonzales guy kind of look like Mario? I think some of those other characters look like his partners!

X-Naut 21: Dude! Come on! Were on vacation! Let's just enjoy the show and get drunk.

X-Naut 24: Yeah. Good idea. Besides, alot of people kind of already look like Mario anyway.

**[BATTLE MODE] **

Mario: Power Level 48/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 5/68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 7/10

V.S.

Red Chomp 1 (Age 5): Power Level 53

Red Chomp 2 (Age 7): Power Level 53

Battle Music: _Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse_

[TURN 1]

Red Chomp 1: ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF! ARF!

Red Chomp 2: ARF ARF ARF AAARF AAARRFF!

Mario: Goombella? You know how to speak in chomp?

Goombella: What are you kidding? That's like trying to talk to a fucking dog!

Mario: Just do your tattle shit.

Goombella: Right.

Goombella uses tattle of the Red Chomp: These are Red Chomps. They each have a power level of 53. They have the strength of 5, and a duration of 3. So look out. Plus, their attacks are fast as hell. So yeah. Have fun.

Mario drops some earth LSD all over the fucking Red Chomps dealing an atrocious: [5 Damage to All]

Koops: I think he's got this guys! I think he's got this!

Flurrie: You go my Magnificent Mustache!

Yoshi: Drop their asses G!

Mario: See that!? I don't need no partners to kick ass!

Chomp 1 uses bite on Mario leaving a brutal painful scar on his hip area: [5 Damage]

Mario: JESUS FU-

Chomp 2 interrupted him with another bite attack in the other side: [5 Damage]

Mario: AAAAAAAAAH! FUCK that HURTS!

Yoshi: HAHAHAHA! THESE CUNT CHOMPERS REALLY ARE TRUE TO THEIR NAMES!

Koops: Whoa! Like, how are you still alive!?

Mario: Cause, I said it before and I'll say it again. I'm, fucking, MARIO! Crap. If only that was enough to bring me down to danger mode.

Yoshi: How is that shit possible!? Like, how are they able to stretch their fuckin chains that far to reach you!? What kind of metal is that?

Mario: I guess its rubber. I mean, fuck. I don't know!

[TURN 2]

Mario: I can finish this match with a move I completely forgot all about having!

Mario ended the battle by swinging his hammer at 1 of the Chomps bouncing onto the other chomps knocking them the fuck out: [1 Damage All]

Yoshi: YEI! THEY GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: WHOHOA NELLY! TALK ABOUT 1 HELL OF A KROKEE GAME! THE WINNER IS! THE GREEEEAT GONZALES!11

Goombella: Sooo... You're not like, tripping from the acid right?

Mario: Nah. It still won't kick in for a little while now.

Audience: GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES!

X-Naut 21 &amp; 24: GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES! GONZALES!

Back to the locker room,

Jolene: Here is your prize money Mr. Gonzales. You are now in rank 2.

Jolene handed Mario 15 Coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be getting back to work.

Jolene left in the same boring ass way as always.

Koopinator: YOU!

Mario: Oh good! You changed your armor after shitting in it! And you did that all by yourself!? Oh good for you!

Koopinator: Reserve your match at 1ce against me! For I am your next opponent on the roster! Yes! I am the last step between you and facing that Rawk Hawk asshole! And I don't think you got what It takes!

Yoshi: I don't think YOU got what it takes you armor shitting turkey!

Koopinator: I AM NOT AN ARMOR SHITTING TURKEY! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT FOR I AM OF A HIGHER RANK THAN YOU!

Yoshi: Aight. Aight. A, yes you are an armor shitting turkey. You were shitting yourself last time we was here. B, We'll pass your rank next match. and C, ... YOU SUCK! HAHAHA!

Koopinator: Don't any of your teammates know how to parent you!?

Koops: Well you see... he kind of just does what he wants.

Flurrie: Indeed. Were the best kind of parents.

Mario: Yeah. Besides. Were not even his fucking parents. He's just an infant Yoshi on our team who thinks he's a black niglet.

Yoshi: I AM BLACK NIGGA! Just look at my skin!

Goombella: He's right you know.

Koopinator: Grrrr! Thats it! Gonzales! You're coming with me and we are reserving our match cause if I do it, Im going up against Rawk Hawk and I already lost to him today! Before you even registered as a fighter!

Mario: Oh yeah. I was watching that fight alright. I thought you were a fucking gay robot or something!

Koopinator: RAAA! Get over here!

The Koopinator grabbed Mario's arm tightly like an aggressive elementary school gym teacher, and made his arm reserve the match.

Grubba: Well HOWDY Gonzales and Koopinator! I see you both are fixin for a fight! Let's see... So Koopinator, you'll both be up against the Champion! Rawk Hawk!

Koopinator: WHAT!? NO! I WANNA FIGHT GONZALES!

Grubba: Alright, alright... fine. That sounds like more of an exciting match anyway. So Gonzales, for this match, I want you to... too... KICK HIS ASS!

Mario: HA!

Koopinator: WHAT!? HEY! FUCK YOU! WHAT ABOUT ME!?

Grubba: Well Koopinator, you see... I'm not really too interested in what you have to say or do. You may be rank 1, but you ain't no rising star like Gonzales. He's way more popular than you will ever be! Now get pumped and I'll have a Securitim come by any minute now! Signin off!

Call End.

Koopinator: That son of a bitch!? Who does he think I am!? I am rank 1! 1 I tell you! RANK 1!

Mario: That clearly doesn't make you the highest rank you know.

Koopinator: Higher than you!

Mario:Do you really want to get into another shame filled argument right now you smelly tin can looking dildo!

Koopinator: You're full of shit Mother Fucker!

Mario: At least I'm not too pussy to show my face in public. You must be pretty fucking ugly if you can't even handle taking off your mask in a fucking locker room!

Koopinator: AH SCREW THE MATCH! I'M KICKING YOUR ASS RIGHT HERE!

As the Koopinator charged a punch at Mario, a Securitim opened the door and slammed the Koopinator in the face.

Koopinator: OWW!

Securitim: Gonzales! Come with me if you want to live in rank 1!

Mario: Ha! I get it! Nice sucky terminator reference. It's almost as bad as-

Koopinator: YEAH YEAH! SHUT UP! I GET IT!

Inside the wretched and foul Glory Hole,

Grubba: SEXIST DEVIATIONS OF GENDERS! WHO'S READY FOR ANOTHER GLORY HOLE GALLERY TO COMMENCE!?

Audience: JUST GET TO THE FUCKING FIGHT ALREADY!

Grubba: FINE THEN! TO MY LEFT, WE HAVE THE AUSTRIAN DETH MACHINE! THE RAZOR'S EDGE! THE MEDIEVAL LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER HIMSELF! TOTALLY NOT A KNOCK OFF OF THE TERMINATOR, THE KOOPINATOR!

_Sad But True by Metallica_ started blasting as the Koopinator walked forth doing various flexing like forms to heavily imply how strong as fuck he thinks he is.

Grubba: TO MY RIGHT, WE HAVE THE 1 AND ONLY HIMSELF! THE HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF EVERY GENOCIDE EVER! THE SLIMY SCUM BAG SCUMMIER THAN EVEN MYSELF, FLASH YER TITS FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! THE GREAT GONZALES!

Mario and the rest of his party walked behind him in a V like formation for some showboating reason.

Koopinator: WERE FINISHING THIS! TONIGHT!

Koops was busy eating half a Hot Dog some1 dropped on the floor that only replenished: [5 HP]

Mario: Well yeah, that's the fucking plan. Now shut up and lets fight.

**[BATTLE MODE] **

Mario: Power Level 18/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 52768

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 7/10

V.S.

The Koopinator: Power Level 175

Battle Music: _Master of Puppets by Metallica_

[TURN 1]

Koopinator: THIS IS IT! YOUR FINALLY DED MEAT!

Mario: You look like you're not even worthy for a "You look like a" insult!

Goombella uses tattle: This is the Koopinator. He's part of an elite warrior class known as Dark Koopatrols by Bowser. I don't know why he isn't working for that guy right now. He seems to just work as a high ranked fighter instead. Its a little odd if you ask me. Lets see... Don't jump in his head cause there's a spike protecting his head, and he's got a Defense of 2. I guess thats all that's important.

Mario: Why does he have a stronger power level than Bowser?

Goombella: Don't ask me.

Koops uses shell slam on the Koopinator kind of hitting him in the stomach area: [2 Damage]

Mario uses hammer blaster on Koopinator dealing him a solid: [2 Damage]

Koopinator: Pfft... Don't make me laugh.

Mario: My god you sound sooo edgy.

Koopinator: Try me!

Koopinator used his head but shell attack on Koops: [4 Damage]

Koops: MY HOODIE! Aww shucks! You tore a hole in it!

Koopinator: Get armor! It's way better!

[TURN 2]

Koops: Mario! I really don't like this guy!

Mario: I know! That's why we're kicking his fucking ass right now!

Koops: I'll show this guy some fucking armor!

Koops uses his new power he forgot all about from his power up back in Ghettoport, and raised his arms to summon a giant majical shell for Mario to hide in.

Mario: How the fuck did you just do that!?

Koops: I don't know! I'm just trying to express myself! It does looks like a great shell to masterbate in though!

Mario: Koops! Worry about that on your own time!

Koops: Uhhh... yes sir!

Mario got out of the shell and smoked a lightning blotto making him high as fuck! Oh. And also zapping the Koopinator in the face: [3 Damage]

The Koopinator got in his shell and performed a powershell move that cut through Koops' shell and broke 1 3rd of the shell Mario was hiding in and also somehow missed Koops: [0 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Koops: Uggg...That was close! Mario... No offense, but I feel like i'm about to pass out i'm in so much pain...

Mario: I don't understand why you can't hide in the shell with me you piece of shit... fine. Uhh... Yoshi! You're up!

Yoshi: Hell yeah!

Yoshi got on stage and kicked Koops off like the bratty twat he is.

Mario uses quake hammer knocking the Koopinator on the ground on his back like a bitch: [2 Damage]

Koopinator: Help! HELP! I CAN'T FCUKING GET UP!

Mario: No you can't! And that just costed you a turn bitch!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Alright Yoshi! Remember what we did last time while he was having a shit explosion? Kick him when he's down!

Yoshi: I WILL! THANK YOU FATHER!

Mario uses regular double jump attack on the Horizontally Challenged Koopinator: [4 Damage]

Yoshi uses quadruple ground pound attack with the 1st pound being worth 2 Damage, but ultimately, it was a whopping: [5 Damage]

Koopinator: THIS IS HORSE SHIT!

The damaged Koopinator got back up after being a little dazed from the beating.

Koopinator: Next turn, you are so ded!

[TURN 5]

Mario uses regular hammer blast on Koopinator: [2 Damage]

Yoshi uses appeal knowing he can't do shit without using too much FP for a gulp attack.

The Koopinator uses spikey head butt shattering another 3rd of Koops' giant majic shell shield.

[TURN 6]

Mario does another hammer attack on the heavily damaged Koopinator: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Mario! Use the item swap we got from earlier and swap 1 of your bags of super shrooms. We might get some kind of hopefully not gross syrup.

Mario: Well... I already used my turn for this round, YOSHI! DO IT!

Yoshi: Do what!?

Mario: You know!?

Yoshi: NO I don't!

Mario: *Sign* Go into the itme action command, select the item next to the text "item swap", and use it on 1 of the bags of super shrooms!

Yoshi: Where the hell am I supposed to find the inventory!?

Mario: I don't know. Every1 just seems to have access to it despite the sensible physics!

Yoshi: Aight fine!

Yoshi some how majically used the item swap and held up a bag of super shrooms!

Flurrie: I thought they were in Mario's ass!

Goombella: Sometimes they are.

Koopinator: Are you all done squabbling yet!?

Mario: We're figuring out how to do an action command! Just grab your dick or something and be patient!

Yoshi: So wait, what do I do? Do I squish this shit together!?

Mario: I don't know. Like, you can try that I guess.

Yoshi: Alright. Let me try this shit.

Yoshi squished the items together causing the bag of super shrooms to turn into a jar of super vadgelly syrup.

Mario: Oh good it worked!

Koopinator used another head butt spike slam smashing the shell into 100 pieces.

Koopinator: You are so ded next turn!

[TURN 7]

Yoshi downed the shit out the super vadgelly syrup fully restoring Mario's FP. Don't ask me how that makes sense either. It's because Yoshi's a Team M member and Mario's the only human that can achieve FP.

Mario uses another hammer slam on Koopinator putting him in a peril state: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Why didn't you finish him off!?

Yoshi: Don't worry bitch! I got a plan! Trust me. It'll be funny!

Koopinator: This is it! You're done for!

Mario: Wow. Your cool for saying that quote...

Koopinator: I've heard enough!

Koopinator got in his shell and started spinning creating a shell slam attack. Just at the right moment, Yoshi countered by hopping in his shell hole, and pulled him out his shell on the other side and kicked his ass while Koopinator was naked: [-1 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Grubba: WE HAVE A NEW 1ST PLACER! THE GREEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZALEEEEEEEEES! AND WE HAVE OUR CHAMPION OF YESTERDAY, NOW IN RANK 2!

Koopinator: OH COME ON! KNOW WHAT!? I AM SO KILLING MYSELF!

Yoshi: DO IT BITCH!

Mario: Good. Now we can finally fight the fucking champion already.

A hole smashed through the ceiling with a big buff gorilla like creature with a red tie bursted on to the stage.

Donkey Kong (Age 45): I THINK NOT!

Mario: No... fucking... way!

Yoshi: Wait, who this nigga?

Grubba: WHERE DO ALL THESE PEOPLE KEEP COMING FROM!?

Donkey Kong: IT IS I! DONKEY KONG!

Mario: Yes! I know who you are! Get out of here! You're not even a fucking Paper Mario character!

Donkey Kong: I AM NOW BITCH! AND I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! ON STAGE! THIS WILL BE PAYBACK FOR NOT LETTING ME BE A PAPER MARIO CHARACTER ORIGINALLY!

Mario: What are you, high or something? This honestly sounds like a beef you should probably settle with Miyamoto.

Donkey Kong: I'VE HEARD ENOUGH! I'M GONNA PULL OFF ALL YOUR ASSES AND HANG THEM ON MY WALL TO COMMEMORATE THIS MOMENT!

FLurrie: Mmmmm... I've always wanted my arse to be hung up on some1's wall.

Goombella: Shut up Flurrie!

Mario: How bout I just kick your ass till it falls off and we can put all this shit behind us.

Donkey Kong: FUCK YOU WOP!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 18/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 9/68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Donkey Kong: Power Level 175

Battle Music: _DK Rap by Nintendo_ I guess

[TURN 1]

Mario: Hey! You look like a bad mix of some crazy redneck who tried fucking a donkey, but then got too drunk and accidently raped a tranquilized gorilla in the zoo instead! Your ass smells! Your face smells like your ass! And your dick smells like garbage!

Donkey Kong: FUCK YOU! WE'RE SETTLING THIS RIGHT NOW YOU BUILDING SMASHING, BRUNETTE SNATCHING MOTHER FUCKER!

Mario: That was 23 years ago! I thought we were over this after the 1st Mario Kart!

Donkey Kong: Me not being in Paper Mario brought back some bad memories! Memories of YOU, FUCKING MY WIFE, AND CUCKING ME WHILE I WAS CRIPPLED!

Mario: Fine. Goombella, for 1ce! Do an actually necessary tattle on this guy.

Goombella: Holy shit! The 4th Mario character I've ever met! Lets see... Uh oh. It doesn't look like Donkey Kong is on the tattle log. But from what I suspect, his stats are 35 - 5 - 0. Meaning 35 in HP, 3.5 in Attack, and 0 in Defense. So he has a power level of 122.5. Rounding up would be 123 of course. His attacks maybe a bit unpredictable so keep an eye out.

Yoshi uses ground pound on DK aka, Donkey Kong: [5 Damage]

Mario uses charge to raise his power level to 24/100.

Donkey Kong uses his up B move from Smash Bros. He moved like a BayBlade smacking Mario in the face 5 times puttin him in peril: [5 Damage]

Mario: Hehehehehe... I hope you realize that you just made me much stronger than ever before right?

Donkey Kong: Thats not how it works! When you're hurt, you get weaker!

Mario: You and what logic, you beastiality after birth freak!

[TURN 2]

Yoshi does another ground pound blast on DK: [5 Damage]

Donkey Kong: HEY! FUCK YOU YOSHI! IM GONNA RAPE YOU!

Mario: You say that, but all you do is punch people.

Donkey Kong: THATS EXACTLY WHAT RAPE IS!

Mario: I'm... im so confused right now.

Mario uses power bounce on Donkey Kong doing a holy fuck ton of Damage: [23 Damage]

Donkey Kong: You think you're the only specimen that can achieve FP? Well guess again retard. I'm a Gorilla! The pre evolved form of humans! I can use FP better than even you can!

And so, Donkey Kong single handed raped the concept of creationism by using 1 FP by charging up his B button punch like in Smash Bros.

Donkey: You're so ded next turn!

[TURN 3]

Mario: Hold on a second! I got an idea!

Mario snuck into the audience and stole an 8 year old boy's hot dog. So he can eat it. And yes. It was a real hotdog: [10 HP]

Suddenly, the speakers started blasting _Cat Scratch Fever by_ Ted Nugent as the Ghost of the Motor City Bad Boy himself, Ted Nugent spawned on stage with a shotgun and cowboy hat.

Ted Nugent (Age 55): I AM TED NUGENT! AND I AM BACK FROM THE FUCKING DED!

Mario: WHERE THE FUCK DO THESE RANDOM CHARACTERS KEEP COMING FROM!?

Ted Nugent: You see, God didn't want me in heaven, and Satan didn't want me in hell neither! So a war broke out between heaven and hell! So God finally said "Fuck it!" and sent me back to earth as a ghost! Now, I'm pissed!

Donkey Kong: What the fuck is this guy talking about!?

Mario: Jokes on you! Heaven and hell ain't real! You did too many drugs before you fucking overdosed so you thought all that!

Ted Nugent: Then why am I a ghost!?

Mario: Dude, there are like, 3 or 4 different kind of ghosts in this series so far.

Flurrie: I'm 1 of them!

Mario: See what I mean Ted?

Ted Nugent: Shut up! Its yer fault that Wario's phone got smashed by Professor Frankly! I was happy living in his phone, and now you must pay!

Goombella: Wario's phone had a ghost in it? Wow.

Mario: Not just any ghost. The founder of my 2nd least favorite artist right above Coldplay; Ted Nugent.

Ted Nugent: Oh to hell with this!

Ted Nugent cocked his gun.

Ted Nugent: HOW BOUT SOME CAT SCRATCH FEVER FOR ALL OF YOU!

He started shooting some of the animal looking characters on stage due to the old redneck's adrenalin like addiction of hunting animals while having a dumb rock star personality.

Some of the audience members started running off. For some reason, 1 of them decided to masterbate during this shooting which was and will forever be bizarre.

Ted Nugent: AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH YEEEESS YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS! YOU ALLLL DDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

Donkey Kong: Holy shit! This guy is seriously out of control!

1 of Ted's bullet's shot Flurrie directly in the left boob. Luckily, her tit had enough disgusting fat inside of it for the bullet not to be lethal: [10 Damage]

Flurrie: OWW! I JUST CAME!

Goombella: Holy shit! This can't be happening!

Goombella, and the rest of the partners hid under the stage.

Grubba: SECURITIMS! SECURITIMS! GET THIS GUY!

Suddenly, 100 Securitims all started shooting Uncle Ted, but since he is infact a ghost, the bullets just went through his body no problem.

Ted Nugent: HAHAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T FUCKING KILL ME! I'M ALREADY DED! YOUR BULLETS ARE AS USELESS AS THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY!

Mario: DK! I hate suggesting this, but I think we need to team up.

Donkey Kong: Good idea! But how!? Our moves are just going to go right through him!

During this banter, Ted Nugent shot all of the Securitims eliminating that shit.

Ted Nugent: I HAVE UNLIMITED AMMO BITCHES! FROM THE DED!

Mario: I think I have a witty idea of how to weaken him. When I yell out your name, you'll know what to do.

Donkey Kong: Alright… I just hope you know what you're doing.

Mario: Of course it will. Just who the hell do you think I am?

Mario walked up to Ted Nugent without any fear.

Mario: HEY TED! I THINK OBAMA IS THE BEST PRESIDENT WE'VE EVER HAD!

Ted Nugent: WHAT!? OWW! WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE!?

Mario: THE GOVERNMENT IS REGULATING HUNTING AND GUN LAWS IN ALL STATES!

Ted Nugent: OWWW! NOOO! STOP IT! IT HURTS!

The Ghost of Ted Nugent started to crouch down in pain.

Donkey Kong: IT'S WORKING! KEEP GOING!

Mario: ABORTION IS FUCKING AWESOME!

Ted Nugent: AAAAAAAAHHHHH! MY EARS! I HATE YOU!

Mario: THE BLACKS ARE DOING A FANTASTIC JOB WITH MTV!

Ted Nugent: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

Goombella: THAT'S IT! HE'S WEAKENING!

Mario: SOCIETY IS REPLACING THE CONFEDERATE FLAG WITH BIG GAY BUTT FUCKING RAINBOW FLAGS AND EVERY1 IS CHEERING!

Ted Nugent: YOU PIECE OF HIPPY SNOT!

Mario: HILLARY CLINTON IS GOING TO WIN THE NEXT ELECTION!

Ted Nugent: OWW! SUCK MY MACHINE GUN!

Mario: YOU LOOK LIKE BRUCE JENNER'S GRANDMA WHO BATHED IN RICHARD SIMMON'S FLAMING CUM! ALL OF YOUR MUSIC SUCKS AND YOU CAN'T HUNT FOR SHIT! NEXT TIME YOU RESPAWN FROM THE DED, YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FACE, YOU BURNT VICTIM LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!

Ted Nugent: AWW! I'M … SO WEAK NOW!

Mario: NOW'S YOUR CHANCE DK!

Donkey Kong: RIGHT!

Donkey Kong used his standard B Smash Bros move on Ted Nugent punching him into the Ded Zone where he can have some sloppy gay non-cannon sex with Garlic Jr.: [25 Damage]

Ted Nugent: I'LL BE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Yoshi: Wait. The battle's ova?

Donkey Kong: Yeah... It's over. Mario! That was most excellent team work!

Mario: Yeah it was. So what? Are we continuing our fight or what?

Donkey Kong: ...mmmm... Nah. I don't really want to. We'll fight another day. I'm gonna go back to my island and rape some helpless animals till they cough up their lunch money!

Mario: Uhhh…. You go do that. I think we're just gonna go back to our locker room and prep for our next battle.

Donkey Kong: Alright. Cool! Sounds good! Great seeing you again!

Mario: Indeed so! You take care now! Now come on team, grab Koops and lets go!

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

HEY! ARE YOU A LOSER? FEELING BORED? LOSING REASONS TO LIVE IN THE WORLD? NO CHANCE TO ACHIEVE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS? SAD THAT YOUR FAVORITE SHOW GOT CANCELLED? DID YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER LEAVE YOU TO DATE A FUCKING MIME? WELP, INTRODUCING, KILLING YOURSELF! YES! WITH KILLING YOURSELF, YOU WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANYMORE OF THAT CRAP! YOU WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANOTHER DAY AT WORK, YOU WONT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANY MORE SEX WITH YOUR GROSS SPOUSE, AND NO LONGER WILL YOU HAVE TO EVER RISK HEARING COLDPLAY AT A RANDOM STORE EVER AGAIN! KILLING YOURSELF! IT'S FREE! SCREW FAMILY AND LOVED 1S! YOUR DED! AND THEY CAN ALL GO SUCK IT! SHOOT YOURSELF OUT OF A CANNON WHY DONHCA! YOU CAN KILL YOURSELF IN ALL KINDS OF COLORFUL WAYS! HANG YOURSELF! OVERDOSE ON PILLS ON THE TOILET! WATCH JOHNNY TEST! JUMP OFF A BUILDING LIKE A BOSS! YOU CAN EVEN BE LIKE KURT COBAIN AND TAKE A SHOTGUN RIGHT TO THE FUCKING FACE! KILLING YOURSELF! IT'S FUN AND IT'S FREE! TRY IT NOW!

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

**Chapture 4 - 18: The Championship?**

Jolene: Here is you prize money Mr. Gonzales. Congratulations, you are now in rank 1!

Jolene handed Mario 15 coins.

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must-

Mario: Yeah yeah! We heard you the 1st 18 times!

Jolene: ...

Jolene casually left to do more business than ever before.

Koops: Hey guys! I'm feeling a little better now. Still pretty *coughs blood* fucked up though. But man! I'm excited to *coughs more blood up* win the championship. 1ce we do that, I'm thinking about getting back into Club Penguin.

Goombella: You really play club penguin? How old are you?

Koops: 18. So what? LIke, did we not have a conversation about Adventure Time a chapture ago?

Goombella: ...

Mario's phone started ringing 1ce more.

Mario: Oh come on! We have a championship round to worry about!

Koops: Oh gosh! Your phone's doing the thing again! I'm super nervous!

aNoNyMoUs: 83|=0|?3 '/0|_||? /\/\47(#, 60 70 7#3 1088'/ 4/\/|) |?3/\/\0\/3 7#3 6|?347 60/\/24135 |20573|?5.

Koops: It says, before your match, go to the lobby and remove the Great Gonzales posters. This form of leet is really mixed up and awkward to me if I can be honest.

Yoshi: We had posters!?

Mario: Wait, why!? Why take down posters of me? Like, what the fuck will that accomplish?

Goombella: Who knows. Maybe it has some relevance.

Mario: I just don't see how in the fuck it's relevant to anything doing that.

Flurrie: Maybe we'll find out 1ce we do it...

Mario: Fine. Fuck it. Lets all go to the lobby!

Meanwhile, in the big ass lobby.

Koops: Let's all go to the Lobby! Lets all go to the Lobby! Lets all go to the Lobby! To get ourselves a treat!

Mario: Why are you singing that of all songs?

Koops: I don't know. I think you referenced it not too long ago I guess.

Mario: Well, can we just get this shit over with? It's bad enough I have to swallow my pride and do this Mario poster tearing shit. Oh well. I have enough ego stroking merchandise anyway.

Flurrie: I can make the process ever so quick Mario!

Yoshi: You can? How?

Flurrie: Watch this.

Flurrie floated high up and started to bend over and wiggle her tushie.

Goombella: OH GOD NO!

Flurrie: HERE I GO!

Flurrie then proceeded in the action that is farting a powerful gust of wind making all of the posters, and the audience members inside the lobby fly all over the place like a shaken up snow globe.

Goombella: AAAAAAAHHH!1

Mario: GOD DAMNIT FLURRIE!

Yoshi: FUCK ASS BITCH!

Koops: I'M GONNA DIE!

The non farting Team M members had to grab onto anything they can in order to survive and not get blown into some wall and get splattered like half of the audience that got heavily injured from that. Luckily when any1 enters Glitzville, they pretty much sign their lives away. If they weren't unconscious, they were too dizzy to yell at Flurrie.

Flurrie: I'm done my dearies...

Goombella: YEAH! I CAN SEE THAT!

Yoshi: Damn! She sure got them ass blastin powers that can kill our asses!

Mario: I saw a porn 1ce where she actually did kill some1 by doing that. Actually it was a snuff film. And yes. Yes I do get off to those. Any questions?

Yoshi: Yei. What's porn? And a snuff films?

Mario: Welp, sit down with me on the stairs.

Yoshi sat down next to Mario.

Mario: So… Porn is a kind of movie where-

Koops: GUYS!

Mario: GOD DAMNIT KOOPS! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!

Koops: I found another key under where 1 of the posters were! We're saved! YAAAY!

Mario's phone rang up another message.

Mario: I swear. Whoever's messaging me must be watching us through tiny holes in the walls. That's the kind of shit I did back in middle school during shower time.

Goombella: Lets…. see what it is now.

aNoNyMoUs: 60 70 7#3 #!|)|)3/\/ |)00|? !/\/ 7#47 53(0/\/|) |=100|? !/\/ 7#3 570|?463 |?00/\/\\.

Goombella: It says to Go to the hidden door in that second floor in the storage room.

Mario: That doesn't make any sense. Why can't this stupid pussy just show himself and just tell us where to get the star rather than having us do these stupid shit obstacles?

Another message came up.

Koops: My turn!

aNoNyMoUs: 60 |=|_|(| '/0|_||?531|=.

Koops: Go fuck yourself….. Huh.

Goombella: Okay! Now this is getting really fucking strange!

Mario: Before we do that. Wanna get some items or something? We haven't stalked up in a while.

Later, Team M took a minor detour to Suspicious Souvenirs to buy some super shrooms, an item swap, 2 Earth LSDs, 2 Lightning Blottos, and 2 bottles of Hawaiian Power Punch.

[Inventory: 3 Super Shrooms, 2 Lightning Blottos, 2 Earth Acids, 2 Power Hawaiian Punch, and 1 item swap.]

By the way, at this point, it's night time if that's at all important to you.

They then snuck their way back up into the storage room while another team of Securitims were regenerating due to the recent shooting of the crazy right winged Ted Nugent ghost guy. So it was easy to sneak back in again. They opened the door and climbed their way up some wooden ass boxes where Koops got a pretty bad splinter that dug deep under his bloody nail that he can't get out cause it'd be too painful.

A big ass block with painted on eyes appeared before them blocking the way.

Mario: That's it? That's what the person wanted us to find? A fucking block!?

Yoshi: Yei! Dat is some bullshit right there!

Goombella: I think we gotta smash it.

Koops: Guys. What do I do about my finger? It has a splinter in it.

Mario: Right. Of course we gotta smash it

Just as Mario smashed the big ass block, they found King K, and Bandy Andy who were practically squashed under it since they disappeared!

King K: Ay yo... *coughs blood* I think i'm dyin in here.

Bandy Andy: Shut up nigga... I'm dying...

King K: You shut up punk, i'm the screw ball whose dyin.

Bandy Andy: How bout I kick your ass. Who ever *coughs more blood* wins...gets to die 1st.

Mario: I can stomp on both your faces now and you'd both be ded.

Goombella: Holy shit! Guys! What happened?

King K: We dont... we dont... remember...

Bandy Andy: Man... all I remember is... what do I remember again?... Oh yeah... I remember going into the Glory Hole when no 1 was inside.

Mario: And?

Bandy Andy: God damn... I hate when you dip shits ask me shit like that...

Koops: Guys! What do I do about my finger guys?

King K: Thats all we remember... It almost like we got drugged or something.

Bandy Andy: We got drugged? ... *coughs some blood* awesome.

Yoshi: The fuck you say? So none yall motha fuckas know how this shit happened?

King K: Not 1 bit you dig? All I remember... is some buffy spiky orange fool beating us senseless. This bozo be more buff than Rawk Hawk. He was so buff….. he was so buff like….. , it was concerning. I wish I remember more than that, but we *coughs some blood* don't.

Mario: That's great. Sooooo... Can I still stomp on your faces?

Goombella: What? No. That's not necessary!

Bandy Andy: Do it bitch! Smash our shit!

Yoshi: Can I do it!? I was born today, and I've already always wanted to kill some mother fucker.

King K: Great... parenting.

Goombella: ... Maybe we should help them.

Mario: Are you kidding? If either Jolene, or Grubba found out we're involved in this shit, we'd be so screwed. We're best leaving them behind.

Koops: I'm worried that my finger is about to get infected guys.

Flurrie: Maybe if I just sex them back to life, we'll have no burdens on our hands.

Goombella: Your fucking crazy Flurrie. I hate saying this, but I think Mario might be right. Let's just get out of here and finish this last match. If they're still alive, we'll see what we can do about them after we get the star.

Yoshi: Man, then what was the point of coming up in this room then?

Goombella: I dont fucking know.

They then made it out of the storage room no problem. Except for the Securitim that suddenly caught them.

Securitim: Sup.

Mario: What the fuck? I thought you died?

Securitim: No man. I was the last Securitim to survive.

Goombella: Uhh... Please don't rat us out. We were just uhh... we were just looking for a bathroom that wasn't clogged.

Flurrie: *Ahem*

Goombella: ... A REAL bathroom!

Securim: No worries guys. Now let's just escort you all to your big match.

Koops was sucking his thumb trying to get the splinter out.

Securitim: Oh. Rawk Hawk took care of all that. When you're the Champion, there's no 1 higher than you in ranks. So reserving a match in his case, would only lead to you guys as his only opponents.

Mario: Well thats cool. I'm excited about getting his ass sodomized on stage then.

Flurrie: Oh Boy!

Securitim: Right... Now come with me. I'm gonna take you to a special room where you guy's will have the championship instead.

Yoshi: Whatchu talkin bout bitch?

Securitim: Just come with me.

Mario: That's cool. I'm happy kicking ass anywhere.

Securitim: Alright here we are.

The Securitim led the spacey team into the blue minor league locker room. It was just like the red 1, but not as smelly. And no 1 was inside.

Yoshi: Maaaan I don't know about chu all, but I got a bad feeling bout this shit.

Securitim: Stay here while I go get Rawk Hawk.

The Securitim quickly closed the door and in the speed of sound, he pulled out a bunch of 2 x 4s out of nowhere, and nailed them onto the door shut like a Looney Tune's antagonist trying to seal a door shut.

Mario: He... just sealed the door shut on us didn't he?

Securtim: Hehehehehehe HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAH HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Goombella: Is that laughing?

The Securitim pulled his head off and under the Securitim that turned out to be a carcass, was Rawk Hawk inside the flesh of the Securtim in disguise.

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR! MY PLAN WORKED PERFECTLY! NOW TO GO BACK TO THE GLORY HOLE, AND WAIT FOR THOSE HOMOS TO NEVER COME OUT OF THE DOOR! AND THEN I CAN WIN THE MATCH ALL ON MY OWN! HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!

Mario: WE CAN HEAR YOU RAWK HAWK! NOW OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR IF YOU VALUE YOUR PATHETIC LIFE!

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! NICE TRY DICK SUCKERS! YOU ALL JUST GOT RAWK LAWKED! LAWKED IN THAT DOOR! HAVE FUN WITH YOUR GAY SEX! HAR HAR! RAWK HAWK OUT!

Mario: YOU FUCKING MACHO PUSSY!

The dastardly Conery ran to the Glory Hole pretending like he didn't lock their asses in the minor league locker room.

Grubba: POSSESSORS OF ALL KINDS OF FREAKY GENITALIA, THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME! OUR MATCH WITH OUR 2 MOST GREATEST FIGHTERS EVERSH IS ABOUT TO COMMENCE! WE HAVE THE GOLDEN GRIFFON! THE GLADIATOR OF THE GLORY HOLE! THE NUCLEAR ASSAULTER HIMSELF! PLEASE WELCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *panting* COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, RAWK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!

The crowd was totally segregated between Rawk Hawk fans, and Gonzales / Mario fans. The Rawk Hawk fans started to have a morbid spaz attack as the speakers blasted _Walk by Pantera_ as the douchey very hateable Rawk Hawk walked on stage with his cheesy champion's belt while pumping his fists up while stomping his feet on tempo to the song possibly ruining Pantera for alot of people reading this. Random audience member shouted things like "RAWK HIS ASS", and "GO RAWKA FLAWKA!" Alot of these fans glued yellow feathers on their bodies to express the over hyped fandom in which they possess.

Rawk Hawk: SHOW ME THEM TAR-TARS! (that means titties, but stupid sounding...)

All of the Rawk Hawk fans male and female lifted up their shirts exposing their chest areas.

Rawk Hawk: EWW! NOT THE GUYS! GIRLS ONLY! THATS JUST PURE GAY WHEN GUYS DO IT BRO!

Grubba: SO, LETS RAWK TAWK FOR A SECOND HERE! TELL THESE FANS HOW YOU THINK THIS MATCH IS GOING TO GO OUT TONIGHT!

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! GONZALES IS A TOTAL WUZZ! HE WAS ALL LIKE, BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK! YOU KNOW!? LIKE A CHICKEN! A GAY 1! HE'S PROBABLY FUCKING THE GAY SAWKS OFF OF HIS GAY TEAMMATES IN THE MINOR LEAGUE LAWKER ROO- I MEEEEEAN! HE'S JUST HAVING REGULAR GAY SEX! LIKE UHHH... LIKE A GAY LORD!

Grubba: BUT HOW CAN THAT BE? HE WHOOPED ALL OF THE OTHER FIGHTERS IN RECORD SPEED! HE DID IT FASTER THEN YOU'R 1 WEEK RECORD IN 9 HOURS! SOOO... WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT?!

Rawk Hawk grabbed the microphone and held it up to his buttcheecks and sharted... I mean, farted really loudly causing a seismic laugh track louder than any laugh track even on Seinfeld happened.

Rawk Hawk: THATS WHAT I THINK OF HIM! AND B. , JUST BECAUSE THAT FART CAME OUT OF MY ASS, DOES NOT MEAN I AM GAY! CAUSE YOU KNOW, IT WASN'T A DICK OR NOTHIN! NOW SHUT UP SO THE AUDIENCE CAN STARE AT MY SUBLIME GLORYNESS!

Grubba: HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A SPECIAL KIND OF FIRE ABREWIN HERE! FOR THE REST OF YOU GLORY HOLE GUYS AND GALS, WE HAVE THE KILLING MACHINE, THE HELLBENDER! UNMATCHED BY HEAVEN AND EARTH, THE GOD SLAYER HIMSELF! THE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT GONZAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

The camera panned to the door where they would normally pop out of... but didn't... If you wanna know why they haven't shown up, then scroll up a few pages and find out stupid!

Grubba: GONZALES!

Still no door open.

Grubba: Uhh... Gonzales?

Still yet no door open.

Grubba: WHAT A WEASEL! WHAT THE HELL IS TAKIN HIM SO LONG!?

Rawk Hawk: WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU DISQUALIFY HIS GAY ASS WHEN- I MEAN, IF HE DONT SHOW UP!?

Grubba: Hmmm... LET'S GIVE HIM 5 MINUTES! WHAT DO YOU SAY AUDIENCE?!

Half of the audience cheered to this idea since you know, it's kind of worth the wait for most of the Gonzales fans.

Meanwhile back in the dark locker room,

Mario kept trying to slam the door opened on the other side.

Mario: DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! BULL SHIT!

Goombella: You're not going to open the door by slamming into it a this rate.

Mario: Fine... Your right.

Mario calmly grabbed Goombella with another plan of his own.

Goombella: HEY!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ME!?

Mario: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Mario tried to use Goombella as a log to slam the door opened. Also unsuccessful.

Goombella: OWW!

Mario: Damnit! Flurrie! Your turn!

Flurrie also tried slamming herself into the door. This also failed. Although, she did enjoy that experience oddly enough.

Koops: Guys! I got the splinter out! But I think I swallowed it while trying to suck it out of my thumb!

Mario: Good for you. Now stop being lazy and FUCKING GET US OUT OF HERE!

Koops: Well uhh...

Yoshi: AY Look! I found this peach poster!

Mario: Why does that matter right now!? We're trying to get the fuck out of here before we get disqualified!

Yoshi: I know. While you guyses is figurin dat shit out, i'm just gonna be playin around! Like, look, i'm touchin' her vajayjay! I'm touch her va- WHAT THE FUCK!?

Yoshi poked his figure through the vadgelly area of Peach in the poster. It led to a hole reaching to the bathroom.

Goombella: Is that some kind of path way out of here!?

Mario: Yoshi! Rip that shit up!

Yoshi: Dayamn. Fo real? Welp. Aight.

Yoshi tore the poster up unveiling the bathroom and all it's fine glory!

Koops: Look! There it is! The bathroom!

Flurrie: Hooray!

Koops and Flurrie grabbed hands and started bouncing together in joy.

Goombella: What the hell will a bathroom do? We're still locked in here you know!

Mario: Well... Not necessarily. You see, this bathroom clearly has a toilet. Which works as a warp pipe. So you know what that means?

Goombella: Well wait... hold on a second. None of us can fit through the toilet. That would just be silly.

Mario: I used to be a fucking plumber. I think I know how to work my way around a toilet or 2.

Flurrie: Ooooo... I like the sound of that.

Koops: Uhh... Weren't you saying Nintendo abducted you to be 1 of their characters? How can you be a plumber while you were also a video game icon?

Mario: I'm a Nintendo character who is supposed to be a plumber. But then I get fired from the plumbing job!

Koops: Oh yeah! Like how I used to work as a McDonald's employee!

Mario: Yes Koops... Like how you used to be a- NOW COME ON! WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO CONVERSATE! LETS GO!

Mario suddenly got another email.

Goombella: It's from... Petuni, the Puni from the Great Tree of Might?

_Yoo Hoo! Hai Mario remember me? xD I'm the Puni with the pink bulb from the Great Tree of Might! How are you? ;) I'm uhh... Bad. No, VERY bad! No! FUCKING TERRIBLE! :( Yeah... Bad news but liek, some time after when you guy's left, the tree just so happened to have gone up in flames. -.- So now we don't have a tree anymore. Wierd right!? :/ We've been spending alot of time looking for what could have caused it, but who knows right!? Now we all have to sleep in a burnt hole that used to be our tree... D:. But anyway, you should totally come back and play some more Stump Petuni with me some time! It's alot funner now! I promise! XD!i1! So! You must be going to fun pretty cool places I bet! I'm so jelly :O. You should take me with 1 of these days. I hope it won't be too awkward with me being 11 and you like, 40 or something. Welp. I gotta go hunt for more food out in the Boggly Woods, so ttyl! Bai!_

\- Petuni

Flurrie: Awww... How shweet.

Yoshi: Who dat?

Koops: Wowzers. Seems like she's doing pretty well and stuff!

Goombella: Her house got burnt down dude! I highly doubt it. I wonder who caused it? Maybe it was Robotnik!

Mario: Guys! This is all the time we could have spent making it to the Glory Hole so we won't get disqualified! LETS GO RETARDS!

Mario hopped down through the toilet.

Goombella: And how are we suppose to follow you in there?

Mario impatiently grabbed his team mates pulling then in through the warp pipe as well

On the other side of this, it led to the Blue Major League bathroom where the door was not locked from the outside. Unfortunately for team M, a horrible sight awaited them as a BIG ASS pile of all of the remaining living Glitzville fighters were all having a massive gay sex orgy in the bathroom. There was sweat, semen, and shame everywhere on every filthy corner. It was just so sloppy, smelly, and full of visually unpleasant friction as most of the fighters were getting anally plunged.

Mario: Ok good. We made it ou- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?

Master Crash: HI GONZALES! YOU WANT IN ON THIS BOMBING ORGY!?

Cleftor: It's a secret ritual we every day while Rawk Hawk is having a big fight! Don't tell Grubba or any of them!

Chain Chomp 1: ARF ARF!

Goombella: OH MY GOD! IT SMELLS! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Koops: OH THE HUMANITY! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Yoshi: AWW THATS NASTAY! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Mario: YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Mario: **That is 3 out of 6 things I wish I could unsee.**

Koops: Say. Why do you say it like that?

Mario: I have to! It's that fucked up!

Flurrie: Oh you guys are all just being sooo irrash right now... I'm just sad that I'm too woman to enjoy such a spectacular gallery of this chronic dickin.

Goombella: SAIS THE OBVIOUS GROSS PORN STAR! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Yoshi: CAN WE PLEASE GET OUR BLACK ASSES OUT OF HERE!? BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Goombella: SOUNDS GOOD! I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE PUKING FOR ANOTHER MINUTE! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Papa Baton Noir: Ayyy Gonzales do you want in on this jaggtastic pile we got her? It be of all kind of wet sloppyness like catchin some special kind of tuna up in these waters we got going on all over here! I be giving all these widdledannies some of them Louisiana Buttpunches I'd give to some of em boy scouts travelin up the swamps!

Mario: Fuck you asshole! We're trying to make it to our match on time.

Red Majikoopa: LOOK AT ME, I'M MASTERBATING WHILE I'M GETTING ASS FUCKED!

Koops: How are we suppost to get out of here?!

Mario: Guys... We actually... have to climb... over this gay sex mountain!

Goombella: Are you serious!? Fuck that! Just chuck me over! Thats WAY more redeeming!

Mario: Fine!

Mario chucked Goombella over the orgy mountain in which they were trying to get around. Flurrie then carried Mario and Koops while Yoshi was placed between her nasty breasts.

Goombella: That hurt! But at least we made it! Now lets hurry! We don't have much time left!

Flurrie: You guys go ahead! I must tend to this... *sniff* no... I can't... The perfect amount of penis is just … too sublime, I mussent allow my fowl clam to devour the magnificent festival of sausage before my eyes!

Mario: Great... Now come on!

Master Crash: BIYA MARIO! OUCH! MY BOMBING BUTT!

Just as the team was about to burst through the door,

Koops: Hey guys! Before we go in, wanna hear my favorite joke?

Every1 else: NO!

Koops: Oh ok.

Mario: Alright guys. There's only 2 words I care about right now; Kick, and Ass. That's all you'll need to remember for this match right now. NOW LETS DO IT!

**Chapture 4 - 19: BAWK BLAWK CAWK CLAWK CRAWK DAWK FAWK FLAWK GLAWK HAWK JAWK KAWK KNAWK LAWK MAWK RAWK SAWK STAWK TAWK WAWK uhh... I ran out.**

Grubba: LOOKS LIKE THEY ONLY HAVE 10 SECONDS TILL THEY SHOW UP. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO LETS SEE... NOW WE GOT 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

The big ass doors suddenly slammed open with Mario and all of his team mates behind him. The Speakers Blasted the next track on the Dethalbum 1; _Dethharmonic by Dethklok._

Mario: NOT SO FUCKING FAST!

Rawk Hawk: WHAT THE FAWK!?

Grubba: WELL HOW BOUT THAT! PEOPLE OF ALL 100,000,000 OF TODAY'S MADE UP GENDERS! HERE WE HAVE THEM! THE GREAT GONZALES AND HIS SCUM FUCKS!

All of the Gonzales/ Mario fans started cheering and not beating eachother up for 1ce as the Team of Degenerates walked up on stage.

Mario: Liston here Cawk Knawker! You think you can win by locking us in a locker room!? Well guess what? Even if your plan worked, I would have just registered for another match soon after to kick your ass inevitably! You stupid fucking Conery mother fucker!

Yoshi: He ain't no conery nigga! He a damn turkey!

Rawk Hawk: OH PLEASE! I DIDN'T DO SHIT! YOU JUST WANTED TO HAVE GAY SEX IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH ALL THE OTHER FIGHTERS YOU GAY LORD!

Flurrie: Well! Sometimes we can't always get what we want you know!

Mario: Stop it Flurrie! They penalize people for seeming gay!

Grubba: WHAT!? IS THIS TRUE GONZALES!?

Mario: FUCK NO! RAWK HAWK JUST IMAGINED ALL OF THAT BECAUSE ALL HE EVER DOES IS ASSUME THAT PEOPLE HAVE GAY SEX! WANNA KNOW WHY!? BECAUSE GAY SEX IS ALL HE THINKS ABOUT BECAUSE IT TURNS HIM ON!

The audience suddenly started booing at Rawk Hawk.

Rawk Hawk: WHAT!? HEHEHE *starts to sweat* NO! NOT TRUE! HE JUST WISHES I WAS GAY! THE ONLY THING I HAVE IN MY HEAD GOING ON, IS A BRAIN TUMOR THAT MAKES ME THINK I'M JOHN CENA!

Mario: CORRECTION, YOU WISH THAT I WISH THAT YOU WISH THAT I'M GAY!

Rawk Hawk: NUH UH MAN! THEN HOW COME IM SUCH A GOOD FIGHTER!?

Mario: HERES WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOUR FIGHTING CAREER!

Mario raised his right arm fisting in the air as he bent over and pulled down his overalls to moon Rawk Hawk. Along with this, all of the audience members that worshipped Gonzales/ Mario on Mario's end also mooned Rawk Hawk epically in unison with Mario

Rawk Hawk: HEY! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS YOU FUCKING HOMO!?

Rawk Hawk noticed he had a small boner popping out of his speedo that he had to immediately and awkwardly cover by crossing his legs.

Rawk Hawk: OOOOO MAN! WELP! IF YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME, YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!

Mario: Enough talk! It's time for me to transform!

Mario bit off a metal part of his glove, which turned out to be part of a Goku Uniform from Kill La Kill Mario had been secretly wearing that was stylized to his liking just for this moment.

_Don't Lose your Way by The Xcellence_ started blasting as a fanservicey montage of Mario started to commence in the EXACT same way that happens to Ryuko in Kill La Kill. I shit you not. It would have been sexy if this wasn't fucking Mario doing this.

1st his man boobs locked in,

Then his ass,

Then his crotch at that angle where you can see his hairy poorly cleaned butt from the front anyway.

Koops: OH GOD! WHY!? BLEEEEERG!

Seriously, you have to watch this transition in the anime to know exactly what I'm talking about.

Mario's transformation was finally complete following Mario giving Rawk Hawk an epic pissed off stare.

Rawk Hawk: OWW! MY CAWK HURTS FROM NOT HAVING A WICKED BONER!

Mario: Let's just end this...

**[BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 33/75

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 5/68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 6/10

V.S.

Rawk Hawk: Power Level 120

Battle Music: _Hellion/ Electric Eye by Judas Priest_

[TURN 1]

Rawk Hawk had his arms folded in an awkward position for this scene. You know which scene I'm talking about in the game.

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR HAR AHR AHR AHR! YOU DOOFUSES SHOULD HAVE STAYED LAWKED IN THE LAWKER ROOM AND ENJOYED THE GAY SEX! TOO BAD. NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO RAWK YOUR SAWKS OFF!

Goombella: My god. This guy is so annoying. Lets just fry his ass and then feed his ass to the poor or something.

Rawk Hawk: DON'T BE SO SURE THAT YOUR GONNA WIN, GET IT? CAUSE YOU WON'T YOU GAY PORN STAR LOOKING SISSY! HAR HAR HAR

Mario: Oh Hardy har har... You look like a failed attempt at an arts and crafts project made by a 9 year old with down syndrome who looks up to Hulk Hogan and Big Bird from Sesame Street! You reek of compensation disorder, and shame from your abusive father that accidently turned you into an autist from beating you with a bat too hard!

Rawk Hawk: OH YOU ARE SO DED BRUTHUH!

Goombella uses tattle: This is Rawk Hawk. Hes got a power level of 120. Now don't let that fool you. Hes got absolutely no defense, and his moves are about as strong as yours. He does have a sheer talent for aerial dynamics cause you know, he is a fucking bird after all!

Mario: Say it ain't so...

Mario uses hammer smash!

A kid suddenly pointed a laser pointer at Mario's eye defocusing his attack.

Mario: MY EYE!

Rawk Hawk: RAWK BLAWK!

Rawk Hawk Some how blawked the attack!

Rawk Hawk: YOUR MOVES ARE LIKE BUTTER! I CUT RIGHT THROUGH THEM!

Mario: ..wh- What?

Rawk Hawk: RAWK KNAWK!

Rawk Hawk did a Sonic the Hedgehog homing attack and assaulted Goombella and Mario in that order: [4 Damage]

Mario: OUCH! HIS MOVES ARE SO CHEESEY!

Yoshi: Dayamn! He fast in dat air!

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! FEAR ME NOW?

Mario: No. No I do not. The 1st round is always a test round for me.

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses multi bonk on Rawk Hawk: [8 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OUCH, FOR A GIRL, YOU SURE FIGHT LIKE A DYKE!

Goombella: YOU HAVE A 0 IQ!

Mario uses

Mario: FOR FUCK SAKES! WHO THE FUCK KEEP POINTING THAT LASER AT MY EYE!

Yoshi: Dat kid over there! Want me to kick his ass in!?

Mario: Nah! I got this. Give me a second.

Mario quickly ran over to beat the crap out of a little kid with the laser pointer he got from Walmart. Mario then shoved it up the kid's ass in a non pedophillic way.

Mario uses Power Smash on the Hawk with the big ... tawk, but small cawk: [6 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: HAY! I'M JUST GETTING WARMED UP MYSELF YOU HOOLAGINS! GET READY TO FEEL THE RAWK LAWK! LIKE A PAIN LIKE THIS!

Rawk Hawk briefly hovered in the air.

Rawk Hawk: PREPARE TO GET MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWKED!

Rawk Hawk in the air charged into Goombella dealing her a critical: [6 Damage]

Goombella: Jeez! Looks like this guy was holding back too!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses double head bonk blast on Rawk Hawk: [6 Damage]

Rawk: YOU CARPET MUNCHING LESBO! YOUR A GIRL! WHICH MEANS YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE A FAGGOTY GAY PERSON FOR LIKING PENIS! WHICH IS WORSE THAN A GAY IN MY RAWK BAWK! I MEAN... BOOK! HAR HAR HAR!

Koops: Whoa! Her base attack is stronger than all of ours!

Yoshi: Yei! Like, the fuck!?

Flurrie: I wish my milk mash attack was that strong...

Goombella: Mario! His power level has dropped by a half so far! You got this!

Rawk Hawk: OH YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT!

Mario smoked a lightning blotto zapping Rawk Hawk right in the face: [5 Damage]

Mario: This is almost as good as fire weed!

Rawk Hawk: MAAAAN I SHOULD HAVE RAWKED YOU IN A MEAT LAWKER WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE! I WAS THE ULTIMATE JAWK IN HIGHSCHOOL! AND I INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!

Mario: STOP SAYING THINGS THAT RHYME WITH "AWK" YOU RETARDED CONERY!

Rawk Hawk: YOU WANT RETARDED? I'LL GIVE YOU RETARDED! FEAR THIS!

Rawk Hawk started bouncing on the ground like a pissed off toddler who didn't get to dress up as a pink power ranger for halloween. Suddenly, a big metal bar started to lower from the ceiling. When it got lowered just enough, Rawk Hawk did a super jump, and grabbed onto the giant bar.

Rawk Hawk: FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS FAWKING ULTIMATE RAWKIN MOVE! PREPARE TO GET RAWK GLAWKED!

Rawk Hawk started shaking it with his mighty arms, and suddenly, random some what sharp metal objects started falling and started landing on every1 and I mean every1. They all felt damage between 1 and 10 except for Koops who was fortunate enough to have a shell to hide in. [4 Damage on Mario (Danger)], [7 Damage on Goombella (Danger)], [4 Damage on Flurrie (Peril)], and [6 Damage on Yoshi (Danger)]

Rawk Hawk: YOU JUST GOT THE RAWK SMACK DOWN!

Mario: STOP CHANGING THE NAMES OF YOUR MOVES!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Okay. Hehe. So now we're using our best moves? *Spits blood out* Alright. **WRATH** STAR!

Battle Music: _The Armorist by Overkill_

Mario: LETS GO FUCK FACE!

Mario raised up the Star of **Wrath **and it immediately started to glow and grow and shit.

Rawk Hawk: WHAT!? A SILVER CHAMP BELT! STAR? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!? FROM BEING IN 2ND PLACE ALL YOUR LIFE!?

Mario: EVERY1! GET ON!

Mario, and all of his partners hopped on the dedly star. Soon enough, it conjured a massive earthquake in the Glory Hole causing Rawk Hawk to fall land right on his tailbone/ ass area. I had something like this happen to me 1ce. It's NOT fun! [6 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OWW! MY BUTT! THAT HURT MY BUTT! YOU'LL WILL SUFFER FOR THAT GONZALES!

Goombella uses another double jump attack giving Rawk Hawk the same amount of damage Mario did with the star. Weird huh?: [6 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR! YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH! YOU THINK YOU'LL WIN? WELL GUESS WHAT!? YOUR PRETTY HEAVILY DAMAGED TOO! 1 HIT AND YOU'RE OUT! GET READY FOR 1 MORE RAWK LAWK FOR ALL THE LADIES OUT THERE!

Rawk Hawk: ALRIGHT LADES AND DJENTS! CHECK YOUR WATCHES AND TELL ME WHAT TIME IT IS!?

Audience: JUST DO THE FUCKING MOVE ALREADY!

Rawk Hawk: OH COME ON!? OH FINE! I'LL DO IT!

Rawk Hawk repeated his move where he hovers in the air and charges at Mario.

Goombella: OH NO! LOOK OUT MARIO!

Rawk Hawk: PREPARE TO GET ROYALLY RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWKED!

Mario: BIG MISTAKE!

Mario just at the right millisecond, elbow bashed the fuck out of Rawk Hawk cracking his beak making it all bloody and shit: [-1 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OOOOOWWWW! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH! MY FAWKING BEAK FEELS LIKE IT'S ON FIRE IT'S BLEEDING SO BAD! AWW! I THINK YOU CRACKED IT YOU HOMO!

[TURN 5]

Mario: HAHAHA! THIS IS IT!

Mario intensely ripped off his own mustache ignoring the sheer pain it had on his upper lip. He held up his mustache with his arm out which transformed and grew into a huge sharp black Mario mustache shaped metal boomerang. Imagine an intense Gainax anime moment right here.

Mario: FINISHING MOVE!

MARIO: SUPER MARIO! BOOMERANG!

Rawk Hawk: UH UH UH UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario chucked the powerful metal mustache boomerang at Rawk Hawk which slashed through him without cutting him in half like in Smash bros. This knawked him almost out cold: [10 Damage]

The Metal Mustache landed back into Mario's upper lip majically turning back into his regular mustache some how.

Mario leveled up to level 11 raising his HP to 30 bringing his Power Level up to 90!

**[END OF THE FAWKING BATTLE]**

Rawk Hawk: NOOOO! I... I LOST! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! LOOKS LIKE GRANDPAPPY WAS RIGHT! I'M ONLY GOOD FOR BUTT RAPE!

Goombella: Wow! How did you do that last move?

Mario: No idea. All I know is this. You owe me 1,000,000 coins!

Goombella: For beating Rawk Hawk? Dude, I never even agreed to that bet.

Mario: Fuck... You actually remembered correctly.

Grubba: HOLY SMOKES! TALK ABOUT A FINISHING MOVE RIGHT THERE! SO THERE WE HAVE IT! THE RAW POWER OF STEAL! THE ASS BLASTER! THE MAN WITH THE PLAN! THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND! THE HISTORY BOOK MAKER HIMSELF! I REALLY HAVE TO STOP CHANTING THESE CHEESY NAMES OUT LOUD! LADES AND BABES! OUR NEW GLORY HOLE CHAMPION EVERYBODY! THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Grubba: *Panting* Oh my god... That almost gave me a heart attack...

_We are the Champions by Queen_ started blasting

Mario's partners all started to dance around him and picked him up in joy and celebration!

Goombella: WE DID IT MARIO! WE ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT!

Koops: YAAAAY! WE WON WE WON!

Yoshi: YOU THE BADDEST MOTHA FUCKA I KNOW!

Flurrie: I FLURRIE WANT TO PARTAKE IN RAPE WITH YOU SOOO BAD!

Mario: Yeah yeah... now we can focus on figuring out where the real dedly fucking star is now.

Grubba: ...

While this celebration was occurring, all of the Rawk Hawk fans in the hied of the depression of their hero losing stripped off all their clothes naked, cried, and jump off of Glitzville. Families went as far as assisting their kids to jump off as well. It was Harold Camping's prediction all over again. At the same time, all of the Great Gonzales fans also stripped off their clothes, but instead of killing themselves, they all just partook in a celebratory fangasming orgy. This has been an extreme display of poor human behavior all at 1ce.

**Chapture 4 - 20: BLAH BLAH BLAH OBVIOUS 420 JOKE BLAH BLAH BLAH LAST SUB-CHAPTURE BLAH BLAH BLAH ACTUAL FINAL BOSS OF THE CHAPTURE.**

Jolene: Heres your priz-

Grubba: Hold up hold up hold up hold up hold up! Gonzales, I just wanna say, congrats man, you boosted our revenue by 5,000% in 1 night! You saved us, you saved EFPN, and your a true star! And a powerful warrior! Perhaps too powerful... Hyuk hyuk hyuk!

Mario: ... Okay.

Grubba: We're selling all kinds of crazy Gonzales merchandise! Here! Want a Gonzales action figure? We have a string attached to the back that recites your quotes! Kids love it! See, look!

Grubba pulled out a poorly made Mario- I mean, Gonzales action figure where it recites quotes like "I WILL KILL YOU AND NO 1 WILL FEEL BAD "SHUT UP KOOPS" and "YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT" and "BATHE IN MY TAINT JUICE!" and "FUCK COLDPLAY!" You get the idea.

Mario: Dont... please don't ever show me that ugly thing again...

Yoshi: Can I get 1 of those out of me?

Grubba: Sure you can! But enough of my babbling, here you go! I forgot to give this to you to raise up to the audience but that's alright.

Grubba handed Mario the champion's belt with the fake Star of Greed on it.

Koops: Uhh... yeah. Why did you give us that fake star?

Goombella: KOOPS! SHUT UP!

Koops: Oh... Whoopies... hehe.

Mario: My god i'm gonna smack you so hard right now.

Grubba: WHAT!? HAHAHAH... NONSENSE... OF COURSE IT'S THE REAL STAR! THE STAR OF GLORY I SAY!

Koops: Well, you saw us use the actual dedly stars in battle right? I'm just saying tha-

Grubba: WHAT YOUR SAYING is that you're tired, and you want sleep. After all. It is late, and we closed the Glory Hole for the evening. So don't try reserving any more matches now cause even if it worked, you'll only face Rawk Hawk; the new rank 1! Get it?! Cause you're the sidekick with the champion; Gonzales! Heheheh... JOLENE! Be an apple bottom and show them Gonzales boys to their champion's room eh?

Jolene: Yessir... Is... everything alright?

Grubba: DON'T! ... worry about it. I think... *panting* I think I just need some cocaine to calm my nerves a little. Say, why don't you meet me in my office and maybe we can do a victory dance. And DON'T BRING PANTS unless you want to lose your job. I intend to snort cocaine off your amazing ass crack.

Jolene: ... right...

Flurrie: Mmmmwow... What a way of living I dooo saaaay... Can I have a turn after you!?

Grubba: NO! It's private Flurrie's mom! Eham... Jolene! Chop chop! Paste makes waste!

Jolene: Understood. Mr. Gonzales. Come with me.

The Team of M then proceeded to follow Jolene to the Champion's room.

Koops: So...uuhhhh... Excuse, uhh... me Jolene, but uhh... Why do you let Grubba... I don't know... treat you like that? Like, do you like,... like it?

Jolene: I'm fine... I mean... I'm just doing my job. That's all.

Koops: But yeah, but like, ... I don't know, he doesn't seem like a good person. Especially not to you.

Goombella: I don't usually like being helpful to other females, but like... can't you like, I don't know, press sexual harassment charges on him? He like, totally deserves it!

Jolene: He's... got an arsenal or lawyers that can take me down in a heartbeat if he even knew I had the impulse to.

Yoshi: Dayamn. That be cray cray! Wait, what we talkin bout again?

Koops: Wait, like, what kind of hold does he have on you?

Jolene: It's... He doesn't have any hold on me... . Look, just trust me, there isn't any reasonable way I can explain everything right now. All I can say is that... *sigh* I just have to keep working for him. That's all. No business of yours.

Mario: Good, cause I can honestly give 2 shits less.

Jolene: ... Welp... here's your new room. Right here.

Jolene opened the door causing an almost toxic aroma of Rawk Hawk body spray that was really axe body spray to escape from the Champion's room. Every1 including Flurrie were coughing alot and had to cover their noses like holy hell.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! COUGH COUGH COUGH! I FORGOT ABOUT THIS SMELL!

Goombella: COUGH COUGH! AWWW! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SMELL!?

Koops: COUGH COUGH! IM GONNA DIE! COUGH COUGH!1

Jolene: Welp, here is your new room. All to yourselves. All the luxury you will ever need. before I leave, do you have any questions?

Flurrie: I Flurrie am not COUGH COUGH fond if this unpleasant, toxic aroma!

Yoshi: YEI! FIX IT BEFORE WE ALL DIE!

Yoshi pulled off his diaper speedo thing and covered his nose in it.

Jolene: I'd like to, but you all just have to put up with it for just a little while. Sounds good?

Mario: NOOO! FUCK YOU!

Jolene: Now if you excuse me, I must be going!

Mario: COUGH COUGH! AWW MAN! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS ROOM! ITS FUCKING AUSCHWITZ IN HERE! YOU HEAR ME!? AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSHWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITZ!

Yoshi: AH HEEL NAW! I THINK DAT JOLENE BITCH SET US UP IN SOME KIND OF GAS CHAMBER TO HOLOCAUST OUR ASSES!

Mario: THAT'S WHY I CALLED THIS FUCKING PLACE AUSCHWITZ!

Goombella: TRY SMASHING THE DOOR! THE BODY SPRAY IS STINGING MY EYES LIKE CRAZY!

Mario: GOOD IDEA!

Mario kept trying to smash the door opened. Unfortunately, this tactic was not working as this was indeed quite the powerful door since you know, it is the champion's room and all!

Koops: WAIT! I GOT IT! TRY OPENING THE DOOR!

Mario: FINE! I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE!

Mario and the rest of the party were attempting to open the door while failing to do so in a ridiculous way. I mean, they tried pulling it opened when it was clearly a push door. I guess the body spray fumes got into their thinking neurons somehow.

Flurrie: LOOK! LETS ESCAPE THROUGH THE VENT GUYS!

Mario: GOOD IDEA!

Flurrie picked up Mario and the rest of the partners up by the vent high up in the room where Mario took his hammer and he smashed that vent like no tomorrow!

Koops: WERE FREE! WERE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! QUICKLY EVERY1! RUN!

They then all ran into the ventilation system where they can finally breath in non spray tan some how.

Every1: *panting*

Mario: That! Was fucking close!

Koops: Yeah! ... wait, you guy's think Jolene was up to something?

Goombella: Who knows, I have the feeling it was just Rawk Hawk uhh... killing his own brain cells... let's just focus on finding the Dedly Star so we can get out of this floating internment camp!

Mario: Well said.

Yoshi: Man I gotta say though... What if the star is like, I don't know, under the bed and shit?

Goombella: Were not taking our chances and finding out the hard way!

Mario got another text sound.

Goombella: Okay. This better be the 1 that gives us our answers we need!

aNoNyMoUs: |=!/\/|) 7#3 6#057 !/\/ 7#3 \/3/\/7!147!0/\/ 5'/573/\/\ !/\/ 7#3 (#4/\/\|2!0/\/'5 |?00/\/\\!

Goombella: Wait, what ghost? W'ERE ALREADY IN HERE!

Koops: Wait, so... I WAS RIGHT! HAHAHA! OH MAN! I really hope it's those shadow girls!

Yoshi: Wait, then if der are ghosts, how come we ain't seein none?

Goombella: Don't be stupid. You can't see ghosts!

Yoshi: You just proved my point bitch!

Mario: Well ghosts usually turn out like boos so.

Flurrie farted.

Mario: Flurrie! Don't. Not now.

Flurrie: I'm just trying to refresh ourselves from that awful smell earlier.

Voice: ... . . . ... .

Goombella: Shut up! Wait a sec... you hear that? What's going on in the other side of the room? Mario let's find out shall we?

Team M crawled through the vent like spies and overheard Grubba's voice.

Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK CUCK! Man... that was close. Ain't no 1 getting mah star in here. I need to watch my tootsies around these parts. Man... the day where I have to sneak around my own city...King K and Bandy Andy were dangerously close today. I'm amazed I was nice enough to find a way for them to stay alive this time, but barely. At least I got their powers savered. That Jolene... she's definitely on to me... when I snort some coke off her butt crack, I'm gonna stick a dart so hard in there that she passes out. A real 1 that is. Cause I sure can't keep her around. And that Gonzales turtle! He was really stirring the pot of chili. He and the rest of them Gonzales boy I think are gonna have to kick the bucket. It's sad when amazing fighters have to end this way. Then he took out that Rawk Hawk clown out there... wooo... He might even be too strong for me to handle in this shape... For my sake, I need to keep this case tighter than a jar of meth at an addict's convention. Hmmm... But how do I put a bitter end to this Gonzales wop...?

Mario: DID HE JUST CALL ME A WOP!?

Mario smashed the vent open on Grubba's office's end.

Mario: IF YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, SAY IT TO MY FACE BITCH!

Grubba: GREAT SCOTT! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?

Mario: THE VENT, YOU FAT FUCK!

Yoshi: AND WE HEARD YO ASS! WE HEARD IT AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!

Goombella: WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE STAR, SO COUGH IT UP! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO KICK YOUR ASS!

Koops: DO IT!

Flurrie: OR ELSE!?

Koops and Flurrie did an embarrassing arm folding pose to imply dominance.

Grubba: OH MAN! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M TALKING TO MYSELF OUT LOUD ABOUT MY DIABOLICAL SECRETS!

Grubba grabbed his walkie talkie: JOLENE! CANCEL THAT BUTT COCAINE APPOINTMENT! I GOTTA SCRAMBLE! AND I AIN'T TALKIN ABOUT EGGS NEITHER!

Grubba: Uhhh uh... uhhh... FUCK THIS! IM OUT! SKIDDILY DIDDILY BOP!

Grubba ran off like a pussy running from a Poodle thinking it's vicious.

Yoshi: AFTER DAT PURPLE ASSED NIGGA!

They all busted through the door after the fat purple assed clubba.

Mario: GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID FUCK!

Grubba: *Panting* ALMOST THERE!

Yoshi: WE GOTTA RUN FASTER SO WE CAN BEAT HIS ASS

Grubba reached the door to the Glory Hole sucessfully while Team M quickly followed and did the same. By the time the barely functional team made it to the Glory Hole room, Grubba alone was already on stage. There was no crowd, and the big ass monitor was doing that scratchy black and white fuzzy thing that old TVs used to do.

Grubba: Hot diddly! I gotta say, You guys shouldn't have done here chased me, hyuk hyuk hyuk. This is what y'allz is gonna get for acting like a pack of hound dogs sniffing in my truffle! Now you all have to suffer them consequences for interrogating me and my business.

Mario: And what in the fuck makes you think you have a chance against your strongest fighter!?

Goombella: Yeah! Come on. Like, your power level has to be like, maybe 60. Face it, you're a washed up scumbag who's like, WAY past his prime!

Grubba: That's why I have this machine!

Grubba stuck his finger down his throat, and bulimicly puked out a remote with a big red button.

Grubba: YOU THINK I CALL THIS DOJO THE GLORY HOLE CAUSE I THOUGHT IT'D BE FUNNY!? BEHOLD!

Grubba pressed the button causing 9 of the tiles he was under and around him to elevate downwards.

Yoshi: I'm goin after him!

Goombella: Wait! That might not be such a good idea.

Yoshi: Man whatever.

A Giant penis shaped machine that oddly resembled a Mario Kart Gold Cup Trophy arose through the actual gigantic Glory Hole on the stage containing the real Star of **Greed** hovering above it.

Koops: LOOKY! It's the star!

Grubba: I don't suppose this was the star yallz were lookin for this whole time was it? I found this star 1 day from brutally raping a jewish leprechaun! Uhhh... A FEMALE 1! YEAH! I raped him... her so hard, that I stole the pot of gold with the Star of **Greed** in it. And I got all that gold which got me the moolah I needed to create Glitzville!

Koops: I thought you said you got money from being a famous wrestler?

Grubba: You think being a famous wrestler will make you enough money to rule over a floating city and it's fossil fuels? Hyuk! Ya right! Pot of Gold baby!

Goombella: Uhh... yeah... Okay i'm sorry. I have to point out a bit of a random minor plot hole that's been bothering me. How come when we fought the Armored Saints the 2nd time, they fell through the floor, and off the island. How can a machine like that fit under there when there's no physical space for it? I mean, that just makes absolutely no sense?

Grubba: That doesn't matter. It's not like you know how this machine works!

Goombella: It DOES matter! That's a huge ass plot hole to the story!

Grubba: Look, I have no time for your squabbling. Check this dodadday out! INITIATE! HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUSCLE-UP!

Grubba started flexing in a way where he looked like he was severely constipated some how causing the machine with the **Greed** Star in it to activate its power and caused Grubba to grow 10 times his normal size while being super buff as fuck. He turned Orange, and grew Super Saiyan hair despite the hair not making him any stronger. He became, Macho Man Grubba Savage! Too soon? Welp. Everything on his body grew. Except for his penis. Which... actually shrunk from the steroid like procedure.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! DAT GRUBBA FUCKA GOT ALL BIG ASS BIG ALL DA SUDDEN!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I AM PUMPED UP WITH ALL KINDS OF POWER! CHECK IT! I USED THIS STAR TO KEEP MY FINE OL' BOD' YOUNG AND PHRESH! SO PHRESH, I CAN DESTROY YOUR ASS WITH SOME SMOOOOOOOOOOTH SLAM ATTACKS!

Koops: Keep your fine ol' bod young? I don't get it.

Flurrie: I do... Talk about some majical cosmetics I do say so myself.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: NOT ONLY WILL I USE MY NEWLY EQUIPPED ENERGY FROM SOME OF THEM FIGHTERS FROM TODAY AND UNLEASH MY BEATINGS ONTO YOU! BUT WITH TEAM M'S ENERGY, I'LL BE STRONGER THAN GOD!

Mario: Thanks for the compliment, but why is any this necessary? I mean, the machine, the power stealing, the diabolical plans to secretly be stronger than every1 else? I mean, you're rich as hell. what purpose does any of this new stuff serve?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I BECOME STRONGER! THATS ALL!

Mario: Yeah but if you're gonna become stronger in secret, then what's the point? You're just narcissistically boosting your ego to impress yourself. And it's not even your own strength neither. It's BULLSHIT! Just like you!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WELL... OKAY FINE. I HAVE AN IDEA. I'LL BECOME SO STRONG, THAT NOT EVEN THE WORLD'S MILITARY FORCES CAN TAKE ME ON. I'LL BE AN UNSTOPPABLE RULER ON THIS POST APOCALYPTIC PLANET DRIVEN BY ME. AND I WILL BE ALL POWERFUL AS HUMANITY FALLS TO THEIR KNEES OVER MY FINE ASS! AS EACH DAY COMMENCES, I WILL GROW STRONGER AND STRONGER! EVENTUALLY, I WILL BE SO BIG AND STRONG, THAT I WILL...UHH…... PUNCH, PLANET EARTH! HYUK HYUK HYUK HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKK!

Mario: Well... yeah, but your already powerful enough as it is.. Your a fucking millionaire. Maybe even a billionaire! You own a floating city dedicated to your name. You're basically a 2nd Donald Trump at this rate.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I DON'T CARE! THE GOAL IN ALL LIFE IS TO BECOME STRONGER AND STRONGER EACH DAY! BY DOING SO, I'LL BE THE ALL POWERFUL DEMIGOD OF MY DREAMS!

Mario: So... basically, you're just hell bent on being power hungry I take it? Meh. I've heard less retarded evil plans...

Macho Grubba: STOP BELITTLING MY PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION!

**[THE REAL BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 90

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Battle Music: _The Toxic Waltz by Exodus_

Macho Man Grubba Savage: Power Level 180

[TURN 1]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHO MAN GRUBBA SAVAGE!

Mario: That's ... that's not really gonna be your new name, is it?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: READ THE DAMN STORY! YOU SEE MY NAME ON THE LEFT OF THE COLONS RIGHT!?

Mario face palmed.

Mario: *sigh* I don't think you don't realize how hard it was to block that out of my mind before you said that. Let's just start this already. GOOMBELLA!

Goombella uses tattle: This is Macho... I can't believe he renamed himself to that... Uhh yeah... Hes got a power level of 180. What's weird, is that this boss has no defense, but has an attack power of 4 and HP of 60! And he has a buttload of moves kind of like Rawk Hawk only with 2ice the power level. So... look out.

Mario starts off this turn with a metal hammer smash on Grubba's foot: [4 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! I got a move of my own! Its called... CHEATING!

Macho Man Grubba Savage boosted an ability to do 2 attacks in 1 move.

Goombella: So... he can boost his attacks? Shit. The book never said anything about that.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: NOW WE EACH HAVE 2 MOVES PER TURN!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses the charge attack for the 1st time boosting her power level to 85.

Mario drank the Hawaiian Power Punch to boost his shit up to 120.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: HYUK! NOW YALL ARE COPYING ME!? HYUK HYUK HYUK! WATCH THIS. JUST A FAIR WARNING! BACK IN THE DAY, I HAD SO MANY ASS-FUCKING MOVES, THAT SOME OF EM HAD TO MADE ILLEGAL,

Goombella: You mean like the 2 turns bullshit power up?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WITNESS A POWER LIKE THIS!

Grubba did a dance where he boosted up his attack power with an xtra 3 boosting his power level to 252/270.

Macho Man Grubba Savage ran back and punched Goombella in the face: [7 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I LOVE HITTING WOMEN! YIKKI! I'M MAAAACHO MAN GRUBBA SAVAGE! YOU WONT BEAT ME! CAUSE IM THE REAL CHAMP AMONG ANY FIGHTER YOU'VE EVER FACED! YOU PESTERING PIECES OF PRICK PUBES! I'M ROUGH, TOUGH, AND HOTTER THAN HILLARY DUFF! JUST LOOK AT ME!

Goombella: Oww... my face. This guy talks way too much...

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WHO NEEDS A PENIS WHEN I GOT BIG MUSCLES!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses her awesome multibonk attack dealing a great deal of [18 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: HOW'D I GET THAT KIND OF BEATING FROM A TINY GOOMBA BITCH!?

Mario: Cause your a fucking retard!

Mario does the same as Goombella and power bounced the Macho Mistake of a character: [17 Damage]

Mario: Just so you know, you look like the fat steroid abusing pissed off twin brother of Jar Jar Binks that got outshined by him. The ugly sight of you gives me a reason to fear ass cancer!

Koops: But I love Jar Jar Binks!

Mario: I'll whoop your ass next after this for saying that!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... MAYBE I DID UNDERESTIMATE YOUR MOVES! WELP, JUST TO MAKE SURE THIS DONE HERE DON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, IMMA GET ALL ELECTRIC NOW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage statically electrified his skin making him untouchable for 3 turns!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: TRY TOUCHING ME NOW BITCHES! IT'LL BE LIKE A MOTH ON 1 OF EM ZAPPING LIGHTS! OH YEAH! I ALMOST FORGOT!

Macho Man Grubba Savage grew 2ice his own size as he boosted his defense by 3. Also boosting his power level by 293/675

[TURN 4]

Goombella: Welp... I hate to say this, but I think I've done all that I can. Koops! You in!

Koops: Oh boy! Im gonna do him 1 good.

Goombella: Let's hope so.

Goombella tapped out and switched with Koops.

Mario uses a smash on Grubba's stomach doing a lame amount of: [1 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: DON'T BE SO SURE THAT YOU HAVE ME IN A LOOP! CAUSE I GOT THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL! CHECK THIS OUT!

Macho Man Grubba Savage did a surprise jump move on Koops: [6 Damage]

Macho Man Super Asshole did another jump attack on Koops briefly sitting on him putting him in a big ass danger mode [7 Damage]. This dented his shell in pressing on his lungs.

Koops: AAAHAHHHHH! I CANT GET UP! I CANT *Coughs blood* GET UP!

Mario: DAMNIT! NOT AGAIN!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I HOPE YOU REALIZE! I'VE WATCHED ALL 23 OF YOUR FIGHTS! I KNOW ALL YOUR WEAKNESSES! WHATS A MATTER? WANNA LEAVE NOW!? WELL HA! THE DOORS LOCK AUTOMATICALLY WHEN I ACTIVATE THE MACHINE! SO YOU ARE S.O.L.. IF YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

[TURN 5]

Mario: Shit... This guy is cutting through my team mates like no problem. I can't keep letting this shit go on.

Koops: SHUCKS MARIO! I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO ATTACK HIM! IM SORRY IM SO FUCKING LAME!

Mario: Yes Koops. Yes you clearly are. Flurrie! Get your gross ass out of here!

Flurrie! My my! Looks like I'm up.

Mario switches out Koops for Flurrie.

Mario: Don't get too excited. Feed me more Hawaiian Punch so we don't die!

Flurrie: Yessir!

Flurrie uses Hawaiian Power Punch on Mario to increase his strength back to 120.

Mario: I hope you have a way to counter this power up Grubba.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OH I DO! BUT I GOTTA REBOOT MY 2 TURN TAKING PERFECT ASS SO I CAN BLAST YOU SOME!

Macho Man Grubba Savage re-amped his 2x turn move.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! MY HEART! OWW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage started rolling around all over the place in agonizing pain as he started having a heart attack!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! *COUGHS BLOOD* OOOOO! THIS CAN'T ….. BE!

Mario: HAHA! LOOK EVERY1! GRUBBA'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK! WE'LL WIN THIS FOR SURE NOW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OH *COUGH* WAIT A SEC! I JUST REALIZED! THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!

Mario: Pfft... Dont you think you've been bullshitting us enough today?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WELL… WITH THIS FORM, I NO LONGER NEED A HEART IN ORDER TO SURVIVE! WITNESS THE EVER LASTING POWER OF CHOMPOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRUBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Macho Man Grubba Savage did another constipation vibration thing while having a drug induced heart attack where the entire Glitzville started shaking.

Mario: No... fucking... way...

Meanwhile outside of the Glory Hole.

Master Crash: WHAT THE BOMB IS GOING ON HERE!?

Koopinator: IS THIS THING GONNA CRASH!?

Cleftor: SOME1 DO SOMETHING TO STOP THIS RACKET!

Rawk Hawk: I'M GAY ALRIGHT!?

Jolene: Is this... really happening? I hope hes not doing what I think he is...

Cleftor: WHAT DO WE DO JOLENE!?

Jolene: ... EVERY1! GET BACK IN YOUR LOCKER ROOMS FOR SAFETY! I'LL FIGURE OUT HOW TO UNLOCK THESE DOORS!

Outside of the entire building, that Chain Chomp ornament in front of the building started to majically hover, and smash through the ceiling.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: YES YEEEEEEESSSSSSS! COME TO ME STONE CHAIN CHOMP! BE 1 WITH ME!?

Goombella: NO WAY! IS HE SERIOUS!?

Koops; HE'S NOT TALKING ABOUT THE CHAIN CHOMP ON THE FRONT OF THE DOJO IS H-

Battle Music: _Blacklist by Exodus_

The Giant Stone Chain Chomp crashed and majically fused with Grubba turning him into; CHOMPO GRUBBA! His skin turned black and made of stone. His face took the form of a chain chomp and it looked fucking terrifying. His defense got boosted to 10 putting him at a power level of 360/1080. The other power ups minus the 2 turns move became dismissed.

Yoshi: DAMN! THAT SHITS FRIGHTENING!

Flurrie: What a sheer display of becoming 1 with a funny object that you indeed possess...

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! IM FUSED WITH THE CHAIN CHOMP THAT WAS IN FRONT OF MY DOJO! NOW YOU TRULY DON'T STAND A LICK OF A CHANCE!

Mario: How?

[TURN 6]

Yoshi: Ay Mario, can't you transform too? Like, do dat Kill La Kill shit again!

Mario: I can't! That was a 1 time deal. Besides, it's not like it made me any stronger. I'm not in the right series to use Life Fibers, or Spiral Energy, or Chakra or any of that! Basically FP is our only version of that!

Flurrie: Mmmm... Maybe we can use more FP then...

Flurrie uses the item swap on the super shroom turning it into super vadgelly.

Mario chugged that Super Vadgelly Syrup regenerating all that FP back to normal.

Chompo Grubba boosts his attack with an xtra 3 again and chomped Flurrie: [7 Damage]

Flurrie: Please... I can bite better than that any time, anywhere!

[TURN 7]

Chompo Grubba: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF PENETRATING THROUGH MY ARMOR LIKE BODY NOW!

Mario: Sure I don't Mr. I'vebeenstudyingyourmovestheentiretime! Watch this!

Mario raised up the Star of **Wrath**.

Mario: Now to use my power of HOW MUCH YOU PISS ME OFF YOU FAT REDNECK GROSS SOUNDING ASSHOLE!

The star did it's usual thing, and grew big as hell. All of the partner's got on it for dramatic effect, and to not experience the attack. But Chompo Grubba sure did: [6 Damage]

Chompo Grubba: OWW! THAT... ACTUALLY STUNG! WELP, YOU GOT NO CHANCE AGAINST THE LIKES OF ME! YOU CAN ONLY USE THAT 1CE PER BATTLE SO LOOKS LIKE YOUR SHIT OUT OF LUCK! AGAIN!

Flurrie: ... Hmmmm... It appears that I am indeed stumped on how I can combat this disfigured beast... I'm afraid that I'm out. Yoshi. Now it's your turn.

Yoshi: Sheeeeeeeeeeit! Finally!

Flurrie traded spaces with Yoshi.

Chompo Grubba: REMEMBER! THE MATCHES AREN'T OVER UNTIL I SAY SO! YOU KNOW THAT FROM ALL THEM MATCHES YOU DON' HERE FACED WITH ME AS THE REF! AND LUCK WILL ALWAYS SHINE ON CHOMPO GRUBBA!

Chompo Grubba boosted his attack by 3 raising his attack up to 10. Power Level: 504/2160

Mario: I can't wait to get my hands on that star!

Chompo Grubba: NO YOU DON'T!

Chompo Grubba did a backflip that savagely landed on Yoshi full force. He had enough strength to block it but even that wasn't enough: [9 Damage]

Yoshi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario: NOOO!

Goombella; YOSHI!

[TURN 8]

Mario ran to the near ded Yoshi.

Yoshi: Uggg... *coughs a little blood* I cant... Uhh... Im think im... im ... pretty much ded...

Mario: OH FUCK! No Yoshi! You can't die. You'll live! You have to!

Yoshi: Ugg... Sorry. Great G. It's... up to yooo...do it fo... do it for the nigg...as...

Yoshi passed out on the floor with his tongue out.

Koops: Is he...?

Goombella: Yoshi... no...

Flurrie: Poor Yoshi... He was just born today too...

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! NOW YOUR PARTNERS ARE STRAIGHT UP DED! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING THIS NOW! GO AHEAD! TRY SWITCHING YOUR PARTNERS OUT! YOU'LL WASTE A TURN DOING IT! AND I'LL ONLY KILL THEM TOO!

Mario: *Sniff*...Yoshi...*panting* Damn you…. No 1 fucks with Team M and lives to TELL ABOUT IT!

Mario charges his attack up by 2 increasing his power level to 150.

Chompo Grubba: SO... HYUK HYUK... YOU'RE PLAYING THE POWER UP GAME A 2ND TIME!? HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED ANYTHING!? I CAN BOOST MY ATTACK 2ICE IS FAST AS YOU CAN! JUST WATCH!

Chomp Grubba 1ce more boosted up his attack by another 3. Power level 630/2700

Chompo Grubba bit Mario almost cutting him in half. Luckily he was too pissed off to die: [13 Damage]

[TURN 9]

Goombella: This guy is ridiculously powerful! Do something! Anything!

Mario charged up again boosting his power level up to 102/180

Goombella: NOO! Mario! That was a weak strategy!

Mario: I DON'T CARE!

Chompo Grubba: THIS IS GETTING PATHETIC FAST! ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE TO ADMIT! YOU ARE POWERING UP ENOUGH TO DO ANOTHER HIT OF DAMAGE ON ME YET AGAIN!

Chompo Grubba powered up his defense up to 13: Power Level 788/3375

Chompo Grubba: THERE WE GO! IM UNSTOPPABLE NOW! AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, THESE CHARGE UPS DON'T GO AWAY! IN OTHER WORDS, THEY'RE SET IN STONE! GET IT!? HYUK HYUK HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!

Chompo Grubba: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GONNA TOY WITH YOU SINCE YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH DED MEAT ALREADY! EAT THIS!

Chompo Grubba decked Mario hard in the face creating the most dedly punch any1 has ever faced in this series so far: [13 Damage]

[TURN 10]

The Bloody leader got back up on his feet.

Mario: Hehehehe.. PERFECT!

Mario pulled out his hammer which turned blue, sharp, and crystal like, and immediately dug it right through Grubba's heart area with a surprise piercing blow: [12 Damage]

Chompo Grubba: WH... WHAT THE...

Mario: YOU FORGOT ABOUT MY PIERCING BLOW BITCH!

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK! WELL…. LIKE IT OR NOT, YOU JUST WASTED YOUR LAST MOVE! AND I'M STILL STANDING! WHO NEEDS A HEART WHEN YOU GOT BIG! ASS! MUSCLES!

Mario: NOW YOSHI!

Yoshi quickly got up and did a gulp attack on Chompo Grubba and spat him out on the floor unable to move: [5 Damage]

Yoshi: PSYCH BITCH!

Grubba reverted back to his original form.

Grubba: THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!?

**[END OF THE REAL BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Grubba: This... wasn't supposed to end like this... I wanted to get stronger... and this is the thanks I get..?... Shame...

the heavily wounded black eyed Mario walked up to Grubba, and stepped on his chest causing him to cough up blood and some of his guts.

Mario: Had enough?

Grubba: Cough cough... I cant believe it... I lost... I got so powerful. only for it to all go away. How could this happen?

Mario: Pfftt... Let this be a permanent message to never underestimate Team M ever again.

Grubba: May God... have mercy on your soul!

Mario: God? *spits blood out* God died the day I came out of my mother's cunt.

And so, Mario pressed his foot down through Grubba's chest and crushed his cocaine filled heart flat. Grubba puked up a Dio from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure's amount of blood all over Mario and died. Another boss ded! YAAAAY!

Mario: Well that's finally over with. Good thing Yoshi had that plan.

Goombella: Wait, you mean that thing where he got back up? When the hell did you have that plan established!?

Mario: I kind of figured. I mean, Yoshi does have 10 HP after all. And Grubba took out 9 so it was kind of obvious.

Goombella: But you teared up a little bit.

Mario: No I didn't. I was acting so I can trick Grubba.

Yoshi: Yei! Gonzales dont cry bitch!

Goombella: Well... alright then…

Mario: Hey Koops?

Koops: Yeah?

Mario decked Koops hard in the face.

Koops: OWW! What did I do now!?

Mario: Thats what you get for making Jar Jar Binks your favorite Star Wars character. You should know better than that you fool.

Koops: Aww shucks. I guess you're right.

The doors suddenly opened.

Jolene: Gonzales!

Jolene: No... Your Mario. I knew you were Mario. I played your games as a kid...

Koops: Look! Its Jolene!

Mario: Great... Now you're gonna try arresting me for killing Grubba...

Jolene: Actually, I must offer my earnest thanks for defeating that sick pervert... I couldn't stand him anymore... let alone ever. Its amazing what so much sexual harassment can do to your mind... I let so much of that drive me crazy, that I just... I just kind of lost sight of who I was... I knew you were a childhood hero of mine. And I still treated you like crap especially in the 1st part of the chapture... You must have hated my guts... *sniff*... And I love Mario games too...

Mario: Now what's going on?

Jolene: I'm also sorry for putting you in that position in the 2nd part of the story where I tricked you into doing all those errands. I'm aNoNyMoUs by the way...

Flurrie: So you mean that was not some spooky spectacular ghost? It was just you?

Jolene: Thats correct... My brother... He was the original champion when Glitzville started back in 1989. Hes name is Mush. He went by Prince Mush as his stage name. He was the best brother any1 can ask for. He would do literally anything for me. Things I probably shouldn't mention even. hehe... Our family was poor as dirt. Our mom was 1000 pounds who would have to work a job as an acre for a cruise, and our dad was a toothless crack whore that fucked squirrels... That didn't make us alot of money though... I couldn't work at the time, cause I have a really severe case of Crohn's disease... I never really like talking about it with people... Like Grubba, he also preformed in alot of street fights. But unlike Grubba, Mush was doing it to help pay for our living conditions. Eventually, my dad died from ODing on crack, and my mom died from drowning from 1 of her shifts. So by that point, we were all that we had. My medication was getting too expensive. 1 day, we heard that the famous Grubba was lifting his city in the sky, and my 15 year old brother went as far as being the champion from the TRY OUTS! 1 day, I just never heard of him. He just went missing, I was suspicious cause I never got any memo that he was ded so I knew something was up. With enough money to afford my medication for my disease, I decided to get a job here as an intern so I can look more into what was going on and hopefully find my brother. I saw Grubba test his machine 1 day and he mentioned using Mush's energy from when he talks to himself. Thankfully he never caught me, but I've been walking on eggshells trying to find a way to save or avenge him. I was almost ready to give up actually. I guess around the time you beat the Armored Saints the 1st time, I woke up, and realized your potential, and mine. Remembering who you are gave me some hope in myself, and yourself cause you never lose. You just keep going. I guess that's what I admire about you from the games up. So basically, long story short, I secretly had to guide you to do some tasks so I can get closer to the truth.

Yoshi: Damn... So I guess you ain't so much of a bitch after all. You just fucked up!

Koops: So wait? How did you know we were looking for the star?

Goombella: Yeah. I don't even know how or where you could possibly have been when our team would talk about it.

Jolene: Remember the waitress in Jamba Juice? I had to go as another identity as her for therapeutic reasons under all that sexual harassment. It's too complicated to go into details.

Goombella: So let's see, that explains...wait, let me look at Mario's phone.

Goombella grabbed his phone from his ass pocket.

Goombella: Before I read these, how did you find Mario's number?

Jolene: I'm kind of a nerd. I know how to find famous people's phone number. Mario was easy since he's been doxed alot.

Mario: Doxed? What's that?

Jolene: Oh nothing...

Goombella: So. the 1st 2 emails make sense. You got Mario a stronger hammer. The 3rd 1! You basically... wanted us to catch you having anal sex?

Jolene: I had to make it seem like I wasn't aNoNyMoUs at the time.

Goombella: Isn't that a little extreme…?

Jolene: I had to do it I guess. Plus it's... kind of a kink of mine... having people walk in on me. Don't know why though.

Flurrie: I concur indeed. That's part of why I do porn deerie.

Goombella: Uhh... Okay... Then the 4th, 5th, and 6th 1s were to go to the telephone booth where we found a storage key, and snuck in on a conversation with you, and go to the attic.

Jolene: I wanted to give you a chance to sneak up on Grubba and his plan to see if that would give you some hints. They weren't as strong as I thought they'd be so that 1 was kind of a malfunction. The Securitim clones destabilizing gave you a good shot at it.

Goombella: Then the next 3 were to destroy the posters and go to the storage room.

Jolene: To save the minor league fighters that were trapped. I also saw Grubba doing some shit with them and wanted to save them. And the ghost thing was a thing I made up to go stop Grubba from stealing more fighters and so I won't get cocaine all over my ass for him to snort.

Goombella: You have a strange way of doing things.

Mario: Yeah! That champion room was toxic as fuck so we had to get out of there some how.

Jolene: Oh hehe... That 1's on Rawk Hawk. I've wanted to fix that problem for liability reasons myself.

Suddenly the machine started glowing with the star in it.

Yoshi: THE FUCKS GOING ON!?

The Star of **Greed** majically farted out the blue robed pink hatted male blonde toad identical to Jolene; Prince Mush (Age 30) (Even though he's physically 20.)

Prince Mush: Whats... going on?

Yoshi: WHO DAT!?

Jolene: M... Mu... .MUSH!

Mush: JOLENE!

The 2 toad siblings ran towards each other and briefly started passionately making out.

Koops: Say... can siblings do that?

Mario: Yes Koops. It's called incest.

Koops: ... Huh... I kind of wish I had a sister now.

Jolene: I missed you SOOOOO MUCH!

Jolene kept hugging him and cried on his shoulder.

Flurrie: Mmmmm... How sweet...

Prince Mush: Heh. I missed you too sis...

Jolene: So, what was like? In that star?

Prince Mush: I... Can't really say. I guess it's like being in a cryogenic state where you're basically frozen. I remember fighting Macho Man Grubba Savage who had tried abducting me. I lost, and here I am. What year is it?

Jolene: 2004.

Prince Mush: HOLY DAMN! No wonder why you look like you've aged a little.

Jolene: Yeah. Hehe... I couldn't have done it alone. Here's Mario believe it not! Remember how you got me into the arcade games? And How we saved up for an NES? Thats the guy from the games!

Prince Mush: Holy shit! Mario saved me!? This is unbelievable!

Prince Mush: Mario! Great to meet you! Your the 1 who inspired me to become a fighter.

Mario: And you make out with your sister!

Prince Mush: Oh that I do!

Mario: Is that why you both have a southern accent?

Prince Mush: Hehe... Good 1.

Mario: ... You actually... know how to respond to my bullshit…? Wow. Good for you! Seriously. That's not sarcasm.

Jolene: I just can't believe this is finally over!

Flurrie: Hey guys! I got the Star of **Greed **now!

Goombella: YES! HAZA! WE DID IT!

Jolene: Yep. Just like what we agreed to in the emails. It's better in your hands. Clearly you've been collecting them. Knowing Mario, you guys are on some kind of mission where you're collecting them and using them to fight off some evil force. Bowser I assume?

Mario: Naw. This time it's these X-Nazi guys.

Prince Mush: You all are fighting people other than Bowser? Man I have been gone for awhile huh?

Jolene: Yeah... And besides. It's better we don't have this star anywhere near this place anymore. So nothing like this will ever happen again.

Koops: Cool! So that means we have 3 Stars now! **Wrath, Envy, and Greed**! Each with their own story! And 4 more crazy stories to come I bet!

Goombella: Say... Didn't Grubba say there were more fighters in there?

Jolene: Yeah... who knows. I'm pretty happy my brother's still alive to be honest.

Mario: Yeah... It's good that we... whoa... my hands... I think i'm... FUCK FUCK FUCK!... I'M A POTATO GUYS! RUN! IM A FUCKING POTATO!?

Yoshi: Jeez Gonzales! The fuck you doin!?

Mario: OLOLOLOLOLOLLL! THIS IS MY POTATO CRY EVERY1! WOEFBNSDIJSBGJOSKGFBSEIFBSEJGKSDFSBDFGSKJHGB SDIFSBGJSKBDFHSDFBSRGKSBJK1!11

Koops: Wowzers! Why is acting all crazy like that all the sudden!?

Mario: I HAVE POTATO POWERS EVERY1!

Mario started taking off his clothes and bashing his face on the wall.

Mario: I WANT MASHED POTATOES FOR DINNER! I MUST! SMASH MY! FACE! FOR! DINNER!

Goombella: Shit! You what that is!? That's the Earth LSD kicking in! HAHA! Hes fine. He just gets like that after the climax of the chapture.

Mario: I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A POTATO! I'M A GOD DAMN POTATO!

Jolene: Hmmm... He did save my brother. And he is fucking Mario... Alright. We can let this slide... Hehe...

Mario: I AM POTATO MARIO!

Every1 else but Mario: HAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Mario: I'M GONNA CUT MY BODY UP SO I CAN MAKE SOME BIG ASS FRENCH FRIES!

_Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer_

Glitzville's darkest depts were 1ce dangerous and riddled with conspiracy... With Jolene's brain's and Mario's brons, they were able to save their business, save the fighters, save Prince Mush (who we are suddenly hearing about just now), and most importantly to the story, the 3rd Dedly Star! Grubba is ded, and he will never harm, drain energy, nor play with intern butts ever again. Seeing as though this star was able to capture fighter(s), what other powers to these Dedly Star things possess? And what else are the X-Naut's up to? Find out on the next exciting issue! As we BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE NEXT EXCITING CHAPTURE OF SUPER MARIO! AND THE A THOUSAND YEAR! DRAMAAAAAAAAA!

\- To be continued

Credits:

Credits music playing: _Wasted by the Circle Jerks._

Creator: IAMMASTER

Special thanks to Kaiimi, Nipplord, and various others.

No vibes were harmed in the making of this.

Based on a True Game

After Credits.

Goombella: So wait! Hang on! I have to break the 4th wall and talk to you all a little bit about the rankings of this shit. I know, some of you might get bored, and will probably ex out of the page you're reading this on. But is it me, or are the placements of the rankings like, TOTALLY off!? Like, let me get started.

Goombella: So if the rankings were accurate with the fighters, the score would look like this.

Champ: The Great Gonzales

MAJOR LEAGUES

1: The Armored Saints [19]

2: The Majikoopa Masterbaters [16]

3: Rawk Hawk [14.5]

4: The Spike Storm Troopers [13]

5: The Cunt Chompers [13]

6: The Koopinator [12.5]

7: Rth, Uind, and Phahyr [10.5]

8: The Punx of Rock [10]

9: Los Escándalos De Concha [10]

10: De Små Pigger [9]

minor leagues

11: Papa Bâton Noir [9]

12: The White-And-Dirty [5.5]

13: The Poker Faced Deth Machines [5]

14: The Kid Punching Koopas [5]

15: THE BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB [4.5]

16: The Pokey 3 Somes [4.5]

17: The Police [4]

18: XXxxmInd_bOgglErzxxXX [3]

19: The Ded Boners [1]

20: The Goomba Brahz [.5]

Goombella: I know, some of these rankings might not make the most sense. There are 2 factors that are not evident. 1 of them is when the fighters registered chronologically, and the fact that some of these fighting teams can't beat each other. For example, how can The Spike Storm Troopers beat The Poker Faced Deth Machines when their defense is way too high for them to attack? What about vise versa? It's not like they can reach the Lakitu on this team. Or how can The White-And-Dirty be higher than The Pokey 3 Somes since if they touch them, they get hurt and touching is their only set of moves they can use to fight. Yet they still have a higher rank in the revised ranks and in the actual ranks? I had to break this down in a more convenient way. A way where I simulated every hypothetical fight among this system. Even Rawk Hawk vs The Goomba Brahz. This is ranked by whoever scored the most victories among every hypothetical match. Which is why I placed numbers to the right of the names. There are some cases where some can beat others judging on who strikes 1st in the turns. Like if The Goomba Bros went 1st in fighting the Kid Punching Koopas, they would win cause the Koopas would be on their backs. But that's the only scenario where they would win out of all of the hypothetical fights. Which is why some of the numbers to the right have ".5s" in their scores. This system eliminates the biases of who joined chronologically, and the rock paper scissors factor that some of these fighters have in terms of dynamics. It's like comparing an evenly or close to evenly leveled Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. Which would never work cause 1 would beat the other due to their elements. The Armored Saints of course would be in rank 1 due to them having INFINITE DEFENSE! And none of them have a Yoshi that can swallow 1 of them and spit them out so they can clash. I guess maybe they just like staying in rank 10 and the other higher 1s came before them.

Goombella: Hey where did everybody go?


	6. Chapture 5: For Whom the Hell Trolls?

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated N, for, "Nigga, getcho ass outta here if you a little, punk-ass kid or a butthurt, easily offended muthafucka, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit."

"Getting offended by a joke makes you part of it."

~ George Washington

"If a joke makes you choke then with good timing it was spoke!"

~ Abraham Lincoln

"If nigger is your trigger, try not to be so bitter. If kike is your hype, go back to the trike. If chink makes you sink, you need a drink. If faggot makes you nag it, then this room you shouldn't inhabit."

~ Some homeless guy who I'm pretty sure was high as fuck when saying this

Enjoy.

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Uncut Version)**

**Chapture 5: For Whom the Hell Trolls?**

_Anticipation Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer_

Last time! On Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! Mario and the rest of the Team M bastards left the Great Tree of Might after beating Robotnik and receiving the 2nd dedly star. Soon afterwards making it back to Ghettoport, they then received a new location to the next star on an artificial Babylon like Fighting Dojo named 'The Glory Hole' where it was being used as the ornament for the champion belt. They soon awaited the Dojo in the sky where Mario and his friends oddly enough began competing as strange fighters to win the Star of **Greed**. 1ce they worked up the ranks into the championship title, they found that the owner, Grubba had other plans in store for the tardtastic team as he had been using the real star as a method to power his ass up. Be it as it may, the Team successfully defeated Grubba and scavenged the 3rd Dedly Star. Read and find out what idiotic retarded adventures awaits for these goons this episode of SUPER MARIO! AND THE THOUSAND YEAR! DRAMA!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

**Chapture 5 - 1: Compensation Disorder**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 22nd, 2004. It is 10:11 PM, partially cloudy and 69 Degrees F Room Temperature.]_

**[X-Naut Fortress] **

The Shadow Sirens were summoned to Grodus' throne room yet again with X-Naut #666 huffing some wood cleaner or computer duster or some shit as part of the dumb ritual. Theoretically, I think it's only used to summon Beldam who brings the other 2 Sirens.

Beldam: Yes Sir Grodus?

Grodus: Beldam Beldam Beldam... Tell me, what good are you and your pathetic siblings? Why have you not wiped out Team M off the face of existence yet!?

Marilyn: GUH!

Marilyn was gnawing on her own arm like a bone.

Beldam: What do you mean what g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good am I? I'm the reason why you have any insight on the 1000 Year D-d-d-d-d-d-d-door in the 1st place assh-

Grodus: That's not what I am interested in, Beldam! Now I will ask you again. Why have you not eliminated Team M yet you pointy jew-nosed piece of vermin!?

Beldam: … We... haven't b-b-b-b-b-b-b-been able to track where Mario or his t-t-t-t-t-team have been since Boggly Woods. I've had to spend the bulk of today punishing my pathetic siblings! Especially Vivian!

Marilyn pulled out a bottle of drain cleaner and started drinking it think that it's soda.

Vivian was upset and shivering due to how emotionally bruising her punishment was being all chronically parallel to the Glitzville chapture and what not. That's how long it lasted.

Vivian: *Sniff sniff*

Beldam backhanded VIvian in the face for crying infront of Grodus.

Beldam: VIVIAN! WILL YOU STOP W-W-WEEPING MAKING US LOOK LAMER WITH YOUR STUPID TEARS!?

Vivian: But... you.. violently molested me all da-

Grodus impatiently zapped Vivian from his chair getting sick of her tearing up like a stupid emotionally damaged cunt. She was briefly passed out on the floor.

Beldam just snorted a line of cocaine on her arm increasing her stuttering issues only slightly.

Grodus: Beldam... I'm growing impatient. You need to learn how to control your property. If you want them to do what you say, make them fear you. Prove to them that you dominate. Prove you own them!

Beldam: I've BEEN doing that for the past m-m-m-m-m-m-millenium, but that's not enough ap-p-p-p-p-p-pperantly. She's an idiot who s-s-s-seems to need some sort of special treatment.

Marilyn was busy licking the urine stains off the walls of the throne room from the incident of the other chapture.

Grodus: In that case, would you prefer if I dispose of this 'him or her' thing to make matters easier for you?

Beldam: Give us 1 more chance. Vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vian might be of some use for us this time. I have a plan that has an 100% chance of sheer su-su-su-su-su-su-success.

Grodus: Hmm... A plan you say?

Beldam: Yes. I've hired a team of X-Naut scientists under minimum wage to m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-manufacture a weapon that will make us 1000% stronger and more blood thirstier than ever before! I haven't quite sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-speculated whether Team M has found the Star of **Greed** just yet due to the location of that st-st-st-st-st-star being a bit vague in my memory. Luckily, the next star I b-b-b-believe should be the Star of **Lust**. Thankfully, I do have a slight c-c-c-c-c-c-cc-clue where that 1 might be, but I may need to spend some more time remembering a where it's located. I guarantee it will come back to me.

Grodus: Well then... When you find out where the Star is located, tell me. Unless you're absolutely sure if your plan is duable.

Beldam: I am ab-b-b-b-b-b-b-bsolutely positive sir.

Beldam then chewed up a crack rock to get really high disregarding the health of her teeth.

Grodus: Good... good... I'll leave this matter in your hands. But if your plan does in fact fail like last time, expect me to take the life of your youngest sibling to teach you PERMANENT lesson. VERSTANDEN!?

Beldam: Yes sir. LET'S AWAY PEASANTS! Marilyn! Stop chewing on Grodus' seat! And Vivian! Wake up you sleazy twat!

The electrified Shadow was slowly getting back up after being somewhat injured by Grodus' blast.

Vivian: Oww... Wh….where am I?

Baldam grabbed Vivian by the arm to lift her all the way up.

Beldam: WE'RE G-G-G-G-GOING WHORE!

Beldam teleported.

Marilyn: GUH!

Marilyn as well.

Vivian: ...

Vivian as well.

Grodus was left alone in his evil crib thinking aloud.

Grodus: Filthy invalid scum...*Sigh* I think I may need to power down for a little while so I can function better with all this stress. The very little humanity I have left in my system feels rather ran down.

As Grodus was sitting in his throne, he hooked himself to a machine on his chair that can send him in a temporary stand by mode where he can power down for the evening and wake up at 7:00 AM sharp.

**[FLASHBACK/ DREAM MODE]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: April 20th, 1889. It is 1:25 AM, cloudy and 57 Degrees F.]_

**[Germany]**

Meanwhile in some hospital,

Imre Grodus (Age 33): COME ON! COME OOOOON! KEEP PUSHING! POOP THAT FUCKING BABY OUT OF YOUR STUPID CUNT ALREADY!

Unna Grodus(Age 26): AHHHHHHHH! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE FOR KNOCKING ME UP! I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL MY TAINT RIPPING AS WE SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!

Imre Grodus: SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU'RE MAKING ME TOO HORNY TO CONCENTRATE ON YELLING AT YOU!?

Unna Grodus: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

The Doctor (Age 36): IT'S OKAY! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE! YOU CAN DO IT! ALMOST! ALMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!

The baby suddenly popped out of it's mom's vadgelly successfully ripping open her taint referring to the space between her pussy and asshole now being ripped into 1 big painful bloody, gorey, shitty, fucking, fuckhole. I'm not joking. This actually does happen quite often after childbirth. THE MORE YOU KNOW!

Baby Grodus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The Doctor: I hope what I'm about to do doesn't make me look like a pedophile.

The Doctor lifted up the baby by the foot and spanked it's ass upside down in a non sexual way.

Doctor: IT'S A... Hmmm... Gosh… Not sure what gender this baby is to be honest...

Imre Grodus: WHAT!? You are saying that our baby is born without genitals!?

The Doctor: It would seem like that... hmmm...

the Doctor began to gaze closely at the baby's crotch region trying to figure out what genitals the baby be born with and for possibly pent up unresolved sexual feeling as well for newborn infants.

The Doctor: Hmmm... Let me grab my magnifying glass...

The Doctor got his magnifying glass to inspect the baby genitals.

Imre Grodus: Please be a boy, please be a boy, come on, please! Just PLEASE BE A BOY!

Docter: ... Is that a...is that a….. tiny pimple? ...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I think... I think I need my biggest microscope ever for this job...

The Doctor indeed grabbed his biggest microscope ever for this job.

Imre Grodus: SO!? Is it a boy or not!?

Doctor: Welp Imre... I have sad news for you... IT'S A BOY! ... With an incredibly and I mean INCREDIBLY FREAKISHLY small micro chode!

Imre Grodus: ...Heheheh…. Good 1 doc! ... But... It will grow, right?

Sad Music: _Träume for violin by Richard Wagner_

The Doctor: I'm.. afraid not... You see... This is not like any normal penis I have ever encountered. Meaning, it is infact the rare kind of micropenis that will stay this size... forever…*sniff*... He will have to live his life a virgin, meaning he will never repopulate, he will have to sit down to pee, he won't even be able to fucking masterbate not even with his left pinky finger. His penis is so quantitatively challenged, not even a mosquito can suck him off.

Imre Grodus: ... *sniff*... No...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! *pukes and cries on the floor in a fetal position*. SAY IT ISN'T SO DOCTER! SAY IT ISN'T SOOOoOooOoOoOoOOOOO!

Imre Grodus: It's… not fair…. IT'S NOT! HOW IS MY SON GONNA BE A FUCKING JOCK IF HE BARELY EVEN HAS A JOHNSON TO WAVE IN FRONT OF THE LADIES!? I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SAY "You're gonna have to fend of the ladies with a stick, champ" … BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE 1!

The Doctor placed the baby on a random table.

The Doctor: Your son also seems to hold the world record for smallest penis. It is so small, it cannot even be properly measured.

Imre Grodus: STOP MOCKING ME! I GET IT!

The Doctor: … May I suggest a 'post term abortion' by lethally dropping it off the rooftop?

Imre Grodus: ... Yes...I insist you do so for the good of humanity... *sniff*

The Doctor: Suit yourself... In the meantime, shall we stitch up your wife's...

They both looked at the wife on the birth chair who had been passed out from the birth and critical blood loss from her split opened taint and died.

Imre Grodus: …...My wife….. shes…. DED!

The pissed off man ripped off his shirt and started beating his chest like any gorilla character you can think of.

Imre Grodus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?

Baby Grodus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Imre Grodus grabbed his baby by the neck with both arms and nearly strangled him to deth like Homer Simpson.

Imre Grodus: YOU KILLED MY WIFE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

The Doctor: If only your son didn't contain such a meager phallic region. We could have potentially saved her and not get so distracted.

Mr. Grodus dropped his baby on the ground as he became equipped with a sudden realization.

Imre Grodus: ... I change my mind... Let some1 else endure the pain of having the child with the world's smallest penis. Have him sent to a foster home. And make the new parents name the kid "Hackett." Because Hackett means "Little Woodsman" in German, and they will never understand that despite the fact that we're totally speaking German as we speak. Now get that cursed THING out of my sight!

_[Captain's log. Stardate: September 12th, 1900. It is 12:05 PM, sunny and 78 Degrees F.]_

Sad Music: _Träume for violin by Richard Wagner_

Meanwhile in elementary school recess, Hackett (Age 11) was busy being tied up to a flag pole. It's okay. This method of bullying wasn't considered cliche yet in the turn of the century.

Kid (Age 13): _HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA! HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA! HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA! HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA! _

Hackett: STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

Random Bully: HEY EVERY1! LETS BEAT HIM UP FOR HAVING A TINY LITTLE DING DONG!

The tied up the future tyrant remained stuck as the kids started punching him and whacking him with objects like bats, and animals, and bats with animals tied onto them. Oh yeah, and they whacked him with their dicks to symbolize political hierarchy at an elementary age.

_[Captain's log. Stardate: January 18th, 1904. It is 7:06 PM, snowing and 14 Degrees F.]_

Hackett's adoptive dad (Age 42) was coming home late after a hard day at work. He slammed the door opened with some upcoming outbursts.

Hackett's adoptive dad: Hackett! HACKETT!

Hackett walked over to him from the kitchen.

Hackett (Age 15): Yeah dad?

Hackett's adoptive dad: SON! GET YOUR ASS OVER HRRRR! Every *BURP* … Every1 at work is making fun of my for *BURP* having a smelly little dick! ANd I now I feel bad!

Hackett finished his 8th bottle of Heineken beer.

Hackett: You're…. drunk again aren't you dad?

Hackett's adoptive dad: NOT I'M NO! Now Shut up! Cuz I need feel better about miiself! Now take it... take off…. the... your pants! I don't care cause i'm incest! CAUSE YOU'RE ADOPTED!

Hackett: Oh come on dad…. I'm... embarrassed.

Hackett's adoptive dad: I NEED TO COMPARE PENIS SIZES WITH YOU SO I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY SCHLONG DONG! SHUT UP OR I'M BRINGIN OUT DA BELT! NOW DROP IT- *BURP* DROP YOUR PANTS OFF!

Hackett: *sigh*... Fine...

Hackett and his adoptive drunk ass father pulled down their pants simultaneously to see who would win.

Hackett's adoptive dad: HAZA! I WIN! I WIN!

Hackett's adoptive dad started doing a German folk dance where he fell down and broke his mom's flower vase.. and got back up as if nothing happened.

Hackett's adoptive dad: I win cuz you don't even have a penis! Wait...What the? Where's your penis!?

Hackett: It's-

Hackett's adoptive dad: WHERE DID IT GO SON!? WHERE DID IT GOOOOOOOO!?

Hackett's adoptive mom (Age 41) walked downstairs.

Hackett's adoptive mom: What's going on!?

Hackett's adoptive dad: I CAN'T FIND MY *BURP* ADOPTIVE SON'S PENIS!

Hackett's adoptive mom: WHAT!? OH MY GOD! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Hackett's adoptive mom puked on the floor realizing how small of a weiner her son has.

Sad Music: _Träume for violin by Richard Wagner (Yes. I'm using this for the flashbacks cause this song actually made Hitler cry)_

Hackett started crying as he was getting intensely hazed for his tiny schlong.

Hackett's adoptive mom: WAIT! I think see it! … Barely though! OH MY GOD! IS IT REALLY THAT SMALL!? HOW DO YOU GO FUCKING PEEPEE!?

Hackett: THE SAME WAY YOU DO MOM!

Hackett's adoptive mom: SILENCE! I'M NOT YOUR MOM! AND YOU'RE NOT MY SON! *Starts crying*

Hackett's adoptive dad: I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Hackett's adoptive dad puked on Hackett's adoptive mom.

Hackett's adoptive dad: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE HACKETT! TAKE YOUR SMALL DICK, AND GO FAR AWAY! AND NEVER COME BACK!

Hackett: BUT DAD! PLEASE!

Hackett's adoptive dad: DAT'S IT! I'M GETTING OUT DA BELT OUT!

Hackett's adoptive dad pulled out his belt and chased Hackett out while whipping his back with the metal part of the belt.

Hackett: I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!

Hackett ran off during a snowstorm.

Hackett's adoptive mom fell on her knees and continued weeping like a bitch over her adoptive son's phallic disfigurement..

Hackett's adoptive dad: It's,.. it's okay hunny... It's okay... He's gone...forever….. We'll never have to see him... or his FREAKISHLY SMALL COCK... every again... *BUUUUUUUUUUUUURP*! I needed to let that 1 out for awhile.

_[Captain's log. Stardate: June 2nd, 1912. It is 3:15 PM, rainy and 68 Degrees F.]_

Hackett (Age 23) was with his jewish wife about to get married in a Sinangag.

Priest (Age 57): You may now kiss the bride I guess.

Hackett and his wife Nina (Age 26) kissed declaring their marriage for all to see. This was long before facebook existed back when marriage was confirmed by partners kissing instead of clicking a couple buttons on a shitty website.

Meanwhile in the bedroom,

Nina: Alright Hackett... This is it… the moment we've been waiting for for about 4 years is coming! Are you excited?

Hackett: ...

Nina: What's wrong?

Hackett: ...

Nina: If there's something you're not telling me, you can say it. I'm your wife. I'll love you no manner what sweety.

Hackett: You... you... promise?

Nina: I Promise.

Hackett: *sigh* Alright... I'll come clean...You see... The reason why I've been so absonant... is because... ... ... ...

Nina: Please hunny... you can say it...

Hackett: ...You see... this isn't easy for me to say...I...penis...

Nina: Penis?

Hackett: Is... small...

Nina: What are you saying?

Hackett: ... I have a small penis, alright?

Nina: Oh... hahahha... HAHAHAHAHA...

Hackett started to blush in embarrassment.

Hackett: You're laughing at me, aren't you...

Nina: No silly! Come on... I'm sure it isn't THAT bad. Honestly, I think they have more flavor that way!

Hackett: You... really think so?

Nina: I know so.

Hackett: SWEET! You really are the perfect wife you know that!?

Hackett pulled down his pants getting ready to perform some maritals.

Nina: ...

Hackett: So? WHAT'YA THINK!?

Nina:...hmmm….. I guess you're not the man I thought you were...

Hackett: Uhh…. What?

Nina: You really expect us to lose our virginities together... with THAT!? You… You RUINED this marriage you asshole!

Sad Music: _Träume for violin by Richard Wagner_

Hackett: But... I thought you loved small penises!

Nina: BUT THAT'S TOO SMALL! I CAN'T EVEN SEE IT! YOUR BALLS MUST BE 2 GRAINS OF SAND! That's it! I want a divorce, NOW!

Hackett: But I thought you loved me!?

Nina: WELL MAYBE! I WAS WRONG! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU PHALLICALLY CHALLENGED BOARD!

Hackett: But I love you!

Nina pulled out a kitchen knife like a psychopath and pointed it at him.

Nina: GET OUT OF HERE OR I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

Hackett: HUNNY PLEASE!

Nina started swinging the knife at him as a fear tactic.

Nina: AND TAKE YOU RING BACK!

Nina threw her ring at Hackett.

Hackett: FINE! I'M LEAVING! ROT IN HELL BITCH!

_[Captain's log. Stardate: October 24th, 1917. It is 11:49 AM, sunny and 62 Degrees F.]_

At this point, Hackett (Age 28) was a soldier in WWI (World War 1 if you really don't get what it means when you see "WWI") and was in the showering room.

Soldier 1: AY HACKETT! YOUR AN AMAZING SOLDIER BRO!

Soldier 2: Your combat skills really saved our well tones straight man asses out there!

Soldier 3: Yeah! We may even win the war you're so goddamn talented!

Hackett: Wow. Thanks guys! We really are like family out there aren't we!? All for 1 and 1 for all right!?

Soldiers: YEAH!

Soldier 3 grabbed his crotch like Michael Jackson not knowing who he is cuz he ain't born yet.

Soldier 2: Alright! What do you say we manly badasses hit the showers! Our hot soldier bodies aren't gonna clean themselves right!?

Soldier 1: HEAH! LET'S GET NEKKID!

All but Hackett shamelessly pulled down their towels exposing their smooth well toned rock hard abs.

Soldier 3: Sayyyyy… why are you still wearing your towel Hackett?

Soldier 1: Yeah! WHAT ARE YOU, GAY OR SOMETHING!? GET NAKED WITH US!

Hackett: No thanks...

Soldier 2: Come on! We're all guys here, bro!

Soldier 1: Yeah! It's nothing we've never seen before, bro!

Soldier 3 had his arms behind him as he was seeing how many times he can perfectly twirl his penis around without any fuck ups. It ended up being 16 ½ times.

Hackett: I have a curse guys... Every1 who sees my penis automatically hates me!

Soldier 1: We would never even DREAM about hating the man who is going to win WWI for us! That's a bunch of bullshit bro! COME ON! Just take you towel off already so we can get clean!

Soldier 1 forcefully pulled off Hackett's towel unveiling his micro pecker.

All the soldiers: ... GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE KILL YOU!

Sad Music: _Träume for violin by Richard Wagner (last times)_

Hackett: THAT'S IT! I'M FED UP WITH THIS WORLD!

Hackett was kicked out of the army. Oh yeah, about a year later, the Germans lost World War 1. LOL!

_[Captain's log. Stardate: June 28th, 1924. It is 11:49 AM, sunny and 62 Degrees F.]_

Hackett (Age 35) was sneaking into a top secret military lab.

Hackett: THIS IS IT! I am finally gonna start a new life! A new vision, identity, a new original form of power the world has yet to see! Yeah…. This world has caused me so much pain! ALL BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING PENIS! So I'll show them… I'll show all of them. No more will I be beaten up, or neglected, or demonized for my disfigurement! I will now compensate harder than I ever have before in my life! Or any1's life for that manner!

Hackett pulled out an axe from who knows where.

Hackett: THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING, OF THE END OF MY RIDICULE!

Suddenly, Hackett brutally chopped off his left arm on the adrenalin of a lifetime of pent up rage. Blood was everywhere and it was painful as fuck, CUZ HE CHOPPED HIS OWN ARM OFF!

Even so, with only 1 arm, Hackett mechanized a robot arm that he manually wired and implanted into his nervous system replacing his human arm without any anesthesia.

Hackett: I CAN GET ADDICTED TO THIS!

Hackett with his new left arm, grabbed the axe again, and despite all blood sweat and semen, he hacked off his right arm, and did the same procedure of rebuilding a 2nd robot arm! Piece by piece, he continued to sebber off his own limbs 1st before replacing each part with a robotic limb. He even cut off his 16 bit dick, and replaced it with a 16 inched mecha cock. Soon, all that remained was his brain (That kind of rhymed). He kept his brain in a steel coated septic tank blocked by computerized hardware. Even his brain was hooked up with wires and machinery to enhance his skills and reflexes. This turned him into more of a relentless psychopath than he already is and will be.

Hackett: Yes... YES! I AM…... COMPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETE! I HAVE COMPENSATED HARDER THAN ANY MORTAL EVER COULD! From this day forward, I will take back my last name of birth, and call myself; SIR GRODUS!

Thunder struck despite it being bright and sunny according to the captain's log.

Sir. Grodus: Take that father! And now I will stretchingly butcher my 1st name you have given me, and turn it into an evil laugh. GACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!

**[END OF FLASHBACK/ DREAM MODE]**

**Chapture 5 - 2: The Fat Suit**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 12:02 AM, partially cloudy and 69 Degrees F Room Temperature.]_

Peach was busy sitting on the toilet in her bathroom killing time by taking a shitty online quiz she found on facebook that confirms how old some1 really is.

Peach: WTF!? 3?!I GOT 3? Oh look! Then it says "TRY ACTING YOUR AGE"!? FUCK THIS! THIS IS BULLSHIT! I REPEAT, BULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!i!

Peach (Age 34) threw her expensive yet easily breakable Mushroom phone at the wall smashing it into 100 tiny pieces.

Peach: I WILL SUE, WHOEVER MADE THAT IMMATURE QUIZ! *panting* I'M NOT IMMATURE! I'M NOT! THEY ARE! THEY ARE!

Peach rolled off the toilet and started having a pathetic toddler like tantrum on the floor over the facebook quiz. She kicked and screamed, tore off the shower curtains, took a bite of her soap bar, smashed the mirror like in that Black Flag album cover, and just basically made a mess out of the entire bathroom. Sadly, there was no fecal matter involved for all you pervy little ding dongs out there this time.

Suddenly, the speakers in the Peach bathroom blasted TEC's voice.

TEC: PEACH! PEACH! FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM! I REPEAT, FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!

Peach: SHUT UP! CAN'T A BITCH HAVE A TANTRUM RIGHT NOW!?

Tec: PEACH! PEACH! FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM! I REPEAT FIND THE COMPUTER-

Peach: I KNOW WHERE TO FIND YOU, NOW SHUT UP OR I AM GOING TO UNPLUG YOU!

Peach was successfully able to walk to the TEC room due to the X-Nauts being too busy having a sexually obscure beauty pageant involving peanut butter and toothpicks.

Tec: Hola, Princess Peach.

Peach: Hola? The fuck does that mean?

Tec: Sorry. I recently received an update where I have to say hello in other languages to feel as though I'm educating the mass media.

Peach: Well stop it. It makes you sound dumb. Anyway, what it is this time? I was busy destroying my bathroom!

Tec: My earnest apologies Princess. Don't worry. I am not currently curious about horny. Instead, I want you to go to Sir Grodus' evil throne room and ask him about specific information that brought an...issue to my system. And it really makes me... Rrrrangry.

Peach: I'm sorry... You want MII to ask that mecha jerk off a question!? Like...ME just... walking into his throne room!? You do realize that he'll send henchmen to have me thrown in a rape tank right? You think my genitals can handle that!? Like, are you trying to give me a yeast infection!? HUH? HUH!? COME ON! ANSWER ME!

Peach stomped towards the computer, hopped on the keyboard, and started pounding on the screen doing little to no damage to it.

Tec: Don't you think you're jumping the gun a little?

Peach: I DON'T, LIKE, BEING, COOPED UP, IN A PRISON CELL, BY NEW, VILLAINS!

Tec: If you'll let me finish, you will understand that my plan won't get you sexually assaulted!

Peach: *Panting* fine... you win again bitch... I just don't see how your suppose to be "the best computer in the world" and NOT know whatever the fuck you're talking about.

Tec: Your mission, is to find the X-Naut's changing room. Take the elevator 2 floors up from here. Then find the changing room where you will find an X-Naut uniform and change into it. Since this suit will majically disguise you to look fat and short for some reason, you should visually appear as a passable X-Naut which will avoid any1 detecting you as Princess Peach. Finally, you will go see Sir Grodus disguised as an X-Naut.

Peach: What? Are you saying i'm FAT and SHORT!? HUH!? HUH!?

Tec: PEACH! ... please... just STOP! Stop misinterpreting me.

Peach: Yeah whatever... Does this place at least have a room number so I can find it faster?

Tec: Sadly no, you have to actually memorize where all the rooms are by heart.

Peach: But isn't that-

Tec: Idiotic and insufficient? Agreed. See look, we're already finishing each other's sentences like a-

Peach: Right... *sigh* ... Fine, I guess. Looks like i'm wearing a gross fat suit that probably reeks of rotten blue cheese... Well, are you going to tell me what you want me to go ask this Sir. Chodus?

Tec: I will tell you when you make it into the changing room. Also, I highly discourage you from referring to him as "Chodus" for that last person that did was terminated. He has a troubled past i'm not allowed to talk about.

Peach: Okay, but wouldn't it make more sense to tell me the question now?

Tec: No. Because the probability of you remembering the question is at a low 4% do to your incompetent attention span. If I tell you after putting the suit on, you should have at least an 80% chance of remembering.

Peach: Wow... fuck you too dude. What am I doing again?

Tec: … *sigh* Just... do your best remembering to remember shit...

Peach: Yeah yeah... I get it. SHUT UP!

Later after Peach figured out how the fuck to use the elevator even though Tec opened it for her leading into some stupid screaming match with her and the strange computer about getting in an opened elevator, she reached the 2nd floor upward! Yay for her! But seriously, some1 needs to donate some charity to help her dumb ass get by.

Peach: Alright cool. So I made it up. Now what do I do?

Tec: Look for the room with the green light above it. That will be the changing room you are looking for.

Peach: You mean you couldn't have told me that earlier?

Tec: Do I have to re-explain the probability of your memory again?

Peach: Thanks dad. What? Are you gonna haze me for smoking K2 now?

Tec: Just walk to the damn door.

Peach: Not if you're gonna be rude to me again!

Tec: *Sigh* Please... walk to the door.

Peach: Nuh uh! Now you have to say "pretty please!"

Tec: ... Pretty Please?

Peach: LoL! Okay, now say "pretty please with sugar, whipped cream, and a cherr-

Tec: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

Peach: Suit yourself asshole...

After Peach walked into the wrong direction like a dumbass who doesn't know where her class is on the 1st day of school, she successfully figured out where the fuck the door with the green light is. Meaning the changing room.

Tec: Please get butt ass naked here. Quickly. The X-Naut uniform is in the locker.

Peach: God I hate to term "butt ass naked." It makes me feel all weird about my butt.

Peach opened the locker room finding the crusty jizz coated X-Naut uniform that hasn't been used since Studio 54 was a big thing.

Peach: Eww! I was right! It DOES smell like blue cheese! ... Ehh... I don't know about this… Do you really want me to put this on?

Tec: Yes.

Peach: But... what if I get pregnant?

Tec: 0% probability due to fertile matter long exceeding its half life after a maximum of 2 days - to 5 minutes.

Peach: Fine.. If you're wrong, i am so gonna rape you Tec!

Peach stripped her clothes off while pretending to be a stripper for shits and giggles while doing it, and managed to put on the X-Naut uniform making her look like a convincing transgender- I MEAN... X-Naut!

Peach: I can hardly breath. Am I wearing this right?

Tec: Yes. Also, I recommend you make your voice sound like a raspy 50 year old smoker who lives in a strip club.

Peach: OH! I know what they sound like! Tee hee. So what now?

Tec: Go to Grodus' throne room. I will open the door and disturb his slumber for you.

Peach: That sounds like an idea that might get me killed...

Tec: If Grodus get's angry and looks like he's ready to kill you, just use this code to calm him down. This code is...

After Tec announced the code, Peach as you'd expect, suffered from more embarrassing confusion where she made finding Grodus' office more of an obstacle than it really should've been. Thankfully she did find it... right NOW.

The door opened disturbing more dry Grodus flashbacks of his shitty life.

Grodus: WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER!? I was just having a relaxing dream about my life story!

Peach: Uhh... Excuse me... uhhh... Grodus? Yeah, Grodus!

Grodus: You will address me as SIR. Grodus! Now speak! And so help me god, you better not give me a half assed update about nothing or so help me God! I will zap you into a FUCKING INFINITY LOOP!

The princess in cognito begin to panic and started talking to herself.

Peach: Uuuhhhhhhh,,,,.,.,..,,.,.,,...,... Oh... crap... Tec forgot to tell me the question... I am so fucked now...

Peach: I know!

Grodus: Wait... why don't you sound like you have barbed cock down your throat like the other henchmen!?

Peach: Oh whoopsies… I mean, whoops. I was just doing a Princess Peach impression. Since we have her captured and all. *Clears Throat* Is this better?

Grodus: Yes it is... But regardless... YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO TELL ME SOMETHING IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!

Peach: Uhhh...

Grodus: 5, 4!

Peach: UUUHHH!

Grodus: 3!

Peach: WAIT!

Grodus: 2!

Peach: I remember the code now!

Grodus: 1!

Peach: I FUCKING HATE KIKES!

Grodus: ...

Peach: ...

Grodus: ...he...hehe...hehehe...HEHEHHEHEHEHEEE... GACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK ACK ACK ACK ACK AAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Peach: Oh phew...

Grodus: *panting* Oh man... That was a good 1 henchmen... Say, what's your hench number?

Peach: 274. ... 1/2

Grodus: 274 1/2! Thank you for giving me such an extravagant laugh I haven't experienced in ages. Alright... I'll let you take your time. What do you need?

Peach: Alright... uhhh... hmmm... I KNOW! Soooo...what do you plan to do with Princess Peach?

Grodus: Hmm… Good question. I know alot of you X-Nauts are hell bent on raping her, but I wanna keep her body absolutely perfect. Understood? Keep it fine, pure, clean, and untouched. Let all of our fellow henchmen know that I do not want any physical harm done to her. Especially Robotnik. He seems to be the most eccentric and perverted among every1 I've ever seen.

Peach: Eww... So... then, why…*clears throat* Why in the hell are we keeping her around?

Grodus: That information is not for you to know you impudent worm! All you're expected to do is either A: Kill Team M, and B: Collect the remaining 3 dedly stars. If it isn't obvious already, we need that treasure to rule the world! GACK ACK ACK ACK AAAACK!

thunder randomly sounded aloud as Grodus projected his evil laugh.

Peach: The world? Like... the whole world?

Grodus: Saaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Something's wrong with you... You're not being whacky or a perverted circus freak... But instead, you just question me...

Peach: ...

Peach pulled down the bottom part of her X-Naut uniform exposing her front butt and comedically queefed really loudly in front of Grodus.

Grodus: … Okay nevermind. You do seem like a normal X-Naut after all. Although none of them have a vadgelly per-say... Although at this rate, I shouldn't be too surprised. You probably cut off your genitals and just gave yourself an axe wound instead. I can be very understanding when it comes to... self mutilation with an axe. Alright, you can leave now.

Grodus: Oh. And just 1 more thing. You haven't happened to hear of any name mocking that of my own good name correct?

Peach: No. Why?

Grodus: Are you sure? Are you sure you haven't heard of any name affiliating mine with the term "Chode"?

Peach: No. I don't even get it. Is that some kind of joke or something?

Grodus: ... Okay... You pass. But if I find out that you're lying, I'll give you a deth so slow and painful, not even a kike joke will save your ass. VERSTANDEN!?

Peach: Yessiree.

Grodus: Alright. Now I gotta go back the fuck to sleep. SO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Peach: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Peach ran off and closed the door right before Grodus attempted to chuck a random bottle of jesus juice at her.

Meanwhile on the same floor,

X-Naut #24: God damnit 21! I can't believe you blatantly sharted yourself right before we got on stage!

X-Naut #21: Aww I'm sorry. I just get so nervous during those X-Naut Beauty Pageants.

X-Naut #24: We covered CANDY all over our uniforms! I glued Mikes to mine, and you did yours with Ikes, and we were gonna go back to back as Mike and Ikes. It was going to be wonderful! I mean, we TOTALLY could have had a chance to win that contest if you didn't shart yourself!

X-Naut #21: Okay okay! I get it! I already feel enough like an asshole already without you having it at me.

X-Naut #24: Yeah. An asshole who shits his pants before we even step foot on stage. We could have won that Sega 32X you know! And I've always wanted 1 of those!

X-Naut #21: Yeah... Don't remind me...

X-Naut #24: Now go clean yourself up in the locker room. I'm sick of smelling your shit in your suit.

X-Naut #21: *sigh* fine... I think there's still an extra uniform in this room.

X-Naut #21 went in the changing room where Peach was earlier.

X-Naut #24 spotted the Peach in X-Naut form.

X-Naut #24: Hey buddy! What's your name!?

Peach: Uhh... *clears throat* X-Naut 274 sir!

X-Naut #24: 274 is in the pageant already...

Peach: Oh, sorry. I'm actually X-Naut 274 1/2!

X-Naut #24: Oh. Nice to meet you then! So wait, why aren't you in the pageant yourself? Cuz that's where all the other Nauts are at right now.

Peach: Pageant!? Oh man I'd so win that- *clears throat* I mean... why aren't you?

X-Naut #24: Oh geez, long story. So my partner, 21 and I were competing and he got super nervous, so he kind of... I feel like a bad friend for saying this out loud, but he kind of... yeah... sharted himself. So now I'm waiting for him to finish changing into a new suit.

Peach: Wait, he's in the changing room right now!?

X-Naut #24: Well... yeah. Why?

Suddenly, Peach's X-Naut suit suddenly vanished as if the reasons weren't totally for spontaneous fan service at all. X-Naut 24 popped a 6.4 inch boner.

Peach: ... Oh crap in a hat...

X-Naut #24: Oh no way! It's naked Peach!

Peach: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!I!i1!i1i1i1!$^%&amp; !^^*^*# !$%&amp;#$ !

Peach ran off for dear life, quickly operated the elevator and left immediately.

X-Naut #24: Holy Macaroni! I just saw Princess Peach naked! Again! ZING!

X-Naut #24 balled his hand into a fist in front of his face to express his accomplishment of seeing naked princesses unconsentually.

X-Naut #21 busted out the door with his pants still soiled.

X-Naut #21: WHAT!? YOU JUST SAW PRINCESS PEACH NAKED AGAIN!?

X-Naut #24: Yeah! Oh man! You missed it? Sucks to be you bro!

X-Naut #21: It's okay! I saw her naked when we were watching her shower before I had that bloody nose. But damn! That's wikked awesome! It's like we're living in 1 of my [AO] Rated Mario Games. Speaking of which, I found Peach's Dress in the locker!

X-Naut #21 raised up the Peach dress like Link while he did the DADADADAAAAA! thing like a loser.

X-Naut #24: Oh dude! No way!

X-Naut #21: Yeah way! Smell it!

The 2 X-Naut's started smelling the Princess dress like a drug.

X-Naut #24: What are we gonna do with it?

X-Naut #21: I know what i'm gonna do with it! Imma gonna wear this, to the pageant and win that Sega 32X!

X-Naut #24: What do you mean "YOU" get to wear it!? I'm wearing it!

X-Naut #21: What!? No way! 1, you already have her thong. 2, I found it!

X-Naut #24: Yeah, but you sharted yourself! You'll probably just smear your gross crap all over the dress with your ass!

X-Naut #21: IT WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT!

X-Naut #24: IT WAS ALOOOOOOOOOT!

X-Naut #21: OKAY, THAT'S IT!

21 tackled 24 and they started wrestling over the dress like a couple of incestuous breeding retards in a haystack. Sadly, none of them made it back to the pageant in time.

Alright, back to Peach now.

Peach went back to her floor where she tried opening her door, but it was locked.

Peach: GOD DAMNIT TEC! OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!

As soon as the door opened, Peach then ran butt ass nekkid into Tec's room.

Tec: Welcome back Princess Peach.

Peach: TEC! You terrible machine! What the hell was wrong with that suit you told me to wear!?

Tec: You must have grabbed the majical suit that disappears for no reason.

Peach: DISSA-WHAT!? Wwwhy didn't you tell me it would do that!? I had to run back here with my tits flopping all over the place like a coked out orangatang!

Tec: Incorrect. From what I can calculate, you appear to only possess A cup sized breasts.

Peach: DO NOT stifle my naked body! So wait, hold on! You KNEW that suit would happen didn't you!? Cuz you directed me to a room that you KNEW had that suit in it! YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH TWISTED PERVERTED COMPUTER! You wanna know what "horny" is!? WELL CHECK YOUR CIRCUITS AND TELL ME TEC! CHECK YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING CIRCUITS!

Peach spat on the keyboard in hopes that it would destroy the computer.

Tec: Did you answer my question for Grodus.

Peach: I... Answered "A question." Like, "Why the hell am I'm being held captive?" Was that it?

Tec: ... Incorrect. I wanted you to ask why Grodus doesn't play with me any more. Like, not even flash Games like Super Smash Flash or nothing...

Peach: You... made me do all that so you I can ask Grodus' evil metal ass about him now using you for flash games!? YOU INCONSIDERATE BASTARD! Oh yeah! Speaking of you working for Grodus! He did inform me about your plan to take over the world. Like, WHAT THE FUCK TEC!? THAT'S MY JOB!

Tec: Of course. My purpose of creation was to assist Grodus in his world domination antics to create his final solution for a world wide utopian society. WIth him in charge, the world will be ethnically cleansed of human vermin, and the Astro-Nazis… I mean, X-Nauts will rule as the elite dominating superpower of this planet.

Peach: Ethnically cleansed? Utopia? Final solution? I don't even get what those terms mean.

Tec: Peach. Allow me to ask you something. Do you even like the world we live in? There are so many things wrong with the world. Pain, sorrow, war, climate change, hunger, murder, disease, rape, Duck Dynasty. We can make the world better and fix all of those problems in life and many more with complete and utter unity and order making it perfectly sufficient. Collecting the 7 stars will help us achieve our full control of exterminating inferiors, which is part of our master plan to achieve the perfect goal. So I ask you again Peach, Do you even like the world we live in?

Peach: You're asking me if I love the world? FUCK YAAA! Of course I love the world how it is now! I get to be hot, and a Princess. I rule the Mushroom Kingdom! Which honestly rules the world as the dominating superpower to be honest with you. Plus! I'm already working on exterminating inferiors out there too. The black people! Tee hee. Minus being captured alot, I love being me, and I have the world around my little finger and such! Besides. There's plenty of beautiful things out there to live for. You know, like flowers and stuff.

TEC: ...Is that so...

Peach: Now it's my turn to ask YOU a question! What the hell do keeping me captured and finding 7 Dedly Stars have anything to do with world domination? And what's beyond the 1000 Year Door? Cuz whatever it is, I think I want some of that too!

TEC: I am not allowed to answer that for it is against my programming designed by Grodus himself to do so.

Princess Peach: Well... But...Fuck sakes. Oh, never mind. Lemmy just write Mario back to see if it will make some difference…..

TEC: ... Despite feelings of perpetual jealousy, I will affirm this action for you.

The pissed off still naked Princess wrote another poorly grammatical email you will read in the 4th part of the chapture as always.

Peach: Now send it this instant!

Tec: You're acting like a bitch of a train wreck right now...

Tec sent the message.

Peach: And if you had a face, I'd smack your lights out!

Peach smacked Tec's screen doing absolutely [0 Damage] aside from hurting Peach's right knuckle.

Tec: The message was successfully sent. Well then, Peach. You've had a busy day. Go back to your room, please.

Princess Peach: Fuck you Tec. You owe me a new dress, phone, and thong!

Peach left the computer room as she was slamming her right fist on the hallway wall next to her as she was walking back to her Princessy prison room.

Tec: Goodnight Princess Peach?

**Chapture 5 - 3: Hag V.S. Hag... AWESOME!**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 7:03 AM, partially cloudy and 62 Degrees F]_

**[The Great Tree of Might... Oh wait... what's left of it. Remember what happened last chapture?]**

Bowser and his ancient wretched vile no good assistant thing Kammy Koopa somehow made their way to what used to be the Great Tree of Might. Sadly, this is no longer a tree. But instead, it's a black burnt giant hole deep in the ground big enough to fit a giant tree inside. If you're reading this for the 1st time and you don't know what the fuck i'm talking about, go to chapture 4 - 4 and FIND OUT!

Puness: Hey, what's that big bad steroid goblin looking thing marching toward us!?

Puniko: It's humunguziods!

Punathan: That must be the monster face who burnt down the tree and now he's finishing the job!

Puniper: Guys. Stop being retards! It's clearly Bowser.

Punathan: Who's that? I grew up with Fallout!

Punio: That's Bowser!? He's Mario's arch nemesis! He's so big and fat! Almost fatter than Puniper's ass! Ass Burgers Ass Burgers Ass Burgers

Puniper: HEY! I'M GONNA CUT YOUR ANTENNA OFF, AND SHOVE IT UP THE FAR DEPTHS OF YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T STOP YOUR GOD DAMN FAT SHAMING!

Petuni: HE'S GETTING CLOSER! CAN'T WE JUST HIDE UNDER THE PILED OF BURNT BUSHES AND MUTILATE EACH OTHER LATER!? THAT THING IS GONNA USE US AS FOOD PORN IF WE DON'T HIDE!

Punio: GOOD CALL! EVERY1! RUN! ILLUMINATI ILLUMINATI ILLUMINATI

All of the punies hid under what's left of the bushes which somehow worked as successful hiding spots due to Bowser and Kammy dysfunctional vision.

Bowser: GWARHARHARHAAAAR! I bet the next star we're looking for is going to be here somewhere!

Kammy Koopa: And why is that your autisticness?

Bowser: BECAUSE! NO fucking person would ever look inside this burnt shit hole of a location. You'd have to be MENTALLY RETARDED to check here!

Kammy Koopa: You don't say...

Bowser: I DO SAY! WHAT? YOU GOTTA PROBLEM THAT?! HUH!? WHAT!? WANNA TAKE IT OUTSIDE BRAH! CUZ I'M READY TO BRO THE FUCK DOWN, BRAH!

Bowser spread out his arms like a bro-tard to assert his insecure faggy dominance.

Kammy Koopa: Well... There must have been some kind of satanic ritual that was started by some damn rotten teenagers who think they'll get laid by starting fires. And why does every place we seem to wonder to always seem destroyed? It's almost as if some1 is 2 chaptures ahead of us having all the fun.

Bowser: I bet it's that gay fat slop slut Mario who beat me at Glitzville yesterday by throwing Vodka in my mouth and calling my piss a "joke" cause APPERANTLY, it tastes like Air Heads GODAMNIT I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH! I HATE HIM I HATE HIIIIIIMMMMMMMM!RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!1

The mouth breathing Koopa impulsively breathed fire on a random branch sticking out of the tree hole that crushed a few of the hiding punies. Good day not be a Puni huh? At least you have access to a fucking computer. That's how you're reading this shit, right? Or at least with some kind of electronic shit.

Kammy Koopa: What are you whining about now?

Bowser: None of your business! You're an old bitchwitch! Which means YOU DON'T HAVE A SOUL! Which also means, YOU DON'T MATTER! SO FUCK YOU!

Kammy got pissed off at Bowser's rude comment and smacked him across the jugular with her cane like a bad ol' BITCH!

Bowser: OWW! … Dont hit people IN THE JUGULAR WITH RODS WOMAN!

Kammy Koopa: Then! Don't curse at your elders, you overgrown toddler!

Bowser: I AM NOT A TODDLER! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!

Bowser started stomping all over the place to express that he is indeed not a damn toddler. Most of the other Punies ran off during this.

Bowser: Great... Now my neck is bleeding. Happy!?

Kammy Koopa: It's not bleeding. You're just being dramatic.

Bowser: WELL IT IS! Great... now I need more Air Heads so I can fix my problems!

Kammy Koopa: What the hell is with your obsession with Air Heads anyway!?

Bowser: AN OBSESSION YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND! NOW OUT OF THE WAY!

Bowser walked to the other direction from Kammy making his "OUT OF THE WAY" comment completely rhetorical. Bowser began looking around in the burnt bushes desperately looking for some fucking damn Air Heads.

Kammy Koopa: Bowser! I highly doubt you'll find any Air Heads in here!

Bowser: If I don't find any right now, so help me GOD I will commit seppuku and respawn in an Air Heads factory for desperate measures!

Kammy Koopa: Then can't you just teleport where Peach is?

Bowser: NO! Cause I don't know where she is!

Bowser eventually found a Puni with a purple antenna sticking out of the twigs.

Bowser: I FOUND AN AIR HEAD! MY WISH BECAME TRUE! MWAHAHAHAHHA! FEAR ME NOW!?

Kammy Koopa: No.

Bowser: Well too bad!

Bowser suddenly took a bite of the antenna realizing it was the Elder Puni who moved out of the way and saved her (yes it's still a she) antenna from getting devoured by the challenged Koopa. Elder Puni grew into the size of a Bowser to interject.

Elder Puni: WATCH WHERE YOU'RE BITING YOU MORBIDLY OBESE WAD OF CANCER!

Bowser: WHAT? YOU CAN TALK!? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF CANDY IS THIS!?

Elder Puni: I'M NOT CANDY RETARD! I AM A GOD DAMN PUNI! AN ELDER PUNI AT THAT! AND YOU WILL RESPECT YOUR ELDERS YOU SPOILED BRAT!

Kammy Koopa: See!? This 1 gets it!

Bowser: ... So... You're not Air... Heads? ... AWW MAN! Great! Just great! I'm never gonna eat things I find from the ground on salvia ever again!

Kammy Koopa: Where do you keep finding all of this salvia!?

Elder Puni: So you must be the evil doers that burned down our home! I bet you were trying to cook us for a picnic or something huh!?

Bowser: No. That picnic was like, so totally 2 days ago.

Kammy Koopa: Oh please! Don't be so modest! We literally have a much better taste for food than feeding on your grey fugly looking species.

Elder Puni grew into the size of a world champion of League of Legends.

Elder Puni: How RUDE! "Grey fugly looking species"!? You have got some nerve mocking our great Puni race. Has your species looked in a mirror lately? You Koopa things might as well be rejected drunk looking Loony Tunes characters that barely even know how to walk left to right. How does it feel being the wretched old crone of your failed species!?

Kammy Koopa: DON'T GROW THAT BIG IN FRONT OF ME! ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK YOU BIG EYED WRINKLY NEAR DED RAISON!

Elder Puni: You're a Raison!

Kammy Koopa: You're a Raison!

Elder Puni: No! You're a Raison!

Kammy Koopa: No! You're a Raison!

Elder Puni: Wait... what are we talking about again?

Kammy Koopa: Uhh... Hmmm... Let's see... .something about us insulting each other?... Oh yeah! I remember now!

Kammy Koopa: You're a twig!

Bowser: Hmmmmm

Elder Puni: No! You're a grape!

Kammy Koopa: No! You are!

Elder Puni: Shut up! You're a cuck!

Kammy Koopa: I bet you'll die sooner than me! Cause you're older than me!

Elder Puni: I'm in my 60s! Besides, you look way older! What are you, 300?

Kammy Koopa: AHA! Jokes on you cause I actually forgot how old I am, so I win!

Bowser folded his arms and closed his eyes pretending to be a badass with a bad ass line I stole from the Paper Mario: TTYD Transcript.

Bowser: It's hag vs. hag! Awesome!

Kammy Koopa and Elder Puni: SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

Bowser: No! Fuck you both! I feel like i'm in a graveyard looking at your ded gross corpses right now.

Kammy Koopa: What's that? It sounds like you wanna get smacked again!

Bowser: Whatever. I'm gonna take the leap of faith and be the smart 1 for 1ce. Hand over the dedly star, Puni! And you better do it fast before I get bored and start a Puni Genocide.

Elder Puni: Oh that ol' thing... Yeah... Tough luck tub-tard! A 1980's porn star mustachioed man named Marty McFly has it! He said he was collecting the legendary treasures too.

Bowser: YOU MEAN MICHAEL J FOX WAS HERE AND NO 1 TOLD ME!?

Kammy Koopa: It's "MARIO"! Not "MARTY MCFLY"! ...You're even more senile than me! So Mario's really is on this adventure huh?

Bowser: What? Mario's on this adventure too? Oh no... this is the 1st time I'm hearing of this. Say it ain't so so. Oh no...

Kammy Koopa: You don't sound as surprised as you should.

Bowser: Welp, I kind of knew about it already...

Kammy Koopa: What?

Bowser: Nothing. UUhhhh… You're probably mishearing shit as always. Now can you 2 just... I don't know. Cheer me up and fight to the deth or something? I've always wanted to see an old people dethmatch up close.

Kammy Koopa: Sure!

Elder Puni: I don't see why not!

The 2 old smelly old ass female characters suddenly duked it out with Elder Puni biting Kammy Koopa in the nose while Kammy kept bashing the elder with her staff to get her off! They kept rolling around bumping into the walls and breaking many hips. They would take breaks forgetting that they were fighting getting distracted by urinating in their old people diapers but then they'd resume. It sounded like it was entertaining to Bowser at 1st in his mind, but he got bored and just felt like killing himself. So he fell asleep instead cause why the fuck not, right?

**Chapture 5 - 4: A Glitzville Goodbye!**

You know the drill. CHARACTER LOGS!

Mario (Age 43): A pissed off bastard with an abysmal reputation for sex, violence, and partying. He is a videogame star, the leader of Team M, a former plumber, convicted felon, and now he's a famous fucking wrestler that got famous for it in a matter of a few hours. His offensive god complex has little to no social filter and somehow almost always knows how to deus ex machina his way through anything. He is not some1 you would want to hang out with because there is a 0% chance you or any1 else would ever get along with him.

Goombella (Age 21): An ambitious Liberal Arts college Goomba student on summer break and 1 of the big driving forces of this journey. She is the potential smart 1 of the group... which isn't saying much. She is well known for being a reactionary character due to her having a short fuse. She tends to think of herself as culturally educated and sophisticated which we all know she's really neither.

Koops (Age 18): The Asspieish Koopa partner that either doesn't think clearly or thinks clearly but doesn't speak clearly. Or maybe he lacks oxygen. Who knows. But yeah, this mental virgin is a big time punching bag of the group as his annoying goofy and spacey personality gets him in alot of trouble with his team mates. He tends to say the worst things at the worst times because like the rest of Team M, he's still a dumbass.

Flurrie (Age 49): A fat horny retard cloud thing that happens to be a partner of Team M. She rarely does anything useful for the team and when she does, you still regret seeing it. It usually involves her doing something involving her butt or pussy. This rapist has a fetish for just about everything except for condoms. She is also quite possibly 1 of the grossest, if not, the single grosest characters I've ever written. But she's not just gross, she's really arrogant to the point to where she with no exaggeration, believes that world revolves around her fat ass making her a very unlikable character.

Yoshi (Age 1 Day Old): The token black Yoshi of the group who is indeed like I said "A stereotypical black character." While still in his egg form, he was originally going to be food, but he woke up still in the egg form, and started bouncing away from being consumed. He is straight up born into the gang… I MEAN… team. He's pretty much got a badass gangsta ass attitude and if you disagree, he'll fuck yo ass up G!

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 10:49 AM, sunny and 70 Degrees F.]_

**[Glitzville]**

Mario and his friends strange as ever, were being given their 'so longs' from Jolene, Prince Mush, and the remaining Glitzville fighters that were in the gay orgy. Oh, and Rawk Hawk.

Jolene: So... I guess this is it. You all gotta go back on the adventure now huh?

Mario: Well no shit we do. We're starting a new chapture. So that means we're pretty much done with this place. Hopefully forever.

Yoshi: Yei! Our asses be otta here, bitch!

Jolene: I suppose so... With Grubba ded, your contract with him is officially invalid by default do to his deth.

Goombella: You don't think we're gonna get sued to murdering him are we?

Jolene: ...mmm... Not likely. Grubba doesn't have any loved 1s due to him being such a chauvinistic asshole. I even burnt his contract, legally. Honestly, it's about time he died. With him gone, I don't have to feel violated at my job anymore, and I can now become the new owner of Glitzville since I'm the next person in charge of the island already. People will probably come up with conspiracy theories that I killed him, but I'm not too worried about that cause they'll be wrong. So...just to double check, are you absolutely sure you wanna leave? I mean, you are the biggest star we've ever had. Like, we can renew a whole new, much more accommodatable human contract for you. And you are my favorite videogame character after all.

Koops: Uhh...

Mario: Well, just to double answer, We Don't Give A Shit About Glitzville. We just joined so we can grab the next star and go. So stop asking or I will re-route the engines of Glitzville and fly this thing straight into the goddamn sun!

Master Crash: ALRIGHT EVERY1! SHUT THE BOMB UP! I REPEAT, SHUT THE BOMB UP! GONZALES! I JUST WANNA SAY, YOU ARE THE BEST BOMBING PERSON I'VE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE TO DRINK WITH, FIGHT WITH, AND PARTY WITH! YOU AND TEAM M ARE SOOOO BOMBING AWESOME! AND WE PARTIED IN THE EMPTY ASS GLORY HOLE! IT MAKES ME WANNA GO BOMB MYSELF HARD! LAST NIGHT WAS LIKE, THE BEST BOMBING PARTY I'VE EVER BOMBING SURVIVED! I GOT SUCH A BOMBING ACID CONTACT HIGH FROM YOU, THAT EVEN I BEGAN TO THINK THAT IIIIIIII WAS A BOMBING POTATO! I EVEN STUCK A PHONE CHARGER UP MY BOMB TO SEE IF IT'D CHARGE MY BOMBING PHONE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I'M ACTUALLY GONNA BREAK MY BOMBING RELIGION FOR YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW! THANKS TO YOU, YOU FUCKING BADASS!

Red Majikoopa: Yeah! The way you kicked my team's candy asses was super duper amazing! I've been masterbating to the concept of how badly you beat me in the Glory Hole every 30 minute straight since then! Thanks to you, I promise that my team will never listen to Coldplay again! We learned our lesson!

Flurrie was distracted as she was trying to figure out how to make out with herself with her big ass lips.

King K: Ay Yo Gonzales yo daddy yo yo yo! You saveed mah keister up in dis town of Glitz pal! I don't know what we could have done without your slick skills that pay the bills. When you come back, I promise we'll have 10 times the shit partay! Just for you! AWW MAN GIVE ME A HUG!

King K walked up to Mario only for him to push him in the nose making him fall on his back. And yeah. He had a 'couldn't get back up' moment like any other Koopa.

Mario: Do not come near me!

Papa Baton Noir: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIAAAAA Yhutookdisheer wressslin shindig and mademe bigga den a Louisiana swamp I tellhyou and yeeven though yhumademeiall blind and cant see a lickity thang i gotta hand it to yuh all down by de bahyu for makin me that best daaaaaaamn fisherman wreslin blind bastud any1s ever hearin of.

Koops: Ah Gosh Golly...

Mario: Stop pretending like you know what he's saying, Koops.

Koops: Aww shucks.

Cleftor: Yeah Gonzales! In all my years from living in a dark forest with a bunch of pedophiles to leaving that place to join Glitzville, I never thought I'd see any1 rise above and be as punk as you in my life! You even out punk rock the punk rockers! And you don't even play any instruments that I know of.

Mario: Nope I never have. Not even in the Game and Watch Gallery series none of you remember.

Lakitu: I REMEMBER THOSE ARRIGHT! I've bought arr of them! They're my favorite games next to you appearing in Famicom Grand Prix and Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic.

Mario: I... don't even remember those game coming out… Was I drunk when I appeared in them?

Goombella: What's he talking about?

Mario: I don't know.

Red Chomp: ARF ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF AAAAAAAARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARF! ARF ARF ARF! AAAAAAAAAARF ARF ARF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRHARHARHARHARHHAAAARRRFFF!

Koops: Thanks!

Mario: Remember what I said about stopping the fake replies?

Koops: Uhh…. Oh yeah.

Yoshi: Maaaaan all these goodbyes are getting boring as hell. Can we Team M motha fuckaz get da fuck otta here and do some shit!?

Bandy Andy: Yo Sup! Gonzales! It's yo boy, Bandy G! Listen nigga! Good luck tappin some more ass and booty fuckin some hood ass bitches! Shit man! As a token of my gratitude, i'm addin you on facebook so I can blow up your newsfeed with some of em big booty ass twerkin' bitches! I be sharein' dat shit with every1 man! I don't care if niggas be blockin me fo my twerkin shares! I'M A FUCKIN PLAYA! Also, I made you a gold chain. It aint reel gold or nothin, I just took a string and wrapped it around a metal Coca Cola bottle cap I painted yellow as a token for you savin mah white and dirty ass!

Bandy handed Mario the poorly made arts and crafts project.

Mario: Yeah... no thanks.

Mario chucked the bottle cap thing at Bandy scratching hi's eyeball with the sharp part of the bottle cap.

Bandy Andy: AWW MAN NIGGA! MAH EYE! DAT SHITS FUCKIN BULLSHIT MAN IT BLEEDING! I LOVE YOU!

Rawk Hawk: PFFT! YOU GUYS ARE JUST A BUNCH OF GAY ASS PANSIES! AND YOU KNOW WHAT!? SO AM I! THAT'S RIGHT! RAWK HAWK IS WAWKING OUT OF THE CLOSET AND COMING OUT AS A FUCKING FAGGOT! I'M HEER, AND I'M QUEER, AND MY GAY ASS IS PROUD OF THAT, SO GET USED TO IT! AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU FOR HELPING ME COME OUT, AND MAKING ME LEARN MY GAY LESSON BY BEATING ME UP! FROM NOW ON, RAWK HAWK AINT GONNA CHEAT, AND WHENEVER HE FEEL LIKE CHEATING, HE'S GONNA FUCK 1 OF THESE FIGHTER'S IN THE HOLE WITH HIS RAWK CAWK! HAR HAR HAR HAR! I'LL FUCK DUDES WHILE I LIFT WEIGHTS IN THE SHOWER, TAKE SOME ANAL STRETCHING VITAMINS, AND WIN LIKE A QUEER BULGING CHAMP WITH EVEN TIGHTERS SPEEDOS! THE ASSLESS KINDS FOR THAT MATTER! AND REMEMBER: WHEN LIFE TRIES TO RAWK YOU, YOU BETTER RAWK IT IN THE ASS LIKE A REAL CHAMP!

Mario: Uhh... Good for you?

Rawk Hawk: YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, MAN! OH YEAH, WANNA GO OUT!?

Mario: No.

Jolene: Rawk Hawk, and I along with the rest of the fighters are gonna help support the LGBLT community and many other things that Grubba forced us to frown upon. From this day forward, we're cleaning up our act to appeal to a wider and less retarded audience.

Goombella: Wait, but don't you mean LGBT?

Jolene: No. LGBLT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomatoes.

Master Crash: WE'RE SUPPORTING THE RITES FOR SANDWICHES AS WELL!

Goombella: That's... painfully random.

Jolene: Back to my point, we'll also be supporting other choices that are also uncommon or non likable on a traditional basis. Such as incest. Because I am now in a controversial relationship by new boyfriend who is also my brother; Prince Mush. Who is also returning to Glitzville as a fighter!

Prince Mush: Yeah! My girlfriend and sister are the same person! How bout that!

Koops: I don't see anything wrong with that.

Flurrie: Same.

Goombella: Eww... Just don't attempt to inbreed or anything and maybe I'll try to respect it.

Bandy Andy: I just wish I can get me some of that ass of yours, Jolene!

Prince Mush: You can!

Jolene: We're always opened to spectators watching us fornicate!

Prince Mush: That's right!

Bandy Andy: AWW YIPPYYYY!

Bandy Andy has a huge nose bleed that made him pass out on the floor with his hand down his dirty pants.

Yoshi: *RUDE YAWN* Man whatever. This is some lame ass shit goin on up in here. Can we go now!? I've just been born and I'm already sick of this place.

Jolene: Also, before I forget, I would like to give you back the 6 coins I stole from you when i'd give you prize money. I needed it for my expensive medication.

Jolene handed Mario the extra 6 coins.

Mario: OH! YEAH! I TOLD YOU ALL SHE WAS STEALING FROM MY ALLOWANCE! HA! I SO CALLED IT!

Mario: Welp thanks for the butt licking every1, but I best be makin my leave. Later, butt fuckers!

Mario started running towards the edge of Glitzville for stupid reasons you might be able to put together.

Goombella: Wait, MARIO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Mario: SOMETHING I'VE BEEN PLANNING TO DO SINCE I GOT HERE!

Mario suddenly jumped off of Glitzville like an olympian swimmer Michael Phelps, and fell.

Mario: REMEMBER MEEE!

Every1 freaked out in shock of Mario's impulsive decision.

Goombella: OH MY GOD! MARIOOOOOOOOOO!

Koops: SOMEBODY SAVE HIM!

Jolene: PLEASE! I JUST BOUGHT THIS PLACE AND I AM NOT GONNA HAVE THE BURDEN OF THE DETH OF MARIO ALREADY!

Flurrie: HAVE NO FEAR! FLURRIE IS HERE!

Flurrie flew after him.

_Falling Music: High Speed Dirt by Megadeth_

Mario kept doing a bunch of sky diving tricks like doing the worm and pretending to perform homing attack somersault moves without a parachute. Wait... HE HAS NO PARACHUTE!? OH SHIT!

Mario: I'M FLYING BITCHES! ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Ground was coming closer to Mario's dumb face as he was about to fall and crash into the ground with no sensible ounce of remorse for his own life. Yet he was laughing and fucking around like his life didn't fucking matter. He was getting closer to Ghettoport of all places. Which is weird, cause the map made it seem more like it was above Petalburg, but no. It was west side Ghettoport to be specific. Maybe it moved.

**[Ghettoport]**

As Mario was about to land flat on concrete from the 5,000 meter high jump, Flurrie suddenly beat the potentially suicidal plumber to the ground carrying Goombella, Koops, and Yoshi in her…. you figure it out. She landed the partners on top of eachother 20 feet in the air which still hurt like hell. You know those mattresses that professional stunt gymnasts use to make their falls safer to land? Well, Mario fell and landed on Flurrie, and she was that pillow, only 1000x groser. This punchured Flurrie's organs hard briefly, but she was able to push them back into their regular form due to her abnormally fucked up body.

Mario: Oof!

Flurrie: Way to *coughs up punctured lungs* puncture my lungs in such a body thrusting fashion... Just the way Flurrie likes it...

Yoshi: DAMN G! DAT SHIT WAS DOPE AS FUCK!

Goombella: MARIO! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING DOING THAT!?

Mario: AHA! My prediction was stunningly accurate!

Goombella: Stunningly accurate!? You just jumped off Glitzville expecting you were going to live!? I knew you were psycho, but THAT just takes the dumbass cake big time!

Koops: There's cake!?

Goombella: WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT GOD DAMN CAKE RIGHT NOW KOOPS! STAY ON TOPIC!

Koops: Aww man...

Mario: Well clearly I survived the fucking fall. And I kinda knew that Flurrie would be a hideous safety net for me.

Goombella: So what if we didn't save you from killing yourself?

Mario: I wou-

Goombella: YOU would have DIED!

Mario: ... Do not interrupt me when I'm TALKING! Now... I would have landed in the water and probably would have gotten bit by a Nibbles thing and it would have taken off 1 damage.

Goombella: But you were aiming straight to the ground and you would have been crushed!

Mario: I don't see why your complaining. I mean, I had a good time doing it, Yoshi thought it was cool, Koops is thinking about cake, and Flurrie is horny from me falling from the sky and nearly crushing her to deth.

Flurrie: It was sooooo *coughs up more guts* arousing...

Goombella: Just stop doing things thinking you'll always be alright.

Mario: Oh you're just mad cause your eyebrows are abnormally too big for a normal girl!

Goombella: YOU FUCKING ASSH-

Luigi: Long time no see Gonzales! Since when were you so opened about your middle name?

Yoshi: Who dat green Mario lookin nigga?

Mario: Oh great. It's my retarded base headed younger brother, Luigi who somehow hasn't overdosed on crack yet. Don't tell me you've been watching EFPN lately.

Luigi: 1st Nintendo, now the Glory Hole! I don't know how you become famous so quickly, but you do. I was watching some of your performances on television. I really like your battles against The Ded Boners where Flurrie raped 1 of them, and the 1 where Bowser showed up and you made him explode!.

Blooey: My favorite part was when you pulled out Jeffrey Dahmer on the BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB fight. That was funny cause people actually died!

Mario: Damnit... So now you guys are hopping on the bandwagon for my Gonzales persona butt licking fun time too?

Luigi: Nah! I've always been licking your butt ever since you became famous. Metaphorically speaking... And quite literally that 1 time. You remember the time whe-

Mario: Stop fucking talking!

Jerry (Age 28): Wait! I wanna hear thith thtory.

Luigi: Quiet my gay fruity bob-omb friend with benefits thing!

Yoshi: Dat's what dat is? Dayamn! Dat thang look like he be belongin' in a batch of Kool-Aid, nigga!

Jerry: Knock it off thilly buns! I just wanna hear thum fabulouth thtories about licking thum buttth. Tee hee.

Mario: Really? You have a gay stereotype partner now? That's lame.

Luigi: His name is Jerry! And I popped his butt cherry! At least I don't have a black stereotype Yoshi as a partner! Unlike you!

Mario: At least I'm not a shitty sidekick that reek of salty jenkem, unlike you!

Luigi: At least I'm not a short old fat ass with a 1 dimensional personality, unlike you!

Mario: At least I don't go on made up drug induced adventures where I go to haunted houses and piss myself while sucking off ghosts with a vacuum, unlike you!

Luigi: At least I don't have fat ugly black partners that reek of shame and stupidity, unlike y-

Yoshi: Shut da hell up before I throw yo gay ass red cherry bomb character at you blowin yo ass up!

Jerry: OH I LOVE that thong by the Runawayth! That beat jutht maketh me wanna danth my butt off!

Jerry started listening to _Cherry Bomb by the Runaways_ in his head

Mario: You're new partner's got a gay name too!

Luigi: Yeah he does! Wanna hear about how we met?

Mario: OH SHIT! GUYS He's going into another cringing story again! Every1, make peace with the floor now while you still can cause you all about to pass out from boredom!

Luigi: Oh... in that case... So basically, long story short, I found my 2nd piece of the Marvelous Compass at the Placentabelly Village recently! Amazing right!? My hands got filthy with all kinds of vadgelly fucking after birth. I tell you hwat! So basically, long story short, we took our squirrel corpse boat that's been starting to rot and stink by now. But that's alright. The smell gives me a sense of vibe and adventure. Plus the smell is a good way to get high as fuck. Have you ever tried huffing squirrel corpses? It's pretty good, you guys gotta try it sometime. But 1ce we got to the Placentabelly Village, we immediately noticed that something was wrong. Like, gay wrong. Just kidding. I'm bi. lol. We learned the hard way from the mayor that the town was ruled by a giant cunt snake named Glycon the All Powerful. The dumb Mayor said that he was gonna sacrifice his virgin daughter thinking it would make the snake happy thinking he would fuck off! Which he was right. Now, being the heroin-hero that I am, I offered myself to sacrifice myself instead of her so I can get laid. Pretty smart huh? So the Mayor approved because I'm such a dumbass as so he thought. So in order to be sacrificed, I had to dress myself up as a cybergoth female chick. It was pretty hot. I had to take some perverted fucking selfies because it was so hawt. But anyway, I made for 1 hot Glycon worthy sacrifice brah! I couldn't stop shaking my hairy gothic butt! I'm a pretty convincing trap too! Even with my mustache! And I didn't even wear the masks that some cyber goths do too. Glycon even thought I was hot. So then Glycon wrapped me up almost squeezing me to deth while he raped my Luigi ass with his god like tail. The reason why that's so terrifying is that Glycon has a 2nd head for a tail which means I started to anally bleed from the snake fangs... alot. The history books don't talk about that. Seriously, look up Glycon. I'm not kidding. There's a cult about him. So with enough self taught yoga practice, I clenched my sphincter so tightly that he started screeching like the snake he is. While I was clenching my tushy, I did a battle sream going like "REBREBREBEBRREBREBRJKERCUHCOCKACOCOOOOOOOOOOCCKKKKKKKK!" I had to prove my manliness some way! I really hope I don't get Snake Cypholic though. My gaping hole still makes me feel quite wheery... So back to the story, the snake head tail left my body, so I basically made him eat his own head which was his 1 tail. It hurt him so badly, he just blew up like a jizz filled water balloon. Suddeny, I found another compass piece inside his jizzy snake body. It pointed east, to Circuit City Island! Just as I was about to flip off the town and go, the mayor begged me to stay and marry his daughter. So I just lied and said "I would" so I can fuck her in front of her dad and take off. Luigi don't do marriage. The only ring I need in my life is my asshole! Plus I still have to tongue punch Princess Ebola's fart box 360. This time when I activated the compass, I started hearing voices. And not the kind that tell me to shoot up schools this time! This voice was actually beautiful brah! It must have been Princess Ebola! I had that racey non cocaine heart feeling... I think I...m ... horny... *sticks his hands in his pants passionately* So yeah. Long story short, we just came back here! But Jerry, the red Bob-Omb with the cherry stem was no help at all.

Jerry: HEY! YETH I WATH!

Luigi: Welp... You did give some juicy cherry butt sex that made my "White Torpedo" smell like cherries!

Jerry: That'th right bitch!

Blooey: Man, Stop stealing my penis name! Get your own!

Luigi: No! It's my penis name now! So fuck you!

Jerry: And you forgot to tell the part about where we met!

Luigi: Oh yeah! Blooey and I we're picking cherries so we can make a cherry pie to practice vadgelly sex with like from my favorite movie; American Pie... And we found you by mistake hanging from a GAY DILDO TREE! THEE END!

Luigi: So MARIO! Do you and your strange friends have any questions?

Team M suddenly woke up after them all falling asleep as usual from the boring as shit Luigi stories.

Mario: ...

Yoshi: Fuck that shit! Them stories are gay as hell! Like, too gay! BLEEEEEEEEEERG!

Yoshi puked on Blooey.

Koops: Not to be rude, but can you please not tell me any more of your stories? They make me feel a little nauseous.

Goombella: Yeah. Besides, from what I heard, I swear, you're just making up all these fake places. I go to college. I've seen 1000 maps and globes of the world and none of these places exist.

Flurrie: I, Madame Flurrie and still unamused by your wretched story telling...

Luigi: Okay Mario! Now what's your feedback!?

Mario: Luigi, your stories will never 'wow' me. They drag on more and more and if cancer had a smell, that's what they'd smell like. And you should go kill yourself.

Luigi: Thanks! Brah! Good seeing you almost every chapture as always!

Mario: Piss off!

Goombella: So Mario, can we head to the Door now to find out where to go next?

Mario: Yeah. That's what we were going to do.

Koops: Is there any short cuts around here?

Mario: Yes. See the vent under us? THat's how we'll do it.

Goombella: How.

Mario: Watch.

Mario used his curse he forgot he had for awhile and pushed his man boobs together to sweat grease. Blotches got on all of partners

Mario: Now we can slip through!

Luigi: WHAT THE FUCK!? YOU CAN DO THAT NOW!? YOU LUCKY STORK FUCKER!

Mario and his party ignored the deranged sibling and just slipped through the vent straight into the sewers.

**[Ghettoport Sewers]**

After a few repetitive obstacles that they've been through time and time again, they made it to the front of the 1000 Year Door. Reading the name "1000 Year Door" feels alot smaller now knowing it's not the title of this story unlike the game it's directly based off of.

Flurrie: Ah... The 1000 Year Vadgelly... Such an deviant work of art I do say so.

Goombella: Can you stop putting the image of the 1000 Year Door being a vadgelly in my head? It's nasty!

Flurrie: Exactly... Just the way Flurrie likes it…

Flurrie had her tongue sticking out breathing her smelly odorish breath on Goombella.

Goombella: Stop trying to seduce me Flurrie! Gross!

Flurrie: It's worth a shot.

Yoshi: Damn! This place smell like some serious ass G! And not the good kind neither! It even smells more assier than the minor league locker rooms! FO real man!

Mario: Get used to it. Cause you're gonna have to put up with some pretty bad smells on this adventure at this rate.

Koops: Yeah! Get used to it.

Mario: Shut up Koops.

Yoshi: So Great Gonzales! How we doin this star shit!?

Goombella: It's pretty simple really. Gonzales does this thing where he raises up the map in the middle of the shrine, and we place the 3 stars we have into their designated locations.

Yoshi: Aight. Wasn't asking you, but aight.

Mario: Let's do this thing. And now that we're out of that fucking dojo, CAN YOU ALL STOP CALLING ME GONZALES!? THAT'S MY RETARDED MIDDLE NAME THAT DOESN'T FLOW WITH MY WHOLE NAME!

Koops: If only your name was Mario Mario Mario, right?

Mario: That's even more retarded!

Yoshi: Well, since you call me nigglet, I'm callin yo ass Gonzales whether you like it or not.

Mario: ... Suck my fuck.

Mario began the dumb boring ritual and The Stars of **Wrath, Envy, and Greed** were put in their proper places of the shrines. As you know, blu rays shined like fuck out of the boob looking shrine and the map started levitating and burning a new detailed location onto the map. 1 detail I forget to mention is that a light blue beam descends from the ceiling sky or whatever while it's burning the image onto the map. If you wanna find out what the image is, THEN PLAY THE DAMN GAME OR WATCH AN ANNOYING LETSPLAY FROM SOME DUMB YOUTUBER WHO THINKS HE OR SHE IS FUNNY! Ah just kidding cuz I LOVE DESCRIBING THAT SHIT! So anyway, on the west side of the map for 1ce above the map's compass was burning an image of an oddly curved blue steeple that looks like it was designed by some whacky architect from Chicago. It was in a halloween looking haunted forest area with barn fences and palm trees. The next star was located directly on the steeple.

The map hovered back into Mario's hands taking a long time as always.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG TO LAND IN MY GOD DAMN HANDS!?

Suddenly it did.

Mario: FINALLY!

Goombella: Hmm... It looks like this star is gonna be in some weird orange haunted level.

Koops: Oh geez luiezz. I was hoping we wouldn't wind up in 1 of those places. I have ghost phobia.

Yoshi: Shut up and stop being a pussy ass bitch for 1ce!

Flurrie: MMMmmmm I sure hope I get possessed by a ghost that forces Flurrie into unholy arousing acts she would do either way…

Goombella: Remind me why you're allowed to talk again?

Mario: Don't you think you guys are kind of jumping the gun about it being haunted? Although it probably most likely is knowing the formula of my games.

Suddenly Mario's phone started ringing.

Mario: Speaking of jumping the gun, who wants to read the new Peach Email!?

Goombella: NOT DOING IT!

Koops: *sigh* I'll do it... ONLY to prove that i'm not a pussy ass bitch.

_"OMFG Merio," 0MFG Merio, li3k, aI no sumtiig u dnt nou! :D SRSLY, Teh X-Nazis r actt-shelly triing 2 tak ovre te vvrld. 0.0 WAT TEH UBR FUK!? Dx THR TRYIG 2 TAK 0V3R THRW MY MONARKEY WI T TREJJRE N STARTS R RIILADED 2 IT I THINK.:( I DNT GE TIT! :0 WRIT MII BAKKK SO IK THNG$! ;) LOL! But u no. -.- NO 11 WIL TEL MII IN33TH33NG! :( N 2 MAK MY LIVE WRST M NEKKID! ( o Y o ) CUZ TAT ASSHOL COMPEEYOUTRR IM USEING WOO CN PROLLY HEER Mii N I DNT CURE CUS Hii NiiDZ 2 CHEK HIS FUKNG CRRCITS! D: CUZ HE TRIKD MII N2 WERING A DISSA-WATING SUUT! . Inyho, writ my back or els you get Exeggutored! :D Tata. :P_

-Princess Peach-

Koops: Ugg... Her grammer makessooo weery... That was the worst us in leet and emotocans that I think im gonna pss out frum bahd... gra...mer...

Koops passed out on the ground do to Peach's poor grammar momentarily shutting off his brain.

Goombella: You know, that's actually not an over reaction at all. I actually feel like I get a bad high when I read that shit too.

Mario: Wait, so it wasn't already fucking confirmed that the X-tards are trying to take over the world? It's kind of been a no shit deal for 2 Chaptures now. Yoshi! Grab Koops and let's just go to Frankly's or some shit.

Yoshi: Ah god damnit. rrr... Makin the fuckin black character do all the work man... fuck you...

**Chapture 5 - 5: The Usual Chapture [Number] - 5 stuff.**

**[East Ghettoport] **

The strange team of 5 got out of the sewers and headed straight to Frankly's place in hopes for useful updates. Will Frankly be reliable? Find out by reading stupid!

Mario: Yoshi! Why the fuck are you so far behind us!?

Yoshi: CAUSE! YO ASS BE MAKIN ME LIFT THIS DUMP ASS KOOPA! FUCK YOU!

Goombella: Alright guys. This time, let's not break down the door like we have been like, EVERY TIME. I'm trying to maintain a good reputation with my Professor!

Mario: I think you already maintain a great enough relationship with your professor. Especially with the time you sucked h-

Goombella: Stop sharing that out loud!

Mario: ... and my dick.

Goombella: ... Just shut up and smash the fucking door open already.

Mario: No need to tell me 2ice.

Mario attempted to smash the door down but didn't work. Even with his new hammer.

Mario: Okay. Plan B. Flurrie. Fart on it!

Flurrie: Say no more!

Flurrie's farts on the door are also ineffective.

Flurrie: His doors sure do get stronger and stronger…. don't they?

Mario: Belive it or not guys, but I actually have a plan C.

Goombella: And... what's that?

Mario desperately used his hammer as a shovel, and dug a hole under Frankly's place where Team M suddenly popped out of Frankly's floor like Bugs Bunny.

**[Frankly's House]**

As usual, Team M caught Frankly doing something whacky and perverted. Get this shit, this time, he was jacking off on Omegle. You know, It's that website that's kind of like Chatroulette where guys expect to find naked 14 year old girl boobs, but all they end up finding are old men giving weird stares at you while they jack their wrinkly dicks off. You know their slogan, "Omegle: Talk to strangers!"

Frankly: OH CRAP IN THE MAD HATTER'S HAT! NOT AGAIN!

Mario: Hey Frankly! How've things been since our last conversation!?

Frankly: You mean that conversation where you had to fool me into thinking you were a prostitute about to share a child with me!? I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!

Mario tried to fend off Frankly cause Frankly was about to slit his throat, pull out his esophagus, and make jazz tunes out of the 43 year old's menace's infected sucking organs. Mario being as strong as he is, just simply pushed the elderly Goomba off of him.

Mario: Get off me pervert!

Frankly: I am not a pervert you damn mocking bastard!

Flurrie: Mmmm... Enlighten's Flurrie's ear holes of what you just masterbating to before we got here.

Frankly: NOTHING!... Uhhhh... PORN! I WAS LOOKING UP PORN! YEAH! That's it, PORN! I was masterbating to Chilian butt image porn!

Flurrie hovered over to Frankly's laptop in hopes to witness a beholding sight.

Flurrie: Ooooo... What's this 'Omegle' website on your fabulous device?

The 12 year old toad in the chat with Frankly on Omegle puked from seeing Flurrie on webcam. The puke got on his computer screen.

Frankly: Alright! Fine! You caught me. I like to masterbate during cam chats on Omegle.

Mario: WHAT!? SERIOUSLY!? HAAAAAAAAAA! NO WAY MAN! THAT'S SICK! AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!

Mario started rolling on the floor kicking the wall knocking off a memorable photo of a spoon from 'The Room.'

Yoshi: I don't get it.

Goombella: Wait Omegle? What's that?

Frankly: Well you see... How do I explain this… Do you by any chance know what Chatroulette is?

Goombella: I've heard of that, yes.

Flurrie: Oh! You mean that website where you talk to random strangers via webcam and partake in sexually deviant acts?

Frankly: That is correct.

Flurrie: And Omegle must be the same idea then.

Frankly: Also correct you hungarian hog.

Goombella: Ahh sick... So you were masterbating to random strangers!? WHY!?

Frankly: Does your feeble brain lack an understanding of kinks and fetishes? I have a thing for masterbating infront of random strangers. Especially children! It's a similar concept of being an exibitionist as I get off to the concept of random people on or off webcam seeing me do cock stuff with my cock. The world needs to see it!

Flurrie: Such words of inspiration. And I have a fetish for inspiration too...

Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEERG! THAT'S SICK! Don't these kids watching you jack off just… click out!?

Frankly: Well... yes and no. Some click and freak out, sometimes their parents catch them watching me spank my wang, sometimes they stay on anyway cause they think me masterbating is funnier than The Hangover trillogy. I also tilt the laptop so my face isn't exposed. Sexually disguising myself to be young is a big kink of mine too!

Goombella: YOU HAVE GREY FUCKING PUBES!

Flurrie: May I ask how does a specimen such as yourself masterbate despite not having any arms?

Frankly: That's a very terrifying question with a very terrifying answer you don't wanna find out.

Flurrie: Myy... but I kind of do though...

Mario: It's cool. I've always wwanted to meet some1 that jacks off for people on a website. Crosses that off my bucket list.

Mario pulled out his bucket list to crossed off "Meeting some1 who masterbate on cam publically."

Yoshi: Aight, so enough of this gay ass dick talk. We got an email from Princess Bitch that no 1 be tellin me a whole lot about, sayin some shit about some X-Niggas tryin to take over the world in shit.

Frankly: ... Oh my Carl Sagan's Galactic Jizz! Now you guys have a BLACK Yoshi on our team!?

Goombella: Yeah. So?

Frankly: ... Ah shit. Can you guys keep an eye on him so he doesn't steal anything? Preferably, if you have a leash, can you just put him on 1?

Goombella: Wait, why would he steal? … You're not racially profiling him, are you?

Frankly: I'm concerned because he looks like the kind of fucking brat that would do that shit!

Yoshi: Hmm?

Goombella: So... it is because he's black then...

Frankly: ... Look! We're outside of U Goom. And I have alot more freedom and alot less risk factors to speak my own mind!

Goombella: Speak your mind?... In that case, your mind is full of shit then!

Frankly: Your shit for bringing that wild thing into my lab! Plus, I don't know if you all know this or not, but I'm actually allowed to say whatever I want off campus! See? Check this out! ATTENTION: ALL CHARACTERS AND READERS PRESENT. WATCH AS I AM ABOUT TO PERFORM THE UNSPEAKABLE! AHEM…. *deep breath*... NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER-

Yoshi: AHEM! AIGHT, STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW YOU RACIST ASS HONKEY ASS MOTHA FUCKA! ENOUGH'S ENOUGH! ANYWAY, like I was SAYING, We got an email from Princess Bitch about some X-Niggas tryin to take over the world in shit.

Frankly: Oh yeah! Those guys!? Wait, that wasn't already obvious already!?

Goombella: Didn't you say the treasure was just an expired welfare check? Why would they be interested in looking for that?

Frankly: IT COULD BE ANYTHING OF HIGH VALUE! It's kind of obvious, especially if you have a legion of Astro-Nazis or whatever they like to call themselves taking shit over, kidnapping princesses, and operating giant robots. It's all blatantly obvious that they want something bigger than Belious' Ballsack!

Goombella: I'm confused… Aside from the Peach kidnapping, we never even informed you on some of those details like the robot stuff.

Frankly: I PAY ATTENTION! At least all we know for certain is that the treasure is definitely something of the high most value. So that's good. Now i feel way less depressed and more secure about this adventure your all on!

Flurrie was busy trying to bend her eyelashes to poke her eye balls for a masochistic fetish.

Yoshi: Sooo... I'm still trying to understand. How the hell does finding some treasure help them asses rule the world? They gonna buy the world with some gold and shit?

Goombella: It could just be some Doomsday Device. Treasure doesn't necessarily have to mean "gold", you know.

Yoshi: Well yeah! I wasn't born yesterday!

Every1: ...

Yoshi: You can all suck it.

Frankly: The point is, the treasure behind the door could be ANYTHING! Anything of most likely high importance! We shouldn't limit our minds to any possibilities! Anyway, Mario! Stop trying to get high off my mother's cremated remains and hand me the map!

Mario was trying to smoke Frankly's mother's cremated remains out of an egyptian bong without putting in any water.

Mario: Whatever. This thing doesn't even work well without water anyway.

Mario dropped the bong shattering it on the floor and handed Frankly the map.

Frankly: Hmm... Let's see now... Oh my Washington's Washboard! So who's familiar with the name, Twilight Town!?

Goombella: What?

Flurrie: Hmmm...

Yoshi: I don't know shit.

Mario: You better not be talking about the town Twilight took place in.

Goombella: That's all the way in Washington state, Mario.

Mario: Why the fuck do you even know that?

Goombella: What? I wanted to see Twilight to see how bad it was as a joke. Every1 knows that the books were way better!

Frankly: Retards! Twilight Town is the town of the area where the next star is located! A.K.A., the Twilight Zone! Not to be confuzzled with the show 'Twilight Zone' from the 60s. I'm gonna be honest for just a second here, I have no fucking idea what this place is all about. All I know is that that place is a little... wierd. Like, eerie and trippy. But not like the good kind of trippy, or the Boggly Woods kind. More like, a darker more weirder level of trippy that most of you might not be used to. But what do I know? All of my knowledge about it, is that it sounds and looks like a haunted level. So expect that!

Goombella: Wait... so why did you sound so excited over finding that out just now?

Frankly: I don't know. I'm old, stupid! But yeah. There's a warp pipe that will take you there in a quick 8 hours on the west side of the Ghettoport Sewers!

Goombella: Your continuity of not knowing much about this place is a little suspicious.

Frankly: I don't care! Now all of you! Get the fuck out of my office lab trap house because I will rape you all in the mouth! I have to go back to finding young sluts to masterbate to on Omegle!

Mario: Alright whatever. Let's skedaddle freaks. Hope to see you on Omegle soon Frankly! Assuming we don't fucking die on this next quest.

Mario and his ridiculous team hopped back down the hole and back to da ghetto they go. Frankly briefly opened the door.

**[Ghettoport East]**

Frankly: And by the way, YOU OWE ME A NEW FLOOR YOU DUG A HOLE THROUGH! I'm RENTING THIS HOUSE YOU KNOW!

Mario: Yeah yeah! We get it. Go fuck yourself in front of a camera!

Goombella: Uhh... wait a sec guys, what happened to Koops?

Yoshi: Sheeeeit. I don't know. I got tired of y'all makin me carry his ass so I just left him by the door or somethin'.

Goombella: … Yyyou mean... you just LEFT him by the door while he was unconscious!? What the fuck you idiot! You do realize we're in a fucking Ghetto right!? Shit. Maybe some1 must have stolen him!

Mario: Wait, Koops in gone? My god, that's hilarious! I bet he's getting fucking butt raped right now as we speak!

Yoshi: Well maybe he just walked away or something? I bet he at dat bar we be passin by!

Mario: Mmmmm... Not likely. *sigh* God damnit... I don't believe this. This is gonna be such a waste of time looking for him. Alright. Welp, let's get going then.

After spending a draggingly long time searching for Koops, Team M went to the last place they could possibly look for him. This place of all places was the back alley of Frankly's place. Koops was seen roped up on his back to a wooden table with his shorts and underwear off and mouth duct taped with drawn on penises on his face for some reason while a sackboy from Little Big Planet was about to harvest Koops' organs with a rusty pizza cutter. Maybe he got the idea from the Amateur Surgeon games on Adult Swim. He was doing some strange creepy chant and dance while he prepared to harvest Koop's organs. By the way, read it in a catchy chant, cause I notice some of you forget to read it musically. Maybe I'll italicize the singing to give you dumbshit's a clue.

Darkly (Age 33): _Darkly Darkly always wins, He's gonna cut up new organs. Darkly Darkly wins again. He likes to fuck some fresh organs. Darkly Darkly always wins. He's gonna cut up new organs. Darkly Darkly wins again. He likes to fuck some fresh organs._

Koops: MmmmMMmmMmmmmMMMM!11!11!1!

Mario: Let that autistic Koopa alone you mutated emo sackboy lookin ass motha fucka!

Yoshi: YEI! WHAT HE SAID AND SHIT!

Darkly: Oooooo... yuuuummmmmmmyyyy... Darkly sees 4 more freshy hunks of flesh he can't wait to cut up and make delicious sex toys out of. They even come in different sizes and shapes too... I think I'll even deep fry 1 of you just for kicks.

Darkly pointed at Yoshi.

Yoshi: Man, fuck you! It's cause i'm black that you're pointing at me to get deep fried isn't it!? I BET YOU THINK I'M GONNA TASTE LIKE FRIED CHICKEN OR SOMETHINg!

Goombella: Wait! Look! It's Koops! Let's save him!

Flurrie: Flurrie enjoys the creatively abstract wonders of how you have his yellow genitals exposed. Talk about style...

Goombella: Not now Flurrie!

Darkly blocks the path.

Darkly: Rehehehehe... Darkly will not let you near his meat! I need many parts of his body so Darkly can sell them. And hopefully, Darkly will live in the up and most luxurious of dumpsters. But 1st, Darkly will duly plant his dark seed in your friend's butt to grow lil Darklies... taaaaaaaaaaasssssstyyyyyyyyyy...

Mario: AY! Fuck you! And fuck your piece of fuck business! You die if you fuck with Team M!

Koops: MMMMM! MMMMMmmmMMMMM!

Mario: Shut up Koops!

Yoshi: Eww! I can see both Koops' dick, and booty, nigga! AWW! So unpleasant man… I don't even know which 1 makes me sicker.

Darkly: hmhmhmhmhmmm…. Darkly likes when his prey is feisty. Makes him feel like he work hard for his sexy soon to be sex zombies... Okay. Do your worst to me... I dare you... mmmmhmhmhmmhmhmmm

The creepy flesh fucking sack boy grabbed his best organ harvesting tools such as a big ass sharp rusty exacto knife that kind of looks like an axe, and he also pulled out some gopher pliers.

Goombella: Uggg... This guy is freaking me out BIG TIME!

Darkly: Darkly's mouth is getting really….. watery...

Merlon: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!

Merlin suddenly swung from a rope and kicked Darkly so hard in the face that he crashed into the walls and got knocked the fuck out unconsciously. He was passed out bleeding with a little bit of drool pouring out of his meth mouth!

Merlon: IT IS I, MERLON! WHO HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAAY!

Mario: Damnit! Not you again! We we're gonna kick his ass on our own!

Merlon: You can thank me later, for I always know where to find you guys!

Goombella: How... did you even know where we were?

Merlon: Cause! I'm psychic! That's all the explanation you peasants need!

Merlon un-tied the slow brained Koopa free from the shady hospital table.

Koops: Oh thank golly you saved me from getting raped!

Mario directed his attention to Merlon.

Mario: You live across the street next door! For all we know, you could have just overheard us talking while you were on the rooftop trying to catch birds with your rope like a crazy asshole.

Merlon: MOMMY WAS HUNGRY! Look... how about we just chill out, and have some psychic lunch I can make out of these pigeons I lassoed in this sack with my rope! Or maybe we can just exchange power ups for some shine sprites. HOW DOES THAT SOUND!?

Mario: ... Fuck it. Why not.

Koops: Oh Mario! Thank you for saving me! THANK YOU! I'm never reading 1 of Peach's emails ever again! NEVER! WAAAA!

Koops grabbed Mario and started crying on his shoulder while hugging him tightly.

Mario: EWW! TRY PUTTING ON SOME GODDAMN PANTS BACK YOU RETARD!

Mario kneed Koops in the exposed koopa balls to get him off of Mario.

Koops: Oww... thank you... fffff... for saving me...

**[Merlon's House]**

Merlon: Alright guys! Who's ready to play some DnD right now!? I'll make you all some pigeon flavored hot pockets, put on the Hawaiian air fresheners, show you all the old classmates I wanna kill from my middle school yearbook! We'll have a blast!

Mario: We're here so you can upgrade my partners dumbass. Stay on track!

Merlon: Why yes. Of course! Now allow me to ask you how many shine sprites you possess?

Mario: Let me check.

Mario pulled his 7 shine sprites out of his... PORTAL!

Mario: I have 7. Do something with that shit.

Koops: How many?

Mario: 7!

Merlon: Perfect! That will surely be enough to upgrade your partner I haven't gotten to yet, and your new partner i'm just meeting!

Yoshi: Sup nerd.

Merlon: Now hand me 6 of the Shine Sprites and stand back, and allow me to do my usuals!

Flurrie: It's about time Flurrie receives an enhancement….

Goombella: You make everything sound sexual when it really shouldn't be...

Mario handed Merlon 6 Shine Sprites.

Merlon: Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu!

No joke. This really is a name of a frikken hill from New Zealand!

So yeah, the walls tilted flat on the ground as an outerspace special effect sequence took place right when the majical Merlon lifted up his nerdy arms. There was a constellation of stars glowing around Flurrie and Yoshi as they were powering up.

Koops was distracted as he was looking up Bob's Burger's hentai. It was family orgy night.

Yoshi: Dis shit better not turn me into a gay ass homo lickin retard.

The background turned back into normalish as the strange spell just ended.

Yoshi: HOLY DAYAMN! I'm just born and my ass already boosted x2 for this adventure already!

Flurrie: Yes... I wish I had a porn mirror I can lick to complement my sexy upgrade. Maybe I could smear some of Flurrie's amazing liquids upon the mirror.

Goombella: I... I don't.. think I can... be surprised by anything you say anymore.

Merlon: Alright, now that that's all over and done-done, you all should probably go before mother finds out I have playmates over.

Melon's Mom (Age 669): MERLON! DID YOU HAVE MY LUNCH TOGETHER!?

Merlon: YES MOM! BE PATIENT BITCH!

Merlon's Mom: MERLON BRANDON ANDERSON! I'M NOT LETTING YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE SO YOU CAN CURSE AT ME! YOU'RE RENT IS PAID BY FETCHING US LUNCH!

Merlon: I'M HAVE IT READY MOM! RELAX!

Melon's Mom: THAT'S IT! I'M COMING DOWN WITH THE FRYING PAN, AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A TALK RIGHT NOW!

Merlon: Alright! You guys gotta leave! HURRY!

Merlon shoved all of Team M quickly out the door so he wouldn't get in more trouble than he already is for talking back to mommy in such a deplorable fashion.

**[East Ghettoport]**

Mario: Well... That was awkward... ALRIGHT! LET'S GO BACK TO PODLEY'S AND GET _SHWASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD!_

Team M party members: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**[Outside of Podley's Pub]**

Before going into the depraved bar, the retarded Team M just so stumbled upon a bulletin post of some breaking news in front of Podley's.

Goombella: Sayy... Ever wonder what these posts on the wall talk about?

Mario: If it's not alcohol, i'm not interested.

Goombella: Well that sure is a predictable "you" thing to say now isn't it.

Yoshi: Well quit talkin bout it just read dat shit!

[[[GDM Issue

GHETTOPORT TODAY

Old Toad Settles Inn!

It's appears that after settling into our inn last month, Toadsworth (Age 60) has often been spotted in the company of Zess T. (Age 55) to potentially sexually assault the old bitch. She be all like, "He was all like, "What's wrong with you? Why won't you spend time with my little Toadle-toes already!? My toes need your tongue for a good lickin!"" So he tried to force her down to lick his toes which got him kicked in the old people balls. He won't be charged for rape due to our town not having that sort of legal system. We just find the situation to be funny as fuck! I mean, come on right? Who the fuck does that!? lol]]]

Mario: Well that sure does sound like him alright.

Flurrie: Licking toes you say? Where can Flurrie find this Toadsworth?

Mario: Who gives a shit, BEER TIME!

**[Podley's Pub]**

And so, here we begin the 4th loony bar scene with TeaM as always sitting at the bar table, all of the random strangers we're drunk off their stupid asses at 11:00 AM in the goddamn morning as if their lives don't fucking matter. WHICH THEY DON'T! Background music: _Somebody Put Something in my Drink by The Ramones._

Yoshi: Dayamn man! Look at this place! Every1 be fighting here and shit! I love bars!

Goombella: Don't you guy's think we're going a little too overboard bringing an infant into a bar? Especially this 1?

A random bar person attempted to throw a bottle at Goombella for no reason and missed.

Mario: What are you, stupid? There was 1 person here already that brought his child. Koops puked on it. Remember?

Flurrie: Awww really... I love puking on babies... Where was I when this tomfuckery happened?

Mario: You weren't in the team yet.

Flurrie: Then I'll go back in time and make myself join so I can witness it!

Mario: Uhh... .sure.

Podley: Hello. What can I get for you 4? I mean... 5. Wow. You're team is growing every time you show up huh?

Mario: Shut up. Alright... Uhh... Let's see... What does the Mario like to drinkkk...hmm... Oh yeah! I'll have 10 of your best shots of Dickel.

Podley: Wow. No 1 ever buys that brand of whiskey cause of the name making guys seem gay if they drink it. Who's next? How about...

Flurrie: I'll have a slippery nipple! And I mean the drink! Unless you wanna see some of Flurrie's...

Just for this moment, Flurrie grew nipples to see if Podley would be aroused.

Podley: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! Ugg... Sorry. You're just so gross... But sure.

Goombella: Okay. I'll get... do you have any kind of alcohol that DOESN'T taste like shit!?

Every1 got quiet as they gasped over the outrageous comment.

Podley: Uhh... careful. You don't wanna say that too loud in here.

Random Drunk: AY! HOW DARE DID SOME1 SAY THAT ALCOHOL TASTES LIKE SHIT!?

Goombella: Umm...No. I think you're just hearing things stupid.

Random Drunk: Alrighty... Well if you need me, i'm gonna go back to trying to eat my own bar stool.

Mario: Nice 1.

The Random strange drunk returned to his bar stool to continue his retarded attempt to devour the chair by putting ketchup and pickles on it to make it taste kind of like a burger.

Podley: If you don't like beer, we have cider.

Goombella: Cider? You mean like juice or something?

Mario: Cider is the pussy version of beer that has more of a fruit kind of taste to it.

Podley: Pussy version? It comes with the same average 5% alcohol percentage.

Mario: Yeah, but still. It's not the same.

Goombella: Zip it Mario. I'll get some of that!

Podley: Here. Try a little sample of Vandermill. It's a ginger apple flavor.

Goombella: Alright.

Podley poured Goombella a small shot of the hard apple cider. And she actually drank it without gagging.

Goombella: Whoa! This is AWESOME! Where has this been all my life? I think I'll have some of that!

Mario facepalmed.

Mario: God damnit Goombella...

Podley: Alright. What will the new guy be getting?

Yoshi: Nigga I was just born! I've never drankin a damn thang in mah life! Not even dat 'water' shit every1 be talking about!

Podley: Welp, most bars don't serve infants, but we're the 1 exception in the entire universe so you're in luck. I know what you might like? Try this Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shot. It's mixed with Fireball whiskey, and Rum Chotta. It's just like drinking cereal!

Yoshi: Mmmm... Dat shit sounds goooooooood... Aight! I'm doin dat!

Podley: Alright. What about the quiet 1 with his head down?

Koops: Oh me? Ehhh... I don't really feel like drinking today.

Mario: WHAT!? Oh come on! Just drink something you stupid loser!

Koops: *Sigh* Fiiiiiiiine... I see a thing on the menu about a Mai Tai. That doesn't look so bad.

Mario: It's a GAY drink!

Koops: But it looks pretty promising I guess...

Mario: Pfft... Whatever. You all have bad taste anyway.

Podley: Alright. Is that all?

Mario: Yeah...

Podley: Alright. THat will be 71 coins.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! THAT'S EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE THAN LAST TIME!

Mario was about to pull out his hammer and bash Podley in the jaw.

Podley: We'll you are the recently famous Great Gonzales right? You should be fine paying me being a rich celebrity and all. I'm even throwing down a slight discount cause of it.

Mario: Discount? ... Fuck you... fine.

Mario paid the depressed bartender.

Podley: Thank you. This will help me get over my evil twin brother's mysterious deth. So thank you. Drinks are coming up.

Koops was seen keeping his head down isolating himself from every1.

Mario: Dude, Koops. What the fuck are you doing? You're acting fucking weirder than normal!

Koops: Uhh... Oh, spin dashing splenda... I don't know... I just feel... kind of…...

Flurrie: Aww... What's wrong? You want the Ol' Madame Flurrie to give you a kissy kiss?

Koops: NO! Just... leave me alone...

Goombella: Let me guess... It's from reading the Peach email? Or wait, was from that scary back alley organ harvester?

Koops: ... Yeah...It's a little of both. I don't really wanna talk about it. It's been making me feel a little poopy lately... Like, after reading that email and almost getting raped and having my organs harvested and junk. Puts you in kind of an odd perspective. Plus the other 2 times I almost got raped in the series don't help either. Like in Chapture 3 where Robotnik was gonna rape me 1st in his rape cage where he rapes people, and then there's Chapture 4 where Flurrie got too horny and pinned me down for a brief period... I mean, I don't know...

A random drunk got so drunk that he thought he was William Shakespeare. So he pulled down his pants, and rubbed his penis on his friends making them highly uncomfortable.

The bar music started playing _Light my Fire by The Doors._

Podley: Here are your drinks.

Mario: Sweet! Now we can get drunk and you can get over that bullshit!

Koops started chugging his Mai Tai immediately.

Goombella: Please don't get blasted like last time Mario.

Mario: You know I will. And you also know I won't care. So good for you for being an ugly fuck face with no nose or arms or tits.

Mario grabbed 2 of his shots and downed them like a Mel Gibson behind the wheel.

A random stranger walked up to Yoshi.

Random Stranger: Hey kid, wanna... go into the bathroom with me? I need help going pee pee...

Yoshi grabbed Mario's hammer and bashed the obvious pedophil's head flat.

Koops: I mean... why do people even like sex? All it is, is people getting hurt, raped, impregnated, and getting STDs all because people wanna have 5 minutes or 10 hours of horny pleasure when they can just masterbate instead without any of that bullshit. I just don't get why sex is made out be this amazing experience when It's not even that great...

Team M all angrily looked at Koops with a frustrated expression.

Flurrie: Shut up Koops.

Koops: No! You shut up! No 1 even likes you... If you died, none of us would give a shit!

Every1 Else: ... Holy shit. Did that just happen?

Flurrie: Tawking dirty to Flurrie huh? ... Alright, I guess you're sexy again. Mmmmm... Your sassiness just made me damp in my waffle hole...

Yoshi: Man. Whatchu hating on sex for? You like, gay or something? I mean, I know you gay, but still!

Koops: No! I just think the world focuses too much on sex and we're all too culturally indoctrinated and brainwashed to see past it. I mean, I don't know...

Mario: Dude, stop being a depressing piece of shit. It's annoying the piss out of me. Look, let's just * takes another 2 shots* do some bar stuff * takes 2 more shots* like tell some dumb ass jokes! Wrrr at are bar right? This is the 1 of the few times when *BURP* we can really be ourselves!

Yoshi: DAMN THIS CEREAL SHOT SHIT HELL AS AMAZING!

Goombella: You mean "amazing as hell?" Fuck. I'm having a hard time coming up with material right now. I need to find something in the background to inspire my comedy.

A random phrat boy started hand standing naked from the waist under with socks on as 2 of his friends held his legs up to help him butt chug Pabst Blue Ribbon beer to get him drunker than if it entered his oral cavity.

Yoshi: Bitch, You've never been drunk before, have you.

Goombella: ... God you're annoying. I don't get why some people actually think you're the "fan favorite."

Yoshi: BECAUSE I CAN NIGG!

Goombella: BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK!

Koops: Well gosh golly Mario, I think maybe you have a point. Hey! Wanna hear my favorite joke? What's 0 times 0?

Mario: The number of friends you have.

Yoshi: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! DAYAMN NIGGA HEE GOT YO ASS GOOD HAHAAA! AIGHT! I GOT 1! YO MAMA'S SO WHITE, SHE WAS BORN IN A CRACKER FACTORY! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Yoshi jumped really high, and started grabbing the ceiling thinking he's just like Spider Man.

Yoshi: YO NIGGAS! LOOK! LOOK! I'M SPIDA-MAN!

Goombella: God. Never in my life have I ever thought I'd witness the sight of a drunk infant. I better drink this fast so I can be drunk enough not to give a shit.

Goombella kept quickly trying to drink her shots!

Yoshi threw his speedo underwear diaper thing at Goombella's face.

Yoshi: TAKE DAT, BIATCH!

Goombella: ... And I just lost my appetite.

Koops: K, I got another joke! What's 7 and rhymes with purple? Oh shit. I told the joke wrong. What's purple-

Mario: YOU ALREADY RUINED THE JOKE, DICK BREATH!

Koops: Pudding!

Mario pushed Koops off the bar stool causing a bruising domino effect that knocked down alot of people next to him making them fall and be all bloody and cut up.

Koops: I was only... trying... to be funny...

A random drunk went to the bathroom to try getting high off of drinking the bathroom soap.

Flurrie: I got 1, why was the pirate banned from the movies?

Koops: Why?

Flurrie: Cause he was ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRESTED for raping little boys!

Flavio: HEY! THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO PIRATES!

Mario bashed an empty shot glass on Flavio's forehead above his eye socket knocking him out with glass in his face.

Mario: Oh yeah! Your just joke reminded me! I thiink *BURP* Koops is write about you dying and no 1 feeling bad. Like *BURP* seriously.

A random drunk tried getting drunk off of windshield wiper fluid, but got sick.

Flurrie: And that pirate was me. In a porn... and maybe in real life 1 time.

Mario: My god,

Mario took off his drunk glove and smacked Flurrie with it.

Mario: Your breath smells like hobo shit after eating rat guts. I hope you make like Joan Rivers and die from surgery you ugly fuck-lard!

Goombella: Isn't that kind of in bad taste?

Mario: Who said it was a joke? Okay. Here's a good 1 I got for all of you!

Mario got up on the table.

Mario: ATTENTION FELLOW DRUNKS! WHO WANT'S TO BET 50 COINS TO SEE IF I CAN KICK MY OWN ASS! Ehh? EHH!? COME ON! Come on…. WHO'S READY TO THROW THEIR COINS AT ME!

As Mario took off his sweaty shirt, the bar people started crowding him and went as far is to actually throw coins at Mario thinking he was a gross prostitute from Israel.

Koops: GO MARIO, GO!

Flurrie: What a fabulous performance this is...

Yoshi was still climbing on the ceiling.

Goombella: God, when is natural selection gonna get off it's smoke break and wipe you people out?

Mario started full forcingly whacking himself in the face with his hammer while every1 cheered for him. Since he was so drunk, he felt [0 Damage] But did lose a tooth.

Bar Audience: WOOOOO! FOSDHSDIGSFGIJSBDVISDBSIGBSDNFKJ!

Podley: HEY! Get off my bar table!

Mario: MAKE ME! I'M ACHIEVED 1 OF MY NEW SPECIAL FORMS; 'DRUNK MARIO!' LIKE METAL MARIO FROM SM46, I MEAN *BURP* 63 or whatever, , I DON'T EVEN FEEL PAIN!

Mario slipped on some beer on the table and fell on the unconscious Flavio. He landed his ass on the part of him with glass all over his face making them both even bloodier.

Podley: Well... would you stop if I told you that we installed a Pac Man machine today.

Mario raised his head back up.

Mario: WHAT!? Pac Man?

Later after after Mario took 3 shots, he punted a little Toad kid in the face so he can use the Pac Man machine. Team M was hovering above Mario getting the highest score at Pac Man while _Ace of Spades by Motorhead_ started playing. He was on the 6th level.

Koops: COME ON MARIO! YOU CAN DO IT! EAT THE CHERRY EAT THE FUCKING CHERRY!

Goombella: Their not all cherries. I believe that's a... hold on. Let me google what that thing is on my phone.

Mario lost another life in Pac Man trying to eat a blue ghost that turned back to normal at the last millisecond. Man, I hate when that happens.

Mario: FUCKING DAMNIT! I LOST ANOTHER LIFE!

Yoshi: MAAAN, YOU DID DAT THANG AGAIN WHERE YOU TRIED EATING THE GHOST AND AT LAST MINUTE DIED! FUCK AS HELL!1!

Mario: Alright Let's last life! I can do this... I CAN DO THIS!

Goombella: It's called a Galaxian, and it's worth 2000 points!

Mario drink his last shot of whiskey.

Mario: I AM 10 SHOTS OF FULL POWAAAAA!

Flurrie: Next time, you eat out those ghosts, do it before they change back.

Mario: OH FUCK! I'M CORNERED!

Koops: NO! NOT AGAIN! ANYTHING BUT THAT! OH NOOOOO!

Mario did that thing in Pac Man where at just the right millisecond, went right through the red ghost from the corner.

Mario: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Koops: HOLY SHIT!

Flurrie: MY MYYY!

Yoshi: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYMN! HOW YOU DOIN THAT!?

Mario: IT'S A POWER OF MINE KNOWN AS THE DRUNKEN SPIRIT! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Goombella: WOW! That would have been cool to record.

During Mario's drunk Pac Man spree, he got too cocky and got killed by the pink ghost not looking where he was going.

Mario and his dumb team had a blank shocked expression on their faces.

Mario: ...but... but...

Mario: THAT'S IT! THIS MACHINE IS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!

Koops: Wait Mario! Don't you wanna submit your name!? I bet you got like... the highest score!

Mario: Fuck you Koops. You bet your gay Mai Tai drinking ass I will.

Mario submitted his name for his 400,000 point score as MGM, but didn't make the top 10 unfortunately. All 10, usurped Mario in the 1,000,000s by a man named LEMMY.

Mario: WHAT THE WHAT!? LEMMY!?

Goombella: You mean the Koopaling Lemmy?

Mario: I KNOW WHO HE IS!? Great. ANother ass I have to obliterate with my erection of steel! He fucked with my high score, now I must fuck with his butt!

Koops: Aren't those Bowser's kids?

Mario: Not really. Basically, back in 1987, Bowser rounded up some of the worst Mario fans in all of existence and turned them into his minions by taking their brains out surgically, and putting them into the bodies of mutated miniature Koopa clones mixed with his own DNA and other genomes of random celebrities and referred to them as his children. 1 was a coprophiliac diapering hentai artist, 1 was fat and made out of 800 pounds of cool ranch doritos, the other 1 was 1 who tried making a legal document claiming her and bowser were married, 1 was a professional game hacker that made a profit off of his hacks, the other was a guy who tried suing Super Mario Bros for being too violent even though he didn't care and wanted coins and got help with his lawyer mom, then there was 1 that kept sending deth threats to Miyamoto because the guy thought he invented Mario Games 1st, and last but not least, there was the 1 who would over react when he'd lose in Mario styled larping so bad, he would go in his house, and beat up his mom for no reason. And now they're the 7 Koopalings.

Koops: Wowwy.

Lemmy Kilmister (Age 58): If you wanna know who Lemmy is, it's me.

Mario: Holy shit I know who you are!

Goombella: Uhh... Who's that exactly?

Mario: Don't you recognize the lead singer of 1 of the greatest bands of all time Motorhead of all places!? Wow holy shit! I love your music! Man wow, like, what exactly are you doing in this shit hole of all places?

Lemmy: Oh you know. Just going to every bar around the world and what not. 1 of my bandmates was telling me about this place so I was interested to check it out. That's all.

Mario: Well no shit! You live a rock and roll lifestyle as always. So you're the badass with the badass scores on Pac Man!

Koops: Weren't you threatening to rape hi-

Mario: Shut up Koops! No I didn't!

Lemmy: Hey. Let me get another whack at that game to see if I can beat my high score.

Lemmy grabbed his bass guitar and bashed Flurrie in the mouth out of his way to play some Pac Man.

Mario: Nice 1!

Flurrie: Ta *spits blood* Tastes like the hospital...

2 minutes later, after Lemmy from Motorhead got a top score of 100,000,000 like a based god in Pac Man, a bunch of annoying bar drunks we're trying to get his attention by creating a drunk mosh pit to the Motorhead marathon Podley was playing. The moshers wrecked so much of the fucking place to the point where it looked like a tornado hit the inside of the bar. Beer was slipping everywhere, people were sliding on bar stools on the bar, fans were being ripped up, every1 was getting cut up by the shards of glass from the shattered beer bottles everywhere as they excessively kept falling all over the place.

Lemmy: Welp, looks like 100,000,000 is my new high score.

Mario: I... don't know what to say. THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!

Yoshi: THE FUCK!? YOU LIKE, MADE PAC MAN YOUR BITCH! ... Or was it the ghosts you made your bitch. Man, I don't fuckin know!

Lemmy: Ehh. It's no problem. Next time, I think I'll shoot for 1,000,000,000 or something like that.

Koops: Rolling raisons! Are you a god or something!?

Lemmy: Hell no. I breathe air just like you.

Mario: Oh man. But seriously, It's a serious honor meeting you.

Lemmy: Well it's an honor meeting you too Gonzales.

Mario: Ehh... It's me, Ma-

Lemmy: I GOT YOU! You're fucking Mario! I know. I was messing with you.

Mario: Ooooooh. HAHAHHAHAAHA! You got me. Say, are you interested in joining my Team M at all? We have room for a new partner this chapture.

Lemmy: Nah. It's alright. I gotta go back on the tour and what not.

Mario: Understood sir. Say, before you go, can I get your autograph?

Lemmy: Why the fuck not! What do you want me to sign?

Mario: ... Sign my fucking chest.

Lemmy: Alright, 1 chest signature coming right up.

Lemmy pulled out a pen and signed his name on Mario's chest.

Lemmy: Now before I go, you gotta sign my bass guitar for being 1 of my video game heroes.

Mario: WHAT!? REALLY!? NO FUCKING WAY! SHIT YEAH!

Mario signed Lemmy's signature bass guitars.

Lemmy: Alright. Nice meeting you all! I must make my leave now. Cause I'm in Motorhead, and we play Rock n' fuckin' Roll!

Lemmy flew through the ceiling of the building like the superhero he is.

Mario: Holy shit. This is the best day of my life. Alright. Let's getting back to the *BURP* adventure now. THIS WAY!

To somewhat impersonate Lemmy, Mario broke a gaping hole through the pub and walked straight through the busted wall.

And came back through the hole.

Mario: I FORGET TO GO BACK TO THAT BADGE SHOP! MY BAD!

Oh yeah. And Flurrie finished her slippery nipple.

**[Badge Shop]**

Mario: KNOCK KNOCK! GUESS WHOS BACK BITCH-FUCK!?

Ms. M- I mean, badge shop owner: Oh hey... It's you again.

Mario: What's wrong? Unhappy to see me sexy mouse lady who totally doesn't look like Ms. Mowz!?

Goombella: What is with your profound fetish for mice? Oh well, I'm too drunk to really care.

Mario: We all know you're not drunk. So sHUT *BURP* UP!

Goombella: You just burped in my face!

Badge Shop Owner: It's... nothing. I just had a bad sexual experience that happened with some1 yesterday that's been weighing on me.

Koops: Wait? What is it?

Badge Shop Owner: I said it's nothing! ... we got 1 new badge that power's up your partner's attacks by 2 when in danger called a **Power Rush P** and we have another weird 1 where you can jump on an opponent and it makes them shrink. It's called a **Shrink Stomp**.

Mario: SOLD!

Mario 1ce again paid the right quantity of coins up front oddly like a gentleman.

Koops: You palz ever notice how there's badges that upgrade partners? Like, how do the badges know we're partner's when Mario puts them on?

Flurrie: I think they sense our pulses magnetically from us to Mario from the [INITIATION MODE] process.

Koops: Oh... Wait, you didn't say anything sexy or gross.

Mario: Welp, thank you for your service Ms. NOTMowz. I'M OFF!

**[Ghettoport]**

Mario bursted through the wall again like an Armored TItan forgetting he was on a rooftop waiting for another dumbass fall.

Mario: OH SHIT! I FORGOT I WAS ON A ROOF TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Mario fell off again. He was still drunk enough to be fine though when he landed on the floor.

Goombella: MARIO! YOU IDIOT! STOP FALLING OFF THE ROOFTOP ALREADY!

Mario: THank you... *coughs up a lung*... captain hindsight...

Flurrie lifted the party back onto the ground.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! YOU BE DROPPIN OFF EVERYTHANG!

Koops: Wait, I think you landed on some1!

Mario got up noticing that he nearly flattened Zess T flatter than the world itself.

Goombella: HOLY SHIT! YOU KILLED THAT WOMAN!

Mario: Oh good. It's that bitch no 1 likes.

Yoshi: Who dat again?

Mario: No 1 worth caring about.

Koops: That's the old lady that wouldn't let us cross to the west side to get to Glitzville yesterday.

Yoshi: Sheeeit really. What a bitch.

Flurrie hovered over Zess T and felt her pulse under her saggy worn out left tit with her tongue.

Flurrie: Mmmmmm... Looks like the poor dearie's alive.

Flurrie started making out and molesting her unconscious toad body in various unpleasant Flurrie ways.

Mario: FUck! Shes ALIVE!?

Koops: I thought that would a good thing!

Mario: EVERYBODY! RUN! NOW! BEFORE SHE WAKES UP!

Team M stormed out while Flurrie lifted Zess T's body in hopes to partake in more immoral activities with her.

Mario: FLURRIE! LEAVE THE BODY!

Flurrie: But why dearie?

Mario: CUZ! THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF WHY WE'RE RUNNING YOU DUMB FAT SLUT THING! LET'S GO BEFORE SHE KEEPS US FROM STARTING A NEW SUB-CHAPTURE!

Flurrie: Fine... Have it your way.

Flurrie carelessly chucked Zess T's floppy body on the rooftop like a frisby.

**Chapture 5 - 6: Ass Tatts**

**[Ghettoport Sewers]**

Team M as almost usual re-entered the slimy sewers of the Ghetto where Mario greased himself and his team through the vent again. Of course you know, most people aren't retarded enough to go down there. Not even all of the drunks in Podley's Pub combined. But Team M have reasons as you know. And they have some pretty low standards low enough to make the depraved events of this story happen for you fuckheaded readers!

Koops: Shucks Mario. I'm surprised you're not as drunk as you'd normally be. Like, last time, you had 8 shots last time, and you were way more ballistic!

Mario: Well I was gonna go "way more ballistic", but then I got distracted by fucking PAC-MAN!

Koops: Hooray!

Yoshi: So where you think we go down in here?

Goombella: Well there's a creepy wooden door by us we've never been to before. Let's try that.

Mario: Let do it!

They opened the door and spotted a small room with an ominus brown rustybrick warp pipe that looks like it's seen better days. The days where it didn't become polymerized with fecal matter. Also, there was dumb graffiti art of young couples that thought their relationships would mean something by painting hearts with their initials inside like angsty fucking twats.

Yoshi: Look guys! I found dat warp pipe we was lookin' for!

Flurrie: Mmmmm what a lovely looking warp pipe! I just can't wait to sink my teeth right through it.

Koops: I'm kind of scared to enter it guaiyz!

Mario: Sweet! It's about time! Welp, off to another fucked up adventure we go!

Goombella: Great... Now we gotta ride this pipe for a long, time consuming period... *sigh* I better not get a cut on the rusty edges. I haven't had a tetanus shot in years.

Team M hopped in the warp pipe 1 at a time. You think this would start the new chapture, but guess again, they ALL got spat out! and slammed into the wall.

Goombella: OUCH!

Koops: Aww shucks. What in the world just happened?

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE GARGLING FUCK!? WE WERE SO CLOSE! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Yoshi: Maaaaan talk about bogus as haill right?

Mario started bashing his head onto the rustybrick warp pipe with his forehead in the epitome of rage.

Goombella: Mario. Stop doing that!

Mario: NO! THIS IS BULL CUCK! I'VE NEVER BEEN REJECTED FROM A WARP PIPE IN MY LIFE! EVER!

Koops: Well maybe there's some kind of silly rittle we have to fulfill 1st! Heh! I'm soo guud at those!

Mario: That's it! I'm going back in!

Mario kept entering the pipe and in response, it kept spitting him out!

Mario: IS THEIR AN AIR VENT IN THIS THING PUSHING ME UP!?

Flurrie: I'm not so sure. It's like we enter the pipe, and then immediately when it looks like we're about to reach the other side, we get spat up back here. Like getting thrown in a loop. Although it does give Flurrie now inspiration for some kind of horror porn.

Goombella: That's a thing?

Koops: Aww... I knew it was gonna be a ghost level guys... Maybe we need to got to the grocery store and buy some Ice Mountain water and pour it on.

Goombella: How will that help?

Koops: Cause you know, we need holy water!

Goombella: At a grocery store…?

Koops: Well, I don't know. You never know, I figured water itself can be holy.

Mario: I'm gonna take a shit in this warp pipe and see how this warp pipe likes it.

Mario pulled his overalls off and crowned a wretched dump inside the strange warp pipe.

Goombella: Eww... I say we go talk to Frankly to see if he has any word about this.

Yoshi: Yeii, accept he didn't know jack shit about dat place we goin to.

Goombella: I don't know. It's worth a shot. It's not like we have any other options anyway.

Mario got up from taking his shit and took a look inside the warp pipe to see if it would go down!

Mario: HA! It worked! The warp pipe took my shi-

Mario's fecal matter flew up and splattered onto Mario's face due to the pipe being cursed in it's own stupid way.

Mario: YOU FUCKING JAP!

Flurrie: Now it's Flurrie's turn to dump in the pipe.

**[Frankly's Crib]**

After Flurrie splattered her face with her own shit with the help of the warp pipe, the strange team broke back into Frankly's house and caught him masterbating to the girl from Candy Crush.

Frankly: OH COME ON! WHAT IN FREYA'S FUCK HOLE ARE YOU 5 DOING BACK HERE SO EARLY!? SO HELP ME GOD YOU BETTER TELL ME YOU ALREADY FOUND THE 4TH STAR! CAUSE THAT WOULD BE, THE ONLY REASON, WHY YOU 5 IDIOTS WOULD BARGE INTO MY HOUSE WHILE I'M PULLING MY PORK TO CANDY CRUSH!

Goombella: Yeah... well get this…*ahem*... You see…..the... the pipe.

Mario: Doesn't fucking work.

Goombella: Doesn't fucking work... What he said.

Frankly: ... GOD DAMNIT! Well, what am I supposed to do about it!?

Goombella: I don't know! Use your fucking books about this place! Or even Google if you have to.

Frankly: I WILL NEVER RESORT TO THE FUCKING INTERNET FOR INFORMATION! IF I EVER FIND MY FACE ON THERE, I'M CUTTIN' IT DOWN! ALL OF THAT INTERNET DOWN! I CAN REMEMBER ALL OF MY PORN PRETTY WELL TOO YOU KNOW!

Koops: I'm pretty sure all we need to do, is find a grocery store that sells some bottled water and use it to pour it down the pipe.

Frankly: ...

Koops: Right?

Frankly: Are you SHITTING ME!?

Koops: Hmm?

Frankly: CAN SOME1 WITH ARMS SLAP THIS AUTISTIC RETARD IN THE FACE!?

Mario: With pleasure!

Mario took off his glove and slapped Koops in the face with the glove harder than his hand with the glove occupying it could.

Koops: OUCHIES!

Mario slapped him again.

Koops: OWW MAN!

Mario: YOU'RE STUPID, AND ANNOYING, AND SHUT UP!

Frankly: Thank you Mario. If you were my student, I'd give you an A and a scholarship. But Koops or whatever your dumb name is, I'd give you such a bad grade, you'd get arrested for it.

Yoshi: DAYAMN NIGGA! HE GOT YOU GOOD!

Frankly: Welp, I don't have shit that covers Twatlight Town's weirdness and what not, BUT! I Do have a much lazier solution for our problems. You see, I made acquaintances with a stranger who lives in that fucking town!

Flurrie: Do tell...

Frankly: Well... he's pretty chill... Pretty off though... He's been dealing me some pretty good opium, and stitched up sex organs! He's a sackboy who lives behind my house! His name is Darkly. Now, don't judge me for wanting to... you know, De-Rail sex organs. That's Frankly's business. When you're 67 years old kids, you're mind starts to wonder off into deeeeep parts of your subconscious sex drive! And when you do alooooot of drugs, you learn alot about yourself! You learn you're into some weird shit that the world doesn't want you to like and sometimes, you just gotta rape the status quo in the butthole and just go for it, I mean, just who the hell do they think I am huh? Seriously! But yeah, Darkly's a pretty cool guy. He'll tell you all about Twilight Town and how to get in.

Koops: Uhh... wait, his name is Darkly? You mean that... uh oh spaghettios... I'm already feeling depressed again...

Mario: Oh cool! He should be easy to find then!

Goombella: Are you sure about that? I mean, we can find him, but are you sure meeting that creep again is a bright idea!?

Frankly: What's this you speak of?

Mario: Oh you know, some1 we met that matches that exact description found Koops' unconscious body and some wizard kicked his... Oh hey! Now that I think about it, it wasn't even our fault that he got kicked in the face! Yeah! He should be cool then, let's get go Team!

Frankly: Very good, AND IF YOU GUY'S COME BACK A 3RD TIME THIS CHAPTURE, THERE IS GOING TO BE MORE HELL TO PAY THAN THE LEAD SINGER OF CREED'S DOWNWARD MUSIC CAREER. GOT THAT!?

Mario: We never do. So shut your shrivelled fucking mouth and die!

Goombella: You have a confusing relationship with my professor.

**[Back Alley Ghettoport]**

As planned, Mario and his strange friends ran into the even stranger character; Darkly. Who was sucking the fat out of a sevvard butt cheek with a silly straw.

Darkly: Why hellllohhoohoohooohohooooooo... Darkly didn't expect to see you hunks of meat again sosoon... Especially after that annoying wizzzard foot hit me to sleep... Darkly don't like that 1 b...it..

Koops his behind FLurrie's big fat cloudy ass and cried a little.

Mario: We get it, you're a creepy organ harvesting cretin that thinks he can compete with Jason from Friday the 13th in creepiness. Yeah, so how do we go back to Twilight Town?

Darkly: …...Mmmmm... Darkly get's the sheer feeling that you must have tried entering….. the cursed warp pipe and got spat out a bunch...

Yoshi: Yei, we know! Now tell our asses somethin we don't know before we surgically stitch yo ass to your mouth bitch.

Darkly: Well... You're all in luck because that process is ever so simple! You see, the way around the warp pipe's curse, is to have your name tattooed somewhere... on your body.

Goombella: ... whAt?

Darkly: Darkly said you need a tattoo with your own name on it in order to pass through the warp pipe to Twilight Town so it knows you're not a bot... What? Doesn't every1 have a tattoo with their name on them? How else are you supposed remember your own name?

Koops tried distracting himself with hentai of Miss Krabappel shooting milk enema out of her ass and into Nelson's mouth while he laughed at Bart for getting an F.

Flurrie: A tattoo with my name on it!? Why haven't I thought of such sheer brilliance?

Mario: Wait a sec. Lemmy from Motorhead signed his autograph on my chest today. Can't I just call myself Lemmy from now on and pass then? That's it. From this day forward, my name shall now be known as Lemmy! There. Problem solved.

Darkly: Noooooooo... The ink has to be embedded into your skin in order to function around the warp pipe's curse.

Lemmy- I mean, Mario: But that's dumb!

Darkly: It doesn't matter... it is how it is...

Koops: But... won't getting a tattoo with our names on us only make us seem arrogant?

Darkly: Do you want to enter the pipe or not?

Goombella: Wait, you're not a tattoo guy, are you?

Darkly: Dark sure is. Darkly be the only 1 in the region who is, so Darkly is all you have.

Mario: Alright then. Every1! looks like we're getting tatted!

Darkly: Just a few more condition's I have to warn you all about before I partake in this pppprocedure... . 1st, For this tattoo job, Darkly only has this pin in his hand used for sewing organs, and Darkly isn't 100% sure if it's rusty or not. 2nd, from what you can tell by the title of this sub-chapture, I only do ass tattoos. So brace for that.

Goombella: EWW NO! Can't you just do it on my side!?

Darkly: No. Dark is the only tattoo parlor in the entire region, and he only inks butts... So take it or leave it...

Goombella: So... I have to get... NAKED... in front of my team!?

Mario: Yes you do. And so do we.

Goombella started to panic deep down.

Goombella: Oh man…. I was REALLY HOPING I would never have to resort to this… This is so unfair...

Yoshi: Ah he'll yeah! I'm gettin an ass tattoo right now, nigga! I'm going 1st!

Yoshi pulled down his speedo thing and hopped on the table resting on his stomach.

Yoshi: This ain't gonna hurt is it?

So yeah... the dumb ass Team found themselves in an astounding amount of butt pain after that torturous tattoo procedure where they all screamed, and shouted in agony, and now they all have butt tattoos. If you really care to know the order of who got tatted from 1st to last,, it was Yoshi, than Mario, than Koops, than Goombella, and than Flurrie. Darkly has a weird rule about having people go Z to A alphabetically. Yoshi going 1st was just sheer luck for Darkly to not yell at them and call off the deal over that minor rule.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! DAT SHIT BE ALL PAINFUL AS FUCK ON MY AYASS, BITCH!

Darkly: Not as painful for Darkly….. Though I do admit, normally I would harvest all of your butt cheeks, but I'm already getting paid for this, so I sidest against it.

Mario: WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY YOU!? FUCK THAT!

Darkly: It's a tattoo job. That's how it always works.

Mario: ... FINE! How much are you begging for?

Darkly: Darkly wants 250 Coins!

Mario: ... FINE! And just so you know, if this doesn't work,so help me, i'm gonna fuck you right in the baby gap! And I'm not talking about the store neither!

Mario handed Darkly the coins.

Darkly: You know, that isn't so much of a threat to Darkly for it sure indeed be a pleasurous offer..

Mario: You're a rip off artist piece of shit that I hope overdoses on chompadil! Come on team, you know the drill! Let's go.

Goombella: Great. Now I have to make absolute sure no 1 ever sees my butt ever again with this stupid ass tattoo! Especially my parents...

Flurrie: Cheer up Goombella. I'd say it makes our butts look hotter.

Goombella: Your opinions matter less and less to me every second you speak!

**[Ghettoport Sewers Again]**

Now that they figured out how the fuck to enter that fucking pipe, they can now 'you know what' into it now!

Mario: Okay. If this doesn't work, I'm gonna start a 2nd even funnier holocaust. It will be so funny, when Hollywood makes a movie out of it, they'll have me played by Mel Gibson.

Goombella: You have a concerning imagination.

Koops: Hey. This is the most random thing in the world to bring up, but like, when are you gonna put on those new badges Mario?

Mario: Whenever I decide to upgrade my BP.

Koops: But didn't that Charge P badge work recently? You only have 18 BP and there's an extra 1 BP being used for your other badges.

Mario: Oh yeah. You're talking about back in Glitzville? Yeah, I swapped out the Sleepy Stomp badge. That 1 just didn't look very promising to me to be honest.

Koops: Aww man... I was hoping that we we're gonna find out that we don't need to use BP this whole time...

Mario: Well you know video game logic. If you put too many badges on, your body suddenly goes inside out. Now are we gonna bitch and moan and this shit or are we gonna begin the bulk of the new chapture already!

Yoshi: Yei. let's go to dat ghost so I can cap some ghost ass already!

Koops: My butt hurts.

Flurrie: Mine hurts with sheer joy.

Mario: Yes indeed. OFF TO TWATLIGHT TOWN!

**[Siren Island]**

Meanwhile on some island, some intense family shit was going on.

Beldam was seen excessively assaulting Vivian by smacking her in the face with a balled up fist. Vivian just stood there and took it believing that her older sister is stronger than her.

Vivian: Sis, OUCH! Not to be OUCH rude, but OUCH, Can you OUCH! Explain to OUCH me why OUCH! Hitting me is OUCH! Is helping? OUCH!

Beldam: I'm doing it! Cause of you! Making us! Seem weak! In front of! Grodus again! Learn to! Obey me! You! Slow half-witted BITCH!

Vivian: OUCH! I'M doing the OUCH! Best I OUCH can! OUCH!

Beldam: YOUR BEST! IS SHIT! Do Yoou! Think I like! Wasting my! Energy on! Beating you up! When I! Could be! Shooting Heroin!? Cause I do! Your lucky! I sided against! Grodus on! Killing you! Yesterday!

Marilyn was busy swallowing a Great White Shark from the ocean whole. It was already halfway down her mouth.

Vivian: You did? OUCH!

Beldam: Don't get! The wrong! Idea! You're j-j-j-j-j-just! a mere object! to me! I choose! The possessions! I please! *inhales gasoline* You're not even a sister to me. To me, you're just a mere object, perhaps a coffee maker of some sorts! A broken 1 I'm trying to fix right now! Really, your only good for either being my shield, and as an extra hands to do my bidding! AND NOTHING MORE! Especially for our new mission! UNDERSTOOD!?

Vivian: Yehehehehssssss... OUCH! I'M OUCH! SORRY! OUCH! OUCH!

Beldam continued to violently attack the endangered shadow thing as Marilyn was licking the sand for dessert..

**Chapture 5 - 7: The Twilight Zone**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 8:32 PM, clear sky dusk and 64 Degrees F]_

**[Twilight Town]**

After the unpleasant 8 hour warp pipe ride that ACTUALLY worked this time, the retarded team was shot out smack dab into the town of the Twilight Zone. And not the 1 you might be thinking of. Oh right! I almost forgot, you might want another description apart from the map's vague description. So, there are ded autumn looking trees with racist looking crows sitting on them, old houses that look like they're eastern european styled, I can't tell if the grass is orange from some kind of stupid drought or if the glow of the oddly magenta colored sunset that doesn't normally happen is responsible for the grass color. The moon was abnormally large. Almost as if it was about to crash on the earth like Majora's mask or like in my favorite anime that I mention from time to that I don't wanna mention right now on account that I'd be ashamed to give spoilers of. It's probably just for horror effects or some shit though.

Mario: HA-FUCKING-ZA! WE MADE IT!

Goombella: Wow... This place actually doesn't smell like a nazile holocaust for 1ce! It actually kind of smells like pigs for some reason, but that's not nearly as offensive as some the other smells in this region we've had to put up with lately.

Yoshi: Yep... dis shit definitely looks haunted as fuck right here. Guess imma have to kick some cracka ass ghost ass up in here

Flurrie: This is duly where I plan to make my horror porn flick when I get to it. Perhaps FLurrie shall mate with some of the crows around here for inspiration.

Flurrie started drooling at the thought of it.

Koops: Err... This place already gives me the heeby jeebies... Mrrrr...

Mario: Yeah. It is a little on the creepy side I guess. It's almost as creepy as the Millennium Star.

Yoshi: Who dat?

Goombella: Wait, that silver star from your Mario Party 3 game?

Mario: Yeah! That star got caught with child porn on his desktop by the feds soon after the game came out. Now he has to go door to door addressing that he's a pedder-ass. That is why we will never see him again. Couldn't you tell by his pervy mustache?

Koops: ... No?

Goombella: Well, your 1 to talk with your mustache.

Mario: That's different. I have facial hair all over my face. It's not as weird looking that way.

Goombella: Right, except you DO only have the mustache!

Mario: Oh shit. You're right. But still, it's not like i'm a registered pe...do... Oh shit. I'm suddenly remembering how I got fired from my plumbing job. Well it's not like I raped her or anything. I mean, I was going to, yeah, but that's because I thought she was 18 so that's okay.

Goombella: ... wow.

A random sackboy that was mindlessly staring at Team M stopped staring at them and finally decided to walk up to them to introduce himself.

Freddy (Age 30): Howdy! You all must be the new travelers. I know, cause I saw you 5 pop out of the warp pipe a minute ago. It's been a long time since we've gotten some of your kind.

Mario: Oh great. Another organ harvester. *sigh* Do I have to kill you?

Freddy: No man. I'm not an organ harvester. My name's Freddy. And you must be thinking of my mentally ill brother, Darkly that actually got banned from Twilight Town for making light switches out of stuffed baby penises. Yeah don't worry. Most of us Sackboy's aren't like that. It's just a crude stereotype started by him. I mean, I like to look at things. I mean, alot actually. Speaking of looking at things, I notice you all are an inner special gang of strange, yet badass adventures. Hmmm... I can't tell exactly if you came at a bad time, or the best possible time ever.

Yoshi: Whatchu talkin bout Freddy?

A big ass loud annoying ear killing sound of an Air Horn started blasting from miles away.

Koops: OUCHERZ! THAT REALLY HURTS MY EARS A TON! GEE-FUCKING-WIZZ!

Mario: IT'S GIVING ME EAR CANCER!

Flurrie: UHHH! UUUUUHHH! UUUUUUUUUH! I JUST CAME!

The sound suddenly stopped.

Freddy: Yeah... that sound has been going off alot since yesterday since that whole Glitzville hype. I don't know if the 2 are related though. Which reminds me, you kind of look like that Gonzales guy who started all the big controversial Glitzville hype after summoning Jeffery Dahmer. Sorry, I'm getting off track. But yeah, every time that sound goes off, 1 of our villagers gets turned into a pig. And I think the sound is becoming more and more excessive lately.

Goombella: Wait, repeat that. You said people are turning into pigs?

Freddy: Well yeah. Look around.

Team M looked around noticing half the town being populated with pigs with red glowing eyes.

Koops: WOW! That sure does explain why it smells like pigs here! Shucks!

Flurrie: All the more material for my horror porn. I think I'll have a swine snuff out my truffle while he porks me in the slop...

Mario: Wait, I have a question, THat's retarded!

Goombella: THat's... Not a question.

Freddy: We don't know what's causing it, but iincase it's a religious thing, we started sacrificing our virgins to see if the curse will stop. No luck so far…

The scene briefly panned to a sacrifice in the middle of the town where a bunch of sack people were standing around waiting for a 10 year old sack girl to get her head decapitated by a giant pair of scissors similar to the 1 from Kill La Kill.

The Mayor of Sack People (Age 73): We're here to offer another dark soul to the gods so they can stop turning us into pigs blah blah blah let's get on with this shit already.

Little sack girl (Age 11): MOMMY!

She was 11. Mybad.

The Victorian Masked Executioner did the job and cut off the little girl's head off with the scissors making her bleed of cotton and gore. Gore that was also made out of cotton.

Freddy: ... Unfortunately, only our town's children are virgins so we have very little material left to work with. Actually, the virginity thing doesn't matter. We just use that as an excuse cause people who are getting laid matter way more.

The Air horn blasted again.

Flurrie: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH! I JUST CAME AGAIN!

Suddenly, Freddy turned into a fucking pig.

Pig Freddy: Oink oink.

Yoshi: Ah hell naw nigga! He be all porky and shit!

Mario: This pig shit is starting to make me hungry.

Flurrie: Don't you mean horny?

Mario: ... No. I don't.

The Amish seeming Mayor walked up to the confused troubled team with eyebrows that cover his eyes similar to Mayor Kroop. He can see as well. His skin is turquoise (greenish blue for idiots who don't know color or for you color blind people who totally know what turquoise is i'm a dick). He was worn out and had a big ass gash of bleeding cotton sticking out of his head which might have to do with his potential mental state. We'll see.

The Mayor of Sack People: OH GOD BADNESS! NOT MY FAVORITE SON, FREDDY! I named him after the character from Nightmare on Elm Street... And I *sniff* really like that movie too...

Yoshi: Damn! Yo ass be lookin OLD G! You gotta DO somethin bout dat!

Mario: Shit. Another old person in the story. Great... WHat are you? Like the 10th or 11th 1?

The Mayor of Sack People: I am the mayor of this fucked up pig town. Though from what you can tell from my opened head wound, I'm indeed be pretty stupid. But despite being so stupid, I think I can tell you fine gentlemen are adventurers, right?

Flurrie: We are of many things... I'm just curious. Do you ever do pleasuresome things with your opened head wound?

The Mayor of Sack People: I do indeed. Say, speaking of sexually related things? Do any of y'all happen to be virgins?

Mario: Goombella and Yoshi! Do not answer that question!

Goombella: How do you even know that I'm a-

Mario: SHUT UP, STUPID!

Goombella: Pfft. Great... Apparently I'm the stupid 1 now… Yeah right.

The Mayor of Sack People: Hmm... Why don't chu-all come to my home. I have pretzels in a bowl for guests.

Mario: I don't know... Last time I talked to an old guy with a southern accent, he turned out to be the boss I had to fight last chapture.

The Mayor of Sack People: Nonsense! You're safe with me. Now come! I promise y'all will remain in 1 piece.

Mario: Now you're making me feel more suspicious…

Koops was distracting himself with watching Blue Man Group hentai on his phone.

**[The Mayor's pad]**

The Mayor of Sack People: Welcome the my shitty home of my shitty depressing town where every1 and everything dies. I must say, you travellers have a weird taste of places to check out seeing as though you're in this dump. This town fucking sucks rat shit, it's almost as poor as Eastern Europe, and I can't fucking figure out the scientific biology of how our ragdoll looking race is even alive.

Flurrie was distracted as she was devouring all of the pretzels like a gross slob getting crumbs everywhere. Including all over her face.

Mario: So apart from people turning into pigs, this town just sucks in general? Yep. Doesn't phase me.

The Mayor of Sack People: Welp, you guessed it alright. This town sure is cursed.

Koops: Cursed!? Oh Flopping Flounders! I'm shaking in the short's just thinking about it...

Mario: Wasn't it obvious already that this town had a pig curse?

Koops: I'm just gonna play with some bubble wrap to ease my consciousness.

Goombella: You have bubble wrap? Why?

Koops: Remember the bubble wrap that came with the tobacco pipe we bought for Zess T? I kept it for safe keeping just incase I got REALLY nervous.

Goombella: You kept it on you the whole time? Alright then. So Mayor, tell us about this curse.

The Mayor of Sack People: Yes, curse. That is the right word, right? Let me check my dictionary just incase.

Goombella: No. You're right.

The Mayor of Sack People: Good. Cause I can't read cause of the hole in my head. You see... Most people don't know the truth cause I don't feel like telling them, but beyond this town, be of a haunted looking forest. Wait, they know about the forest. But what they don't know, is that in this forest contains an old ass weird building, known as the Creepy Steeple. A bizarre demon thing lives inside of there... It's curse ordains that when the loud air horn rings... Any1 living here in the village automatically ...becomes a swine. Oh such a cruel fate for this already cruel world of ours. Like a withering leaf in a cold autumn dusk. Sorry, I'm taking an online class on poetic symbolism.

Yoshi: So you sayin dat some demon nigga be cursing all y'all motha fuckaz? Dat shits messed up. No. Scratch dat. Dat's FUCKED up! If dat nigg ass bitch even try and curse me, I'll be all like "AY BITCH! JUST WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU DOIN TRYIN' TO CURSE MAH ASS, BITCH! I'LL COME OVER THERE AND PULL OUT A BLAP BLAP AND MAKE YOU BLEED ON YO NEW ASS RUG N SHIT!" Then I'll be like, "YEAH! DAT'S WHATCHU GET FOR TRYIN TO CURSE MAH ASS BITCH! AND GUESS WHAT BITCH!? I'M ALSO HERE TO FUCK YOUR WIFE! LONG DICK STYLE!" And I be all fuckin his wife on his new rug and shit! And he gonna cry and I'll be all like, "YEAH! WHAT!? YOU A FUCK BITCH NIGGA ASS BITCH FOR CRYING AND BLEEDING YO ASS ON THE FLOOR LIKE A WORTHLESS BITCH ASS FOOL! YEI! I FUCKED YO WIFE BALLZ DEEP, BITCH! HOW BOUT DAT!?"

Mario: Sooooo... Your plan is Murder-Cucking? Alright. Cool!

The Mayor of Sack People: Though no 1 knows why he's doing this, it is believed to be for the sake of mindless trolling. I worry though. Will I, too, become a curly-tailed hog named "Oinky Doinky?" Thinking about it keeps me up at night. That, and insomnia of course. But you know, night and day are pretty similar here since the sky just stays like this despite the astrological science of orbit. If this keeps up...well...there's gonna be more pigs in this town than in a Dunkin Donuts. But let me give you some advice to spare you. Leave the Twilight Zone! Leave before you too, get...piggified! I really should be taking my own advice right now, but since i'm mayor, I really can't. I don't even know why I'm even the fucking mayor anyway. I lost a super bowl bet in 1997, and since then, i've been stuck in the shittiest town of the region. And can some1 tell the fat partner to stop making a mess with my pretzels? And the stupid Koopa to stop popping bubble wrap? It's annoying!

Goombella sneakingly grabbed a book of Twilight Town's history while the Mayor was going on his spiel. You know, so she can educate herself!

Flurrie and Koops: What?

Mario: Welp, guess what? we're Team M, and Team M member are main characters. Meaning that curse shit aint gonna happen to us. So HA!

Mario taunted the Mayor by throwing his chair he was sitting on at the shelf with all of his expensive shit breaking glass everywhere.

Mario: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Yoshi: YOU GO GONZALES!

Goombella: That was the most unnecessary violent thing you've done so far.

Mario: It's up there.

Goombella: So wait, I have to ask Mayor. We're looking for something important. By any chance, are yoou familiar with these ancient majical artifacts called the 7 Dedly Stars?

The Mayor of Sack People: I have no idea, but I'm guessing if they are majical, than 1 of them is in that Steeple I was just talking about.

Mario: Well yeah. On our map, it shows the star we're looking for in that building you just described sort of. That's all we're really after. I mean, you guys can go pork yourselves for all I care! Get it? HA! Alright we know where to go now! Team M off!

The Treacherous Team got off their Team M asses to head towards the star or some shit like that.

The Mayor of Sack People: Wait! Uh... You people... You aren't thinking about going to Creepy Steeple, are you?! You stupid retards! I'll forbid it! You hear!? FORBID IT!

Mario: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! SO FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU HAAAAAARD!

Mario: OH, AND B. ,

Mario smashed down the Mayor's door.

Mario: Everybody gets 1!

**[Twilight Town]**

Mario: So, what do you guys wanna do now?

Goombella: I don't know. How about we head off to find the star like you implied we would do!

Koops was distracting himself with bubble wrap some more.

Mario: Yeah, but don't you guys wanna explore this place a little? I mean, if you're worried about us turning into pig's, you're worrying about nothing. Let me remind you that we're actually important characters. Therefor we're immune.

The Air Horn blasted yet again.

Yoshi: AH FUCK! MY EARS!

Flurrie: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Flurrie orgasmed again.

Goombella: Flurrie! Why the fuck do you keep cuming to that CRINGING sound!?

Flurrie: CUZ AIR HORN'S TURN ME ON!

Voice: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario: Oh noo... you guys hear that? Let's check it out... woo...

Goombella: What's with the sarcasm?

Mario: Probably. Let's just check out all the commission.

Team M entered the loud house to find Koops' dad aka Kooply fucking a random sack girl that is now a pig since the air horn rang and all. Maybe I should have named the chapture "From whom the Air Horn Tolls." Nah, I like the way it is.

Kooply: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

Koops: AH DAAAAADD! COME ON! BLEEEERG!

Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Mario: Oh hey Koops! It's your dad again. And now he's fucking a pig!

Koops: Errrrr... I know! I fucking see him doing it!

Kooply: Oh! Hey guys! Hey son! We sure have been running into eachother alot lately have we. How's it hanging!?

Koops: Daaaad, what are you doing here!?

Yoshi: And why you porkin' dat pork?

Flurrie: And why wasn't Flurrie invited?

Kooply: Oh. Well the answer is simple... you see, the bitch was a sack girl a minute ago. Next thing I knew, an air horn blew off and suddenly, SHE TURNED INTO A FREAKING PIG!

Mario: And you... are aware you're still inside of her, right?

Kooply: Yes I am.

Kooply was standing with that proud pose he does while his penis was inside of the female pig's fuck hole.

Kooply: Ay Koops. Stop covering your eyes and sit next to where i'm standing.

Koops: But you're naked!

Kooply: Don't think about it son! I'm your dad. This should be normal for you! Have a seat. Let me give you some advice.

Koops: Mrr...

Koops sat next to Kooply.

_Father son bonding music played in the background._

Kooply: Son, sometimes... when you go to a strange haunted like village, you have to prepare for the woman you're performing coitus on... to not get cursed. Otherwise, you're left fucking a pig. And sometimes, fucking a pig, just isn't what you'd have in mind. But when things like that happen, sometimes… you just have to roll with it. Cause for all you know, going with that decision may just be the best damn decision you will ever make in your life.

Koops: Mrr... Gee... Thank's dad... grrrrr... reeerrrrrrr...

Goombella: You're... not really gonna have sex with that animal now, are you?

Kooply: Welp, you know what they say, vadgelly is vadgelly. Sooooooo... I guess you guys can stay if you want, but I should warn you all right now. I am going, to fuck, this pig.

Mario: Yeah... I think we're just gonna... head off now... yeah...

Mario and his team minus Flurrie left.

Flurrie: So, care for a Madame Flurrie Fudgetastic 3 way-

Mario: Flurrie! Come on! We have shit to do!

Flurrie: So do I!

Mario: Shut up and get your ugly fan hated ass over here!

Meanwhile back outside.

Yoshi: Man, how the fuck does that Koops' dad guy travel around so quickly!? He be like everywhere!

Goombella: Yeah. What do you say we head out to the steeple now while we still can?

Mario: What did the mayor say it was called? The... Crappy Steeple? I think that's what it was called.

Koops suddenly reached his hand down Mario's inventory area. Which you might be visualizing alot of different shit in order to picture what i'm talking about.

Mario: What the, Koops! What are you doing!?

Koops randomly grabbed 1 of Mario's Earth LSDs and swallowed the drug. In other words. Koops just took acid. And caused a minor earthquake that did absolutely no damage since there was no [BATTLE MODE].

Mario: KOOPS! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!

Koops: What?

Goombella: What do you mean "What?" You just took acid!

Flurrie: Wait, I don't believe we're in battle mode just yet exactly... Flurrie is ever so confused...

Koops: Yeah, so?

Goombella: Well it's not [BATTLE MODE]. So why the HELL would you do that!?

Koops: I don't know. I just did it. No reason I guess.

Mario: NO 1 TAKES ACID FOR NO REASON YOU STUPID FUCK!

Koops: Well I don't know. I guess I just did it, that's all.

Mario: Well what? Did you think is it was fucking candy like always!?

Koops: No. I knew it was acid.

Goombella: I still don't get why you just dropped acid just now...

Koops: Like I said, I don't know. Get off my back.

Goombella: Is it because of the whole dad incident?

Koops: I have no idea. I just wanted to try acid.

Mario: So you were curious then?

Koops: I don't know.

Goombella: OH MY GOD! Will you please stop being so vague about this!?

Mario: Oh man. This is really bad.

Goombella: What? What is!?

Mario: Well, normally when I do drugs, I'm pretty fucked up. Koops however clearly has never done any hard drugs before so he's gonna be in a whole new level of crazy and fucked up that none of you are ready to handle. Plus, normally LSD takes longer to take affect on people who've never taken it before, but since this is Earth LSD, he's gonna be tripping into some serious ball pits probably as soon as the next sub-chapture starts. Maybe even earlier.

Yoshi: Damn. So he like, gonna be literally cray cray I bet.

Mario: Correct. Not to mention we're gonna be traveling through a spooky forest. So when you think about it, that's the worst scenario I can possibly think of to try acid. Especially if you've never done it before. There won't be any telling if he's hallucinating or not cause of the already trippy forest. It's just a really bad mix. And if i'm saying this, you know I'm not fucking around.

Goombella: Ah jeez... I don't fucking believe this. Koops! What the fuck were you thinking taking acid of all times to do it!?

Koops: Whatever.

Goombella: Ugg... I really can't talk to you when you're acting like this. So wait, what do we do now Mario?

Mario: Do what we have yet to have done all chapture. Stalk up on items.

**[Twilight Sparkles]**

They made their way into a shop known as "Twilight Sparkles". No joke, that's actually the name of this town's store. Luckily, Twilight Town is so unpopular to the point where they aint getting sued for using that name as their item shop. But yeah, unlike Team M's normal shopping sprees, some cursed trouble be brewing up a sad shit storm.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper (Age 29): Oh, a customer... Sniff... I'm sorry... We're not open right now. Sniff...

Mario: Then WHY didn't you lock the damn door!?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: We did... you just busted through it...

Mario: Oh yeah... hehe. I guess I did!

Koops: Wait, I uhh... like uhh... have a question, what's with the uhh... oh yeah. Crying?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Crying? No... I just... have allergies... ACHUUUU!

The troubled shopkeeper sneezed up slimey wads of cotton all over that floor.

Flurrie: Clean up crew!

Flurrie rolled around in the mucus like a canine on trash instead of licking it up like what I thought would happen. Although she did make for a great sponge for the green cotton slime.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: But... yeah... I guess I am... CRYYYYYYYYYYYING! WAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!I!i!

Koops: Gosh Gulikers! Aren't you gonna answer my question about why you're crying?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Oh... right... My husband... last night... was turned into a pig. A fucking... pig...

Flurrie: Why that isn't so bad.

Yoshi: Dats messed up!

Koops: Oh. THat's why there's a pig walking around in the store. I forgot about the curse.

Goombella: Well whatever then. Lets leave this bitch be. In that case... I guess we should get going.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Sniff... It's kind of a long story... You see, my husband… he went to the woods yesterday to collect herbs... By herbs, you know what I really mean "wink wink." 1 day, the air horn rang, and a slimy pig came home instead of my husband. I mean, he is my husband because of his back tattoo that he got of the time when he got that tattoo "1:36." Or was it "8:03"? I forget. So anyways, I was so pissed. Yet, it was kind of funny in a coincidentally ironic way because we got into a fight because we kept going to restaurants and he kept putting coins into the waitresses cleavage holes as tips and making comments saying things like "woman are only good for doing jobs like cooking, cleaning, stripping, fucking, and best used as target practice for the NRA." So I called him a chauvinistic pig. And so you can see why it's remotely funny why my sexist husband turned into a pig. But it sucks cause what am I gonna do? Fuck a pig!? Hell no! But don't get the wrong idea, he does have a sweet side too… I think. On my birthday, he buys watermelon scented air fresheners to stimulate our sack life, y'know what I mean? Y'know what I'm sayin? Heeehee. And when customers are trying to steal or give us coins they've used as butt wipes, he stabs them in the face and makes it look like an accident in such a manly way y'kow what I'm sayin? Plus his family is rich so when he dies, I'll be rich y'know what I'm sayin? I just wish he wouldn't dig into our savings to make Coca Cola mixed with Genuine Draft so much. He likes soda mixed with beer, but I think it's nasty y'know what I'm sayin? And every time he dried his underwear in the ventilation system, it makes the whole place smell like his smelly sack odors and sometimes, I just wanna tie him up, and hit him with a bottle in a forest y'know what I'm sayin? He keeps drinking milk from the carton and getting grimy backwash into it, y'know what I'm sayin? Sometimes he even washes his socks in the milk making them both smell like bad milk mixed with BO y'know what I'm sayin!? And worst of all, he makes us take public transportation almost everyday. I get into a fight with homeless people because I'm trying to steal their change cups for our business y'know what I'm sayin? Actually, no wait, THIS IS the worst part. The Little Big Planet Levels he makes for me... THEY'RE TOO FRIKKIN EASY! Why does he have so many flaws? I mean, I don't have any faults. I'm awesome y'know what I'm sayin? Y'KNOW WHAT I'M FUCKING SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYING! HEY! ARE YOU 5 EVEN LISTENING TO MY STORY!?

Most of Team M woke up almost as if they were listening to a Luigi story. Accept for Yoshi who couldn't fall asleep as he was banging his head on the wall as he was frustratingly waiting for that dumb shit to end. His head was kind of bleeding.

Yoshi: SOME1 ABORT ME DAMNIT!

Mario: Whoa… what's going on?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: WERE YOU NOT LISTENING OR SOMETHING!?

Mario: NO WE WEREN'T YOU CUCKING FUNT! You're the worst fucking sales woman ever!

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: So you didn't listen to my story huh? We'll in that case, you need to leave. Good bye.

Mario: Soo... You're not gonna sell us any items then?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Fuck you! No! Plus, even if I wanted to, they're locked up behind the door we can't find the key to it for some reason. My husband brought it with him to the woods yesterday and since he's a fucking pig, we can't sell shit unless we had the key.

Mario: Whatever. Your place is a piece of shit and you should get hit by a parked car and kill yourself! Come on team! You know the drill! Let's leave this dump!

Mario woke every1 else up.

Goombella: What's… going on now?

Mario: WE'RE GOING!

**[Twilight Town]**

Mario and his ridiculous friends left the useless store and continued to explore the town a little bit more. Like Mario said, you know the drill!

Mario: Man! I should have smashed a hole through there and grabbed all of the items myself.

Goombella: I'll say. Hey guys! I've been reading this book on Twilight Town! Did you know that in the 1400s, this crazy old shopkeeper of a clothes store stitched a bunch of rag dolls out of the clothes he was selling and dipped them in a juice made of toxic waste and jizz which majically brought them to life? And then soon after, they killed all of the humans that live in the town and since then, this town has been full of sack people with the powers to reproduce somehow. I need to look up how that do it. I'm oddly curious.

Flurrie: Curiosity is always good when it comes to the act of mating.

Goombella: No. It's just interesting cuz of of their biology. It's crazy, cuz the more I read these history books, the more I notice how there used to be more humans in the past. Between them all getting killed off by things, and mutating into toads and all. But anyway, Koops, how are you doing? You're not tripping yet, are you?

Koops: Uhh... I don't know. I guess i'm fine. This place makes me feel a little jinkeez, but it's cool beans.

Yoshi: Yeah, but I just gotta throw this out there. If 1 of you turn into a pig right now, I'll go to that demon thing's crib and be all like "AY! BITCH! I HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHA FUCKIN PIGS IN THIS MOTHA FUCKIN TOWN!" AND THEN I'LL SMACK HIM SILLY! SO SILLY HIS ASS GON' BE DROPPED FROM ALL THAT LAUGHING! LIKE HE AIN'T GONNA BREATHE OR NOTHIN! AND THEN YOU GUYS WILL TURN BACK AND SHIT! AND WE BE KICKIN HIS DED PIG LOVIN ASS DEDDER. WE'LL BE ALL LIKE, "YOU LIKE THAT BITCH!? HUH!? LIKE DAT!?" AND THEN, THEN WE'LL SMOKE ALL HIS WEED FOR REAL NIGGA! YEI! AND THEN I'LL BE ALL LIKE "AND YOU KNOW WHAT!? BRING BACK THE FRESH PRINCE OF BELAIR! THAT SHIT WAS DOPE, YO!"

Goombella: Jeez Yoshi, you really like going on those shpeals about kicking the demon's ass huh.

Yoshi: Bitch! What you mean bein all sarcastic and shit!? Pigs just piss me off the fuck off G! As you know, a pig stole me from a nest and tried makin a hot dog out of mah ass! So fuck da Pigs! You got a problem with dat, well you can just suck it Bitch! Straight up G!

Dupree the blue disco dog thing suddenly appeared out of the fucking shadows like some kind of perverted rapist.

Dupree: Ho ho ho... Puissions-nous rencontrer à nouveau mon équipe errotic de sexies.

Goombella: Ugg... Speaking of pigs. We got 1 at 12 O'Clock.

Yoshi: Why is he missing an eye and arm?

Mario: Oh you know. Past experiences.

Yoshi: Gotcha.

Durpee: Plus que les expériences moyenne. Je également tombé dans l'eau après avoir été frappé au large Glitzville. Une mort sexy de la mort. Mais je pardonne si peut-être vous me donnez la fleur de la fille Goomba. Et en fleur, je veux dire la virginité ...

Dupree started doing sexual groping gestures while doing a kissing the air expression.

Goombella: Oh my god! Why is every1 suddenly assuming i'm a virgin today!?

Flurrie: Cause it's true honey. I can smell your Goomba haimen from here...

Goombella: Then stop it! It's none of your business!

Dupree: Mmmm ... Alors peut I.

Goombella: Ehh... Go for Flurrie! She seems into it.

Flurrie: Oh... you know I am.

Yoshi: Man, what kind of jibber jabber are you fuckasses speaking now?

Mario: It's this dumb language every1 is obsessed with called "French." I know, I don't get it either.

Koops: Samezees!

Dupree: Ahhh ... Je pense que je vais passer ... pour vous voyez, je ne suis pas d'humeur à les hippopotames flottants aujourd'hui. Maintenant, si le charmant petit chou va rouler avec moi comme un cochon dans une couverture et faire des choses du sexe à mon trou de bras de fourreau. Ce sera la plus houle.

The Air horn suddenly rang transforming Dupree into a French crippled pig with 3 legs.

Flurrie: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHo-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-ye-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-hessssssssssssssssssssss...

Flurrie squirted nasty vaginal fluids shooting directly in Koops' face.

Koops:... ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHJ! GET IT OFF! GET IT OOOOOHAHAHAAFFFFFFFFFFF!

Koops started running and rolling around trying to get the nearly toxic gummy hole juice off his dumb face.

Yoshi: Yo look! his french speakin ass just turned into a pig!

Goombella: HA! SERVES HIM RIGHT!

Mario: Yeah. Oh, I almost forgot.

Mario walked up to pig Dupree, and dug his manly fingers deep into his back, and ripped a giant chunk of his pig flesh off his back. Any of you seen that episode of Aqua Teen with the talking trees? If so, you know which scene to imagine. That's how painful it was.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! DAT RAW AS HELL! LITERALLY!

Goombella: AWW SICK! WHY DID YOU NEED TO DO THAT!?

Mario: We have food now. *takes bite out of the raw back ham* Now let's find a house to cook it in.

Koops: Maybe they'll have a bathroom to wipe this goop off my face too.

Goombella: So we're disregarding the ethics of breaking into random houses again? Alright...

The crazy ass irresponsible Team M entered a random house hoping to find a stove to cook some french back bacon. Instead, there was a mother with 3 annoying sack children you'd just wanna leave in the washing machine until they die.

Sack Kid 1 (Age 9): MOMMY! I'M HUNGEY! CAN I SUCK ON YOUR TITS!?

Sack Kid 2 (Age 6): MAAAAAAAAAAAAM! CAN YOU SMELL MY PEE PEE!?

Sack Kid 3 (Age 5): MADRE! WHEN DOES LITTLE BIG PLANET 5 COME OUT!?

Sack Mom (Age 50): I told you Sack Kid 3! Little Big Planet 4 has to come out 1st before 5 does!

Mario: EXCUSE ME! We're here to cook some bacon *takes another raw bite out of it* Would you mind... . you know... helping us out some?

Koops: Did you just eat a raw bite out of that ham again?

Sack Mom: Sorry sir. We haven't been able to pay our electric bills since my husband turned into a pig.

Yoshi: Damn! You too!? That bitch must be goin after the dudes 1st! If dat creep goes after me, I'll be all-

Sack Mom: Say, speaking of food, by any chance, do you not-so-kind travelers have some spare food you would be ever so kind to offer my family and I?

Goombella: ...mmmmmm...uhh….. Gosh... I would, but-

Mario: No.

Goombella: That's why.

Sack Mom: Please... I'm sorry to beg like a filthy hobo, but we're starving, and we can really use some food. My tits are all dried out and we don't even have piss or furniture. So please. If you can find it in your heart, I can give you some shooting star dust.

Mario: SHOOTING STAR DUST!?

Sack Mom: ...Yeah, I used to be in a rock band with this guy I used to date. I think he's a bartender in Ghettoport now. But before I go off into that, I have some Star Dust that I've been saving for 20 long years.

Mario: Sounds like a plan! Here! *takes a 3rd bite* Take the rest of my wad of raw ham!

Sack Mom: Oh really!? Thank you! Thank you so much sir!

Flurrie: Has any1 ever told you that you have very sexually appealing childre-

Mario: Flurrie! Stop being a pedofork! We're discussing business right here!

Mario: But here! Take-ith my meat! And I mean literal meat this time!

Mario chucked the wad of juicy pig flesh at the Mom's face.

Sack Mom: Thank you so much! Now we don't have to resort to eating Sack Kid 2! You think I'm kidding doncha?

Flurrie: I'll eat him in any way you want me to!

Goombella: FLURRIE!

Mario: Now about that star dust...

Sack Mom: Yes. Of course. Here you are.

The fat old ass sack mom handed Mario the Shooting Star Dust where he got so excited, he held it up above his arms like Link. _DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_ Yes, i'm recycling that joke like I have with many others. Deal with it!

Koops: Soo... none of you mind that it's raw?

Sack Mom: Nonsense, I get to teach my kids what it's like to be on tour. So it will be fun!

Mario: Cool! Alright, this definitely made the trip worth it so far. So I think I'm the mood to head off to the wilderness! This town's boring the fuck out of me with all of it's weariness.

Goombella: Finally!

The Bell... I mean, air horn rang again turning the sack mom into a pig.

Sack Kid 1: MOMMY!

Sack Kid 2: YOU'RE A PIG!

Sack Kid 3: I HAVE TO KILL MYSELF BEFORE KIDS MAKE FUN OF ME FOR HAVING A PIG MOM!

Flurrie: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MMYYYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS! SUCH AMAZING ORGASMSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Mario: We should go...

Team Mother-Fuckers left the house and almost left the town, but encountered an annoying gatekeeper that kept them from leaving shit. Man, this chapture is reminding me more and more of Chapture 2 minute by minute. Accept unlike that chapture, they're using an ACTUAL gate that's not a shitty branch.

Mario: Sup Gate Guard!? Any chance that you're not going to be a fucking faggot by letting us enter zi woods?

Gate Faggot Guard (Age 26): Well judging by my name, NO!

Mario: Oh GOD DAMNIT! You gotta be shitting me! What do I have to do? Un-sew you?

Koops: I'm starting to feel a little off the wall guys… I keep feeling like the ground is about to crack everytime I take a step.

Gate Faggot Guard: Welp, like it or not, a nasty monster lives in those woods. Like, I'm serious and stuff. That's what The Mayor said at least. And if you're really crazy stupid enough to go into the haunted forest even after hearing that, then you need permission from the mayor himself!

Mario: Oh that ass hat!? That's complete and utter bullshit! Chiche ass bullshit at that! I should kill you instead and make it look like a suicide for being such an annoying bitch!

Yoshi: Yei man! we gotta ice some demon pig turnin niggas up in here!

Flurrie was busy fingering her ears to see if they can orgasm.

Gate Faggot Guard: Just ask the Mayor for permission and leave, you stupid Wop!

Mario: You're a stupid faggot spik kike of a guard! You know that!?

Goombella: Dammit Mario, is that nesses-

Mario: "_Nya nya nyananaaah?_" YES IT IS!

Mario and pals walked to the Mayor's pad.

Goombella: Hey! In this book, did you know that the sack people are so depressed naturally, that they sweat out an odor that pollutes the air into making it look like it's sunset or night time at all times? I swear, this is NO continuity to this anatomy.

Mario: Alright, we know the other drill, if the Mayor says no, Flurrie will rape him till he says yes.

Flurrie: Mmmmm... Such a marvelous pimp you are Mario.

Yoshi: Maaaan can't we just have her rape the gate guard!? Or better yet, we can simply just beat his ass!? Cuz I think that shit sounds quick as fuck.

Flurrie: Stop giving him ideas! I have a rape fetish you know!

Goombella: You have, EVERY FETISH!

Mario busted down the mayor's door as his usual tactic of disregarding door construction.

The Mayor of Sack People: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY DOOR!

The Air horn rang yet again!

Flurrie: MMMMMMMMMM! OH YES! OH YESSS! I HAVEN'T CAME THIS MUCH SINCE THE REAGANOMICS!

The Mayor indeed turned into a swine this time.

Mario: ... Alright! Yoshi had the right idea! PLAN B, Flurrie raping the Gate Faggot Guard!

Flurrie: SCORE!

The team walked back to the Gate Faggot Guard as if that gate faggot shit didn't gate faggot matter!

Mario: Alright Flurrie, I'd tell you to get your rape face on, but you clearly have a rape face as your default facial expression anyway, so you're way ahead of me.

Flurrie: Always do captain!

Mario: Hey, Gate Faggot Guard! You're about to get rape-

THe air horn range 1ce more turning the gate faggot guard into a gate faggier pig.

Flurrie: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!11i!i!11!11!1!1!1! THE HORN MAKES ME HORNAY!

Gate Faggot Pig: Oink...

Mario: HAZA! THE GATE FAGGOT RETARD TURNED INTO A GATE FAGGOT PIG! YOU WHAT THAT MEANS!? OFF TO THE NEXT SUB CHAPTURE WE GO!

Flurrie: Aww... can I still fuck the pig?

Mario: ... Fine... I guess you've earned it.

Flurrie: Yippy! THanks Mario!

Koops: Whoa... my hand's are... touching... uuuggghhhh... whoa... they can feel touch... the colors... I feel like sonic... colors.

Goombella: Oh great... Koops is already tripping on acid, and Flurrie's getting jiggy with a piggy. This sucks...

Yoshi: You can suck it!

**Chapture 5 - 8: Electric Kool Aid Twilight Test**

**[Twilight Trail]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 9:14 PM, night time and 64 Degrees F]_

After Flurrie raped a pig, the stupid team finally made it into the treacherous woods off to see more fucked up shit then you're sick minds would ever wanna hear about.

Koops: KUKAAAAH! KUKAAAAH!

Yoshi: Dayamn... Dis shit bee spooky as hell out in here in shit.

Mario: Ehh... Kind of. But I'd say it's a bit more on the cheesy side. Almost like watching an episode of Scooby Doo.

Goombella: Uggg... Please don't bring up that name right now. On my news feed, I keep hearing about their 12th reboot called "Be Cool Scooby Doo" It already looks painfully awful. Like, look! Here's some screenshots of it.

Goombella pulled up a grotesque screenshot of Be Cool Scooby Doo for Mario.

Mario: OH WHAT TH- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGGGGG! WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT!? It's like they're trying to go for a Family Guy art style! But worse! Sick!

Goombella: I know right!? Look at how their lags are shaped too!

Mario: That Scooby Doo shit was only good in the 70s! Seriously! That series needs to die in the way where they need to finish off Scooby by having him fucking euthanised!

Goombella: I'll say...

Yoshi: Yo man! What's Koops doing G?

Koops was doing a weird breathing thing while was moving his hands like master hand and crazy hand.

Koops: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Mario: THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, RETARD!?

Koops: Co- uhh... cooo... connect with... spirit...

Mario: Damn... I remember when I was that high...

Goombella: Are you sure he'll be alright?

Mario: Yeah. It's just gonna be hard dealing with his ass while on this mission cause we're, you know, IN A HAUNTED FOREST! So like I said, it's gonna be hard figuring out whether he's actually seeing shit or not.

Koops kept spinning around thinking he majically turned into a helicopter Yoshi's Island style.

Mario: ... HEY LOOK! A shed! Maybe I can find more drugs or better yet, a chainsaw to viciously murder Koops with!

Flurrie: AND IT WILL GO ON FLURRIE'S PORN SITE!

Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Koops puked from all that spinning around.

Mario ran into the shed where he found a black key. And no. Not a black key from a keyboard, I mean a black key that opens black locks.

Mario: I found a key!

Goombella: Yeah... We heard in the narration. Wait, hold on. Isn't that a key used to open up the chests for the black spirits?

Mario: Oh yeah... Welp, who knows. Maybe I'll get some kind of dumb ass curse. As if anything that happens to my body fucking matters to me anymore anyway.

Koops: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Mario: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SCREAMING!?

Koops: I had to do it to prevent the War of Pop Tarts of 2018! Also, look ahead!

Koops pointed to a gang of 3 hyper goombas that popped out behind the porn shed. Like way back in Chapture 1 - 8, this gang consisted of 1 goomba, 1 spiny goomba, and 1 para goomba. Unlike those Goomba's they're not raping or rhyming. Just stupid.

Hyper Goombeavis (Age 41): HEY Guy's! He he! Look at these fart knockers!

Hyper Goombutthead (Age 41): Hhhhehehheheheee... Yeah. What do you say we 'do' them? And by do them? I mean uhh... beat the crap out of them!

Hyper Goomstewart (Age 38): Wait? Beat them up? Oh come on guys? I thought we we're just going to ask them for some change to buy tickets for the movie The Night Before...

Hyper Goombutthead: Uhhh... No?

Hyper Goombeavis: Yeah! What are you, a wuss? Hehehehe! Let's just beat the crap out them! Come on! I WANNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE! I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I I WANNA I WANNA!

Mario: Oh my god. Retarded stoners in the haunted forest!

Koops: ARE THOSE CANCER!?

Goombella: Those are Green Goombas...Holy fuck. I didn't think different races of Goombas actually exist. Now I feel bad for not knowing about them...

Hyper Goombeavis: Yeah! Hehehehehe We're Green alright! Green cause we like to drink alot of Monster Energy Drink!

Hyper Goombutthead: Yeah! Hey... What do you say after we knock them out, we like, score with the girl?

Hyper Goombeavis: Oh... You mean the Goomba with the flat chest?

Hyper Goombutthead: Uhhhh... Yeah? The only girl on the team numbnuts. What are you, gay or something?

Flurrie: Mmmmm... I like appearing to be a passable man...

Hyper Goombeavis: OH... I get it... Rah! Let's score! LET'S SCORE! REEEERR!

Hyper Goombutthead: Hhhhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuhuh

Hyper Goombeavis: HEH! HEH…. HEH! HEH!... HEH!

Hyper Goomstewart: *Sigh* Why do you guys drag me into these things...

Koops: Ugg... You guys fight them... I'm just gonna... lay down and... think about... think about... whoa...

Koops started laying down on his back and rolled around as he started hallucinating about demonic penguins made out of cheese killing him with staplers.

Yoshi: You Koopa niggas be crazy, man!

Koops: Life... is a...1 big…. hallucination... HOLY SHIT! GET OFF ME PENGUINS! GET OOOOOOFFFFFFF!

Goombella: So... are those weirdos still aware that we're gonna fight them?

Mario: Uhh...

Hyper Goombeavis: HEH! HEH HEH! HEH! We're goombas. HE! HE HE!

Hyper Goombutthead: Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhhh huhuhuhu Yeah... We are... hhhuhuhuhuhuhuhhhhhhhuhuhuhuhhhh...

Hyper Goomstewart: *sigh*

Mario: Let's just kill them for the XP and coins. Assuming they have any.

**[BATTLE MODE (about time)]**

*Mario: Power Level 90

*Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Hyper Goombeavis: Power Level 16

Hyper Goombutthead: Power Level 20

Hyper Goomstewart: Power Level 16

_Battle Music: The MTV Theme (On repeat)_

[TURN 1]

Koops: AHH! YOU GUY'S HEAR THE MTV THEME!? EFOUHSDFKSJLGHSLKDFHNSDFKJSB

Mario: Uhh... Yeah... It's the Battle music going on right now.

Koops: GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF OF MEEEEEE!

Mario: ... Alright. You're pretty much useless. Goombella! Tattle Time!

Goombella uses tattle on Goombeavis: This is Goombeavis... Huh... Next thing I know, the next Goomba I tattle is named Goombutthead. Like from the show. Welp, back to the tattle, he's clearly no ordinary goomba. He's part of different race of Goombas known as... Hyper. But I guess to you, they'd be considered Hyper Goombas. To be honest, I've actually heard of other races of goomba, but never truly knew that there was another race of us up until now. I bet if 1 of them got into U Goom, they'd get a scholarship up the ass! Am I right!? Hehe. But yeah, here's some key details. Don't underestimate the power levels, Like Cleftor and the Punx of Rock, they also charge up their attacks to a significant amount of power. So again, keep that in mind. Oh and that they have a power level of 16. Okay, now I'm done.

Mario: Are you trying to put me to sleep!? That's it, Flurrie's in!

Goombella: But- *sigh* fine. I'm still doing the tattles though!

Flurrie: Hooooray for Flurrie!

Flurrie uses her treacherous tits on Goombeavis to do a motorboat murder move and smashed his face with her not-so-fun bags: [5 Damage]

Goombeavis: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF 'SCORING' I HAD IN MIND!

Mario toked on some Lightning Blotto getting minorly high in contrast to Koops' blaring out. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand also zapped Goombutthead in the face: [5 Damage]

Goombutthead: Whoa… that burnt...hhhuhuhuhuh... Hey look! Huhuhuhuhhh... I'm Benjamin Franklin!

Goombeavis: Wait, you mean the actor?

Goombutthead: No! The president R-Tard!

Goombeavis: Uuuuhhh... Oh yeah. I forgot. HEH HEH! HEH! HEHEHEH!

Goomstewert: Wait, but he wasn't even the pres-

Goombutthead: Hey uhh... Beavis? Don't we gotta uhh... attack or something?

Goombeavis: Oh yeah! HEH HEH! Actually, I think I'll power up instead. That way, I can totally score now!

Goombeavis did a Hyper Goomba power up increasing his attack up to 8 and power level up to 15/40.

Goombeavis: I AM GOOMHOLIO!

Goomstewart: Uhh... I don't think that joke is as funny in this context...

Goombutthead: Hey, Goomstewart, … Shut up!

Goombutthead: Also powered up in the exact same way. Due to him being a spiky goombella, his attack is now 9 with a power level of 17/44

Goomstewart: Powered up as well. Only he ended up getting the entire power level up to 40.

Goomstewart: Good thing 80% of our blood stream is made out of Monster Energy Drink! Otherwise we wouldn't be able to power up.

Goombella: Fuck! I forgot to mention that in the tattle!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses tattle on Goombutthead: This is Goombutthead! Holy shit! No way! It is a Beavis and Butthead gimmick! Well, actually to be honest, I kind of knew it already. It's just funny when you see the facts right in front of you. Ehh... I like Daria better... But yeah. He's a spiky Goomba with an attack of 3 instead of 2. Or in this case, 9.

Mario: Coolio. Let's just execute them with violent tactics already.

Flurrie: Just the kind of style for Flurrie...

Flurrie crushed Beavis... Goombeavis by sitting on him with her big cloudy ass making him cross eyed with a big brown skid mark from Flurrie's ass between his eyes. But it did kill him: [5 Damage]

Goombutthead: Hhhhhuhuhuhuuhhh... Your ded... Cool...

Mario preformed a regular hammer smash on Goombutthead's face flattening him morbidly: [4 Damage]

Goomstewart: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW WHO AM I GONNA GO TO THE MOVIES WITH NOW!? THAT'S IT! I'M KILLING ALL OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS RIGHT FUCKING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!1

Goomstewart charged his body at Flurrie and Drilled through her stomach like from any fighting anime with hyper power: [8 Damage]

Flurrie: You're only giving me *pukes blood* more holes to play with!

[TURN 3]

Goombella did 1 more tattle of the battle.

Goombella: This is Goomstewart. Oh yeah. I remember that guy from a few episodes... Now that the power ups wore off for the Hyper Paragoomba. He's back to having a power level of 16. I still think it's weird that they're called "hyper" I mean, they don't seem hyper. Not even when they power up. It's almost seems like it's a racist stereotype that's not even true...

Mario: Yeah! A funny stereotype!

Mario double jumps on him in the usual Paper Mario styled fashion which demoted him into a regular Hyper Goomba: [4 Damage]

Flurrie: Time for Flurrie to test out her new magnificent attack!

Flurrie hovered to the pusssfaced Hyper Goomba and Lip Locked him! It's exactly how it sounds! She smooched him so hard, that she ended up killing Goomstewart by sucking the life out of him through his mouth taking [5 Damage] From him replenishing the 5 to herself.

**[END OF BATTLE (about time)]**

Mario: Well that was fun. Alright guy's! Get ready for a full on retard holocaust in the woods.

Yoshi: Man this is bullshit... babies ain't supposed to be baby sitting grown ass 18 year olds. What kind of team is this!?

Mario: No 1 asked you to do it.

Goombella: So uhh... wait, how's Koops' trip been?

Koops: I feel like I'm in some kind of dream land, maaaaaaann...

**[DRUG TRIP MODE]**

_Drug Music: Green Greens from Any Kirby Game_

Koops was transported to Pop Star where he ran into a round pink ball thing named Kirby if it already wasn't fucking obvious already.

Kirby: Come on Koops! Are we ready to go adventuring!?

Koops: GOSH GOLLY GEE WILIKERZ ZIPPIDY DOO DAH! IT'S KIRBY!

Kirby: We have to collect the 12 color orbs of the Jizmak system!

Koops: Whoa 12 of them!? Like, no way!

Kirby: What do you say we take my warp star!

Koops: NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!

Kirby called his Flying Nimbus... I mean, Warp Star with his gay looking star cell phone.

Kirby: HEY WARP STAR! GET YOUR FUCK ASS OVER HERE, YOU 5 POINTED SHINING ASS MONKEY CUNT COCKING CHEESE HOLE! I'M GONNA RAPE YOUR SISTER WITH A SALTED STABBING KNIFE IF YOU DON'T COME OVER HERE IN 3 GODDAMN SECONDS!

Koops: Wickeeeed!

After 2.75 seconds, the warp star arrived.

Kirby: Let's go!

Koops: Trippy...

They both started flying through rainbowey happy looking trippy space passing by planets that look like donuts, and smiley faces in light speed.

Koops: Trippy... TRIPPYYYYY!

Kirby: Hey! We have to make a quick pit stop to the star station. My star is running out of unicorn blood and needs a refill!

Koops: Harry Potter!

They quickly made it to a random moon with nothing on it.

Koops: Hey, so where's the gas station?

Kirby: I have to be completely honest. The real reason why we stopped here, is so no 1 can hear you scream so I can become Koops Kirby!

Kirby started sucking up Koops where he grabbed onto the moon dirt for deer life.

Koops: N-N-N-N-NO! NOOOOOOOO! STOP EATING MY KIRBAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!1

**[REAL LIFE MODE]**

Mario was walking with Team M dragging Koops by the hoodie dragging him on his back.

Mario: Just ignore him guys. I think's he's in Dream Land. I know, this happened to me 1ce. This is a very normal process.

Yoshi: Yo Look! Up ahead! Look at dat big ass tree up there!

Team M was obstructed by a big ass tree that fell over blocking their path.

Mario: It's not "Blocking our path." We can either climb over it, we can have Flurrie carry us over it, create a human totem pole and jump over it, lift it up, smash it, or better yet, we can even WALK AROUND IT!

Yoshi: Oh yeah... Good idea nigga.

Team M just simply walked around the fallen tree despite in the game not being able to let playable characters do this.

Goombella: Hey look! A red key! What do you think it leads to?

Mario: ... Let's go get items!

Goombella: Huh? You mean that's the key to the item safe? Aren't we banned from- Who am I kidding. When the hell have we regarded that law anyway?

Flurrie was busy shitting out a slow long lumpy shit like a dog on the ground ignoring the possibility of shitting in the bushes.

Goombella: Aww come on Flurrie! Sick...

Flurrie: No need to wipe me. For I have pride!

Yoshi: Man, I can't believe we'all goin back to dat Twilight Town. I'm serious niggas, if that creature even thinks about turnin mah homeboys into some god damn pigs, I'll be all "AY BITCH! FUCK YO COUCH NIGGA!" So then i'll get 1 of yall to glue to dick to his couch cuz I aint touchin that shit! Then we'll take the couch with him on it, and throw it into a lake with some of em' piranhas! That'll show dat fuck ass bitch that we aint playin bout dat pig cursin shit bein NOT OKAY!

Mario: Alright, Flurrie, grab Koops and let's go back to Twilight Town!

Flurrie picked up Koops and caressed him like a baby.

Koops: GET ME OUT OF YOUR WEIRD STOMACH KIRBY!

**[Twilight Sparkles]**

Back into Twilight Sparkles they go! The shop I mean. Not to get confused with clopping.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Hey! Get out of here! You're supposed to be banned from here! Y'know what i'm sayin!?

Mario: Don't make me skin you and use you as a new shirt. And I'm an expert at skinning creatures.

Goombella: I hope you're not referring to the Tanooki suit.

Mario: _DING DING!_

Mario progressed towards the lock and opened it with the red key.

Mario: OOOOOH SHIT MOTHER FUCKER! JACKPOT!

The door opened unveiling a bag of Life Shrooms, a Happy Potter Invisibility cloak, and Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vadgelly Juice that replenishes 50 FP. That's usually more FP than people are willing to upgrade. Also a couple of chest's that I'll get to in a bit.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

Mario: Flurrie, *snaps fingers*

Flurrie: GOt it!

Flurrie dropped Koops on his tripped out head and immediately tackled/ raped the helpless sack girl for not fucking off when she should have.

Goombella: OH MY GOD, WHY IS THAT NECESSARY!?

Mario: Any better idea's? Now come on! Let's lute!

Yoshi: Yei! Let's rob their asses!

Yoshi walked up to the ROTF Koopa and stole his phone from his pocket.

Yoshi: Swipe!

The team snagged the 3 mentioned items and also opened a chest containing a blue triangle with a blue rhombus known as a **Defense Plus P**. This is 1 of the best badges yet. It boosts Mario's defense by 1 which will do wonders for his power level.

Mario: YES! THIS IS AN AWESOME BADGE! Finally! A badge that will boost my badassery!

Yoshi: Yo! What about dis creepin lookin black chest here? It looks like it got something spooky in it.

Chest Voice (Age 1024): Do I hrrr a god dayamn negro outside!? Get out of here yuh jungle shadow!

Goombella: WHOA WHOA WHOA! Cool down!

Mario: Goombella, shut up and start responding with "GOD DAMNIT! IT'S ANOTHER BLACK SPIRIT" Instead. Allow me to demonstrate.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! IT'S ANOTHER BLACK SPIRIT TRYING TO TRICK US!

Chest Voice: Trick yuh? Pfft... What are yuh? Some kind of giblet head!? I ain't no darkie! I'm a stern southern man! Also, I fuckin dun hrrr hate them nigger. Cuz there aint no room for nigger! You hear me!? I call em' nigger non plurally cause they is cattle! Like sheep, or deer, or fish. So to me, the plural pronunciation should infact be "nigger." KNow what I mean?

Yoshi: THE FUCK YOU SAY!?

Chest Voice: But I'll be a monkey's uncle and ask y'all why you have a banana breathin nigglet in yo team!?

Yoshi: Can some1 shut this racist ass u-

Mario: Hold on! I know you're pulling a- ... Actually, nevermind. I'm assuming you want me to give you freedom and unlock you from your chest so you can curse me and fly away.

Chest Voice: Why you got that right partnah! Accept I ain't out here to be harmin no fellow aryan brother of the best race in the rootin tootin world! I may even just give yuh a nice power that will help yuh get to places faster. I just wanna fly away, and live in the white house. I hear they have this monkey in the white house and I just can't wait to do the world a favor and put my loaded shotgun in his baboon mouth.

Mario: Alright…. So yeah, we have this black key and that should free you or some shit like that.

Chest Voice: Yuh drr have a key!? We'll bring that key in my chest and free me from my evil black chamber hole partnah!

Goombella: Mario, are you sure you really wanna risk getting cursed again?

Mario: I'm not worried. After all. Worst case scenario, I get a stupid curse that actually turns out to be seemingly useful for our mission.

Goombella: If you say so….

Yoshi: Maaaan, I can't wait to see this shit so I can kick some Johnny Rebel soundin' racist ass!

Mario used the spooky black key and opened the chest awaiting for a-

Black Spirit III: SURPRISE NIGGA!

Mario: Here we go!

Yoshi: AWW YEI!

The background suddenly turned into an empty background isolating Mario into a void with the 3rd Black Spirit.

_Background music: Bubble Butt by Major Lazer_

Black Spirit III: HAAAAAAAAAAAA! Danx for dat key and all, but I got yo ass nigga! I got yo ass! I ain't no raciest redneck ass John Wayne motha fucka! I'm A black assed no assed brothah cause I'm a fuckin Black ass spirit, nigga! MAN, IF I HAD A DANGLANG, I'D SMACK YOU IN DA MOTHA FUCKIN FACE WITH IT! SHIIIIIIIIET! SO Nigga! Nigga! About all dat shit I was saying about yo ass ain't gettin no cursed! I LIIIIIIIIIIIED TO YOU BOY! OH! OH! MAN! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT! YO ASS GOT JIVED IN ALL KINDS OF DIRECTIONS SHOTY! YOU GETTING THE CURSE OF CURSES DAT GOIN ALL BLIPPITY BLAP ON YO SALMONELLA WHITE ASS SHOTY!

Mario: *Sigh* Can't you just give me super cancer instead?

Black Spirit III: It gon be worse than dat G! You have no idea! What? You got bitch ass ploblems with that suckah!? WELL BITCH ASS PROBLEM IS WHAT YOU BE GETTIN FOOL! So get this, get this... Your curse... willl be...uhh…. hod on… I'm thinkin of someth- OH! OH! GOT IT! Every time yo ass get hard from thinkin about dat Emma Watson bitch, you gon' be turning into yo own white ass dick! Not sure what I mean Nigga!? Well let me re-explain! When you get hard from Watson sex thoughts, everything accept yo dick disappears and you just be a rollin talkin white ass dick! And there aint no way for you to undo dat curse! Unless you think of Grandma's crusty taint or some shit! But no 1 dat gay would eva think of somethin like dat!

Mario: Aww man... You totally ruined my life by giving me that curse…. Oh woes me... Now I will never make an unfunny april fools day joke ever again...

Black Spirit III: Nigga, you better demonstrate dat shit as fast as you can before I blast some ice up all in yo ass harder than Englewood!

Mario: Fine by me.

Mario thought of Emma Watson cuntchugging Harry Potter Jelly Bellies upside down. As he got hard, he turned into his own erect penis and started rolling around. Also, he started talking from his urethra.

Mario's Penis: Holy crap shit! I am now Penis Mario!

Black Spirit III: And now you gotta live wit dat shit fo eva man! HA! SCHOOLED YOU TURKEY! HOWZ IT FEEL BITCH!? YOU LIKE GETTIN SCHOOLED LIKE DAT BITCH!? YOU MUST LIKE MAH CURSE YOU GAY ASS BITCH!? WELL GUESS WHAT!? I DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE, BITCH! NOW GET THE FUCK UP OTTA MAH VOID NIGGA BEFORE I LONG DICK MAH DICK IN YOUR MOUTH AND CALL YOU RIANNA! Anyway, I'mma go possessin a painter and paint the White House black! I'M RICH BIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH!1 HONK HONK!

Mario transformed back into his normal full body form back into reality.

Yoshi: HOLY SHIT! DID YO ASS GET CURSED BY DAT BLACK SPIRIT MOTHA FUCKA!?

Mario kicked Yoshi in the face.

Yoshi: OWW! WHATCHU DO DAT FOR!?

Mario: Do not talk like how you do right now. It reminds me of how annoying the black spirits really are.

Goombella: So what's the curse this time?

Mario: Uhhh... How do I explain... I bbbasically... turn into my own dick. If that makes any sense.

Yoshi: WHat? But yo dick be part of you already! Dat shit don't make no goddamn sense!

Goombella: Wait, You mean like... you turn into your dick, and talk out your urethra!?

Mario: Yeah.

Goombella: And you just... roll around or something?

Mario: Mmmmhmmm...

Goombella: And you can see and breath... while... being your own penis...?

Mario: Jeez. You're getting really into this game of 20 questions are you?

Goombella: NO REASON! I mean... nothing...

Mario: Whatever, now that that's done and we got some pretty cool shit, Let's get going. HEY FLURRIE! Are you done raping that sack girl yet?

Flurrie: Yeah. I came too early cause of that air horn while you were gone and she turned into a pig and I just kind of prematured inside of her. I guess I can just keep orgasming since I am a female...

Mario: Hmm… The bell must've rang while I was getting cursed. Lets just go back to the trail. Grab Koops and Let's go!

Flurrie grabbed Koops while he was humming the star power theme. _Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh…_

**[DRUG TRIP MODE]**

Koops suddenly heard every1's voices get deeper and slower.

Koops: Hey! What's happening to all your voices!?

Suddenly, everything shattered like glass where he started falling into a twilight zone spiral.

Koops: AAAAHHH! NOO! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I CAN'T STOP MOVING MY ARMS! AND WHY IS EVERYTHING ALL BLACK AND WHITE!?

Koops: ARE THOSE SNAKES COMING FOR ME!? OH NO! NOOO! GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKING BODY NOOO!

He then Koops got eaten up by a series of snakes while some of them laid eggs inside of him. He fell into a black aminus void more ominous than Black Spirit voids.

Koops: Oh good. I'm alive. Phew…. Close 1.

Suddenly, an egg beater started drilling through his stomach to beat the snake eggs inside of him.

Koops: AAAAAH! THE PAAAAIN! IT CONTINUES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

It was quite gorey and traumatizing as the remainder of his body was getting mixed and grinded up like he was made out of goop. Suddenly, he woke up in an apocalyptic wasteland where he was being surrounded by all of the 1st generation pokemon. They kept asking him if he wants a plate while he was getting cornered.

Koops: WHY DO I KEEP COMING BACK TO LIFE!? OH MAN! MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE ALL THAT ACID! I THINK I FUCKED MY BRAIN UP FOREVER!

As he was freaking out, he panicked and decided to dig a hole. As he was digging the hole, 1 of those giant masks from Super Mario Bros 2 suddenly ate him making him fall back into the twilight zone spiral. This whole cycling kept repeating on an infinite loop for a while.

**[REALITY MODE]**

**[Twilight Trail]**

After an hour of obstacles involving FLurrie's gas and walking through the forest, it started to get alot darker. Koops suddenly woke up while still heavily affected by the acid.

Koops: GUYS! SYUG!

Mario: What the fuck are you doing now?

Koops: I can feel it.. I can feel EVERYTHIIIIIIIING! I think.. I can control the omniverse guys!

Yoshi: What dat?

Goombella: You mean from Ben 10!?

Koops: I CAN CONTROL THE FUCK- THE FUCKING OMNIVERSE!

Mario: KOOPS! STOP! FUCKING! TRIPPING!

Koops; WoOoOoOoOo... OooOoOOOooooOoWoOoOOoOoOOOOOoO

Mario: WILL YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A TURTLE SHELL BACKPACK THAT ONLY HIPSTERS WILL BUY! YOU'RE MAKING THIS ADVENTURE WAY HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE!

Koops: MRR! MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! MRRMRRRRRRR! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRERRRRRRRRRRRRREMMMRMRRRRR!

Yoshi: Is he trying to be Frankenstein or some shit?

Goombella: He's getting really disturbing under that drug...

Flurrie: I think his tripping is rather lovely guys...

Koops started running around in circles flailing his arms around like a deranged mental patient who thinks it's still the 60s.

Koops: OOOOOOOOOLOOLOLOLOLLOOL WOWOOOOWOWWOWOWOWOODOAWHFAEFHKFBSSBFKBKCBCKLFSKDVJSDVHBSDVJKSBDSKBEFJSHBDFJK!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1

WIUEFHSDFSBOGHSBWHEN ALL The sudden, another forest turf gang of 2 Crazy Dayzees (Yes. That's how you spell it.) And 2 Hyper Clefts (That have spiky hair MADE out of spikes)

Crazy Dayzee 1 (Age 7): Hey guys! Look! Wondering villagers! Tee Hee

Crazy Dayzee 2 (Age 5): OMG! I WUV twavelars! What should we do with them?

Hyper Cleft 1 (Age 37): I'd say we kill them and use their bodies the way the indians do!

Hyper Cleft 2 (Age 38): Yeah! That purple 1 must be full of meat! Yum!

Crazy Dayzees: Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee...

Koops: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! DEMON FLOWERS! THEY CAN SEE INTO OUR SOULSS!

Mario: Great... Now Koops is half hallucinating. Can I help you, lost retards?

Crazy Dayzee 1: Yes mister!

Crazy Dayzee 2: We would like to drink your blood as nourishment!

Hyper Cleft 1: Yeah! And same with the rest of your pals!

Hyper Cleft 2: So we can partake in a religious blood orgy!

Crazy Dayzee 1: Cause we're satanists!

Flurrie: Awwww sooo cute... Well i'd be happy to provide flesh if you have a knife!

Goombella: FLURRIE!

Goombella: Look! Strange creatures, 3 words. Please. Fuck. Off. Do this, and you won't have to die an embarrassing deth!

Crazy Dayzee 1: These gais are funny! Heehee

Hyper Cleft 1: So funny, I think we should keep their heads as trophies inside our satanic pedophile cabin!

Hyper Cleft 2: I don't know about you guys, but I think we should taxidermize the black Yoshi into a sex toy for us on Saturdays!

Crazy Dayzee 2: YAAAY! I LOVE SEX TOYS!

Flurrie: OOOH WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!

Yoshi: AWW SICK, NIGGA! We gotta do something about these bitch asses.

Mario: Yes... Yes we d-

Koops: WE HAVE TO KILL THOSE BALLERINAS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Mario: They're not ballerin- ...Screw it.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

* Mario: Power Level 90

* Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 77/88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 7/10

V.S.

Crazy Dayzee 1: Power Level 11

Crazy Dayzee 2: Power Level 11

Hyper Cleft 1: Power Level 25

Hyper Cleft 2: Power Level 25

_Battle Music: Roots Bloody Roots by Sepultura_

[TURN 1]

Hyper Cleft 2: Prepare yourself, for we are ready to build a porta potty out of your flesh and use all of your bone marrow to glue it all together.

Crazy Dayzee 1: OH BOY! I LOVE PORTA POTTIES MADE OUT OF FLESH AND BONE MARROW! HEE HEE HEEE HEEEEEE!

Goombella started off the freaky battle with a tattle on the Dayzees: YUCK!1 Listen to these creepy flower kid things talk! Yeah, these flower characters are called Crazy Dayzees. CRAZY IS LIEK, TOTALLY RIGHT! HAHA! It's power level is 11 and it takes at most, 7 hits to kill. The weirdest thing about them is that they look like cute kid show characters from WTTW Kids.

Mario: HEY! FUCK YOU! I DO THE "YOU LOOK LIKE A" COMMENTS AROUND HERE! Do it again, and I'll analyse what YOU look like!

Goombella: Jesus fuck Mario, calm down...

Mario: FUCK YOU FOR TELLING ME "CALM DOWN!" THAT'S IT! FLURRIE! YOU'RE BACK ON!

Goombella: Oh not again!

Flurrie: Oh what a delightful day this is.

Yoshi: MAN DAT IS BULL SHIT! I WANNA TAG IN!

Goombella: Bullshit is right Yoshi.

Mario: Flurrie makes for a better shield cause she enjoys pain.

Flurrie: How ever did you know, my Malicious Mariblowjob?

Mario: Cause of all of our fights with you enjoying pain, EVER!

Yoshi: Man, fuck you! I'm just gonna beat Koops up with a stick while he's being stupid.

Before Yoshi looked back, Koops had suddenly disappeared.

Meanwhile, where Koops was wondering.

Koops: I like... Muffins... made out of... dubstep... and ... moooooooore dubstep...

Flurrie blasts the Crazy Dayzee 1 with her filthy brain blood cell sucking boobs: [5 Damage]

Crazy Dayzee 1: OWWY! YOU MEANIE!

Mario uses-

Koops: GUYS!

Koops fell from a tree and interrupted the fight by landing in the middle of the stand off.

Koops: IF YOU GUYS KEEP FIGHTING, THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!

Hyper Cleft 1: Is he serious?

Mario: No! It's the fucking ACID! KOOPS! GET OUT OF THE FIGHT SCENE RETARD!

Koops: BUT I CONTROL THE OMNIVERSE! THAT MEANS I CONTROL EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE! AND HEAVEN AND HELL! IT EVEN CONTAINS THE MULTIVERSE WHICH CONTAINS THE UNIVERSE INSIDE OF IT!

Mario: I SAID GET OUT OF HERE!

Koops: HUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOLULUULULULULUULULULULLHEELHFHKBEHJBJHCVDFKJSDGSHVSEFVSJFVS!111!

Koops ran away flailing his arms around like a professional special ed student.

Mario crushes the fatigued dayzee child to deth with his hammer slammer blammer blast: [4 Damage]

Crazy Dayzee 2: YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT YUH MEAN OL' FATTIE!

Flurrie: Your squealy voice really fills me with errotic discharge...

Goombella: Do you hear yourself when you talk?

Crazy Dayzee: Now I'm gonna sing! _7#3 10|?|) !5 /\/\'/ 5#3|2|24|?|) ! 5#477 /\/07 \/\/4/\/7. #3 134|)37# /\/\3 |)0\/\/\/ !/\/ 6|?33/\/ |2457|_||?35 '/34. 740|_|6# ! 8|_|7(#3|? 7#|?0|_|6# 7#3 |2|?4'/3|? 480|_|7 4 5#4|)0\/\/ 0|= |)37#, ! \/\/!11 |=34|? /\/0 8|_|115#!7 : (4|_|53 7#!5 !5 _||_|57 |=|_|(&amp;|/\/6 4|?7._

Mario and Flurrie were about to fall asleep.

Mario: You dip cocks! This is... bullshit...

Flurrie: I'll be... in... your...dreams...mario

Mario: Shut up...Flllluuuuuurrr...

Mario and Flurrie fell asleep: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Shitt...

Hyper Clefts: OUR TURN!

Hyper Cleft 1 boosts his attack up to 6 raising his power level up to 55

Hyper Cleft 2 boosts his attack up to 6 raising his power level up to 55

[TURN 2]

Goombella: Well... At least I can still do my tattles.

Goombella uses tattle: This is oh who am I kidding. It's not like any1s gonna listen...

Yoshi: Bitch! I'm listening!

Goombella: Really? You like my tattles?

Yoshi: YEi! It's important fo us to know what are asses be dealin' with! Now shut up and tattle dat bitch before I whoop yo ass!

Goombella: ALright! Cool! These are Hyper Clefts. Besides their weird spiky hair and their sadistic methods, They're a little more power than the Hyper Bald Clefts from last chapture. Alright. I'm gonna say it! WHAT THE FUCK!? Why are none of these "Hyper" enemies ACTUALLY Hyper!? I mean, the Hyper Bald Cleft from Glitzville, was a weed smoking 'straight edge', and the Hyper Goombas were cheesey Beavis and Butthead knock offs. These guys are creeps sure, but not this "hyper" the book speaks about it. It sounds like some bias ass tattling! I'm gonna be pissed if I find out this author of the tattles is racist!

Yoshi: As bullshit as that is, TALK ABOUT THEIR STATS!

Goombella: Right. It has HP of 4 and has 3 defense with 9 attack giving it a power level of 55. Normally it's be 25, but they power up and all.

Yoshi: Yei I get that!

Crazy Dayzee 2: Welp! I'm gonna run off for no reason now! Baiiiiiiii!

The remaining Dayzee ran off into the dark woods for no reason other than being random xDDDDDD!

Yoshi: AHH HELL NO! THAT NIGGA RAN OTTA HERE! STRAIGHT UP!

Hyper Cleft 1: HEY! That was 1 of our kids we were renting to satanically molest!

Hyper Cleft 2: Do you ANY idea how much they cost just to RENT THEM!? THAT'S IT! WE WILL JUST HAVE TO MOLEST YOUR TEAM! STARTING WITH THE FAT CLOUD!

Hyper Cleft 1 smashed Flurrie somehow not waking her up: [9 Damage]

Hyper Cleft 2 mimicked that move at Flurrie exactly in a lazily written way: [9 Damage]

Also, Flurrie is heavily damaged in her sleep from the vicious blows.

[TURN 3]

Yoshi: Man, this some bullshit! The fuck we doin?!

Goombella: What do you mean?

Yoshi: I mean fuck this shit! Why can't we just step in and kick their asses!?

Goombella: Cause, [BATTLE MODE] That's why. Mario has to tag us in or something. We can't step in if we're not traded in by Mario or the partner that's tagged.

Yoshi: That's retarded! Watch this shit right now!

Yoshi stepped in and was about to attack the Hyper Clefts.

Goombella: Yoshi! What are you doing!?

Yoshi: Something I should have done against the Armored Saints 2ICE!

Hyper Cleft 1: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Yoshi uses Gulp clashing the 2 clefts together smashing the shit out of them with their hard ass rock bods: [4 Damage Both]

Goombella: Holy shit! It worked!

Yoshi: Dat's how Team M does it!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario and Flurrie woke up coincidentally when [BATTLE MODE] ended.

Flurrie: Oooooo... What happened? ANd why am I all damaged...? I mean, not that I'm complaining...

Mario: Wait? We slept through the [BATTLE MODE]!? Fuck...

Goombella: Yeah! Yoshi stepped in and finished them off!

Mario: Good. Wait? You know that you guys could just jump in when we're in sleep phase during a battle the whole time, right?

Goombella: Well no! We just thought the game wouldn't let us.

Mario: Wow, you guys really are retards. So wait, what happened to Koops?

Goombella: EEP! I mean... Ohh... shit!

Goombella: KOOPS! HEY KOOPS! WHERE ARE YOU!?

Mario: … You guys lost Koops again didn't you?

Yoshi: Wait? He left!? Damn! Dat nigga be up in all kinds of places!

Mario: So while Flurrie and I were fighting, none of you guys were paying ANY attention and don't know where Koops flew off to? God! You morons! It's almost like you 2 just read a book, and skimmed through the important details!

Goombella: Sorry! It was very suttal when he ran off and I do doze off sometimes!

Yoshi: Yei! Plus, what we need dat nigg ass fool for anyway?

Goombella: Great... Now we have to go find Koops AGAIN.

Mario: Yeah... Scratch that. We're gonna head straight to the Steeple anyway.

Goombella: WHAT!? We can't just leave him out here! We have to go find him.

Flurrie: Yeah... We need his sexyness big time…

Goombella: What if he get's raped by satanists almost like what happened earlier today!?

Mario: You guys don't get it. We find him, by heading on the path to the steeple. Trust me, that's how we'll find him.

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense.

Mario: It doesn't have to. Besides, it's not we know where to look anyway. I mean, you do realize that heading to the steeple still heads us to 1 of the hypothetical directions of where Koops might be, right?

Yoshi: Yei.

Goombella: Fine... You better be right though.

Mario: I am. Oh and FYI, when an enemy drops a badge, don't forget to tell me! I just found a **Hammer Throw** **Badge **inside 1 of the broken Clefts. And we almost missed it. But now we're keeping it despite the fact that I don't have enough BP for it. So I'm gonna trade the **Power Jump Badge** for it cause I clearly don't even use that thing anymore.

Mario: So wait, I just realized, none of you 2 fell asleep. What's up with that?

Goombella: Well since, Yoshi and I don't have any ears, we were able to stay awake.

Mario: Oh don't you plot hole me! You 2 can clearly hear just fine!

Goombella: No, really! According to the tattle, Dayzee spells only work specifically on characters who have ears like you and Flurrie. It says nothing about whether you can hear or not.

Mario: Did you just make that up?

Goombella: No! I just forgot to read that in the tattle sort of.

Meanwhile where Koops was,

Koops: G WIZZ! THIS PLACE IS SOOOO CRAZY I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! HAHAHAH! I PUKED!

Something started to rattle in the bushes.

Koops: WHAT WAS THAT!?

Suddenly, That Anime Guy from the Malcolm in the Middle Intro popped out and gave Koops a creepy grin. He's from an anime called Nazca, but we're calling him 'That Anime Guy from the Malcolm in the Middle.'

Koops: OH SHIT! LITERALLY! OOOO!

Koops shat himself! [10 Damage (Emotionally!)]

Koops: RUNAWAAAAAAAY!

Koops ran off.

Back to Mario and his less retarded friends in comparison to Koops right now.

Goombella: Hey guys, I'm looking up the Omniverse right now, and all I'm getting is Ben 10 stuff.

Mario: Yeah so?

Goombella: I was just curious. I know that whole Omniverse talk is just him on drugs, but it still sounded kind of interesting. I don't know.

Mario: And that's why people do acid.

Goombella: I don't think that was Koops' intention for doing it though.

Mario: Or was it?

A message beep from Koops' phone suddenly rang.

Yoshi: Oh yei! I forgot I was holding onto Koops' phone. Lemme read this!

Yoshi: Is dat... Koops' girl bitch?

_Dear Koops,_

_Hey. It's Koopie Koo. The prettiest girl in Petalburg! I know I haven't written you back in awhile. Still recovering from my nose injury... Anyway, I hope you haven't been cheating on me this past week! If you do, I will see to it that your nose will be more broken than even my own! Anyway, please come back soon, cause guess what? I'm super lonely! I've only made contact with Bowser since you decided to leave town, AND HE PUNCHED ME IN THE NOSE! WAAAA! Welp, whenever you're done with this adventuring phase, let me know cause I NEED some1 to pour me some tomato soup with advil in it! You not assisting me, is making me mad! I miss being able to smell. Sometimes I can still kind of smell your dad after he had me…. OH WAIT, NOTHING! Tee hee... Let's just say that he smells like 10 years of Dragon pussy and it's kind of kinky. Not that i'm bi or nothin'. Wait! What am I writing? I'm so embarrassed...but I'm sending this anyway! CUZ I'M RANDOM! Hee hee hee! DON'T BREAK UP WITH ME BAI!_

From, Koopie Koo

Yoshi: Dayamn she got a pussy whip in her pants! He he he... I know just how to deal with then whip bitches too!

Goombella: Oh god. Do it. It's good for Koops' sake.

Yoshi spent a little time writing a hurtful message.

Yoshi: Heh. Check it out. I just wrote, "SUCK MY FUCK, BIATCH!" And I blocked her! OH! YO ASS GOT DE-ACTIVATED BITCH! TAKE DAT!

Goombella: HA! Nicely done Yoshi!

Mario: Yeah. Fuck those bitch fucks. Seriously.

Goombella: Is "bitch fuck" your new thing to say lately?

Yoshi: So hod on. I have to know, where this power level shit be coming from? Like, what are you niggas referencing when you post numbers in the [BATTLE MODE]?

Goombella: Oh yeah. You know the Dragon Ball series?

Yoshi: No, but I like the name.

Goombella: It's a really popular anime, and my personal 2nd favorite. It's pretty cool. Dragon Ball is just a classic anime that starts out being about martial arts, and progresses to them having god like powers!

Yoshi: Sheeeeeeit! Really!? Aight, I'm watchin dat shit from the beginning then! All the way from episode 1!

Suddenly, a tree was blocking their way.

Mario: Oww fuck! I hit my head on this tree.

Mario's head bleed lightly from running into the tree.

Goombella: So? Lets just-

Flurrie: Way ahead of you!

Flurrie pushed her butt hole on the tree and farted a hole through it creating another path.

Goombella: Or... we could have just walked around the tree. That always works.

Flurrie: And now we have a short cut that smell like Flurrie!

Meanwhile back to Koops.

Koops: JINKEES! Where am I? And why does my butt feel all gooey!

Another thing was hiding in the bushes.

Koops: OH SHIT!

As Koops poops his pants again, a character you would not expect to see suddenly popped out!

Dixie Kong (Age 15): Whoa! What is a Koopa doing in these woods of all places!?

Koops: Oh HAHAHAHHAAA! I GET IT! You're supposed to be Dixie Kong! I know you're just a hallucination in my fragile acid mind. GOOD 1 BRAIN! GOOD 1!

Dixie Kong: … Maybe I should get you out of the forest to somewhere more safe.

Koops: I'm really dope right now... I love lemon cheese!

Dixie Kong: …. What?

Koops: My favorite Mario Kart 8 level is Cheese Land!

Dixie Kong: ... Are you alright? And what smells like shit?

Koops: Yes! Good 1 banana head!

Dixie Kong: Lol. What did you call me?

Koops: COME HERE! IMMA GONNA EAT YOU BANANA GIRL! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

Dixie Kong: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Koops chased his potential hallucination raising his arms up for a while and lost her as Dixie is a much faster runner than Koops.

Koops: Aww man… I wanted a banana..

Back to Team M Again, it has been 50 minutes, and they've still been wondering around the bizarre woods.

Goombella: Hey guys! Did you know that Twilight Town was the birthplace of inventing the hashtag trend back in the 1700s? It was a popular run on joke back then where people would put hashtags before their names to jokingly make it seem like their numbers. For example, #Larry or #Steve. Talk about a really odd sense of humor back then right?

Mario: No, it's just plain unfunny. That's all.

Goombella: Well you just don't get cuz you're not from that time.

Mario: I don't have to be. An unfunny joke is an unfunny joke. Plain and simple.

Goombella: Pfft… Dumbass.. So before this sub chapture ends, I have to ask, why is it called Electric Kool-Aid Twilight Test? It just sounds kind of random.

Mario: It's a Grateful Ded reference.

Goombella: A what?

Mario: You're too young to get it.

Goombella: Oh come on! I hate hearing that at 21! Tell me!

Flurrie was busy sucking her own tits at the same time like a dog.

Mario: *Sigh* Electric Kool-Aid refers to taking acid laced with Kool-Aid. The joke is based off the book "Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" where the groups of people who take the Kool-Aid acid drink it and meet the band 'Grateful Ded.' You like books right? Read it!

Goombella: Alright. I'll write it down on my phone.

Yoshi: Aight! I just finished watching Dragon Ball Episode 2! I gotta say, dis shit, not bad... not bad at all... I'mma keep watchin this!

Mario: Oh great. Look every1! A giant rock is in front of us.

Goombella: So what? Let's just walk around it.

Mario: I got a better idea. Let's climb over it!

Flurrie: You sure you don't want Flurrie to pooter all over it?

Mario: No! No 1 wants that, you fat low life!

Mario climbed over it while the rest of Team M that were still with him did the same.

Goombella: My fucking god. Do we really have to keep making everything harder than it needs to be?

Mario: Now you're getting it!

Back to Koops again cause why not.

Koops: _1 Banana 2 Banana 3 Banana 4, Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuh. 1 Banana 2 Banana 3 Banana 4, Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuh. NUUUUHHH NUUUUUHH NUUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUH NUUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUN! NUUUUHHH NUUUUUHH NUUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUH NUUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUN!_

The Bushes moved yet again.

Koops: GOD DAMNIT! STOP IT BUSHES! SHOW YOURSELF!

The Song _Nikopol from the Gurren Lagann _soundtrack started playing in Koops' mind as That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle popped out of nowhere.

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle (Age 23): It's been a long time, you invalid Koopa.

Koops: Oh hey! It's you again? What are you trying to do, eat me or something!?

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: You bet, invalid. Now I'm gonna dispose of you, you invalid scum.

Koops: Oh yeah? Heh, We'll see about tha!

Koops got into a ridiculous fighting position as him and the character I don't know the real name of begin a battle.

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Koops: Power Level 68

V.S.

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: Power Level 8999

Battle Music: _You're not the Boss of me Now by They Might Be Giants_

[TURN 1]

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: I hope you have a way to defend yourself, you invalid Koopa. Hahahahhaha!

Koops: Oh yeah? Well at least every1 reading this knows my name, unlike you! Behold!

Koops does a super power up where he grows Super Saiyan hair boosting his power level to 90000.

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: Oh please. This isn't even my final form. Pfft... Pathetic invalid...

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle brushed his hair in a taunting way and then powered up into a Super Saiyan boosting his power level to 100000!

[TURN 2]

Koops: Jokes on you! This isn't even my final form neither, bitch. Behold!

Koops uses a super shell shield fusing with his skin making his body made out of Koopa Shell. Basically, he's become a Koopa Shell Dragon Slayer. The unknown Fairy Tail Dragon Slayer I just made up.

Koops: Try breaking through this 1, That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle!

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: Okay, you want it invalid? You got it! Watashi no bōruburasuto o SUIMASUUUUUUUUUU!

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle did a super powerful energy blast where Koops deflected it by karate chopping it.

[TURN 3]

Koops: Pfft... Is that all you got? Well take THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Koops: CURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSE!

Koops: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Koops: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Koops: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Koops: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Koops did a powerful curse ye ha me ha blast that totally isn't based off of any Dragon Ball Z move at That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle that turned out to be a tree Koops thought he was blowing up. Poor Koops. I think we can leave off there for this sub-chapture. Yeah….

**[END OF PATHETIC MODE]**

**Chapture 5 - 9: Haunting the Steeple**

**[Creepy Steeple Front Yard]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 11:07 PM, night time and 64 Degrees F]_

After another long 50 minutes where Yoshi completed 4 Dragon Ball episodes by now, Team M at last, made to the front of the Creepy Steeple being blocked by the iron gates. As usual, they gazed upon the Steeple as they feel the need to dramatically emphasise of bizarre it looks shape wise. And yes, the map turned out describing the shape of the steeple much better than it did Hooktail's castle. Google's even better at describing what I'm talking about cause unlike me, it comes with IMAGES!

Goombella: Well here we are! The Creepy Steeple. I wonder if that was it's 1st original name!

Mario: I'm just bummed out about the forest not being as haunted as every1 made it out to be. It's fucking bullshit.

The sound of running suddenly ran towards them.

Goombella: Guys! Do you hear something?

Yoshi: No fuckin idea. I just watched that episode of Dragon Ball where they met that pig that can change into shit. Which reminds me, if that demon nigga we about to fight tries turnin me into a pig, I'll be all like "BITCH! WHATCHU DOING TURNIN MY ASS INTO A PIG!?" Then I'll whoop his ass sideways, down the street, and tie his ass up with some barbed wire! Then I'll make his ass watch the 4kids National Anthem on an infinite loop till his brain explodes from how retarded that shit is! And I'll be all like! WHAT NOW BITCH!? You aint got no brain to think about shit cuz you be watchin too much 4kids National Anthem! And now you ded! And then every1 turns back to normal and shit! Cause fuck pigs!

Goombella: You've heard of the 4kids National Anthem? I'm so sorry to hear that...

Koops: GUYS!

Mario: Oh hey. We found the master of the Omniverse!

Koops: No! I'm done with that theory! I realised now, that I AM THE LIZARD KING!

Mario: Good for you buddy! See every1!? I told you he'd find us!

Flurrie: My myy... what is that lovely oder entering Flurrie's nasal cavity...

Koops: I don't know, but my butt feels slimey almost like I've been bitten by a slime spell!

Mario: No... That's just shit in your pants, dude.

Goombella: EWWW! YOU CRAPPED YOUR PANTS!? COME ON!

Flurrie: It smells like you crapped your pants 2ice.

Koops: Oh that's what this is? I thought it smelt familiar in there!

Mario: Whatever. We'll figure it out later. For now, lets just get past these gates.

Flurrie: Alrighty. Time for Flurrie to-

Mario: HOLD ON! I never tried out my new curse yet! You see, there's a crack I can fit through without the bacon grease.

Goombella: And how does this curse work now?

Yoshi was distracted by watching Dragon Ball episode 5. The 1 where Yamcha 1st appears.

Mario: Hold on, let me think about Emma Watson tying me up and whipping me in a majical sex dungeon.

As Mario did this, he majically turned into his own dick!

Koops: HOLY FUCKINGSGPSBIUSBGISDBSDIUFBSDIGOUSBSDIUFOSHFUSIOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Flurrie: Best... curse... yet.

Dick Mario: Alright, now we're gonna roll through this crack under here.

Goombella: Whoa whoa whoa. What do you mean "We"? Like, what are you gonna do, put us all in your pockets or something? That would be impossible!

Dick Mario: Better!

Dick Mario instantly swallowed his entire party with his urethra mouth and rolled through the crack onto the other side and spat them out as he turned back to normal.

Mario: That was fun!

Yoshi: DAMN! DAT SHIT WAS FREAKY!

Goombella: DON'T... EVER... DO THAT AGAIN!

Flurrie: Correction, do that again.

Koops: Good thing I'm the Lizard King. Otherwise I would have died.

Mario: And all that's left is the door to open.

**[Creepy Steeple]**

They entered the interior of the ancient ass steeple with a blue and purple color theme. Does it mean royalty perhaps? Oh well. Moving the fuck on. With the steeple's strange curvy design, it's almost as if the architects who made this abstraction were all ahead of their time, so they made a creepy artsy building or some shit 1000 years ago. There was also a great stained glass window of a ghost creature blanket thing with a majical wizard hat with Piranha Plants around him for some reason. Spoiler alert, THERE ARE NO PIRAHNA PLANTS IN THIS LEVEL/CHAPTURE, SO HA! Wait, analyzing the levels are origonally supposed to be Goombella job. What a lazy bitch.

Goombella: Alright. So I guess this is where the next star is. This almost kind of feels like a darker spookier looking version of Chapture 2 when you think about it.

Koops: ZWYCKS! I'LL SAY! CHECK THAT OUT!

Koops pointed to the wall where The Addams Family popped out and started snapping their fingers to their theme song like a group of creepy halloween humping bastards.

Mario slapped Koops in the face.

Koops:YUM!

Mario: Will you STOP seeing shit for just a gad damn second. I'm not sympathetic to your acid trip you know!

Goombella: You notice how the moon seems to be our only source of light? Good thing it's a clear sky out tonight.

Flurrie: So what do we do now Mario?

Mario: Well here's what we normally do. We open some doors and figure this place out. Remember, there is always a way around these parts.

Koops: You mean these SPOOKY PARTS!

Mario slapped Koops in the face again.

Mario: STOP HALLUCINATING! It's not SPOOKY, DUMBASS!

Koops: MRR! MRRRRRRRR!

Mario: And you're not a fucking Frankenstein!

Koops: I'M TRYING TO SCARE AWAY THE GHOST BY BEING EVEN SCARIER!

And so, they attempted to open the 1st door, when suddenly, a boo popped through the door blocking the way.

Boo 1 (Age 396): BOO!

Koops: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?

Koops crapped his pants a 3rd time!

Goombella: AWW SICK! HOW MUCH CRAP DO YOU HAVE INSIDE YOU!?

Boo 1: My friends all killed themselves and I'm so lonely!

Mario: I don't care! Let us through!

Boo 1: NOOOO! FUCK YOU! I'm lonely! So I'm gonna block your way!

Mario: Then I'll kill you ALL over again!

Boo 1: You can't kill boos! We're already ded!

Mario: Oh yeah? Well, play Super Mario 64 and prove me wrong!

Goombella: Don't they come back when you re-enter the level?

Mario: You're not helping.

Boo 1: Well, I'm just gonna possess the door and see how you like it! See? Watch this!

Boo 1 possessed the door locking it tight.

Mario: You dip ass!

Fluurrie: My myy… He must have went deep inside of that entrance huh?

Mario attempted to smash the door with no luck. FLurrie even tried molesting it which also didn't work.

Mario: Fuck it! We're trying another door!

They tried touring another door when something similar happened!

Boo 2 (460): BOO!

Koops: AH SHNAIKIES! *craps himself again*

Boo 2: I'm lonely!

Mario: Then go talk to Boo 1 or something!

Boo 2: NOOOO! FUCK YOU! I'm LONELY! So I'm gonna block your door by possessing the door.

The other door got possessed.

Goombella: I feel like they're just trying to be ironic for some reason.

Mario: Okay! Looks like the doors are off limits! Let's think of another way shall we?

Koops: Hey guys! Why are all these bugs crawling down my leg!?

The rest of Team M noticed a trail of small pieces of turd that have been rolling down Koops' right pant leg.

Mario: That's shit dude. Not bugs!

Goombella: That's it! Koops! You're taking your pants off!

Koops: Oooo I like where this is going...

Goombella: ... I'm gonna assume it's the acid talking.. Just lose the pants so none of us have to put up with your shit smell!

Koops: Aww man! Do I have to!?

Mario: Yes!

Yoshi: Do it bitch!

Flurrie: I want you to for perverted reasonings…

Goombella: Yes Flurrie. We know.

Koops: Fiiiiiiine. HAHAHAHAHAAA! What about my briefs?

Goombella: Especially the briefs!

Koops: LOL! Fine...

Koops took off his crapped up pants and underwear and was forced to walk around like Porky Pig at all times.

Flurrie: Mmmm... It's almost like you left a trail of candy for Flurrie to devour, Koops...

Mario: Alright. Back to the objective. You guys' see this statue with the star on it in front of us?

Goombella: Yeah?

Mario: Watch this.

Mario pushed the star statue thing opening a hidden path in the floor.

Goombella: Whoa! How did you know that would be there?

Mario: Years and years of haunted house levels, bitch.

Mario and his team of oddballs fell down the trap door and landed safely on a trampoline that had them land safely in the basement. It was filled with different kinds of bondage gear.

Flurrie: Mmmmmm... Such a luxurious basement. 5 STARS! Speaking of that number, why don't we take 5 and-

Mario: NO! We got work to do! And Koops! stop carrying your soiled pants around!

Koops: But I'm the Lizard King-

Mario: No Koops! You are not Jim Morrison! Besides Flurrie, none of us wanna smell your shit!

Koops: BUt what if it's good luck!? I can-

Mario: It's the acid talking! Now lose them!

Koops: You're lose!

Goombella: Hey check out this jack in the box. It's creepy, to be honest, we probably shouldn't open it.

Mario: Why not? Maybe there's a prize in it!

Goombella: Oh, come on ! That's clearly a trap!

Flurrie was busy putting on sadistic bondage gear including a red rubber ball in her own mouth and a leather mask to blind herself.

Also, Yoshi was busy watching Dragon Ball Episode 5. That's why he hasn't too social lately. Kids these days on their phone and hwatnot.

Mario: Yes, and as the expert, I know that these things tend to work as a variable. Meaning it could be treasure, or a trap that I turn into treasure! We can't lose!

Goombella: I wouldn't bet on-

Koops suddenly opened the box thinking there was lizard king candy inside! Instead, a large quantity of Boos bursted out of the box.

Goombella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!I TOLD YOU!

Koops: WHERE DO ALL THESE DANNY PHANTOM'S KEEP COMING FROM!? *Craps on floor*

Flurrie: Mmmm...Talk about a lemon party!

the last boo that came out of the box put on a top hat and a monocle like Mr. Peanut.

Boo 3 (816): Ahoy there mon! I've been locked in that box for quite some time now!

Mario: Shut up! You're not Black Spirit IV!

Boo 3: Now It's QUIZ TIME! How many Boos came out of the box?

Mario: Alot.

Boo 3: DING DONG! CORRECT! It was alot! For your reward, you will win, A BAG OF ULTRA SHROOMS! FOR BEING SUCH A MATH ASSPIE!

Mario: Oh wow. Cool I guess.

Boo 3: Now I'm off to hang with my released home boys! TOKE, DON'T CHOKE!

Boo 3 flew away to chill with his homeboys upstairs in the lobby.

Mario: Ever notice how these boobs… boos. Sorry, my mouth is dry. *AHEM* act like confusing retards!?

Flurrie: I'll tell you what I notice, that Koops needs to wipe his posterior. Allow Flurrie to assist!

Flurrie started hovering towards Koops.

Koops: What... are you doing strange purple elephant monster..?

Flurrie: Your ass is a magnet for my tongue!

Flurrie stuck her tongue out as she was trying to tongue punch Koops' fartbox.

Koops: AAAAAAAHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME! PLEASE!

Flurrie started chasing Koops in circles.

Flurrie: PREPARE FOR A SLOPPY RIM JOB FROM MADAME FLURRIE!i!

Mario: Guys! Quit fooling around! Now that those dumbass boos are partying, I think we have a better chance of making it through those doors that were being blocked!

The bombastic team of M made it back up to the 1st floor where they saw 1 boo floating talking to himself.

Koops: Whoa! Check out that taco stand.

Goombella: That's a boo. Wait, how to get taco stand from boo?

Mario: Wait, where the fuck is the boo party!? And why is no 1 getting shit faced!?

Mario and his strange friends walked up to the saddened ghost wondering where the party at.

Mario: Where the party at?

Boo 4 (710): Sniff sniff... You're n-n-n-n-not going to h-h-h-h-hurt me, are you?

Mario: I'm… pretty sure I JUST asked "where da party at?"

Boo 4: So I guess you are gonna hurt me, are you..

Mario: Uhh... Goombella, what do we tell him?

Goombella: Tell him no.

Mario: hmmm...

Mario whacked the Boo in the face with a hammer: [4 Damage]

Goombella: MARIO, I SAID "NO!" NOT "COMPULSIVELY DECK HIM" YOU DRUNK ASS HAT!

Mario: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? HE WAS ANNOYING ME!

Boo 4: OWW! THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! OKAY, THAT IS IT! COME ON OUT BOOS! ALL 200 OF YOU! LET'S SPOOK THEIR ASSES INSIDE AND OUT!

Flurrie: THAT MAKES ME EVER SO RANDY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!

200 Boos came out from everywhere in the lobby and took shit over.

Yoshi: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!

Koops: HAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

They kept trying to possess the Team but couldn't do it.

Mario kept swinging his hammer with enough force to become a helicopter of pain, Goombella used her flashlight helmet and a laser cannon knocking a bunch of the boos back, Koops kept running around in circles in Sonic the Hedgehog's running pose with his pants off causing the boos to keep running into each other, Flurrie was the 1 who was chasing the boos cause no 1 wanted to possess her disgusting Flurrie body, and Yoshi kept trying to Kamehameha the boos but then resulting to just punching them cause it was easier that way.

1 boo accidently paranormally entered Flurrie and possessed her by mistake.

Boo 5: EWW! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Boo 5 left Flurrie's body for the obvious reasons.

Boo 4: Alright! I guess this isn't working! I think... we need to … COMBINE!... ATTENTION ALL BOOS, IT IS TIME TO ASSEMBLE! INITIATE; ATOMIC, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Boo 4: STAND FORTH, AND WITNESS THE POWER OF WHAT AN ARMY OF BOOS CAN REALLY DO!

All of the boos started running into each other polymerizing into 1 giant morbidly obese boo the size of your room. I don't how big your room actually is. So use your imagination! Or if you've played the game, you can probably just remember what he looks like instead.

Atomic Boo (Age 300 - 1000): Me he he he he heeee.e... Prepare to get spooked cause you 5 wanderers aint gonna stand a ghost of a chance! Get it? MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now let's bOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoss battle!

Mario: Great. This guy is already doing damage to me. Brain damage.

**[MINI BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

* Mario: Power Level 90

* Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 7/88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 3/10

V.S.

Atomic Boo: Power Level: 120

_Battle Music: B.C - Year Zero by Ghost_

[TURN 1]

Atmoic Boo: I'm gouling to haunt you all down 1 by 1! And DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!111111111

Yoshi: Is dat the creature that be turnin asses into pigs and shit!? Cause if so, I'll be all li-

Mario: No! Keep in mind that these boos that formed into that 'giant heart attack' were in a box for however long ago. No, I think we actually have another boss coming up after this. Goombella! Time to tattle!

Goombella: Sure! But you better let me fight this round!

Mario: Granted.

Goombella uses tattle: This is an Atomic Boo. Despite it being made out of 200 boos, it has a power level of 120. Which is odd, cause that would mean that each boo has a power level of 0.6. The reason why it's odd is cause I'd really suspect each boo to have a power level of 18. So wouldn't that mean that Atomic Boo's power level should be 360? I don't fucking know. It's attacks involve making out with us, sitting on us, or spitting ghosts at us! They all sound like perverted moves when you think about it, BUT THEY'RE NOT, FLURRIE!

Flurrie: OH YES THEY ARE!

Mario: Shut up and watch me attack!

Mario uses double jump on Atomic Boo doing a slight: [4 Damage]

A bunch of boos in his atomic body pussed out and left

Atomic Boo: YOU HALLOWEINERS! Is that all you got? Feast your eyes and watch this!

Atomic Boo covered his eyes with his hands thinking it would actually make him invisible!

Atomic Boo: HAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA! Now you can't see me! Cuz I vanished! You're all shriek out of luck now, you ghost busting hooligans!

Mario: ... Really? All 200 or how many there are of you left really think that you turned invisible by covering you're- Nevermind. I mean, Oh no... you got us... shiiiitttt...

Goombella: Does he think we're infants or something?

Mario: The fuck if I know...

[TURN 2]

Mario: You know what? Lets use the star we haven't used yet.

Mario held up the Star of **Greed**!

Yoshi: Finally!

Mario: And now to get greedy... Like what if I stole this entire steeple for myself and turn it into a porn hotel where I make errotica in. I can call it… HOTEL MARIO! Nintendo actually had that idea 1ce for their own business before they became a video game thing. Maybe if I took over Nintendo for myself, I can-

The star started glowing and levitated

Mario there we go!

Soon enough, a bingo looking hologram spawned with icons of powering up offense and defense.

Mario: Holy shit!? What's going on!? How do I work this thing!?

Koops: TRY USING YOUR MIND TO BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! *panting* CONTROL IT!

Mario controlled the bingo thing with his Mario mind causing all of their attack power to power up by 2, and defense by 2. This makes Mario's power level increase by 240, and Goombella's by 170!

Goombella: Holy shit! Koops was right! Maybe the acid trip was for the better.

Mario: AHA! See that you bulging fuckwad!? You look like transparent Jack Nicholson preparing for a role as the boulder for the next Indiana Jones movie where he has to eat 10000 doughnuts to look like you! You're not scary nor are you at all a threat, you paranormal abomination of a creature-fuck!

Atomic Boo: YOU... DESCRIBED ME!? HOW CAN YOU EVEN SEE ME!? HOW GHASTLY!

Goombella used multi bonk on the fatass atomic boo doing an atomic ass blasting load of: [17 Damage]

Atomic Boo: OWW! YOU JEEPER-CREEPER!

At this point, more than half of the boos have up and left the atomic boo.

Atomic Boo: Alright, take this to your graves! I HAVE AN ULTIMATE BANSHEE BLAST ATTACK JUST BREWIN IN MY CAULDRON!

Mario: Enough of your shitty ghost/ halloween puns already!

Atomic Boo: DRAWN IN MY ECTOPLASM!

Atomic boo shot out 60 boos at Mario and Goombella only doing: [4 Damage Each]

Aomic Boo: 4... DAMAGE?! WHAT A SPI-RIP OFF!

Mario: HA! OUR OVERPOWERED POWER UPs made you look like a jackass just now!

Atomic Boo: YOU JACKOLANTERN! When I'm done with you, you'll all be bobbing for apples like a gay green phantom!

Mario: Is that even a threat!?

Atomic Boo: IT IS WHEN I SAY IT!

[TURN 3]

Goombella used a powered up double bonk on Atomic Boo: [10 Damage]

At this point, more than 3 quarters of the fat boo are gone.

Atomic Boo: I got a joke for you, Knock, knock.

Goombella: Who's there?

Atomic Boo: Boo.

Mario: Wait I sec. I know what happens after this, so I'll just skip to the critiques! Boooooooooo that joke SUCKED!

Atomic Boo: BUT I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH IT!

Mario: AND YOU NEVER WILL!

Mario uses an average double jump on the fatigued Boo leaving 0.6 of a regular sized boo to remain: [8 Damage]

Not so Atomic Boo: ... Fuck this gangar! I'm killing myself! See you all in Helloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Not so Atomic boo ate himself inside out making him vanish into nothingness.

Mario: Couldn't saying "See you all in Hell" work just fine rather than referencing Helloween?

Mario leveled up to Level 12 boosting up his FP.

Mario: We've needed to do that for awhile now.

**[END OF MINI BOSS BATTLE]**

Mario: HA! They we're even more retarded than I had realized! My fucking fuck that was easy! Like, there was 200 of them, and they only gave us 4 damage. But that doesn't even matter cause I leveled up which HEALS US!

Flurrie: Is was most ghastly I agree...

Mario: Don't you start with the ghost puns too!

Yoshi: Well I'm glad dat shits over. Imma finish this Dragon Ball episode up already!

Koops: I TOLD YOU THAT MIND THING WOULD POWER US UP!

Mario: Yes, yes you did. You actually did something useful on acid for 1ce.

Koops: Well yeah, I am the Lizard King after all! *does a proud pose* I can do anything! Even control the Omniverse!

Mario: Shut up Koops.

Mario: Let's just head to the door now since we killed the boos it seems like.

**[Outside of the Steeple]**

Mario and his unholy team walked through the door that the boos are no longer possessing taking them outside on a path to another part of the steeple.

Goombella: So Mario, about this sub-chapture title. Is it also a reference to anything?

Mario: Yeah. It's based off of the Slayer's 1984 EP; Haunting the Chapel.

Goombella: How exactly do you know all this stuff?

Mario: I just do. No questions needed.

Yoshi: Man, this episode be hard to watch with Koops' ass smelling like shit!

Koops: That's 'Lizard King' to you!

Yoshi: WIPE YO ASS NIGGA!

Flurrie: I've been trying to! With my tongue!

Yoshi: FINE! I'll take 1 for the team...

Yoshi grabbed some random leaves he found outside.

Yoshi: Take care of it!

Koops: Thanks. Uhh... can you do it for me? I kind of forgot how to...

Yoshi: FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID ASS, ...! ALRIGHT! Bend over yuh fuck assed bitch! Ugg… I'm gonna hate myself for doin this shit...

Koops: Oh Boy!

Yoshi wiped Koops' ass with the leaves. Little did they know, it was poison ivy Yoshi wiped Koops with! IN A HAUNTED FOREST! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAACOUGHCOUGHCOUGHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Koops: THANKS YOSHI! WOW! MY BOOTY SURE DOES ITCH ALOT THOUGH!

The gang was then interrupted by a spooky blind gang of Swoopers. Don't know why.

Swooper 1: Hey! I smell people walking around in our turf!

Swooper 2: Wait, what do you mean? I can't see them!

Swooper 3: That's because we're blind stupid. What are you, def too?

Swooper 2: Fuck you're bat ass!

Mario: Hey look! More retard gangs! Blind 1s!

Swooper 3: You're a blind retard! We own this house, you know!

Yoshi: You blind ass bat bitches don't own nothin!

Goombella: ... I don't think these guys are the monster we're looking for neither...

Yoshi: Hell the fuck no they ain't!

Flurrie: Mmmm... Let's hope they have bat rabies! I've always wanted to lubricate myself in rabies foam. Swooper 1: Man, this would be easier if our buddy was with us. Too bad he got killed off as a Glitzville fighter yesterday. Oh well, we'll kick these guy's optical asses for Sir. Swoop!

Swooper 2 and 3: FOR SIR SWOOP!

Mario: Doesn't ring the bell.

**[BAT MODE]**

* Mario: Power Level 90 Level 11

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 88

* Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 15

V.S.

Swooper 1: Power Level 15

Swooper 2: Power Level 15

Swooper 3: Power Level 15

_Battle Music: Elimination by Overkill_

[TURN 1]

Koops: Gee wizz-wackers! You gotta let me fight and use my Lizard King powers to zap these butterflies to zap them to the extreme!

Mario: No Koops! Go find a retard corner to sit in and fuck off! And 1 of you partners watch him this time! Flurrie! You do it!

Flurrie was eating the poison ivy used to wipe Koops.

Flurrie: OKAY!

Koops: Aww SHUCK YOU, MARIO!

Goombella used her tattle of no damage on 1 of the Swoopers: These are swoopers. Incase you haven't noticed they're a Mario game species renaming of bats. Blind bats that seem to rely on smelling us. Talk about Bat Shit Crazy right!? Alright…. They have a power level of 15 and they hang on the ceiling. So attacking them might be a bit tricky. Also, they suck on you like a vampire. I guess that's all there is. Kind of filler enemies don't you think?

Mario: So clearly, they're hanging from the ceiling, and can't be hit with a hammer, ... Or... Could they?

Mario used his hammer throw badge for the 1st time. For some reason, the ugly bastard needs a fucking badge just to throw his hammer. Wait, I have an idea. A majical wooden hammer appears in his hand that Mario uses to throw at swooper: [4 Damage]

Swooper 1: OWW! MY LEG! I mean... HEAD! I CAN'T TELL! I'M BLIND!

Yoshi: I got a new move too nigga! Check it!

Yoshi uses mini egg blast for the 1st time as he shat out 3 eggs, and threw 1 at each swooper shrinking them to half size also cutting their attack in half and dealing: [1 Damage Each]

Swooper 1 uses neck suck on Yoshi to regenerate some of the HP lost from the last attack: [2 Damage]

Yoshi: EEWWWW! Nigga, you gay!

Swooper 2 does the same to Mario. Note, unlike Twilight, they actually have fangs when they bite, that made you bleed: [2 Damage]

Mario: What the fuck!?

Swooper 3 also sucks on Mario's neck for the sake of HP and nothing more: [2 Damage]

Mario: YOU PIECE OF FUCK!

[TURN 2]

Yoshi: Damn Mario, do you think there's any way to counter their shit?

Mario: ... No, but I do have a quick solution that'll save us alot of time.

Mario reached into his mysterious inventory, and grabbed his bag of shooting star dust to snort causing the sky to turn slightly darker, and somehow descends a constellation of stars from space I think, and they all broke through part of the ceiling from the steeple instantly vaporizing all 3 bats under the cosmic radiation of the stars that also crushed their corpses. Talk about overkill right? The term I mean: [7 Damage All!]

**[END OF BAT MODE]**

Mario: And that's how you finish a boring battle!

Yoshi: DAHAHAHAAAAAAAMN! THAT IS HOW WE TEAM M FUCKERS PLAY OUR SHIT! STRAIGHT UP G!

Goombella: JEEZ! COuldn't you have pulled that out in an outdoor area!?

Mario: We are in an outdoor area. What's you're point?

Goombella: I mean an outdoor area where we're not under a ceiling! Those stars could have frikkin crushed us!

Flurrie: They were pretty stars through.

Koops: What stars?

Flurrie: You know... the 1s Mario conjured with his fabulous drug use...

Koops: Oh yeah... I'm sorry. I've been seeing stars all day so it's all good man... I also feel like a rainbow...

Goombella: How would that feel like?

Koops: Oh you know...

Goombella: You know... what?

Koops: You know that... you know!

Goombella: Whatever.

Koops: Can some1 help me scratch my tushy? I feel like it has a rash or something.

Flurrie It definitely does hunny. And I know rashes... Looks like Yoshi wiped you with a little dose of poison ivy…

Yoshi: Oh really? Shit… Sucks to be you then, loser!

Koops: Oh... uhh... cool!

Mario: Can we get going now!? I'm pretty sure the boss of this level is aware of our presence especially after we destroyed a 10th of his house just now.

**[Back inside the Creepy Steeple]**

Team M made into a room with a staircase leading to the 2nd floor. Yeah, apparently, there is no such thing as a door that takes you directly into this room on the 1st floor. Talk about convenient craftsmanship eh? Just for the sake of the game making, you gotta go through several dumb puzzles that insult your intelligence. Also, I have to note that there are 3 door paths with 1 flight of stairs leading to the middle path only.

Goombella: Okay good. Finally, a stairway!

Koops: WHERE!? WHERE!? HOLY SHIT! I DON'T WANNA DIE!

Goombella: Relax Koops. You're just tripping as usual...

Koops: Then why am I Donald Ducking it?

Flurrie: Mmmmm... What an elegant term for walking around with no pants nor undergarments... I can go look for t for hose dirty things for you.

Mario: No time. We gotta impale some spooky monster ass with my magnificent Mario foot! Come with me!

Goombella: Hmmm... Is it me, or is a little odd that there are 3 door holes where there are 2 hall ways we saw in the 2nd floor from the 1st earlier? I feel like I should have pointed that out earlier.

Mario: Overthinking leads to wasted time! Let's hop these stairs already!

Koops: AAHH!

Goombella: Whoa. What was that about?

Koops: Oh… No reason. I just had to scream in case Freddy Krueger was in my head.

Goombella: He enters dreams, not your hea- Why am I stooping to this!?

Mario: Alright, like it or not, i'm gonna hop these stairs!

Mario started dashing up the stairs like a fat nerd running up the stairs at Comic Con.

Goombella: I just don't remember there being a middle path...

Mario opened the door and just when he realized that he opened a door without a floor, he fell face 1st on his stomach from a story high dropping him back to the 1st floor with more loose teeth than ever and a bloody forehead.

Mario: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

Goombella: See what I mean guys?

Mario smashed a hole through the wall blocking his way back to the stair room his teammates were in.

Mario: THIS IS HORSE SHIT!

Goombella: Looks like some1 doesn't know everything about haunted levels after all..

Mario: I'm gonna chuck you at the wall and make it look funny if you don't shut up!

Flurrie: My oh my... What ever do you suppose we do to solve this unresolved stair hole mystery?

Koops: WAIT! I HAVE AN IDEA!

Koops ran out the door back into the outdoors for some reason.

Goombella: God damnit Koops! You better not run off again!

Goombella ran after the drug induced turtle to make sure he doesn't get lost like he has been lately.

Yoshi: Dayamn! That was a good ass Dragon Ball episode! Straight up G! Yei. Sorry my ass be all distracted with dat shit. But now imma be more active in what's goin on since I feel like we gettin close to the next boss!

The staircase suddenly shifted over to the door path to the left.

Yoshi: Oh shit! Them stairs are possessed all up in the steeple!

Flurrie: Mmmmaybe it has a mind of it's own...

Koops and Goombella came back to the room.

Koops: I figured it out guys! My Lizard King voices in my head told me to hit a jump switch outside to move the stairs.

Goombella: I'm not gonna lie. He actually did figure that out. While on acid too!

Koops: I am on Acid!

Goombella: Yes Koops. Yes you are/

Mario: So Koops actually instinctively found something useful due to his acid trip again? Holy shit!

Koops: Aww shucks guys...

Mario: Shut up Koops. Now we can ACTUALLY head to the 2nd floor without cartoonishly brushing off E.R. worthy injuries like they're nothing.

Goombella: No Mario, only you do that.

Mario punched Goombella really hard in the nose area.

Goombella: OWW! WHAT THE FUCK MARIO!? WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?

Mario: Now we can both share the fun.

Later after Goombella brushed off the punch to the face like nothing happened, the Team of Trouble made it up the stairs. Unfortunately, it was not the path leading to the next door. Although...

Mario: ... OH COME ON!

Flurrie: WHat's wrong?

Mario: The- The fucking door! It's on the OTHER HALLWAY! Damnit Koops! You had to press the wrong switch on the left side, didn't you!

Goombella: Wait a sec. Don't declare "Damit Koops" just yet. See that lock locking the door on the other side? We would need a key to open it anyway.

Mario: A key you say? Fuck that. I was gonna smash through the door anyway. Or the wall next to it. WHatever works.

Yoshi: Found it!

Goombella: Wow! That was fast! Where?

Yoshi: It was just resting on the hallway all casually and hwat not. Damn. Y'all nigga need to be lookin around more often. Cause y'all are gettin beat by Koops man. Is that an expectation y'all really wanna live by?

Mario: Yeah, we've been way ahead of you on Koops being a retard.

Koops: Yei! Now shut up Webster!

Yoshi punched Koops in the dick.

Koops: OWW! RIGHT IN MY KOOPA MUSHROOM!

Flurrie: I thought it was the balls that were sensitive...

Mario: Okay! I figured out a short cut!

Goombella: What?

Mario: Every1! Hop on the Flurrie! We're riding her over to the door!

Flurrie: *GASP* YAY! All abort- I mean, all aboard the Flurrie train!

Flurrie: BUckle up buckaroos!

The non floating Team M members hopped on the morbid cloud creature to the door.

Goombella: Okay, from now on, let's always keep in mind that Flurrie can fucking fly. Cause this is the 2nd time we could have done that and could have skipped so much more shit that way.

Mario: You know we won't.

Soon enough, they made it to the door and up some spooky spiraly stairs leading to a trampoline that will lead to the next boss. That felt alot quicker compared to our last chapture huh.

Flurrie: That was the fastest journey to the boss' lair ever huh gentlemen? With all of this time to kill, would any of you 4 like to orgy with the Flurrie before we fight this ghoulish ratscallion?

Mario: No, cause I honestly would not fuck any of you even if I had a loaded gun to my head.

Goombella: Gee... Thank's alot Mario...

Koops: Yei... gee... thanks Mario...

Flurrie: I like guns to the head. They make me all randyyyy!

Koops: Hey guys? Does my butt still have a rash?

Mario: Yeah. Yoshi did wipe your ass with poison ivy you know. If you want details, it's starting to do that yellow bubbly oozing thing that horrible rashes do when they get THAT infected.

Goombella: YUCK! It did get alot worse then last time I saw it.

Koops: Well that's good guys!

Goombella: You need to see a doctor about that immediately!

Mario: Where the fuck are we gonna find a doctor in this region?

Goombella: Well aren't you a doctor in some games?

Mario: That's Dr. Mario. He's just my celebrity double incase I get shot. Super Smash Bros. Melee made that abundantly clear.

Yoshi: Just lettin y'all this right now, if dat nigga above us even TRIES to turn any of us into a pig, I'll be all like, "AY! NIGGA! YOU WANNA MAKE US INTO PIGS!? YOU WANNA MAKE US INTO PIGS!? WELL GUESS WHAT!? I'MMA MAKE YOU MY PIG!" And that's where I tie his mouth to his dick and make him take a taste of his own hog! And then I'll be all like, "AHA BITCH! WHAT NOW BITCH!? WHAT NOW!? HOW YO BACON TASTE!? YOU LIKE DAT, YOU GAY NARCISSISTIC BITCH NIGGA! HUH!? YOU LIKE SUCKING YO OWN DICK!?" Then I'll be all-

Mario: Alright every1! We are all hopping on the trampoline at the same time for dramatic effect!

Flurrie: I got a better idea!

Flurrie sucked up all of Team M into her mouth like Kirby.

Mario: YOU FUCKING BITCH!

Koops: NOT AGAIN!

Flurrie: LET'S SKEDADDLE!

Flurrie hopped on the trampoline into the room on the steeple with the boss inside. Wanna read all about it? Find out in Chapture 5 - 10: For THIS is who the hell Trolls!

**Chapture 5 - 10: For THIS is Who the Hell Trolls!**

1 second later prior from this Sub-Chapture, the consumed Team inside of the wretched Flurrie made it into the room of the creature who's been turning the town into a bunch of filthy swines. Finally, you non Paper Mario fans who are too lazy to google image characters can receive a shitty description of him. I'll describe him in a bit.

In the meantime, FLurrie spat out the team after almost being tempted to swallow them in a senselessly sexual way.

Mario: God damnit Flurrie! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! FUCK YOUR BREATH!

Mario Puked on Yoshi.

Yoshi: WATCH WHERE YOU PUKIN, NIGGA!

Koops: Look guy's! It's Tricky Dick Nixon!

Koops pointed to the monster that appears to be this thing with a white blanket used to hide his identity with 2 red demonic eyes sticking out. Imagine a troll creature wearing a cheaply made halloween looking ghost costume with a blue cheesey wizard hat with red stars and a blue ribbon that he bought from Party City. Also, he was seen sitting in his crusty chair animating porn of female characters from Sonic the Hedgehog farting on eachother while he be masterbating... to his own "artwork."

? (Age 40): SUP FGTS! Wht r u retardz dooing interrupting my "ANIMATION/ MASTERBATION" time?

Yoshi: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW! FUCK DAT SHIT MAN! SICK!

Goombella: AWW YOU GOTTA BE BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! KIDDING ME! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING!?

?: LOLZERZ! What's wrong brah? Uz btchs gotz prolbems with my C-reez 'Sonic Girls Farting'? I'm working on Episode 5 right now! I'm gonna get soo many SUBZ! Especially from the S.D.C. (Sonic Diapering Community!)

Mario: The fuck? ... Please don't tell me that's a real thing..

?: LOLN00Bz! m doingz this to celebratez ziPWNINGz of thoze FGTz n TWATlight town trning thm n2 n00b $$ pigGAYz!

Koops: HAHA!

Goombella: What's so funny?

Koops: Oh sorry. I thought I saw a bunch of clowns doing a drive by...

Yoshi: So hod up! This IS really dat monsta nigga dat's been turning all em asses into pigs and shit!? Man, he look like a bitch. No, better yet, A BITCH ASS BITCH! STRAIGHT UP G!

?: LOLz! U R A B!TCH $$ B!TCH U NGR! I guess U R Probably wondering Y IV been tr0llingz all of tose fgtz huh?

Mario: Nope. Not 1 bit. We're just here to bend you over and murder-fuck you with a metal pineapple plain and simple.

?: Well...

D- I mean... ?: U C, teh REEZIN WHY I'm tr0llingz them N00Berz iz becuz I waz trying 2 show teh townz ppl my YTPs to gain SUBz, and even SUB4SUBz. What does YTP mean you ask? "YouTube Poop!" And get this, liek, no 1 lolled 1 bitz. They just keptz calling my Zelda CDI, SatAM, and Super Mario Super Show YTPz "lame" "unfunny" and "random access humor." S0 I Lolledz back by asking them "umadz?" And they didn't even ACT MAD! Infact, THEY IGNORED MII! So then the Mayor reportedz &amp; bannedz mii from his SH!TTY town! Since those unfunny n00bz werent lollingz 2 mii, I figured Id start tr0llingz them even harderz than everz by bilding a majical airhorn that turnz n00bzerz into pigGAYz! And it workzed! They're all sad retard pigz and I haxxed n2 thr reel livez and ruined themz! TALK ABOUT IRONY HUH!? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLL! And now, the nxt course of actionz iz... whtz d00 I d00z wit Uz?

Goombella: Wait, slow down, can you PLEASE explain where the fuck the "irony" was in that plan?

Mario: Soooooo... From what I can already gather from just meeting you, you're a fucking loser with no life who dwells in a steeple spending all of your time tr0lling and masterbating to shameful fart fetish porn. Well, before we fight, let Team M introduce ourselves!

Mario and each of the Team M members turned around and exposed their butts to the creepy loser troll with the retarded LOLOLOL laugh. They all mooned him in the order of joining the team. Keep in mind that they still have ass tattoos from Darkly on the left butt cheek. Also keep in mind that Koops still has a bad ass rash from the poison ivy.

Mario: MARIO!

Goombella: GOOMBELLA!

Koops: JIMMY NEUTRON!

Flurrie: Flurrie...

Yoshi: YOSHI, BITCH!

?: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! THAT WAS LIEK, MAD UBR OVR 9000 GAY PNTZ! WHR DID U FGTz get those tatts from? A GAY BAR!? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLZ0RS! Allow me to show you how I take care of FGTs!

The stupid ghost creature who wears his blanket to hide his true identity from being seen for troll reasons ran to his Giant Air Horn machine sticking out of his Steeple and pushed the button connected to the machine and turned Mario into a pig.

Air Horn: HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

And NOW Mario's a pig.

Goombella: MARIO!

Yoshi: OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL NAW!

Koops: HAHA! What? Where am I?

Flurrie: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS! BEST ORGASM YET!

Pig Mario was just standing there looking super pissed at the anonymous troll.

Goombella: YOU… YOU SON OF A BITCH! HOW COULD YOU TURN OUR LEADER INTO A FUCKING PIG, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!?

Yoshi: DATS IT! I'M SAYIN IT! AY BITCH! WHATCHU DOIN TURNIN OUR ASSES INTO PIGS AND SHIT! IMMA WHOOP YO ASS YOU FOR DOIN IT BY KNOCKIN YOU DA FUCK OUT WHILE I KILL YO ASS AND BRING YOU TO LIFE JUST TO KILL YO ASS 1000000000000 GOD DAMN TIMES WITH THE DRAGON BALLS YOU SHIT ASS SHIT FUCK BITCH WIBBLY WOBBLY FUCK LICKER!

Goombella: Dude. You've been like, changing that threat around 4 or 6 times now.

?: W0W! Tht's L0Ltasic u filthy NGR! How boutz I PIGOWN u next thn?

Yoshi: SUCK MAH YOSHI EGGS, BITCH!

?: L0L, U s0 mad brah! I hrd u liek mudkipz!

Pig Mario: THAT'S ENOUGH!

Suddenly, Mario's human hands started ripping out of his pig form's back as if the pig body became some kind of locus shell. It's similar to Arin Jager breaking out from his Titan form from Attack on Titan. And yes. I've watched that anime too. So basically, Mario being trenched in pig blood bursted out of the grimy pig corps like it was nothing.

Goombella: HOLY FUCK!

Yoshi: DAYAMN!

Koops: MARIO! YOU'RE ALIVE!

Flurrie was busy eating her bloody boogers.

?: NOz! Impossiblez! How... DID Uz COUNTERz MY SPELL!?

Mario: Have you all forgotten!? I already have a curse where I can sweat bacon grease! Making myself perpetually immune to the pig spell! So good luck turning me into a pig, you blister clit!

Goombella: As happy as I am that you can do that, how does that make ANY sense!?

Mario: It doesn't! Yet it still works anyway! SO DEAL WITH IT, CUNT!

Mario: As for YOU, fuck ass! By the time this fight is over, I will morbidly force fuck you with every ounce of blood and diarrhea in my body till it comes out your mouth and you die!

Yoshi: WHAT HE SAID!

Flurrie: Yummy…

?: GAY!

**[B0SS BATTLE MODEz]**

* Mario: Power Level 78/90

* Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 50/55

FP: 10/15

V.S.

?: Power OVER 9000! tbh, it's 120

Battle Music: Trololololol

Just Kidding.

_Battle Music:_ _Under Bergets Rot by Finntroll_

[TURN 1]

?: Dont b so sure u jerkops can beet mii! I bet u bozos don't even lift! As for ur WOP leader, u look like a gay fat old hybrid of Ron Jeremy and Chris Farley whose eaten and fucked too many donuts! U look gay, and jewish, and no 1 loves you! Where did u get your clothes frm? Teh Gay Pride convention?

Mario: You do "You look like a" comments too huh? Well you know what? You look like a psychotic fugly degenerate mental patient who doesn't even know how to put his own god damn straight jacket on right. You're parents we're probably too poor afford bath tub water to drown you in, so instead, they discarded you into a haunted forest after they found out how much of a pathetic ugly loser you are. You also probably hide under that semen blanket cause of your creme brulee looking acne problem you ugly holocaust oven burnt victim looking autist!

?: Uhhh... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Goombella: Ugg... Here we go... I better do a tattle before this keeps up.

Goombella uses tattle on Doo- I mean, ?. Sorry, I almost let his name most of you already know slip out.

Goombella: This is... Well... to be quite honest, I have a picture of his tattle, but it doesn't seem to come with his name at all. It's 8 question marks, so I assume his name has 8 letters. So I'll just call him Douglass. He looks like a Douglass or something like that. Okay. So this is Douglass. He has a power level of 120 with an HP level of 40. So he seems to have the exact same stats as Atomic Boo so he shouldn't be too hard to beat. Also, I should note that he can transform himself into looking just like us. I guess that's all there is to know so I don't think he'll be too much harmful than that. Especially in comparison to Chompo Grubba.

Koops was busy seeing how long he can spin without falling to prevent the existence of the Roman Empire.

?: I CAN DO KNOW!?

Mario: I'm just gonna...

Mario preformed a double jump with the 2nd jump being a ground pound on the troll with no known name just yet. Oh shit. Potential spoiler! Not really: [6 Damage]

?: LOLOLOLOLOL! Uz liekz 2 hit me wit your $$ U GAY $$! I haven't lolled so hard since I took an arrow 2 da kneez! Get it! Cuz Skyrim exists!? Okay, now watch THIS!

Air Horn: HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Flurrie: OH YES! OOOOOOH YES YES YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS! SO MUCH FLURRIE CUM EVERYWHERE!

The annoying internet troll pulled the lever- I mean, button turning Goombella into a pig.

Mario: DAMNIT!

?: LOLOLOLOLOL! NOW SHES PIGBELLA!

[TURN 2]

Mario: God damnit! Koops, you're up...

Koops was busy laying on the ground after spinning from the dizziness of spinning around too much. You've all done that before at some point in your lives, right? Good. So I'm not crazy?

Koops: BLERG!

Koops puked a little bit on his face.

Koops: I'm a woodpecker guys.

Mario: Useless dipfuck... FLURRIE! JOIN!

Flurrie: Yessir!

Mario traded in Flurrie

?: Wanna see what's underz my blanket!?

Mario: No.

? lifted a his blanket up half way unveiling his greenish greyish brownish wrinkled troll body under-torso wearing a pink bikini.

?: Uz got TROLOLOLLED!

Mario: No. Actually, you kind of trolled yourself there dude.

Flurrie then attacked ? with a painful grand slam Denny's boob joke attack smacking his ever loving shit: [5 Damage]

?: L0Lz Timez 4 anotha 1 of u 2 turn N2 a GAYpig!

The creature with the question mark for his username turned Flurrie into a pig! ... a literal 1!

Pig Flurrie pigasmed out her wet pig pussy. Talk about fan service for beastiality lovers huh!

Mario: SHIT!

?: L0LZ! I IZ FTW!

Mario: THAT WASN'T EVEN A REAL SENTENCE, RETARD!

[TURN 3]

Mario: Yoshi!

Yoshi: FUCK DAT SHIT! I AIN'T TURNIN INTO NO GODDAMN PIG!

Mario: DO IT! He'll probably turn you into a pig anyway despite if you're tagged in or not.

Yoshi: DAMN NIGGA! WHY YOU GOTTA BE GIVIN HIM IDEAS AND SHIT! AIGHT! FINE!

Yoshi used a 5x ground pound attack on the BR00TLELOLCOWXD: [6 Damage]

?: IMMA FIRIN MAH PIG SPELL!

? turned Yoshi into a pig as well with the power of the air horn machine.

Mario: FUCK! Now I'm all out of useful partners!

Koops was still laying down gargling his puke to summon the great Chalupa in the sky.

[TURN 4]

Mario: Alright... Fffffffffcuck.

?: LOL! U N00BZILLA! WATCHU GONA D0z WIT N0 PARTNERz BRAH!?

Mario: SOMETHING CLEVER!

Mario used his hammer throw badge to threw a wooden hammer so hard at the Air Horn machine through the wall, that it exploded causing every single person who has been impacted by the shitty spell to turn them all back to normal.

Goombella: YES!

Flurrie: Aww... Flurrie isn't a pig anymore...

Koops: ZOMBIES!

Yoshi: YEI! BITCH AINT BE TURNIN MY ASS INTO A GODDAMN PIG NO MORE!

Koops: _IN YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD! IN YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEAD! ZAHHAMBIES! ZAHHAMBIES! ZAHHAMBIES! ZAHHAMBIES! _

Mario: Damnit Koops! Stop singing Cranberries!

_Battle Music: Chemical Warfare by Slayer_

?: WHAT!? MY... U... Uz DESTROYEDz MY AIR HORNz!

Yoshi: MAN GONZALES! YOU BETTER NOT PUT MY ASS IN DAT PIG POSITION EVER AGAIN MOTHA FUCKA OR I'LL PERSONALLY WHOOP YO ASS!

Mario: You couldn't "whoop my ass" if you tried, bitch. Speaking of whooping ass, you know what to do.

Yoshi: Oh yei.

Yoshi performed another quintuple ground pound attack on the shitty troll: [6 Damage]

Suddenly, the Star of **Lust** popped out of the busted Air Horn machine and landed on the laptop smashing it.

?: MY LAPTOP!

Goombella: LOOK! THE STAR!

Mario: Ha! Holy shit. I honestly forgot that was why we were here in the 1st place.

?: U N00BIXCUBES! BACK OFF MY STAR OF **LUST**! It's what I use to hurt people by thinking of horny thoughts with! Watch this!

? held up the Star of **Lust **like how Mario's done it.

?: MMMMMM YEAH! I'M THINKING ABOUT CREAM THE RABBIT FARTING INTO MY MOUTH AS WE SPEAK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I IZ H0RNY!

The star started glowing and he started levitating in the air and started circling around the team doing a move known as "Art Attack". Which is not actually 1 of my usual distasteful jokes this time, but 1 from the ACTUAL GAME ITSELF! Just incase you're too stupid to figure out that Art Attack is derived from the term 'Heart Attack' which can distastefully reference the deth and tragedy of loved 1s! Who am I kidding. I'm pulling this all out of my ass! You know, as you can tell, I'm not good at pretending to be sensitive. #niggerkikewopholocaust9/11AIDSAfricaabortionrapeISISFurgasnspikcancerfaggotSchoolShootingsSuicideBillCosbyBruceJennerBlacklivesmatterFEMA. There. all out of my system... For now... Oh fuck. I forgot about the battle. The star drew a rainbowey circle around Team M 3 times cutting them up everywhere: [9 Damage]

Koops: HAHAHAHHA! THAT TICKLES, BILL NYE!

Goombella: HEY! YOU CAN'T ATTACK ALL OF US WHEN WE'RE OFF THE STAGE!

?: JUST DIDz SLUT! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Mario: WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS GUY GET SP FROM!?

?: I GOT IT IRONICALLYz!

Mario: WHAT!?

?: PHAIL PLUMBER IZ PHAIL!

Mario: … It pains me how much I can't wait to kill you right now.

[TURN 5]

?: LOLz! DID Uz KNOW THAT GIRL FARTS HAVE A HIGHER DOSAGE OF HYDROGEN SULFIDE!? THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL WORSE THAN GUY FARTS! ISNT THAT HAWT!

Mario: THAT'S IT! YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! I'M USING 1 OF MY STARS NOW!

Mario raises up the Star or **Wrath** for a course of action.

Mario: I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU CLUSTER CUCK I HOPE YOU FUCKING KILL YOURSELF IN A FUNNY WAY!

The Star started glowing and growing as if I haven't made that joke 4 or 6 times in the series by now.

Mario: JUMP ON, RETARDS!

Mario and the rest of Team M hopped on the star.

Goombella: Won't this destroy the steeple?

Mario: WHO CARES!

They jumped on as the Star of **Wrath** to grew into the size of your fat fucking mom and nearly destroyed the steeple... but didn't. But at least it did this much damage: [6 Damage]

?: LOLz! Uz star was weaker than mine you FGT!

Yoshi did another ground pound attack on question mark man and did usual: [6 Damage] Which totally didn't make Mario's star attack look pathetic as all shit.

Goombella: Say, how come you never use the Star of **Envy** anymore?

Mario: It's really hard to coordinate. Don't you realize how close we we're to being the 1s frozen in time back when I used it? Plus it's hard for me to feel envious anyway.

?: WHAT A L0LACAUST! TIME 4 MII 2 DU A MOVE Iz beenz waitingz to d00z. Check it!

The troll man's red eyes from his troll disguise blanket glew causing him to majically transform into a purple shadow version of Mario.

?: How do u liek mii now brahzkeez? I iz u nowz! I have Uz haxxorz and now I can do all of Ur moves now N00bzers!

[TURN 6]

Mario: Oh yeah!? We'll let's see if you can copy this!?

Mario ripped off his mustache and transformed it into a Big Metal Boomerang yet to perform another Super Mario Boomerang attack.

Mario: SUPAH MARIO, BOOMERANG!

Mario chucked his mustache boomerang at the bizarre troll.

?: I CAN COPY THIS, N00B!

? mimicked the Super Mario Boomerang attack causing the 2 boomerangs to clash together causing electricity to spark out of the 2 clashing moves.

Mario: Shit! He's got 1 of my best moves matched!

?: LOLOLOL! NICE TRY U N00BIZZMAL FGT!

Goombella: DId he just skip over Yoshi's turn?

Yoshi: Oh yei! I almost forgot!

Yoshi was about to perform yet ANOTHER ground pound attack when suddenly,

? countered Yoshi by punching him in the Yoshi Eggs… I mean, balls: [-1 Damage]

Yoshi: AWW SHIT DAT HUR- BLEEEEEERG!

Goombella: Did he just punch an infant in the testicles? What a dick...

?: I CAN EVEN COPY THE COUNTERS 2! JUST LIKE MARIO, U NGRFGT!

[TURN 7]

Mario suddenly bursted out of nowhere during the boomerang blitzbash when ? least expected it.

Mario: FINISHING MOVE!

Mario used his Power Smash badge making metal spikes come out of his hammer.

Mario: SUPAH MARIO, HAMMER TO THE FACE!

?: LoonaticsUnleashedIsMyFavoriteShow!

Mario preformed the attack successfully knocking him the fuck out winning the battle 1ce and for all!: [6 Damage]

**[END OF B0SS BATTLEz]**

Yoshi: _AWW YEI! AWW YEI! WE DID IT! WE DID IT!_ DAT SHITS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT NIGGA!

Mario: Yeah guyz. Now all we needz to do iz grabz the star and WII R OTTA HEER!

Mario grabbed the Star of **Lust **from the unconscious purple shadow Mario looking thing.

Goombella: What the? Why are you talking like ? ?

Mario: Sorry. Itz was a little contagiousez that's all. Now come on! NOW WE CAN PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Koops: WEEEEEE!

Mario: Come on! Let's go celebrate N00Bs! I mean... Retards!

Flurrie: It sure is a shame that we didn't find a new sexy partner this chapture...

Goombella: Ehh... I don't see that happening this time.

Yoshi: Yei, fuck dat shit in a asshole!

Koops: I have a boner guys!

Team M: SHUT UP KOOPS!

_Ending theme: Bruce Falcorner._

So now, Team M has beat the boss and left the building and into yet another party as always. The town is restored, and every1 is totally 100% back to normal with their normal bodies and with no full blown confusion whatsoever! Every1 important is happy and every1 won in this chapture! Now, Team M is going to party their asses off as they are now totally a Team of 4 Stars now! So now, they're done for the chapture and you won't hear from them till the next chapture I release in a few months. What other adventures awaits this tardtastic team? Well why don't you stay tuned for the next exciting episode, of SUPER MARIO, AND THE 1000 YEAR DRAMA!

-To be Continued

Credits:

Credit Music: Expose Yourself to kids by GG Allin

Creator: IAMMASTER!

Based on a True Game

T

H

E

E

N

D

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

Okay, so in all seriousness now, you don't really think the chapture would be over with all this space left over right? Well congrats if you're reading this, because you're not nearly as completely retarded as I thought you were. Although that's not saying much is it. Alright! Now to TRULY start resolving this chapture 1ce and for all. This might take a few sub-chaptures though! Now let's get started… AGAIN!

**Chapture 5 - 11: Hand me the glorious SuperBongBong!**

If you think I'm starting this off with what's going on with Team M, well guess what? You are ded wrong! And I totally spell checked the shit out of that too! Have you all forgotten about that shit I was developing with the Shadow Sirens during this chapture!? We're starting off with that shit!

Oh yeah. Almost forgot,

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 12:19 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

**[Twliight Town]**

So as you know, all of the townspeople are back into their normal sack like bodies. Minus the beheaded 1s of course cause you know, they're fucking DED! But we're talking about other characters right now! And so, the 3 Shadow Sirens emerged from the ground up in the middle of the town to discuss business of how to do away with Team M 1ce and for all! Also, the townspeople did not pay attention to them in any way for whatever reason. They were just happy to be sack people again and shit.

Beldam: Mwee hee hee hee hee... Yehe-he-he-he-he-he-he-hessssssss-s-s-s-sssss... This time we'll surely be the end of the line for that wretched T-t-t-t-t-t-team M now won't we?

Beldam took an injection of heroin straight into her shriveled veins.

Beldam: With our n-n-n-n-n-n-newest invention built by the X-Naut sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-scientists, there's no way in Greek Mythology we can f-f-f-f-f-fail now!

Marilyn was busy eating a crow alive head 1st with it's wings flapping everywhere outside of her mouth. After swallowing it, she had feathers all over her gross shadow face.

Marilyn: _Guh Guhguhguuuuuh!_

Vivian was anxiously trying to tune everything out by listening to a catchy Ramones song that's been stuck in her head due to her series of stressful punishments.

Beldam just finished sniffing some glue just now.

Beldam: Now Vivian,

Vivian was still distracted.

Beldam: TODAY VIVIAN!

Vivian: Oh uhh... what? Sorry...

Beldam jabbed her finger in Vivian's face.

Beldam: SORRY NEVER CUTS IT! NOW L-L-LISTEN UP!

Marilyn was trying to eat 1 of the town's people.

Beldam: What I want you to do is, hand me that glorious SuperBongBong I gave to you!

Vivian: What? SuperBongBong? ... Uhh... I hate asking this, but what's that again?

Beldam pulled Vivian's hair with her grimey heroin teeth.

Vivian: OWW!

Beldam: DON'T YOU DARE PLAY DUMB WITH ME YOU STUPID HARLETTBITCH!

Vivian: No really! I honestly have no idea what you mean!

Beldam: So that would mean you are confirming that you WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THE PLAN YOU ADHDSLUT! F-f-f-fine... I'll reExplain it to you're stupid BOY ears.

Beldam pulled out a marker for the sole purpose of sniffing it. And nothing more.

Beldam: The SuperBongBong is a d-d-d-d-d-d-device that we are going to use to get really high before Team M arrives! We'll get higher than a n-n-n-n-nnormal bong could get us! We'll get a majical kind of high that will turn us into super powerful dedly blood thirsty steroid v-v-v-v-v-versions of ourselves that will slaughter those pesky fools! MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Beldam huffed a crazy amount of tar oil from a paper bag.

Beldam smacked Vivian in the face is usual.

Beldam: YOU LOLLYCONNING WORM! HOW D-D-D-DARE YOU BACK TALK TO YOUR SUPERIOR!

Vivian: But sis… I didn't say anyth-

Beldam punched Vivian 2ice in the fucking face and kicked her on the ground with her tail leg thing causing Vivian to fall down.

Beldam: I AM NOT F-F-F-FCUCKING KIDDING AROUND, YOU AUTIST! YOU LIE, YOU TALK BACK TO ME, YOU DON'T EVEN LISTEN! MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE LET GRODUS KILL YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING SHADOW ASS!

Vivian: Sniff... sis.

Beldam: YOU ARE NO SISTER OF MINE! You're a lousy abomination and an insult to this planet! I needed you for 1 THING! AND YOU F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FUCKED IT ALL UP BY LOSING OUR G-G-G-G-G-GLORIOUS SUPERBONGBONG! ... You really are useless... You're not even good enough as a pair of arms if you can't even pay attention and lose shit all the time.

Vivian: I swear! You never g-

Beldam picked Vivian up by her hair.

Beldam: I NEVER WHAT!? TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PLANS!? I NEVER GAVE YOU THE SUPERBONGBONG!? THAT'S A LOAD OF SHIT AND YOU KN-KN-KN-KNOW IT! JUST LIKE YOU, YOU FRACTION WITTED MORON!

1 of the sack people walked up to the drama.

Freddy: Is there a problem here?

Beldam: NO! FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Freddy: Uhh... How bout we compromise and I just fuck off then...

Freddy fucked off and went back to his house to watch the drama.

Vivian: Beldam...

Beldam: YOU LOST THE SUPERBONGBONG! DEAL IT THAT!

Beldam tossed Vivian back on the ground.

Marilyn just ate a tree in 1 gulp.

Beldam: Liston, you, mean, NOTHING! TO ME! YOU MAKE ME WANNA SMOKE! *lights up cigarette* You are not even important enough to be a useless filthy CUNT!

Vivian on the ground curled up, and started crying her eyes out. Assuming she has eyes.

Vivian: But... you just called me a-

Beldam: You are an idiot CUNT *kicks Vivian on the ground* and nothing more! *continues kicking her in the face* I'LL SAY IT AGAIN! YOU'RE A CUNT! CUNT CUNT CUUUUNT! NOW! Unless you don't wanna make your life easier and kill yourself now, Marilyn and I are gonna take a well-earned s-s-s-s-ss-s-ssiesta. What's a siesta you wonder? A NAP! I MEANS "NAP" YOU RETARD-CUNT! And what I want you to do, is FIND the Superbongbong that YOU lost and NOT ME! When we get back, you will have it for m-m-mm-m-m-m-mmm-m-me. Cause if you don't, you understand what the consequence will be right?

Vivian: p...p...punish-

Beldam: LOUDER!

Vivian: ... punishmen-

Beldam: SPEAK, LOUDER!

Beldam elbow dropped Vivian on the back.

Vivian: PUNISHMENT! PUNISHMENT! PUNISHMENT! PUNISHMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT!

Beldam: WRONG! *burns out cigarette on Vivian's left cheek* Not just punishment, ETERNAL PUNISHMENT! Meaning if you fail this task, you will die. Forever! I promise. I'll even spare Grodus he trouble and kill you myself! This is your last chance. Do not f-f-fuck this up. UNDERSTAND CUNT!?

Vivian: ... mmmhmmm... Yes.

Beldam: COME ON MARILYN! IT'S NAP TIME!

Marilyn was seen eating a giant metal burger structure used as an ornament to hang on the top of a burger joint named Epic Burger thinking it was a real burger. Didn't Homer Simpson do something like that 1ce?

Beldam: MARILYN!

Marilyn: GUUUUH!

Beldam and Marilyn vanished into the ground as Vivian was left to look for the Superbongbong on her own.

Vivian: It's not fair... I'm actually gonna die soon if I don't find this thing that I've never even SEEN before... ... I just... just wish some1 could step in and stop this all from happening... *sniff*...

Freddy was seen still looking out his window staring at the troubled Shadow girl not really planning on helping. I think he just likes to watch people. Maybe he just has a kink for watching girls crying. Or maybe he's waiting for her to fall asleep so he can appear in her dreams. Oh wait, i'm thinking of a different Freddy.

**Chapture 5 - 12: Shadowyer Mario**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 12:32 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

**[Creepy Steeple]**

At last, ? just woke up after that badass defeat from Mario and his strange team mates.

?: Ugg... Where the fuck am I? I don't remember getting drunk last night...

? started looking around with that dull "just woke up"" feeling.

?: Where the fuck did everybody go?

?: ….Wait... why are my arms... purple? Maybe i'm just on an acid trip for all I know.

? Started looking at himself into the mirror to observe his purpleness.

?: What the? MY ENTIRE BODY IS FUCKING PURPLE!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHILE I WAS OUT!? THIS DEFINITELY DOES NOT FEEL LIKE A DRUG TRIP! AND I KNOW 'DRUG TRIP' BY THE WAY!

?: D….DID THAT SON OF A BITCH STEAL MY BODY!? OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD DAMNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

? started smashing and tearing everything up in the creature's room with no respect for his property whatsoever. Then again, why should he respect him after stealing his name and body as if it wasn't obvious already.

?: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD DAMNIT FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK A CUCK BITCH CUNT FUCK COCK ASS FUCK! THIS IS BULLSHIT! BULLSUCKING SHIT!

?: Hmm...

The shadow man looked around and noticed he still had all of his items from his inventory despite any logical sense being made whatsoever. He still had the 1st 3 stars, the majical map, his badges, his hammer, shoes, item box, hell even Goombella fucking tattle log book!

?: Well, minus the 4th star, name, body, and crew, I still have everything else for some reason even though that makes ABSOLUTELY NO GODDAMN SENSE! I EVEN STILL HAVE MY VOICE!

?: You know what? Fuck it. He stole my body, so now I'm gonna steal some of his shit.

? looked in ?'s mini fridge and found a bottle of Eagle Rare Whiskey.

?: ZINGO! Alright... Maybe I'll steal 1 more thing to "kind of" satisfy me after all this BULLSHIT!

? grabbed ?'s fancy computer chair for no reason as well as the whiskey.

?: Mwahahahhahahahahaaaa... That'll show him…. I'll show all of him!

**[Twilight Trail]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 12:43 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

_Drunk Music: Garbage Dump by Charles Manson_

? was walking back to Twilight Town sulking and drinking the whiskey straight out of the bottle like the depressed drunk he is. Yes, he was still dragging ?'s chair on the ground while he was drinking and walking clumsily through the forest. He kept slightly running into trees to keep his balance at times. All and all, it's similar to that scene from The Jerk if you've seen that movie.

?: Captain's log... star date... May 23rd 2004. THE WORST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!

?: SNIFF SNIFF... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I LOST... EVERYTHING! I LOST MY ... MY BODY, MY NAME, I LOST EVERY1, I EVEN LOST MY NINTENDO CAREER!... I THINK. I'M NOT A BUM! I'M A JERK! A SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD JERK! I EVEN LOST MY TOLERANCE TO ALCOHOL I'M SO DRUNK! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I HATE THIS! I HATE MY LIFE! *bites off part of a tree* MAYBE... MAYBE I SHOULD JUST... KILL MYSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF!

?: NO! I should... KILL EVERY1! THAT'S IT! LET'S BURN DOWN TWILIGHT TOWN FOR MAKING ME GO ON THIS ADVENTURE WHEREE I LOST MY BODYYYYYYY! Wait... did I just say "LETS?" I MEAN "ME" GET IT!? CAUSE IM LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONLYYYYYYYY!1 BUT LIKE IT OR NOT, I'M GONNA SHOW THOSE TWILIGHT TWATS AND THING OR 2 OF MY MIND! AND THE EVERY THAT MADE ME DO THIS! ITS NOT FAIR ITS NOT FUCKING FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR! NOT FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! At least I have this chair... and this... EMPTY BOTTLE I JUST FINISHED! WHY!? WHY IS THE BOTTLE SO FUCKING EMPTY!? MAYBE I CAN MAKE MYSELF KIND OF HAPPY IF I FIGURE OUT... HOW TO... FUCK A BOTTLE!

As Mar- I mean... ? figured out how to undo his drunk pants, a duo of Dayzee's showed up, 1 of them being the Crazy Dayzee that ran away 4 sub chaptures ago, and 1 of them was a shiny 1. And no, I'm not talking about shiny versions of Pokemon cause this is A FUCKING MARIO STORY!

Crazy Dayzee 2: Look look Master! That's the mean old man who killed my brother and 40 year olds that were going to molest me! And he's purple now! Tee Hee. I know cause I can see into his soul!

Amazy Dayzee (Age 13): Oooooh is that so... Well in that case, I, the master of the Dayzees knows how to handle mean old men.

?: Oh cool. Retarded victims I can take my drunk rage out on! ARIGHT! LET's *BURP* GET WITH THIS SHIT OVER WITH!

Mario thrusted his body unveiling his wicked mario boner. No whiskey dick for this guy!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

?: Power Level 3/90

V.S.

Crazy Dayzee 2: Power Level 11

Amazy Dayzee: Power Level 330

_Battle Music: Fucked with a knife by Cannibal Corpse_

[TURN 1]

Amazy Dayzee: Don't count on winning mister! My power level usurps yours by 110 fold!

?: Oh wait... You thought I wanted to fight? HAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA! No... FUCK THAT! I'M GONNA RAPE YOU!

Crazy Dayzee 2: NO WAY! IS HE FOR REALZEEZ!?

Amazy Dayzee: No. He's bluffing. There's no way you can do that during a [BATTLE MODE!]

?: LOOK AT ME IN THE PENIS AND TELL ME I'M WRONG! I'M WAY TO SHIT PISSED TO GIVE A FUCKING CUNT ABOUT [BATTLE MODE] YOU COCK SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING TITS!

? impulsively killed Crazy Dayzee 2 by whacking his fragile 5 year old head with an empty bottle of Eagle Rare Whiskey: [8 Damage]

Amazy Dayzee: Uhh... wait, so that mean's it's my turn, right?

?: Heheheheheee... Guesss again you shiny faggot!

? unzipped his pants exposing his BPC (Big Purple Cock) and raised up his purple shadowy rape arms getting ready to de-flower the golden Dayzee with no consent as ? slowly walked towards him ominously.

Amazy Dayzee: Uhh...UUUHHH... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Amazy Dayzee ran off into the horror woods as he was being chased by Shadowyer Mario who forgot about the chair he was dragging.

**[END OF BATTLE MODE]**

?: GET BACK HERE! I'M GONNA RAPE YOU, YOU SHINY CUNT!

**[RAPE MODE]**

_Rape Music: Necropedophile by Cannibal Corpse_

As the poor shiny golden Dayzee ran through the terrifying dark woods, the shadow of the horny Italian drunk-tard was slowly but surely gaining on his trail.

Amazy Dayzee: PLEASE SIR! STOP! I JUST WANTED TO GET REVENGE ON YOU! THAT'S ALL!

?: EXACTLY! YOU STARTED THIS, AND NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE! WITH YOUR FLOWER!

The panicking Dayzee was running for dear life as he was slowly losing his breath and gradually running slower and slower by each step.

Amazy Dayzee: THIS ISN'T RIGHT! PLEASE! CAN'T *PANTING* CAN'T WE JUST TALK THIS OUT AND LET BYGONES BE BYGONES!?

?: NOPE! MY PENIS IS HUNGRY FOR YOUR BUTT! NOW GET OVER HERE!

Amazy Dayzee tripped on a root and fell and broke his foot. He was crying and shivering seeing his fate before his eyes.

Amazy Dayzee: P...PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS! THIS IS JUST WAY TOO DARK FOR THIS STORY! THINK ABOUT YOUR REPUTATION AS A MAIN CHARACTER!

?: BITCH! I STOPPED GIVING A FUCK ABOUT THAT LONG AGO! AND GUESS WHAT!?

Amazy Dayzee: What...?

?: IT'S RAPE TIIIIIIIIMME!

? pinned Amazy Dayzee down on his stomach, ? huffed a can of aerosol, and spat into his hand to rub his spit on his Shadowy dick as lubricate and began penetrating the shiny flower creature.

Amazy Dayzee: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1

?: I HOPE YOU LIKE HALLOWEEN! CAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A TRICK AND A TREAT ROLLED INTO A JUICY COCK IN YOUR ASS!

? progressed the speed of his fiction as he was fucking the shit out of the paralyzed flower creature for about 15 cold bloody minutes of relentless non consensual fucking. The poor Amazy Dayzee was so tight down there, that he started to rip and bled all of his shiny butt blood to deth. On the bright side though, Shadowyer Mario did level up since Amazy Dayzees contain a high dosage of XP. He leveled up to 13 raising his HP up to 35 and his power level up to 105 finally being in the triple digits. I wonder why the Dayzee didn't fight back? Who knows. Keep in mind that these Dayzees are perverted psychopaths on their own terms so it's not so bad on ?'s reputation to rape demon flower kids to deth. If you didn't stop reading after the Gus scenes, you'll be fine. Hell, It's not even his own fucking body or name doing it, so it's A OKAY!

**[END OF RAPE MODE]**

After that horribly traumatizing scene that probably pissed some of you off, ? made it to the shed area in which he found a key a while ago, and is now almost close to Twilight Town.

?: Yes... Almost here, 1ce when I arrive to the shitty pig town, I will exact my confusing revenge 1ce and for-

Mario: SUP N00BAPHILE!

?: WHAT THE FUCK!? IS THAT YOU!? SHOW YOURSELF!

The "Totally Real" Mario somehow ripped a hole through the sky and popped out of that very hole and landed safely. The troll who was obviously in Mario's body who was hunched over for he did not fully master how to operate Mario's muscles just yet.

Mario: CHECKz IT 0UTz! I TOTAL-LY HAXXXXXXORZZZZ Uz! I HAXXED UR BODY ACCOUNTz! THAT'z RIGHT! I'M FUCKING MARIO N0WZERS! LOLOLOLOLOL! I GETTA BE FAMIS, DRINKz, PARTYz, AND FUCKz WHATEVER I WANTz! I GETz TO GO ON ADVENTUREz WHERE I SAVEz PRINCESS PEACH AND FIGHT TehBOWZER! I'M ALSO BROTHERS WITH WEEGEE! BEST OF ALL, I CAN FITz SO'z MANY THING'S IN UR GAYASS LIKE FORKS, AND CHEESE, AND GLASS IN UR ASS! U SO GOT TR0LLED BRAH! LOLOLOOOLOLOLOL!

?: YOU! YOU'RE THE FAGGOT TROLL I FOUGHT JUST AN HOUR AGO! YOU STOLE MY FUCKING BODY, AND NOW I'M GONNA BEAT IT AAAAAAAAAAALLLL OTTA YOU UNTIL YOU SURRENDER IT TO ME!

Mario: N UR DREEMZ FGT! IM MARIO! AND NO 1 WILL BELIEVE U CU DARK NGR! PLUS I HAVE UR SOCIAL SECURITY, ID, PASSPORT, EXPIRED COIN CARD, AND ALL THAT SHIT, N00B! BTW, Whn u performed tht OBVIOUS finishing move on miiz, all I hadz to doz waz chant a spell I thought of tht no 1 would ever think to say. Remember me chanting "LoonaticsUnleashedIsMyFavoriteShow!?" Of course Uz don't! REETARD!

?: Oh. Well in that case, LoonaticsUnleashedIsMyFavoriteShow! HA!

Mario: LOLOLOLOL! N00000000000000B, THATz NOTz HOWz ITz WORKz! THERE'z A MUCH MORE CONFUSING PROCESS 2 UNDO TEH SPELL THAN YOUR FEEBLE BRAIN CAN WRAP UR MIND AROUND! U HAVE TO FIGUREZ OUT THE PASSWORD 2 UR BODY AND I MADE IT IMPOSSIBLEZ SO I CAN BE SUPER MARIO FOREVER! TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

?: OH MY GOD! WILL YOU SHUT THE UPPING FUCK AND GIVE ME MY DISGUSTING BODY BACK!?

Mario: Not a chance brah. I'll tellz youz whatz. I'll give u 1 chance to figure out my irl name behind my user name. Go aheadz. I'm curious to hear what Ur blowjob mouth has to say.

?: Alright. Here's my 8 letter guess, 'FUCKYOU!' You think you're fucking cute or something? You look like a... You look like a ... fat... smelly... old... retarded...retard... FUCK! I NEVER PREPARED TO DO A "YOU LOOK LIKE A" COMMENT TO MYSELF EVER!

Mario: Cool sotry brah. U look like Grimace from teh Mcdonald's commercials who auto errotic asphyxiated himself so hard, that his entire bodyz became purple all overz!

?: YOU SON OF A-

**[RE-BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

?: Power Level 105

V.S.

Mario: Power Level 120

FP: 15

_Battle Music: Hole in the Sky by Black Sabbath_

[TURN 1]

? used a hammer attack on Mario the went right through him instead like an actual shadow and not that watery crap from Super Mario Sunshine Shadow Mario neither. A real shadow.

Mario: Oh ya. 1 more thing I forgot to mention, the shadow body I gave U cant hurt Ur actual body! Ur moves just simply go right thru me like a shadow, brah! Even if U can lift, Uz fucked, U FGT N00B!

Mario: But I can still hurtz u!

Mario used his hammer attack on ? doing the usual [4 Damage]

[TURN 2]

?: Wait a sec, I just realized something... WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY PARTNERS!?

Mario: Dnt worry, thr having a g00d time. I promise thr safe somewere. Somewere ull never find out about.

?: AAAAAAAHHHH! I'M GONNA FUCKING RAPE YOU SO HARD FOR THIS!

? uses piercing blow which still went through him.

?: OH COME ON!

Mario: Got lag bro?

Mario does another hammer attack: [4 Damage]

Mario: U dun bro?

[TURN 3]

?: I'm gonna try jumping now.

? attempted to jump on the hacked Mario, but went through and fell on his fucking face instead.

Mario: lol Really brah?

?: THIS BULLSHIT MAKES NO SENSE! THIS IS TERRIBLE STORY LOGIC EVEN FOR THIS GAME! AND I WILL DESTROY U!

Mario: Calm down brah. Itz not even Ur turnz yet.

Mario preformed a jump to mimic Question Mark Mario's move for the sake of being a dick. ? countered which did absolutely nothing.

?: BULL, SHIT!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Why dontz u go listen to Linkin Park and give up and cut Urself FGT!

? held up the Star of **Wrath**.

?: THIS BETTER WORK!

?: I HOPE YOU DIE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Mario: Umad? l0l, U s0 mad u n33dz to calm down brah.

?: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Star of **Wrath** grew into the size of holy hell as ? hopped on and did: [0 Damage]

?: OH COME THE FUCK ON ALREADY!

Mario: Nowz 4 my star move!

Mario held up the Star of **Lust**.

Mario: MMMMM! I'M GONNA THINK ABOUT ROUGE THE BAT WEARING NOTHIGN BUT A POOPY MLP DIAPER! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOO H0RNAY!

The Star of **Lust** started floating and circling rainbowey circles around ? 6 times shattering parts of his skin doing a horrific: [18 Damage]

[TURN 5]

?:... *sigh* ... yep... yep... hyep... mmmhm...

For the 1st time ever, ? evacuated the battle and ran off into the direction of Twilight Town.

**[END OF RE-BOSS BATTLE]**

Mario: LOLz! Uz A RAGER!

Meanwhile as Mario went inside the shed,

Mario: SUP HOMEYS! READY TO PARTAY!?

Yoshi: Hell yeah! I just finished Dragon Ball Episode 8 too, motha fucka!

Goombella: Yeah, but what are we doing in this shed when we normally celebrate with towns people or something?

Yoshi: Yei. What up with that G?

Mario: Oh, you know, I just thoughts we'z hang hear, cause u know, fuck those twatlight sack goblin weirdos, nothing beats partying in a shady wooden trap house shed! Right guys!?

Flurrie: It's such a lovly deviant shed for many deviant activities.

Goombella: Yeah, I guess that seems like something we'd do. Have any of you seen my tattlelog book? It's been driving me CRAZY looking for it!

Flurrie: I wish I can help you my sexy Goomba, but even deep in the folds of my fat, I can't find it. Or my butt.

Koops: Maybe you left it back in the steeple or something?

Goombella: I hope so. Yeah, you seem like you sobered up a bit Koops.

Koops: Yeah I did. Sorry I was being weird today. I just wish I could find some pants or underwear to put on or something. Like, gee wizz, what actually happened while I was tripping? Cause like, I can't remember what really happened not since 5 - 8 started.

Yoshi: Man, you like, kept sayin shit like, "I control the omniverse" n' shit. Then you ran off for a while. So we like, had to find yo ass and when we did, you crapped yoself, then you ditched your shit ass pants and I wiped yo ass with some of dat poison ivy. It was an accident though, nigga. Also, you kept callin yo ass "the lizard king."

Flurrie: It was a lovely experience for Flurrie to witness… And very tasty chocolate coated poison ivy leaves.

Koops: Aww man... No wonder why it hurts so much to sit down. My tushy must be all infected and shit, huh?

Goombella: So out of curiousity, what was the experience like? Just overall I mean.

Koops: Wow... That's alot to take in at 1ce. I definitely shouldn't have done all that before going to a haunted forest I guess, lol. I was hangin with Kirby in Dreamland, I fought That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle, i fell into a real twilight zone, I even met Dixie Kong. But none of that was real so I don't know. Over all, it was just alot of crazy vibey undescribable shit all at 1ce. I'm just glad it's over and that i'm still alive.

Mario: O yaz, I 0vr hrrrd u just now and what uz was sayin, Dixie Kong is real.

Koops: Huh?

Mario: Yeah! She's my drug dealer! I think she's here now!

Dixie Kong: Hey Doo- I mean, "MARIO!" hehe! I got your quad ready. Do you have the 90 coins bitch?

Mario: Bitch, Uz know I got Uz 90 if U got mah quad bitch! I swear, uz be uppidy uppin dos pricez n' shit!

Dixie Kong and Mario traded coins for weed, and now, Team M with the fake leader now have dank ol' weed to smoke.

Yoshi: Maaaan, you can't talk like a real nigga with that annoying troll voice, bitch!

Koops: NO WAY! SHE'S REAL!?

Dixie Kong: Yeah, I'm real. I was collecting some weed for your leader to trade with me!

Mario: That's right, and now we'z gonna get high AF ngrz! Also, I notice Uz all b fatigued frm [BATTLE MODEz] Y'ALL FINALLYz GONNA TRY S0M SHROOMS TO HEAL AND CELEBRATE!

Goombella: IT'S ABOUT TIME U LET US HAVE SOME! Also, when is that voice contagiousness from Douglass gonna wear off?

Mario: When ever Iz Feelz liekz itz! NOW LETS GETz HIGH AF!

**Chapture 5 - 13: Inferiority Complex**

**[Twilight Town]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 1:33 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

?: Alright, here I am! TIME TO BURN THIS PLACE THE FUCK DOWN!

Gate Faggot Guard: Hey sir! Did you hear? Mario defeated the creature and now we're all back to normal! He's a real hero isn't he? I think even though the troll is ded I think, I think i'm gonna stay as a gate guard so I can get payed to play with my sack balls all d-

?: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

? decked Gate Faggot Guard in the face knocking him out.

Sack Mom: How do you do fine shadowy traveler? We'll it seems my kids and I are safe now since the pig spell has been reversed. That Mario is some man, huh? With his overalls, and pedophile mustache, and gritty 5 0 Clock Shadow! You want something to eat? Perhaps maybe a-

?: FUCK YOU, CUNT!

? also decked Sack Mom in the face.

?: *heavily panting* Now to see what I can buy in the shop to start a fire with... Maybe some gasoline… and a lighter! Heheheh FIRE! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!

**[Twilight Sparkles]**

? entered the town shop; Twilight Sparkles buying himself a stop time watch, and a super lightning blotto.

[Inventory: 1 Life Shrooms,1 Harry Potter Cloak, 1 Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vadgelly Juice, 1 Super Shrooms, 1 Ultra Shrooms, 1 Earth LSD, 1 Stop Time Watch, and 1 Lightning Bong]

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Thank you for the purchase sir for you see, since the pig spell ended, I realized I was in a mix up cuz the pig that was here wasn't my husband at all. This guy instead is much hotter and looks like he can makes more money than my husband, ... Also sex is better with him too.

New Husband (Age 27): True that.

?: And thank you for the fine purchases madame, but perhaps do you have lighter fluid and some matches? I simply wish to partake in the dubious act of arson upon your town for you see, my body has been stolen from me and am indeed pissed and have issues of misplacing rage. So can you help a poor gentlemen on his journey of destroying your livelihood-

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, ASSHOLE!

?: FINE! FUCK ALL Y'ALL!

? drilled a hole through the wall with his shadow hammer and left the shop.

**[Twilight Town]**

?: HERE'S A TIP FOR YOU! THE TIP OF MY HAMMER THIS TIME!

? did a quake hammer attack that obliterated the shop and killed the Shopkeeper and her new Husband.

?: GOD DAMNIT IF I DON'T FIND SOME FIRE SOON, I'M GONNA-

? suddenly notice the young 1000 year old Vivian crying while still looking in the bushes for that thing she'll die if she doesn't find.

Vivian: Sniff...sniff...

?: Hey! It's that shadow bitch trying to bann porno! ... According to Goombella. Sweet! I getta burn a witch too!

Vivian: Sniff... Sniff... Sniff... It's not fair... It's all over for me... What'll I do? What'll I do? Poor me...

?: HA! "Poor me" WHat a dumb line...

Vivian started covering her eyes as she was crying up a tear storm from her non exposed eyes. She every so often rubbed them.

Suddenly, ? got to thinking.

?: ... *sigh* I think... ... I better…. go do something to help...

? walked up to Vivian.

?: Alright, let's get this over with.

? dropped his pants which got Vivian's attention as he signaled her to suck his dick.

Vivian: Sniff...snifff... Sorry... I would, but...*sniff*... I'm having a HUGE problem right now... Trust me... You don't want any part of this.

?: OH, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!?

Vivian: Please... *sniff* just GO! For your own safety! PLEASE!

?: GOD DAMNIT ALL! IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! LOOKS LIKE I CAN'T EVEN GET CONSENSUALLY LAID WITH THIS SHITTY PURPLE BODY AFTER ALL! POOR ME! THAT'S IT! THERE'S ONLY 1 THING LEFT TO DO; KILL MYSELF! That will be the next best thing next to killing that fucking blanket! SO LONG WORLD!

? walked to the warp pipe and tried leaving down it. Unfortunately, ? is not in his Mario body which has an ass tattoo of his name on him. Therefor he cannot leave Twilight Town since there's no tattoo people nearby.

?: NOTHING IS WORKING FOR ME! THAT'S IT! SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN 5, 4, 3, 2-

Vivian: Sniff... If only I can find that SuperBongBong thing Beldam wanted me to find...

?: Hold up hold up hold up... Super...bongbong? Elaborate please.

VIvian: PLEASE! Just... leave me alone! I promise you! You don't want any part of what's going on with me right now!

?: Have you been looking in that 1 bush for it the entire time? Have you even tried looking in any of the other 9 bushes here!?

Vivian emotionally fell on the bush face 1st crying while having a mild anxiety attack.

Vivian: WHY AM I ALWAYS CORNERED!? IF I DON'T FIND THE SUPER BONG BONG... MY SISTER IS GONNA ACTUALLY KILL MEEE!

?: Hmmm...this "superbongbong" must be SO super, they had to call it "Bong" 2ice... Say, shadow girl, it's a super bong bong you're looking for right? ... And you have weed!?

Vivian: mmmhmmm...

Vivian lightly nodded her head vertically in a "yes" motion while still laying on the bush face 1st.

?: SAY NO MORE! I'M ON IT!

? tried looking really hard to find the super bong bong in various bushes and with some scavenging competence, ? found the green bong with the white skull on it in 1 of those 9 bushes Vivian didn't bother to check for the hour she spent checking.

?: HAZA! YURIKA! ZINGZANGZIBBIDYBOP! YARY! I FUCKING FOUND IT!

?: HEY RETARD! I FOUND IT!

Vivian: HUH!? OH MY GOD, YOU FOUND IT!?

?: THAT'LL BE 1 PETER-PUFF, PLEASE!

Vivian: WOW! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

?: Except I have to ask, why the FUCK is there a crack in the bong?

Vivian: A crack?

Vivian began to examine the bong closely...

Vivian: Wait... where's the crack?

?: It's right there. See it? It's kind of on the bottom. To the right of the skull.

Vivian: Oh, can you uhh... point to it for me?

?: Hold on.

Vivian: What?

?: Hold on. You have to kind of tilt it in some light to see it.

Vivian: Oh. Alright, like this?

?: No, a little more to the light.

Vivian: OH WAIT! THERE IT IS!

Vivian: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It... It is broken!

?: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1

? and Vivian: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

? and VIvian puked in the ground for different reasons regarding the bong.

Vivian: Oh shucks... It must have broke when Beldam dropped it I think. I know it wasn't me. You can trust me, right?

?: Uhhh... sure. Why not.

VIvian: Oh no... What do I do now? If I don't fix it, Oh man... I'm getting killed off! I just know it!

?: Hmmm... Let me see if I can fix it...

? started licking the crack to see if it would glue it together. Whos the retard now?

Vivian: Uhh... Not to be rude, but I don't think it works like that...

?: GIVE IT TIME GOD DAMNIT!

? suddenly got a sharp cut on the tip of his tongue from licking the crack on the glass.

?: OWW! DAMMIT ALL!

Vivian: Aww... You're so sweet... *blushes*. You know, even though I'm pretty much ded, I actually... I don't know... feel sort of... better now. Better than I have in DECADES! You're the nicest person I've met since... I don't know... I can't remember! It's been so long! WOW!

_Upbeat Music: Hybrid Moment by the Misfits_

?: I guess... good you for. At least 1 of us can be happy.

Vivian: Hey, come on! Don't be that way... hold on! Sorry... where are my manners hmmhmm... My name is-

?: Vivian! Yeah yeah... I already know.

Vivian: Wait what? Haha. How!?

?: Uhh... I'm 1 of those guys who knows people's names on instinct. IT'S A REAL THING! Trust me.

Vivian: Neat! So now I have to ask, what's your name?

In ?'s head: Wow. She really hasn't figured out who I am?... Ha. Fucking moron...

?: My name? You don't know who I am!? I'M FUCKING ?!

Vivian: Oh cool! It's nice to meet you ?!

?: NO! That's not my real name! It's ?!

Vivian: Im... confused... I thought you just said that...

?: Shit... ... Okay, so if you think you have problems, wait till you hear this. I got fucking cursed by this troll thing that stole my fucking name and body. So I guess part of this shitty curse is that I can't even say my name without saying "?" IT SUCKS! Wait, let me try writing it.

? pulled out a pen and wrote "Mario". When he showed it to Vivian, it read "?".

Vivian: A question mark?

?: DAMNIT! FUCK THIS CURSE!

Vivian: So you lost your name AND your body? We'll I guess that's understandable. It happens to the best of us here and there sometimes.

?: WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKING STUPID!? No it doesn't!

Vivian: Oh right... gee wizz... Mybad. I can be pretty stupid sometimes... all the time... *sigh*...

?: Well... at least you're actually aware of it. That put you at a step above most people I know in terms of smarts.

Vivian: Really? THANKS! That means alot to me!

?: Wait, are you being serious right now?

Vivian: So let me get this straight, you lost your body, name, and just about EVERYTHING!? Friends even!? and you still went out of your way to help me? THATS AMAZING!

Vivian was waving her arms in compulsive excitement.

?: Ummm... well... "helping you" is a bit out of context i'd say. I wanted to get-

Vivian: YOU NEED A FRIEND, NOW! ALRIGHT!? I'm sorry. It isn't like me to interject so rudely, but SERIOUSLY!

?: Uhhh...

Vivian: Imma joinin' your party!

?: No. Please don't. Seriously. No more teammates. I really didn't ask you to-

Vivian: Here we go!

Vivian has Joined Your Party!

?: GOD DAMNIT! AND SHE STEALS MY LINES TOO!

**[INITIATION MODE]**

?: God damnit. This isn't happening! She's not even a new character!

Vivian's Abilities: A Primer

?: Can some1 explain what the fuck "A Primer" means already?

Vivian can do all kinds of cool shit. Like punch enemies causing them to set on fire (which she could do in chapture 3, but never got a chance to). She can also grab ? into the her shadows under the ground in a non sexual way.

Vivian hugged ? from the back

Vivian: GOTCHA!

?: Uhh... Whatever you're gonna do, DON'T!

Vivian pulled ? underground into a shadow puddle.

?: FUUUUUUUU-

This ability hides ? and Vivian into a safe spot underground. Unfortunately, they can't teleport when she has ? with her. They can only stay still in the same spot.

?: THAT ABILITY IS FUCKING CREEPY! YOU'RE CREEPY!

Vivian: Oh. Sorry. I'll give you more warning next time. hehe.

?: I'm starting to wonder if you have fucking ears under that hat!

**[END OF INITIATION MODE]**

Vivian: Thank's for letting me join!

?: You walked yourself into my team, you spaz!

Vivian: So now what? How do we find some clues on how to fix the spell?

?: Ehh... Well, actually. You know what I do with partners when they join Team "?" ?

Vivian: ... What?

?: Son of a bitch stole my ability to say my team name too! *sigh* Anyway, this is my version of an initiation mode.

? pulled out some rolling paper he also stole from ?.

?: Getting really fucking toked.

Vivian: Hmm?

?: Uhh... You bake?

Vivian: Like, cook food? No. I mean, I can use fire powers if that helps!

?: ...*facepalm* God damit... You're almost as slow as Koops. DO YOU SMOKE MARIJUANA OR NOT?

Vivian: Oh! ... Uhh... You see, like, I used to... I don't anymore cause it triggers alot of bad pent up anxiety issues of mine… sorry...

?: *Sigh* You lame ass... You have the weed though right?

Vivian: Uhh... Yeah! It's in my hat! This is 1 of the things I KNOW I had on me! Wanna know why? Cause Beldam thought she had it on her!

?: Sweet! Then let's get spacey! Or... I guess I will and you watch me get spacey.

Vivian: Uhhh... Yeah, but I'm a little nervous though... What if-

?: If you're sisters catch you, I'll kick their spooky shadowy asses agai- I mean, for the 1st time! I mean, just who the hell do you think I am!?

? did a badass Kamina pose where he spreaded his legs, and pointed up to the sky with his eyes closed.

Vivian: *blushes* Something about you... I feel like I can really trust you! It's gotta be your confidence! It makes me feel like... everything will be fine! It feels like…. a symbol of hope! *sniff and smiles* Well alright! Have at it then if you need to!

Meanwhile, ? and Vivian were sitting around while she watched him blaze up all the weed.

?: Dude! This is some great weed! I haven't felt this good a high in awhile.

Vivian: DO NOT CALL ME D- ... Oh…. oh my god...I'm sorry... I over reacted. You didn't mean "Dude" like you were calling me a boy, right?

?: Relax. I just say "dude" as an expression sometimes...

Vivian: Oh... gosh..I'm really sorry... It's been awhile since I've talked to any1 outside of my family... This is embarrassing, but to be honest... I'm a little... sheltered. My older sister Beldam made a rumor about me being a boy all over histories tattle logs and the internet, and any1 that hears about me thinks I'm a boy. Not that there's anything wrong with that if it was true. It's just false information that's only been used to bully me, so it's hard for me not to get a little upset by it. Like, even Miyamoto must think I'm a boy. So... Again, sorry...

?: Cool.

Vivian: I usually keep watch in an island out on the Atlantic Ocean. I've lived there since I can remember! Like 1000 years!

?: 1000? What the fuck? You don't seem 1000.

Vivian: Seriously! I actually just turned 1000 last April not even a month ago!

?: Damn. You're old as fuck! I honestly would have guessed 20. What the fuck have you been doing!? Like, how the fuck did you spend all that time?

Vivian: Well... I've never knew or even know if I have a mom or dad. Back in the earlier 1000 A.D, my sisters and I would sing to sailors to lure them into the rocky coasts and crash their ships. We would spend that time collecting treasure and junk like that. My sister specifically wanted to find this ancient treasure chest with a map inside that opens this door that's a little bit older than me. We eventually found it though. According to Beldam, the treasure chest it was in smelt like the treasure map so we took her word her it. I mean, she ended up being right though. I remember when I retrieved the box, I saw all these heavily wounded sailors who were at their deth. I felt so bad that we've been bring such harm to them for centuries... My sisters never even told me what deth or any of that was. So I had to figure it out on my own the hard way... She took the treasure with the map, but we couldn't open it cause none of us are pure hearted according to Beldam. I sure wasn't allowed to touch it. I haven't spent much time outside of the Siren island. Siren is my last name by the way. vivian Siren.

?: You sound like you're getting some kind of contact high from me.

Vivian: I wasn't really allowed to spend much time off the island. I wasn't allowed most of the time. Every time I left for a vacation, my sister Beldam had to supervise my 2nd oldest sister Marilyn and I. Sometimes I've wondered off on my own by mistake. I'd get punished sexually though... I guessed you could say that she's molested me for quite some time now….. What changed my life was when I bought the 1st Ramones album in 1976. It got me into punk music. I also like other rock and metal bands too. But mostly punk like Stooges, Ramones, Misfits, Black Flag, Bad Brains, Sex Pistols, Minor Threat a bunch of stuff. Basically, anything that would play in the credits theme to these chaptures. As long as it's not GG Allin. He's done some stuff that bothers me. But yeah, it took me over 900 years to find my taste in music! It was great cause music was ded to me after finding out what we were doing to sailors... But I actually started getting into electric bass playing. Since my other older sister Marilyn has electric powers, she would power up my bass amp and cassette player. It was hard hiding them from Beldam though. She would smash my stuff, beat me up, and molest me... Sometimes... I wouldn't even do anything wrong... She would just beat me up just for fun... This is actually the 1st time since the 90s since I've been of the island on my own!

?: My god. You are rambling up something fierce. I didn't ask for you're life story!

Vivian: I know, sorry... It's annoying... If you want, I can stop.

?: Nah it's cool. I'm way too high to really give a shit right now. I'm having 1 of those chilling and listening moments. Even though mostly everything your saying have been going in 1 ear and out the other or some shit like that, I'm still chill.

Vivian: Heh... It's fine. That actually helps me relax more! But yeah, recently, we got this job from this Sir. Grodus guy, to collect the 7 Dedly stars on the map. Recently, we found a way to open it, and now we're looking for the stars and the map to open the 1000 Year door. I forgot to mention, my sister sold the treasure to a pure hearted princess who opened it and then mailed it to an adventurer named Mario before my sister could get it back. Apparently, the adventurer and his team have the map and some of the stars by now. We fought them 1ce a few days ago and... lost pretty badly too...

?: You don't say.

Vivian: Yeah. We we're actually going to ambush them today cuz the team is around here somewhere from what I hear... And that SuperBongBong you found for me, My sister's plan was for all of us to get really high even though I'd just get a major panic attack instead! It was supposed to contain some kind of high to make us into bloodthirsty monsters with 10x our own power level and we we're supposed to be unstoppable and beat them or something... But to be totally honest, I don't think it really works that way.

?: Your sister you won't shut the fuck up about sounds really fucking retarded it's pathetic.

Vivian: And the worst part of this is, is that I know this whole thing we're doing with these X-Naut guys... is just... I don't know. It just seems… evil. I try not to listen to that gut feeling though... I honestly haven't felt like myself lately because of it... I tend to guess who or what I really am sometimes... I just don't know what to do about being stuck in that organization though... I feel rude thinking this, but they just kind of seem like nazis almost. I mean, I don't really have a say in it, but if it were up to me, I'd just be playing bass with a punk rock band of my own. I'd be on vocals too! I don't think I'm that good, but I'd still like to give it a shot! I mean, all I wanna do is play bass in a punk rock band. Not this stuff where we kidnap and kill people... It makes me sick. I've had enough drama where I wound up killing people in my life... Sorry...

?: What are you apologizing for now?

Vivian: I don't know. I get a little anxious when I talk. I'm... used to getting... hit when I say things... Especially about this kind of stuff... I haven't really met any1 that I liked in ... gosh golly... I don't even know how long it's really been to be honest.

?: So wait... I have to ask a question. Why the hell are you so obedient to your older sister exactly? I mean, it's not like she own you.

Vivian: But... She... kind of does though.

?: No. Fuck you! You're wrong. She doesn't own shit and you know it!

Vivian: ...

?: Look, clearly, you have an interest in punk music among any of the many other interests you could have formed in 1000 years. You won't stop talking about it. Don't any of those bands inspire you to stand up for yourself at all?

Vivian: Gosh... I… just... don't even know if I have it in me to go through all that...

?: You're actually doing it right now by talking to me as we speak! Sure it's under their noses, but it's a start for people like you. You know the song Rise Above by Black Flag?

Vivian: Oh course! It's 1 of my faves!

?: Do that! Screw your sisters and everything they stand for. You're clearly not meant to be a villain. You're way too apologetic, you cry alot, you reek of inferiority complex, you can't even capitalize your own name when you speak, and you're obviously not into the whole X-Nazi operation anyway.

Vivian's non visible eyes and nazil region started watering a little bit along with her mouth starting to quivver.

Vivian: I just... just... I don't know what I am... or if I'm really evil or not... I don't know if I even deserve to...

?: Screw 'what you deserve' logic! You're sisters don't even deserve you! I'm not even that bad to my younger brother!

Vivian: I... Don't think I can-

?: OH FUCK THAT SHIT! FUCK ALL OF IT RIGHT NOW! You'll die if you don't! Make like Black Flag and Rise above! I mean, just who the hell do they think you are anyway!?

Vivian started facing down bawling tears in how hard ? just broke her just now.

?: Just believe in who you can really be. Sometimes, that's all you can do! Hell, that's what I do every day! Because of that, I never lose!

Vivian: Sniff... Oh my god... YOUR RIGHT! *PANTING* EVERYTHING! YOU JUST SAID! IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE NEEDED TO HEAR THIS WHOLE TIME! I JUST… I JUST FEEL SO AMAZING RIGHT NOW! HOLY COW! THANK YOU! THANK YOU AGAIN!

?: It's what I do I guess. But I have to admit. I thought it was heavily implied you weren't goin back when you joined my FUCKING PARTY!

? took another hit off his joint like a badass.

Vivian: YOU'RE MY HERO! YOU KNOW THAT!?

?: Kind of.

Vivian: You're just... SO RIGHT ABOUT IT! EVERYTHING! I- I need to ditch my sisters! I- I- I need to do it! I need to do it... for me! For my hopes and dreams! EVERYTHING! *Panting* I'm ... I'm shivering in excitement just thinking about it! Oh geez... This is so crazy! YOU REALLY SAVED ME! SERIOUSLY!

Vivian hovered over to ?, and hugged the fuck out of him.

?: DO NOT PULL ME UNDER AGAIN!

Vivian: Thank you... I mean it... seriously...

Vivian gazed into the eyes of the shadowy drunk slowly...

Vivian: Sorry...

?: For what?

Vivian suddenly locked lips with ? and started passionately making out with him. ? being the kind of bastard who would fuck anything then proceeded to do so.

?: You know... You kind of remind me of a sister. Wanna have sex in that inn over there?

Vivian: *giggles* You know I do!

? payed the inn owner for the bed and to leave the fucking building for they were ready to partake in some loud thumping throbbing shadow shtickly. Looks like ? is going to enter some1's shadow's huh? Please don't kill me.

**Chapture 5 - 14: Bird is the Word**

Later after all of the Paper Mario fans had a long boring rhetorical debate about VIvian's gender in the comment section, the shadowy fuck buddies finished their coitus in the fucking inn.

Vivian: *YAWN!* Good morning ?.

?: It's only been 20 minutes.

Vivian: Oh right. It felt like a lifetime...

?: I think we have different perceptions of time. We're not all immortal you know.

Vivian: I'm... not immortal. I can still get killed off.

?: You know what I mean! Let's get back to the journey!

Vivian: You sure you don't wanna cuddle?

?: Nice try, but ? doesn't cuddle! Cause cuddling is for retards! Now let's go! I got a body to reclaim!

Vivian: Aww man...

? and Vix2+an left the inn and went outside to look for clues on how to get a name back.

?: You know, for a 1000 year old shadow, you're pretty tight down there.

Vivian: Why thank you! Oh hey, this is off topic, but I'm pretty amazed that my sisters haven't woken up from their siesta or whatever they call it, and caused trouble for us.

?: Maybe they know that I'll brutally rearrange their asses if they even think about fucking with Team ?!

Vivian: Wait a sec! What's that noise above us!?

Suddenly, the strange duo overheard a pair of timelessly racist crows from Dumbo chit chatting about random, but possibly useful shit to know about.

Crow 1: AY MAN!

Crow 2: YO YO YO SUP!?

Crow 1: AY MAN! SO, MAH DAUGHTER BE ALL TAKEN THESE STD SCORES TO GET INTO COMMUNITY COLLEGE AND SHIT!

Crow 2: HELL YEAH MAN! BUT DON'T YOU MEAN "SAT" SCORES!?

Crow 1: RIGHT MAN! SHIT, WHAT DID I SAY!?

Crow 2: YOU SAID "STD" MOTHA FUCKA!

Crow 1: HEHE! NAH, NAH MAN! SHE TOOK DAT SHIT LAST WEEK MAN!

Crow 2: SHIT REALLY!? HOW DAT GO!?

Crow 1: PRETTY GOOD, PRETTY GOOD!

Crow 2: DATS GOOD! CAUSE I KNOW I WAS USING 1 OF EM RUBBERS THEM COMMERCIALS BE ALL RAVIN' ABOUT ON HER!

Crow 1: WHAT THE FUCK!? AH HELL NAH MAN! YOU BETTER NOT BE SERIOUS, OR I'LL-

Crow 2: GOTCHA NIGGA!

Crow 1: OH DA-HAHAHAAAAAMN! YOU GOT ME NIGGA! CUZ I WAS ABOUT TO GO ALL UP IN YO ASS LIKE NO TOMORROW AND SHIT, MAN!

Crow 2: MAN, YOU COULDN'T DO DAT SHIT IF YOU TRIED, BOY!

Crow 1: SHIT, WHATEVER. MAN, YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHIN CRAZY!?

Crow 2: WHAT NIGGA?

Crow 1: YOU KNOW DAT CREATURE THANG THAT TURNED THEM TOWN'S FOLKS INTO PIGS AND SHIT!?

Crow 2: YEI? WHAT OF IT?

Crow 1: I HEAR DAT CREATURE AINT GOT NO NAME, NIGGA! NIGGA AIN'T GOT NO NAME!

Crow 2: AH HELL NAH MAN, DATS BULLSHIT! WANNA KNOW WHY? CUZ 1 OF MAH HONKEY FRIENDS BE ALL 1 OF HIS PETS AND SHIT! I BET HE KNOW HIS BITCH ASS NAME!

Crow 1: SHIT REALLY!? YOU MEAN DAT PARROT BITCH!? SHIT, I THINK LAST TIME I SAW HIM, HE SHORTED ME A G MAN, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHOOPIN HIS ASS NIGGA!

Crow 2: MAN, YOU REALLY WANNA DO THAT? CUZ HE BE ALL DOWN IN DAT STEEPLE! AND DAT BE A LONG ASS FLY! YOU FEEL ME?

Crow 1: YEI... I GUESS.

Crow 2: WANNA GAMBLE?

Crow 1: HELL YEAH!

The 2 crows flew away to a casino that was much farther than going to the steeple.

Back to the main characters,

Vivian: Hey ?! Did you hear that? I think those loud crows were just talking about the same troll that took your name!

?: No fucking shit. Alright... Welp, I guess it's back to the steeple now.

Vivian: Wait, you were already there?

?: That's where I lost my body. Remember?

Vivian: Oh yeah. I hate how bad my memory is sometimes. At least it's not as bad as my sisters' memories at times.

?: We get it. You're whole family is a barrel of retards with the lights off!

?: Wait, can't you just teleport us to the Steeple?

Vivian: It doesn't work that way. I can only teleport by myself, sure. But I can't in all good consciousness leave you behind.

?: My god, you're so "girl horny" over me.

**[Twilight Trail]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 2:27 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

And so, ? and his new strange friend traveled to re-haunt the steeple.

?: Hey, Vivian?

Vivian: Yes?

?: So... I have to ask. I mean, I feel like I should already know this, but honestly, I have to know for sure. Under your head, are those boobs molded into 1, or your stomach. I honestly can't tell.

Vivian: That's my stomache.

?: ...*sigh*... son of a bitch...

Vivian: What's wrong?

?: Nothing... I was honestly hoping that you had that big of tits... I just wish I would have known that before I motor-boated you there. Instead, I just blew on your stomach like a fuck toddler. I think they call it a raspberry.

Vivian: But it was cute though!

?: Yeah, at the time, I thought it was hot too.

1ce again, another hole ripped through the sky, and Mario popped out with his head hunched over, glowing red eyes, and panting like a depraved sex zombie.

Mario: Y0 y0 y0, SUP N00bliss! Care 4 round 3? I c Uz brought a gf with u!

Vivian started to blush with joy.

?: SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! WE'RE JUST FRIENDS! FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS!

And just like that, she stopped blushing as her smile 180ed.

Mario: What iz she doing 0ut heerz? She should get back n the kitchen to makez me a sammitch! Lolololololololol.

?: *Sigh* That meme hurts the tip of my penis like none other every time I hear it it's so bad.

Vivian: Wait a sec, is that the guy who stole your name? Hmm... Why does he look so familiar?

?: Don't be stupid, Vivian! We we're in a [BATTLE MO- ... I mean, NOTHING!

Vivian: He reminds me of some1 who jumped on my head alot, causing me to lose a little bit of my memory of that day.

?: Ah. *snaps fingers* That explains it.

Mario: So, wana c f Uz can guess my real name n' body againz? Du thtz, n' U'll get ur body back.

?: Hmmm…. I already made an attempt so... Let me see if I guess it via sign language!

? raised his middle finger flipping off the hacked body.

?: Alright, that was fun. Let's go Vivian!

Vivian: Wait, don't you wanna guess the na-

?: It's not worth humoring him! Let's go!

Mario: SON, I AM DISAPPOINT!

?: Fuck off, you stupid troll!

Later on the way to the Steeple.

?: I swear, this better not be 1 of those stories where I keep going back and forth chronically. I had to do that to find a key and after the 1st troll fight, I went back to burn the Twilight Town, and we're probably gonna have to go back to play his dumb name game 1ce I figure it out. Good thing he's too stupid to follow me.

Vivian: *Giggles* Did you just rhyme "name and game" on purpose?

?: Uhh... I guess so. Why?

Vivian: Sorry. It sounded pretty funny. That's all.

?: Wait, Vivian. Hold on a sec. I have to take a wicked piss in the bushes.

Vivian: Alrighty. I'm gonna hum _She by The Misfits._

?: You go do that.

Vivian: _Walked out with empty arms, machine gun in her hand. She is good and she is bad, no 1 understands. She walked in in silence, never spoke a word. She's got a rich daddy, she's her daddy's girl._

As ? pissed in the bushes, he started to feel a horrific pain in the you know what.

?: OWWW CHRIST ALL FUCKING MIGHTY!

Vivian: OH MY GOD! WHAT'S WRONG!?

?: MY PEE! IT FUCKING BURNS! I mean, it always burns. BUT NOT THIS MUCH! IT'S LIKE PISSING PURE HELLFIRE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MEEEEE!?

Vivian: Ohh man... OH NO! I FORGOT!

?: FORGOT WHAT!?

Vivian: ...uuhhh...

?: TELL ME RIGHT NOW!

Vivian: I forgot to tell you that I... have...

?: HAVE WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU HAVE!? YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!

Vivian: ... I ... I'm having a hard time telling... Uhhhh... oh no... Welll... It ssssstarts... with a ... G...

?: GONORRHEA!?

Vivian awkwardly nodded lightly facing down while her mouth quivering in shame.

Vivian: mhmm...

?: AND YOU DIDN'T FUCKING TELL ME!?

Vivian: I FORGOT! ALRIGHT!? It's been awhile since I've had sex! I must have forgotten about it... I'm so sorry...

?: SORRY DOESN'T CURE GONORRHEA! NOTHING DOES! WE'RE STUCK IN 2004, WHERE NO SUCH CURE FUCKING EXISTS! I think...

Vivian: I'M SORRY! REALLY! I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO LIE TO YOU!

?: WHEN DID YOU EVEN GET GONORRHEA IN THE 1st PLACE!?

Vivian: There... was a time when my sister kind of... used to pimp me out back in the 1600s... People payed her to have sex with me... I can't get pregnant, but I can get gonorrhea... It's actually how I mastered fire powers...

?: ... Wow... I'm actually sorry you had to- ... HEY NO! YOU'RE NOT SOB STORYING ME! YOU GAVE ME GONORRHEA! FUCK YOU! OUR FWB THING IS OVER!

Vivian: Aww... But, I'm still on the team, right?

?: Vivian, initiation modes are far out of my control... Of course you're still in! Now let's continue walking!

Vivian: You're the best!

?: I know I am. OWW My fucking dick won't stop burning! I HATE HAVING GONORRHEA!

**[Inside the Creepy Steeple]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 3:21 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

?: Here we are. Back to Haunting the Steeple again! Good thing I can get here quicker now that I know what the fuck i'm doing.

Vivian: Oh hey! Are you referencing "Haunting the Chapel" by Slayer!?

?: Yep. Good. Thank you for being a little smarter than I thought.

Vivian: You're welcome honey! I mean... Sorry, I know we're just team mates.. hmmhmm...

?: ... Just keep you're eyes peeled. You have eyes right? I mean, I know you can see things, but do you have eyes?

Boo 1: Hey look! More travelers that are ghouling for a bruisin.

Boo 2: That didn't rhyme well, doofus.

Boo 3: You're STUPID!

Boo 2: I wasn't talking to you. Man, I should have known having friends wouldn't be a good idea. I don't know what I was thinking earlier befriending you guys.

Boo 4: Wait, guys, calm down! I think these travelers wanna hurt us! *directs attention to ? and Vivian* You guys don't wanna hurt us, do you?

Vivian: GUYS!? I'M NOT A "GUY!" YOU KNOW!

?: Relax. I think he just meant that as an expression...

Boo 1: You might be a guy for all we know.

Boo 3: Yeah. How do we know that you're not secretly in drag or something!? As a boo with a top hat, I know.

Vivian: Please don't... You're really pushing me with that comment! I'm NOT a guy!

?: It's true! That was straight up shadow pussy I felt when I banged her.

Vivian: Thank you!

?: Not sure why she has 1 if she can't give birth though. Maybe it's just for sex. I don't even think she bathrooms either.

Boo 2: Oh Boo hoo! Stop trying to cover up that you had gay smex with a dude!

Vivian started facing down and huffing in anger as she balled her fists as they caught on fire.

?: No really! I know gummy holes when I feel them!

Boo 4: Come on guys! Let's do away with this gay shadow couple already!

Vivian: ENOUGH! ? I hate saying this, but we have to fight them!

?: Now you're speakin' mah language!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

?: Power Level 105

Vivian: Power Level 45

V.S.

Boo 1: Power Level 18

Boo 2: Power Level 18

Boo 3: Power Level 18

Boo 4: Power Level 18

_Battle Music: Cry of the Banshee by Bocas Helm_

[TURN 1]

?: Alright, since Goombella is missing, I need you to do what she does, and tattle these boos! I know what boos are, but I just need to know what they do in a turn based fighting game.

? handed Vivian Goombella's tattle book.

Vivian: Who's Goombella?

?: Just do the thing!

Vivian: Wait, I how do I do it!?

?: BY READING! Just the find the character, and share the information with me! And don't forget to lock on them when you see a coda mark hover at them. It's part of the action command.

Vivian: Can't you do that?

?: I can't read!

Vivian uses tattle on Boo 1: This is a Boo. They' have a power level of 18 with an HP of 7 and Attack power of 3. They also turn invisible sometimes!

?: Building character into your tattles isn't really your thing is it.

Vivian: Oh. Sorry.

?: See how long you can go without saying "sorry."

? uses a super lightning blotto on the 4 boos doing each of them: [5 Damage All] Also getting ? pretty high as always. Which is hard to tell sometimes at this rate.

Boo 1: Watch this, I'm gonna turn invisible, and you all are gonna love it.

Boo 1 actually vanished.

Boo 2: While you do that, I'm gonna attack the drag princess!

Vivian: STOP CALLING ME-

Boo 2 smacked Vivian in her round rosy shadow fucking face: [3 Damage]

Vivian: OWw! That hurt.

?: That's kind of their goal!

Boo 3: I'm gonna turn my new best friend in visible.

Boo 3 turned Boo 4 invisible just by touching him.

Boo 4: Aww...

Boo 2: I thought I was your best friend!

Boo 3: No! You brush your teeth before drinking OJ and LIKE it!

The invisible Boo 4 also bitch slapped Vivian: [3 Damage]

Vivian: OWW! WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP GOING AFTER ME!?

[TURN 2]

?: Do you know how to fucking counter?

Vivian: Uhh... No. What's that?

?: Just attack them when they try attacking you. It's an attack only me, and my teammates know.

Vivian: Can you explain it again?

?: I just explained it. Attack them at the very millisecond they attack you. If you're any good at playing bass, think of it as hitting the right note at the right time or something!

Vivian: OH! I THINK I GET IT NOW! THANKS!

?: Let me go 1st to attack now.

? jumped on Boo 3 making him poof. You know the boo that quized them for no reason? That's the 1!: [4 Damage]

Vivian for the 1st time, uses shade fist successfully on Boo 1 making him poof as well: [4 Damage]

?: Oh good. You can ACTUALLY do good base damage.

Boo 2: NOO! MY BFF! HE DED!

Boo 4: AHEM! For your information, he was my BFF!

?: OWW MY DICK! STILL BURNS… IT'S LIKE THERE'S A FIRE ANT BITING INSIDE MY URETHRA!

Boo 2: HE WAS MY BFFF! THAT's Best Friend For Fucking Ever!

Boo 4: Then he's my BFFF! THAT's Boy Friend For Fucking Ever!

Boo 2: Oh right, the fight!

Boo 2 Smacked ? in the shadowy rapist face: [3 Damage]

?: DAMNIT! I FORGOT TO FUCKING COUNTER!

Vivian: Don't worry! It's in the bag now! Okay vivi- Vivian, think bass... Think bass.

Boo 4 smacked Vivian in the face... OH WAIT! No! She smacked him instead while he was invisible. Also catching him on fire: [1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Boo 2 and 4 turned back to normal.

Vivian: I DID IT! I CAN COUNTER!

?: Yeah. I like how they're transparent and you can hit through them, and they have the nerve to call it "invisible."

? finished off Boo 2 by jumping on him in his asinine way: [4 Damage]

Boo 4: Come on witch hat! Do your worst! I bet you punch like a Boy!

Vivian: YOU'RE WRONG!

Vivian finished off Boo 4 by girl punching him in the face. And no, that's not a sexist joke. Cuz it did: [4 Damage]

Vivian: I punch like a GIRL!

?: THat's how Team ? Rolls!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Vivian: Yippy! We won! I've never felt victory in my life until now!

?: I'm the opposite.

Vivian: Hey look! They dropped something!

Vivian held up an **Ice Smash** badge. This cold Greenlandic badge has a blue handle made out of ice.

?: Sweet! Gimme! Before you think it's candy.

Vivian: Hee hee... I know It's not candy, silly.

?: Oh phew... You see, I have a partner that tends to think everything is candy. He's kind of the punching bag so when you meet him, don't talk to him. He's retarded.

Vivian: Are you sure? Alright... Here's the badge by the way!

Vivian handed ? the badge.

?: I just wish I had the BP for this.

Vivian started looking through the tattle log and found herself in it.

Vivian: Oh hey! It's me! Hi Vivian! Heehee

Vivian kept reading the tattle log of herself and noticed it kept referring to her as a "male."

Vivian: ...hmm...

Vivian: Uhh, ?! Can I PLEASE make a small edition to this book!?

?: Uhh… Sure. Knock yourself out.

Vivian used a tip of her finger as a marker to burn part of the paper like a pen. She crossed out "guy" and "male", and replaced them with "girl" and "female."

Vivian: Yeah... That's much better.

?: Hey look! A little crack through the door!

Vivian: Cool! You want me to teleport inside the room to see what's inside?

?: I got a better idea.

? thought about Emma Watson sticking a wand up his ass causing him to shit out more frogs than passover. This spell caused him to turn into a shadow of his own dick.

Vivian: Holy shnaikeez! Did you just turn into your-

? penially swallowed Vivian and rolled through the crack into the room with a cookbook inside. ? spat out Vivian and turned back to normal.

Vivian: AHHH! Oh good. I'm alive.

?: FUCK! MY DICK BURNS SO BAD FROM DOING THAT CUZ IT'S SO SENSITIVE! DAMN YOU AND YOUR GONORRHEA, VIVIAN!

Vivian: I'm still sorry... Hey uhh... LOOK! A cook book!

Vivian raised up the cookbook Zelda Styled as if that joke hasn't been made enough already this chapture.

?: Lemme see it.

Vivian: Uhh... Sure.

Vivian handed the cookbook to ?.

?: ...

?: Threw it on the ground carelessly.

?: It's trash now. Let's skidaddle.

? rolled into his dick form again.

Vivian: You go ahead. I'll meet you on the other side!

When ? rolled past the wall, Vivian picked up the cookbook and stored it in her hat for safe keeping.

Vivian: I hope this doesn't belong to any1...

Vivian teleported meeting ? on the other side.

?: Okay, so... We need to find a new location to see where that Parrot thing is.

Vivian: Say! I think I saw a well outside earlier! Think we better go check it out?

?: Why the fuck not. It's not like we have any other choice. As long as it doesn't lead to water or any Banjo and Kazooie shit. Fuck it, i'll do anything with this body. It's not even mine!

**[Outside of the Creepy Steeple]**

They went outside the steeple and were facing the well getting ready to jump down it.

Vivian: Cool! There's the well! So i'm not totally crazy after all! *giggles*

?: Hey. Say this line. "She rubs the lotion on his skin, or else he get's the hose again."

Vivian: Sure. Why though?

?: Just do it. It'll amuse me.

Vivian: Alright. She rubs the lotion on his skin, or else he get's the hose agai-.

? dived down the well like the dangerous tard he ever so is.

Vivian: ?! OH MY GOD NO!

Vivian teleported, and caught ? in the other side inside the well before falling to deth.

?: Oh hey Vivian, what's happenin'?

Vivian: Why did you do that just now!?

?: Oh, you know, cuz it's funny!

Vivian: Just... Please promise you won't do that again! I don't know if I actually have a heart or not, but if I do, it's feels like it's about to rip out of my chest i'm so panicky!

?: You have Gonorrhea!

Suddenly, a gang of 2 Buzzy Beetles and 2 Spike Tops emerged. Pretty much the same species.

Buzzy Beetle 1 (Age 31): Titt. Vi har några nya idioter som inte kan undvika att falla ner en jävla vatten väl.

Buzzy Beetle 2 (Age 27): Bara dumma barnen spela spel som!

Vivian: Aww... They're so cute!

?: You mean cute in the way where they'd look cute to stomp on?

Spike Top 1 (Age 49): Låt oss slita huden off och tvinga dem att ha en påtvingad könsbyte.

Spike Top 2 (Age 42): Jag tror att de är både killar. Så detta skulle vara meningslöst.

Vivian: Why does every1 keep calling me a guy!?

?: Again with this?

Vivian: They were talking about forcing us to change genders, but then 1 of them said it'd be pointless cause we're "both guys."

?: So they're not speaking fucking gibberish!?

Vivian: Yeah! It's Swedish! It's actually my 2nd language!

Vivian: Lämna oss ifred! Vi vill inte slåss!

Buzzy Beetle 1: Vad väntar vi på? Låt oss bara döda dem redan!

Spike Top 2: Jag håller med, förhoppningsvis transvestit inte springa iväg som en fegis

Vivian: OH DET ÄR DET!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

?: Power Level 96/105

Vivian: Power Level 27/45

V.S.

Buzzy Beetle 1: Power Level 38

Buzzy Beetle 2: Power Level 38

Spike Top 1: Power Level 38

Spike Top 2: Power Level 38

_Battle Music: Scream by In Flames_

[TURN 1]

?: Don't you think you take the "guy" comments a little too personally?

Vivian: NO! I've been tormented with that comment my whole life! It's 1 of my biggest triggers cuz of that!

?: Whateves, at least you're down to fuck up these fucks.

? uses quake hammer turning his hammer purple knocking all of the beetle/koopa creatures on their backs: [2 Damage]

?: Vivian, Tattle!

Vivian: Right!

Vivian tattled 1 of the Buzzy Beetles.

Vivian: These are Buzzy Beetles. They have a power level- I mean, they have power levels of 38 with HP of 5, Attack of 3, and Defense of 4 and their JERKS!

?: Well that's a start. I think you actually give more useful insight when you tattle rather than Goombella who think's she's a stand up comedian when she tattles.

Vivian: Aww... Thanks... You're so cute.

?: Settle down Vivian.

Vivian: Yessir...

Vivian: Also, you have to jump on them in order to put them on their back which will immobilize them.

?: That's less useful info since I already have them on their backs.

Since all of the beetles were on their backs, no attacks on their parts were made.

[TURN 2]

Vivian uses tattle on Spike Top 2: These are Spike Tops! They also have a power level of 38 with the exact same stats! Also, they have spikes on their backs so you might wanna find another way to hurt them.

?: Again, they're already on their backs! Pay attention

Vivian: Oh, sor-

?: DO NOT FINISH THAT LAST WORD GOD DAMNIT!

?: Oh yeah, I forgot about this. Assuming the troll does the same drugs I do,

? takes a hit of Earth LSD to finish off all them beetles and also collapsed the well hole killing all of them: [5 Damage]

? and Vivian were on a spot where they were not hurt by the collapse.

**[END OF ANOTHER BATTLE]**

Vivian: We did it again! Hooray!

?: Yeah, and we totally didn't do that thing that bothers you. What's it called? Oh yeah! Murder!

Vivian: Oh gosh! Really?

?: Nah, I'm joshin yuh. Every1 knows that minor enemies *snickers* respawn. FFFFF AWW! MY BURNING DICK! But yeah, joking... AWW THE GONORRHEA! IT SHOULDN'T BE BURNING MY DICK THIS EARLY!

Vivian: Aww... I still feel like a monster. Hey! This might cheer you up! I found another badge!

Vivian found an orange and yellow shoe shaped badge known as a **Tornado Jump.** This can activate a move that can activate a move that can activate a Sonic Wind attack hurting all the other enemies within the attack range.

?: Oh good! I can put another badge on except that I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING BP! I hope my purple livor sticks out when my body is flipped inside out! Whatever, this BP shit is slowly eating away at my psychi. Let's find a way otta here.

The teammates were encountered by a gate blocking their way up a slope tunnel.

?: Fucking a. Another trap door. I don't think my dick, nor grease powers can save the day this time.

Vivian: Maybe we can-

? pulled out his hammer of "fuck you" and slammed the gate to go up the sloped tunnel.

?: Problem solved! We're off!

Vivian: Nice!

? and Vivian headed on up the path when suddenly, the gate slowly started to slide back down about to push them back. It's visually a little complicated to picture in your head if you've never played or watched a lets play of it.

?: GOD FUCKING SHIT DAMNIT!

Vivian: ?, I know you said no to this, but if we wanna go past this falling gate, i'm gonna have to pull you inside of me!

?: THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME!?

Vivian hugged Mari-... ? from the back, and pulled him in the ground inside of her body puddle... By doing this, the gate fell past them successfully.

Vivian and ? rose back up.

?: Sweet! Even with another body, I still kick ass!

Vivian: BUt I thought I-

?: OWW! THE DICK KEEPS FUCKING BURNING A FIERY BLAZE OF INFERNO! HOW COME YOU DON'T GET BURNED BY YOUR OWN STD!?

Vivian: I used to, but you get kind of used to it when you have it for 400 years.

?: FUCK THAT! I WILL NEVER GET USED TO GONORRHEA! YOU CAN MARK MY WORDS! GAAAAH! DICK PAIN, DICK PAIN!

After searching and destroying, they finally found the parrot's room. 1st, Vivian teleported into the room they were looking for, and ? fell through the crack by using the Emma Watson majic dick curse.

Vivian: Look! It's the parrot! I think It's the 1 that those crows were talking about!

?: You think!?

Vivian: Well yeah!

?: You don't get sarcasm. Clearly.

The green skinny parrot was sitting on it's bird stick thing starving from a lack of food water, and neglect.

Parrot (Age 3 Months old): SQUARK! Feed meeee! FEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEE!

Vivian: Oh deer! ?, What's wrong birdy!?

?: ...

Parrot: I'm…. dying…. My owner! He…*cough*... bought me recently and … forgot I... even exist! So I've just been *cough cough* sitting on this ledge... with nothing….. to eat! I've been shitting everywhere…. and I haven't…. seen my owner in *coughs blood* forever! He even locked me in here…. with no way out! *COUGH COUGH COUGH* HE SUUU*COUGHCOUGHCOUGH*UCKS! He got distracted with making YouTube Poops, Sonic Girl Farting porn, and Trolling, that he…. forgot…. to fucking feed me! Did he seriously think I wouldn't fucking…. starve in here!? WELL IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THA- COUGH COUGH COUGH!

Vivian: OH NO! How awful! ?! Do we have any food we can give him!?

? looked in his spooky inventory noticing he had a bag of super shrooms, ultra shrooms, life shrooms, and even Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vadgelly Juice.

?: Uhh... Nope. Nothing that can restore his HP or resurrect lives at all.

Vivian: Well don't worry birdy! We'll save you and get you out of here!

?: On 1 condition! Do you know the name of your retarded owner!?

Vivian: Maybe now isn't the time to bribe him. Especially like this.

?: Now is the PERFECT time to bribe him!

Vivian: But-

?: SOrry! Is your body at stake? NO! So cram it!

Parrot: I will *cough* never spill out my... owner's name for you see, Doopliss does not want any1 to know his real name! Oh shit...

?: HA! DOOPLISS! THAT'S IT! HIS RETARDED NAME IS DOOPLISS! WHAT A LOSER!

Vivian: Sweet! Doopliss! Alright! We know his name now!

Parrot: *coughs up alot more blood*

Vivian: OH NO! I GOT YOU!

Vivian reached up and picked up the near ded bird. A wing fell off the fragile parrot body as if it was nothing.

?: Vivian, stop touching that thing. At this rate, he's pretty much ded.

Parrot: Before I die, I... have to tell you ... You totally can't reclaim your body by…. using a password that's in 1 of the treasure chests. *panting* And it totally won't work after you…. deliver your final blow... and you totally don't trade your HP…. *loses beak* with him to avoid being near ded at…. all... *last breath*

Vivian: Parrot... Parrot?... PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

?: Alright cool. Now let's look inside these boxes! There's like, 4 treasure chests in here!

The 1st thing they found was a Mr. Soft Worm. Used to soften enemies in defense, and could have been used to feed the Parrot the whole time.

?: Hey Vivian, get this... I found a worm. A freaking worm! How bout that!?

Vivian: Really!? Give it to me!

Vivian grabbed the worm out of ?'s hand, and tried shoving it down the Parrot's corpse mouth.

Vivian: Come on! You gotta eat! Please! PLEASE!

Mr. Soft Worm (Age 2 Months): Help me!

?: VIVIAN! He's ded. You can't cure deth. Now give me the worm back.

Vivian: *Sigh* Fine...

Vivian handed ? the worm.

Mr. Soft Worm: I WANT MY MOMMY!

Then he opened another chest unveiling a key out of the room. Then he opened a chest with the password that read: "5thformfriezalooksprettycool"

?: Hey! I think that's the password he was talking about! No 1 would ever think to say that.

Vivian: Hey yeah! Alright! 1 more box!

? opened the last box unveiling a **Power Plus** Badge. This badge can boost ?'s attack power by 1 and can raise his power level by a shit ton!

?: NO WAY! YES!

Vivian: hmm?

?: THIS IS THE BADGE I WAS WAITING FOR! FUCK YEAH!

?: But... NOOOOOO! I STILL DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BP! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

? grabbed the ded parrot by the head and flung it's body of it's neck at the wall to cope with his frustration.

Vivian: Aww i'm sorry...

Vivian hugged ? in sadness that he doesn't have enough BP.

?: That's it! Let go of me! I'm gonna solve this shit 1ce and for all!

Vivian let go of the drunk shadow man.

?: I'mma usin mah 2nd free pass!

? pulled down his pants, and aimed his butt to the wall where he farted out a portal to another dimension to pop out on 1 of the walls.

?: Wait here!

Vivian: Okay.

? ported through the portal and back into Miyamoto's office.

?: Sup Miyamoto. I know my name and body is missing, but I assume you of all people know who I really am cause of my voice! So listen up, I know this is a huge favor of me to ask, but I need you give me unlimited BP so I can use all of my badges. I know, it's over powered, but I'm really sick of keeping track of how much BP I have in this story! Plus, you can even it out by making the enemies and bosses from now on stronger. Which would make for a better story! What do you say?

Miyamoto: Hai!

?: Sweet! Thanks!

? walked back through the portal and back into the grose parrot room with Vivian who was humming some Bad Brains.

?: Back! And good news, Miyamoto said yes in Japanese. So now I don't have to worry about BP or that inside out curse! So now I can put on any badge I want! I mean, yeah, I wasted most of my level ups on BPs sure, but now I have unlimited BP! OR NO BP! The point is, now I can put on my Power and Defense plus badge, and many more!

Vivian: YAY! Well that's great! Hey! By the way, did you tell him that I'm actually not a guy?

?: Oh shit, that didn't come up. I forgot.

Vivian: Oh. Ehh... That's okay. You'll get it next time right?

?: Yeah. Well, at least now I can truly show how OP I can really be against that fuck faced ass rattler!

Vivian: Yeah! Now let's get your name and body back from that meanie!

?: ...

Vivian: What's wrong?

?: *sigh* PLEASE don't tell me you ACTUALLY use "meanie" as a real insult...

Vivian: Aww shucks... I'm sorry if that bothered you.

?: …... Shut up Vivian.

**Chapture 5 - 15: His name is Doopliss!**

**[Twilight Trail]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 4:27 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

After figuring out Doopliss' name, the challenged duo went back to the troll shed area a 4TH FUCKING TIME! YAAAAAY! BACK AND FORTHZEEZ! KNOW WHAT I BE SAYIN PAPER MARIO FANS!?

Vivian: _All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy. Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify.._

?: Is that Paranoid by Black Sabbath?

Vivian: Yeah.

?: Good song.

Vivian: Thanks!

Mario for the 3rd time, ripped through time and space and... Wait... just space I guess... And landed on his 2 feet like the drooling retard he is. Come to think about it, he basically hides in another dimension just to pop out and surprise the real Mario. Talk about an over achiever right?

Mario: Sup N00bknocker!? I iz waitingz 4 u!

Vivian: How does he do that!?

?: I don't fucking know.

Mario: It was fun haxxing uz on facebook, instagram, and makingz U a Sonic Passion account! But n0w Id liek 2 tr0ll Uz som morez by making Uz gess my reel-

?: Doopliss.

Mario's name changed into it's actually label; Doopliss.

Mario- I mean, Doopliss: ... LOL! U IZ S00000 JOKING! CUZ THATZ IS ILLEGAL U KNOW!

?: It's Doopliss, retard! Now give me back my name.

Doopliss: ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK!

Everything started spinning in Doopliss' mind knowing that he is no longer anonymous to ? or any1 else.

Doopliss: WHOTHE FUCK DOXED MIIZ!?

?: Your bird we found that you forgot about, stupid. Now let's get this battle over with.

Doopliss: I ONLY BOUGHT HIM SO I CAN TROLL HIM BY MAKING HIM STARVE TO DETH! LOL0L I DIDNT THINKZ HEZ WAS STILL LIVINGZ! THATS ITZ! IAMz HIDINGz N MY STEEPLE WHERE UZ WILL NEVER FINDS Mii FGTz!

Doopliss in the Mario body cartoonishly lifted up the shed with his bare hands with the Team M members still inside and ran off to the steeple running 30 miles per hour.

Doopliss: SO LONG N00B00BZ!

?: YOU FUCKING PUSSY!

Vivian: AFTER HIM!

?: RIGHT! OOOWW THAT SHOOTING GONORRHEA PAIN IN MY DICK STILL FUCKING BURNS!

**Chapture 5 - 16: Mario V.S. Team M?**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 5:02 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

**[Creepy Steeple]**

After undergoing the shortest sub-chapture I have ever written so far in the uncut version, ? and Vivian went back to Creepy Steeple for the 3rd GODDAMN TIME to finally corner Doopliss in his room... again. You remember 5 - 10 right? That room.

?: Alright! End of the Line, Doopliss! Give me back my body, or i'm kicking your ass! I mean... MY ASS! Who am I kidding. I'll do it if you resist or not.

Doopliss: LOLz G00d. Let the 'umad' flow through you... LOLOL0LOLOLLLLLL! Butt fine. If youz wish 2 FALCON PAWNCH it out of me, then good luck, Chuck!

Goombella: Yeah! That creepy troll guy is gonna pay out the ass for stealing my tattle log book! And he even teamed with that Shadow bitch!

Vivian: Wait, I thought it was ?'s book.

?: I told you it was her's awhile ago.

Vivian: Oh yeah…. whoops. I wrote in it...

Koops: Oh jeebus! It's the Shadow Girlz with the pink hairz... I'm NOT ready for this! I... I gotta hidez!

Koops anxiously hid in his shell.

Koops: I'm notz ready 2 fight her again- I mean, I'M NOTz HERE RIGHT NOWz!

?: Was he... trying to talk like Doopliss?

Flurrie: We certainly won't be letting this ravishingly sexy shadow couple do anything hurtful to our sexually succulent little leader!

Vivian: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Vivian puked at the sight of Flurrie. See, even Vivian is grossed out by Flurrie whether she's willing to admit it or not.

Vivian: OH GOD! I don't know why I ... I didn't mean to-

?: That's okay. We've all puked at the sight of her. You'd be crazy not to!

Yoshi: Man, fuck dat shit! Let's bust dis purple Gonzales lookin' ass motha fucka's ass! I just finished the Pilaf arc, so I'm ready to bust up some bitch ass, niggaz right here!

?: What the fuck guys!? Are you all really buying this obviously trollshit!? Haven't I taught you retards better!? For fuck sakes! I have the map, the 1st 3 stars, the badges, THE ITEMS!

Goombella: Oh yeah, you probably just stole all of this while we weren't looking, Douglass!

?: IT'S DOOPLISS! AND FOR GOD SAKES! I HAVE YOUR FUCKING TATTLE LOG! COME ON! LISTEN TO HOW THIS GUY TALKS! HE'S CLEARLY THE TROLL WE WERE JUST FIGHTING! LISTEN TO MY VOICE, AND HIS VOICE, AND TELL ME I'M WRONG!

Goombella: Pfft… Please. As if i'm dumb enough to fall for that. I know you 2 just swapped voices.

?: Ji-.. JI-... WHAT!?

Vivian: Hey! Leave him alone! He really did lose his body to that big old meanie! Don't you recognize your friend?

?: Vivian! Remember what I said about the "meanie" insult!?

VIvian: Oh right… mybad

Doopliss: I M THERE FREND! 4 I iz SUPER MARIO! MARIO GONZALES MARIO! C!? I HAVE UR SOCIAL SECURITEEZ AND KINGDOM ID! BECAUSE I IZ FUCKING MARIO!

Vivian: What the... ?, you mean... this.. whole time, that question mark in your name were covering up that you were... MARIO this whole time!?

?- Fuck it, Mario: Well yeah! Who the hell did you think I am?

Vivian: I don't know! Oh geez... So all this time, you were an enemy in disguise!? ... You must have been using me for some kind of sick game I bet! That's why you tricked me into sleeping with you!

Mario: TRICKED YOU!? PFFFF YOU WISH! I was high as fuck at the time! Besides, look who's talking miss "IgaveMarioGonorrhea!" You're the 1 who tricked me, bitch!

Vivian: And THAT! You've been mean to me from the start of this adventure! That's why I've been having a vague feeling I remember you from a fight. And you were the 1 that gave me that mean "you look like a" insult from a few days ago! THat was the meanest thing I've ever heard! And you've still been saying mean things to me since then!

Mario: My god.. Shut up! You're being an emotional retard, you know that!?

Vivian: I... You know, honestly, I feel like an idiot for trusting you!

Mario: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!

Vivian: *sigh* I can't do this. I'm out of here. Bye Mario...

Vivian teleported out of the room and into... I don't fucking know where.

Mario: HA! GOOD! GOOD RIDDANCE! YOU WERE JUST A SHITTY NO BOOBED 1 NIGHT STAND I USED TO GET MY FUCKING DICK WET! YOU KNOW THAT!? SCREW YOU!

Mario punched a hole through Doopliss' wall.

Mario: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! IS EVERY1'S BEING INFECTED WITH A FUCKING RETARD SICKNESS TODAY!? MORE RETARDED THAN USUAL EVEN! AND MY DICK STILL BURNS TO HIGH HELL! AAAHHH!

Doopliss: LOL! TITz OR GTFO, AM I RIGHT FELLAz!?

Mario flipped off Doopliss.

Mario: FUCK YOU TROLL!

**[BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 168/184

FP: 13/15

V.S.

Doopliss: 120

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level 75

Yoshi: Power Level 50

_Battle Music: Living through me (Hell's Wrath) by Pantera_

[TURN 1]

Mario: Alright! My dick is all fired up now! Literally! OWW! no really. OWW!

Doopliss: Goombella! Uz up 1st!

Goombella: Hell yeah! And thanks for giving us all tonic water before this battle started. Otherwise we'd still be tripping balls.

Mario: Pussy...

Goombella: Alright! Time to give that Douglass fuck the revenge he deserves!

Mario: GOOMBELLA! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE I WOULD EXPECT TO KNOW WHO THE HELL I AM!? LOOK AT THE POWER LEVEL STATS! YOU'RE ON THE SAME TEAM AS THE GUY WHO'S FUCKING NAME IS DOOPLISS!

Goombella: Well, how do we not know you're just trolling us!?

Mario: Because I don't talk like "LOLXDTROLOLOL" or any of that shit! How can you not put those obvious pieces together, you pretentious retard!?

Goombella: Because you cursed Mario to talk like that! That's what he told us!

Mario: IT'S SO OBVIOUS! That's it… I have no choice do I? I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU, GOOMBELLA!

Mario uses power bounce jumping on Goombella 7 times doing this much damage: [10 Damage]

Mario: See how my turn was 1st? THAT'S BECAUSE I'M FUCKING ?- NO. mmmmmmmMARIO!

Doopliss: You're still a shadow! ANd last timez I checkedz, Mario haz a RED hat, with teh BLUE overalls! N' HE LOOK LIEK A SLEAZY RAPIST! Unlike you…

Doopliss: Btw, OBJECTION!

Doopliss uses hammer smash rip off move on Mario doing an average: [3 Damage]

Goombella: Hey! Come on Mario! You're stronger than that!

Goombella uses multibonk-

Goombella: Hey... How come it's not working?

Mario: BECAUSE I HAVE THE FP WITH ME!

Goombella: Fine, thief! Then I guess I can just double jump!

Goombella uses double jump on Mario doing only: [2 Damage]

Goombella: 2 Damage? When did Douglass develope defense!?

Mario: BECAUSE I HAVE THE DEFENSE PLUS BADGE AND THE POWER PLUS P BADGE! GOD DAMNIT! WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO SMACK SOME SENSE INTO YOU!?

[TURN 2]

Goombella: You better hand us the stars and all of our stuff, you asshole!

Mario: Why? 1, I'M WINNING, 2, I OWN OUR STUFF!

Doopliss: O YAz? l I dnt c ur name on itz n00b!

Mario: LOOK WHO'S TALKING! FFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHY DOES MY DICK BURN SO!? I CAAAAANt StAAAAAAND IIIIIIt! THIS GONORRHEA WOULD BE WORTH IT IF I COULD JUST EJECULATE FIRE!

Mario uses a hammer crammer attack on Doopliss who used the A button block attack to add extra defense: [4 Damage]

Goombella: Jeez... Douglass got crazy strong since we last faced him. Welp, we always pull through right!? Mario, do your thing!

Doopliss: Alright! TASTE MY judgement hammer again FGT!

As Doopliss did another hammer blast, a familiar shadow you remember from just recently emerged from the ground.

Battle Music: _Happily Ever After from the Gurren Lagann soundtrack_

Vivian: MARIOOOOOOOO!

Vivian popped out of the floor and countered Doopliss by punching him in the face for Mario's safety: [-1 Damage]

Doopliss: WHAT TEH FH just happenedz!?

Vivian: Do not hurt Mario, you creeper!

Mario: Vivian!? What the fuck!? I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here! *Spits on Vivian's face.*

Vivian: *rubs off spit* Sorry Mario... I… I didn't know what I was thinking earlier... I almost made the WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE! So what if you were Mario all along? I mean, you may have said some mean things to me, but compared to Beldam or any1 else, you're still the most amazing friend who's helped me realize my potential! I mean, I thought about it, and out of every1 I've ever met, you're only person who's ever really been kind to me over all... So from now on, I'm fighting by your side! I've... I've made my choice! And I'm not turning ba-

Goombella interrupted Vivian by doing a double jump to Vivian from her back putting her in danger mode due to the previous beatings from the other 2 battles: [4 Damage]

Goombella: I've been waiting to do that for a long time, slutty shadow BITCH!

[TURN 3]

Vivian got up as if nothing happened.

Vivian: Ahem... And I'm not turning back! I know you don't like it when I apologize, but… I sincerely mean it when I say I'm sorry for ditching you, I just kind of lose my mind a little when I get like this. If I went back to my sisters, I probably would be ded by now to be honest, and you just... inspire me too much to let that happen!

Mario: Well I guess you're not gonna fuck off, are you then. Fine. Whatever. Let's just re-evaluate the fucking stats already.

Mario: Power Level 141/184

Vivian: Power Level 15/45

FP: 10/15

V.S.

Doopliss: Power Level 99/120

Goombella: Power Level 25/50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level 75

Yoshi: Power Level 50

Mario: Alright, welp, if you're gonna stay, what I need you to do, is tattle the partners. Cause it will be funny. But first,

Mario did a jump + ground pound on Goombella fatiguing the ever loving shitout of her: [8 Damage]

Goombella: OWW! DICK!

Mario: Now Vivian!

Vivian uses tattle on Goombella: Let's see... This is Goombella, a famous Liberal Arts College student at U Goom who aspires to be an archaeologist and the partner of the legendary wrestler; Great Gonzales. She has a power level of 50 with stats of HP: 20 Attack: 2 - 4 D: 0!

Goombella: DID…. THE BITCH JUST TATTLE ME WITH MY OWN BOOK!? I WILL DESTROY HER!

Vivian: Did I do good? Who's Gonzales by the way?

Mario: My stage name/ middle name. Oh yeah. I forgot 1 thing, GOOMBELLA! You pushed me to do this, so you know what!? You look like a rotten butt plug perfumed in makeup with a flashlight used to see what's inside people's butts! You're short, you're flat, unattractive, and boring! We just tolerate you being loud and full of yourself because it's gives us something to laugh at, you arachnophobic politically correct progressive wannabe CUNT!

Vivian: JEEZ!

Goombella: Y- YOU BASTARD! AND NOW YOU'RE STEALING MARIO'S INSULT TACTIC AND USING IT ON ME!? OH YOU ARE SO DED! SO FUCKING DED!

Doopliss: Lolz. Accept I gotta tradez u outz cuz u week az shit!

Goombella: But-

Doopliss: Get back in teh kitchen and make me a sammich! FTW!

Doopliss switched out Goombella for Koops by pushing her on the pile of potato chips and pulled Koops' arm into the battle ring.

Koops: O Noz... it's my turnz? U mean I have 2 face teh gurl?

Doopliss: Yeah! What, U afraid 2 hit girls cuz u gay?

Koops: But-

Doopliss: Shut up Koops.

Koops: Aww man...

Mario: Hey! That's MY line!

Koops uses shell slam on Mario since he was in front and all: [2 Damage]

Koops: Wowziggy! He realzee didz getz strongerz!

Mario: MY GOD, YOU'RE IMPRESSIONABLE OF RETARDS!

[TURN 4]

Mario attempted to use the Stop Time Watch but couldn't on account that they don't work on bosses for some reason. I forget if they actually work in the game or not, but for the sake of continuity for this story, we're keeping it from working cuz I'm a dick.

Mario: FFFFFUCK! It didn't work! Vivian, this is out of my character a little but, I need you to put on this Harry Potter cloak. It will make you invisible. I have a feeling that he's gonna use his art attack move soon.

Vivian: Aww... Thank you!

Mario threw on a Boo cloak over Vivian making her invisible for 3 turns.

Vivian: Did it work?

Mario: Yeah. Now then, TATTLE THAT AUTISTIC KOOPA!

Vivian: Autistic? What does that word mean?

Mario: You'll... you'll find out. I hope.

Vivian: Very well...

Vivian uses tattle on Koops: This is Koops. He's a koopa that lives in Petalburg. Aww... What a lovely name for a town... He has a power level of 56 with stats of HP: 15, Attack: 3, and Defense: 1.

Koops: Oh wow... She knows me so well!

Goombella: THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EVEN TATTLE, SHADOW SKANK!

Doopliss: Allow me to show these fools how to deal with the ART ATTACK!

Doopliss raised up the Star of **Lust** to enable even more horrific fetishy thoughts.

Doopliss: MMMM! YEAH! I'M THINKING ABOUT SUCKING ON BLAZE THE CAT'S PONY TAIL WHILE I WEAR A SPONGEBOB DIAPER! NOW WE'RE TALKING!

Flurrie: How dandilly arousing...

Doopliss used the Art Attack to circle around Mario 6 times breaking up parts of his body making his skin crack and bleed everywhere: [18 Damage]

Mario: OWW! THAT MOVE MAKES ME WANNA BREAK THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT OF THAT STAR I'M TRYING TO GET!

Koops: Watch this Mario!

Koops did a shell slam at the real Mario where he just sort of got his ass countered: [-1 Damage]

Koops: OWW!

Mario: PUT ON SOME FUCKING PANT'S KOOPS!

[TURN 5]

Battle music: _I'll cast a Shadow by Pantera_

Mario: Vivian, like it or not, we're going after all of the partner's 1st!

Vivian: Wait. Why?

Mario: CUZ! I need to teach these ass garglers a lesson or 2 or 15. I mean, look, they're falling for an OBVIOUS TROLL! THEY NEED TO BE ASSAULTED NOW!

Vivian: I... guess that makes sense... sort of...

Mario uses jump attack on Koops kicking him right on his lazy eye paralysing him on his back: [5 Damage]

Vivian then proceeds to her next attack.

Vivian: Sorry for this...

Vivian Shade Fists Koops in the... STOMACHE! setting him on fire: [6 Damage]

Keep in mind that Mario has a Power Rush P badge which boosts Vivian's attack by 2 when she's in danger.

Koops: AHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! OWWYYY!

Vivian: I'M SO SORRY!

Goombella: What the fuck? Why did she get so much stronger since our last fight!? Where the hell did she even get that kind of power!?

Mario: FROM MY BADGES!

Koops' fire on his stomach did another small dosage of damage. Apparently, the fire causes him to flail his arms forgetting to put it the fuck out: [1 Damage]

Mario: HAHA! YOU look like a retarded incest hybrid of Gonzo from the Muppets, and Bart Simpson as a teenager with a chronic masterbation problem! You smell like cheesy moldy garlic bread, you're repulsive to the naked eye, I hate your voice, and there is not enough room in my "you look like a" comments to really describe the perplex magnitude of how badly you piss me off!

Vivian: Are you sure that wasn't a little too mean, Mario?

Koops: O shucks! Why haz dis alwayz beenz happening 2 miiz lately…?

Doopliss: U ASSPIE! I IZ TRADING U 4 THE GROSS CLOUD!

Flurrie: FLURRIE!

Doopliss traded Koops in for Flurrie by kicking him into the wall!

Mario: Flurrie, I'm assuming you can't see past yourself getting trolled neither?

Flurrie: That's right my Drooling Douglass! I know just how Mario's fine odor arouses my nasal cavities... It's a majic you sure indeed lack...

[TURN 6]

Vivian: Should I do the tattle thing again?

Mario: Yeah. Yeah you should.

Vivian uses tattle of Madame Flurrie: This is Madame Flurrie *pukes in mouth* ... excuse me... She's famous for her exotic avant guard pornagraphic art career of the 1980's. She has a power level of 75 with stats of HP: 25, A: 4, and D: 0. This seems a little off. I wonder what kind of math it takes to figure out this power level business?

Goombella: I WILL NEVER TELL YOU!

Mario: Before I attack, I have something to get off my chest. FLURRIE! You look like Ursula's discarded siamese twin that radio actively took up the quantum material form of methane fart gas! You're not sexy, and your looks have dried up long ago. So long ago, that you should not take this comment as "dirty talk." You are repulsive to all 6 senses! Including the 1 sense I JUST MADE UP! CAUSE YOU'RE ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE TO ME!

Vivian: *gulp*

Flurrie: Grrr... You really ruffle Flurrie's feathers with sexy insults... I'm gonna have to make you gargle in something fierce for that! Cause you don't make Flurrie kinkie!

Mario uses Tornado Jump for the 1st time as his shoes turned yellow. He jumped on Doopliss and then did a tornado spin that did an equal amount of damage to Flurrie: [6 Damage both]

Mario: Shit, that took up alot of FP.

Doopliss: LOLz Uz gon get PWNd FTW!

Doopliss uses hammer blammer on the cloaked Vivian. This attack went right through her on account of Doopliss being a Dumbass: [0 Damage]

Doopliss: I DID THTz IRONICALLYz!

Flurrie uses Milk Masher on Mario. Mario countered by grabbing her gargantuanly veiny tits, pulled her in front of him, and head butted her making her nose bloody: [-1 Damage]

Flurrie: MY MELONS!

[TURN 7]

Vivian's cloak wore off.

Vivian: Uhh... Mario, the cloak wore off. What do I do now?

Mario: Let me figure out ways to assault Flurrie without her getting turned on!

Mario: Screw it. I got a better idea.

Mario raised up the Star of **Greed**.

Mario: I WANT THE WORLD AND I WANT IT NOW!

Vivian: I GET THAT REFERENCE!

The Star of **Greed** started glowing creating a giant holographic bingo card where they increased their defense by 2, and attack by 3.

Mario: WITNESS THE POWER OF ALL THAT IS OVERPOWERED, IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

Vivian: Sorry Flurrie...

Vivian punched Flurrie in the jugular catching her head on fire: [9 Damage]

Flurrie: Mmmymmyy... The smell of my burning hair... If only we remembered how to counter...

Doopliss: Mrr... Not amused!

Doopliss jumped on Mario's head 2ice: [2 Damage]

Mario: AHA! NOW I'M IN DANGER MODE! MAKING ME SLIGHTLY STRONGER!

Flurrie did an appeal move that earned no SP due to her sheer well known ugliness.

Flurrie: It's cause i'm so bald now... is it... *sigh* I think it looks sexy…

Vivian: I'M SO SORRY! Aww man… Now I wish I knew how to punch without setting people on fire...

Mario: JUST KEEP HITTING HER!

Vivian: Got it...

[TURN 8]

Battle Music: _Ghost of War by Slayer_

Flurrie got a little more burnt as her hair is now essentially made out of fire: [1 Damage]

Vivian: Does another OP shade fist to fist Flurrie in the fucking whore face: [9 Damage]

Mario preformed a double jump on Doopliss doing the most damage I've ever written Mario doing without using the charge badge: [16 GOD-DAMNADGE!]

Yoshi: DAMNAGE!

Doopliss: … LAG! THAT MOVE DOESN'T COUNT!

Mario: Yeah it does.

Doopliss: … NO! NO IT DOESN'T!

Mario: Uhh... Yeah... yeah it does…

Doopliss: … No it doesn-

Mario: YOU'RE NOT IN A FUCKING PC GAME,YOU BALLS TO THE WALL FULL ON RETARD!

Doopliss: ...

Doopliss pulled up a YouTube video on his phone of Darth Vader yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mario: Fine. You forced me to do this.

Mario pulled up a video of M. Bison saying "YEEESSS!"

Mario: I hate myself.

Doopliss: YOSHI! U iz next! Im TRADING Uz frm Flurrie!

Yoshi: Mann why does the black guy be goin last all da time?

Doopliss: CUZ Ur a NGR!

Yoshi: Maaan, this gay troll speakin' curse of yours better wear off soon! Dat shit's offensive.

Flurrie traded off with Yoshi.

Yoshi tried doing a ground pound on Vivian, but since she's so affected by the Star of **Greed** power up, this did absolutely, no shit! It didn't even dent her hat: [0 Damage]

Yoshi: Fuck you, yuh witch hatted hood ratted ass bitch!

[TURN 9]

Vivian: I know what you're thinking Mario, and I'm ready to tattle. Just don't do anymore "You look like a" comments to your friends.

Mario: Sure.

Vivian uses tattle on Yoshi: This is a Yoshi. You can name him whatever you want. He has a power level of 50. His stats are HP: 20, A: 1, and D: 0. Not sure how that adds up to 50 to be honest.

Yoshi: Man! Dat was da worst tattle ass job I've ever heard! And that was for me, too!

Mario: Is that so? YOSHI! You look like a Black Barney abortion after Barney got knocked up by Whitney Houston's corpse! You also look like a crappy fan made character on DeviantArt! There is no way any1 that acts that much like Scrappy Doo can possibly be a fan favorite for any1 cuz you're an ugly ass bitch ass cunt ass NIGGER!

Vivian: *GASP* MARIO! Don't you think you went way too overboard with that 1!?

Mario: You're welcome, Vivian! Now we've all been "You look lika a"ed.

Vivian: Oh... Uhh... thank you?

Yoshi: OH HELL NO! YOU DED MAN! YOU DED FO CAWLIN ME THAT, BITCH!

Mario: You can't do shit you god damn nigglet fetus!

Mario did an over the top double jump move on Yoshi almost snapping his neck in half: [16 Damage]

Yoshi: AAAAHHH! FUCK DAT HURT *coughs part of his spinal chord out*!

Goombella: Oh no... This is looking really bad. I hope we can pull something out of our sleeves in last minute like always.

Doopliss: Hmm... THT'S TI! LOOK'S LIEK TI'S GARBAGE DAY 4 U, TRUN00B!

Doopliss: I'll have to admit, IMAD! IAMMAD! SO IM PUTTING AN END TO THIS, BY BREAKING THE INTEGRITY OF [BATTLE MODE], BY USING ART ATTACK A 2ND TIME!

Mario: You wouldn't..

Doopliss raised up the Star of **Lust **1ce again as he thought about erotically splitting open Amy Rose in half through the crotch with a Hello Kitty Chainsaw.

Doopliss: YES! YEEEEEES! YYYYEEEEEEHEHHEHEHEHHHHEEEEEESSSS! NOW DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Mario: Shit.

Doopliss only aimed for Mario cause he was so pissed, that he forgot to circle the attack around Vivian: [24 Damage]

Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Vivian: MARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sad Music: _Ad la Lib from The Kill La Kill Soundtrack_

Mario fell down bleeding purple shadow blood all over the floor with his body cracked up, and mangled. He died.

Goombella: YAY! WE DID IT!

Yoshi: HELL YEAH NIGGA!

Koops: Wayda duuz teh trick at last minutez liek alwayz!

Flurrie was busy sucking off her right arm pretending it's a giant dick for victory.

Vivian hovered to the Mario corpse and started tearing up on his chest.

Vivian: *sniff* ... *sniff sniff* ... no... This can't... it can't... end like *sniff* this...*sniff*

Doopliss: HAHAHHAHA! WHAT NOW SHADOW BITCH!? UR BF IS OFFICIALLY DEDz! AND HE AIN'Tz COMINGz BACKz! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL0LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!

Vivian: I... wont... I won't let it end…. like *sniff* this... I WON'T! For his sake…. YOU'RE NOT GONNA WIN! YOU HEAR ME!? I PROMISE YOU!

Koops: Aww shucks... Why d0 Iz feelz like a dickz rightz nowz?

Doopliss: LOLOL! U JUST SADZ CUZ Uz AINT GETTIN ANYMORE D! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOL! LOOOOOOOOOLOLOLOLOLOL! LOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

[TURN 10]

Suddenly, the bag of life shroom started molding into Mario's skin replenishing 10 HP and enough of his body back to normal.

Uplifting Battle Music: _Black Xmas by Venom_

Mario slowly emerged off the ground and back into action.

Vivian reacted in a wide joyful smile holding her hands together close to her face like in that victory pose she does in the actual game.

Vivian: M… MARIO! Y-YOU'RE ALIVE! BLEEEERG!

Vivian puked on the floor next to Mario out of sheer excitement.

Mario: No shit Vivian. I had life shrooms on me for a reason!

Doopliss: NOoOoOoOoOz! U HAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOORRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZEZ!

Mario: Hey Vivian?

Vivian: Yeah?

Mario: What do you say we finish this chapture already!?

Vivian: Mhmm!

Vivian nodded in agreement as she preformed a shadowy shade fist setting the Mario bodied troll on fire: [6 Damage]

Doopliss: LOLZ! U THUNK A SHADOW FALCON PAUNCH IZ ENOUGH 2 STOP MIIz!?

Mario: BEFORE MY FINISHING HAMMER MOVE, YOU LOOK LIKE A WORN OUT, RETIRED PIECE OF SHIT PLUMBER WAY PAST HIS PRIME WHO CAN'T DO JACK SHIT, OTHER THAN RAPE BABIES WITH MY GREASY HAIRY PEDOPHILE MARIO COCK! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN INSERT CHARACTER AND THAT'S ALL YOU WILL EVER BE, YOU SUICIDE ON THE TOILET WAITING TO HAPPEN, MOTHER-FUCKER!

Mario took his hammer and did an over hyped regular hammer smash. Since Mario has 10 HP, the Power Rush is no longer working at the moment.

Just at the right millisecond,

Mario: 5thformfriezalooksprettycool

Mario deliberately smashed an earthquake into his own possessed bodie's jaw: [5 Damage]

Mario: What.. what the? It didn't work? I didn't transform back to normal!?

Doopliss: LOLOLOL! Uz wer 1 damage away frm finishing miiz offz! AND NOW, IT'S TIME TO UBER PWN U N00B!

Due to Doopliss' ego, and head still on fire from Vivian's attack, he recieved 1 more damage from the fucking fire he forgot to put out on his head: [1 Damage]

Doopliss: Crap...

Doopliss momentarily passed out as his body majically switched with Mario along with their HP stats.

Mario: YEAH! I'M BACK BITCHES! BACK INTO MY SHITTY PEDOPHILE MAN BODY!

**[END OF BOSS BATTLE]**

Goombella: I don't.. believe this..

VIVIAN: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY! WE BEAT HIM!

Mario: Correction! I beat him! I dealt the last attack, remember?

VIvian: Oh yeah... I guess you're right.

Doopliss in his original blanket form curled up weeping in troll tears...

Doopliss: AWW SHUCKS! I IZ BEATIN NO FARE! I SWARE! THER WAZ LAGz IN DAT BATTLEz!

Mario: Does it look like there was lag, asshole! Now fuck off! I own this Steeple now!

Doopliss: What the...? OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! MY DICK! Y DOEZ MY DICK SUDDENLY BURN SO MUCH!?

Doopliss crouched on the floor reeking of amazing dick pain.

Mario: AHA! NOW YOU HAVE GONORRHEA, BITCH!

Mario said this as he pointed at the troll with Mario having a snarky grin!

Doopliss: NOT... FAIR! THIS ISN'T OVERZ! FUK U! UR ALL FGTS!

Doopliss pointed to Goombella.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Koops.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Flurrie.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Yoshi.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Vivian.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Mario.

Doopliss: AND U R! ESPECIALLY!

Doopliss: THIS ISN'T OVER! I WIL XZACT REVENGE! I SWAIR! I WILL MAKE AN ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA PAGE 4 "SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!" AND UZ WILL ALL BE UBR TROLOLOLLED! AAAHHH MY DIIIICKFKKPOSGIOSGFSOGJBSNKFSBDFIOSBSIDCBSNDFJSKDSDNCBSDFNSDNSDKJSDNGKSDVSDJFKGSKXDFGBSCDJcfCKJDFJKDKFCHGBXJDBKGSBFVJDFVBDOBKNCDSVJNFGBHSDFBIUFDNVGMJFHCDKFJBHFDOJKBNCKFJBVOFJKCNDKSIJVNDHFBIFNHNBKCDVHBFSOKJSCNVOKBJHFSGSNDFOCBGDSJVOFSKJSCNDJVBHFGBNJCHVB NFJBCJSFDBGSDHSODFKBGSMDNJCVGNDHJVCBDJHSBAXKJVCHBMSJHCNVBFHVNFDOGVNSDFHGXBSDHJCSKVJDFVFDHJVNGDBVECHBEVROUGBRVNHGBCSONGBSDIDVNIOREHGOQIQIUYTERBUGNHEGCHGVSOGHDFGMBDVFGDOSNFIVGDGBOFGONSCGHSFMVUBOVHSDGNVSICUMFBFNHVIUSNOUFHONSUIGCBOIGNSDUBGISGNCNHSMHVMBSDFIVIAMMASTERPFSGVNHFMSGIXUAHDGINHGBFAGHNPGSPFUGVPNDNIGGERFPUIGVNFSDGUPNDSGPDFICGKVNHUVGISDHNVGPGBSFGUICSDGMNDPSGHUVPIGPNIBDFHGBCJGDNKHGOEGNUHGNUGIVNDFGODFGBUDFVOGUDIGOUDONBUISGHSXUBDCONVSDOGUBOFNGOVIGSDBGVNIGUHSUGBOHDSFGUIOSDGNHSDIUFGOHSDFNGUISDFUIGOSDFUIGSFDUIGOSDFUIGSDOFGSDFUIGSDFYUGSFDNGOUDFGBUOYGFNUIYBDGUOIFSNVUSIGFNBFUIBMFGHBSMUI NHU BFS IUBNSUIBSHBFNGUBIFGN8FDJKDLDBSJKBFGDFJSFDBLNDOIWP QQWERTYUQWERTYUIO0-1234567890-=ASDFGHJKL;'QWERTYUIOP[]\ZXCVBNM,./! #$%^&amp;*()_+|}{{}|{POIUYTREWQASDFGHJKL:"?MNBVCXZWQAZXSEWEDCVFRTGBNHYUJMKIOL?:PHFGKFHFGHJGFHFOMHSONVNMDJOFGISMCBJNFGBILOFJSNGBCJOBNSGFOJICNFBJFNBGSJBKNSGFJBKNFBSKBOFGSNBSFJKBNSFKJSFNGBJFKBNFGJKSFNBKNFBKBNFBGFBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBPOJSFHPNVGBIPONGMPBIOSHJBVPNHJVSHPSHIUNPUSOMBSNIBPNHBSFPBHFNBPSFNBGJBNSGFPINFGBISFBNISFBINBSFIGBFIBFISGBSIFBISFBISPFIBGSPBISFISFNIFGNISFGINSFINSFIGNSIFGNISFGNISFGNIFGNISFINSFUHDAMPGMHNRGPIAGHNPIUNPGHIAERUGNAEGINAEGPIANFVPDIFBJKNBCVPBVJVNBVBPVBIGPJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJKKKKKKKKKKKKJJJJJJJJJFGJCDGVIFGGBSG=VGCAEGOBJFKVGIAOBNGVOKCJVOFGBOVGJCNGVKGAOGONGOIGOUHGKGJBVBVJKBSHVLJVBSDVKBDSKBDVDKBJBKB J

Doopliss jumped out of his window safely as he shouted out hand typed gibberish leaving Team M to be alone in his room.

Goombella: Okay okay... Can some1 explain to me WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?

Koops: Ya! No kidding! Did weez just get shellwinked?

Goombella: That's... not a real expression people actually say, Koops.

Koops: S0 what? I'm just trying 2 b cleverz!

Mario: Stop talking like that before I kill you in cold koopa blood!

Koops: OKAY!

Mario: Yeah... You 4 retards just got trolled something fierce. Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in all of you. I can't believe you all fell for such a PAINFULLY obvious troll. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!? No… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? You should all be ashamed of yourselves for being such fucking pathetic retards!

Flurrie: Oh my... You're right... How could I, MADAME FLURRIE have mistaken such a sexually deplorable personality such as his with your pussy gouging 1? This truly shakes up Flurrie's mountain like ego I do say... *sniff sniff* WAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAA! Good thing… I have a fetish for tears…. The lactation *sniff* of the optical cavities...

Yoshi: Aight, I'm starting to get it! We was trolled! So like, you back to normal and shit now?

Mario: Yes I am, dumbshit.

Yoshi: Right... And who dat lovely ass shadow bitch dat be on yo D!?

Vivian: Hey...

Mario: This is Vivian. She's our new Team M member. Now I know what you're all thinking. You see, I don't actually want her to join either. It was the [INITIATION MODE] thing that happened that got her in. Not me.

Goombella: Wha- JI JIJ iKDBgskjbsjgksbgsfsfsgkjsbs… ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! SHE JOINED!? but… Wait… N-NO! No! I REFUSE! She is NOT gonna be in our fucking team!

Flurrie: Why is that Goombella?

Goombella: CAUSE! SHE'S A VILLAIN! HER NAME EVEN SOUNDS LIKE "VILLAIN" WHEN YOU OVERTHINK IT!

Yoshi: Dayamn! I sure as hell don't trust that shit then!

Goombella: WE'RE NOT LETTING AN X-NAUT MEMBER JOIN US! THAT'S RETARDED!

Vivian: I'm... not even a part of that thing anym-

Goombella: NO! FUCK THAT SHIT!

Yoshi: YEI! FUCK THAT SHIT!

Flurrie: My... Well we sure don't want any traders in our truffle…. I vote nay!

Vivian: ...

Goombella: KOOPS!

Koops: Yeah?

Goombella: YOU HAVE TO VOTE NAY RIGHT NOW!

Koops: Uhh... nay?

Goombella: See that Mario!? 4 AGAINST 1! AND SHE DOESN'T GET TO COUNT AS A VOTE CAUSE THAT THING IS A BAD GUY!

Mario: Don't you think you're making this into more of a personal problem than it needs to be?

Koops: Wait uhh… Oh cheese and crackers, what did I agree to again?

Goombella: BESIDES, LIKE YOU ALWAYS SAY, WE HAVE ENOUGH PARTNERS ALREADY!

Vivian: I'm *sniff*... really sorry if I-

Goombella: OH WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE AND GO BACK TO YOUR SHADOW SKANK SISTERS BEFORE YOU GET SERIOUSLY HURT! WHAT FLURRIE SAID, WE CLEARLY DON'T WANT ANY TRAITING BITCHES IN OUR TEAM!

Mario: …. Yeahh.. You know what? I could be asking the same thing if you guys are traitors or not too. Just 5 minutes ago, we were in a [BATTLE MODE] against each other. Now I know you were all getting trolled, but that's still no excuse for getting trolled THAT BADLY!

Goombella: But Mario!?

Mario punched/ decked Goombella, Koops, Flurrie, and Yoshi in the face.

Koops: WHAT DID I DO!?

Mario: No! Unlike any of you 4 dumbasses, Vivian actually figured out that I was me and that y'all retards were getting trolled! And she actually helped get my fucking perverted body back! So at this rate, none of you here are any different than a common former villain yourselves. Oh, and by the way Goombella, I'd check your math, because it's more like INFINITY to 4! AND I'M THE INFINITY, BITCH!

Vivian: Thank you Mario!

Mario: Shut up! You ditched me when you found out you were next to some1 awesome! That's pretty shitty too!

Goombella: BUT.. B- …*sigh* Fuck you Mario… Fine... I guess she can... BLEEERG... join then...

Koops: Oh gosh golly... Seriously!? Gosh.. I'm so nervous... I know i've been wanting to talk to her for so long since 3 - 7, but… I never expect her to ACTUALLY join us… Ahhh! What do I do!? I wish I had pants and underwear on!

Flurrie: Hmmm... She is indeed quite the doll I do say… maybe even a blow up doll if Flurrie uses enough imagination...hmhmhmhmmmmmmm…..

Yoshi: Yei. I approve I guess... She does look hot as fuck… I wonder if she got a ass...

Vivian: Wow... Thanks again Mario. Thanks for sticking up for me... Sorry I was getting so worked up back there about finding out that you were Mario, and that whole "you look like a _duhduhduhduhduuh_" thing you do. I know now that it's just a gag you do and that I shouldn't take it super seriously. I mean, you even did it to yourself too! That must have been pretty brave of you. Like, I guess what I'm trying to say is that as the new Team M member, I have to get used to some new crazy stuff like that from now on.

Mario: I guess. So you actually wanna join my badass team even with all of these fucking retards?

Vivian: Yeah! I don't give a shit!

Vivian has officially joined Team M now fo-reelzeez

Koops: Wait... did she just curse just now?

Vivian: I'll even prove I'm in it! HERE! Here's the Star of **Lust** by the way! You earned it!

Vivian grabbed the Star that Doopliss dropped before his sheer spaz attack.

Goombella: OH SHIT! SHE'S GONNA STEAL IT! KILL HER! KILL HER NOW!

Vivian casually handed Mario the 4th star without any thoughts of any tricks.

Mario: Sweet!

Goombella: … God dammit Mario, WHY THE FUCK are you being so nice to her!?

Mario: Oh come on, at 1st I started out being nice to all of you. Accept for Flurrie of course.

Flurrie: Hello dearieeee...

Flurrie started winking pervertedly at who knows who.

Mario: Also, we're at the point of our story now where we can use a Fire Mage for our RPG battles. I mean, you've played the early Final Fantasy games right?

Goombella: I guess… wait, Fire Mage? What?

Vivian's mouth started to do that curly lines quivver thing that characters do when they're about to cry.

Vivian: *sniff sniff* You know Mario,... Finally... After 1000 long years... I'll be heading towards a new tomorrow thanks to you...And being with you all... is a dream come true... This is...*sniff* ... This is... the happiest... day... of MY LIFE!

Mario: She's a little emotional guys...

Vivian started crying as she hovered over to Mario and hugged him in a tight arm lock to cry on his fucking shoulder.

Goombella: Oh my GOD...

Mario: THe fuck you doing!?

Vivian: THANK YOU! THANK YOU 1,000,000 FOLD! FOR EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! *continues crying tears of joy*

Mario: G-GOD DAMNIT!

Vivian continued crying on Mario.

Mario: gET THIS BITCH OFF OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Every1 started laughing as always. Goombella was laughing sarcastically, Koops was laughing out of anxiety over his own feelings of Vivian being too real for him, Flurrie was laughing cuz who gives a fuck why, and Yoshi was laughing cause he was thinking about that scene from Dragon Ball where Oolong wished for a pair of underwear.

Mario: THIS IS SO FUCKING GAY RIGHT NOW! IF YOU GIVE ME GONORRHEA AGAIN, I WILL ACTUALLY KILL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

_Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer_

Wow! Talk about a good ol' way to finish a chapture huh! So as you know, Mario at last, defeated the fuck-troll and got his body back, as well as the 4th dedly star at the same time. And that means that the quest for stars is now MORE THAN HALFWAY OVER! _DUN DUN DUUUNN!_ Now, Mario and his 5 strange friends are now off to another bizarre drug party. Now that Vivian is an official Team M member, what about Beldam and Marilyn? Aren't they gonna be pretty pissed off? Well, Beldam at least? And what about Doopliss? Since Mario didn't kill him off like Hookertail, and Grubba, Doopliss will probably re-occur in a future chapture or more sadly. And what about the X-Nauts? What kind of fucked up shit are they planning next? Find out as we BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE NEXT FUCKING CHAPTURE IN SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

-To be continued

Credit's theme: _You're gonna die by Destroy all Monsters_

Creator: IAMMASTER

No vibes were harmed in the making of this.

Based on a True Game

After Credits:

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 6:30 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

**[Twilight Town]**

Meanwhile, Beldam and Marilyn emerged from their siesta wondering where the fuck Vivian went.

Beldam: Cu-cu-cu-cu-cu-CURSES! It's worse than I thought! *injects paint into her bloodstream* That damn Vivian knew she would get killed off, so she must have joined Team M to spite us! MRR!

Marilyn: GUH!

Marilyn was eating her 4 foot tall Mountain Dew cup from Arby's.

Beldam: NOW WE NEED TO REPLACE VIVIAN TO SPITE HER BACK SOME!

A blanket troll monster who totally wasn't the main antagonist of this chapture passed by the 2 Shadow Sirens.

Doopliss: WAFISGOHSGJISBNGJSIOGNSJKDVONSKGOSBNDVHSKGBSJDVBSDJVKSFSVSBJSHVBSJHVBSDVHJSBDJHSBDJHSKGBSJDKVBSDJKBSDCJVSDKBKJSDBSNGRSJBSDKCHVBSDJGSBDJSKDBJSDBSJKVBSDJCBSDJKVHKSBDJSDBSD!1

Beldam: ... That guy.

More After Credits:

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 6:32 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]_

**[Creepy Steeple]**

Mario: If it makes you feel better Goombella, I have this golden flower creature corpse I raped to deth. If you want, you can tattle him.

Mario dropped the smelly bloody Amazy Dayzee corpse on the ground.

Goombella: *sigh* Thanks Mario... Can you give me back my fucking tattle log Vivian!?

Vivian: Oh! Right, sorry! Forgot I still had it.

Vivian handed Goombella the tattle log.

Goombella: Let's see…

Flurrie: I'm gonna be bald from now on guys!

Goombella uses tattle on Amazy Dayzee: This is an Amazy Dayzee. The supreme ruler among all of the Dayzee people... and apparently, you... raped him... Yeah... Holy shit! He has a power level of 330!? HOLY FUCK THAT'S HIGH FOR A MINOR ENEMY! Even for a boss too! Damn! He lullabies so hard, it deals 20 damage! But... He's already ded, so... no need to look out. I guess that's... all we need to know then… Ehh… It's not as exciting if there's no battle going on, huh...

Vivian: That was still pretty neat though!

Goombella: ... Shut up Vivian... just... shut up.

Koops: Hwow! Talk about some real Deja Vu, huh Mario?

Mario: Shut up Koops.


End file.
